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Jiseok and Jooyeon never put a name on whatever it is that they’re doing, but it’s fine. Mostly. Jiseok doesn’t need labels if Jooyeon doesn’t want one.
Jooyeon comes home from classes and collapses on the couch with Jiseok, head falling into his lap. His hands instinctively card through Jooyeon’s silky hair, threading between the strands to scratch at his scalp, causing Jooyeon’s eyes to flutter shut.
“Bad day?” Jiseok asks.
Jooyeon gives a halfhearted grumble. “Just an annoying day. I realized an assignment I have is due this Sunday, not next Sunday, and everyone in my group project is ignoring my messages.” He tosses his hands up. “Am I just supposed to do all the work for them?”
Jiseok chuckles. “Have you talked to your professor about it?”
“I’m going to tomorrow. It’s just frustrating.”
Jiseok hums, still petting Jooyeon’s hair. “Wanna take your mind off of it?”
Jooyeon cracks an eye open and grins at him. He sits up and turns to face Jiseok, bangs falling in his face. He looks so stunning when he smiles, when he’s having fun. When he’s looking at Jiseok.
“What do you propose?”
Jiseok walks his fingers over to Jooyeon’s belt. “I can think of a few things.”
Immediately, Jooyeon is pushing Jiseok until his back is pressed against the armrest of the couch and crawling between his legs, eyeing him up and down playfully. “Do you wanna tell me?”
Jiseok skirts his hand beneath Jooyeon’s shirt, feeling the warm flesh of his abdomen. Jooyeon’s leg is tucked between his own, not quite touching where he wants it, but still making the skin of his inner thigh tingle.
“I was thinking…” Jiseok hooks his fingers beneath Jooyeon’s waistband, “....my hand on your cock.”
Jooyeon laughs at him. “It’s funny when you try to talk dirty,” he says, then pulls Jiseok in to slot their lips together, and Jiseok sighs into his mouth.
The way Jooyeon kisses him is cruel. They share hot, heavy kisses often, when they’re practically tearing each other's clothes off to get to what they want, what all of this is about. But sometimes Jooyeon’s kisses are softer, sweeter. He kisses like a lover would. One hand clutching Jiseok’s waist, he kisses him tenderly. Maybe it’s the weariness of his day that makes him slower and more intentional, but whatever it is, it isn’t good for Jiseok’s heart.
They’ve been friends since childhood, and the casual sex has been going on since their last year of high school. Everything was fine at first. It was just good-natured fun, something to do to blow off steam, and Jiseok has never regretted letting Jooyeon be his first. There was no one he trusted more than Jooyeon to be that vulnerable with.
Back then, they both claimed they were straight. It made Jiseok feel safest lying about his true sexuality, and Jooyeon has just kept up the straight label despite having Jiseok’s cock in his mouth at least once a week. Jiseok would make fun of him for it, but he doesn’t really want to push any boundaries, and he also doesn’t want to remind himself of the fact that Jooyeon doesn’t feel romantic attraction to men, so this is nothing more than sex. Jooyeon justified himself being ‘straight’ by saying that while he could have sex with a man, he could never date one, and despite having come to terms with his own sexuality long ago, Jiseok still hasn’t told him. He’s afraid of what Jooyeon might think if he knew that there was a potential that this could be something less than platonic for Jiseok. He doesn’t know when it turned into something different for him, when he started feeling desperate for Jooyeon’s affection or when he started deluding himself into thinking that it was possible for Jooyeon to feel something back.
He knows it’s not true, but he likes to trick himself sometimes. Especially during times like this. When Jooyeon is starting to kiss down his neck, his mouth warm against the sensitive skin of Jiseok’s throat. He knows not to leave visible marks because Jiseok doesn’t like it, and Jiseok knows Jooyeon will want to mark up his chest and collarbones as his compromise.
On cue, Jooyeon starts tugging at the hem of Jiseok’s shirt. He sits up and allows Jooyeon to pull it over his head, tossing it on the floor for them to pick up later. He returns to kissing Jiseok’s neck gently, sensually, and his hands start wandering to the waistband of Jiseok’s sweatpants. So much for Jiseok taking care of Jooyeon. They’ll get to that later, though, as it seems like Jooyeon is keen to keep touching Jiseok. He can repay the favor afterwards.
