Chapter Text
Thanos.
Choi Su-bong.
Thanos was used to the freak that stared back at him in the club bathroom mirror.
The purple hair he had to re-dye every few weeks. The purple hair that he had grown so accustomed to, it was his identity, part of his name.
His damn tattoos. Running along his neck down to his hands. The additional tattoos along his back that only his most dedicated fans really knew about. That shit hurt.
These details were work to hide the lame excuse of a man he used to be. Choi Su-bong. Some trailer park boy with a crazy religious mother. He wasn't that kid anymore. He gave up on most of what his mother had been so faithful towards. The beliefs that remained were drilled in the hardest. The beliefs that were so strongly enforced he even found himself believing them from time to time.
The most prominent being blatant homophobia.
Thanos dragged his eyes from his reflection and splashed cold water on his face. The Club Pentagon bathroom smelled like multiple vapes and something he did not want to distinguish. It was dim, mostly for the atmosphere, also because one of the lights didn't fucking work. Cheap ass place. There was also a faint sound of the music from outside the bathroom. Thanos spent most of his time at this club. He didn't care for it much. Used it as a way to find some girl to bring back to his apartment and kick her out the next morning or whenever they were done.
He stepped out of the bathroom and immediately got hit with the music blaring in his ears, the cheering of some group of chicks, and the smell of liquor. He pushed through the crowd, attempting to get back to his private room, which was given as a gift from the club. He was honestly pretty damn grateful for that, could barely pay his own rent.
With the price of shoulder checking a douche bag, he got to the room. The girls inside cheered the second he opened the door, raising their shot glasses. A grin returned to Thanos' face as he returned to his spot on the leather seats. He was in between two girls, Mi-na, some chick he only hoped to sleep with, and Se-mi, one of his closest friends. Honestly, Thanos would've gone after Se-mi if it wasn't for the fact that she was exclusively into scissoring girls. She was still a sick friend to have around though.
"Oppa~" Mi-na practically squealed, resting a hand on Thanos' chest while going to hand him a shot. "What took you so long?"
Se-mi snorted at the pet name and picked up her glass. Thanos shot her an, honestly pleading, look. Se-mi just shook her head and picked up her phone. As soon as she put it down, Thanos' buzzed in his pocket.
[✂️: If you wanna get laid so bad you're gonna have to deal with being called oppa.]
[Thanos: Weird as hell]
Se-mi gave an amused look and began talking with a girl sitting on her other side, leaving Thanos on his own with Mi-na.
"I wasn't that long," Thanos finally responded half heartedly. He picked up his glass and took a long drink of liquor, hissing slightly at the strong drink.
"Too long," Mi-na tilted her head to the side, putting on a pout so painful to watch, Thanos had to take another shot. She was practically doing aegyo. "You'll have to make it up to me." She leaned closer to Thanos' ear as she spoke, leaving the feeling of her breath on his ear and jaw.
Before Thanos could respond there was a faint knock at the door before it opened. A server walked in holding new bottles of alcohol that Thanos assumed the others requested while he was gone. Probably Se-mi, that girl could down alcohol like it was water. The server was a bitchy looking guy with black hair that was sort of a bob with a more jellyfish like shape. Thanos couldn't tell if his resting face was just like that or the guy genuinely hated his life. Maybe both.
Thanos had never seen him before and he'd seen about every server. On the man's simple black uniform laid a small name tag. Thanos had to squint to read it, the alcohol in his system not making it any easier. The only part he was certain on was the beginning of the server's name. It started with Nam, but what followed was not well understood.
Nam-su.?
The server placed a bottle on the table in front of Thanos, who happily opened it to pour another damn drink.
"Yo, Nam-su," Thanos started. "You new here?"
The server paused and glanced at his name tag. "It's Nam-gyu not Nam-su." He corrected in a professional tone that sure as hell did not match his face. "But yes, I'm new here."
Thanos waved his hand dismissively and handed Nam-gyu a card. The card looked expensive but honestly only had enough won left to cover this last round of drinks.
