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1
It's 2 AM, and Sion's shoes are falling apart.
Yushi hears it before he sees it—Sion's shoes are falling apart because the once-rhythmic sounds of their shoes tapping against the practice room floor have gone lopsided in a way that's only noticeable when the same squeaks and scrapes are all you've been hearing for the past several hours, every day, for however-many years chasing a lofty goal that only recently felt within reach.
"Soon, you two will debut," said the training team. "Along with your new teammates. Work hard to get along with them, okay?"
(At the time, he felt numb. It wasn't until he got back to his dorm room that he felt genuine hope that maybe, maybe, they weren't lying this time.)
That survival show couldn't end soon enough. Pushing Yushi and Sion's bodies to the limit each week must have been the company's idea of entertainment, and when Sion barely spoke up with a shaking hand during one meeting, the executives sneered and merely told them that if they have seniors that can handle double the workload of two groups all the time, then they can too for a few performances, for a few weeks. Never mind the fact that it's not just the workload—it's also the fact that they were expected to help several other trainees too. No amount of training before prepared them for a leadership position in their new supposed group. The last time Yushi had to lead others in a big team was long, long ago.
(Somehow, Sion took charge of everything so naturally then that Yushi wondered if he missed a class or two on How To Be A Good Role Model For Your Juniors.)
But that hell is over with now, thank goodness.
Their debut was secured, after so, so long. The tour that is in the works for them won't begin for another few months. Really, they didn't need to do this right now, practicing so late into the night until their limbs screamed at them for familiar mercy.
And yet, Sion keeps dancing. With those broken shoes.
Yushi feels guilty. He was the one who told Sion that he was going to stay behind in the first place for something he was unsatisfied with. Then out of kindness, pity, or something else entirely, Sion didn't go back to the dorm, and instead kept Yushi company and danced along with him.
"Hyung, let's take a break," Yushi says, and Sion nods and smiles at him. He's smiling so wide like the soles of his shoes aren't actively peeling apart, and Yushi doesn't really know what to make of that either.
When Sion is taking sips of juice, Yushi can't help his curiosity any longer.
"Your shoes," Yushi says, pointing at the dying sneakers. "They're ripping. Doesn't that hurt?"
Sion looks down. He shifts his weight to one foot and turns along the heel, mimicking a step they had done earlier, and the increasing tear of the sole away from the shoe only gets more and more pitiful. The entire bottom will fall off at this rate.
"It doesn't hurt exactly," Sion starts, and Yushi tries to not cringe at the little chunk that just ejected itself from the outsole, "But it feels uncomfortable, like someone's trying to kick my feet while I move."
"Oh." Then why do you keep dancing?
"Has this ever happened to you? Your shoes falling apart while you're doing something?"
Yushi swallows down the contents of his own water bottle, and shakes his head as he sets it down.
"No. I never really let it get to that point."
Sion takes a seat on an arm of the practice room couch. "Right, you said you played soccer before. Shoes must have been important, Ushi."
Yushi doesn't know what to say.
Sion is a lot of things: kind, warm, responsible, and, somehow, weird. But not in a bad way, never, never in a bad way. Yushi enjoys their small talk, their longer talks, and even when Yushi doesn't talk, Sion never pressures him to. He's grateful for that. Sometimes Sion talks about anything under the sun, with Yushi as his sole audience. Sometimes Sion doesn't say anything at all and simply sits with him in silence. Silence isn't uncomfortable to Yushi, and it seems that Sion is the same way.
But Yushi just doesn't know how else to describe the itchy feeling in his brain, whenever Sion does something that seems… odd? For example, the fact that he keeps practicing even with crumbling sneakers. He only stopped when Yushi told him to.
Shoes don't exactly break so quickly, at least not the pricey kind that Sion buys. He would have felt it an hour, two, even four hours ago when Riku accompanied Daeyoung, Ryo and Sakuya back to the dorm for their curfew. He could have gone home then, and not risked sneaker-death.
Sion is weird, kind, and kindly weird.
When Yushi turns back to face one of the mirrors, he goes over the little routine he was practicing before. Soon enough, Sion jumps off the couch and repeats the same moves along with him. His broken soles clap against the floor off-rhythm, and when Sion lifts his leg just enough for Yushi to see the bottom of his heel with a white sock poking out of a hole, Yushi decides he's had enough.
"Sion-hyung, you should go home."
Sion has the audacity to look puzzled in the mirror. "Why?"
"Your shoes. They're breaking. You shouldn't dance like that."
"Hmm… okay. Are you going back to the dorm too?"
Yushi shakes his head. "I'll go back after 3 AM, maybe. I want to rehearse these steps a little more—"
"Then hyung will keep practicing too."
Yushi's brain feels itchy again.
His confusion must show on his face, because Sion laughs so hard that Yushi briefly considers a career in comedy. Sion turns to face him fully, not just in the mirror this time.
"Ushi, you always work so hard. Hyung doesn't want to leave you alone, okay? I'm ready to go when you are."
Warmth blooms over Yushi's nerves when he scratches the itch.
"Even though your shoes are…?"
"I'll dance barefoot if I have to." As if to prove a point, Sion starts taking his sorry excuse of shoes off.
If Yushi knew that, years ago, the wide-eyed boy he saw in uniform on the company stairs would be this weird, he would have tried figuring out the method to his madness sooner. Maybe then, the itchy feeling in his brain-to-heart pathway would have been resolved by now, and he wouldn't be on the cusp of debuting with a guy that makes him feel this strange.
It's a little much, too much for Yushi's brain to handle at the moment, so he relents.
"Let's just stop for today. It's pretty late, anyway… And you should get new shoes."
Yushi catches Sion smiling in the mirror—still smiling like his mistake didn't cost him a hundred thousand won.
2
The waiting room is a place of highs and lows.
The anticipation of performing a new song in front of fans never gets old, and even after months into their debut, Yushi feels proud. Sure, waking up in the awfully early morning is a struggle for him to do on time—their manager makes sure to scold him for it—but he tells himself it's all worth it when he sees the smiles on fans' faces.
Sometimes, though, the tiredness gets to him. Tiredness and stinging aches and unknown pains in Yushi's body as he drags his feet across the floor and into the waiting room for a music show, not a hospital. His body might need one soon. Or not, who knows. The company probably doesn't, either.
Then again, he has no right to complain. If there's one thing he's committed to, it's this. His body is practically one with the sky now with how often they're flying back and forth between Korea and Japan. This is what hard work looks like—no, feels like.
Yushi fights his way through the brain fog and reminds himself why he's doing this.
Unfortunately, he's so zoned out on the seat that Yushi doesn't realize that one of his arms is near a raised table, that when he goes to stretch, his arm ends up knocking into someone's drink, spilling it all over his torso and lap.
The staff have mostly congregated on the opposite side of the room near the mirrors and doors, and the members who are getting their makeup done and changing clothes are too far away to hear the little incident. Yushi tries to look to see if there are any napkins near him so that he could discreetly clean up the mess. The last thing he would want is to inconvenience others with his own mistakes.
A beige hoodie drops on his lap.
When Yushi looks up, he's greeted by the sight of Sion, who must have just finished changing into today's stage clothes, and when he leans down—close, really close—Sion holds the hoodie and begins wiping it across the spill in Yushi's lap.
Yushi freezes. "What are you doing?"
Sion doesn't answer, which is a little annoying, if Yushi is being honest. Instead, he seems focused as he continues cleaning what's left of the spilled drink on Yushi's pants and shirt. The liquid is half-absorbed into Yushi himself and half-absorbed into the beige hoodie that, now that Yushi thinks about it, is the same one Sion sometimes wears to the practice room and was wearing just a few moments ago before he went behind the curtains to change.
