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Samael – Sam – is a loomer, there’s no question about that.
Bad enough how Dean towers. Dean, the sometimes-freaky-scary, sometimes-weirdly-earnest, always-slightly-grating-Gabriel’s-nerves-for-some-reason, angel wearing a pretty-boy vessel and plaid shirts who is pretty clearly infatuated with Gabe’s baby brother. Which would be hilarious, except that this angel is trouble. They all are. Orchestrating his family’s misery from their lofty perch in heaven for millennia – Gabriel’s gonna keep side-eyeing them, thanks, no matter how many times they save the hunters’ asses from getting ganked or how they make beer happen with a simple finger-snap, no matter how charming Dean’s grin or how soulful Sam’s puppy eyes.
Sam. Sam the loomer. Sam’s vessel is a tall glass of water. Combined with the stupid puppy-dog look, the long lanky limbs and fluffy hair make him look seriously like an enormous silly golden lab puppy. Gabe had told him as much, once, that Sam reminded him of a puppy: Sam had blinked at him slowly and done that adorable stupid puppy forehead-crinkle, and then when Gabe was about to say something more, something needling and annoying intended to piss the angel off, suddenly Sam’s face cleared and he smiled and said he approved, that a dog’s loyalty was its most noble trait and there was no purer creature to be compared to. Gabe’s snark had died in his throat and he’d gone off somewhere to drink a beer and steadfastly not dwell on Sam’s brilliant and rare grin.
Currently, at this moment, there is no grin, which is more typical. Just slightly grumpy looming and frowning at Cas, who’s explaining again.
“It wasn’t the right situation for a hug, Sam – you probably should have just shaken his hand. Or not touched him at all, just showed your badge and left it at that.” Cas sounds like a kindergarten teacher, explaining things in simple terms for the best chance of comprehension. He’s certainly had the practice on Dean.
“Don’t sugarcoat it, kiddo,” Gabe interjects briskly, shucking his jacket as part of his janitor’s outfit and tossing it on a nearby chair. They’re in the bunker now, returned from a case that was successful only in that the monster was now dead. “He copped a feelski. No one likes a feelski to be copped by a random workman, Samsquatch, no matter what the pornos tell you.”
“A feelski? Pornos?” Sam sounds irritated and bewildered, and Gabe turns to see that familiar wrinkle in his forehead and grins, which deepens the wrinkle.
“Okay, maybe someone with a face like yours could get away with copping the feelskis, but it’s still impolite not to ask first.”
“Stop confusing him, Gabriel!” Cas says, exasperated, as he struggles to undo his tie. Which is backwards again as usual, Gabe notes with satisfaction. “Sam, what he means is that it was too intimate. You didn’t know the man at all, so hugging him was the incorrect action.”
“Not to mention that you grabbed his ass.”
“You also nearly touched his ass. That’s normally a place that’s out-of-bounds even with acquaintances, and that’s why he punched you.”
“And subsequently broke his hand.” Sam’s face clears up slightly in comprehension. After the hand-breaking, Sam had stood there in front of the man they were trying to get information from, arms still slightly outstretched in the fervently rejected hug, frowning in puzzlement at the man who was howling in pain and outrage, while Gabriel had snickered unhelpfully off to the side and Cas had looked like he wanted to yell at all three of them, or possibly just set his own hair on fire in frustration.
It had only gotten better after that, as Sam had lost patience with the chaos and simply read the information from the witness’s mind and vanished to subsequent witnesses and do the same as well as actually slaying the monster before returning in an instant, which freaked all three of them out, and Gabriel had stepped up then and ordered Sam to wipe the man’s memory of the whole debacle and flash them away. ‘How to Act Human, Lesson One’ requires a remedial session evidently.
Sam’s frown is returning. “…But I still don’t understand. I witnessed Esdeniel greeting your friend Hannah that way, though they were unacquainted, and he didn’t cause offense.”
Cas is pulling a face familiar to Gabe, like he wishes he were somewhere else, not explaining Bad Touches to an angel, and casts an imploring look at his brother, who shrugs, waggles his eyebrows, and whistles the theme song to the Mario Bros.
Cas sighs. “Dean… shouldn’t have done that. It was rude. But Hannah was – it isn’t truly the correct way – hmm. People do tend to overlook socially unacceptable behaviors from men – people – who look like – Dean. He’s handsome and charming, and Hannah was also aware that he was our friend and that he might behave differently. So she wasn’t that upset by it.” Cas is studiously attending to his shoelaces and not responding to Gabriel’s helpful kissy sound effects.
“So charisma can overcome social faux pas.” Sam sounds slightly put out by this, which is…new. “Well, that seems in keeping with Esdeniel. He has always been able to charm himself out of difficult situations, even after his misbehavior during the apocalypse.”
