Chapter Text
The engineer is dying.
It has been V months since he left Grace.
He doesn’t regret it. Not only will his friend go back home, but his star will also be saved. Anyhow, neither of them could have imagined the Taumoeba would evolve to go through xenonite.
The engineer is worried. Grace’s ship will be safe, but if he doesn’t act quickly, his fuel will be devoured, and he will be stranded in space once more. And Rocky won’t be able to come save him. That thought had been consuming him for the past weeks, when the ship suddenly stopped. The panic he felt then was indescribable. It took him barely ℓλ hours to understand what was happening. And to understand he had no hope left. The Taumoeba is perpetually hungry, eating everything it could until the Blip was a large, empty and useless piece of xenonite. Stranded on its way to Erid.
Erid. His home.
He remembers everything about it. He couldn’t forget even if he wanted to. He remembers the deep song of the planet that made itself heard in the back of his mind. The thrums and how wonderful a feeling it was to come together and find a solution to big questions. Even the astrophage thrum, as scary as it was, now feels beautiful and far-away. Rocky remembers how it felt to leave on this big ship, convinced he was a small part of this project to save their sun. His beautiful Erid. It’ll die alongside all his inhabitants.
Rocky can’t go back to Grace and he can’t save Adrian.
Oh. Adrian, his dear love. Rocky will never get to dance with them again. He will never come back in their arms to proudly announce he saved them. Deep in his mind, he dares himself to dream of what their reunion could have been like. He dreams of hearing them run to their side. They would hold on to each other for hours, finally letting the weight of it all fade away. But it’s only a fantasy, the Eridian forces himself to remember. Never again to sing their mating song together.
So instead, Rocky sings a deep song of goodbye. The sort used to comfort the mourners. Adrian must have sang it already.
Even if he miraculously found a way to come back to Erid, what would it truly be like? As much as he would like to dream about it, there is very little chance his mate is still patiently waiting. He truly wishes Adrian found someone to keep them close. He hopes they were not alone all these years like he was.
And the planet itself. He cannot get in contact with his home, he too far away. There is no way for him to know how Erid has survived its dimming sun. When he was gone, the scientists calculated that they had hundreds of years of safety, but what if the astrophage had reproduced exponentially? Rocky doesn’t even know how long he was gone. Grace told him about “time dilation”, perhaps those hundreds of Eridian years are long passed.
Oh, Grace…
Rocky misses his planet and his mate, but he can’t help but imagine what it would be like to come home missing a piece. Missing the one who was home for so long. The first soul, the first song he heard after years spent with lifeless shells. Perhaps it is best this way. He’s not sure what the rest of his life would feel like without Grace. Dying here may just be a lesser evil. He just wishes his Erid didn’t have to die, too. If only he had a beetle... He could open it, understand it, and send it home with everything his people need to know. Then, could he finally wither away, knowing his mate will be happy and Grace will be home.
Some part of him wonders if radiation will kill him first, and how long it’ll take. At least he recognizes the signs now, after seeing all his crewmates die. He doesn’t move from the fuel room, hoping some small particles of astrophage could still be lingering in the air and protect him a few weeks more. He doesn’t feel sick yet, but he knows the illness came for everybody else. It is surely coming for him.
A loud thud makes itself heard on the side of the ship.
Rocky can’t believe what he’s hearing.
Grace is there. In front of him. He came back for him. He saved his life. He saved his life, he saved him-
At his own expense. Again.
Rocky doesn’t like that. Oh, sure, he’s happy to survive and save his planet… but he knows what it means for Grace to be here again. As soon as he crawled into the xenonite tunnel, and heard Grace’s cries of relief, he understood the weight of the situation. He will never see his dear earth again.
He keeps his echolocation completely focused on Grace, hearing him mumble under his breath as he carries various boxes from the tunnel to the Hail Mary. Grace had once told him that name came from a human religion, that it was a prayer asking for mercy. Right now, Rocky can get behind that idea. Whoever Mary may be, the Eridian is ready to believe and ask for their safety. His thoughts get cut off by a curse Grace tries to stifle.
“Fuc- fudge, Rocky! How can you have so much stuff, buddy?” Grace’s body makes an odd creaking sound as he picks up another xenonite container from the tunnel. God, he really hates moving-in days. He’s going to be sore for a while, and Rocky isn’t even helping. But that doesn’t matter now that he is here. He will return home to Erid, and it’s everything Grace could ever want.