Jooyeon places his hand over the bulge in Jiseok’s sweats, causing him to buck up into his touch. He chuckles into Jiseok’s skin, the vibrations felt on the flesh of his throat, and he keeps pushing his palm against his clothed cock.
“Needy,” he comments. It makes Jiseok’s stomach twist. He wishes he wasn’t so desperate for Jooyeon.
Forcing the thought out of his brain, Jiseok lifts his hips again in an attempt to get Jooyeon to touch him properly. He eventually grips the elastic band of his sweats and tugs them down his thighs so he can get to what he wants.
Jiseok groans into the quietness of the living room as Jooyeon properly wraps his fingers around his dick, returning his lips back to Jiseok’s neck. He starts kissing down his throat until he reaches his collarbones, beginning to stroke him slowly. The drag is a little dry, so Jiseok reaches down for Jooyeon’s wrist and pulls his hand away. Jooyeon leans back in confusion and Jiseok takes the opportunity to bring Jooyeon’s open palm beneath his chin and spit into it. Once enough warm saliva has pooled in his hand, Jiseok looks up to find Jooyeon staring at him with a heady expression, hair falling in his face.
“You’re so sexy,” he says. Jiseok’s stomach flutters.
He knows Jooyeon is attracted to him physically, they wouldn’t be having sex all the time otherwise, but the delusional part of his brain makes Jooyeon’s words sound like he wants him. Wants Jiseok in the way that Jiseok wants him.
“Shut up,” Jiseok replies, trying to hide his reddening face.
He brings his now slick fist to Jiseok’s cock once more, and he sighs and relaxes into the couch at the pleasant, smooth glide. Jooyeon lays atop him and lets his free hand roam Jiseok’s waist as he continues his mission of sucking red marks to the surface of Jiseok’s skin. Jooyeon’s lips trail lower, exploring his chest. He kisses the left side of Jiseok’s chest and starts nibbling at the skin, his teeth just harsh enough to feel the pinch. His other hand comes to rest on Jiseok’s other pec, using it to steady himself so he can keep jerking Jiseok off.
Jiseok lets his head fall back onto the armrest while Jooyeon touches him. Jooyeon readjusts the position of his hand on Jiseok’s chest so that he’s cupping it properly and he gives a light squeeze that makes Jiseok’s breath hitch. He keeps squeezing, keeps groping, massaging the flesh of his pec, and then suddenly his lips have trailed low enough to capture Jiseok’s nipple in his mouth.
He’s squeezing Jiseok’s right pec while sucking on the nipple of his left. Jiseok’s eyes pop open to stare at the top of Jooyeon’s head.
“There’s no way you’re doing this right now, dude.”
He’s had Jooyeon leave kisses and love bites on his chest, but he’s never had him groping the flesh of his pec and sucking his nipple before. Jooyeon retracts his mouth from Jiseok’s nipple, leaning back and also slowing the movements of his fist on Jiseok’s cock. He’s still visibly aroused, but he also looks a bit sheepish.
“It’s not weird if you don’t make it weird,” Jooyeon argues.
“You’re literally sucking on my nipple.”
“Sorry, I just… like them.” He doesn’t meet Jiseok’s gaze when he speaks, but he gives a squeeze to his pec.
Jiseok stares at him. “My chest?”
He begins stroking Jiseok again, slower this time, and it makes him breathe out a little moan unbidden. The hand cupping his pec starts massaging again and Jiseok’s cock twitches in his grasp.
“Yeah. Keep working out, you’ve got big tits for someone so small,” he murmurs, then captures Jiseok’s hardened nipple in his mouth again, going back to sucking on it.
Jiseok laughs incredulously, which just turns into a breathy moan when Jooyeon thumbs his right nipple. Tits? And Jooyeon was judging his dirty talk earlier.
