Chapter Text
It was cold inside him. Yoshiki thought.
Like marinated chicken. It was his first thought, his first audible thought.
And then Hikaru moaned and now he was thinking about it. Now the sounds Hikaru made were sticking to him and overriding rational thought.
It was cold. He reminded himself… because Hikaru is dead.
The sounds that played in his head and got him hard in class were not Hikaru. Because Hikaru was dead… and the thing that was possessing his body said it to him. It told him that Hikaru was dead. And Hikaru wouldn’t want this.
Yoshiki lowered his forehead to the desk. It was painful to think about, it was painful to ignore.
Had he really been the only person to notice that Hikaru was different? Had his mother noticed? Had their friends noticed… anything?
Sometimes they said Hikaru seemed clingy but that was hardly a grain of sand in the wide beach of details that made this Hikaru different…
If Yoshiki liked touching Hikaru… if he wanted to touch him again… what did that make him? A bad friend… a rapist… a necrophiliac?
Was he a monster for wanting someone who looked so much like him, who talked like him and shared memories with him?
Would he still be a monster if he hadn’t called him out? If he had been living with the lie, letting the creature impersonate his friend and just living with it as if nothing had changed? And what if he had touched him then…? Would Yoshiki be a monster then?
Yoshiki crossed his arms over his body and clung tight to his chest.
No matter how he thought about it…it didn’t feel right.
But of course… playing games this close to the edge, with a corpse infesting demon was only half of the problem… because that was assuming he could trust what that thing was saying… could he trust it’s judgement… what if Hikaru was alive… dying but still somehow conscious… and when the creature expressed its feelings it was mixing them together with whatever scraps remained of his friend’s real personality.
Hikaru and Yoshiki’s unspoken exchanges… feelings that had built for some time and had gone unexpressed.
Yoshiki would never know if this could have ever been something that the real Hikaru would have wanted. Or if it would have disgusted him.
Maybe Yoshiki was worse then any corpse inhabiting demon could be… because he wanted to push something on Hikaru… on his mixed up memories and feelings and coax something out of it for his own gain.
The demon clearly didn’t have the same concept of sex and intimacy… otherwise it wouldn’t have invited Yoshiki to put his hand inside it… and Hikaru… there was no way for Yoshiki to know what Hikaru had felt… what he would be capable of feeling.
Or was there… would there be… was there any chance that a small window of truth could be uncovered? If there was…
If there was a single thread of hope….
Yoshiki rose from his desk and walked through the heavy rain to Hikaru’s house.
No one was home… His mom’s car was gone.
Maybe Hikaru had gone with her.
Yoshiki sent Hikaru a text and Hikaru was still at home… alone… he opened the door for Yoshiki, he smiled at him. But he looked cautious since they had been arguing so much lately, setting up so many boundaries. Yoshiki had pulled back and Hikaru knew it, he knew not to take it personally but it was clear that it upset him… or at least the demon was upset.
“Should have texted sooner, I would have walked home with you- woah dude why are all wet-?” Hikaru was laughing at him.
Yoshiki was soaked through, hair plastered to his head, clothing heavy and cold.
“Can I ask you something?” Yoshiki said, he said it slowly, his voice almost shivering with the cold. But he wouldn’t let it, he wasn’t going to loose his nerve; It all felt so fragile, like if he spent a single second to acknowledge his discomfort his resolve would snuff out.
Hikaru nodded “Sure what’s up?”
“When you talked about… his feelings…” Yoshiki swallowed thickly. “When you said that you weren’t sure which feelings were yours… and which ones were his…”
Hikaru looked tense now, he closed the door and walked further into the house, non of the lights were on, the dark stormy sky only lit the house enough for Yoshiki to navigate the floor.
Hikaru was backing away from him slightly, his eyes were looking from the floor to the ceiling while he listened.
“Can you tell me… which feelings you think were his?” Yoshiki said.
Hikaru glanced at him before turning his eyes back to the floor. “I- I don’t think… I can tell the difference anymore…” his eyes scanned the floor and then fixed on the puddle forming at Yoshiki’s feet.
The dripping water from Yoshiki’s pant cuff.
“Can you try?” Yoshiki said, it sounded more demanding then he’d intended.
Hikaru scratched the back of his head. “You know that I… couldn’t stop him from dying…” Hikaru didn’t look at Yoshiki “all I get are memories… the feelings are… I don’t know… I can’t really explain them.”
“Please” Yoshiki said “Try”
“Let me- get a towel-“ He said giving the puddle at Yoshiki’s feet one last glance.
Yoshiki clenched his teeth, Hikaru wasn’t listening. He stepped out of the puddle, he grabbed Hikaru by the wrist and lead him across the hall and into the bathroom where the floor was tile.
Yoshiki turned on Hikaru, the red center of his eyes changed to blue in the reflective light of the dark bathroom, Yoshiki closed the door on them and starred at Hikaru waiting for answers.
Hikaru looked concerned. It wasn’t a very familiar expression on Hikaru’s face… he was always so light hearted. But his eyes were the right color now and it felt good to look at them like that.
The red center was always so pleasant, how had no one seen that? How had no one pointed it out? And yet… Yoshiki knew exactly why no one pointed it out. It was the same reason that Yoshiki didn’t point it out even though he himself had noticed it the first day that Hikaru had been brought back from the mountain.
