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Earn was outside on the temple grounds practicing his dance moves relentlessly, after everyone else had gone home. This was not unusual, considering he was technically home, and everyone expected him to stay behind after practice anyways.
His arms and legs started to burn, but his movements remained graceful and controlled. He’d been told before that he looked a bit too stiff, but he always assumed it was because he was trained to aim for perfection. These moves demanded a lot of stamina, precision, discipline and his father’s favourite word, sacrifice.
He grew up constantly surrounded by those principles, to the point that they had become a core part of who he was. Values so strong that it seemed unlikely anything could make him question them, almost.
He was the only son of one of the most respected lion and dragon dance families in the province.
He used to take pride in that. Even if he had been taken into his family rather than born into it, like most people were.
He’d always believed that one day he could prove that he belonged just as much. He would earn his place once he truly became the dragon his father always spoke about, one capable of breathing life into a lifeless, colourful costume, until people forgot there was ever a real person beneath it.
That purpose carried him through years of exhausting training and distracted his mind from the recurring thoughts about his origins, the question of why he had ever been given up and the constant reminder that he was somehow less a part of his own family. His sister Yok also made sure to talk some sense into him whenever his insecurities flared up, and he was always grateful for her.
Lately however, no one could talk sense into him or make sense of the situation he had been so unfairly thrown into. He was trapped, with no good decision left to make.
Tiny drops of sweat were collecting along his hairline, running down his neck and soaking his white shirt beneath his armpits. The lion head was much heavier than it looked. Most people who had never danced wouldn't even know how much. It was one of the many secrets of this art form, the dancer had to make it look effortless nonetheless. It was part of the illusion, as Earn had learned growing up.
When he was younger, he had to practice with heavy bags instead. His father didn't let him touch the lions head for a while. He had to build up his strength first, just like beginners have to now, like Khun did... when he joined the troupe.
He wiped the sweat from his forehead.
Despite evreything, he found himself smiling at the memory as he took another step. He remembered how Khun had struggled to hold it at first as well and asked him to show how it was done. He loved teaching their new member everything he knew and he secretly enjoyed Khun’s attention and the way he visibly looked up to him.
They trained together every day with the rest of the troupe. Khun always wanted to stay by his side and learn every complicated move faster than the others, probably to catch his attention, it was endearing back then.
He closed his eyes and pictured the first time he’d held Khun up. The guys loved to tease him about how small he was but Earn had been mesmerized by how his waist felt between his hands then.
Khun never really let the teasing or the occasional silly remarks stop him anyways. He was almost as determined to become the lion head as Earn was to become the dragon one day, only their reasons were different. Earn admired him for that.
As they’d started spending more time together outside of practice, Earn began to see other things about Khun. He noticed how impossibly adorable he looked when they joked around on their evening walk, and he attempted a lion's roar, how naturally beautiful his face was, and how his small but toned body moved beneath too many layers of clothing.
To his mother’s annoyance, he couldn't eat her stir-fries anymore because they never tasted quite as good as the ones from Khun's family restaurant, especially when Khun had made them himself.
Training changed too, as Earn caught himself looking forward to it for reasons that had nothing to do with perfecting his dance. While teaching Khun, he often found himself leaning in a little closer than necessary, breathing in the scent of his dance partner’s neck or touching his back and forgetting his next move, unforgivable, he’d hear his father in his head.
He used to smile at Khun without thinking, his heartbeat quickening every time the boy smiled back. In those stolen moments, it felt as if only the two of them existed. It didn't matter that they were standing on the temple grounds, surrounded by the rest of the troupe, or how his father might have looked at them.
More than any of that though, he loved how over time Khun had begun to see past the disciplined dragon dancer and all the expectations he had carried his entire life. With Khun, the questions that had followed him for years seemed to disappear. He was haunted by entirely different ones now.
Earn shook his head and opened his eyes.
He forced himself back into the routine. He couldn't think about Khun that way anymore. He made a move again, but he miscalculated the step, stumbled and fell to the ground, dropping the lion head.
“Great...” He looked at the huge head in frustration as it bared its teeth at him. “Well, don’t stare.”
***
He limped back to the storage room where they kept the costumes, lanterns, instruments and all the other props. After carefully wiping the lion head clean, he placed it back on the shelf.
He stopped in front of the mirror and stared at his reflection. The dragon costume was there as well, right above him, hanging from one of the shelves, waiting for the upcoming festival.
It’s time for you to make a decision, Earn. Remember that every life in the troupe depends on you. His father’s words echoed in his head.
“I saw you practicing late.”
Earn turned towards the voice.
“Did you skip dinner again?” Khun smiled at him, warm as always.
He was holding a freshly made plate of pad kratiem with rice, Earn’s stomach made a growl.
“I made it myself,” Khun said softly, “So no complaining this time. Please eat.”
Earn accepted the plate and leaned back against the table as he took the first bite and tasted familiar flavours. He hadn't even realized how hungry he was.
“Thank you,” he said gratefully. “Time got away from me.”
Khun nodded knowingly and waited for his reaction.
“It’s delicious.”
A shy smile spread across the smaller man’s face and Earn noticed his cheeks turned warm and rosy but he looked down.
How could he be this adorable. Earn felt a strong urge to brush his cheek with his thumb. And to be the reason Khun smiled like that for the rest of his life. Listen to yourself.
But he also knew it was only momentary.
“I should get back,” Khun said after a while. “I’m helping in the kitchen. I just wanted to bring this to you. Figured you still have the habit of skipping dinner after practice.” And he turned to leave.