"Hyung…"
A head turn, finally, and jeez, something about Sion's serious expression changing to a stunning, beaming smile once his eyes meets Yushi's feels like it should be illegal. Outlawed.
"You're so clumsy," Sion says, a teasing reprimand as he rubs the hoodie into Yushi's clothes.
Yushi lets himself be pampered. "I didn't mean to spill it."
"I know you didn't. Good thing hyung is here to help you."
"But the shirt."
"Hm?"
"That's your shirt."
"Hmm. It is."
Yushi breaks eye contact first, and looks down at the damp mess that is his lap. The smell of the drink lingers, faint and sweet. "Why did you use your shirt to clean the mess? It's ruined now."
"You're being dramatic," Sion says, and, okay, sure, the liquid stain is only a few shades darker than his hoodie. But Yushi would argue that cleaning up a tea spill with Ralph Lauren is just as, if not more, dramatic.
"You hate it when your clothes are dirty. Also, isn't that one expensive?"
Sion sits down beside him on the couch and balls the hoodie up. "I can clean it when we get home. Or I can just buy a new one. It's not a big deal."
How?
How can Sion be so nonchalant about using his clothes as a mop when he really, really didn't need to? He knows that there are wipes somewhere in this room, probably near the makeup desks. If Sion didn't know, he could have flagged down the managers and stylists. They would have known. So to go out of his way to clean Yushi up personally, well, makes Yushi feel too much at 8 AM, it makes him feel—
A grinning face suddenly enters his vision, and Yushi jumps.
"Don't worry about it. Really, don't worry about it." Sion says, patting Yushi's thigh. "I just wanted to help. Even though the managers are over there, you weren't going to ask them, were you? You've been working really hard lately, so let hyung take care of you, yeah?"
Yushi paws at Sion's hand in a weak attempt to punch it off of him. "Like you haven't been working just as hard."
"Sure. I'll always look after you, though."
"You don't have to do that…"
Sion's smile drops. For a second, Yushi's heart does, too, fearing he had said something wrong. Then, Sion takes Yushi's hand in his, and brings it to his own, clean lap.
"Six years, Yushi," Sion says, gentle but firm. "We've been seeing each other for that long. But you've been training for even longer than I have. Remember when you asked for cheeseballs back then? Through Papago?"
As if Yushi could forget. He recalls how nervous he was having to work up the courage to approach the weird hyung for the first time in the dorm. "Yes."
"It's alright if you do stuff like that more often." Although Yushi's eyes have drifted down to Sion playing with his fingers, he can feel Sion's piercing gaze on the side of his skull. "Not just asking for cheeseballs, of course, but sharing your thoughts with us more, even if it's something you want from us. I want you to rely on me—on the members, okay?"
Yushi understands.
He understands, and the spill that was once warm against Yushi's body has long since cooled down by now. Yet, his body burns in a way that saps the words out of him.
From the beginning, Yushi's independence had to grow at an alarming rate in order to make it through the cutthroat entertainment industry. From one company to another country, back and forth, until he found himself placed in the same training unit as Sion, and never separated since.
Even then, he felt the stares of the other trainees when the monthly evaluations rolled around, when his years in the industry made themselves apparent. To his benefit, it meant that they mostly treated him with respect. It made Yushi's life easier, until he realized how isolated he was from most other trainees who found his skill intimidating, like it was a threat to their own futures.
He remembers, Sion stared too.
What did Sion see when he looked at Yushi, all those years ago? What about now?
A pinch to Yushi's thigh.
"Ushi-ya," Sion giggles. "The changing room is open, remember? Or are you planning on staying in tea-stained clothes forever?"
Right.
He has a job to do.
Yushi gets up off of the seat, but not before whispering a thank you to Sion. He knows it's not enough to convey even a fraction of the storming thoughts in his head, but it's all he can muster for now.
Sion's smile softens, like he knows, and Yushi has to look away before that does something else to him.
He gets to the empty changing space, spotting his stage outfit labeled on the racks. Yushi turns to look in the mirror. While the stain on his pants and shirt has faded somewhat, the tips of his ears and the apples of his cheeks are blooming red in their stead.
The more Yushi's mind flickers with remnants of Sion's touch, his hoodie pressing onto him, his smile, his words, the more his face burns, and the more it seems like moving on is a good idea, for his own sanity.
(His brain-to-heart pathway buzzes with the enthusiasm of a ringing phone. Yushi doesn't know if he wants to answer it.)
3
"If you're going to go outside with us, then at least wear something else under that jacket and sweatshirt."
That's the last thing Sion says to Yushi before he shoves a shirt into the younger's hands and slams the door, leaving Yushi standing awkwardly in the entrance to his hotel room.
Sion is still angry with him, it seems.
Yushi sighs.
Their argument from yesterday replays, fresh in his mind.
"Hyung," Yushi said, with a sternness that felt foreign to his throat, "Go back to your room."
Sion didn't smile, didn't have any trace of expression on him that had his usual joking demeanor. He looked tired. "For the last time, no. You're heading to the gym, right? I want to work out with you. Can't hyung do that?"
Eyes closed and the bridge of his nose pinched, Yushi shook his head. "I was going for a walk. But you've been working out without even eating first, practicing nonstop without breaks, and you've been going to all of the meetings with staff in our stead."
"Most of those are my duties as a leader. You know this." Sion crossed his arms.
"You had to get an IV drip today. You're walking with a limp backstage when you think we're not watching. That's—that's not normal."
A tap, tap, tap of Sion's foot, signaling his patience thinning.
"It's… It's something we have to get used to. We're idols now, Ushi."
An uncomfortable, unwelcome chill crept up Yushi's spine at the implication. "That doesn't make it right. You shouldn't have to destroy your body for this."
"I'm fine," Sion spat. "What, you don't think I can handle something as simple as working out alone?"
Yushi's eyebrows furrowed at the accusation. "Eh? No! That's… not it at all."
"My body is used to it, you know. As long as our fans are happy, it's fine, isn't it?"
"You—" Yushi's hands curled into fists at his sides, "You can't be serious. You know what will happen if you keep going like this."
Thank goodness the hallway was empty at this hour, and that the others were already in their hotel rooms. Anyone passing by would think that they were ready to swing at each other.
"Why?" Sion ran a hand through his hair, and tightened his grip once he got to the back of his nape. "Why won't you believe me as your leader?"
Yushi looked away. "That's not what this is about."
He could feel Sion's eyes burning into him. "Then what is it, Yushi?"
Yushi meets Sion's eyes in spite of the burn beginning to happen behind his own.
"I don't want what happened to Riku to happen to you, too."
And that was it before their manager popped out of the hotel room to tell them to knock it off and go to bed, since their flight leaves in the early morning.
Yushi knows he didn't imagine the hurt that flashed across Sion's face as he turned on his heel and shut his hotel room door that night.
He snaps back to the present and holds up the shirt he was given.
It's a black t-shirt whose style and material are clearly meant to be that of the kinds of fitted fitness tees Sion wears on the regular. Yushi can wear this under the gray sweatshirt and black jacket he was told by the stylists to wear, and they likely wouldn't know about it. It'd be an extra, hidden layer of warmth as they prepare to venture into the cold on the streets of Yokohama.
But that's the confusing thing.
Sion is still angry with him. His tone said as much, yet this shirt reads as a clumsy, caring act of kindness.
It's strange.
Weird.
Yushi is probably overthinking it.
There isn't much time before they need to head out, so Yushi slides on the black t-shirt tight against his body and the rest of the ensemble on top of it quickly before the staff starts pestering him to hurry up. He'll think about it later.
