Chapter Text
All of the Pebbles in Ered Luin were expected to begin training as soon as they were able to hold a weapon. It was a long established tradition, even back before Erebor fell, or so Fíli had been told.
Every dwarf was expected to be able to defend themselves, even if they chose not to follow the path of a warrior. The need to protect themselves and their families was even more important, these days, especially after the danger of the wandering years.
As his Uncle Thorin's heir and as a cousin to Dwalin, Captain of the Guard (even due to his Amad, though she was more subtle about it), this meant, naturally, that Fíli had a bit of a head start on the other students around his age, those who had quite some time left before reaching their majority.
It was a small class, of course (the low number of children being what it was), so it was easier if they all trained together, despite the wide variety of skill levels.
Fíli knew all of the other students by name, even if he hadn't spoken to every single one. Balin frequently quizzed both he and Kíli on the names of every dwarf who lived in the Halls, as a part of their diplomatic training.
All of this meant that Fíli was well aware of the presence of one fellow student in particular, Ori son of Quori. Fíli knew that Ori was the much younger brother of Master Dori, the tailor who made all their clothes, but Fíli had never spoken with the other young dwarf as he seemed to be a shy and quiet sort and tended to make himself scarce whenever they visited Master Dori's stall.
He also knew that Ori was a couple of years older than him and not overly skilled with a sword or axe.
Which was why Fíli found himself shocked into silence as he stared up at Ori from where the smaller dwarf had him pinned to the training mat.
Now he knew that Ori was better with a blade than Fíli had first assumed.
Ori currently had a short dagger pointed at Fíli's throat, at a safe distance, of course, but still threatening enough. Fíli held out his hands to yield, unable to say the words as Ori stared down at him, his soft features and kind eyes at complete odds with his steady hand and unwavering resolve.
Fíli suddenly wanted to know everything about him, not just his name and family connections.
"Good," Dwalin said, gruff. Rare praise coming from him and something that Fíli rarely heard, himself. "Your brother teach you that?"
This seemed to be the sign Ori was waiting for and he stood easily, like he hadn't just had the best student in class at his mercy.
Ori nodded as he slid his dagger up his sleeve. The movement was so quick that Fíli would have thought he had imagined it even existing if it hadn't just been held to his throat.
"Master Dori taught you how to do that?" Fíli asked, pushing himself up to sitting, incredulous to the point of disbelief.
Ori shook his head without looking at Fíli. "Nori did," he replied softly, more to Dwalin than Fíli.
Fíli snapped his jaw closed, teeth clacking together. How had he not known that Ori had another brother?
"You're done for the day," Dwalin told Ori, giving him a clap on the shoulder. Ori nodded once and slipped out of the small training room on nearly silent feet. When Fíli stood and made to leave, as well, Dwalin stuck out his arm to stop him. "Not you," he rumbled. "Ten more rounds and don't think I won't be keeping count."
Fíli just groaned. Why did he have to be related to the Captain of the Guard?
Fíli followed Ori into the anteroom after training the next day, bouncing on his feet a little as he waited for Ori to retrieve his cloak.
When Ori turned and saw Fíli standing far too close, he jumped back with a small squeak, eyes widening once he realized who it was.
"Er, sorry," Fíli stammered, mentally cursing himself for surprising Ori and, in the process, nearly forgetting what he was going to say. He took a moment to gather up his words.
"It was really impressive… that move you did, yesterday," Fíli began, hoping a softer tone wouldn't scare Ori off because Fíli really wanted to talk to him about it.
"Thank you, My Lord," Ori replied, perfectly polite and with the exact proper dip of his head. Clearly well-practiced and precise.
It always made Fíli uncomfortable when people did that, though, especially if they were older than him—as most dwarves were. Fíli certainly didn't feel like a Lord; he would rather leave all that to his Uncle.
"It's just Fíli," he insisted, tilting his head a little to try and get Ori's attention. The other dwarf still hadn't completely met his eyes.
Ori nodded faintly but said nothing. Fíli tried not to sigh out loud.
"The others don't usually beat me so easily," Fíli quipped trying to lighten the mood and hoping he didn't sound as awkward as he felt.
"My apologies—" Ori began but Fíli cut him off.
"No, wait," he insisted, stretching out one hand and taking a half step forward. "Don't be sorry. Honestly, I think most of them don't try hard enough to best me."
Fíli hadn't meant to say that last part, really. But it was a frequent worry, even if his brother always said Fíli was just imagining things.
Ori's eyes finally flicked up to him. "They don't," he said, nearly breathless.