People didn’t notice… but it wasn’t because the demons replacement was good enough to fool anyone. People didn’t see because no one wanted to see. Red eyes were a trick of the light… a sudden change in personality was just a high schooler going through a phase… a Hikaru who laughed a little louder wasn’t going to raise any eyebrows.
“We have dry cloths you know…“ Hikaru was looking back at Yoshiki, still holding the look of concern, listening to the soft sound of the rain outside and the of water dripping from Yoshiki’s hair and cloths to the floor.
The bathroom was colder then the kitchen, darker, with only the one window. The rain sounded louder in here.
Yoshiki didn’t want to ask it again. But he still hadn’t gotten an answer.
Because if there was any chance that Hikaru could still be alive, that some part of him… even just in memory could still express some small particle of himself, then Yoshiki had to hear it.
Yoshiki closed the bathroom door and backed Hikaru against the door.
Hikaru shifted against the door and it wobbled slightly, the wood bumping wood sounded a little like thunder in the acoustics of the tiled bathroom.
“He was…” Hikaru started and then swallowed “really happy sometimes… but whenever I get that feeling… its because I was thinking of a memory with you…” Hikaru met Yoshiki’s eyes for a moment, “sometimes… he would feel happy because he knew that he was going to see you later.” Hikaru said.
Yoshiki had closed off a memory… something from his childhood that had been locked in a closet… because he knew it was happy and it was sad. He couldn’t remember the details of it anymore… it was like he could remember the route but not the name of the destination… and that he was sure if he fallowed the rout that he would make it back there… if he could dare to face it.
“What else?” Yoshiki said.
“He…” Hikaru spoke a little softer “was afraid… he knew that when you left for collage… that you wouldn’t come back… not the same.”
Yoshiki could feel his jaw ache and his eyes prick “What else?”
“He was sad… about a lot of things, sometimes about his parents and sometimes about you…”
Yoshiki still had one hand on the bathroom door keeping it closed, he clenched his fist. He swallowed thickly and looked at Hikaru, Hikaru was looking back.
“And when I do this-“ Yoshiki started, he lifted his hand from the door to place it on Hikaru’s chest over his heart. “What does he feel?”
Hikaru blinked at him, he lifted his own hand to put it on Yoshiki’s wrist. “Its hard… to know what- I don’t know-“
“Why don’t you know?” Yoshiki said, pressing his hand against his chest a little harder like he had against the door.
Hikaru gripped Yoshiki’s wrist more tenderly, no longer defensive and just holding him in place softly. “Because you never did that… while he was alive-“
“Lier” Yoshiki said, he smiled despite himself… but by Hikaru’s face his smile didn’t look disarming… it looked manic and off-putting.
But Yoshiki was telling the truth… because he knew what memory he had locked away… the friendly wrestling matches that got a little too close… the eyes that lingered too long… the small confessions he’d made at the wrong moments… How did Hikaru feel about those?
Hikaru took a deep breath beneath his hand. “I promised you that I wouldn’t lie.” He said.
Yoshiki grit his teeth, he slid his hand up to hold Hikaru under his chin. “Then say it- I know he remembers… tell me how he felt-“
“Afraid-“ Hikaru said, barely above a breath.
Yoshiki took a stuttered breath. “Is he still afraid?”
Hikaru nodded.
Yoshiki closed his eyes. He clenched his hand in Hikaru’s shirt.
Yoshiki hissed a curse, he dropped his head down against Hikaru’s chest. “I’m sorry Hikaru-“ he said.
Hikaru took his hand off his wrist and instead rested it on the back of Yoshiki’s head.
Yoshiki could feel his tearing eyes soak the front of Hikaru’s shirt and quickly backed off. “Fuck” he said wiping his eyes with his hand again. But he could see ware his wet cloths had been pressed against Hikaru in several places.
“I’m not afraid…” Said Hikaru, said the body that Hikaru had once inhabited.
Yoshiki pushed away. “I don’t- I asked you how he felt-“
Hikaru nodded “And I told you- he’s afraid… but he’s not afraid of you… he could never be afraid of you.” Hikaru said.
And Yoshiki could feel the tears falling now, leaking from his eyes and falling from his cheeks before he could wipe them away.
Hikaru leaned in slightly, closer, but didn’t touch him. He let Yoshiki’s hand be the only place they touched.
“Are you afraid, Yoshiki?” Hikaru said.
Yoshiki shook his head “No” he said but his voice sounded horse. “I feel ashamed.”
Hikaru was looking at him now. “I don’t think that he would want that…”
Yoshiki blinked and wiped his eyes until he could hold his tears back again. “Want what?” Yoshiki hissed, now with frustration.
“He wouldn’t want you to feel shame.” Hikaru said.
Yoshiki shook his head, and sniffed. He let go of Hikaru and back away a few steps, until his hip hit the sink edge. “How would you know?”
Hikaru took a step to fallow Yoshiki “Because I don’t know what that feels like, shame… and if I know I’ve never felt it… then… it must be him… his feelings.”
Yoshiki smiled again but it let loose another trail of tears and he wiped them away. Yoshiki sighed, his face felt sore with the effort to speak and still hold back. “Can you talk like him…?” Yoshiki said and Hikaru frowned. But Yoshiki shook his head, wiping his eyes again. “Say what you think he would say… like you used to… when you didn’t want me to find out.”
