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There was a word Kageyama Tobio wasn’t sure how to feel about. That word was change. Tobio had changed a lot in the course of his life, and he knew that, from being shunned in his middle school team with no one there for the ball, there for him, to finding his place among a murder of crows who had vowed to help him no matter what challenges came their way. Tobio would look up at the sky post practice, steamy meat bun in hand, and find himself lucky that so many people shared his dream with him.
And then, there would come this tangerine. This absolutely unfathomable, terrible, beautiful human tangerine. His name was Hinata Shoyo, and he would look at Tobio with all the stars from the sky burned into eyes and ask for just “one more” toss. At the time, Tobio didn’t understand what made Shoyo so amazing in his eyes. Tobio wasn’t capable of feelings, and he was always told that. But even as he showed his true self, his raw, truthful self wrapped in barbed wire and electric feelings, Shoyo would laugh and place that crown of a king’s right back onto Tobio’s head. So when Shoyo told Tobio he was amazing, Tobio believed it.
Early summer 2014, 3rd year
“...What do you think volleyball would taste like if it was a drink?”
“That’s a stupid question. Volleyball isn’t a drink.”
“...”
“...”
“Haha, you know I can see you thinking about it right?”
“...Shut up, Shoyo.”
A cherry blossom leaf discreetly fell on Shoyo’s school uniform. Tobio, with Shoyo’s head on his lap, eyed it carefully, like it was something to treasure.
“Tobio, can I tell you something?”
“You can tell me anything.”
“I know this is sudden, but um...I’m going to Brazil. After high school. I’m flying there to chase my dream. Our dream.”
Tobio’s breath caught his throat. At that moment, a thousand thoughts whirled through his head like a ball through the air, but he could only catch three: that was the other side of the world. Shoyo would fly even higher. Shoyo would be gone.
“...When are you leaving?”
“Next year, spring. But I’ll be back, I always will.”
Tobio stared into the distance. At Karasuno High School, where students wandered around aimlessly, where the leaves blew softly in the wind, where his dreams first started becoming a reality. He thought that the aimless shouldn’t take their moments for granted.
Tobio grinned and looked the human tangerine in the eye.
“Then I’ll see you at the top.”
And Shoyo’s face split into a smile so bright that even the sun shining above them wasn’t enough to rival the greatest monster in the world.
That night, Tobio peeled a tangerine. The juice dripped down his fingers. Tobio didn’t wipe it off.
Spring 2015
There was one thing Tobio had learned over the months leading up to graduation; change was hard. It was hard to reach the point of your life where you had to let go of something, rather someone, that was a part of your daily routine for years on end. And never again would Tobio wake up beside Shoyo at his house after a grueling practice hot and sweaty but home nonetheless and never again would he relish the feeling of Shoyo’s warm hands on his after letting the truth of his whole life slip between his lips and never again would he toss to Shoyo at Karasuno High, his heart racing and legs pumping with adrenaline as he watched the orange haired boy reach the apex of his jump and slam the old volleyball down with all his might and laugh like it felt amazing to destroy something so beautiful.
Tobio knows it’s impossible to make Shoyo stay. Tobio knows it’s selfish. They were monsters, both of them, people who looked at the highest mountain in the world and vowed to stand on the peak one day, no matter how long it would take. People who were fixated on the stars until they grew tall enough to reach them.
Change was inevitable, and it would always be at some point in your life. Kageyama would sit in his room alone and look at his grandfather, who only existed in a photo frame from middle school and then on. He would then shift his attention to his older sister in a separate photograph with a great big smile on her face, words replaying in his mind: “I’m quitting volleyball.”
Change hurts. It burns and scalds your skin and tears your heart apart, and it leaves your body numb, but it never leaves you weak. Tobio thinks of volleyball while laying on his bed as he stares at the ceiling. You’re at the end of the last set and your arms burn from setting the ball to the farthest corner of the court and your thighs ache from getting back up after failed receives time and time again and your pulse travels a million miles per hour and your sweat coats the court like oil in a pan but you never want it to end, you never want to stop. Tobio supposes that’s what Shoyo thinks. To try new things, to reach beyond the horizon for something new to make your heart race even faster, even better, even stronger.
