Chapter Text
The warm, worn leather between her fingers felt heavier than the words etched painfully into each page that Kira knew by heart, words the Russian swore no one would ever see.
Until now.
Gentle hands held the journal like it was life itself. "Are you sure, Kira?" It was said with a softness that could break walls, yet no pity filled the Heart's voice, just a warmth that was pure Yumeko.
"Yes," there was a deep, nervous breath, "If you want all of me, that—" blue eyes settled on the book once more before finding warm doe eyes, "is all of me." The Timurov woman said more gently as Kira looked back at the woman who made all those cold nights worth it.
───
Written on the first page in red ink were the only three things that kept Kira Timurov alive all these years:
1. Everything is a test.
2. Do NOT believe anything unless you see it yourself.
3. Keep Riri safe.
-
1...2...3
Run
Once more, the young Timurov girl was moving, eyes on the door at the end of the hall.
As always, Riri was there waiting. Quickly, Kira shut the door behind her before taking the hunter's bow and arrows from her sister's hands, signing what needed to be done next before pulling Riri tightly to her, hugging the younger girl closely. "Get to safety, Ri, do you understand me?"
With a fast nod and a soft "I understand," the Russian looked at her sister once more before yanking open the window in her sister's bedroom, the wind biting at her cheeks.
Blue found green one last time, then vanished behind the windowsill.
After counting to ten, Riri followed the exact path Kira had left behind, making it around the corner of the house as their father's head poked out. The only sound made was the slamming of the window before night reclaimed the silent fall of the snow once more with a soft chatter of teeth mixed in the wind.
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He went to far.
There is no "this time" or "last time". He went to far to many times and THIS one we almost didn't make it.
I almost lost myself, lost her, I was foolish.
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Made it halfway.
Lost my gloves, and the cold is making it harder to write each movement feels like knifes, I have two arrows left; I lost most of them to the brown bear some idiots traped, it slowed him down, so for us both I made it fast.
If it were me out here alone that long, I would ask the same.
Looking into his eyes was like looking into a mirror. Maybe it was for him; maybe it was being selfish.
I should be more afraid of the cold than I am.
More scared of how it's getting harder to breathe, but all I feel is peace, peace and hypothermia setting in my bones.
The echo of my laugh sounds haunting, I should keep moving while I can.
-
I only made it a few feet before I fell, fucking leopard, her anger felt like mine, unforgiving, sharp, deep.
She was probably starving with how harsh the snow is building up.
I am sorry. I hope someday you can forgive me; understand, I too, want to survive.
Need to survive
-
Riri found me as she always does, the silent string between us pulling one to the other. No matter how far one may wander, it always pulls the other in the same way.
I could barely see or hear her, but she was there. She pulled me out of the snow, found the meat, and got us both to safety.
-
Thank you one-eyed leopard for the lesson and the brown bear for the fur that kept us warm and the meat that kept us full.
-
I always loved Riri's cabin. I don't know when or how she found it, but it's always been our safe place, a place no one else ever knew of except for me, Riri, and whoever built it.
It is the safest place we will ever find, so thank you to the one who took the time to make such a place real for two girls who never felt warmth before this.
I wrote the builder notes before, and somehow they disappeared by the next time, most likely Riri, the same way others are helpers for the tooth fairy and whatever version of the big red guy with a beard that takes cookies may be.
Either way, this place is more home than that tomb of a fortress made of lies and pretty halls made to hold us silent.
Prisoners made to look like perfect art.
The nightmares still haunt me, but my calendar tells me we are almost free. Father has to keep the school running and is too paranoid to have anyone but his own bloodline in charge of the school, so if we can make it just a little longer, that may be our key out.
--‐----
Если прыгнешь — прыгну я
Ради тебя на всё пойду я
Зови любовью, зови роком
Ведь без тебя мне одиноко
I never truly understood that saying until now.
I've heard it spoken only a few times in my life, and now I believe it for the first time.
I have lived multiple lives and worn many hats. I've been the people I hate the most, as well as just another gear in the machine for a "larger picture."
I've been scared of feelings and have had too many feelings all at once. I found out I can be a lot softer with certain people than I ever planned to, as well as let someone else see my scars that wasn't my sister.
All because we ran away that one winter's night and survived long enough to start school here at St. Doms.
In the end, it was our way out.
---
Warm doe eyes looked up at Blue as they watched the Heart read every detail from start to finish with a relaxed face until the very end. "What does that mean?" A slim finger carefully pointed to the saying on the last page.
Kira smiled as she reached for the smaller woman's free hand. "If you jump, I'll jump too, because I would do anything for you. Call it love or call it doom, because there is no me without you."
The Russian kissed between the woman's knuckles, whispering the Russian words once more into the Japanese woman's skin.
Yumeko hummed as she gently closed the book, leaning up, kissing the Spade, trying to express all the feelings she felt for the other woman.
"Mm. Very intense, just like you, Kira-chan." The wildcard smiled as Kira scoffed. "I like it,"
Yumeko finished with a larger smile, promising to kiss every part of Kira again and again, thankful that they made it this far until Yumeko could come sweep her off her feet.
"Do you think I could come see your cabin sometime?" The room filled with laughter as Kira replied, "You have to ask Riri, not me, and I am pretty sure you'd be a popsicle before you opened the front door, Yume."
The laughter and playful bickering continued, filling the halls as the door to a different Spade's room not too far away heard each moment.
The silent protector.
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Riri sat at her desk, as she had done many times before, a soft smile spread across her face as long fingers reached into the top drawer before pulling out a worn red binder that was tightly held together by an old torn black cloth.
Part of their hunting clothes, from their younger teenage days.
Carefully, each side fell open as they had done many times before, revealing a neat pile of pages stacked together carefully.
Each one had her sister's handwriting on it.
Bright cursive filled in the space of each line, a perfect gel blue looked back at Riri.
Each one was a thank you for their safe haven, some fell into deeper thoughts and fears but they always went back to thanking the one who took the time to make such a place possible.
"You are welcome, Kira."
You have always been my safe haven.