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If you had asked Toge before, he would have said he had been in love before. He was sure he had, he was sure the feelings he harboured must have been love. He was so sure of that fact… until he met Yuuta.
The day he met Yuuta, everything changed. The second his eyes met his, the color of a stormy sea, Toge was completely enraptured. So much so, that he wondered if the feelings he considered love before had even been anything at all.
It was love at first sight. For Toge, anyways. And at first, he was okay with waiting for Yuuta to realize his feelings slowly. Honestly, being thrust into the jujutsu world so abruptly, he probably didn't have a lot of time to focus on love, although Toge couldn't deny there was a small, burning pit in his stomach about it.
They were obviously soulmates, so Yuuta should have realized that the second they locked eyes, just like Toge did. Yet he didn't. But, despite that knowledge gnawing at the back of his mind every second of every day, Toge loved Yuuta. He loved him so, so much, that he'd forgive this. It was fine. Eventually, he'd realize.
But then, days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months. Fuck, the leaves were even starting to change on the trees, oranges and reds blooming through the green around them as the weather started to turn cold. And every single second that passed made Toge's skin crawl.
When was he going to notice? Toge had been patient, right? Yuuta had opened up a bit more, relaxing into the jujutsu world with the help of Maki, Panda and himself. Toge even thought that he would come to his senses when they were sent on a mission together, but he didn't seem to. They had gotten closer, sure, but it wasn't enough.
As Toge sat on the grass, picking at the green blades beneath him, he frowned. His violet eyes watched intently as Yuuta practiced with Maki, how those stormy blue eyes focused on Maki a little too long. On how his hand lingered too long when either would help the other up.
“You're running out of grass.” Panda's voice cut through Toge's thoughts, but his eyes didn't leave the sparring match.
“Shake.”
“You sure like Yuuta, huh?” Panda says casually, slumping his large body beside Toge. His shoulders went stiff, his eyes slowly moving to the cursed corpse beside him.
“...Okaka.” The word was mumbled, although it wasn't a lie. He didn't ‘like’ Yuuta. He loved him, with every fiber of his body and soul. It wasn't as simple and surface level as just liking him.
“Sure, sure.” Panda nodded dismissively. “Why don't you just tell him? You humans and your weird habits…”
“Okaka.” Toge replies with a pout. He shouldn't have to tell him. He should just know, like Toge did. He should have known the second they met, like Toge did. His pout melted into a frown the more he thought about it, the burning pit in his gut growing slightly, but thankfully Panda let it go.
***
The first time Toge tried to coax Yuuta into realizing had been a mistake. One Toge should have known would happen, yet he tried anyway. They had been watching a movie when suddenly Yuuta's head was on his shoulder, soft snores escaping his lips. So, Toge wrapped his arm around him, pulling him a bit closer, feeling the heat off his body enveloping him. Yuuta didn't wake up, and Toge's heart fluttered.
He didn't dare move until the movie finished, the credits coming to an end causing the room to fall silent. And when Yuuta still didn't move, Toge gently tilt his head down, placing a soft kiss on his temple.
This is how it should be all the time, with Yuuta pressed so close to him he could feel every breath, hear every beat of his heart. His arms should be wrapped around Toge, whispering sweet nothings for only him to hear, smiling that smile only he should see, feeling his skin that shouldn't dare be pressed to anyone else.
Yet this was few and far between. A rare occurrence that only fueled Toge's desperate need for Yuuta to realize they were meant to be. Especially since Yuuta was supposed to leave for Africa soon.
Leave. That's right, he was leaving. His Yuuta was leaving and he wouldn't see him for who knows how long. His heart clenched in his chest as he glanced down at the boy sleeping on his shoulder. Maybe… just maybe…
It was a bad idea. Toge knew it was even as he brought his lips close to Yuuta's ear, feeling the shiver run through him as his breath ghosted over his skin. Swallowing hard, Toge took a deep breath before speaking the words directly into Yuuta's ear.
“Love me…”
The recoil was instantaneous. His throat was instantly shredded, hot pins and needles exploding in his throat as the backlash of his cursed speech hit him hard. Toge almost didn't move away fast enough to hide the blood splattering in his scarf as a coughing fit ripped through him. He watched through watery eyes as Yuuta startled awake in shock, his sleepy eyes locking on him in confusion.
“Inumaki-kun?! Are you alright?”