So, on the last day of school when Shoyo grinned from ear to ear and shouted, “See you later, Kageyama!”, Tobio would smirk at the use of his last name, brand that grin to memory, and say, “Yeah, see you later.”
That was when Tobio accepted that change for the first time in a while. He let go.
Winter 2017
It was safe to say that Tobio was rich. And it was safe to say many people thought that about him as well. Rich financially, rich in life. After all, it wasn’t every day that a 19-year-old volleyball prodigy would make his debut on the world stage and immediately win the Division 1 Championship with his team, plus get selected for the Japan National Team for the Olympics. Everyone wanted him. Everyone wanted to be him. Tobio couldn’t even count the amount of times his PR team had reached out to him regarding the ridiculous number of DMs he had received on social media about god knows what.
Honestly, what more could Tobio want? But no matter how great his life was going now, he couldn’t help the tightening of his throat when he lay on his hotel bed at night, hands itching for his phone to call someone, even though he knew that person wouldn’t pick up. And Tobio didn’t cry, he never did. Instead, he had always molded the hollow hole in his heart into the shape of a volleyball, but why didn’t it make him feel better this time? Perhaps it was because every time he practiced, there would always be someone there with him.
Tobio knew he shouldn’t dwell too much on the subject of just a simple departure. It had gotten better through the months, the hole in his heart. But every time Tobio scored a service ace and every time he led his team to yet another victory with a world-shaking, jaw-dropping setter dump, he’d look up at the crowd, sweat dripping down his face and fist clenched in victory, and search for orange hair and a large grin, until realizing that he wasn’t there, and he wouldn’t be there.
There was a tradition Tobio had started picking up after each volleyball match played, whether win or lose. Not that there were many losses anyway. He would walk to the balcony of his hotel and stare at the sunset, 8:42PM, 10:09PM, whenever it came out. He liked the colors and wondered how the sky could paint such a variety.
Blue was for...Hoshiumi-san. Brave yet caring at the same time. Pink was for Ushijima, definitely. Feisty yet quiet. And orange was for...maybe he should stop.
Tobio would rest his hands on the balcony railing, hair blowing in the wind, and think about how seven billion other people would be looking at the same sky. Would he be thinking of Tobio as much as Tobio thought of him? How does the sky look at home?
March 2018
“Damn king, at least be grateful I picked you up to go to this god forsaken airport rather than you having to drive to the airport yourself with your poor driving skills,” Tsukishima grumbled. Yamaguchi thought if he gripped the steering wheel with more force than he already had, it would crumble right then and there.
“Oh, just shut up, I can drive just fine!” Kageyama replied, arms crossed. Yachi sighed.
“And this is why we didn’t let you guys sit together at all, not now, not even at school years ago...”
Yamaguchi laughed, looking at Tsukishima in the driver's seat and Kageyama in the passenger’s seat with Yachi.
“Anyways, how’ve you been, Kageyama? Holding up well?” Yamaguchi asked.
“It’s been fine.”
“Oh! Haven’t you shot a ton of commercials lately? I saw that one about, what was it...power curry?” Yachi added.
“I forgot about that!” Yamaguchi held up a fist and smirked. “Power curry is a service ace.”
Kageyama’s face quickly blushed red.
“Aw guys stop, you’re making him embarrassed~” Tsukishima giggled mischievously, as if he wasn’t adding onto the joke either.
Kageyama groaned, putting his face in his hands.
“That was an embarrassing shoot, don’t remind me.”
“You even lost track of the camera there for a second too-”
“Please stop, Yamaguchi.”
“Haha, sorry!”
Tobio pouted, staring at the window. Trees passed by in a blur, the sky darkening as a coat of indigo covered the clouds. It had been years. 3 years without seeing Shoyo in person. 3 years of not feeling that warmth by his side. There had been times where Tobio opened his social media to find videos of a so-called Ninja Shoyo on the beaches of Rio challenging players to beach volleyball tournaments, and Tobio wasn’t one for watching reels, but as he watched those videos, his eyes lit up with utmost concentration, analyzing Shoyo’s footsteps on the sand of the beach and how he focused on his jump with the heels of his feet, bringing him higher to the sun than ever before.
