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Tell Me That I Have Substance

Summary:

“I’ll find something to do. I have to stay useful, okay? I need to be good for you guys.” His breath was starting to pick up as he frantically looked back and forth between the two men.

“What do you mean Dennis? You are good for us.” Robby said, astonished.

“I don’t help out enough here. I need to pull my weight or you guys will forget me again. I don’t want you to forget me.” Dennis cried out. “Please don’t forget me,” he sobbed.

OR

Jack and Robby accidentally mix the days up. Dennis will do anything to prove he is worthy of their love.

Notes:

First Pitt story LFG

Dennis Whitaker basically is being put through the ringer. Title is from We Go Way Back by Noah Kahan

Hope you enjoy <3

Work Text:

They didn’t mean for any of this to happen. 

 

Dennis doesn’t even know how everything got this bad. He had told Robby and Jack that he would be home in 20 minutes while he was finishing up his charting, yearning to get out of the Pitt and show off the new recipe he had found for dinner. They had plans to have a nice dinner at home since, for the first time in a while, they all had the next 2 days off. He had gotten no text back from them, which in itself shouldn’t be weird, but he hadn’t heard from them all shift. He had a weird feeling in his gut. Dennis shrugged it off as them being busy sleeping or whatever they could be doing and made his way to the staff room to grab his stuff. Unfortunately, being the only one out of the 3 who were working and Trinity was out with Yolanda tonight, he had to walk home. The walk wasn’t that bad, only about 20 minutes, he had done it a couple times before. He made his way out of the ED, saying goodbye to Ellis and Shen who were at the charge desk. The weather wasn’t bad at all. Compared to inside the Pitt, the cool breeze and quiet nature scene was perfect. Dennis popped his airpods in, shuffled his music, and started walking.

 

When he got home, he was greeted with the house being empty. The lights were off, it was quiet, and when he looked closer, he saw that Jack and Robby’s shoes were gone. 

 

Huh. Weird?

 

Dennis opened his phone to see if he had any texts that he missed something, but the only thing he saw was a text from Trinity of a picture of her and Yolanda in front of some fancy restaurant. He shot a quick text back, something along the lines of looks cute! He clicked his phone off and decided to just go do his post-work routine and hope that he’ll hear from Robby or Jack. Making his way to the bathroom, he stopped in the bedroom to grab a pair of pajamas when he saw that the bed was a mess. Weird, again. Jack was never one to leave the house without having the bed made. He turned around and headed towards the bathroom, got undressed, and hopped in the shower. It took him no more than 10 minutes to finish up and head into the kitchen. He might as well start cooking so the others come home to dinner ready. Walking towards the fridge to start getting ingredients out, he heard the front door open and hushed voices fill the entryway. He smiled to himself knowing that he would get to see his partners soon. They would finally get to have a night to themselves without a crisis or any medical talk. The two men rounded the corner to the kitchen and got startled when they saw Dennis at the counter cooking.

 

“Denny? What are you doing home?” Jack asked. 

 

Dennis paused for a second. “I just got off of work, what do you mean?” He thought that Jack was joking.

 

“Aren’t you working a double tonight?” 

 

“No? I worked a double last night and this morning.” Dennis saw the confused faces on his partners. The confusion just got even deeper when they looked down to see what Dennis was doing.

 

“Are you cooking dinner for yourself? You should’ve told us you were going to be home, we would’ve grabbed something from the restaurant.” Robby offered. At this point, it felt like Dennis’ head was spinning. 

 

“Restaurant? I thought that we were going to try out that new recipe and have a night in? Y’know, because we all have the day off tomorrow.”

 

Hearing that, both Robby and Jack ripped their phones out of their pockets. Realizing the date, they both looked at each other, then quickly looked at Dennis. 

 

Dennis didn’t really know what the look was, but as he scanned over their facial expressions, he quickly realized what happened. 

 

They had forgotten.

 

They didn’t know what day it was. That they had plans.