When Sam says ‘misbehavior,’ he means, ‘siding with humanity and caring about his human charge.’ Gabriel narrows his eyes but Cas hastily interjects.
“Right. And obviously, the more familiar you are with the person, the more comfortable they’ll be letting you in their space.”
Gabe takes Cas’s distraction and runs with it. “So, for example, since Cas and Dean are Soul Lovers, that’s why Dean’s pretty much allowed to sit in Cas’s lap.”
Sam’s nodding in understanding even as Cas cuts a glare at Gabriel. “I see. Yes, their profound bond would allow such closeness.”
“But now you have a special magical pretty rainbow bond with all of us, right, Sammon Roll? Because you’re here helping us out?” Interestingly, Gabe isn’t sure what he hopes the answer will be to this. On the one hand – screw Sammich the human-ish flagpole, who had been on Satan’s side for fuck’s sake, deliberately almost letting humanity be destroyed, not caring that Cas – baby Cassie, the cutie, the littlest one of their clan, with his cute little face and sad eyes and messy hair, polite and quiet and ridiculously ticklish – Sam hadn’t cared about Cas’s time being tortured in Hell, didn’t care about his baggage, thought Dean was ridiculous for coddling him afterwards, which was frankly the best thing going for Dean in Gabe’s opinion.
But on the other hand – in the end, when it had come down to it, Sam had changed sides, right? They’d probably all be Satan’s playthings right now if he hadn’t. Redemption and atonement… well, Gabe had a lot of things to make up for too. He gets it.
So. Changing tracks. So yeah, fine, so Sam’s not so bad and Dean’s not so bad. Whatever. They’re still all dicks with wings and Gabe’s never gonna back down on that.
Sam’s frowning at him again, and Gabe has a here-and-gone flash of an impulse to kiss that crinkle in his forehead.
“There is no bond between myself and any of you, Gabriel, other than that of a comrade-at-arms. I am only here now in fact because Esdeniel insisted that I oversee Castiel’s safety while he is otherwise occupied in Heaven. Though I value your company,” he adds as an afterthought, which is an improvement at least.
Sam continues, ignoring the flush that has appeared on Cas’s face. “The bond between Castiel and Esdeniel comes from the time Castiel’s soul spent secured within Esdeniel’s Grace, and the rebuilding of that soul. They would be very intimate as a result of that.” Cas is blushing furiously and coughing to cover his embarrassment and looks relieved when Sam carries on speaking, preventing Gabe from pouncing. “In addition, Gabriel, I do not understand your continued insistence on calling me by the names of objects that bear only a passing resemblance to my name’s pronunciation.”
Gabe has an infinite bag of stupid names he’s assigned to Sam, mostly out of a futile attempt to get a rise out of him. He does this to Dean, too, on the general principal that these angels have no business getting too high-and-mighty around Gabriel’s small clan and it was up to him as the eldest to knock them down a peg or twelve. Dean’s easy to set off, but Sam… Sam just looks at him, like he’s doing now, a look of ever-so-steadily-decreasing patience flavored with bewilderment.
“Sammon roll? It’s like sushi, right? Salmon? Ah, screw it. What do you know about sophisticated humor anyway.” Gabe scoffs and turns away from Sam’s look of bewilderment, only to be confronted by Cas’s look of combined pity and disgust.
“Gabriel, that was truly pathetic. You’re scraping the bottom of the barrel.”
Gabe throws himself at Cas, cutting off Sam’s query about the bottom of what barrel. Cas shouts as he’s wrapped up in a bear hug and squeals as Gabe begins digging his fingers into his brother’s ribcage.
“Listen, kiddo, if I was really desperate to make you laugh, I’d be doing this all the time instead of making fun of the Sammon Roll,” Gabe says matter-of-factly as he shifts his hand up to wriggle the fingers in Cas’s armpits, smiling as he hears his brother’s laughter go up an octave.
“What is this,” says Sam, suddenly hovering near them and looking an odd mix of uncertain and fascinated. “Castiel, are you…? Gabriel, what are you doing?”
“Hee-heehee’s bee, beheeheeing a ahahaHAHhaheeheeee!!!” Cas’s attempted protest/explanation dissolves into wild giggling as Gabriel shifts to a sweet spot on his side.
“This is tickling, Sammich! It’s a friendly way to let your close friends and family know you love them and are thinking of them,” Gabriel explains cheerfully, exploiting every weakness he’s ever categorized on Cas’s body, gratified as always to know that some things never change.
Sam sort of leans over to see, taking on more curiosity than Gabe’s ever seen him express. “This is what Esdeniel keeps talking about? He said that Castiel is very susceptible.”