Holding up a hand, Toge tried to hold back his coughs, trying to play off the fit as simply swallowing wrong, praying it was dark enough in the room to mask that his scarf was now stained a deep crimson.
Yuuta gently placed his hand on Toge's back and began to rub small circles, a small smile on his lips as Toge vaguely heard him tease about needing to swallow properly. He relaxed into the touch, mentally cursing himself for even trying to use his cursed speech on someone with so much more cursed energy than him.
“There you go. Better?” Yuuta asked softly as the coughing subsided, and Toge simply nodded. If he tried to speak he was sure his voice would sound ragged. Instead, he grabbed his phone, typing out a message and timidly turning it to face Yuuta.
*Since you're leaving tomorrow, can you stay here tonight?*
“Huh? Stay here?”
A nod.
“I suppose I can. I already fell asleep once…” Yuuta responded with a smile. Toge could see the questions in his navy eyes, but none left his lips.
***
The next time Toge tried to coax Yuuta into realizing, it was a little more subtle, yet it was still unplanned and messy. He had finally come home from Africa after so long away, and oh my God.
The man that had returned to him was even more ethereal than the one that had left. His Yuuta had grown so tall, broad, even his hair was longer now. The only downside to the godlike person that had returned to Toge was that Toge was far from the only one that noticed. And it was starting to get on his nerves.
These people and their eyes that stuck like glue to something that wasn't theirs, their dirty hands always trying to touch what wasn't theirs, their honeyed words that always pulled that beautiful smile onto Yuuta's face that wasn't theirs.
Like right now. There was a new window, and she was way too close to Yuuta for Toge's liking. He would smile at her so sweetly, a smile that should be reserved for him.
But that's something Toge loved so dearly about Yuuta. He was so lovely to everyone. Friendly and warm and caring, yet strong and ruthless when needed. Toge didn't mind sharing Yuuta's smile, most of the time. But this girl was getting the wrong idea, and Toge couldn't let that slide. Yuuta was his, even if he didn't realize it yet.
So when he saw her hand reach out to touch Yuuta's shoulder, lingering there, Toge casually strolled up to them.
“Oh, good morning Inumaki-kun!” Yuuta smiled, and Toge couldn't help but return the smile tenfold despite the woman's still lingering hand.
“Konbu.”
“Is there something you need?” The window had asked, and Toge felt his eyes narrow before he nodded.
“Shake.” He mumbled before leaning closer to her, moving to whisper in her ear. “Leave. him. alone.”
The cursed command washed over her smoothly, barely a tickle in his throat. Her hand pulled back as if burnt before she spun on her heels and marched off without a word.
“What was that?”
“Tuna mayo.” Toge replied with a shrug. *someone needed to see her.*
“Oh. That's nice of you to find her for them.” Toge could see that Yuuta wasn't fully convinced, but he simply smiled his big, sweet smile, and once again Toge melted.
There was no way Yuuta couldn't tell what he did, right? Yet he didn't mention it, didn't bat an eye, simply giving permission? He must finally be realizing. Slower than he would have liked, but still. Toge felt a blush spread across his cheeks as he smiled back at Yuuta.
***
After a while, Toge was starting to get a reputation. It started slowly, a sentence here and there to windows that would get too close for too long. But then it started to grow.
It wasn't that big of a deal, really. So what if he reminded some people of some things? It was their own fault for forgetting their place.
Like how, maybe, some of the new windows had other places to be that they must have forgotten. Or maybe a bold stranger on the street was gently reminded that they should delete Yuuta's number and not approach him again.
He was too soft sometimes, really. Giving out his number because he felt bad hurting someone's feelings by saying no, even though he had no intention of messaging them.
And it's not like he was hurting them with his cursed speech. He was being careful.
“You're supposed to meet someone soon, you should head out.”
“Personal space is something you find important, remember?”
“Maybe texting a stranger isn't a good idea. Better just delete the number, right?”
He made sure not to use words that were dangerous. He also made sure not to use his speech on people they knew closely. Or, at least be used to.
But then, he started to notice Yuuta getting closer to Maki. And, sure, maybe it was innocent. No, obviously it was innocent. Yuuta was his, and Maki knew that. He wasn't even sure Maki was interested in men at all. Yet jealousy is a powerful thing.
Toge was late to a movie night and exhausted from a mission. Truthfully, he wouldn't have even gone if Yuuta wasn't there. When his legs that felt like lead finally dragged him to the room, he came face to face with a scene that made his blood boil.