As expected, when he meets the rest of the members and staff by the elevators, Sion doesn't spare a glace at him. While Sakuya and Ryo are fighting over who gets to hold the camera, Daeyoung glances at Sion then looks towards Yushi in concern, as if asking for an explanation, but Yushi just shakes his head. Even if pressed properly for an answer, Yushi wouldn't know what to say.
When they're in Yokohama's Chinatown, Sion keeps his distance from Yushi, choosing to stick next to the maknaes in the back while Yushi keeps Daeyoung company in the front of their group. Every time Yushi turns around, the distance between them fluctuates between closer and farther, and each time, Sion is never looking at him.
Something in him aches.
They have never fought like this before. Part of him almost wishes they had so that Yushi could know what to do in this case, like a formula, precedent, anything to grasp onto in lieu of swimming in shaky waters with the one person he can't afford to lose.
At that time, Yushi wasn't in the wrong, was he? He feels sick to his stomach every time he thinks about Riku's ongoing hiatus. That's when Yushi realized that he doesn't want anyone to fall ill. He wants to hope that Riku will come back soon, but his absence is a noticeable void left in the group, and he misses him dearly. Of course, the thing that destroyed Riku's health is the same thing that is slowly gnawing away at Sion. If Sion also hospitalized himself into a hiatus, Yushi doesn't know if he could ever cope with it.
Yushi keeps searching for every trace of Sion's voice throughout the busy street, fragments of his conversations with Sakuya and Ryo, and it feels like needles in his skin at the possible truth that Sion is happy with everyone. Everyone except Yushi.
And that hurts more.
Yushi rubs his collar to touch the shirt Sion gave him, the shirt he's still wearing inside. It hugs him like a second skin.
If Sion hated him now, he wouldn't give the shirt to him, right?
Daeyoung nudges Yushi's shoulder.
"Yushi-hyung, is Sion-hyung… alright?" Daeyoung says, just loud enough for Yushi to hear.
Sakuya shrieks at something and Sion's signature laugh can be heard miles away.
Yushi looks down. "Maybe. I… don't know. I'll talk to him later."
If Sion would even let him.
Thankfully, Daeyoung doesn't interrogate him further, and instead switches topic to asking him about his history in Yokohama's Chinatown. It's an easy enough line of questioning that Yushi's mind can ease a little, calm itself of the tension still remaining from last night.
He tries, he really does. When Sion, Sakuya, and Ryo stop at various stalls to buy food, Yushi hovers near them for fear of getting separated from them. Still, Sion barely glances at him and doesn't offer him a bite in the slightest, which bothers Yushi more than it should.
Eventually, a neatly arranged display case catches Yushi's attention, eyes glued to the glistening strawberry and grape tanghulu inside. When he pats all around his jacket, however, he realizes too late that he didn't bring any money of any kind. It's also too late to remember that Sion is the one who is carrying their money.
He turns to Daeyoung. "Do you have money?"
And Daeyoung doesn't, but, bless his heart, he calls out to Sion. "Hyung! Can we get something?"
Sion turns around to Daeyoung, and Yushi thinks it's pitiful that he wants to cheer a little at the brief glance Sion gives him, before looking back to Daeyoung. "Sure, sure, sure. What do you want to get?"
Yushi tries to not think about the way Sion gives the card to Daeyoung instead of walking up to the register with them. When he gets his tanghulu, it tastes more bitter than sweet.
Once they're dropped off at Yokohama Cosmo World, they're greeted with a stunning view of the theme park in bright, colorful nightlights and tall, winding structures.
A flash of a memory resurfaces in Yushi's mind of once being here, long, long ago, when he was still small enough to be picked up by his mother. It's the warmth he misses. Back when life was so simple and he didn't have to worry about the repercussions of idol life.
Everything feels so cold now, impersonal and distant. Without even Sion's warmth, how will he…
No, no.
He can't give up.
Yushi will try his hardest to get Sion to look at him properly.
He gleefully points to the roller coasters.
"Let's play rock-paper-scissors and if you lose, you go on the roller coaster."
Somehow, this finally gets Sion to make eye contact with him since the hotel, and he exclaims without missing a beat, "No!" before turning around to walk with Sakuya again.
But in the small moment Sion did face Yushi, he was smiling, not angry. It was like he knew that Yushi was joking around and took the whole thing in stride. It was like there wasn't a hiccup in their relationship at all.
Maybe they can overcome this.
It's a small victory, but Yushi will take it.
When Yushi is talking with Ryo by the ledge of the ticketing booth platform, he sees Sion hugging Sakuya out of the corner of his eyes.
Logically, he knows Sakuya is probably cold in this weather and that his noticeable shivering is what lead Sion to hug him. Because Sion is warm like that, he spreads his warmth to others so lovingly as if it's instinctual to him.
When Yushi starts wishing that Sion was hugging him instead, he shakes his head free of the thought, as if that would chase away the heat creeping onto his cheeks too.
On the Ferris wheel, Yushi pushes his luck again by taunting Sion with a shake of his body when they make eye contact from across the seats.
Sion flinches and holds the maknaes' arms tighter. Yushi's eyes follow the movement when it hits him that his arms feel empty. The lack of weight reminds him of it.
In the event that Sion had to face his acrophobia, he had almost always, without fail, clung on to Yushi. It happened at Universal Studios before debut, at Jeungpyeong after debut, and at Jamsu Bridge long before their faces mattered to the public, when Sion clutched his arm so hard he thought it would fall off after a day's worth of training, where Yushi learned of this side of him for the first time. Yushi didn't really get it, but he learned to look out for him whenever they were approaching something so high up that Sion's eyes would start to shake. It was better in an enclosed space.
Here, in the cabin, Sion doesn't reach for Yushi to hold onto.
It stings a little. Or, a lot, the more Yushi thinks about it. A wind seeps in through the glass, if that's possible.
Sion is warm. He spreads his warmth to others as if it's a natural part of him.
But it's not for Yushi. Not now, not like before.
It shouldn't be like this.
At the Red Brick Warehouse Christmas Market, Yushi runs into a problem.
See, he split off from the main group to look for a bell to ring and pray at. Sakuya followed him, and like the doting older brother figure he was, Yushi let him come with so that they could properly find a place to give their blessings. Once they found one, Yushi rang his bell flawlessly and folded his hands in prayer. Sakuya, however, didn't know how to ring the bell. So again, like a good older brother figure does, Yushi reached out and pulled the rope for him.
And that's when Yushi felt a light crack against his shoulder. A little more movement and Yushi can feel the material of his sweatshirt on skin where it shouldn't be touching, and, shit, yep, he screwed up.
He broke Sion's t-shirt.
The worst part is, this is entirely Yushi's fault.
There is no excuse really. When Yushi was putting on the shirt Sion gave him, he noticed that it was the tight, compression kind of athletic shirt, but his body is proportioned differently to Sion's. Sion is taller and his muscles fill him out perfectly in the areas that aren't as broad, but Yushi is shorter and his shoulders are, well, broad. Too broad for Sion's shirt, apparently, judging by the way it burst at the seams.
He tries not to let his discomfort show and puts his hands together in prayer again. This time, he's praying for Sion's forgiveness.
On the walk back, Yushi's brain tries to put a nonchalant front about it, but it just ends up looping himself right back into his earlier dread.
Sion, kind, selfless Sion whom Yushi hurt, had lent him his shirt to keep him warm, and Yushi ripped it in return. He should apologize. For everything too, last night, all of it. How Sion could forgive him for his offense, and the other, Yushi doesn't know anymore.
His hands are trembling before he knows it, and the air in the market suddenly feels weighted, damp, suffocating, and gone, all at the same time. The lights are too bright, there are too many people, too many cameras, it's all awful, his vision is mixing shapes and colors against his will and his next breath doesn't go in right.