He keeps massaging his pec, groping him hard enough to hurt, and Jiseok kind of finds it hot. He feels like he knows all of Jooyeon’s sex things at this point, but this one is new, and Jiseok can’t help but feel a little thrill when he learns something new about the person he knows inside and out.
Looking down at Jooyeon sucking marks into the supple flesh, Jiseok asks, “Since when has this been a thing for you?”
Jooyeon pulls back to mumble against his skin. “Dunno. Just think it’s hot.” He moves to lick over Jiseok’s other nipple, and it makes his hips jerk upwards. Jooyeon then asks:
“Can I fuck them?”
If Jiseok was incredulous before, he’s even more baffled now.
“Fuck what?” Jiseok looks down at himself. He might have defined pecs, but creating any cleavage to fuck is an impossibility.
Jooyeon catches the way he stares at his chest in confusion. Jumping up from the couch, he grabs Jiseok’s hand and urges him to his feet, Jiseok struggling to pull his sweatpants up so he’s not tripping over them as Jooyeon drags him to his bedroom.
Once inside, Jooyeon encourages Jiseok to fully undress and does the same for himself. He pushes Jiseok’s naked form down onto the bed, and before he can even get a word out, Jooyeon is crawling atop him and straddling his torso, his dick already hard and leaking. He briefly reaches over to the bedside table and smacks around for the lube before settling on top of Jiseok again. The cold lube gets drizzled straight onto Jiseok’s sternum in excess and he grimaces with displeasure.
“Really, dude?”
“Shut up,” Jooyeon demands, so Jiseok does.
Jooyeon lays his cock flat between Jiseok’s hickey-covered pecs and places his hand on top, pressing down and creating a crevice to fuck. He starts rocking his hips back and forth, throwing his head back with a moan, and Jiseok can only lie beneath him and let him do as he pleases. He looks too fucking sexy, devastatingly good, as he ruts his warm, slick cock against Jiseok’s sternum.
Jiseok watches as the head of Jooyeon’s cock appears and disappears beneath his hand, precum leaking from the tip and contributing to the mess of wetness. Jiseok wishes Jooyeon wasn’t in the way so he could reach down for his own cock, aching and neglected, but he knows Jooyeon will take care of him once he’s done, because he always does.
“So fucking hot,” Jooyeon whispers, pressing his hand down harder so the gap is even tighter. “Always see them through your shirt. Wanted to fuck them for a while.”
Jiseok’s face flames red. He had no idea his chest was defined enough to be seen even through his shirt. He works out but he’s not ripped, just a little lean, muscles slightly more toned than Jooyeon’s.
A thought comes to Jiseok’s head, one that makes him even more flustered and embarrassed, but he has a feeling Jooyeon would like it. Swallowing down his pride, Jiseok brings his arms up and plants the heels of his palms on the outside of his pecs and pushes inward, squeezing them together. A small valley forms, nothing comparable to actual breasts with actual cleavage, but it turns Jooyeon on nonetheless.
“Fuck,” he moans, readjusting the position of his hand so that he can keep pressing down. His jaw has dropped open, sexy moans spilling out as he fucks Jiseok’s tits a little faster. Maybe he just likes seeing Jiseok embarrass himself.
The strain of his muscles being pushed together starts to get uncomfortable, but Jiseok keeps pressing, readjusting when the sweat of his palms causes them to slip. He can only imagine how he looks to Jooyeon, but even the visual from his vantage point is obscene. His pecs, one covered in hickeys, pushed together until they look like small breasts, Jooyeon’s slick cock rutting between them, Jiseok’s fingers quivering as he clutches himself. He feels humiliated, but it only turns him on more.
It’s not long before Jooyeon’s movements get frantic, and Jiseok knows he’s getting close. He eventually forgoes fucking his chest and instead takes hold of his cock, quickly jerking himself off, his moans only getting louder. Jiseok finally lets go of his chest and lets his arms flop down on either side of his head, just waiting for Jooyeon to come to completion. Sitting up on his knees, Jooyeon leans forward till his cock is above Jiseok’s face, and he should have known that this was coming, but he’s still unprepared for when Jooyeon’s cum hits his face.