Hikaru looked hesitant, “But… when I used to try… you found out anyway.”
Yoshiki nodded “Yeah I know… but I think you’ll be better at now.”
Hikaru stared at Yoshiki for a long moment and then his face began to change. Shifting from still concern to more casual smile. “Its gonna be ok ya’know- don’t go freaking out on me-“ Hikaru said and the words sounded like they were being partly acted by an inexperienced performer, who was playing up the tone and saying the lines too clearly. Like he was reading them for the first time. Hikaru matched the words with a playful gesture. He knocked the back of his hand on Yoshiki’s arm, as if they in a playful conversation at school… Yoshiki was sure that the real Hikaru had made that gesture before.
It felt good…
Yoshiki nodded and tried to force a casual smile to match Hikaru “Sorry… I don’t know what came over me…” he said and then he realized why it felt like a script… he’d had this conversation with the real Hikaru before… a long time ago.
Yoshiki had almost said it back then, he’d almost come out to Hikaru, spilled his feelings unceremoniously like a confession on the floor. And Hikaru had laughed it off like he was doing now.
“Good, don’t scare me like that-“ Hikaru said.
That was how their conversation had ended the last time.
Yoshiki could feel his heart sink, this wasn’t what he wanted.
Hikaru was reaching for the door handle, he’d turned around and improved his casual smile. Yoshiki had reassured him that he had nothing to worry about. And now their scripted conversation was over.
Hikaru reached for the door handle but then Yoshiki put a hand on the door to stop him, but instead of closing the door he grabbed Hikaru by the arm.
“Woah dude- what?” Hikaru started letting Yoshiki turn him around without resistance, letting Yoshiki back him against the door again.
Yoshiki had to do it now… what he’d wished he done back then.
He moved in, standing close, trapping Hikaru against the door. Hikaru looked calm: unfazed, unthreatened.
In one motion Yoshiki kissed him, he felt Hikaru’s head hit the door, he felt his body flinch with slight surprise. He could feel the resistance, the panic… the fear that the demon had warned him about… because even though they were both acting… the demon was probably right… to read Hikaru’s feelings like this… as rejection…
Hikaru tried to push Yoshiki back off him but Yoshiki grabbed Hikaru’s hands and fought him back against the door, kissing him hard until Hikaru opened his mouth. Until he let him in.
Hikaru gave a strangled noise and Yoshiki pressed harder. Working his tongue between Hikaru’s lips. Yoshiki’s hand slide down Hikaru’s chest. Hikaru’s heart was racing. His body felt hot.
He should have done this… back then… before Hikaru went up the mountain… there were so many times that he’d almost had nerve to try.
The sound of their shifting bodies made the door wobble and shutter.
Yoshiki pulled away and looked down into Hikaru’s horrified expression.
“You knew… right?” Yoshiki said, barely above a whisper.
And Hikaru closed his eyes as if to cover them from something ugly and dangerous.
“Tell me that you knew!” Yoshiki demanded and Hikaru nodded meekly… it was starting to feel out of character but this was the closest he had.
“Then say it- You’re afraid- you think I’m disgusting- you never want to speak to me again-“ Yoshiki rambled but Hikaru shook his head locking eyes with him.
They were still grey… like the real Hikaru. “I’m not scared of you.”
Yoshiki huffed a sigh- he couldn’t tell what part of the script they were on… how much he could trust. But the words still soothed him, like cold water on a fresh burn. It felt good… even if they couldn’t heal the damage that had been done.
Yoshiki leaned in, this time just to press his forehead to Hikaru’s. “Now tell me you don’t want this.”
Hikaru hesitated at that, and Yoshiki could have sworn he’d seen a flash of red at the center of Hikaru’s eyes… it was a trick of the light he told himself… because Hikaru had not died… he was alive… part of him was battling this demon and the demon was letting him speak now.
“Say it… say you don’t want what I want-“ Yoshiki said.
But Hikaru shook his head. “I do want you Yoshiki-“
“Lier!” Yoshiki said slamming a hand against the door. But Hikaru didn’t flinch, not as meek as he had pretended to be moments ago.
“I want you-“ Hikaru said.
“You don’t-!” Yoshiki snapped back “If you felt that way- you would have-“ Yoshiki caught a lump in his throat and couldn’t finish.
Hikaru was moving slowly, moving closer to him, he was reaching down to take one of Yoshiki’s hands in his.
Yoshiki froze, feeling the warmth of his hands, the fingers that gently manipulated his hand and then drew it up beneath his shirt.
Yoshiki flinched back but Hikaru caught him, pinching his palm before he could escape. And then drawing him back under his shirt.
Yoshiki’s breath caught when he felt his fingers brush against the edge of the opening, the long slit near the center of Hikaru’s chest. Hikaru was open for him. And now Yoshiki was afraid… was it Hikaru that was guiding him there? or was the demon using Hikaru’s body and Hikaru’s voice and Hikaru’s memories to get Yoshiki there?
“No-“ Yoshiki panted.
But Hikaru kept his hand in place. “I want to feel you… again.”
Yoshiki tried to pull his hand away but Hikaru’s grip was strong and in their struggle Yoshiki could feel his finger dip inside, like flicking the surface of a puddle. Hikaru reacted gasping as if Yoshiki had cut him. but still clung to his hand, still keeping Yoshiki’s positioned above him.