It was an understatement to say that Tobio was nervous to meet Shoyo again. His stomach churned, immediately thinking back to the days where he would scold and hit that orange ball of hair on the head for wanting to go to the toilet so often before matches. Tobio sighed. How the tables have turned. This was Kageyama Tobio, a professional volleyball player known by the world, an Olympian, someone who scored five whole service aces against Canada, someone who had played a myriad of games throughout his lifetime. He’s done scarier things than talking to Shoyo after years, even if Shoyo was closer to the sky than any of them. How would Shoyo have changed? How would he act towards him? How would Tobio act towards him? What should he do? Hug him? Tell Shoyo he missed him like hell? Would Shoyo hate him for not keeping enough contact throughout the years they were separated? Would-
“Earth to Kageyama?” Yachi frowned. “You okay?”
“Yeah dude, your leg is bouncing like crazy,” Yamaguchi said.
“Oh, I’m good. Sorry.” Tobio slapped a hand on his thigh, cheeks burning.
Tsukishima sighed, making a turn.
“Well, if you’re nervous, king, swallow those nerves because we’re here. Someone text Hinata where we’ll be meeting him.”
✿
Tobio was going to faint. Seriously, maybe he should just grab a spoon from an airport restaurant and dig himself a hole to dwell in for the rest of his life. The sheer amount of disguise he had to wear didn’t help at all either – as soon as he got out of the car, Yachi and Yamaguchi had immediately bombarded him with a cap and black jacket. “You’ll get bothered on this very special day if anyone recognizes you!” they had said. He pressed a hand to his heartbeat. Oh, be still his beating heart. Tobio couldn’t take this.
As the four of them traversed the stuffy airport, Yachi and Yamaguchi acting as Tobio’s bodyguards, Tsukishima leaned close to him for a whisper.
“Look, this might be a bad time and don’t take this the wrong way, but seriously, you need to man up and confess to Hinata soon.”
Tobio stopped in his tracks.
Tsukishima rolled his eyes.
“Oh come on, it’s been so obvious,” he frowned. “You two haven’t been discreet about it at all and I’ve been subjected to this PDA for years on end, you know that?”
Tobio choked on his saliva.
“W-what the hell? What makes you think I’m - what? Confessing is what lovers do!”
“Correction: confessing is what people in love do. There’s a difference.”
“Just what are you trying to say? That I’m in love with Sho – Hinata?”
“Let’s listen to the way you say his name, his first name at that, like it’s something so deeply precious to you. Let’s look at the way you look at him like he’s a divine deity or something,” Tsukishima sighed, massaging his temples. “Even if you don’t realize it, you need to eventually acknowledge your feelings. And I’m not rushing you, but it’s been years and you need to step up,” he pushed up the glasses sitting on his face. “I’m tired of watching your guys’ pining. In fact, it’s not just me. Yachi and Tadashi are on the same page.”
“What - then what about Hinata?”
“Oh trust me, I know he likes you too. Now let’s go, Yachi and Tadashi are so far away already.”
Tobio stared at Tsukishima’s back as the blonde started walking away. Him? In love with Shoyo? What even was the definition of being in love anyways? Did it matter that whenever Shoyo walked, or rather, jumped into a room, Tobio felt immensely happier and lighter than before? Did it matter that Shoyo was the only one who could keep up with Tobio? Did it matter that Tobio’s heart jumped around in his ribcage like an acrobat whenever Shoyo brushed fingers with him? He sighed. Love was a hard concept to grasp.
“Kageyama! Over here, hurry!” a high pitched voice yelled from across the airport.
“Ya-chan, quiet down...”
“Kageyama, Hinata’s here!”
✿
Tobio, for one thing, was not the best at feelings, and he certainly wasn’t the best at change. But this was one of the times when he knew exactly what he was feeling. This was one of the times when his heart opened itself up for the first time in several years as he scanned the crowd in a noisy, stuffy airport with hungry, ravenous eyes for a tuft of orange hair he knew all too well.
