Work Text:
just make it to friday. that’s what you keep telling yourself; as if you feel any different when the weekend rolls around.
but, alas, you continue to drag yourself out of bed and across campus to your classes all week.
you consider yourself an optimistic person. your life is great! save for the fact that you haven’t gone to bed past three a.m. for the past month and your grades are beginning to slip. however, it doesn’t matter, because today is monday. it’s a new week; you’re going to make the most of it!
so, you march across campus, brown sugar espresso in hand, to your multimedia journalism class to speak to your professor about getting an extension on your video package. truthfully, you’d known about the deadline and you’d tried your best to get it done on time. but with a part time job, other classes, writing for your campus paper, and a lack of sleep, the time wasn’t enough. you just hoped your professor would understand.
you’re almost halfway there when your phone buzzes in your back pocket. with your free hand, you retrieve it, checking the message. tim texted you, yay!
timmy 😻: wanna come over tn? we can do hw together
you : ooh yay no patrol?!?! yayaya sounds good
timmy 😻: okay then see you later cutie pie 😜
you: see yo
your fingers flew as you typed a response, while simultaneously walking. you never finish your response, however, because you run into someone, spilling your coffee all over your new sweater. you immediately begin to apologize to the person you ran into.
“ohmigod i am so sorry!!”
you look up and realize it’s one of the boys on the football team. your cheeks turn red in embarrassment as you look around everywhere but at him. he just scoffed and brushed past you. it’s fine! you just ruined an expensive new sweater and made a new enemy, but you had tonight to look forward to!
so you continued your mission to the class. you knocked softly on your professor’s door and entered, your stomach tightening in nervousness.
“um, hey! i was wondering if we could possibly discuss the assignment that’s due tomorrow night?”
your professor nods and you step in, shutting the door behind you and taking a seat in the seat opposite to where she was sitting. you pick at your cuticles as you begin to state your case, a very pleading look in your eyes. you hoped she would feel bad enough to give you that extension.
once you finish speaking, your professor just sighs, giving you a non-amused look.
“would you like me to be honest with you?” she asked.
you nod, grimacing at what was to come.
“quite frankly, i don’t believe that’s good reason for an extension. it’s poor planning on your part. you have had a sufficient amount of time for planning and working on this assignment. other students have jobs and other classes just like you and are able to get this done. you have no excuse not to,” she states calmly. “i’ve also noticed you rarely attend my class. if you put in more effort to be here, then i would consider an extension. unfortunately, it’s a no.”
you just let out a sigh. defeated, you bite down on your lip to keep from crying right in front of your teacher, and thank her for her time, flashing a polite smile as you leave.
you practically run to your car. you sit and stare at the wheel for a minute, teary-eyed. taking a few deep breaths, you tried to remind yourself of your plans for tonight. it’s fine. you’re fine! there are people out in the world without an opportunity to learn; you’re lucky! you wipe at your eyes, refusing to cry.
a few seconds later, you’re sobbing with your head in your hands. then you’re laughing at yourself for crying in the campus parking lot.
“you’re good. you’re pretty and smart and have a hot boyfriend. you can do it,” you say tearfully. you don’t really believe it. you just feel a little heavier than usual.
you calm down enough to drive back to the library without crashing. you groan quite loudly before exiting the car.
backpack heavy on your shoulders, you trek from the parking lot to your favorite place on campus. it’s quiet, and you tend to prefer silence despite being a loud, vivacious person. that’s something you keep to yourself.
you text tim that you’re not going to be able to make it. you’re stressed enough already, and he’s only going to distract you with those gorgeous eyes.
your phone buzzes. now it’s ringing. sighing, you stare at it blankly, debating on picking up.
snapping out of it, you answer.
“so you’re just not gonna give me a reason?” tim begins, half-jokingly.
“i’m really sorry tim, i just have a really important assignment,” you retort weakly.
“the whole point of you coming over is to do work, silly!” tim shoots back playfully. he can sense something is off. “are you okay?”
“yeah, sorry, i’m just stressed, sorry,” you began before getting practically cut off.
