Work Text:
Writers block fanfic to get me out of my depression
Streaming wasnt the hardest job in the word, all you have to do is sit there and look pretty. But for someone who hates themselves with every molecule contained in their being. It can suck ass.
Everyday he would search across his skin, finding niche things about himself he wanted to break and build. Every bone felt wrongly molded under his skin. A slight bump in his face could ruin his whole day.
So clavicular would make sure he looked as perfect as he could possibly make himself.
Even today.. when meeting a rather .. close.. friend.. he felt his palms sweat. The skincare ln his face, costing hundreds of dollars, would slowly sweat off. Just walking onto the porch of his house made his hands begin to tingle. His chest tighten, as if he was about to have some kind of panic attack.
Clavicular would let out a small cough, and tap harshly on his chest as if it done something. Before then ringing the doorbell. Cookie king, his best friend would open the door.
Cookie king would smile, running a hand over his hair from the start of his forehad all the way to the back of his neck, and gripped where his haircut stopped in a nervous but excited manner.
"HEYY CLAV!!" He leaned over , daping him up in a side hug
Clavicular dapped him up back. He felt his throat have a medicine like feel- as if he had taken multiple throat numbing sweets beforehand. Just from a touch..
"Heyy cookie." Clavicular smiled wide
"Everything all goodie good?" Cookie would ask, his eyes locking into claviculars, before dancing around the rest of his figure.
"Yeah yeah good." Clav nodded,
Then Cookie left to door open and walked into his home, keeping a smile, showing off his pearly whites. Hands on hips while he spoke about the plans for todays stream.
The thing that made clavicular ... wounder. Was thst he'd known cookie king for awhile now. Yet, that feeling buried deep within his chest cavity never seemed to evaporate like it did with most people. He would feel awkward for awhile, then after a few meet ups, the anxiety begins to fade quite quickly. But with cookie king, his heart only beated faster. Every look made him straighted his back and look away. He never liked eye contact, but with cookie king, clavicular felt like his body got sore just from their pupils clashing in lanes of sight. He just hated how unfamiliar the feeling was. He never recognised it as anything other than forgein
"Sounds like a plan?" Coolie king finished his talk with the brick wall that is clavicular.
"Yeah thats all fine" clavicular agreed smiling, despite the fact he has been simply staring at the other man, words going through one ear and out the other.
Cookie king crossed his arms, he was shaking slightly. Clavicular couldnt tell if this was due to his eating disorder or .. maybe hes nervous too? Clavicular was never any good at emotions.
---big oll time skip after the streamy---
The live stream went on for multiple hours, just laughing and having fun with their red pill fans. Doing whatever they could to avoid the extremely controversial topics of women and the meaning of it being June.
They laid on cookie kings bed, just scrolling for a little while. Clavicular had his volume down, as he was just stalking all of cookie kings socials. Meanwhile cookie king would scroll through any type of work out or weight loss content. Mostly people talking about how long they've been fasting for, as a 58 hour timer would tick on a diffrent tab on his phone. One he would check every few minutes for a small dopamine boost that all the perfect men on tiktok would lower.
Clavicular hated just chilling, because he wasnt at all calm. He would constantly glance over at the other man, i guess cookie king was claviculars version of a 58 hour stopwatch tab.
Cookie king glanced up, letting out a breath of a laugh, keeping a smile on his face "Whaat?"
Clavicular shifted his eyes from his phone, then back up at him, realising theres no point in playing it off like he wasnt just oggling cookie king
"Nothing...Was just thinking"
"Sure sherlock." Cookie shook his head, his pinky finger in his ear for no apparent reason, there was no wax to pick, just scraping at his skin at this point.
Clavicular scrunched his face slightly at the comment, flushing pink in a few noticeable seconds
"What?"
Cookie king burst out laughing
"Ohh shut it, you was staring at me," he put his hands up in a surrender position, one hand dramatically would lie on his heart "but i forgive youu, im aware of my good looks," he would comment sarcastically, before putting a hand on his jaw and sucking in his cheeks dramatically showing off his jawline.
Clavicular just froze, and looked away harshly tryinf to hide the small smile on his face.
"Dumbass"
"Im not thatt dumb, the ass part is right though" he winked again, as he got up from the bed. Clavicular just tried to shake his head and hide the colour of his cheeks, while he nonchalantly stared at some other cheeks...