Jiseok is quick to close his eyes and stick his tongue out, not eager to get cum in his eye again like last week. A litany of groans and muttered swears come from above him as Jooyeon jerks himself off and spurts cum all over Jiseok’s face. Every rope that lands on Jiseok’s face makes him flinch since he can’t see them, but he can feel as the warm substance covers his nose and cheeks and dribbles straight onto his waiting tongue. Jiseok is so turned on and wants to cum so badly.
He waits until he’s certain Jooyeon is finished before allowing himself to open his eyes, grateful that the cum didn’t land near them. He closes his mouth and swallows the little cum that had landed on his tongue before swiping it over his lips to clean them off, as well. Jooyeon stares down at him, chest heaving, and right as Jiseok is about to demand that he do something about his own erection, Jooyeon is crawling down his body and taking his cock between his lips.
Unable to control it, he bucks up into Jooyeon’s mouth as he finally takes care of Jiseok’s neglected arousal, but it doesn’t deter Jooyeon. He bobs his head a few times before holding just the tip of Jiseok’s cock in his mouth, bringing his hand up to jerk him off, and that’s all it takes for Jiseok to finally come undone, cumming straight into Jooyeon’s mouth.
Jooyeon swallows around him and Jiseok’s hips twitch pathetically. He eventually starts pushing Jooyeon’s head away, too sensitive, and he lets Jiseok’s cock slip from his mouth and fall onto his thigh as it slowly loses its hardness. Jooyeon is leaning forward, inching closer to Jiseok prepared to kiss him, when his eyes suddenly widen as he takes in the state of Jiseok’s face, reminded of the fact that it’s covered in cum. Jiseok lifts himself up on his elbows to chase Jooyeon’s lips, desperate to kiss him even with the mess on his face, but Jooyeon simply pulls away.
“I don’t think I have any tissues in here,” he mutters, scanning the room. Jiseok sits up further, trying to lean into Jooyeon’s lips, but the latter is completely oblivious and crawls off of Jiseok’s body. “Let me get a washcloth, okay?” he says, then disappears from the room.
Jiseok watches him go, shivering from the sudden lack of body heat. The cool air conditioning reminds him of the wetness on his face. Looking down at his body, he stares at the hickeys Jooyeon left on his chest and the mess of lube and precum on his sternum. He stares at his chest and hates what he sees. He’ll never have breasts like a woman. He’ll never be what Jooyeon actually wants.
It doesn’t take long for Jooyeon to return with a cloth in hand. He crawls back onto the mattress and reaches for Jiseok’s face, cupping the back of his neck to steady him as he carefully wipes the cum off his face. He stares at Jooyeon as he works, his hair falling into his face, lips parted for precision. Jiseok still wants to kiss him. Instead, Jooyeon pulls back once again to wipe the wetness off of Jiseok’s chest, and without warning, Jiseok’s eyes begin to sting with tears.
His mouth screws up into a frown as his vision begins to blur. Jooyeon doesn’t notice at first, too busy cleaning him up so gently and then tossing the washcloth in the direction of his laundry basket, but when he returns to look at Jiseok his face immediately falls.
“Woah, hey, is everything okay?” he asks, eyes wide as he reaches out for Jiseok, who just crawls away from him.
Tears immediately start falling down Jiseok’s cheeks and he grimaces and hiccups, turning his head to try to hide his face. He’s angry at himself, so fucking embarrassed at crying right now, because he’s normally so good at hiding it. He doesn’t know why he’s bothered so much today, why it’s finally manifesting into real tears, and why it had to happen in front of Jooyeon. He reaches for Jiseok again but just gets swatted away.
“I—I’m sorry, was it too much? I should have asked you if you were okay with doing something new,” he stammers, desperate to figure out what’s wrong.
“I don’t care about that,” Jiseok snaps, voice wet with tears.
Jiseok has crawled up the bed until his back is pressed against the headboard, unable to distance himself any further. Jooyeon sits at his side, one warm hand pressed to his thigh, the only contact he’s allowed since Jiseok won’t let him hold him.
“What’s wrong?” Jooyeon pleads. “Did I do something?”