Fíli dropped his arm. "What?"
That had not been the response he had been expecting.
Ori seemed to think twice about this admittance and immediately dropped his gaze down to his feet, scuffing the toe of one boot on the ground.
"I just mean…" Ori looked back up at Fíli, clutching at his cloak just a bit tighter, fingers twisting in the deep purple fabric. "I have heard them speak of it."
"Oh," Fíli said, taken aback even though his suspicions had just been proven correct. Then he pointed out, helpfully, "But you did."
"I was going to let you win, like always." Ori shook his head at this, seeming a bit lost. "I don't know what happened."
"Well, thank you," Fíli told him, swinging his arms a little. "I'm glad you didn't hold back."
"You're not… angry?"
"Why would I be?"
Ori just shrugged and looked away again, off to the side, this time.
"I was wondering…" Fíli trailed off, somehow completely out of his depth after that and not quite sure he should even ask his next question. "Would you… maybe… teach me?"
Ori swung his head back around, eyes somehow even wider than before and his cheeks gone a bit pink under his short beard.
"You want me… to teach you?"
"Well, yes," Fíli said slowly. "Unless you think your brother would teach me instead?"
Ori shook his head. "He only showed me because we're family."
"Right, of course," Fíli said, taking back his half-step forward from the moment before.
"But—" Ori's hand twitched like he had just been about to move it but had changed his mind at the last second. "Maybe… if we don't mention it to anyone?"
Ori looked fully at him, this time, his expression earnest and surprisingly open.
Fíli nodded vigorously. He was very good at keeping secrets. "Yes, absolutely," he agreed.
"Alright," Ori said and this time a small smile peeked out.
Fíli grinned happily. "Great." He took a few steps back toward the doorway. "Tomorrow, after training?"
At Ori's nod, Fíli smiled even wider. His back hit the archway and he gave Ori a sheepish wave before he stepped through.
Ori's answering shy wave kept the smile on Fíli's face the rest of the day.
Fíli lay pinned to the mat for the second time that week, as Ori hovered above him, dagger drawn and pointed at him once more.
Fíli thought he would do better this time, being able to anticipate the attack and bracing himself for it, but Ori was quick and light on his feet and much stronger than he appeared.
They shared a grin before Ori stood and pulled Fíli to his feet.
Ori spent the next half-hour demonstrating—slowly and one move at a time—each step and grab and twist that Fíli would need to do.
Once Ori had determined that Fíli had it down, they tried the whole thing again with Fíli initiating the attack.
Fíli expected to be able to best Ori on the first attempt, but he just couldn't manage it.
It took him several tries because, as Fíli immediately discovered, Ori also knew how to counter it.
He really hoped Ori would teach him that, too.
Another half-hour later and they both lay on the mat, arms outstretched and breathing heavily from the work out, not having much air left for speaking, just yet.
Ori was the one to finally break the silence.
"You picked that up so quickly," Ori commented, still slightly breathless but sounding less hesitant than he had the day before. Pinning someone to the floor multiple times would do that, Fíli supposed.
"I've had to," Fíli replied, rolling his head toward him. Ori must have seen the movement out of the corner of his eye as he turned his head, as well. At the questioning look, Fíli continued.
"Dwalin holds me to a higher standard than the others," he explained, with a resigned sigh. "Me and Kíli, both."
"That must be tough," Ori said, sounding genuinely concerned when he could have easily come off as flippant or insincere.
Fíli shrugged, shoulders brushing against the mat. "I've gotten used to it."
Ori inhaled like he was about to say something then apparently thought better of it. He rolled his head to stare at the stone ceiling instead.
"What is it?" Fíli asked, finding that he really wanted to hear what Ori had to say. There weren't many dwarves outside of his own family who were so open around him. It's why Kíli was his closest friend; everyone else always seemed to keep their distance.
Ori turned back, eyes full of curiosity. "Do you want to be a warrior?"
Fíli opened his mouth to automatically reply in the affirmative but then stopped himself, wondering if he should maybe give it some thought, for once. No one had ever really asked him that before. His Amad and Uncle certainly hadn't. Kíli hadn't, either, but Fíli thought that was only because he was too focused on his own archery training to even bother with it.
It was true that Fíli enjoyed a good sparring session and he knew he was good at it, but he didn't truly want to dedicate himself to the warrior life, like Dwalin had.
Ori watched him patiently and Fíli let out his held breath.
"I want to apprentice with one of the metal craft Masters," he finally admitted, whispering the secret between them, setting it free into the open air for the first time and feeling lighter for it.