“Silly question. Rocky engineer, statement. Need all my things”, The Eridian replies. He tries to help Grace get all his stuff, but it’s difficult to concentrate on anything but him. Grace. Coming back for him and his planet, when he had his own home at his fingertips. Another great, brave brave brave sacrifice. How many times has Grace sacrificed himself by now? An entire Eridian lifetime wouldn’t be enough to repay him.
“Yeah, I know, but come on... can’t you give me a hand here?” Rocky is equally as smart and messy. The only thing Grace didn’t miss about his presence was the sheer space he took with all his stuff. Just the powders he used to make xenonite takes up a quarter of the lab.
But does any of it matter? Not really. Not at all. Grace would break his back with all of Rocky’s junk if it made him happy. For the rest of his life, he will remember the pure euphoria he felt when he heard Rocky’s claws tapping on the tunnel. As soon as the Eridian entered the Hail Mary again, in his little ball, Grace jumped on him, holding as tight as he could. Trying to ground himself to reality. Knowing his friend is safe, knowing he will die of starvation. The fear of death that is so innate in humans was quickly replaced with the relief of being next to Rocky once more.
“Rocky doesn’t have hands”, The Eridian replies. The man goes silent. Rocky instinctually taps on the floor, creating small sounds to try to perceive better. When Grace isn’t talking, the Hail Mary can be very silent, the metallic walls not reflecting anything. It’s unsettling, for someone raised in the deep, ever-lasting sounds of Erid.
“It’s a figure of speech, Rock, and you know that. Now can you please help me?” Grace’s voice is deeper. Not that tone he uses when he’s tired, not even the one he uses when he’s upset. He’s angry. Rocky doesn’t hear that often from him. The Eridian can’t help but wonder if it’s his fault. Instead of trying to answer that question, he quickly scutters to his things, deciding to finish this as soon as possible. The sooner they’re done, the sooner they leave and get on the road.
The road to Erid. To- well, to home, he supposes.
“Grace still upset, question?” The man in question stops eating and turn around to face Rocky. He always found it funny; this movement Grace needs to do to perceive him properly. It’s almost endearing. Humans and Eridians are so different, he can’t help but be fascinated. A deep, selfish part of his hearts wishes they could stay together forever, just to study each other. It’s an endless source of scientific inspiration.
“What are you talking about, Rocky?” The answer seems genuine. Perhaps Grace already forgot. After all, human brains are much less efficient at memorizing things. But Rocky and his crystalline brain remember. Is Grace not as happy as he is? Does he regret his decision? Rocky couldn’t blame him, but he really hopes it’s not the case.
“Yesterday, when moving boxes. Grace seemed angry.” Rocky’s song sounds a bit smaller, too. He hears the muscle in Grace’s face move, creating an odd expression. Like he’s trying to force his muscle fibers to stay in place.
“Oh. Well… no, no, I wasn’t angry, buddy. Just frustrated. You really do have a ton of stuff.” Grace continues eating, trying to hide the itch in his breath and the dilatation of his blood vessels. But Rocky can hear it all, he can hear when Grace is lying to him. He doesn’t like to imagine his friend keeping something from him, especially since he is not good at it at all. No secret can ever stay hidden between them.
No secret ever will, Rocky thinks.
“Grace lying, statement. Blood pumping faster and pores dilating.” Ironically, the symptoms only worsen when Rocky points it out. Grace is always a bit embarrassed at the Eridian ability to hear everything that is happening within him.
“What did we say about boundaries, buddy?”, Grace sighs.
“It is not boundaries. Rocky cannot ignore it, statement. Human body so loud.” Extremely loud, but wonderfully so. It’s such a reassuring song after years of silence. Rocky doesn’t even have to concentrate to hear Grace’s bodies, easily making sure he is safe and healthy.
Grace lets out a little huff, the sort of sound that shows amusement. Yet he doesn’t reply to Rocky’s question. He goes back to his burrito- God he’s going to miss those. How much food does he have left, again? He needs to calculate that. Must be a few months, at best, before the real food runs out. Then the coma slurry will join in, and then… Then what? Nothing. He’ll be stranded on the Hail Mary, patiently waiting for the Eridian scientists to deign come and get him. He’ll be so far away from home, without food, without humans, without touch. He’s not scared of death itself; he made peace with that. He fears how empty his last few moments will be.