He looked back at his friends. At everyone surrounding him. Everyone living their own lives, yet only he himself got to experience this moment that made his heart race like no other.
“Kageyama. Just go.”
Tobio was not the best at feelings, but as he ran with all his might and that tuft of orange hair fell into his arms and Tobio had subtly pinched himself to test if he was dreaming and he had embraced Shoyo so tightly and with so much love stored in over seven years of yearning and twilights without a familiar warmth by his side, he found that he couldn’t have been happier.
It was at that moment the black-haired man took a good look at his partner after years of being twelve hours apart. Kageyama Tobio noticed these things:
-Shoyo had noticeably gotten tan. From the constant playing in the sun, Tobio assumed.
-He was way more muscular, his arms stretching the fabric of his T-shirt he was wearing.
-He hugged Tobio so tight Tobio thought he’d suffocate, but not like he minded anyway.
-His hair was shorter, at least shorter than their 3rd year, when Shoyo’s hair almost covered his eyes.
-When Tobio put his hand in Shoyo’s hair, it was still fluffy, if not fluffier.
-His eyes were filled with that same passion he had all those years ago, but it was stronger and brighter.
Tobio tasted something salty in his mouth.
“Haha, Tobio, are you seriously crying right now?” Shoyo asked, hands still around Tobio’s waist.
Tobio looked down. His blue shirt was stained with water.
“You cannot be talking, Shoyo.”
Shoyo burst into laughter, head thrown up to celling, and Tobio had never seen anything more stunning in his life. His face burned and his heart traveled a million miles per hour and Hinata Shoyo was sunshine and rain and storm all at once and tears streamed down Shoyo’s face and he pulled Tobio in closer like he used to do all those years ago.
“...You’re not telling me to piss off?” he chuckled jokingly. His voice was muffled from the fabric of Tobio’s shirt.
“...Why would I? Now that you’re here with me.”
✿
“Dude, they’re so corny,” Yamaguchi chuckled, watching the scene unfold.
“That’s why we love them right?” Yachi smiled. “Let’s be corny with them!”
Shoyo looked up from his Tobio corner to see two people, one green haired boy and one short blonde girl, begin to run over to them.
“Oh get in here already!” he laughed. “Even you, Tsukishima!”
The blonde frowned, but the way his frown curved up at the ends of his lips was a clear indicator he didn’t mind. He didn’t mind at all.
“Now the Karasuno 5 is back together,” Shoyo said, wrapping them all in a hug.
It felt warm. Heartbeats against heartbeats. Home against home.
Oh.
Oh.
“Kageyama, are you okay?”
Damn it. I think I love him.
✿
There was a word Kageyama Tobio knew exactly how to feel about. That word was change. This was what he learned over the course of his lifetime.
Change was brutal. It left you frustrated and it left you with grief, but it can also leave you hopeful and happy and everything in between. Once upon a time, there came this human tangerine. This brutal, beautiful tangerine who reached out to Tobio and said, I can teach you everything. And Tobio gave in to his pull. Feelings were hard for Tobio; some even said he was incapable of them. But it was easy after that. Easy to fall into a rhythm of domesticity and gentleness. Even during the first match of the VNL with the MSBY Black Jackals versus the Scweiden Adlers, it was easy to get each other pumped, easy to push each other to the edge to get back up again and conquer the world.
Tobio thought about a question Shoyo had asked him a long time ago, back when they were uncertain of change, uncertain about everything. Volleyball was Tobio’s life. He drank it, and it tasted sweet and tangy with bits of doubt in it. It tasted strong and weak and everything in between, but Tobio decided he wanted to make a change – for him, for everyone. Soon, hints of a tangerine and blueberry flavor were added in, and Tobio thought volleyball couldn’t be more complete without them.
Even as the sun set once more, even as Tobio and Shoyo traveled between the same sky, even as one put their head on the other’s shoulder, even as matches were lost and hearts were broken and even as spirits were brightened and the sun rose again, Tobio believed that fifteen-year-old him must’ve known in some unknown place in his heart that everything would be alright in the end.