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It was a truth not universally acknowledged, but out of all the Bats and Bat-adjacent heroes of Gotham, Steph was the most suited to undercover work. She wasn’t the city’s most popular billionaire, or his son, or the underworld overlord of Crime Alley, or the only one of them who was good at sneaking in daylight. She also grew up on the wrong side of Gotham, so she could pull off “White trash” as if she was - ha! - born to it.
For some reason, the Batboys just couldn’t get it in their little dark-haired heads. Run backup, Spoiler. Do the nightly patrol, Spoiler. Take out the newbs trying to rob an electronics store, Spoiler.
“Hey, O, you there?”
Oracle, though. She understood. She knew that a girl could do the dangerous jobs, too.
“Do you need something, Spoiler?”
Yikes. Steph wasn’t Babs’ favorite, that would always be Cass - and she couldn’t complain, Cass was amazing - but that hurt.
“Are you holding, S?” came in a much softer tone. Maybe Steph was just being touchy. “If you need to pull out…”
“Nope! Everything’s going grrrrrrreat!” She scratched a toe in the dirt on the floor. “They just let me help film a ransom video! I tried to keep my face hidden, but if that didn’t work, you can… wipe it off the internet, right? Wouldn’t want that to show up the next time I’m job hunting. I mean, I doubt they’ll be posting it on the mark’s Facebook wall, but you never know…”
Silence. Awkward silence? Annoyed silence? “Am I distracting you from something?”
Babs made that “tt” sound with her tongue. They all caught if from Dami, it was ridiculous. “Dick is coming in a few minutes.”
“Oh. Okay, sorry, I’ll…”
“Stay on the line.”
“No, it’s fine! I’m fine! I don’t need—“
“Stay on the line.”
“Yes’m.” Crap. Oracle could get scary.
A deep sigh gusted over the mic. “You know my setup. He won’t hear anything. And he knows better than to pry.”
“So… you don’t have a problem lying to him like that?”
“I’m not lying to him.”
“You know that’s not how he’d see it. And you know how pissed they’ll be when they find out.” Not “if”. She didn’t stand a chance against multiple World’s Greatest Detectives.
“Their emotions are their problem,” Babs said crisply. “You can do this.”
No hesitation. “Thanks,” Steph croaked, utterly failing to hide how much she needed to hear that. Really, miss professional vigilante?
“It’s just truth.”
The sound in Steph’s ear changed. A knock sounded, followed by: “Knock knock!”
“Come in.”
Babs had to switch her audio to the mic that captured the whole room. That made Steph feel all warm and fuzzy: that Babs understood why she’d called in the first place; that Babs trusted her to listen in.
“Your coffee… and your scone… and your tampons, milady.” Dick sounded cheerful. Not fake-cheerful, or the cheerful-or-I’ll-break-down, the real kind. That was always nice to hear. Although Steph felt a bit weird, listening on the sly. She hoped they wouldn’t start kissing or something.
“Still on the line? Where are you?” That was Babs, directly into the mic.
“Um. In some abandoned old tunnel. I told them I needed a smoke. They were real understanding, too. Isn’t it weird, that it’s more okay when I’m upset over messed up things when I’m playing a gang member, than when I’m playing a hero?”
A long, loaded silence followed that pearl. Her and her mouth… It was maybe a good thing that Babs couldn’t say much.
“It’s a neat tunnel!” Steph barreled on. “There’s some glowing slime mold on the walls. Do you think it’s radioactive? Oh well, a bit of radioactivity never killed anyone!”
“Uuuurgh!”
”…is that Steph?”
Oh, fuck.
“Why would you think that?” Which was pretty much “yes”, come on, Babs!
“You always have this… face, on your face.” Steph could hear that gesture. “Long-suffering older sister.”
Yep, that just about summed it up. And no, Steph didn’t feel soft about that “sister” part.
“Also,” Dick went on, “you never worry this way with anyone else.”
“I always worry.”
“But not like this.”
“You’re not making any sense,” Babs muttered.
“Hey, S! Is she on the big mic?”
Keys clicked. “And on the speaker, too.”
“Hi, D!” Steph chirped.
“What are you doing?”
“Oh, you know. Hiding in a tunnel, the usual.”
“Uh huh. Is it any good?”
“It is! Glowing slime mold!”
“Oh whow! Do you think it’s—“
“No, it isn’t—“
“—phosphorescent?”
“It would be bioluminescent,” Babs grumbled.
“What’s the difference?” Steph asked.
“Well, phosphorescent means…”
“Do you actually want to know?” Babs spoke over Dick.
Steph bit her lip. She should keep her mouth shut and the shreds of her vigilante cred intact, but… “Not really. I just want to listen to someone who doesn’t think cutting off people’s fingers on camera is an okay business strategy.”
“Steph.”
Steph winced. She really thought she’d finish the job before she got the Bat-lecture.
And then… nothing. And more nothing. Did the connection drop out?
“Do you want to hear a fairy tale?”
“Do I… what?”
Over the line, she heard shuffling, like the wheels of an office chair. “So,” Dick went on, “I was waiting for Bruce at the Wayne Tower - don’t even ask, it’s so stupid - and I was wasting my time on Wikipedia. And I found this one fairytale…”
”…and then the prince, Gold-Tree, and the second wife lived happily ever after.”
“Wait, like, the three of them?!”
“Yes! Isn’t that cool?”
“That is so cool!” Get tickled, Disney! “Do you think we could make Bruce bankroll an animated adaptation?”
“S…” Babs spoke up, “it’s been almost twenty minutes. That’s a long smoke break.”
“Eh, I’ll tell them I was watching beauty routine reels.” But she’d already started packing up. She ground out the cig she’d been holding - she pulled on it just once, for the smell, come on - stuck it in the cracked jar on the floor next to all the others, and brushed dust off her butt. “Fine. Check in at the usual time?”
“Yes.”
“Okay d’okay. And…” she suppressed a cringe. Vulnerability sucked. “O, D… thank you.”
“Any time,” Dick said. “But S… be careful, please.”
“Always am. Bye!” She ruffled her hair, fixed her bra, and clicked the earpiece off. Back to the trenches. She could do this. After all, she couldn’t let Oracle be wrong.