Fíli spent a lot of his free time in the family forge, mostly with his Amad as she created her works of art, beautiful gold and silver jewelry, unique pieces that she would send off with Uncle Thorin whenever he went away on business. They never sold for what they were worth, though, and it always made Fíli angry that her Craft was so under appreciated by the Men.
That anger was muted now, though, as Ori's face brightened into another of his shy smiles.
At the sight of it, Fíli felt brave enough to ask his own question. "What about you?"
Ori hesitated for a moment before pushing himself up, sitting with his legs folded in front of him and hands resting in his lap. Fíli sat up too, mirroring him easily. Ori glanced around the small training room even though they were the only ones in it.
"Don't tell anyone," Ori said, leaning slightly toward Fíli and speaking in an excited whisper, "But my brother is negotiating with Master Valric."
Fíli grinned. Master Valric was the head archivist and the official court scribe, second only to Balin.
"That's incredible, Ori," Fíli enthused, genuinely excited for him. Balin never took apprentices so Master Valric was the next best choice. "I hope you get it."
Ori seemed almost giddy at the thought, his smile un-contained for the first time since they had begun speaking.
Maybe Fíli hadn't been the only one in need of a friend.
Their clandestine after-training meet ups continued on for a couple of weeks, though not everyday, as Fíli sometimes shadowed his mother or Balin—his Uncle was away, at the moment—and Ori frequently helped his brother.
But, when they did meet, Fíli would show Ori a few easy moves of his own, well-suited for someone who was quick and good with a dagger, and Ori happily taught him how to counter the move that he'd learned from Nori.
Then, after, they would take a rest and talk—or complain—about what they had done that week, who bought what, who shouted at who, and who started a brawl in the marketplace. Ori always had the most detailed gossip since he heard a lot while helping his brother at the shop. Apparently, Dori's customers spoke freely around him because most of them didn't even realize he was there.
"Everyone always overlooks me," Ori said, sounding more resigned than sad which only made Fíli feel sad on his behalf. And also little bit angry.
"That's their loss, then," Fíli told him and couldn't help but feel a bit smug at Ori's answering blush.
Fíli thought that maybe he had finally found a true friend and confidant, because there were some things that he had never told Kíli or Gimli but found himself easily sharing with Ori.
Like how he sometimes worried that he would never be skilled enough to accompany his Uncle on trading missions or feeling guilty about how hard his Amad worked to support the family while also running the Halls and wishing he could do more to help.
They both shared of how often they were told how much they resembled their fathers, though neither of them could quite remember what they looked like.
Or how Ori often felt out of place simply because he preferred his own company. That secret gave Fíli a little thrill once he realized that he was the exception. It felt like a high honor to be brought into Ori's closely guarded circle.
Fíli looked forward to every one of those afternoons, even if they sometimes managed to not spar at all and instead spent the entire time sprawled across the training mat, swapping stories: Ori telling Fíli his favorite tales and Fíli recounting all the pranks that he and Kíli had pulled in the past.
It was just all so nice… which meant that Fíli somehow found a way to screw it up.
He had only wanted to try the pinning move again, just to make sure, he'd told Ori.
He didn't know what was different, that time, compared to all the other times they had sparred. Maybe it was all the shared stories and secrets that had led to wanting a little something else.
Because, when Fíli had Ori at his mercy—both of them breathing hard, Ori's face flushed from exertion and auburn hair splayed out in the mat below him, Ori's body heat leeching into him, and the unfaltering eye contact—Fíli arrived at the half-realized truth of how comforting it was to have Ori so close.
There was no hesitation in Fíli's movement, as he lowered his face toward Ori, with not even a thought to the consequences, his eyes slowly closing the closer he got, until he could feel Ori's warm breath on his cheek.
Fíli half expected Ori to forcefully shove him away, but he didn't. Instead, he lightly gripped Fíli's sleeve and let out a soft sigh, both of which gave Fíli all the courage he needed to completely close the distance between them.
It began with a light brush and the rough scrape of short beards, not yet fully grown in. Then a brief press against Ori's lips—warm but slightly chapped, just like Fíli knew his own to be. It was all more intense than Fíli could have imagined, to kiss another person, even for so short a time. He couldn't believe it was happening, even though he had been the one to initiate it.
When Fíli sat back, Ori continued to stare up at him, his dark brown eyes wide and, Fíli thought, possibly a little stunned.
"Are you alright?" Fíli asked, hushed and careful, second guessing every part of the whole experience the longer it took for Ori to answer.