Yushi searches, and searches. Breathes, and breathes. He can breathe.
He latches onto Sakuya to ground himself before it gets worse, and it works like a miracle. Sakuya lets him hug him and squeeze him and Yushi is grateful for him, it taking a bit before he starts feeling his world slowly spinning back to normal as his senses stop assuming everything around him is hostile.
Sion would understand, just as Sakuya seems to understand. Or maybe Sakuya doesn't really understand, and is just letting Yushi fawn over him, but Yushi really, really wants Sion to understand.
Maybe Sakuya knew, or maybe he didn't, but Sakuya leads them through the market, talking with Yushi about everything and nothing until Yushi barely remembers his spiraling and they make it back to the other members.
Yushi tries, and remarkably fails at making an attempt to talk to Sion at the open vendor area.
As everybody was walking together to gawk at the tents from afar, Sion split from them to look at one particular stall. Seeing this, Yushi thought it would be a good idea to tell him about the ripped shirt, at least, and apologize for it too. So he followed him.
That was until Yushi saw the tranquil, focused expression on Sion's face as he looked at the snow globes the vendor was selling. The corners of Sion's mouth were lifted ever so slightly upwards as he inspected the snow globes with something akin to nostalgia, and the lump in Yushi's throat told him that he couldn't ruin Sion's quiet joy like that with his own superficial issues.
So he turned around and went back to the others.
Went Sion returned, proudly showing off his souvenir bag, Yushi found himself staring. He doesn't know if he was searching for joy, scorn, sadness, or what, but when they made eye contact this time, Sion looked away.
A rush of courage washes over him. Yushi wants to make things right.
Back at the hotel, Sion's door opens with just a few quick knocks. He looks like he just finished getting dressed after showering.
His eyes widen when they meet Yushi's.
"Can I come in?"
Sion doesn't say anything for a moment, the seconds being a long enough pause that Yushi wonders if he made a mistake in coming here. But Sion breaks eye contact first and opens the door wider for him to step inside.
The door shuts.
Yushi walks further into the room and Sion follows close behind. From there, Yushi realizes belatedly that hiding it behind his back is useless. Sion calls it out.
"What are you holding?"
Well. Here goes nothing.
Yushi turns around to face Sion, and holds the crumpled shirt towards him.
Sion's eyes widen for a second time.
"I'm sorry, hyung. I'm really sorry. I wore your shirt, but it ripped when I went to go ring the bells with Sakuya. I didn't—"
"Yushi, Ushi, hold on just a moment."
Sion takes his shirt from Yushi's hands and holds it up, allowing it to unravel. The split at the shoulder is glaringly obvious, and somewhat embarrassing.
"Did you really wear the shirt?"
Huh. "Eh?"
"When I told you to put it on, I was just saying stuff. I thought you—you wouldn't. Since, you know," Sion's voice trails off.
Yushi just stares at him, and it's all it takes for Sion to fold.
"Aren't you still mad at me?"
Dumbfounded, is what Yushi is.
"What? You're the one who's angry at me."
Sion's eyebrows scrunch together in some mixture of skepticism and shock. "I think we need to sort this confusion out first."
He leads them to his plush hotel bed, tossing the torn shirt to a chair, and Yushi takes care to not disturb the pristine sheets too much. They sit facing each other.
Yushi speaks to get ahead of the nerves before they settle back in. "You didn't look at me before we left to go to Chinatown."
Sion looks down, and away at the statement. "You're right."
"And you didn't look at me that much when we were buying things there, too."
"Yeah."
"You aren't looking at me right now."
Sion's head snaps towards him.
Yushi fiddles with the fabric of his own pants. "So doesn't that mean you're mad at me?"
Silence settles briefly, and the sound of Ryo's laughter travels through the other side of the wall.
A hand touches Yushi's fidgeting one.
"No. I'm not angry with you."
The hand rubs its thumb across the back of Yushi's fidgeting hand. The fidgeting stops.
"I could never be angry with you, Ushi."
Sion sighs.
"I'm the one who should be sorry. What you said last night was right. I've been so stupid. The meetings, the practices, the maintenance to look good for the fans—it's eating at my time, you know? The staff always need me for something. Manager-hyung wants this and that from me. If I slip up in front of them, much less the fans, what'll they think? You understand, right?"
Yushi nods. He doesn't know when the texture under his fingers changed from the fabric of his pants to the skin of Sion's hand, but it does.
"I feel exhausted. The IV drip helps, a lot. But I still feel like I need to keep going. With Riku missing, I can't afford to mess up. Everything needs to be perfect, for everyone's sake. If it helps the members, then hyung can handle it alone."
When Yushi looks into Sion's eyes, it's an expression that Yushi ultimately decides he never wants to see again on him.
"I avoided you when we were out because I thought about it a lot, and I couldn't bring myself to face you. I don't think I'm a good leader. Still, that's no excuse. I ended up taking it out on you. I never should've taken it out on you, especially. I'm sorry, Yushi."
I don't think I'm a good leader.
What? Is he serious?
He can't be this—
"Stupid."
Sion flinches at the word, but before he can move away, Yushi scoots closer to him, and their knees touch.
"I can't think of anybody else that could be the leader for Wish," Yushi says, raising his volume to make sure that Sion can hear his sincerity, although he's just inches away. They stare at one another. "You always think of us before yourself. You keep pushing yourself so hard for our sake. You've done so well leading us through the tour so far."
Yushi's eyes begin to warm. He keeps speaking regardless.
"But I don't like seeing you be hurt. I can't stand it. Those injection marks are ugly, hyung." His hand reaches for Sion's left arm, for the dip of his elbow, and runs a thumb against the bandage there.
Sion laughs, an attempt to lighten the mood. "Did you feel this way when I got my vaccinations?"
Yushi pouts. "That's different. This could've been prevented. If you needed to get the IV drip, I wish you wouldn't do it when you're already giving everything up for us."
"I know, I know. I'm sorry again," Sion says.
They're sitting so close to each other now that Yushi can lean into Sion's shoulder if he wanted. So he does. Sion doesn't stop him.
"I'll forgive you if you never call yourself a bad leader ever again."
From where his face is buried against Sion's shoulder, Yushi can't see Sion's expression. However, he feels shifting, limbs going somewhere, until he eventually registers that Sion has wrapped his arms around him. It's not a tight embrace, but it's one that feels warm—warm like everything else about Sion.
"Okay. Thank you, baby."
He—
Yushi short-circuits.
Thank the heavens that he can't see anything right now other than down at their shirts and pants and feet and sheets. If he had to face Sion right now, he thinks his face would explode.
Maybe it's the way that Sion said it so low and husky, in that rich voice of his. Maybe it's the intimacy of the moment, shared just between the two of them, only them, after their first real fight in their entire six years of being in each other's presence. That nickname does something terrible to Yushi's brain.
It bites, chews, and swallows a part of his brain-to-heart pathway. It's terrifying, and electrifying, all at once.
Yushi doesn't know if he wants to reach out for it quite yet. But it's there, present, and quite obvious the effect that Oh Sion has on him, despite everything.
This whole thing between them, today—maybe he needed it. Maybe they both needed it.
Suddenly, he's brought back to reality when his body moves under the force of Sion's arms. They bring Yushi down onto the bed, pliant, until he's laying on his side and Yushi's head is tucked somewhere in between pillow, Sion's shoulder, and Sion's chin.
Sion keeps holding on to him, from this close.
"Thank you for staying with me through all these years."
A lump forms in Yushi's throat when he tries to speak. It's a physical barrier as much as it is the fear lodging itself there.
Still, Sion understands.
"It was hard back then, and it's even harder now. You could've stopped showing up, and I wouldn't have blamed you. So thank you. For staying with hyung, even when he's like this."