 

They didn’t realize that Dennis was gone this whole entire day. 

 

Jack and Robby must have realized the shift in Dennis’ expression and that the weight of the room seemed to just collapse on him. 

 

“Dennis. Dennis oh my god we are so sorry.” Robby said quickly and apologetic. “We didn’t know what day it was, we are so sorry. It’s been so crazy with our shifts and with the different meetings with the hospital.”

 

“Yeah Dennis, Robby was asleep last night, and I must have been so dead to the world I didn’t realize you left. We thought you would be gone till tomorrow morning.” 

 

Dennis just sat there dumbfounded. He wasn’t even listening to the things that his partners were saying. He was just… staring at them with a blank expression. 

 

Was he that forgettable? Did he not matter that much to the point that his partners didn’t even realize he wasn’t in bed. 

 

“I- uh- um it’s okay! I wasn’t really that hungry anyway. We can always do something another day.” Dennis started to put away the ingredients he had pulled out of the fridge while he lied through his teeth. He hadn’t eaten a full meal since the beginning of his shift. He was starving, but for some reason he couldn’t even seem to be hungry right now. “I hope you guys had fun! What restaurant did you guys go to?” Dennis forced a smile, though Jack and Robby realized that it didn’t reach his eyes. 

 

“Denny, baby. Let’s go sit on the couch and watch a movie, your pick okay?” Jack ignored the question, wanting to forget this mistake that they had made.

 

“Oh no, it’s okay! You guys can go. I’m beat from today, I think I’m going to lay down.”

 

“Okay, we’ll be up soon, you’re getting a lot of cuddles for this, okay?”

 

Dennis sat there for a second, thinking about what to do. “I actually think I’ll sleep in the guest room tonight, I don’t want you guys to have to tiptoe around me when you come up.” He knew that the pained looks on Robby and Jack’s meant that they wanted to fight back. 

 

“You don’t have to do that, Mouse. We want to see you.” Dennis just shook his head and made his way past the older men. He didn’t want them to see him cry. He heard his name being called behind him, but he couldn’t seem to bring himself to turn around. He got into the guest room and locked the door. On shaky knees, he made his way to the bed. It was cold and it wasn’t lived in. He just laid himself on top of the comforter, not even bothering to get under the blankets. He just laid there and let the tears go. They hadn’t realized he was home. He was gone for a full 24 hours, and they didn’t even miss him. He tried to wrap his brain around it. He knew that Jack and Robby did a lot for him. They let him live in their place rent free, never asked for grocery money, hell they barely would let him get out of the bed if he knew he had chores. They always just said “We’ll get it done” with some cheesy nickname. They were trying to teach him that his worth never would be determined by how clean the house was or how quick dinner was made. Somehow, this whole situation made him realize that his parents were right. No one would love a leech who couldn’t pull his weight.

 

He knew he had to do something. He couldn’t lose Jack and Robby. They were the best thing that he had. They taught him love. Taught him his medical knowledge. Taught him that he had a place in this world. He couldn’t lose that. He was going to show them that he was worthy of their love and that he was full of substance. Dennis didn’t remember the time passing. All he knew is that he blinked and suddenly the alarm clock on the side table read 6:45am. Did he sleep? If he did, he damn sure doesn’t feel like it. Blinking, he was confused on why he was in the guest room, then the memories came flooding back to him as the brain fog from dissociating cleared. He took two seconds to decide what his next step was before he flung himself out of bed, making his way to the kitchen. 

 

The kitchen was, to say it nice, a mess. Between the three men having conflicting schedules and each of them being exhausted, they all shoved dishes and cleaning to the back of their minds. Dennis rolled up the sleeves of his sweatshirt and got to rinsing and loading the dishes. By the time he was done it was nearing 8:00. He knew that Jack and Robby would be stirring soon and hungry. He scrolled on Pinterest mindlessly till he found a french toast recipe that he thought they would like. While he cooked, he pulled 3 mugs down, making each coffee the way the person liked it. Robby liked it black, Dennis liked it with a splash of cream, and Jack liked it white as a ghost and sugary. He smiled to himself thinking about how a man like Jack, a SWAT officer and rugged ED Doctor could like his coffee the way he does. The smile was gone though when he thought of the fact that he could lose the men he loved. The thought disturbed him until he heard soft footsteps on the stairs. He turned to see Robby standing in the doorway of the kitchen watching him.