Earn knew he shouldn’t, but he called after him.
“Khun... wait.”
He hurried after him, but as he caught hold of Khun’s wrist, a sharp pain went through his injured ankle. “Ah...”
Khun turned around immediately.
“What happened?” he asked worriedly. “Are you hurt?”
“No... it’s not-” Earn started. He didn't want to explain how and why he'd lost focus and fallen.
“Let me see.”
“Khun, seriously, it’s nothing.”
But his former dancing partner didn’t listen.
He took Earn’s hand and guided him to sit down and carefully lifted his injured ankle into his lap. His fingers were ever so gentle as they brushed over the swelling that were already visible.
Khun wrapped a bandage around his ankle and tied it carefully and began to trace slow circles around it without ever looking up. His feather-light touch sent a shiver racing up Earn’s leg.
“It’s not a battle injury,” Earn joked lightly, hoping to make Khun finally look up at him.
Khun chuckled. “Does it hurt a lot?”
“No,” Earn shook his head. Not in the way you think.
“Good.”
Khun continued to caress his ankle with slow movements, and the goosebumps all over Earn’s skin spread farther. He wondered whether Khun had noticed. The thought embarrassed him a little, but strangely not nearly as much as it should have.
It was Khun after all. Around him, Earn didn’t feel like he had to hide the ordinary, fallible man beneath anything. Only now did he realize the thoughts that'd chased him all day had finally quieted too.
“I don’t know what I’d do without you,” he confessed. And he meant it. How was he supposed to do everything his father expected of him?
Khun met his eyes, “You’re going to be a mighty dragon one day. You can do anything, hia.”
Earn couldn’t hold back anymore. “What if my heart is not with the dragon?” he whispered and leaned closer to Khun.
The young man in front of him simply held his gaze. Earn could feel the warmth of his breath and watched as Khun swallowed slowly, his throat tightening. “You misunderstand me, hia,” Khun said quietly.
“Being the dragon means you get to become someone great, no matter which path you choose. To me, you'll always be someone I admire. And... I'll always stay by your side. Whether you can dance...” his gaze moved down to Earn’s injured ankle as he rested his hand against it, “...or when you can't.”
Khun had a way of making even the most impossible situations seem as though they might somehow work out.
Earn covered the smaller man’s hand with his own, his thumb slowly caressing it before their fingers intertwined. Without breaking eye contact, he lifted their joined hands to his lips and pressed a burning kiss to each of Khun’s knuckles. Khun’s eyes closed as a sigh escaped his lips.
“You know what my father had asked me to do.” Earn leaned in until their lips almost touched.
“I know,” Khun whispered, brushing his nose against Earn’s. “And I know we shouldn’t-”
Earn closed the remaining distance before he could finish. He kissed him slowly, finally tasting Khun’s soft lips for the first time. The familiar, intoxicating scent of his hair and skin consumed him and his hand found Khun’s waist, a touch they both knew well, only this time, his fingers slowly slipped beneath the fabric of his shirt.
Khun kissed him back without hesitation. One of his hand travelled to Earn’s hair while the other caught hold of his sweat-soaked white shirt, gently drawing him in until there was no space left between them. Earn felt warmth pooling low in his stomach, and this time he was certain Khun noticed as well.
He cupped Khun’s face with both hands before pulling him fully into his lap and the words slipped from his lips, “My Khun...”
Khun instinctively tightened his legs around Earn’s waist, his own arousal impossible to hide beneath the thin layer of his trousers. “Say that again,” he whispered. “Please.”
“My Khun.” Earn rested his forehead against Khun’s. “No matter what happens tomorrow... It’s just you and me.”
The young man looked at him and Earn saw tears gathering in his eyes. He drew his face against his, and kissed him again, tasting the salty tears on his tongue.
Earn slowly pulled back, cupped Khun’s face and lifted his chin, trying to wipe away his tears with his thumbs, but they just kept coming. He wanted to comfort Khun the same way he’d been comforted earlier when a dull noise from somewhere behind the door made them both flinch and they broke apart.
Earn quickly looked towards the door then around the room. Suddenly, it felt as though every dragon and lion costume had turned towards him, their painted eyes watching them. He was well aware he never should have done this because he never wanted to hurt Khun. And now that he’d finally tasted his lips, he wasn’t sure he would ever be able to let him go.
The noise seemed to pull Khun back to reality as well. His eyes swept around the storage room before finding Earn’s again. No one came through the room, so he rested his forehead against Earn’s, and they stayed like that for a few more stolen seconds while their breathing gradually slowed. It was nowhere near enough.
Khun finally drew back and climbed out of Earn’s lap. He wiped away his remaining tears. “I have to go.”
Earn took his hand. “...Will you come to practice tomorrow?”
Khun gave a small nod. “Will... he be there?”
The festival was only a few weeks away. Earn didn’t have to say it, they both already knew the answer.
“Finish your dinner, please.” Khun reminded him, glancing towards the now cold plate of pad kratiem, he had so carefully prepared for him. “And rest your leg tonight.”
Earn wasn’t hungry anymore, nor did he feel the pain in his ankle.
“I meant what I said, Khun. I-”
“Don’t be silly, see you tomorrow, hia.” Khun forced a smile, before he let go of Earn’s hand and walked out of the room.
Earn raised that same hand to his lips and looked at his reflection in the mirror once more. This time, he only saw himself. He knew what he had to do tomorrow.