Yushi wants to object to the self-deprecation, but the lump is still there, pressing.
It's too weighted to say. The implications of Sion's words, in the context of everything, is grander than what can be said right now. Yushi wouldn't be able to start even if he wanted to. So he settles for grabbing the front of Sion's shirt, and burying himself closer into the embrace.
The silence this time doesn't feel like the unspoken hatred of before. It disperses like a light mist, of sunshower after downpour, and Yushi chooses to bask in it.
They stay like that until morning.
(A few days later at the concert, Yushi can't stop his tears from falling after seeing the smiles on the fans' faces. His heart is still so, so sensitive, even after crying twice on that survival show, even after everything. He knows he's a crybaby, knows he should grow out of it at some point, but the tears just run and run. When he tries to speak into the mic, it gets so hard to keep talking, that lump in his throat back with a vengeance.
But then Sion stands in front of him, back to the audience, and throws his arms around him, on stage, in front of everyone. In the midst of the fans' loud cheers, it doesn't drown out Sion's voice.
"Yushi-kun, don't cry. Don't cry."
He doesn't say the rest, but Yushi understands it all the same, because he can see it in Sion's eyes, that he understands too.
Everything, everything they have worked toward has been worth it for this moment. The joy, the smiles on the fans' faces—this is it. It doesn't get better than this. The feeling is exhilarating, even when Yushi's heart feels so full that it burst into tears for everyone to see.
After the concert is over, Sion guides him so gently as if he were handling glass, never leaving his side until he is forced to by staff. Even then, Sion goes right back to him as soon as he is able. He keeps his hands, body, anything on Yushi, as if Yushi will float away if he doesn't.
There is so much Yushi wants to say, but the damn lump in still in his throat. So he doesn't say it.
Sion stays by his side, regardless.)
4
If something changes in their relationship after that, they don't talk about it.
Between touring, rehearsing, filming, and recording for the new mini album, with Riku finally back, there isn't much of a chance for Yushi to elaborate on the things he couldn't say in the hotel room. By the time the chance comes, it's too many months, too late to bring it up. So he lets it be, and Sion seems to as well.
Yushi's world is working smoothly, peacefully and like a well-oiled machine, until it doesn't.
Behind his back, the staff decided to surprise him by having him film not one, but two videos with EXO's Kai.
The person who is the reason why he became an idol.
It's funny. He figured they were going to be promoting during the same period as soon as he found out Kai's comeback date. Yet, Yushi didn't bat an eye when he expressed the desire to buy gifts for him, and the managers all but jumped at the opportunity to suggest recording a solo vlog about it. Yushi went with it, choosing the gifts sincerely, and poured his heart out into writing a letter that was supposed to be delivered next week. Not the next day.
Kai was much too gracious to him on that texting show.
Yushi barely held it together when he was shuffled out of the recording studio and into the car, only for his manager to reveal to him that he'd be returning to the company practice rooms to learn dance from Kai.
And it took everything in him to keep his composure throughout the whole video, a few feet from Kai, spilling the contents of his gifts and letter to him.
Because Yushi really wouldn't be here today as an idol, if not for Kai. His letter didn't lie.
Alone in the car ride over to yet another recording session though with the members this time, Yushi's mind goes blank. Not in the way that there's nothing there, but rather that there is too much, too much to process down the drain. His mind just sits somewhere else, crowding.
That is, until he gets to the waiting rooms where the other members are waiting, and gradually, his mind begins to sort it out.
Meeting Kai means everything to Yushi.
The amount of days, weeks, months lost practicing to EXO songs are too high to count. It's how he fell in love with dance as a child, wanting to be like them, so much so that he landed himself into a company, only to leave a promising debut behind to chase his dream across the sea into the very same practice rooms seen in the videos on his phone. Then came the half-a-decade he sacrificed to become something worthy of being even remotely placed in the same bracket as them. He was so, so young, and Kai, and EXO, were the epitome of everything he wanted to be. It still is.
But dance wasn't even his first love, really. Yushi's first love was football.
There, he had a promising future too, before all of the idol business. He was good, far better than any of his peers at that age. Something about that passion must have been written on his face, because he was interviewed at some point about it, wasn't he? Yushi was even younger then, talking on the television about the fun he has dribbling a football and shooting goals.
Now he's on television for entirely different reasons. Reasons that would not exist if not for EXO's influence.
Meeting Xiumin back then was enough to overwhelm him to the point of tears. Meeting his idol, in the literal and figurative sense, today, and having to damp down everything he feels in front of the camera, as an idol himself, is no short of cruel.
Not even his letter touched on everything he wanted to say. Kai doesn't know half of what he's done to Yushi's life.
From leaving one dream to walking another, to achieving that dream in the flesh.
Yushi did that. Kai, EXO helped him do that.
It is everything to him.
And that's why Yushi can't help but react the way he does in this waiting room. For better or for worse.
On his left, some meters away, Riku and Daeyoung seem glued to the hip, laying every which way on one another as they talk back and forth about some funny language quirk one of them has, Korean or Japanese, Yushi isn't listening that closely.
Then there's Ryo, Sakuya and Sion—loud, louder and loudest to his right, who are talking nonstop about food, drinks, and their very urgent opinions on each and every edible thing in the universe.
It's something about the constant noise from his left, his right, the few staff in the corners of the room, the hallways with more staff and even the upper floor. It's something about the smells of random containers of takeout, perfumes, colognes, hairsprays, and stray cleaning products in the air. It's something about the way the fluorescent lights and white walls and lines in the ground all mix together into something gross in his vision that his senses decide they had enough, with the myriad of thoughts in the back of his head, his heart beats faster, and it's too much invading his body all at once.
Yushi gets up out of his seat and runs out the door.
He doesn't stop running until he finds peace. Which for Yushi, means the quiet of the restrooms.
A man washing his hands gives him a dirty look as Yushi swings the door open, but Yushi can't find it in him to care. He walks into a stall and slams the door shut and just sits there breathless on the toilet, waiting, until the other man in the restroom finally leaves, and Yushi is left all alone.
Yushi cries.
The tears he couldn't express on that texting show, the practice room, in the car, Yushi lets it all out in a pathetic sob with his head in his hands. His body can't stop trembling, his throat feels tight, his heart is beating too loudly, and snot is starting to run all nasty down his face, but he can't help it.
The emotions of today have officially reached their breaking point.
He sits there, crying, for maybe only a few minutes or so, before the door to the restroom opens.
It doesn't open violently like Yushi did to it. Whoever it is walking in must be tiptoeing or something, because their footsteps are so faint that it's barely audible over Yushi's sniffles.
The person stops walking in front of Yushi's stall. Yushi holds his breath.
"Ushi-ya, is that you?"
Yushi would know that voice anywhere.
He could never, ever forget.
Unfortunately, he's not in a state to talk right now, nor is he even remotely presentable, so Yushi stays still, still sniffling.
"It's hyung. Do you need more time? Do you want me to leave you alone?"
Yes, to the first question.
To the second question?
Yushi's body acts before his mind catches up.
When he opens the stall door, blinking through his tears, he sees a distressed and slightly out-of-breath Sion standing in front of him.
They don't say anything to one another at first, like they're absorbing each other's expressions. It's hard to see Sion's features clearly through the tears, though. Yushi sniffles again.
A hand reaches for Yushi's, and he lets himself be pulled along.
Sion guides him away from the stall to the sinks and mirrors, and turns him around so that Yushi isn't facing them. He is facing Sion, however.
"Ushi," Sion says gently, delicately. "Close your eyes."
Yushi nods shakily, and closes his eyes to the world. Another tear rolls down his cheek.
