Chapter Text
I can be tough, I can be strong.
But with you? It's not like that at all.
There's a girl that gives a shit.
Max was smiling; she didn’t smile anymore. Not after Billy died — she tended to keep her distance and pretend like everything was beneath her. Like she didn’t care for anyone in the halls of Hawkins High.
She’d occasionally talk to Dustin, but it felt weird. She missed all of them- Dustin, Lucas, Mike ( Not that she’d ever admit that…)- but most of all, she’d missed her best friend. Jane Hopper.
Jane had moved to California after Hopper’s death.
California, huh. She hoped Jane would like it there; it was a beautiful place. She also wished that she and Jane were still together in Hawkins; she yearned to explore the halls of high school with Jane.
She was looking forward to that, but then life had taken that away from her too.
So, why was she smiling this fine evening? It was because Dustin had roped her into watching movies with Robin and Steve.
There was some movie playing in the background; she didn’t pay attention to the title. She instead quietly tuned into Dustin and Steve’s bickering and the occasional chime of Robin telling them to shut up.
It felt comforting and safe, but she knew that this happiness was fleeting too. It, too,o would slip out of her hands someday.
She felt as though there was something wrong with her, which there was! She was intruding on this family moment. She was intruding on their space; they only invited her because she was acting ‘weird’.
Which she was! They wouldn’t understand the confusing feeling of missing someone you despised and wanted dead, but a small part of you also feels relieved. Who the fuck felt relieved when their elder brother died? No one would get it.
They would look at her weird; they wouldn’t understand, and that was her biggest fear. So instead of inputting into the conversation, she stared at the wall. Thinking of how much easier life was before Billy died, before Jane left.
She really needed her best friend right now, but she was 2000 miles away.
Steve glanced at her and said, “Mayfield, thoughts?” in his ‘I’m pretending to be irritated, but I’m enjoying this’ voice.
“I was busy watching the movie, morons. What were you bickering about?” Max asked, lying. The lie came out of her mouth easily, but the aftertaste was bitter. She hated how easy it was to lie to her friends now; it was like an instinct.
Steve saw through her; she could see that in his eyes. He looked at her like he saw himself in her. Pulling away, being distant.
“This moron here, he said, pointing to Dustin, who just scoffed, “said that I couldn’t take Eddie Munson in a fight. Seriously? I fought all those Russians for nothing?”
Russians? Max never got to ask about how he got all those injuries?
“Eddie Munson? He lives like…right in front of me. Oh, yeah, even Steve could take him in a fight.’’ Max mutters, thinking of the metalhead who lives in front of her - she’s seen him smoking weed outside, and he’s such a dork. Jane would like him, especially his hair. She always adored long hair.
God, she sounded like a woman whose husband was at war.
“First of all, Steve, it was one single Russian. Second of all, Steve would so lose!’’ Dustin said, whining about how cool Eddie was. Steve looked uncomfortable. Max had her bets that there was some history between Munson and Steve.
Robin caught on too as she started chastising Dustin for mentioning his deadbeat dad, who doesn’t pay child support, in front of his mom.
Which made the corner of Max’s lips slightly quirk up.
_______
Max felt warm when she left. She still indeed did zone out for most of the night, but hearing bickering and insults with no bite felt warm instead of a cold trailer, the smell of puke in the air or her mother and Neil fighting.
She liked it; it was soothing background noise.
Her mind drifted to Lucas; they had recently broken up. She loved him, she did… But he deserved better, better than her.
They were a match when they were younger, but she had felt the spark tumble and flicker away slowly, dying – she didn't love him anymore, she didn’t want Lucas to get caught in the mess that was Maxine Mayfield.
She knew that he knew it too; their love was simmering.
But he still chased after her, trying to salvage a relationship that was dying. She didn’t want to harm him, while she may not be in love with him — she still cared for him more than she did for most people.
He was one of her best friends outside of being her ex.
Maybe one day he could understand why she pushed him away.
Steve drove her home in a comfortable silence, which was filled with David Bowie’s ‘Heroes’ playing. It was nice; she liked Steve. He was the type of brother she wished Billy was for her; maybe then she could grieve ‘properly’.
He also didn’t ask her stupid questions like “Are you okay?” She wasn’t, and everybody could see that.
“Uh, yeah, that’s my trailer. Thanks, Steve.’’ She said, muttering the words under her breath as she got out of his Beemer. Going inside her ‘house’ was a gamble every night, whether her mom would be passed out drunk or if she would be all alone in the trailer.
“No problem, Red. Max, if you ever…need anyone to talk to. My walkie’s always on. I’ll always answer, and you can come to my house anytime.’’ Steve said, his doe eyes looking into her sharp blue ones, his voice full of sincere concern.
“Yeah, thank you, Steve.’’ She said as she turned her back on him and walked into the trailer, not looking back at him, she could sense the disappointment at the coldness.
She appreciated the offer, but she didn’t think he’d understand. But, with how things were going? She may as well give it a try.