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Of course, should it serve to satisfy your ambition, you are welcome to deal with the reflections as you deem fit.
The image flashed through her mind once again—a gnarled, bone-like scythe falling from the stars, its wicked blade striking the moon’s surface like a hammer against a mourning bell.
Like the pariah and wanderer who satisfied his own, when he brought the star to the brink of ruin to face you.
Sajyn glared up at the moon, her hands clenching into trembling fists.
Why would she say that? she wondered. And how would she… She can’t have known what I said…back then…
The words echoed between her ears—the admission she made, her answer to the question posed before her by the one she had come to hate so much. When she had the chance to answer him, she could have given in to that hate, and she wanted to. She wanted to silence him, to deny him, to end this twisted spectacle for good.
But unfortunately, she had grown over the course of her journey. She had learned what she was, who she was… She recalled everything she had witnessed, everything she had felt…
And she chose…to be truthful.
That…
Her lips had curled into a smile as she met his gaze, her soul ablaze with the flames of revelation, of acceptance.
That, I can’t deny.
Only a single soul knew the truth of what had happened in that space—the one with whom she’d entrusted her heart. She had been scared to admit it, but relieved to the point of tears when her beloved only held her, accepting that part of her along with everything else.
She knew who she was. Or at least, she thought she did.
But now, the star was on the brink of ruin once again. And this time, she was directly responsible for it.
As the words of that doll-shaped madman echoed in her mind, she couldn’t help but dwell…
In your benevolence, you may seek to save everything and everyone. But once all is consequently consigned to oblivion…
Your noble deeds will amount to nothing more than folly. For no living soul shall remain to judge them.
“Hey.”
Sajyn’s tail flicked instinctively as Lyse’s voice cut through the quiet, and she glanced behind her.
“You’ve got that look again,” Lyse stated, stepping forward with a concerned expression on her face.
“What look?” Sajyn raised a brow.
“The I’m-putting-the-weight-of-the-world-on-my-shoulders-for-no-reason look,” Lyse clarified, coming behind Sajyn and leaning forward, draping her arms around her neck. “Stop it.”
“I wasn’t—!”
“Thinking to yourself that what’s happening is all your fault, even if you couldn’t possibly have known this was going to happen.”
“Lyse—”
Lyse tilted her face towards her and silenced her with a kiss. “Whatever comes, we’ll face it together,” she promised, squeezing her hand. “Like we always have.”
Sajyn finally gave up. Letting out a weary sigh, she sank into Lyse’s hold, her eyes fluttering shut.
“I don’t deserve you,” she said.
Lyse chuckled. “I believe this—” she lifted her hand, her wedding ring glinting in the moonlight, “—says otherwise.”
Sajyn chuckled for a moment before her expression fell. “...Calyx was here.”
Lyse froze, then bolted upright. “What?! What did he do?! I swear, I’ll kick that little squirrel-faced bastard to the moon myself if he—”
“He only spoke to me,” Sajyn assured her, placing her hands on Lyse’s shoulders and holding her down until she relaxed. “He told me where they’re going next.”
“Wait, what?” Lyse blinked. “Where? Why?”
“The Fourth,” Sajyn answered. “And apparently, the Winterers are nowhere near as unified as the Ascians were. Well, except you-know-who, of course. From what Calyx said, they each have their own ambitions they wish to fulfill, and they don’t necessarily agree with each other.”
Lyse nodded in understanding. “You think they’ll turn on each other?”
“Maybe not all at once, but from what he said, he would not try to stop us were we to interfere with the schemes of his ‘fellows.’ Apparently, even he finds some of what the others are doing questionable.”
“Great,” Lyse sighed. “So the mad scientist obsessed with putting our brains in a machine forever isn’t quite as insane as he could be.”
Sajyn snickered, which brought a brief smile to Lyse’s face, before she continued.
“Then…he asked me about my ambitions.” She lifted her gaze to the moon once more. “Throughout everything he told me, he made sure to stress that the efforts of him and his colleagues were the sum of their lives’ works—brought about through devotion, aspiration, and ideals they would refuse to cast aside.” Her voice took on a wispy, almost forlorn tone as she continued. “And it got me thinking… I thought I knew what I wanted—a home, a family, a life I could be content with—and after saving the entire star, I thought I had that.
“But…then what? You remember our first honeymoon. I thought we could just take some time and be…normal for a while, but…then we got bored. I found Estinien and that map, and then all of a sudden we’re holding back an entire voidsent invasion.
“So I thought I could continue to help people. But during our time in Tural, I felt…restless. I was happy to help Wuk Lamat through her trials, but the fact that I was secretly thrilled when we were dealing with Alexandria and everything there almost worries me…
“And then…” She reached into her pack and pulled out Ethos, the amber light of dawn a stark contrast against the chill night. “There’s this. I made this. Or Azem did, but regardless. Why? Miayli suggested that it was no accident that it ended up in my hands. So what does that mean?
“After everything we’ve been through, I thought I knew who I was. Sajyn, a girl who loved adventure, her family, and would gladly fight anyone who tried to take those from me. But with this, I can’t help but wonder…is there more than that? What convictions do I hold? Why do I continue to fight for this world? Because I feel I have to?
“Or…because doing so brings me…fulfillment?”
Sajyn let out a deep sigh, finally falling silent. She felt Lyse pull her in close, cradling her head against her chest, and she let her eyes flutter shut in surrender.
“I don’t know,” Lyse admitted. “Only you can figure that out. But if you want to hear what I think:
“You are Sajyn Kojuro-Hext. My wife. The woman who inspired me to find out who I was without my sister’s mask. The woman who restored the night to an entire world even as she struggled with her own darkness. The woman who refuses to give up, who keeps pushing forward even in the face of Despair itself.
“The woman I chose to spend my life with. I’d say that’s a pretty good start. Wouldn’t you?”
Sajyn chuckled and nuzzled into Lyse’s touch, her tail curling around her leg in support. “Yeah…I would.”
Lyse grinned down at her. “And that’s how I know we’ll beat this. You helped me figure out who I was all those years ago. It’s only fair I return the favor.”
Sajyn lifted her head to meet her gaze, smiling up at those gentle, sky-blue eyes. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.” Lyse pressed a soft kiss to her lips, holding her there for several moments before finally pulling away. “So…what’s next?”
Sajyn stood up and glanced down at Ethos once again. “Well, if we’re going to follow the Winterers to the Fourth, I’ll need to figure out how to get this thing to let me bring others with me. So, it looks like some tests are in order.” She then gave a small chuckle. “Shtola and Raha are gonna have a field day with this.”
Lyse giggled as well. “You got a destination in mind?”
Sajyn glanced up at her. “Yeah. I think it’s time we introduce Sphene to our friends on the First.”