"I—" Ori paused to take a deep breath before whispering, "I don’t know."
It was not the answer Fíli had hoped for.
The pained expression that slowly began to settle over Ori's face made Fíli realize that he might have just made a huge mistake.
Fíli scrambled up inelegantly, not wanting to burden Ori with his weight or his presence any longer, or with the reminder of that damned kiss that Fíli only just now admitted to himself he had wanted so badly to give him.
"I’m sorry," Fíli apologized as Ori climbed shakily to his feet. Fíli restrained the urge to help Ori up, no longer sure it would be welcome. "I should have asked—"
Fíli broke off as Ori fidgeted with his sleeve and couldn't quite meet his eyes. "It's fine, I just… I need to go—" Ori stammered, before making a quick exit from the training room.
Fíli sunk back down to the mat, head in his hands, berating himself for being so stupid. Why had he felt the need to completely screw up the one thing that he looked forward to throughout the week?
He wouldn’t make that mistake again.
Unsurprisingly, Ori began avoiding him, even for training. In fact, Ori skipped every single class the following week and Dwalin made no remark on it. This only made Fíli worry even more, since Dwalin was so strict about attendance. But, Fíli knew he should give him space and not go looking for him.
It was nearly two weeks before Fíli saw him again.
Ori had not been at training that day either, but had showed up after, clearly having waited for Fíli to be alone. Fíli had taken to staying late, ever since their… last meeting, as some sort of penance, maybe. Or futile hope. He wasn't sure.
He hadn't even realized Ori was there until a small cough sounded from behind him. Fíli spun around to see Ori standing in the doorway and carrying a few books, holding them close to his chest like some sort of shield.
The silence between them rang in Fíli's ears.
"I didn't think you wanted to talk to me anymore," Fíli began slowly, keeping plenty of distance between them, not trusting himself not to do something stupid, yet again.
"Why?" Ori tilted his head at the question and Fíli paused at the unexpected response.
"Well, you did kind of run away after I kissed you," Fíli said, hoping he didn't sound too hurt in the process.
"Oh. That." Ori bobbed his head, a tic that Fíli now knew meant he was nervous. "That's not the reason I haven't been at training."
"It isn't?" Fíli couldn't keep down the small rumble of hope that he could feel burbling up inside him.
"I got my apprenticeship," Ori said, modestly proud.
Fíli couldn't help it, he rushed forward in his excitement but stopped a little more than an arm's length away, once he realized what he was doing. "That's great, Ori!" Fíli said, pouring all the praise he could into the words. "Galsel."
"Thank you." Ori ducked his head shyly, his gaze falling off to the side.
The silence hung heavy in the air after that, neither of them quite looking at the other, but Fíli was hesitant to speak since it felt like Ori might be building up to say something.
"You don't need to be sorry, you know," Ori finally said, as though continuing an ongoing conversation, his whisper sounding even louder in the silence. He finally flicked his eyes up at Fíli. "It's just—" Ori took a deep, shaky breath. "I’ve never kissed anyone before."
"Neither have I," Fíli told him, the admittance falling from him easily. Ori's lips parted slightly, like he was surprised by this, and Fíli forced himself not to stare. He cleared his throat awkwardly before he could get lost in the thought about how much he wanted to kiss him again. "I’m sorry for stealing it from you."
Ori shook his head and held out a placating hand. "You didn’t steal anything," he rushed to say and Fíli wanted so badly to reach out with his own hand and close the connection. "I'm glad it was you."
"Oh," Fíli breathed out, all the air escaping his lungs in relief. He hadn't messed anything up, after all.
"But I can't—" Ori continued, pausing for a short moment to seemingly compose himself. "I need to focus on my apprenticeship. Dori has sacrificed so much over the years to secure it for me and I can't let him down."
"Of course. I understand." Fíli nodded in agreement. It was a smart thing, to not have any distractions, as much as Fíli desperately wanted one. This one, in particular.
Ori kept speaking as though Fíli had not replied, a bit more frantic now, eyes darting off to the side. "I’m going to be a court scribe someday, and you’re a Lord… and I can't stop thinking about that, as hard as I try... about our different stations and I—"
Ori seemed to have forgotten how to breathe as his knuckles turned white where he gripped the edge of a book.
This time, Fíli did close the gap between them, feeling the need to try and calm him or provide reassurance of some kind. He found he did not like seeing Ori in distress.
"It's alright," he whispered, laying a cautious hand on Ori's shoulder. "It doesn't have to matter—"
"But it does," Ori insisted, though not unkindly. "And Dori always says—"
Ori appeared to think twice about whatever he was going to say, biting his lip and looking away again.