Sion shifts a little, then summons some kind of plastic clunking sounds from his hands. There is some sort of metal and softness like fabric mixed in there as well. Yushi stands still, until he feels something being placed onto his head, onto his ears.
Immediately, every sound he hears is drowned out into nothingness.
The silence is startling, at first. What Sion placed on his head—headphones, from the feel of it—has such strong noise cancellation that it sounds like hitting the mute button on life. It's a feature that Yushi wishes he could do himself sometimes, like a superpower, without the need for an object to keep track of.
Once the initial surprise passes, it's calming.
The well-needed true peace and quiet sets his mind at ease. No more can he hear the chatter of people outside, of rushed footsteps on concrete, of his own sounds echoing off of the restroom walls. The sound of his own heart slows down from the frantic thumping of before, settling into something more tranquil and steady. Yushi's breath starts to even out to the rhythm of his heartbeat.
With his eyes still closed, Yushi doesn't see it, but he feels his hands being taken into Sion's warm, firm ones. Sion holds them tenderly, slowly, as if any abrupt movements will scare him off, and turns Yushi's hands so that his palms face upwards.
Then, Sion's finger runs along the palm of his left hand. On his right hand, Sion does the same.
It takes a moment for Yushi to realize what he's doing, before it clicks.
He's writing.
Yushi concentrates hard to visualize the paths Sion's finger draws across his palms. It's something different on each hand. Sion repeats both letters, again and again, slowly, until Yushi gets it.
윤슬.
Sion is asking him for permission.
Yushi nods, and the finger leaves Yushi's hands.
Eyes still closed, he hears Sion shift around, tapping on something.
He hears it in his ears next. The volume is low, barely a few increments above silence, and yet it surrounds him like a veil.
Good night, my moonlight
Come and embrace me deeply
Yushi exhales. Of course Sion would choose that song.
It's significant to them. Long walks by the Seoul Forest, the Han River, just the two of them, long before their debut and their futures were still uncertain. Gazing out into the phenomenon of sparkling water under the setting sun and Sion teaching him, pointing to it, that's called sun glitter.
"NCT 127-sunbaenim released a song named that, actually. Do you want to listen to it, Ushi?"
A routine turned into a precious memory.
It would be exaggerating to say that they were best friends back then. There were other people they drifted to more often, spoke more to during their time as trainees. Nevertheless, they remained in each other's orbit, doubly so when their friends were carted off for debut without them. In between filming for that nightmarish survival show, they continued their walks outside together until they became immeasurably closer.
When time seemed to have stopped
I thought of you immediately
Could this be love?
This song brings Yushi back to those days when they only had each other.
Does it do the same for Sion?
Yushi doesn't realize he's inching forward he stumbles, eyes flying open and Sion catches him by the arms, hugging him. Sion doesn't seem to say anything, but he doesn't let go of Yushi. So Yushi makes himself cozy by resting his chin on Sion's shoulder. He stares at an unremarkable speck on the wall. At some point, he stopped crying, too.
The rest of the song plays out while they're stuck like that.
Vaguely, Yushi remembers doing something similar with Sion to this song. Was it at a concert? He would have forgotten it if not for the occasional post from fans that ends up on his algorithm the few times he checks social media. How lost in thought was he that he did that in public, and with people watching them?
But Sion let him do it too, didn't he? He even switched his phone over to his other hand to allow Yushi to continue laying his head on him.
Back then, it felt… comfortable. Like he could stay like that forever, just the two of them side-by-side, tucked in each other's spaces like a room carved out to fit them perfectly.
You shine endlessly like magic
Forget all the radiance of the bad things
I like you, you already know that
You're the moonlight that shines even in my dreams
It's funny how this song has such a profound effect on him.
Is that why Sion picked it?
Yushi hums the song until it ends. When its over, he releases himself from the warm embrace and moves to take the headphones off. He does, and the headphones nearly crack in his hands. The hinges on one side swing flimsily when he moves it back and forth.
As Yushi looks at Sion, properly this time, he finds that Sion is already staring back at him, and he looks sheepish.
"Your headphones are broken," Yushi says.
Sion rubs the back of his neck. "Yeah. It's been like that for a while, don't worry about it."
"But you wore them yesterday, and it looked fine."
Yushi keeps staring, because Sion is a bad liar when it comes to lying in front of Yushi. Sion sighs, and caves first.
"I… might've taken them out of my bag too fast. They got stuck on something and I pulled it too hard." Sion takes the headphones from Yushi's hands. "Sorry if the headphones felt uncomfortable because of it."
Yushi shakes his head. "I didn't even feel it."
What was Sion in such a hurry for, though?
No. Actually, Yushi knows.
He knows all too well.
"Hyung—"
A worker walks into the restroom at that moment, giving Yushi and Sion a questioning glance before slipping into one of the stalls. Yushi frowns at being interrupted, but Sion puts a hand on his back and gently nudges him.
"Do you feel better?" Sion asks.
Yushi nods.
"Then let's go back to the others."
Yushi doesn't fight it. He washes his face using the water of the sink, and leaves the restroom together with Sion.
Once they've returned to the waiting room, Yushi tries not to think about the way the members go silent the moment he enters. Riku and Daeyoung at the makeup desks are looking at him through the mirrors, and Ryo and Sakuya are tapping away at their phones pretending that their attention isn't all on Yushi. Yushi suddenly feels all too aware of how much he made them worry, but Sion just rubs his back and guides him to sit down on one of the empty couches.
Then Sion leaves to go talk to their manager. About something important, presumably.
Yushi hoped he would stay beside him a little while longer, though.
Thankfully, Yushi doesn't feel lonely for very long, because Ryo saddles up next to him on the couch.
"Yushi-hyung, look," Ryo says, as he shows Yushi his phone. His screen shows some type of stats profile for one of the games he plays. "Pretty cool, right?"
"No way." Sakuya sits down on the other side of Yushi on the couch. Before he knows it, another phone screen if shoved in front of Yushi. "Mine is better. See here? It's higher than Ryo's."
"That's because you're a literal damage dealer. I have way more healing done than you."
"Oh yeah? I can deal damage and tank. I'm more useful to the team."
"I'm the one keeping the team alive so that you can get your kills. Honestly, how is your kill count so low?"
… Is this Ryo and Sakuya's way of cheering him up? Or aiming to distract him, maybe?
Yushi smiles.
He gets pulled into a debate about competitive game stats and player roles. The mechanics of this specific game that Ryo and Sakuya play fly over Yushi's head, but he gleefully indulges in their banter, because he is eternally grateful to have such caring, kind friends.
Ryo and Sakuya fall for it when Yushi acts clueless on purpose just to elicit a reaction out of them. And if they do notice, they don't mention it, instead satisfying Yushi's penchant for mischief and making him laugh the hardest he's laughed in weeks.
At the dorms in his room, Yushi lays on his bed thinking about it.
Genuinely, he is thankful, and he will always be thankful to everyone that helped him to meet Kai face-to-face. For Kai to simply know of Yushi's admiration for him, it is all he can ask for.
He is happy, really. Overwhelmed, overstimulated, and drained after such an eventful day, but deep down, he is happy.
Yet, something is nagging at him.
Yushi sits straight up in his bed. He locates his phone, and calls the contact right away.
It picks up almost instantly.
"Ushi?" Sion doesn't waste time. "Is everything alright?"
Yushi can't believe he nearly forgot.
"I forgot to thank you. You know… for earlier. So thank you, hyung."
A pause, and then Sion laughs. "And here I thought it was an emergency. You rarely ever call me."
"Oh. Should I call you more often?"
"I'm just joking, don't worry about it." Something shuffles like blankets on the other end. "I wouldn't mind if you did… but that's enough about me. Did you really call me because you forgot to thank me for earlier?"