Yoshiki kicked one leg up against the door to give himself leverage, to try to pry his hand away from Hikaru, but instead he slipped with all the water on the floor from his cloths and Hikaru went down with him and they both hit the tile and struggled on the floor for a moment before Yoshiki had landed on top of Hikaru, his hand under Hikaru’s shirt had snapped several buttons off the bottom. Hikaru had caught Yoshiki’s arm and was holding them together. His head was still, resting against the door. The water on Yoshiki’s cloths had soaked through some of Hikaru’s in all the places they touched.
Yoshiki paused, watching Hikaru, the eyes that stared up at him perfectly calm and unafraid… he had stopped acting then… their script was finished.
Yoshiki hung his head and closed his eyes. His knee hurt from landing on the tile. “Fuck” Yoshiki said, drops of water were dripping from his hair and his face and he didn’t bother wiping them away. “I’m sorry…” Yoshiki said to Hikaru’s shirt, to the part of it that was still closed.
But then Yoshiki noticed a dark spot on Hikaru’s shirt, white fabric that was blotched with a dark color.
Was that blood?
Yoshiki sat up, reaching one hand down to grab the fabric. “I- did I- are you ok?” Yoshiki said.
But Hikaru was still smiling at him, he didn’t answer he reached his hand forward to touch Yoshiki’s face. Yoshiki was still, while Hikaru wiped at finger over Yoshiki’s lip and then turning his hand to show Yoshiki blood, it was Yoshiki’s blood that had been dripping with the water from his hair…
Yoshiki smiled with relief and wiped it with is sleeve. He started laughing, and then he couldn’t stop. Laughing felt so good.
Hikaru was still smiling back at him and then he was laughing too and they were laughing together and it had been so long… so so long… since he had laughed with Hikaru and then Hikaru leaned up on his elbows, his face finding Yoshiki’s beneath his hair and Hikaru placed a soft kiss against his lips. The water and blood on his lip felt like it sealed them together for an instant. Then Hikaru pulled away and smiled at Yoshiki.
Do you want this?
Yoshiki lifted his hand to touch Hikaru’s face, to run his thumb over warm skin.
Please tell me you do…
Hikaru turned into Yoshiki’s palm brushing his lips against it. Yoshiki let him, he adjusted himself, he was holding himself over Hikaru. Their legs had tangled together when they fell and now both of them were adjusting themselves to support their own weight easier. But in their adjustment they were deciding who was sitting between who’s legs.
Hikaru lifted his legs around Yoshiki so that Yoshiki sat between them and then Hikaru sat up and reached one arm around Yoshiki, he drew them into a light embrace, were Hikaru hung from him and slide his face against the side of Yoshiki’s so that his lips were right over his ear.
“Did you ever think about us before?” Hikaru said.
Yoshiki put his hand over Hikaru’s heart again. He couldn’t answer that… he didn’t like that Hikaru was saying “us” he was sure that he mean “us” as in Yoshiki and Hikaru… not Hikaru and the demon… it felt like the demon wanted to be included… that it had already made up its mind about Yoshiki and it wanted him… and it was asking like Hikaru wanted him too.
And it was asking if Yoshiki had thought about… he’d tried so hard to lock away the thoughts he knew he shouldn’t have.
Yoshiki could feel Hikaru smiled against his ear. “I think he did.”
Now Yoshiki felt hot, and cold where his knees came into contact with the tile and suffocated by the humid air in the dark bathroom.
“I can’t tell if they were dreams or thoughts…” Hikaru went on “But they are strange… because I know that he’s never felt that before… even though I can picture it.”
Yoshiki’s heart was speeding up. “Picture what?” He said.
Hikaru lowered his hand to Yoshiki’s wrist and Yoshiki let Hikaru guide his hand lower and lower down the front of Hikaru’s body, Yoshiki let Hikaru guide his fingers over his belt and then to the warmth under the fabric between his legs.
Yoshiki closed his eyes, he was afraid to breath afraid to react… how should he react?
Hikaru let out a soft noise when they made contact through his pants.
Yoshiki gripped him through the fabric “Talk- like he did- like he would- you’re not pretending anymore.” he said it and rubbed harder then he meant too. But Hikaru moaned and moved with him.
“Yoshiki” he gasped.
Yoshiki closed his eyes, he tried let the fantasy take hold, but it wouldn’t take.
He moved his hand slowly up and down the length of Hikaru through his pants, they were wet, because Yoshiki had landed on him there and his cloths had soaked through Hikaru’s
“Yoshiki” Hikaru sighed again.
Yoshiki leaned closer, he was leaning over him, his knees sliding on the tile, his hand finding a rough teasing pace.
Yoshiki was racing the thoughts in the back of his mind.
They were just playing at this. Because Hikaru was dead, and they were just playing with his corpse.
Yoshiki could feel the panic rise in him and then Hikaru would moan his name again. And Yoshiki would pull him closer, Hikaru reached up, no longer leaning his head on the door, they were clinging to each other in a half tangled embrace on the tile, except where their hips were positioned apart to make room from Yoshiki’s hand.
“Talk like him… tell me to stop-“ Yoshiki whispered in Hikaru’s ear but Yoshiki’s hand caught on the wet fabric and gave Hikaru a rougher stoke then he meant to and Hikaru wined and clung to him tighter.