“Grace! Breathing fast fast fast. Okay, question?” Rocky can’t hide the slight fear in his tones. He recognizes the signs of panic in humans, and he remembers those terrible moments in which Grace is so scared he can’t breathe. Rocky would do anything to make sure that never happen again.
The man gasps when he notices the xenonite ball pressed to his side. He is breathing pretty fast. Nothing he’s not used to, of course. He can’t remember spending a single week on this ship without having a panic attack. Everytime it happens, Rocky would drop everything to get to his side and soothe him. The Eridian learned to love human hugs. It feels nice, plus it always helps to calm Grace down. The few days they spent apart was some of the worst of his life. Grace will always remember crying and realizing nobody would come to comfort him. He was entirely alone, just like he was when he first woke up on the ship. Like a full circle, with the small, meaningless difference he was going back to Earth as a legend. Now, alas, the beetles are on their way home and the xenonite ball is back in the crook of his shaking body.
“Yeah. I’m okay.” Both know it’s a lie, but Rocky doesn’t add anything. Grace will talk when he wants to. They’re friends, after all. Rocky Grace saved stars together and now he’ll bring him to Erid. He’ll make it perfect for him.
“Grace leaky again”, The Eridian says, his echolocation fully concentrated on the man lying next to him. Tears are flowing down his cheeks, creating a soft sound that would be beautiful if it didn’t stem from pain. Rocky carefully move a claw, gently rubbing away the water that started to pool in Grace’s neck.
“I know, buddy.” Grace didn’t take very long to get used to the Eridian customs regarding sleep. It’s natural to him, now. The nights on the Hail Mary, alone, felt intimidating. Nobody to watch him sleep and make sure he’s safe. Logically, he didn’t need any protection, but he longed for the gentle chirps Rocky would make as he watched over his sleep. Though, he does miss being able to have a good bedtime cry without his friend commenting on it.
“Grace want to talk, question?” Rocky really hopes so. It’s been only one human day since Grace found him, but he really wants to know how he’s feeling. Something’s not right, he can feel it. Grace’s body is forming an odd song, something discordant and sad. Claws tap on the xenonite again, trying to fill the quiet. He hates the quiet, he’s had enough of it for a lifetime.
“I just- I just miss Earth.” Silence falls again, and this time, Rocky doesn’t try to fill it. Of course, Grace misses Earth. Of course he’d miss his home. Rocky missed his planet deeply, too. It’s something they bonded over, the horrible feeling of emptiness surrounding them, the feeling that their species is so far away. And yet, Grace came back for him and for Erid.
“I’m just scared, you know?” Tears flow down Grace’s cheeks again as his voice curls up and chokes. Oh, how Rocky hates that sound. He wishes he could make sure Grace is never scared or sad again, but he knows emotions don’t work that way. Apparently, it’s even helpful for humans to cry, it’s like a self-soothing mechanism. “I don’t know what’s going to happen next, Rocky. I know you keep promising that Erid will like me… but if they don’t, I’m really fu-fudged. I’ll have nothing.” If Erid doesn’t love Grace, he will die alone like his crewmates did. He doesn’t want that, he just wants to go home.
“Grace always have me.”
Rocky makes a small whine as Grace sobs. What a horrible song, full of pain. Rocky can’t fix it. Human hearts aren’t xenonite for him to mold and repair.
“When I heard you. I was sad sad sad, statement.” Rocky’s words catch Grace’s attention, whose cries slowly calm down.
“Why?” Why on Earth would Rocky be sad? Grace was so confident in his sacrifice, and the way Rocky sang when he was found was full of relief and joy. God knows Grace would be happy if the same thing happened to him. And Rocky was, indeed, very happy. But at the same time, he felt a soul-deep pain, knowing everything Grace had to leave behind. They both knew, but hearing him express it out loud is another thing entirely.
“Because I know Grace have less food. If Grace back for me, then never go back to Earth.” The man lets out another little sound, an impeding warning of more tears ready to flow. Alright, he understands now. When he found Rocky, immobile, and stained with black smoke, he wasn’t very happy that his life was saved. He wasn’t happy at all to understand what Rocky did.