Yushi pouts like Sion can see it. "I did. You helped me a lot, and it wouldn't have felt right not saying it."
Sion chuckles. "You're so cute, Ushi."
A blush spreads across Yushi's cheeks.
"Was…" Sion starts, but hesitates. "Did it go alright, meeting Kai-sunbaenim?"
So the other members knew about the surprise too. It's scary, how much information the managers can keep from him without him knowing.
"It was incredible," Yushi says, recalling the day with positive feelings. "He was so nice, and tall, and funny, and he's really, really good at dancing. He taught me his dance in front of me. I thought I was dreaming."
Sion's laugh turns fond. "What else happened?"
Yushi raves about Kai like his life depends on it, and Sion listens. He doesn't interrupt, doesn't question Yushi's admiration, but simply entertains his account about the videos he filmed today. When it turns into Yushi talking circles about how cool EXO is, like Sion wouldn't already know that, Sion stays on the line with him.
It doesn't take long until Yushi tires himself out from talking and slows down considerably. Once it's obvious that he's run out of praises to give Kai on the phone, Sion takes over to speak enough for the both of them.
"It sounded like you had a lot of fun, at least."
"I did."
"I wish I could have been there to see you meet him."
Lying back down on his bed with the phone next to him, Yushi puts Sion on speakerphone. "That would have been more embarrassing."
"I tried to ask our manager if I could be on set to watch, but he said no," Sion sulks. "I understand why, but I'm—uh… Yeah."
He trails off, but Yushi is too curious for his own good.
"You're what?"
Sion doesn't answer immediately, but he keeps talking before Yushi can think he hung up.
"So don't laugh at me. But you remember meeting Xiumin-sunbaenim back then, right?"
"Mhm. You were there."
"I was. You cried afterwards and the staff asked me to come back in because they didn't know how to calm you down."
It feels embarrassing hearing it like this, but Yushi has already been drained of his tears for the day, anyway. He's at peace with it now.
"I thought you might cry again, when you met Kai-sunbaenim."
Yushi feels the need to defend himself, despite the fact that Sion essentially read him like a book. "I'm not a crybaby."
"I know you're not," Sion explains. "But I do know how much it means for you to meet him. I wanted to see that moment when you realized just who you were speaking to, and I was also worried for how you were going to feel afterwards. Our manager told me about the second video you were filming with him, and I ended up getting more nervous the longer you were away."
How much was Sion thinking of Yushi today?
A thought suddenly crosses Yushi's mind.
"That's why you were so quick with the headphones."
Sion stutters. "Oh—uh. Yeah. I thought you might need it. When you ran out of the room so suddenly, it was like acting on autopilot."
Something in Yushi's entire being melts at the revelation.
When Yushi holds the phone closer to his mouth, it comes out soft.
"Thank you."
A beat of silence passes comfortably between them. It's not until now that Yushi realizes just how fast his heart is racing.
Maybe this is the reason why he doesn't call Sion on the phone. It makes his heart do funny things that aren't allowed in this kind of job. If Sion weren't like this to him, Yushi wouldn't be thrown into disarray this often.
And yet, he doesn't mind it, truly.
He likes it, loves it, even.
Yushi doesn't need a mirror to know his cheeks are red when he speaks. "Hyung… do you feel it, too?"
A pause.
A few more seconds.
And Sion pauses for too long.
"Huh?"
It's too late. Yushi's heart drops to the floor. No, of course, why would he assume? Sion is like this with everyone. Yushi isn't a special case. No matter how long they've known each other, he never had a chance. Throw the thought away before it becomes something painful. In this kind of job, that's a safety net.
A poor excuse comes falling out of Yushi's mouth before he can stop it. "It's… late. We need to wake up early tomorrow. So let's sleep. Okay, hyung?"
"Uh… alright. Good night, Ushi," Sion replies.
Yushi hangs up without another word.
He tells himself it's okay, because Sion is loved and adored by everybody, and that's great. There's enough of him to go around, it's been like that since years ago, and he has enough love to give that everyone surely feels that same heart-pounding way whenever they look at him. Yushi accepts that maybe, this special thing he has with Sion isn't exclusive.
Still, the idea of Sion breaking his headphones for anyone else feels haunting.
When it haunts Yushi into his dreams that night, it's some of the worst sleep Yushi gets in ages.
5
In a purikura booth in the beautiful, peaceful city of Fukui, Yushi thinks he's about to lose his mind.
And it's all Oh Sion's fault, because it's always been him, only him, that can make Yushi feel this flustered, delirious, and like he's on top of world.
Because why is Sion using his very expensive, very luxurious ring to open a bottle of cider for him?
It's deranged.
As months passed, Yushi resolved to not think about Sion like that again, lest he be brought back into a whirlwind of feelings that would eventually spill out from his thoughts and into something tangible that Sion could notice. The less distractions, the better off he'd be. It worked, and he focused on becoming wonderfully closer to the others, in spite of the inner devil in the back of his mind reminding him that Oh Sion exists. Sion became closer to the others too, and that meant that they shouldn't have to rely on each other as much anymore, compared to the early days, right?
Perhaps there were some moments that Yushi failed to keep his affection for Sion in check, but it could have always been excused for something else.
But this?
This is unacceptable.
The speed at which Sion walked over with his ring in hand, once he saw Yushi struggling with his bottle, like sacrificing hundreds of thousands of won was his first instinct, is quite frankly, ridiculous.
It throws Yushi back down into the rabbit hole he worked so hard to climb out of.
When Sion grabs the bottle with confidence, touching Yushi's hand in the process, it makes his brain go dumb. It's hard to deny that Sion looks damn attractive doing this, using his ring with all the conviction that it would work as a bottle opener. Yushi's million won savior.
Sion tries at it so boldly that Yushi is afraid he will cut himself on the cap, but Sion doesn't falter. He only grips the bottle and by extension, Yushi, harder, applying more force until Ryo voices his concern.
"Let's stop, they should have a bottle opener at the hotel," Ryo says.
Truthfully, Yushi doesn't have the patience for that. So, he tries to open the bottle with his own ring to save Sion the trouble. As expected, it bends. Yushi would mourn the loss more if Sion didn't immediately take the bottle into his hands to try again, like he didn't see what just happened to Yushi.
The bottle claims another victim in Sion's ring.
Yushi can tell that Sion is surprised by it, but he's strangely… calm? That ring's brand is expensive, and would certainly warrant a stronger reaction than Sion's lukewarm disapproval. Like it's not a big deal.
Shouldn't it be?
Yushi's heart flies across his ribcage like a bird released from chains. It hasn't felt this way to this extent in a long time.
Is this what girls feel when their boyfriends buy them expensive gifts?
Is it normal for your friends to break their jewelry for a bottle of cider?
Is Yushi even allowed to feel this way?
Too many questions in his head.
Yushi eventually gets the bottle open, because Sion's effort with his ring did release the cap enough for it to be able to be pried off with his hands. The cider tastes deliciously sweet, refreshing, and goes down easy unlike his resurfaced feelings for Sion.
When they make eye contact, Sion giggles. Giggles like he isn't actively causing Yushi's biggest crisis in months.
"It's just water."
Huh?
Yushi feels the need to correct him. "No, it's cider."
Sion looks intrigued, so Yushi hands him the bottle to drink. He takes a sip, nods in approval at the taste, and hands it back to Yushi.
But, hold on.
Sion thought it was water?
Did Sion break his very costly ring for what he thought was a bottle of water, something that costs such an insignificant amount in comparison?
Either Oh Sion is the most irresponsible person known to man, or he's determined to have Yushi wrapped around his fingers. Because why?
Why go to such lengths?
Even after all this time, Yushi still doesn't fully understand Sion. He doesn't know what to think anymore.