Yoshiki pulled his hand away but Hikaru caught him by the wrist not to drag him back to his erection but to instead guide him back to the slit, now moved just over his belt.
Yoshiki was going to say no- to tell him how wrong this was but Hikaru wasn’t guiding him to the edge like he had before; He wasn’t staying open for Yoshiki to decide, instead he guided Yoshiki’s hand inside and Yoshiki flinched as his hand was plunged in. It was faster then the first time, tighter with Hikaru drawing him in… this time the feeling of being drawn down by a drain pulled him in immediately.
And Yoshiki gasped at the feeling. Hikaru locked his other arm around the back of Yoshiki’s neck so that they were still close, And when Yoshiki tried to pull back Hikaru clung tighter. He turned Yoshiki’s head down. As if he didn’t want him to see.
This was part of the act… part of their unfinished script… it didn’t matter if they were using an opening that only a demon had, they were doing this different from before. Different from how the demon had presented this to Yoshiki the first time at school… they were doing this with the blend of Hikaru’s memories… or… where they doing this with the demon’s frustration of feeling rejected because Yoshiki kept asking to to pretend to be someone else. So he was guiding Yoshiki’s hand in and out. It was like being moved in and out of a whirl pool trying to pull him down deep into a drain, but the water was flesh, cold and slick and turning around him, drawing him deeper.
Yoshiki wanted to resist and he wanted to give in… because he was frustrated too… he’d wished that he had confessed to Hikaru while he was sure that he could honestly reject him instead of waiting until after he died to use his memories and feelings and bits of him that were being scripted together… desires that could have existed or could not have existed at all manifesting in a demon that wanted him possibly because the real Hikaru had repressed desires… or repressed fear… or repressed hatred. Yoshiki couldn’t tell but he hated that this felt good. To feel the push and pull and violence of Hikaru guiding his movements, of holding Yoshiki’s wrist in a crushing grip.
Yoshiki gave in and let Hikaru guide his movements, in and out.
“Are you afraid? Yoshiki?” Hikaru asked and Yoshiki shook his head and started to lean into the movements, trying to anticipate when Hikaru would pull him in so that he matched it, so that he could put some intentional pressure behind it to prove to Hikaru… this wasn’t going to bother him… not any more.
When Yoshiki moved Hikaru started to loose his pace, his breath caught and came in slightly uneven huffs.
“Does it feel good?” Hikaru asked.
Yoshiki leaned back enough to look Hikaru in the eye. His face was wet from where Yoshiki’s hair had wiped across it.
“You’re using my hand.” Yoshiki reminded him but Hikaru didn’t seem to know the difference… the demon really didn’t have a concept of how sex worked for humans at all.
“What should I use?” Hikaru asked, he was still moving Yoshiki’s hand in and out. His face was flushed now, even under the blue light.
Yoshiki swallowed… it had been a thought that he’d been afraid to take full shape. Because it would feel like sex wouldn’t it? It would feel like how he’d imagined it would feel… but… it would feel cold…
Yoshiki could feel his own heart racing… beating in protest of the thought the moment he’d dared to think it.
Hikaru smiled slightly, he didn’t need an answer from Yoshiki anymore.
He released Yoshiki’s hand, and then turned his hand to feel the front of Yoshiki’s pants. Fondle the erection that he’d had for a while.
Yoshiki flinched but kept quiet. He didn’t know what to say.
Hikaru was smirking at him, rubbing him with his palm. “You wanna try it right?” Hikaru said.
And Yoshiki held Hikaru’s shirt in his fist. He wanted to say yes, but Hikaru was right… he was afraid.
Hikaru didn’t wait for an answer, Yoshiki was kneeling over him, so that he was positioned a little higher then Hikaru and Hikaru held Yoshiki by the hip and guided himself up to align them. Yoshiki was still dressed but Hikaru didn’t seem to see that as a problem, he positioned the slit over Yoshiki’s erection as if to put him in like this. Yoshiki snapped from his trance to stop him.
“Wait-“ Yoshiki started “Hold on-“ Yoshiki was undoing his belt and pants and Hikaru was watching. When Yoshiki was free Hikaru stared at him.
“Are you sure you-?“ Yoshiki started but Hikaru rose again, his hand sliding up over Yoshiki, taking him in his hand and guiding him close the way that he had guided Yoshiki’s hand a moment ago.
Yoshiki grabbed Hikaru’s shoulders as if to stop him but he would feel it as if passed the barrior, the cold movement around him, the pressure that drew him deeper. Yoshiki clenched Hikaru’s shoulders trying to catch his breath.
Hikaru had his forehead against Yoshiki’s chest panting softly as he moved on him, guiding Yoshiki in an out of him the way he had done with his hand. Each time Yoshiki was moved in he would feel his body clench and his erection stiffen uncomfortably. And each time he was moved out he could feel the clawing sensation of desire. His body that wanted something he hadn’t allowed it to want for so long.
“Hikaru” Yoshiki breathed over him. Because it did feel good and it felt wrong and he wanted to see Hikaru’s face and make sure that he still wanted this.
Hikaru moved again, his hands hand moved back down to Yoshiki’s hips, he was setting the pace and he was moving faster now, more steady the way that he rocked Yoshiki in against him.