Cookie king crouched down to the minifridge at the side of his bed, filled with nothing but water and types of alcohol. Calories per 100ml wrote in big on a sticky notes on the side of each bottle. He pulled out one bottle , his hand over the peice of paper as he poured some of the liquid into a glass, held it to the air and took the shot. Shaking his head instinctively and grimacing,from the Bitterness of the alcohol.
"Ill never get over that taste," he mutterd, looking over st claviculars nervous self "Want some? Or are you too much of a pussy?"
Clavicular dry chuckled
"Pour me one." He stated, trying to ignore how wretched the silence was in between words were. The state of California was usally lively. But for some reason, some.. reason. Police sirens were non existent. So were people, or just any other miscellaneous noise, usally muffled in the background for effecf and atmosphere.
Their hands brushed against eachother as the shot glass was handed over, the liquid slid down his throat and felt like it was burning the top layer of skin off. The irritation felt oddly calming.
Cookie king would pour alother one to slide over to clavicular, who looked unsure, perhaps because hes JUST finished a shot and is still in the grimace face stage
"Clav," he gestured to the cup "cmon..?"
Clavicular suppressed a smile at the mild peer pressure. He would of drunk anything cookie gave to him. It could've been piss and he'd down it like it was his last drink hed ever drink.
And the acohol didnt go down any easier, this time he shook his head feom the bitterness. Making cookie laugh. Making claviculars heart hurt. Like genuinely.
The feeling he felt inside of his torso was an emotion hes rarely felt, a newer emotion which hes found is incredibly difficult to suppress. The pins and needles spreaded to his legs making them feel weak. His teeth grinded together but his fists didnt clench.
This emotion had a bendy line between hatred and a type of ... no. Dont even fucking mention thst word. 'Its disgusting.'
He counterstriked when the word love crossed his mind. It sounds cliche-yes- however he just couldn't bare the thought of ever loving another man.
It made his skin prickle, it made his wrists ache with a familar sensation. His stomach feel more empty than it already was. His face go from pink to pale. The lessons of many people in his life flashed before his retina.
Cookie king took another shot. And another. And another. Before stumbling next to clavicular.
"Youu ainnt gottaa have no more if ya dont wannaaa," he commented, sitting next to clavicular in the bed. Although cookie was on top of the sheets and clavicular was half under them.
"Your already fucking drunk man," he chuckled " I gotta stay atleast mostly sober to make sure you dont do nothing stupid." He said with glazed eyes
"Pfft," he waved a dismisive hand as the tipsy nature quickly turnt into drunk nature. Lack of anything keeping his stomache full was the main reason he got drunk so fast. Plus..
"Your sucha' lightweight oh my god" Clavicular shook his head, with a small amount of disbelief
"Nuuuh!!? Your more drunk than me?"
"Liar liar pants on fire,"
Cookie rolled his eyes "oh hushh, your just jealous."
"Of?"
"Of... everything? Im amazing" he smiled with drunken confidence.
And Clavicular would always deny how obviously good he looked. Fucking hell. Hes the kind of guy you'd keep a picture of in your wallet and boast about them being your.. h u s b a n d .
"I guess." Clavicular shrugged,
Cookie rolled his eyes "Your such a dick."
"Oh sureee im the dick here, you should have a conversation with your reflection. Im sure the bigger you has something important it wants to repeat,"
"Oh please- like you can talk? Sure your hot, but all you do is try and be perfect. I mean get some fuckin personality man," he huffed with no clear malice in his tone, just awnsering back "All this jaw hammering must be making up for a lack of a downstairs area."
Clavicular may of gotten offended, but the comment about him being "hot" a million percent outweighed the offence . His fucking feelings oh god.-
"Well.. thats not nice."
"Oh boo hoo, someone's rude to your pretty ass for once. Get over yourself"
"Pretty? Hot? Your so fucking gay,"
Clavicular projected, swallowing the lump of agony and vodka in his esophagus .
"Me?" He looked definitely offended "Calling me gay, meanwhile your the one that's been staring at me for the past 6 goddamn hours!?"
.
.
.
"Im leaving" clavicular states, getting up with his fresh clothes slightly wrinkled from today,
"Wha- " his heart felt abit.. strange..? But he didnt have the time to vocalise it before clavicular left the room. Just to go into the guest room. They have a stream marathon thingy to do. And Clavicular lives rather far , so its just way easier to stay in cookies house than to drive hours back home.