Chapter Text
The Universe was everything, it was nothing. The Universe could not want, could not wish, not in the way it could grant these things. The Universe's eyes were the stars in the skies, long burned out, and the ones burning forever more. It saw and it knew, what had happened and what was to come.
The Universe, in all its time, could not want. It peered below, the stars glistening on the shore, of water it knew but had never felt. Stars shot across the sky, as if it were crying as it yearned for something it had never felt.
And part of the Universe burned. It wanted, it desired. For something that not even the Universe itself could fathom.
But the Universe could not want, could not desire, and it could not burn. Yet it did, and it continued to do so. And the burning, the wanting, the desiring, turned into wishing. A wish from the Universe itself, a wish for something indescribable, unwantable. The Universe would lead, but it never had to consider what it was leading towards, where it was leading itself.
The Universe continued to wish, everything and nothing, wishing, and wishing, and wishing. And what could the Universe do, except grant that wish?
They awoke on the shore. It could not be sure if this was the shore it had seen before, its memory escaped itself. It felt the sand, damp and itchy, right below them. They dug their hands in it, and reveled the feelings. Sensations that it had always known, but had never felt.
It didn't even notice the tears pooling from its eyes, as it stumbled into the water. It let itself fall into it, sinking slowly. It had never considered how deep the water off the shore was, for a body barely the size of a pin to the Universe. And suddenly, the feeling was overwhelming.
Its throat, its lungs began to burn. Its eyes widened as it reached into nothing. This was not the pleasant burning of passion, of a wish. It felt fear, its arms locked up, as it gasped for air. There was nothing, it was suffocating, as if they were nothing more than a star in the vastness of space.
Its eyes stung, it hadn't realized what the concept of something being unbearable had truly meant until now. It knew but it had not felt, and despite the drastic fear overtaking its systems, it could not help but smile, feeling, feeling, and feeling. If it were to die like this it would be happy, overtaken by the water that had drawn it in.
Its eyes began to close, it had not noticed the vignette around its vision. They were content, despite the pain coursing through itself, everything was a new feeling it was ecstatic to feel. What more could it have asked for? Its wish had been granted, and it would thank itself for the rest of eternity.
. . .
Two hands grabbed at them, pulling them up by their shoulders as it was hoisted back to the sand. It had only just felt it, but it was already beginning to feel used to it. It did not focus on the sand as it coughed, harder than it ever had before. It did not enjoy this feeling, this remnant burning as it began to breathe again.
It took several deep breaths, someone was muttering above it, pacing back and forth. Its head was spinning and their ears rung, it was not sure how to feel about this. It was new, but it was unpleasant. Everything was becoming quickly unpleasant. It didn't regret its choice yet, it reached for the water again.
The person panicked as they stopped them, "Blinding STARS are you trying to kill yourself!?"
The voice jolted them out of what they were doing, as they stared up at the person nervously. Darkless hair…mostly, the back was lightless. A cloak that felt rather familiar. It knew them. A name did not come to mind. They didn't respond immediately, blinking at the familiar person, and sitting up.
"…haven't—haven't felt the water before." They were surprised at their own voice, it was startling, they had never heard themself talk before. They wanted to hear themself speak again, but refrained.
"…you haven't—Y'know what, no, no, it's fine, I get it. Sorry for…" He seemed to consider his options, he looked frazzled, and its nervousness turned into curiosity. It did not know what he was thinking, what…anyone was thinking. It tried to remember what it felt like to know, but nothing came up.
"Let's try again!" He exclaimed, helping them up. It's balance wasn't the best, but it managed to stand. Siffrin winced, and held onto their arm to make sure it didn't fall. The touch was….not appreciated, but it was understood. He ran his other hand through his hair, thinking about to say, they assume, "…Something simple! I'm Siffrin…and you are?"
They didn't answer at first, and it was shocked by its own hesitation. …It was the Universe. That was all. Nothing less, nothing more. It didn't look at Siffrin, (his name stuck in its head, it was familiar, but it didn't know it), as it responded, "The Universe."
Siffrin started laughing, he laughed so hard they thought he might choke. He wiped his tears as he responded, still wheezing slightly, "You've got such dry hu…" Their walking came to a stop, and he stared at you dumbfounded.
"…The Universe? You—you know the-" He sounded like he were panicking again, and the way he seemed to slightly shake didn’t help, but he looked…hopeful. They weren't sure what to do. Or how to react. Siffrin pulled himself back together, "…are you from the island too? The northern one, the…." He trailed off, and did not say its name.
"We are not." They answer bluntly, and the shine of hope in his eyes dimmed. They did not feel bad, it was his fault for getting his hopes up.
"We?" Siffrin shook his head and sighed, "…right, right." He still stared at them, as if they knew something he didn't. They didn't blame them, it did know something, it knew everything. Nothing it could to say to him would be what he was looking for, though. He lost himself in thought again, before speaking up, "…If you'd like, you can stay with me and my family..er, party, for a bit. At least for the night! Mira could probably help with your injuries."