Yoshiki couldn’t find the words to speak, couldn’t hold a thought long enough to feel it, there was only the cold wet movement on his cock and suddenly he was trying to steady Hikaru by his shoulders and drive the pace harder, faster until Hikaru stopped fighting him and let him take control. Until Hikaru was letting out soft wines with every thrust Yoshiki made.
Yoshiki closed his eyes, dropping his head back and tried to fixate on any thought that didn’t remind him of what he was really doing.
Because he couldn’t decide on what felt more disturbing, what felt more like the nightmare that this really was.
But the only thing he could hear was the soft wine Hikaru gave each time he entered him.
He wanted that… just that… couldn’t he just imagine that non of this had happened… and that they had confessed their screwed up feelings on a rainy day and Hikaru had wanted him, and that Yoshiki wasn’t going to cum in the insides of a creature right now. That each movement wasn’t tempting him further into a delusion. Because what if Hikaru was still here? What if part of him was alive and feeling this… feeling Yoshiki and then what-?
Enjoying it? Wanting him along side the creature?
Yoshiki was close and he ground his teeth. He wasn’t ready for this to stop.
But then Hikaru pulled off him. And Yoshiki flinched, it was warmer in the bathroom then it had been inside him.
But Hikaru was moving, panting as he stopped and then quickly undoing his own pants and when Yoshiki looked down Hikaru was undressed and hard and smiling up at him from the floor. Hikaru stood and then helped Yoshiki up to stand level with him and then he drew them back together. He moved his hand around them and started to grind them together, Hikaru’s erection was hot and hard and against him and Yoshiki snapped from his panic and disgust and for a moment Hikaru was back with him again. Hikaru backed Yoshiki into the wall and he kissed the side of his neck, he reached down with his hand to jack them off together.
Hikaru’s hips moved in time with his hand and Yoshiki gasped with the effort to hold back. Why did this feel so right?
He turned Hikaru’s face toward him and kissed him hard.
Hikaru kissed him back he was grinning against his lips, and then Yoshiki moved his hand down slipping inside the slit that was still open, this time it was higher, Yoshiki reached in for the place he’d found before, up through him somewhere near his heart and suddenly Hikaru stopped smiling and gasped against him. His hand couldn’t keep a consistent pace and Yoshiki moved quickly to find it, his hand slipped through flesh, it felt soft like he could hold it between his fingers but every time he tried it would slip away, he could only move against it.
“Yoshiki-agh-“ Hikaru said and Yoshiki pushed them apart so that he could reach in easier, Hikaru fell back easily, Yoshiki tried to turn them so that he could back Hikaru into the wall but he didn’t see the bathtub behind them and instead Hikaru tripped and landed hard, he looked up at Yoshiki completely numb to the pain of falling and pulled Yoshiki down with him so that they were still connected. Still grinding into each other, Yoshiki’s hand was still inside him.
But now when their eyes met, Yoshiki could see bubbles of Hikaru’s insides the true form that was seeping out from his eyes when he looked back at him.
“Are you ok?” Yoshiki breathed but Hikaru didn’t answer, he pulled Yoshiki hard toward him so that both of them were now in the empty bathtub and Yoshiki was on top of him, positioned between his legs. Hikaru was inviting him in. The whirlpool was drawing Yoshiki’s hand closer, deeper.
Yoshiki guided Hikaru’s pull into a kiss, he was leaned over Hikaru, thrusting his tongue into his mouth and sliding his hand in further, feeling something like walls or barriers of muscle… maybe bone that stopped him from going deeper. Hikaru wined when Yoshiki’s hand slide in against him. As if he’d hit the floor of the bathtub and was sliding with the effort to catch himself. Hikaru gave another jolt, moving under Yoshiki but not rejecting him. Just leaning up as if to angle Yoshiki’s hand where he wanted it and then he tightened, closing like a vice, like Yoshiki had stuck his hand into a open mouthed trap. Yoshiki tried to move, his first instinct was to pull out but he was stopped, he was stuck. His next instinct was to sink in deeper and Hikaru squirmed and murmured something.
Yoshiki sat up slightly, positioning himself properly between Hikaru’s legs so that they could still grind against each other while Hikaru drew one arm up to lay over his eyes. While his head fell back and his back arched up to keep Yoshiki angled right.
Yoshiki was getting it now, he could feel the difference, he could see the difference.
Hikaru’s grip on their cocks was slipping, slowing down, Yoshiki dropped his other hand to help him keep the pace, holding Hikaru’s hand around them and moving in time with the thrusts he made against him.
He was close… Hikaru was close. He wanted to cum like this. He wanted to feel Hikaru cum against him.
And suddenly Hikaru cried out and the walls around Yoshiki went black, red, and blue and Yoshiki could feel himself sinking in. His hand going first, and raw chicken became quick sand, closing around him, swallowing him whole and around him Hikaru’s insides, like ink and oil splayed out over open water. Then taking form like tentacles and wrapping around Yoshiki. Climbing his legs and wrapping around his hips and their hands and seeping between their fingers to where Yoshiki was still jacking them off.
The cold seared into him, slick like melting ice, why did that feel good? Yoshiki was waist deep in the oil and ink and still he could feel Hikaru drawing him in, writhing around him. It didn’t matter if it was cold.
