Chapter Text
That morning, when Thomas woke up he tried patting Chuck– his younger brother’s– hair. On most mornings this would be a comfortable almost relaxing feeling, like the feeling you get when petting a cat. But Chuck wasn't here.
That nothingness where Chuck was supposed to be, scared Thomas more than anything.
He scrambled to sit up and pat his bed down before realizing it was morning, even if it was the morning of the reaping nothing had happened yet.
Chuck was most likely scared, he was probably laying in bed with their mother and his cat, it was his first year of being included in the reaping, even if the chances were low.
There was a low chance that Chuck would be chosen but Thomas has to remind himself that it wasn't zero. It would never be zero.
Thomas tried his hardest to get it as close to zero as he could by entering himself for tesserae 15 times in total, meaning the chances of picking Thomas to chuck was 20 to 1.
— —
When Thomas finished getting ready to go hunt, he pressed a small kiss on Chuck’s forehead, thanking him for the goat cheese.
As he walked, a part of him was grateful for the reaping. Not the part that was taking away people’s children. He wasn’t a sadist. But the part that allowed the people of the seam to sleep in, a privilege that they didn't often have.
He listened to the fence, trying to hear the buzz that would suggest it was on–not that it ever was, but better safe than sorry– as usual it was silent.
He crawled under the fence.
His bow and arrow were hidden in a tree, he picked them up and started walking.
As Thomas made his way to his and Teresa’s spot in woods he only got a small amount of game, barely enough to assure that he, Chuck, and their mother wouldn’t starve tonight.
Before he spiraled into a hole of self-pity and hatred for their mother–who he cursed for not working since their father died– he saw a deer, it didn’t look any older than a year . But if killing it assured Thomas and Chuck enough to eat, he was no saint.
Taking in a light breath Thomas pulled the string of his bow backward, aiming for the fawn’s eye. As he breathed out he was about to release before a skinny pair of arms wrapped around him.
“Hi Tom!” Teresa said, putting her head on his shoulder, causing him to mess up his shot.
“Teresa!” He groaned “I almost had that.” He pulled away from her embrace.
“How are you gonna bring that back without someone seeing you? And on the day of the reaping, Y’know Effie's going to be here, I can already hear her voice.” Teresa shuddered before smiling at Thomas.
“Oh! I brought something for us.” She added on before telling Thomas to follow her.
They go to the same place everyday to have their ‘picnics’ if you could even call them that, but Thomas loves it so, they have many memories on this rock, many good memories involving food.
As the two sat down, Teresa pulled out a loaf of bread. Thomas almost cried at the sight. It was real bakery bread, not the small dense kind they make from the grain rations they get from tesserae, it was real soft bakery bread.
Thomas ripped the loaf open and put it to his nose.
“How much did it cost you?” Thomas asked.
“A squirrel, I think he pitied me. I have no problem with it though, he even wished me good luck and hugged me.” Teresa snickered.
“I got some more stuff too. From the woods though.” She added on.
Just this morning she gathered black berries, strawberries, and a squirrel (that she had sold, but it still counted) . There were much more strawberries than black berries but they still agreed to go light on them.
“I almost forgot.” Thomas mumbled before pulling out Chuck’s goat cheese. “It’s from Chuck.”
“I oughta thank him. Isn’t this a feast suited for the hunger games. Effie would be proud.” Teresa chuckled before doing her best Effie trinket impression “If a lucky lady or gentleman wins for district twelve this year, They shall feast like this everyday! May the odds…” She looked towards Thomas.
“... Be ever in your favor.” Thomas finished, his impression wasn’t as good as Teresa’s, perhaps it was because they were both girls, but it still got them both to laugh.
Still smiling, Teresa pulls out her knife, slicing the bread. In moments like these it’s hard not to see how similar the two look, the same brown almost black hair, the same olive skin tone, they even had the same scowl. They could pass as siblings.
Teresa garnishes the slices of bread with goat cheese, basil leaves, and black berries. She puts her slice to her lips before stopping and resting it on her knee
“We could do it.” she says, staring at nothing in particular.