They nodded, they had no qualms about staying with Siffrin or not. It would probably be better to stay, at least for now. It would like to experience more things before accidentally drowning again. Perhaps less painful things, too. Siffrin seemed pleased with that response. It felt as if it had something to say to him, but it couldn't exactly figure out what, so it said nothing. Its throat itched.
"…Ah, seriously though, what's your name? Or at least something we can call you?" Siffrin asks, as the distant light of a fire came into view.
Hadn't it already told him it's name? Why did it need to use another? It looked towards the sky, stars glistened above them. It didn't know how to respond, perhaps it had misunderstood what a name was, "…We don't know."
Siffrin stared at them, a look akin to grief painted his face. He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out, and they looked away. They fiddled with his free hand, trying to think of something to say. Nothing seemed to come to mind, so he just smiled, "Well that's fine! We can uh…figure that out later, if you….all…want." They only nodded.
As they were brought back to the camp, there didn't seem to be anybody immediately visible. Why was there a fire going, then? It seemed like a bit of a waste…Oh, there was someone there. That was…likely why. They felt silly, almost. Where had its awareness gone now? It supposed it had to let some things go, the universe was too much and too big to store in a single body, you couldn't put everything into one person.
A child wearing a big white hat looked up at the both of them, "FRIN—uhh who is that." Their excited tone got a lot drier seeing it, "I didn't plan for an extra person, frin!!! We won't have enough food!!!"
Siffrin looked very apologetic as they ushered it to sit down on the grass, "I know, I know, they're um…an unexpected guest! And we always have extras, Bonbon." Siffrin tries to argue, but "Bonbon" didn't seem happy to hear it, and started lecturing Siffrin about bringing people back for dinner without saying anything. It ended with "Bonbon" telling Siffrin where "Dile" was, and him rushing off to go to her.
It played with the grass between its fingers, absently looking off towards the forest, its gaze drifting ever so slightly back to the water. In front of it was a fire, it was warm. They felt warm. The reached to touch it, before getting their hand smacked back, "HEY! Are you dumb??? You can't touch that!" They looked at the child, eyes wide and startled.
"…We don't know what it feels like, though." The kid looked at them even more incredulously. Did it say something wrong? It felt as if that were a completely logical reason to touch it! It knew what it felt like, but knowing is not the same as feeling. It learned that with the water, the sand, the grass, the slight breeze as it walked here with Siffrin…none of it was the same, it was so much more. It's understanding of itself felt different.
"It feels bad! It hurts, aren't you an adult? Shouldn't you know this!?" The kid frowned, taking a step back away from whatever they were making. It didn't know how to respond, it…was an adult, it was pretty sure. "Bad" wasn't exactly a descriptor that was useful to it, but it had a feeling that it didn't want to upset the kid anymore than it already had. What were the words it was looking for now?
"…sssorry, Bonbon." It halted on its "s" for longer than it intended, struggling on the word for a moment, it felt weird to say. Did the Universe apologize, ever? Did the Universe have anything to apologize for in the first place? Whatever it had said, seemed to be the wrong, thing, the child only looked more offended.
"My name is Bonnie!!! Only Frin and Za can call me that!" It was already having to learn so many names, its head was beginning to hurt. It gripped onto the grass a little tighter and shrunk away from Bonnie.
It was too much at once, it was quickly deciding. But it couldn't stop the air from flowing around it or the feeling of the grass beneath it or the warmth of the fire or the crackling noises or the trees whistling in the light breeze of the evening, it couldn't stop any of it! And it was too much! It was too loud and it could feel everything, and on top of all that it had to learn so many names so quickly! It apparently didn't even have one for itself!
It didn't notice the kid in front of them jumping in hesitation, glancing around nervously as they realized they might have made a mistake, "Um—M'sorry for yelling, are you—…" The words fell from their mouth and they didn't continue, they seemed to be getting overwhelmed as well. It wished there was a way for both of them to hide from all of everything.
Ah, but that was a silly idea, wasn't it? The Universe cannot hide from everything, the Universe is everything. And you cannot hide from yourself.
Two people came back this time, and they would cry if they had to learn another name, she seemed to be an older woman, at least visibly anyways, "…Gems alive, Siffrin, I was half sure this was some poorly thought out joke." Siffrin seemed to protest next to her, but they weren't listening past that. Whatever the woman said to the child got them to go back to cooking again.
They stood up to follow them somewhere else, something about not wanting Bonnie to hear. It wasn't sure why, what would it have done? It trusted them regardless, it didn't see a reason to not.
"Soooooo, no name? …Do you know where your from then?" The woman asked, raising an eyebrow as she crossed her arms, staring at the both of them.
They weren't exactly sure how to respond to that, the Universe, it was from everywhere, from everything, it was and it wasn't. Based on Siffrin's response to it being the Universe, it wasn't sure that was the right answer, "…The stars? We—we do not know."