 

“What are you cooking, baby?” He mumbled out, his voice still full of sleep. His arms came to wrap around Dennis’ waist. 

 

“French toast, I thought you and Jackie would like it.” Dennis said softly. Robby planted a soft kiss behind his ear. 

 

“Thank you, sweetheart. You really didn’t have to.”

 

“I wanted to.” Dennis spun around to face him and gave him a soft smile. 

 

He saw a shift in Robby’s smile, going from a happy to sad one quickly. “How’d you sleep?” 

 

“Fine.” Dennis really didn’t have any other words to explain it. 

 

Robby was about to say something when they both heard Jack’s crutches approaching them. Dennis looked over Robby’s shoulder to see Jack’s complex look. “Dennis is making us some breakfast, Jack.” Robby said, dropping Dennis’ waist and walking over to Jack to place a kiss on his cheek. The lack of touch from Robby reminded him of what he was trying to achieve. He turned around to the stove and flipped the toast.

 

“Mouse? Can we talk about yesterday?” Jack asked, caution and concern covering his voice. 

 

Dennis stilled for a second. “I mean, yeah. There’s not really much to talk about. 

 

“There is. We’re so sorry Denny. It was unacceptable for us to forget like that. We should’ve checked our phones.”

 

“It’s really okay, I understand that you guys are busy, plus we shouldn’t always be around each other, right? I’m glad you guys got to have one-on-one time.” He tried not to sound self-deprecating, but he probably failed. 

 

“Baby, it’s okay to have one-on-one time with each other, but never the way that happened yesterday. We forgot plans we had made together, and we’re so sorry.” Robby finally spoke up after trying to find the words. 

 

There’s that word again. Forgot. It rings in Dennis’ head, a statement that can destroy all he worked at for these last few years. “Guys, it’s really okay. I’m okay. Food is almost done so go sit down and I’ll bring it to you.” Jack and Robby exchanged a look, but decided to go sit down at the table.

 

When the food was done, Dennis pulled two plates from the cabinet above him and plated the slices of french toast. He walked over to where the others were sitting at the dining room table, presenting the breakfast like he was a chef. He heard the thank you’s from the two men, then spun on his heel to go clean up.

 

“Are you eating, Mouse?” Jack asked, looking at Dennis as if he was about to burst into flames as he scrubbed the pan with speed.

 

“I’ve been up for a while, so I ate earlier.” He was lying through his teeth. For a moment, he thought that the two would see through his lie, but Jack just nodded. “Okay, at least come sit with us?” 

 

As much as Dennis wanted to, he needed to get the house cleaned. Chores kept piling up, and he needed to show them that he was worth loving. 

 

“I- uh have to go switch the laundry over, maybe later!” He ran off, leaving no room for argument. He just made his way to the bedroom to collect the hampers of dirty clothing. 

 

He continued like that for hours. Running around methodically wiping down counters and vacuuming the carpet. He didn’t once sit down to eat or rest. He just kept going with the thought of not losing Robby and Jack fueling him. 

 

Jack and Robby? They were worried. No, not worried, concerned. They had never seen Dennis like this. This obsessive cleaning sweep he’s done. They don’t think he has even seen a plate that he wasn’t cleaning in the last 8 hours. It’s well past 2pm at this point and Dennis still shows no sign of stopping. The kitchen counters sparkled like stars, the living room carpet was soft and clean, the bedroom was spotless, there was literally nothing else for him to do, and yet Dennis kept moving. Doing random things like going through the shed in the backyard to find a random watering can for the flowers on the front porch. Jack and Robby had kept trying to get him to sit down. Offered to even help him, but every time they tried, they were met with Dennis saying that it was “handled”. They see the exhaustion in Dennis’ eyes. They noticed how he hadn’t eaten anything at all, he just had a couple cups of coffee throughout the day. 