It might have been an exaggeration. Maybe he was just overtired, or tired in general. But when he saw Maki and Yuuta on the small couch, pressed together from lack of space, Yuuta's arm around the back of the couch around her shoulders, his throat felt dry.
Maki? One of his best friends? Platonic or not, Toge was tired of people touching his Yuuta when Yuuta didn't touch him nearly enough.
So before he knew it, his feet were moving, his heart pounding in his ears as he moved behind the couch. His hand felt clammy as he pulled his scarf down, leaning over to Maki’s ear.
“You're feeling pretty tired, huh? You should head to bed now.”
Light brown eyes snapped to his seconds before the speech washed over her. Maki was formidable, but her lack of cursed energy made the command wash over fairly smoothly as she jolted to her feet and briskly walked off.
It was then that Toge noticed all the eyes on him. A flicker of panic rose in his chest, but he swallowed it down, quickly hiding his face behind his scarf again. Despite all of the concerned gazes locked on him, he didn't feel bad. Maybe he should have, but he didn't.
The only thing he felt for sure was fear when his eyes finally landed on Yuuta's wide ones.
“Inumaki-Kun? What was that?”
“...Shake…”
“Toge… Did you just use your cursed speech on Maki?”
Panda's voice was low and careful, but Toge ignored it. His focus was locked on how Yuuta's eyes were still wide. Confused. A bit scared. He'd never looked at Toge like that before. Sure, he had been scared of Toge when they first met, years ago now, but it was never this painful.
Toge chanced a glance around the room again, seeing five pairs of eyes staring back at him. And as someone opened their mouth to ask another question, Toge bolted.
It wasn't because he felt bad. He didn't. It wasn't because he was sorry. He wasn't. It was because he couldn't handle the look in Yuuta's eyes. He willed his tired legs to move faster when he heard quick footsteps behind him.
Someone was chasing him, following him. Even as he tore down the hallways towards his dorm, the sound of echoing footsteps behind him followed, but they didn't say anything.
At least not until Toge burst into his room, whipping around to slam the door. But it didn't work, a strong hand catching it before it closed and forcing it open.
“Inumaki-Kun, wait!”
“Okaka!” Toge yelped back as the door was pushed aside, sending him stumbling slightly before Yuuta forced himself into the room and closed the door. He stood in front of it, as if he was worried Toge would bolt again.
“Inumaki-Kun… What was that?”
“Okaka.”
“It was not nothing.” Yuuta frowned, and Toge winced as he looked away. He really couldn't handle the look on his face. He was mad at him, his Yuuta who rarely got mad. Was mad at him.
“Yuuta-”
“Toge. What was that?” Toge gave another wince before frowning.
“Yuuta. Love me.”
“Wha– Toge?!” The backlash was instantaneous again, if not worse from his exhaustion from the mission on top of it. Tears burned his eyes, from emotion or the pain he wasn't sure, but even with blood pouring out of his mouth he opened it again.
“Love me,” He begged, the sound choked as another wave of backlash hit him. His vision blurred a bit as he fell to his knees, and Yuuta lurched forward.
“Toge! Stop!”
“Love me!” Toge felt more than saw the reverse curse technique wash over him, warm healing light pouring from Yuuta into him. He could feel his throat mending itself quickly as Yuuta's panicked eyes looked him over.
“Stop! What are you doing?”
“Love me!!”
“Toge, stop using your speech on me! The backlash!”
“LOVE me, Yuuta!” Toge begged again, the command spilling from his lips over and over again. His body was in agony, the RCT and the backlash waging a war on his nerves. But he didn't stop. Whenever Yuuta would heal him, he would repeat his cursed command.
“Please.” He sobbed. “Love m–”
The plea was cut off abruptly by Yuuta pressing his lips to Toge's hard and quick, although there was still a bit of backlash. A cough got caught in Toge's throat, eyes wide as Yuuta pressed harder against him, hands reaching to hold his head tightly in place.
And despite all the blood, Yuuta kept pressing harder, his tongue sliding along Toge's bottom lip as he kissed him stupid, only relenting when he thought Toge was melted into enough of a daze to not speak for a second after Yuuta pulled back.
“Toge, I already love you. So, please. Stop…”
“Tuna mayo…?”
“I already love you, Toge.” Yuuta repeated softly, his hand moving to wipe some blood off of Toge's chin. “I always have.”