“Yeah, I knew that.” Grace really tries his best to stop crying, but the tears flow anyway. Rocky doesn’t even crack a little joke about his leakiness. “I knew it, and I don’t regret it, but…”
“But I really miss Earth. I- I miss the fog, and sand, and my sun. I’ll never see my sun again, even if it survives.” Rocky can hear the love in Grace’s voice. The way he speaks of Earth is so fond, Rocky almost wishes he could experience it too. If he had Eridian cords, Rocky is sure Grace would sing the most beautiful songs about his home across the stars.
“Erid has a sun. Will be yours too.” Erid is beautiful too. The region Rocky comes from has large gravelly terrains and small rivers. As dangerous as they can be, they sound beautiful. Everything on Erid is like a complex song. “Erid beautiful, statement. You see.” Grace chuckles. It’s not a happy sound.
“Rock, your atmosphere is too thick for me to see anything in it.”
“Then I make you sun. And I make fog and sand. I make you beautiful home on Erid.” Rocky is determined to fulfill his promise. Yes, he will make Grace a beautiful environment. He’ll never miss Earth, because Earth will be built for him. He’ll do it alone, with his very own claws, if needed. Grace can’t help but imagine it, allowing himself the respite of hope.
“Really?” Grace knows Rocky like the back of his hand. He can recognize every intonation in his notes, each gesture of body language. He knows Rocky will take this opportunity to think about the ideas he surely had, and Grace doesn’t care. The soft singing of his voice is what matters right now.
“Yes, yes, yes. I make Grace a beautiful house. Then I build airlocks and big xenonite walls all around. Make sure its healthy air for humans. And I make it close to my nest, so I come often.” Rocky’s brain is already calculating and planning. He wants this project to be done as quickly as possible. Otherwise, Grace will have to wait on the ship, and Rocky would rather die than let that happen. Maybe he could even make a tunnel from his nest, directly to Grace’s.
Right. His nest. The one he shared with Adrian.
He’s going to have to give this a few more time to think. But not right now, because Rocky can hear a silky sound that indicates more leaking.
“I don’t know what to do.” Grace whines again. No matter how much reassurance his friend can give him, no matter how great Rocky is, it won’t change his current situation. “I’m- I’m glad you’re okay. When I realized the Taumoeba escaped, I was so scared. I was so scared, Rocky, I thought you were gone too.” He takes a deep breath, calming himself down ever so slightly. Just the thought of Rocky leaving him, in one way or another, triggers an immediate panic in his whole body. Grace is sure his friend can hear the loud heartbeats. “But I’m happy now. I’m happy I found you.”
“Rocky happy too. I can keep Grace safe and can show you Erid.” Rocky can’t help but be a bit excited about it. Showing Grace his home, studying humans and building him a perfect environment to keep him happy. Perhaps Adrian will want to meet him too. They’re so curious, Rocky is sure they’ll become good friends too. At least, he really hopes so.
“I don’t want Erid. I want Earth.” Silence falls over them. Rocky doesn’t dare to tap his claw on the floor. He’s not sure he wants to hear Grace’s tears anymore clearly. Of course they missed each other. But no matter how strong it is, their friendship won’t heal everything. It won’t erase Grace’s sacrifice, and it’ll never replace his home planet. No matter how beautiful a nest he makes for him, it will always be a sad facade. A very pretty-sounding cage.
“Sorry, sorry, sorry.” Rocky’s ball budges as close to Grace as he can, trying to give him one of those hugs the human seems to love so much. A cold hand immediately presses to the top of the ball, and Rocky stretches his limbs with a chirp, trying to touch him through the xenonite.
“Grace sleep now, question?” Grace needs sleep, it has been almost thirty human hours since his last cycle. And humans are not very efficient at anything without rest.
“I don’t want to.”
“Rocky wants to watch Grace sleep, statement. When sleeping, I protect you.” Another garbled sound escapes from Grace’s throat. His hand rubs at his face before he turns, pressing his legs to the xenonite. Oh, he missed that. Rocky is going to watch him sleep.
“Safe, safe, safe”, Is the last thing the man hears before he sinks into slumber.