 

Sitting in their room, Robby was kneeling at his dresser picking out what he wanted to wear after his shower, Jack was sitting on their bed deep in thought. “He’s not okay.” Robby broke the silence. “No, he’s not.” Jack responded with. 

 

“I’m really worried, I’ve never seen him like this.” Robby whispered. Jack just shook his head.

 

“We fucked up really bad, Michael. We didn’t realize he wasn’t home. What kind of partners do that?” 

 

Robby just stayed quiet. They knew that Dennis was lying when he said that last night didn’t impact him, but they didn’t know he would do this. \

 

“We have to make it up to him. We’ve just been fucking sitting here watching the man we love run himself ragged. And for what? So we can avoid having a hard conversation that was our fault?” Tears were welling in his eyes. 

 

“God you’re right. We need to fix this before he hurts himself.” Robby sighed as he pushed himself up off the floor. Jack reached over the bed to grab his prosthetic and quickly put it on before both men were up and out the bedroom door, heading to the living room. When they got to the living room, the sight they saw was heartbreaking. Dennis was at the TV stand with a duster just obsessing over the smallest flecks of dust that no one could see if they weren’t 2 inches from the stand. The whole day he had a stone face on, but as the older men approached him, they saw that his face was full of exhaustion and fear all at once. They exchanged a look towards each other. 

 

“Baby?” Robby started softly. Dennis whipped his head around towards the sound of his voice. Somehow the facial expression he had prior was gone. Replaced with a soft smile and loving eyes. 

 

“Hi honey, did you need something? What time is it? Oh it’s lunch time, I can make you guys something.” Dennis rapidly fired words out without leaving any room for reaction.

 

“Denny, no it’s okay. We can get something. We wanted to check up on you. You’ve been cleaning non-stop all day. We’re worried that you’re running yourself ragged.” Robby eased.

 

Dennis looked over to see Jack kneeling down next to him. “I’m okay! I just want you guys to relax and not have to worry about the house or chores. I know you guys have been really tired.”

 

“Mouse, you got home from a 24 hour shift last night. I don’t think I’ve seen you touch a speck of food today. Did you sleep at all last night?”

 

“I think so.” Dennis shrugged. 

 

“What do you mean you think so?” Jack questioned. 

 

“I mean I did. Don’t worry about me guys, I’m okay! Go lay down and take a nap.”

 

“We’ll go lay down if you come with us, okay? We miss you” Robby urged. 

 

“I-I really have to get this done guys. I’ll come lay down when I’m done.” 

 

“Done with what, Mouse? You’ve done literally everything there is to be done around the house.” 

 

Dennis hesitated. “I’ll find something to do. I have to stay useful, okay? I need to be good for you guys.” His breath was starting to pick up as he frantically looked back and forth between the two men. 

 

“What do you mean Dennis? You are good for us.” Robby said, astonished. 

 

“I don’t help out enough here. I need to pull my weight or you guys will forget me again. I don’t want you to forget me.” Dennis cried out. “Please don’t forget me,” he sobbed. 

 

Jack sat back on his heels as Robby was startled by the sudden emotions from the younger man. They watched as Dennis just broke down into tears in front of them.

 

“Dennis… We could never ever forget you, okay? We love you so so much. You mean everything to us.” Jack started.

 

“You forgot me yesterday. But it’s okay. I’m going to make it up to you.” Dennis suddenly shot up and started walking towards the kitchen. 