“Do what?” Thomas replies, setting his slice down as well, even if he wanted it.
“Escape. We could even have kids, we can hunt, gather. I don’t know how to grow crops but it can’t be too hard. We could be in our own little world.” Teresa said before taking a bite of her slice as if she had said nothing at all.
Thomas just looked at her for a while before replying.
“I never want to have kids.” He mumbled to himself.
“I would, if I didn't live here, which is why I said that.”
“Teresa. We can’t do that. I have Chuck, You have your brothers. It… It’s just too much.”
“Tom… Just try…Try to consider it.” Teresa mumbled, all of the fight in her now gone.
The two ate in silence. Thomas hated this silence. He hated how awkward it became. But he didn’t know how to reply. Leave, how could they leave. If the winter didn’t kill them the capital certainly would. And where did this conversation about kids come from? Thomas would hate himself for punishing children with being in this world. Even just the thought about Teresa being pregnant felt foreign, much less because of him.
Clearing his throat, Thomas asked Teresa what she wanted to do.
“We could go fish at the lake, we could buy something nice to wear tonight.”
“Alright,” Thomas replied.
— —
By late morning they collected a fair share of fish, greens, and more strawberries than they could ever imagine eating, before leaving the woods.
The two stopped by the hob selling a portion of what they collected.
After stopping by the hob they made their way to the mayor’s house to sell their strawberries.
The mayor’s son, Newt, opens the door. Thomas doesn’t mind Newt, he wasn’t a snob, he barely even talked to anyone. He kept to himself. He and Thomas were much like each other, so they often ended up together, they sat together for lunch, partnered with one-another, sat together for assemblies. They didn’t talk much but neither of them cared much, or at least Thomas didn’t, Newt never pushed so he assumed he didn't mind either.
Newt was dressed quite nicely, it was odd seeing him out of his school uniform but he looked nice in his white suit, some of his shoulder length hair was tied into a bun while the rest of his hair was down. Reaping clothes.
“Aren’t you handsome?” Teresa looked him up and down, it didn’t sound like a complement, it probably wasn’t.
“I would hope so, can’t look shabby if I go to the capital, can I?” Newt replied, catching the fact that the mock compliment was just that, a mock compliment.
“Heavy on the ‘If’ aren't we.” Teresa rolled her eyes, Teresa never liked Newt. Probably for the fact that it was less likely for him to go into the games.
She then looked at her pin, it was circular and gold. Probably expensive.
Ignoring Teresa, Newt took the strawberries and gave Thomas the money for it.
“Good luck, Thomas.” Newt said.
“You too.” He replies.
Before the two go their separate ways they split what they have.
“See you soon.” Thomas tells Teressa looking into her eyes, she had always had pretty eyes.
“Wear something nice.” She says with a soft smile.
— —
At home Chuck and their mother are already ready. Their mom is in a fine blue dress that goes a little past her knees. Chuck is dressed in soft blue shorts with a white blouse and a blue ribbon at the collar, Thomas ducks down to tie Chuck’s ribbon back into a bow.
“You look cute.” Thomas smiles, pinching Chuck’s cheek.
“I think the back of my shirt keeps untucking.” Chuck says with a soft smile.
Thomas looks at Chuck’s back and sees the spot he was talking about, it made Chuck look like a duck.
“You got a little duck tail.” Thomas teased Chuck causing the boy to giggle.
“I have a bath set for you.” Their mother said to Thomas, to which he just stared at her before walking towards the tub.
He scrubs all of the dirt off of himself before washing his hair.
He had always enjoyed baths, even if the water was cold most of the time, it allowed him time to think without distractions, all he could think of now was that this could be his last bath ever. He tried to push the thought away.
He sees the outfit his mother laid out for him, soft blue trousers matching the color of Chuck’s own, a white blouse, and a blue vest. It seemed that soft blue was their color.
“Thank you.” Thomas said after putting the outfit on. He felt weird taking stuff from her being how bad he thought of her at times.