Yoshiki gasped when he felt Hikaru shutter, though his body was now warped with the tendrils of the creature. Yoshiki could feel where Hikaru’s legs tightened around him, where his hips still pressed against his own, where his erection still burned hot against his palm. It was like they were still positioned together in the bathtub that was now filling with cold ink and blackening the surface too dark for Yoshiki to see, but he could feel it.
And though Hikaru’s body was mostly submerged under him he could still see his face, his jaw where it was taped up above the surface of the ink and gasped in a wordless for Yoshiki to release him. But Yoshiki kept moving. It was like thrusting into ice water that sloshed and jostled the tendrils that still writhed with Hikaru’s small sounds of overstimulation.
Yoshiki bowed his head. He couldn’t cum, not like this, he was too afraid of the cold; What it meant.
Though the warm body under the ice still clung to him the water level was rising Hikaru was sinking beneath it.
Yoshiki was loosing his pace, his hand was slipping, he could feel that Hikaru had cum and Yoshiki let him go his hand was being released and he pulled out.
Yoshiki panted, it hurt to stop, to stop touching himself. But then there was moment under the water, under the ink, like Hikaru was lifting himself up further into Yoshiki’s lap, like he was wrapping his legs around his waist and drawing them together. And then hands reached up from the dark and grabbed Yoshiki to yank him under.
Yoshiki could feel himself hit the water’s surface and feel the impact like a cold plunge into pitch black.
And in that moment he could feel something hot and tight grip him, something warm and knew close around him when he moved, when he thrust into it and Yoshiki shuttered with feeling. The cold was finding its way inside him, closing over his mouth and nose and reaching inside the corners of his eyes. But he didn’t care, he was still in the bathtub, Hikaru still had his legs around him. Yoshiki was vaguely aware that he was penetrated him, that the shutters of pleasure he could feel around his cock were a sign that he was inside him.
Yoshiki lowered himself over Hikaru, trying to find the body, the face or the arms that had sunk below him out of sight. Somewhere something held him, an arm reached out from the dark to wrap around him, to embrace him. Somewhere he still had Hikaru under him. Yoshiki dropped his head down against the only thing that felt like a body, feeling what remained of a heartbeat beneath skin. And moved in slow thrusts until he came and clung to Hikaru.
Suddenly sounds were distorted and colors swirled around him, blues and reds interlayer with black, it was feeling like it had before. When Hikaru had bend over him and poured out over his face on the floor of their classroom. But now Yoshiki gave in. He stopped trying to breath, he didn’t need to. He stopped trying to see and hear and hold.
He let his body be closed in the tendrils of the creature. All pleasure and pain seemed to intertwine and mingle so close they became inseparable. Not consumed but combined.
Somewhere there was a heart that beat and it was still speeding up in panic… or maybe it was two… but there was no difference between them.
“Yoshiki- your mine Yoshiki” a familiar voice lulled softly.
Yeah… Yoshiki thought idly, it feels good. But he couldn’t feel a body anymore, he couldn’t identify the separation between himself and the surrounding darkness.
The heartbeats where growing faint and then suddenly silent.
And then it was only black and dark.
And then somewhere there was the sound of cicadas and Yoshiki was laying on his back in a few inches of clear water.
It was warm and easy and painless. He blinked lazily at the sun.
“Yoshiki!” Hikaru said from somewhere far away. “Hey get up!” The voice said but it was distorted and miles away.
Yoshiki blinked and sat up, but he was sitting next to someone. Hikaru.
Hikaru smiled at him but his face was a mass of shifting liquid, like the insides of the demon.
Then Hikaru’s voice called for Yoshiki again. But he still sounded far away and the Hikaru sitting right beside him didn’t move his mouth when the voice spoke.
Instead it waited for the far away Hikaru to stop talking and then it spoke “Yoshiki” it said and Yoshiki opened his eyes, he was on his back in a dark bathroom, in an empty bathtub. He felt good but he didn’t feel like he could move.
“Yoshiki!” Came Hikaru’s voice from beside him. He was leaning his arms on the tub, Hikaru was dressed already… Yoshiki wasn’t. He pants were still undone, his shirt was still sticking to him through part of it was open.
“Come on get up- my mom is home.” Hikaru said.
Yoshiki blinked slowly at Hikaru, then down at his body.
There were several dark hand prints, like the one on his wrist. Like he had come into contact with the demon’s form in several places… Yoshiki didn’t lift his head, he dropped it back to the bottom of the tub.
His body was starting to feel sore and he could feel a bruise forming on his knee and thigh where he had struck the tile and the bathtub when he fell.
“Hey- Yoshiki- can you hear me?” Hikaru said and he reached into the tub to grab Yoshiki’s hand but when he pulled it Yoshiki could feel several other bruises activate where he had entangled with Hikaru in the bath.
“Ow-“ Yoshiki croaked his voice felt like it had gone hours without being used… how long had they been in this bathroom?
Hikaru pulled Yoshiki up from the floor of the tub and sat him up, and began to fix Yoshiki’s pants and shirt when he was stable.
“I’ve never done that with a human… that probably felt really weird for you-“ Hikaru said causally, trying button Yoshiki’s shirt up but putting the wrong buttons in the holes. “I’m sorry that I hurt you…” Hikaru said, he kept his eyes low.