“We need to stop doing this,” Jiseok grits out. He can’t keep tormenting himself like this, wishing Jooyeon would kiss him like a lover would when that will never be true. One day, Jooyeon is going to find a girl that he likes, and Jiseok is going to have to mourn something that never was. Better to get it over with now than later.
“You don’t want to have sex anymore?” Jooyeon’s voice sounds concerned, and it just makes Jiseok hate himself more for making him worry. “That’s fine, Jiseok, we don’t have to. I—I didn’t pressure you, did I?”
Jiseok shakes his head, a sob bubbling out of his throat.
Jooyeon seems frantic, desperate to console him. “We don’t have to if you don’t want to. I don’t, like, need the sex or anything, you’re still my best friend.”
“That’s the problem,” Jiseok says angrily. Jooyeon sits there, lost. The words come spilling out, full of raw, vulnerable emotion. “I’ll never be more than that to you. It’s just sex, we’re just friends.”
The hand planted to his thigh twitches, squeezing his flesh slightly. Jiseok sits there sniffling while Jooyeon says nothing. He feels so fucking stupid right now. This isn’t how he ever wanted this to go, he just wants his feelings to go away, he wants to go back to a time before all of this when he was entirely content with just being best friends, nothing more.
“You want to be more than that?” Jooyeon asks, quiet.
“What the fuck did I just say?” Jiseok snaps, trying to mask his heartache with anger. “Just forget it, just fuck off. I’ll get over it.”
Jooyeon argues, “Dude, you’re being an asshole, I’m just trying to understand.”
“You’ll never get it,” Jiseok says. “You’re fucking straight, you’ll never know what it’s like.”
“When did I say that?”
Jiseok goes quiet. He wipes his tears from his eyes and stares at him. When he thinks about it, the last time he explicitly heard Jooyeon declare himself straight was years ago in high school. He had never heard Jooyeon say anything otherwise after all these years, so he was just under the impression he still kept the label.
Jiseok’s voice is small. “When all of this started?”
“Yeah, like four years ago, right?” Jooyeon sighs, pushing his hair back out of his face. Jiseok slowly starts to blink his tears away and is reminded of the fact they’re both still naked, and he would laugh if he wasn’t so distraught.
“What are you saying?” Jiseok asks, still guarded.
“I don’t know, I’m saying I’m really fucking bad at this stuff. I like this, I like you, I like everything we do together.” He leans closer, and this time Jiseok doesn’t push him away. “If I like you, I don’t think I can call myself straight, can I?”
Jiseok takes a deep breath, shuddering from crying. He sounds fucking pathetic when he asks, “You like me?”
Jooyeon swallows heavily, looking down at his lap for a moment before meeting Jiseok’s gaze.
“Yeah. Like, more than best friends.”
Warmth blooms in Jiseok’s chest, immediately followed by something indignant. He reaches forward and punches Jooyeon in the arm harder than he should, hard enough that it’s probably going to leave a bruise. Jooyeon yowls and clutches his arm, swearing at him.
“Why the fuck did you never say anything?” Jiseok demands, voice shrill.
Jooyeon is rubbing his arm, matching Jiseok’s tone when he says, “I don’t know, I was scared!”
Finally, a smile breaks out on Jiseok’s face. He rubs his swollen, teary eyes, and looks at Jooyeon. He looks fond, if a little guilty, and Jiseok can’t stand to look at his stupid face anymore so he tackles him to the bed, crushing him beneath his weight.
Jooyeon’s hands instinctively curl around Jiseok’s form and he starts laughing, vibrating Jiseok’s body above him.
“I hate you so much,” Jiseok whispers, words muffled and spoken against Jooyeon’s skin.
“I think you like me,” Jooyeon sing-songs the word.
Jiseok smiles, face tucked in the crook of Jooyeon’s neck. He can’t believe he has him wrapped in his embrace, pressed flush together as they giggle at how stupid they both are.
“I guess so. I like you enough to let you fuck my nonexistent tits, weirdo.”
“You gotta admit it was pretty hot,” Jooyeon counters.
Jiseok lifts his head, smiles at Jooyeon, and finally leans in for that kiss he wanted so badly.