“hey, stop it. i know you. something’s up, and you’re trying to push me away. stop that,” tim pleaded, concern evident in his voice.
you quickly shut that down, not waiting for an answer before hanging up “i had a bad day, that’s all. i really need to get this done, okay? another day? perfect, love you!”
you could hear tim begin to sigh before ending the call. you really didn’t want to worry him; he has enough going on with being robin and all that. hell, you patch him up almost every other night! and he still gets his work done and maintains all As. you would just make him laugh with your little issues. compared to that, being a little sad is nothing. you honestly feel pathetic that it takes up your life this much. now you’ve really done it; disappointing your boyfriend, professors, parents, yourself. you doomscrool into the early hours of the morning, and when you try to sleep, thoughts of the future and the past flood your brain, then you think of your depression, then feel guilty for suffering from the disease of sadness instead of something more reasonable like alcoholism! at least then you’d have a reason to be sad. oh, god, now you’re spiraling.
it’s fine. you just decide to put on your headphones and distract yourself with your project.
you work for the rest of the afternoon into the evening. when you finally make it home and put your head down onto your pillow, the thoughts flow in. nothing concerning; just thoughts.
nights are always bad, but you’re used to it: being jolly all day just to come home burnt out and exhausted. your good thoughts are like the sun, and the sun is out all day. until you are alone. then, each and every ray is covered with a dark cloud. there’s never any rain, because you like the rain. it’s just dark.
so that is why, at the asscrack of dawn, you are sneaking into tim drake’s room. through the fire escape window. yes, you do have the key, and yes, you did lose it in your dorm somewhere.
you struggle, then give up. you just knock on his window, pressing your face against the glass. you look like a lost puppy. however, when you see tim get up from his desk all disoriented, rubbing at his eyes, your face lights up.
“hiiii,” you smile awkwardly at your very tired, very cute boyfriend.
he is not amused.
“you have a key,” he yawns mid sentence.
“lost it..” you laugh sheepishly. “can i come in?”
he just sighs, moving away from the window he opened, watching you like a hawk as you stumble in.
“working?” you inquire, noticing his open computer that was casting a dim light in the room. there was a half empty cup of coffee right next to it.
tim nodded, moving to hug you, resting his chin on the top of your head. “missed you tonight,” he mumbles.
you just lean into his touch, sighing. “i’m sorry,”
tim just rubs your back before sighing. “don’t lie to me. what’s wrong?” of course he knew something was wrong. that boy knows everything.
you just take a breath before mumbling into his chest. “it’s getting bad again,” you pull away, standing awkwardly. you continue, beginning to ramble.
“but like, it’s really nothing to worry about. you basically get beat up every day, and like, i’m just-” you are cut off.
“it’s not nothing. tell me.”
“okay,” you nod. “it’s like, um, i’m just having a hard time adjusting. i don’t have any motivation, i feel burnt out. i also don’t have, like, any friends, it’s just you. and i really don’t want to worry you, you have other things to worry about. my heart just hurts, like physically. and it’s weird because i’m okay during the day and i do normal stuff. i just don’t know what’s wrong with me,”
after pouring your heart out, tim is silent. you cringe, feeling weird that you really just revealed all that to him. that was a part of you kept hidden away. you hate being vulnerable.
tim suddenly approaches you again, wrapping his arms around you two times tighter than before. he sounds small when he speaks. “nothing. you’re perfect.” oh man, your eyes are wet. you laugh nervously as he continues.
“it’s a chemical imbalance, baby. i did a whole bunch of research, and maybe we can look through it all tomorrow? i wanna take this pain away from you.” of course tim had done a deep dive based on a suspicion. you tear up at his sweetness.
you nod wordlessly and accept his comfort fully. tim ushers you under his covers, not before pulling your favorite one of his hoodies over your head. he cradles you until you begin to drift off.
tonight, you would go to sleep without your dark clouds, tucked away in tim’s safe arms, a smile on your face at the possibility of a day- a future- where you would not have to find comfort in your own sadness anymore, no matter how long it would take.