She squinted at their response, "Hm…right." She shot a look at Siffrin, and Siffrin looked…happy? It couldn't tell, it wasn't very sure what was happening, "That's fine. Seems like you and Siffrin are in the same boat." It smiled, or tried to. It wanted to tell them that it wasn't true really, but it refrained.
"You don't have to talk about it right now, or at all." They looked at her confused, and the woman straightened her posture, and clarified herself, "About the drowning, I mean. It isn't our business, but you can talk to someone about it…Mirabelle might be more help, you'll have to ask her first though."
She continued when they only stared in response, "I don't see any problem with you staying with us for now," Siffrin beamed, "However, you are a stranger. Don't push your luck, kid." They didn't really understand what that meant, but it nodded anyways.
"Oh, how do you want us to refer to you?" They stared at the woman still unsure, scratching its arms. She only raised an eyebrow, and waited for an answer, before looking back at Siffrin a little confused. He gave her an awkward smile.
"…Lepus, would be fine." They decided, they hadn't exactly realized where the name came from. It was a constellation, it just couldn't remember which one…odd. There was just so many, it was hard to pinpoint which was which. They were pretty sure this one would be one of rabbit, or hare. Something like that.
Siffrin stared at them, there was something he needed to say, like he recognized the word. The idea of it seemed to stay on the tip of their tongue, and whatever he wanted to say was forgotten right as they went to say it. They seemed frustrated again, but the woman only knowingly looked at them, without saying anything.
"Well, I'm Odile, Lepus. Pleasant to meet you, for now." She looked back to the fire, seemingly double checking on the kid and the fire from a distance, "Any preferred pronouns?"
Lepus tried to think about how one would refer to the Universe. It was everything but right now they were only one thing…"It and…they, I think." Siffrin looked as if he were about to say something, a smirk on their face, but Odile shot them a glare that got him to sigh dramatically and refrain.
"It looks like Boniface is almost done cooking, I'll go join them." She glanced between Siffrin and Lepus, "Siffrin, they should probably still be checked up by Mirabelle, for any potential physical injuries. It can join us for dinner afterwards, if it wants."
Siffrin nodded enthusiastically, turning to Lepus, and gesturing to follow. Which it does. Wasn't the Universe meant to lead? It tried not to dwell on it, it wasn't very important anymore. It looked up at the stars, at home, at…itself? Siffrin noticed, but didn't say anything.
Siffrin knocked on the opening of the tent, before announcing himself, someone inside panicked a little before scrambling to the entrance. Lepus stared at the woman who popped her head out of the tent, there was so many people here, it assumed this was Mirabelle though. Was Mirabelle the "Mira", Siffrin was talking about before?
"Ah!! Siffrin, who is that?" Lepus tuned out their conversation, it had already heard something like this before anyways. It focused on the surroundings, the novelty was beginning to wear off a bit, as time passed. It was sure that they could still spend forever in that water.
"Oh…oh no." She frowned, looking worriedly at them, it felt a bit bad. She seemed very sweet, you weren't exactly sure what you did to upset her, "Um—Go ahead and sit down, sorry, sorry, my tent is a bit of a mess…I was getting ready for bed." She mumbled the last part, seeming a bit embarrassed. They didn't exactly understand what she meant by mess, it seemed just fine by it.
Mirabelle used a craft on them, a healing one it guessed, it understand the thought process of craft, and it knew how it felt now…but it wasn't sure it would ever properly be able to feel it. It wasn't sure it knew how to use a craft, properly. Other than wish craft, but that was a part of itself…it was not the same. It tried not to think of its differences from everyone else. From the Universe. It tried to let itself feel a bit lighter, the healing did help with…something. Maybe the "hurting" was more serious than they had previously realized.
"Up for dinner?" Siffrin asked, right as Mirabelle finished. Mirabelle nodded, and said she'd be there in a moment. To finish whatever she was doing. Before the both of them interrupted her. They didn't think about it, it didn't exactly matter. Nothing mattered in this situation as of now, it would all be very inconsequential in the long run. They nodded as well.
They sat beside Siffrin, he seemed to stuff his face with food, and was much more eager to eat than the rest of them. It stared at its own plate, "…We don't need to eat."
Bonnie looked at them frustratedly, "That's dumb. Everyone needs to eat." They shoveled another bite of the noodles into their mouth, "If you don't like it you can just say that."
They tilted their head, "We didn't say that…um, We'll just have it…thank you?" Bonnie still gave them a weird look, but shrugged anyways. They eat the food that was given to them. It tasted nice, but it didn't know how to express that to Bonnie. They seem pleased either way.
Eating with all them was a bit stressful, and it did not eat much…they didn't need to, after all. It was too loud here, and it seemed to last forever. They all liked talking a lot, and Lepus supposed they didn't mind listening. It wasn't exactly sure what the plan was, or what it was going to do, but it seemed like Odile and Siffrin had an idea.
At the least, Siffrin was familiar.