"Last rounds' completely on me!" Thanos announced to the whole room.
Mi-na and her group of friends drunkenly cheered. Nam-gyu, who seemed completely unimpressed, took his card to charge him for the drinks. Thanos was slightly disappointed at the lack of reaction but brushed it off.
Once Nam-gyu returned the card, the drinks were already gone and the room of people were getting ready to leave. Mi-na was clinging to Thanos, who was completely sick of her at this point. Sleeping with her was not gonna be worth it. And she was insanely drunk, he doesn't do that.
The club was beginning to clear out. The air outside was cool, the wind was blowing softly. The calm was drastically different from the large amount of drunks exiting the bar.
Mi-na's friends seemed to dissappear with some friends that Thanos had brought along. All that was left was Thanos, Se-mi, and Mi-na.
"Se-mi," Thanos started in a tone that already pissed her off. "Do you think you could take Mi-na home with you? She's drunk I don't do that."
Before Se-mi could respond, Thanos started to shower her in compliments then abruptly turned and began walking away. He could hear her yelling after him, cursing him out in ways that had could get her canceled. Along with Se-mi's yelling, Mi-na was whining about Thanos not making anything up to her.
Thanos didn't live too far, only about ten minutes by walking. It was some apartment complex that looked fancy but was definitely not. The water was cold half the time and there was no AC. But it was better than nothing and the walls were thick enough for him to work on his music without risking anything. His neighbors sucked though. Some guy named Gyeong-su on his left and a guy named Min-su on his right. Se-mi liked them though, so he had to put up with them.
He got to his building and headed to the elevator inside. His apartment was on one of the higher floors, but even if it wasn't he sure as hell wasn't using the stairs. Once the elevator reached his floor and he walked down the hall, Thanos fumbled with his keys and unlocked the door.
He practically threw himself on the couch and fought everything inside himself not to immediately pass out. His phone buzzed lightly in his pocket. A new message from Se-mi.
[✂️: Your girlfriend is passed the fuck out on my floor]
There was a picture attached that did Mi-na very dirty. Se-mi definitely did that on purpose.
[Thanos: Not my girlfriend you know she's not down for that]
Se-mi left him on read.
Thanos shrugged and decided to let himself sleep. He didn't bother changing or showering, he was just out almost immediately after he set his phone down.
It was almost completely dark when Thanos woke up. He was confused and sweating, unsure what time it was. His back hurt from sleeping on his couch and his phone was almost dead. He grabbed it anyway and checked the time. Three in the morning. Thanos groaned and pressed his hands to his face. He'd been awoken by the same reoccurring dream he's been having for a while.
A church he remembered vividly from his childhood. It was large and cold, stained glass lined the walls, casting different colors of light on the ground. It was anything but welcoming. The empty rows of seats, accompanied by the feeling of being watched and judged. A tall man in a robe who held a bible. Thanos knelt before him. His face a blur of features Thanos remembered but blocked out. The voice of his mother screaming at him for sinning. It was something different every time. A new sin. Sometimes the screaming overlapped with different accusations.
He sat up, wincing as pain briefly shot up his spine. He needed a new couch. He got up and headed to his bathroom, reaching for the cabinet with pills. Hands shaking, he swallowed one, following with a handful of water from the sink. The water tasted foul but it didn't matter. He just wanted the pill to calm his nerves. That dream fucked him up.
This dream had woken Thanos up countless times. He was always dazed. Always sweating. Always brought back to that church like he was a teenager again. Like he was still with his mother. A memory he hated more than anything followed behind it. A memory only pills could make him forget for a small amount of time. He never wanted to think about it but it was always there. Stuck in the back of his mind like a reminder like he deserved it. Like he deserved those days in a locked room. Like he deserved to be exposed. Like he deserved to have no one believe him.
He turned off the bathroom light and simply headed to his bed, hoping to get a few more hours of sleep before having to work. He solely hoped to get sleep without that dream reoccurring once more. It seemed to haunt him.
It was bullshit