"What does he say?" Fíli asked gently and maybe a bit warily.
"…Never get involved with royalty," Ori said, apparently reluctant to say it out loud. He stared blankly over Fíli's shoulder.
Fíli hated that word. It was only technically true, anyway. Most of the time he forgot that he was even supposed to be a Prince. Until he was harshly reminded about it, that is, like he was right now.
"I’m not Royalty, Ori," Fíli said, his voice getting caught in his throat. "I may be my Uncle's heir but I don’t even understand what being Royal means."
"It means we shouldn't— We can't—"
Ori seemed at the very edge of completely falling apart so Fíli decided not to push his point further. He stepped back to give Ori some space to breathe, his hand falling away. Ori seemed to heave a sigh of relief and Fíli tried not to feel hurt by it.
"We can't still be friends?" Fíli couldn't help but ask, wondering why they would need to lose that, too.
"I will always consider you my friend," Ori admitted quickly and with a faint blush.
"You'll always be my friend, too," Fíli replied, trying to reassure him once more, and maybe himself a little, as well.
Ori made a sound that Fíli feared might be a sob but his next words had a hint of wistfulness about them. "Maybe things will be different, once I've settled in to my studies," Ori seemed to concede and, if that little hint of Ori's true feelings was all Fíli had to go on, then he would take it. "…But, not right now."
"Not right now," Fíli agreed, an echo that still managed to plummet straight to his gut. He had heard that the first few years of an apprenticeship left little time for anything else but Fíli never thought it would affect him so harshly.
Ori pulled in a breath and straightened his shoulders, his decision made, one that Fíli would respect, even if he wished it otherwise.
"Will I still see you around, even though you’ll be busy?" Fíli asked, cautious.
Ori appeared to think this over before nodding slowly and saying, "Yes, I think you will."
Fíli returned his nod with finality, expecting Ori to turn around and leave right away, but he hadn't, yet. Ori took a few steps forward, instead, a determined look on his face.
Fíli held his breath, not daring to move as Ori settled one hand on the lapel of Fíli's coat. Ori pressed in and tipped his head upward, placing a soft kiss on Fíli's lips. He lingered there, just a bit longer than with the first, before stepping back, and Fíli felt like it had all happened in daze.
But it had happened.
"Thank you," Ori told him, and Fíli hoped it was for both the kiss and for understanding.
Ori removed his hand, gifting Fíli with a soft smile and sad eyes. Then, he was gone, leaving Fíli with tingling lips, shaky limbs, and the memory of two sweet kisses.
Fíli sighed, watching the doorway where Ori had disappeared and tried not to let himself get too lost in vague hopes for the future.
Maybe he should follow Ori's example and finally choose his own Craft. Amad had started nagging him about his own apprenticeship, anyway. And maybe it would help to keep himself busy, as well.
Later that night, after a long day of shadowing one of the older apprentices, Ori relaxed with a sigh into his straw mattress, the hours melting away at the memory at what had occurred that morning, now seeming so long ago.
Ori buried his face in his pillow, hiding his giddy grin even though he knew Dori was fast asleep and would not see it.
His first kiss had been with a Prince! And one so kind and worthy of Ori's trust that he had dug up the courage to kiss him back!
Even if Ori was worried about getting too distracted, he could at least let himself enjoy the sweet memory. Something small he could hold on to and keep close to this heart, no matter what happened in the future.
He’d never before wished to be anything more than who he was. Even now, he didn’t really hope for more than what he could earn himself. So, he wasn’t sad about his decision to keep his distance, really. He was mostly just being sentimental.
Court scribes worked for the Royal Family, they weren’t friendly with them. But, maybe things could be different here than they had been in Erebor, or so he had gathered from Dori's stories.
Because he did truly like Fíli. Most of the Dwarrow his own age mistook his soft spoken and quiet nature for arrogance when, in reality, he just never felt comfortable making small talk. But Fíli was actually interested in Ori himself and not just putting up with him.
None of their conversations had felt strained or false. And no one had ever before tried to get close to him or attempt to be his friend.
He knew Dori often despaired of ever getting Ori to break free of his stone shell, but it felt as though it had finally happened, if only with one person.
But, he couldn't let himself get carried away. It was fun to dream but he had his future to think about, and his family, so he would have to leave things where they were, for now, anyway.
Still, though. It was a bright little secret he would carry all his life, like a shiny stone cradled carefully in the palm of his hand, something to keep for himself.
And only they two would know of it.