Yoshiki shook his head and then pushed Hikaru off so that he could button his shirt the rest of the way. “You tried to eat me right?” Yoshiki said, eyeing Hikaru for confirmation.
But Hikaru smiled scratching his head “Nah- that was something else… I think I was trying to blend with you… not something that we can do with human’s exactly… at least we’re not supposed to.” Hikaru shrugged, his eyes looking apologetically at Yoshiki.
Yoshiki smiled and put his hand into Hikaru’s hair and ruffled it with a sloppy, exhausted motion before he attempted to stand but he tipped slightly and Hikaru caught his arm. “Whoa” Hikaru started, holding Yoshiki upright. “You should come to my room.”
Hikaru eyed the places were his handprints were starting to become more clear on Yoshiki’s skin.
“Ok” Yoshiki said and Hikaru helped him out of the bath and down the hall.
They walked passed the kitchen and there was someone moving in there, though the lights were still kept off.
“I’m home! Hikaru, are you awake-?“ Hikaru’s mother called without looking at the two of them as they walked past. Yoshiki could smell something in the kitchen. Something vaguely warm and savory.
“Yeah- I’m here Mom.. me and Yoshiki are gonna hang out in my room.” Hikaru said and his mother agreed pleasantly without poking her head into the hall to see them.
Thank god, Yoshiki thought, he still didn’t know how to explain the way he looked…
Me and Hikaru had a fight?
I fell into your bathtub?
I fell on my way here?
Hikaru helped lay Yoshiki onto his bed and then closed his bedroom door.
Hikaru went back to sit with Yoshiki, Yoshiki felt like he was going to loose consciousness. He blinked slowly.
Hikaru was looking at each of the hand marks with a slight frown. “I really thought… that I could try to be him without… doing that…” Hikaru lamented.
Yoshiki turned to face him slowly. “S’fine”
Hikaru chuckled at that. “You’re not thinking very clearly right now Yoshiki… maybe you should wait to see a mirror before you make that call.”
“Ok” Yoshiki said, he felt like his train of thought was wavering between the high he usually got after orgasm and the brain fog he got after loosing sleep so many nights in a row. He blinked slowly and eyed Hikaru, Hikaru looked better then ever, his eyes were bright, his body was free of any noticeable injury. It was like nothing had happened at all.
“What did it feel like…?” Yoshiki asked. “For you?”
Hikaru cocked head, “For me?” Then he looked away and shrugged “I don’t think I can really explain stuff like you can Yoshiki… Humans don’t do anything that feels like that.”
Yoshiki smiled and closed his eyes. He wanted Hikaru to keep talking but he couldn’t keep himself awake.
Hikaru tapped his face with his hand “hey- woah- don’t sleep- I don’t know if that kind of thing kills humans after.”
Yoshiki opened his eyes and scowled slightly. “I’m fine… just tired.”
Hikaru tapped his face again and then gave him a slightly harder slap to the cheek. “Hey I mean it- I don’t really have anyone I can take you to that can help so you can’t sleep right now.”
Yoshiki rolled his eyes “You let me sleep in the tub after.”
Hikaru grinned “Yeah, and I thought you might die so I dumped water on you until you got up… still took a long time.”
Yoshiki didn’t internalize the last part. His thoughts were swimming.
“Hey- um…” Hikaru started… “about what you were saying earlier… about wanting to know what… he would want.”
Yoshiki groaned. “Yeah… I’m sorry I did that…I shouldn’t have.”
“I was gonna say that I was thinking it over… I was trying to figure out… what Hikaru’s feelings are.”
Yoshiki tried to sit up but it didn’t hold and he just lifted his head. "What do you mean you thought it over?”
Hikaru looked uncomfortable. “Well… I… I have his memories… but some of them… feel different… because I think they aren’t memories… first I thought they were memories of dreams he’d had but now I think they are more like… really really clear thoughts… maybe they were things he thought about really often… like if you thought about saying something so often you convinced yourself that you said it… even though… you know you didn’t… and a few of those thoughts… kinda felt like what we just did in the bathroom…” Hikaru said, he dropped his eyes to the bed, and then eyed Yoshiki’s hand. “I can’t say for sure if he was ok with the thought… but I’m pretty sure that he did think about you that way… probably a lot…”
Yoshiki didn’t know how to feel being told that… a hour ago he would have been desperate to hear the validation… that somehow he could write off what they did as something that Hikaru wanted and not something that Yoshiki was defiling his corpse with… but now…
“I wish that we had had the chance to talk about it… before.” Yoshiki said.
Hikaru pressed his lips together. And didn’t speak.
Yoshiki shifted, drawing his arms up off the bed to look at them. The hand prints.
Hikaru eyed the marks with him. “I’m sorry I got so carried away…”
“Forget it” Yoshiki said, “I’ll think of some excuse.”
Hikaru gave a small smile. “He liked you” Hikaru said.
Yoshiki looked at him.
Hikaru continued “He liked you a lot… its the only thing I’m sure of… I don’t have a specific memory to back it up… but… I know that he liked you.”
Yoshiki nodded looking back up at the ceiling “I liked him too…” he said then turning to look at Hikaru. “And… I’m glad… that your here.”
Hikaru’s smile had faded but at that his face brightened just slightly.
“I like you Yoshiki.” Hikaru said.
“I like you too.” Yoshiki answered.