 

Before either Jack or Robby could react, the days worth of no eating and sleeping seemed to catch up with Dennis. The second he was fully up, he stumbled. He tried to push through and walk on shaky knees, but all his knees did was buckle. He headed towards the ground without even realizing it.  “Oh shit! Michael catch him! Catch him!” Jack yelled. Robby was off the ground in record time, catching Dennis by the waist before he could hit the ground or hit his head. In Robby’s arms, Dennis was just defeated. He was exhausted. Not the kind of exhaustion that is normal after a shift, but this bone deep exhaustion. He was running on pure fumes today, and his body was warning him he needed to stop.

 

He looked up to Robby dazed. “Baby?? Can you hear me?” He processed what had happened and that he was on the floor in Robby’s lap. He looked over to Jack who somehow made his way to them, he’s not really sure when that happened or how long Robby had been talking to him. His face just crumpled as his body wracked with sobs. 

 

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Did I hurt you Robby?” he sobbed. 

 

“What? No baby, I’m okay. Are you okay? You just collapsed. Scared the fuck out of us.” 

 

“I didn’t mean to do this. I just wanted to show you guys you didn’t make a mistake getting with me.” Dennis trailed off at the end. 

 

Jack’s eyes were filled with tears as he began to talk. “Dennis. I want you to listen to me very closely. We could never ever forget you. We didn’t forget you last night, we forgot what day it was. It was shitty for us to do and there was no excuse for us to do what we did. We’re so sorry. It’s never going to happen again, do you understand?”

 

Dennis thought for a second and just nodded.

 

Robby continued Jack’s thought, “Dennis you are the best thing that could have ever come into our lives. We want you here. We want you forever and ever. You are the most kind, caring, and loving person. You are the easiest thing to love. I know people in your past have taught you that love is conditional, but I promise that with us it isn’t. We want you on your bad days, we want you on your good days. We’re going to make it up to you for last night, okay?” 

 

Dennis didn’t have the words. He was so worried about not being forgotten by the people around him, he forgot himself. He forgot that the men he fell in love with are the best people on this planet. He just sat there in Robby’s lap crying. Jack moved to bring the three together in a group hug, Dennis in the center. 

 

“Now Dennis, I want you to be honest. When was the last time you had a real meal?” Robby asked. 

 

Dennis had to pause and think. 

 

“Well there’s our answer. We’re ordering food right now.” Jack reached for his phone and opened the Doordash app. “Your pick, Mouse. What’s it going to be?” He ended up choosing his favorite Indian place from down the road. After Jack ordered the food, the trio still didn’t move from the floor.

 

“How do you feel, baby?” Robby pushed softly. 

 

Dennis took a second to really take inventory of how he felt. “I’m really tired. I don’t think I slept at all last night.” 

 

“Alright, so what I’m hearing is that you have been going at it for 48 hours with little sleep and not a singular full meal.” Jack stated. 

 

Dennis just laughed sheepishly. “Yeah, I guess.”

 

“Next time you feel like this, you come to us okay?” Jack said. Robby nodded along with him. 

 

Dennis nodded, and he meant it. 

 

A few moments passed before Robby suggested they  move to get off of the floor. Dennis had also started to climb his way out of his lap and up onto his feet before Jack gently pushed him back down. Robby stood up, then bent down to scoop Dennis up in his arms bridal style. Dennis made a noise of protest. “You are one tired mouse, okay? We are going to the bedroom where you can nap until food is here, then we can eat, then you can get your ass straight back to bed so we can have a full day tomorrow where Jack and I show you just how special you are.” 

 

“But what if the bed gets dirty? I just cleaned it!”

 

“You let us handle it.” Jack firmly stated as Robby set Dennis down in the middle of the bed. The older men climbed into the bed, sandwiching Dennis between them two. 

 

“I think I can do that.” Dennis agreed.

 

“Oh you have no choice, baby.” Robby laughed as he pulled Dennis into his arms. Jack snuggled up to Dennis’ back. Squished between his partners, he was able to fully relax for the first time in days. 

 

“I love you guys. So much.”

 

“We love you more.” 

 

“Eh, debatable.”