“Of course,” His mother replied. Tucking his overgrown bangs behind his ears.
“I should’ve cut your hair.”
“You look nice.” Chuck says with a smile, Thomas couldn’t help but smile before hugging him. He wished he never had to let go.
“Let's eat.” Their mother’s voice rang out.
They were going to leave the fish and greens for dinner, they had the bread made from the grain from the tesserae and milk from Chuck’s goat. A light meal felt better than a heavy one, or Thomas might throw it up.
They left the house at one o’clock.
As Thomas walked behind Chuck he felt like he was choking but at the sight of Chuck’s blouse coming out at the back he managed to speak up.
“Tuck in your tail, you little duck.” His laugh after speaking felt hollow
At Chuck’s quack before tucking it in the tears stinging Thomas’ eyes threatened to fall, but he would never cry for the capital to see, he wouldn't cry for the capital. Instead of crying he plants a kiss on Chuck’s forehead.
The square is decorated with bright banners, contrasting with the tinge of sadness that never seemed to leave the air, it coated Thomas’ lungs making it feel like he couldn’t breath.
As the square filled it seemed the persistent dread got heavier, parents hugged their children, children said goodbye to other children, and people like Thomas hugged their siblings, the difference between Thomas and these people was that he wasn’t crying. He hugged Chuck as hard as he could, like they could merge together and would never leave one-another.
And then everyone had to get in order, and Thomas had to leave Chuck.
Thomas exchanges terse nods with his group before they all turn to the stage, there’s three chairs, a podium, and two glass balls containing names. Containing all the children that would die after being called.
Two of the three chairs fill with Newt’s father: The mayor. And Effie trinket, or as Teresa calls her ‘The grim reaper’.
Effie looks as out of place as she does every year, with her brightly colored hair and suit contrasting with the darkly colored district.
Even as the clock strikes two and the mayor walks up to speak, the third seat still remains empty.
He talks about the history of the Panem, the country that rose up out of the ashes of North America, he then lists the disasters, the brutal war for the little sustenance that remained. The result was the Panem, the shining capital ringed by 13 districts.
He then talked about the dark days, the uprising of the districts twelve were defeated, the thirteenth was obliterated. The treaty gave a new set of laws to guarantee peace, as a reminder for the dark days to never repeat, the hunger games were born out of this. To remind the districts that they were still owned by the capitols, they could do whatever they wanted to their children and never get punished by it. The only punisher for the capital was God himself, Thomas barely knew if he even believed in him.
The worst part about the games is that the districts had to act as if it were a festival, they had to watch children fight to the death, starve to death, it didn’t matter how they died 23 children would still die leaving the victor to wallow in the shame of surviving, to wallow in survivor's guilt.
“It is both a time for repentance and a time for thanks.” The mayor says before reading the list of district twelve’s victors, in seventy-four years there have been only two. Only ones alive. Haymitch Abernathy.
Haymitch finally makes his appearance hollering something–Thomas can’t make out what it is–he then staggers onto the stage. He’s drunk. Very drunk. The crowd applauds him briefly before going back to their silence.
When Haymitch gets onto the stage he tries to give Effie Trinket a hug that she fends off. Her expression would be laughable if Thomas wasn’t having difficulty breathing.
Thomas was praying, praying to a God he didn’t believe in. He repeated two phrases every second: please, God, please. He said it like a mantra. The other phrase was: Not him, Not me.
Part of him wished that Chuck was in front of him so he could look at him, but another part never wanted the capital to see Chuck, ever.
Thomas doesn’t hear a single thing Effie Trinkets saying over the beating of his heart and his mind thinking:
Please, god, please.
Not him, not me.
Please, god, please.
Not him, not me.
He sees Effie Trinket pull out a card with her delicate, dainty fingers, but not a word she’s saying. He feels Teresa’s eyes on him but can’t be bothered to look over at her. He continues saying, praying:
Please, god, please.
Not him, not me.
Please, god, please.
Not him, not me.
He doesn’t stop this until he sees Effie Trinket’s lips say: Charles Murphy
God truly wasn’t real.