“Yup! Cassie here is verrrrry ticklish, aren’t ya, kiddo? Little brothers always are.” Gabe speaks over Cas’s laughter, knowing it drives him crazy.
“He appears to be enjoying himself, just as Esdeniel says,” Sam observes, smiling more warmly than Gabe’s seen so far, and it does funny things in his chest to see it.
Cas takes advantage of Gabe’s momentary distraction to flail with slightly more precision at his tormentor, landing an awkward punch on the side of Gabe’s head that allows him to shove the older brother off. Gabe stumbles and trips over his discarded boots.
“Ow,” he complains from his new position on the floor.
“I… I hope… I broke all… your teeth,” Cas gasps out, heartlessly unconcerned for Gabe’s wellbeing.
“But you – Castiel, you have harsh words for your brother, but this was a bonding ritual among siblings, wasn’t it?” Sam looks slightly worried now and casting doubtful glances at Gabriel, as if Gabe would ever steer him wrong.
“Sam. You should know better by now.” Cas chides, but he’s smiling as he says it. “It is an affectionate thing, mostly, but it’s – well, it’s silly and – ” Gabe is making faces and crossing his eyes at Cas from the floor where he hasn’t bothered to stand up, and Cas chuckles. “- he was being annoying and teasing me. All big brothers do.”
“I would never!” Gabe is totally mortally offended.
“Ahh,” says Sam for like the twelve hundredth time today, but this time there’s a tone to his comprehension that Gabe doesn’t care for at all. A higher level of understanding, like he finally gets it, and this sends a red flag up in Gabe’s brain. “So this is not unlike how Esdeniel would pull my wings, or run a pulse through my halo, or otherwise bother me. As older brothers do.”
“Yes, exactly! And they never let you get them back!”
“Well, no, only little brothers get tickled, it’s the natural way of things,” Gabe says uneasily, shifting from his spot on the floor – or trying to. Suddenly his limbs seem to be locked into place.
“It is very unjust.” Sam is still speaking to Cas, but he turns to look at Gabe as he says it, looking suddenly more human and more mischievous than he’s ever managed before. “And I am never one to let injustice stand, as you know.”
“Hey, what?! No way!! I was just bonding!” Gabe protests, feeling his voice start to pitch a little higher as Cas comes over, grinning widely, and cracking his knuckles theatrically.
“But I wanna show my big brother how much I love him too!” Cas says, kneeling beside Gabe and gently tweaking his ribs, making him twitch and suck in a gasp.
“Sh-shit, you better not, you little shit!! I’ll get Balthy! You’re gonna get it!!” Gabe threatens desperately, but Cas only chuckles.
“I’ll worry about that later. In the meantime… I got some justice to mete out,” he says, fingers descending on Gabe’s exposed and vulnerable belly.
Gabe will deny for all eternity that he actually shrieks, back arching as much as Sam allows (which isn’t much). It just tickles in a way that he’s never experienced – usually it’s him mercilessly tickling Cas, and even when anyone manages to sneak in a tickle on Gabe, it’s nothing like this. Cas’s fingers are everywhere, scribbling over his belly and waist, wriggling under his arms, squeezing his knees, fucking tickling the hell out of his bare feet why did he take off his boots he’s never taking off his boots again –
“EEEEEheehahahastopstopstoppit I cah, I cahn, I AHHhehehehehehEEE, I c-can’t!!” he squeaks out. His inability to squirm seems to mean that all his energy is released in increasingly ridiculous giggles.
Through the tears in his vision, he sees Sam leaning over, still smiling in that evil, evil way, and snapping his fingers and oh FUCK, suddenly there’s little tickly fingers of energy or something EVERYWHERE, filling every nerve ending with horrible tickling sensations. Gabe’s eyes close and he just laughs silently, only able to just barely suck in enough air to keep laughing. Cas is leaning back casually from his prone body, watching in smug satisfaction.
“Do you judge he’s received sufficient affection, Castiel?” Sam is asking as though he can’t see or hear the torture he’s inflicting.
“Ehhh……” Cas taps his chin casually, mulling it over, and yeah that is really annoying when people do that. “Ohhhh… I suppose.”
The tickling stops at last and Gabriel goes slack with relief, curling up with his newly-freed limbs.
“Bet you’ll think twice before tickling me again,” Cas is saying, and Gabe cannot abide the smugness in his voice.
“I’m gonna get Balthy AND Dean AND Charlie and sic them all on both of you! You want to start this war? You’re gonna get fucked up, my friends!”
They both laugh at that. “Like all of them wouldn’t be thrilled beyond words to pay you back for being an annoying pain in the ass,” Cas says, grinning insouciantly and Gabe slumps back with a groan of defeat.