Ah. But he does know someone who's better at this feelings-stuff than he is.
An outlet, that's what he needs.
Yushi lifts the curtain to the purikura booth and finds Riku and Daeyoung hard at work decorating the group's photos. Because they're still recording for a video, Yushi settles for tugging on the bottom of Riku's sweater, the sign for I want to hang out later and talk once we're free from the cameras.
One of Riku's hands swat Yushi's wrist away, the sign for sure, I'll meet you there.
The moment they finish sightseeing in Fukui, the group is carted off to Kanazawa to begin preparing for tomorrow's concert.
Rehearsals are over, meaning Yushi is rapid tapping on Riku's hotel door.
Riku, unimpressed, opens it. "You don't have to do that when you know I'm already waiting for you."
"Sorry."
Yushi steps inside and the door closes.
He barely gets to the chairs and table before Riku starts talking.
"Is this about Sion-hyung?"
Yushi wants to collapse into the floor. "Am I that obvious?"
They both take a seat at the table.
"Figured that something was happening while Daeyoung and I were editing the photos," Riku says, pushing some of his uneaten snacks towards Yushi. "I saw you got the bottle open."
"You laughed at me earlier for not being able to open it."
"I called you cute."
"You didn't help."
"So how did you get the bottle to open?"
Yushi looks down and away. "Sion-hyung opened it for me."
Riku's stare bores into him like lasers on his face. "How did he open it? None of us had a bottle opener with us."
Just thinking about it makes Yushi want to scream. For Riku to pick his brain like this, it opens the floodgates to the dam of everything weighing on him from day one.
He puts his face in his hands as if that would protect him from the cruel reality of life.
"I love Sion-hyung."
No one says anything for a moment, which Yushi would normally find comforting if he weren't baring his most guarded secret. He feels heat spread to his eyes like he might cry again, for the umpteenth time, dammit. He doesn't move until he feels Riku's hands gently pry his away from his face.
The expression on Riku looks like something akin to sadness and understanding.
Yushi finds the courage to keep talking.
"He opened the bottle with his ring, Riku. It broke. He wears Chrome Hearts. You wear it too, and it costs a lot, right? On a two-hundred-fifty yen soda, he broke his Chrome Hearts ring."
The grip on Yushi's hands tighten.
"Yuu-chan…"
"We're not… supposed to fall in love, right?" Yushi's head hangs low in defeat. "It's a disaster for idols. But Sion-hyung keeps doing these things for me, with me, I don't know, and they make no sense to me. My heart can't take it anymore."
He looks up.
"Do you like hyung that way too?"
Riku sputters, and his face morphs into one of incredulousness.
"Okay, Yuu-chan, you can't just say something so hilarious after pouring your heart out to me."
Was it really that funny?
Riku lets go of one of Yushi's hands to poke at his frown. "I might not be able to make eye contact with him, but I don't have a crush on him like that."
That's confusing.
Yushi's frown only deepens. "How?"
Riku leans his body back in his chair and looks up in thought. "When I look at him, it's not that certain heart-pounding way to me. Honestly, I just don't do well in front of cute guys, especially ones like hyung who know how pretty they are, and get all up in your face for fun. I enjoy being the one making them flustered instead."
Yushi blinks. "… Is that why with Daeyoung, you—"
Riku's head snaps towards him, eyes widened. "Ah. Um. Yeah."
This is news to Yushi.
"Do you… like Daeyoung?"
Riku's cheeks flush at the question, and he smiles shyly as he answers, "I do."
"In the same way that I feel about Sion-hyung?"
"In the same way that you feel about Sion-hyung."
Yushi is comforted at the confession. He's not in this alone.
"When did you know?" Yushi asks.
More snacks get pushed into Yushi's direction.
"That's a long story, but I must have known since early after I came back from my hiatus. It was… a lot to process at the time," Riku explains. "We talked a lot while I was gone, with him calling or texting almost daily to tell me about what you all did that day. And one time, I went online and saw what he'd been doing on the last tour. Leaving an empty spot for me whenever you guys took photos at the end of the concerts."
Yushi thinks back to all of the heart poses they did for photos, and how Daeyoung would always be on the end to leave half of his heart incomplete.
Riku, the other half of his heart.
"Being included meant so much to me, that I felt funny just thinking about him. Then that puppy welcomed me back with the prettiest smile on his face," Riku muses, grinning at the memory. "How could I not fall for him?"
In retrospect, it doesn't come as a surprise. They always gravitated towards one another from the beginning, and some… things gave off the vibe of being natural beyond fanservice for the camera, because it happened that way at home, too.
Hearing someone else recount their way to love makes it feel less like an enemy, and more like a luxury. To be able to spend most of his time with someone that makes him this happy, Riku must enjoy loving Daeyoung.
Ah, but…
"Does Daeyoung know?"
At that, Riku leans his elbows on the table as if sharing a secret. "Technically, I haven't told him, but I think he knows. Daeyoung-ie isn't exactly… subtle about his own feelings either."
"So he likes you back…"
"It sounds embarrassing when you say it out loud," Riku whines. "It's just… having the label of boyfriends or whatever doesn't actually bother me too much. Not when I can see him every day, and be with him as much as I want. It'll happen when it happens."
He makes it sound simple.
"You're so…" Yushi waves his hands around, "cool about it."
"Am I?"
"I don't know. It's just not what I expected, I guess."
Riku tilts his head and looks at Yushi through his bangs. "Having a typical romance would be nice. We could go on dates, hold hands, kiss whenever we want to. But nothing about our job is typical, is it? That's why I'm okay with being ambiguous right now. He might be anxious about it too. When he makes a move, then I'll meet him halfway."
Yushi doesn't say anything, fidgeting with a milk candy wrapper.
"My approach probably isn't best the solution for you, though."
Eh?
"You're the kind of person that would rather have terms clearly defined, right?."
Yushi nods.
"And these things you say that Sion-hyung does for you, which apparently include breaking an expensive ring for your soda bottle, make no sense to you, and that uncertainty is what's making you so restless."
Another nod.
"In spite of that, you're in love with him."
Yushi bites his lip and swallows.
Riku gives him a sympathetic look. "Why don't you ask him about it?"
At the thought, Yushi simply wants to vanish and never return.
Yushi's shoulders slump. "I… don't think Sion-hyung sees me as anything special."
Riku frowns. "What do you mean?"
"I mean, he helps everyone, right? Whether it's the choreography, directing us, ordering food for us, he does things for all of us, always."
Sion is a leader is every sense of the word.
From before debut until now, Sion's ability to make responsibility look easy has to be the eighth Wonder of the World. He steps up like it's as natural as breathing, taking on the burden of being everyone's lifeline when he himself is going through this for the first time like the rest of them. As an individual, Sion is compassionate, admirable, and acts with integrity in everything he does.
Yushi would have been envious of him as trainees if he wasn't already on the receiving end of Sion's altruism.
How many times has Sion spoken up for him when he couldn't speak? Even after Yushi spent enough time in Korea to being well-past fluency, Sion doesn't continually expect Yushi to talk. Sometimes Yushi doesn't want to talk, or he can't that day, and Sion, always Sion, would be there to be his mouthpiece.
And to keep him company during practices late in the night.
And clean his spills when there aren't any napkins around.
And lend him warmth even when he couldn't look Yushi in the eye.
And give him peace when Yushi became overwhelmed to the point of tears.
Like Riku to Daeyoung, how could Yushi not love Sion when he's like this?
"Yuu-chan."
Riku's voice prompts him to look up, and when he does, Riku's brows are creasing and his mouth is twisted into something odd.
"Do you really think that Sion treats us the same way he treats you?"
"Uh… yes?" Why wouldn't he?
Riku stares at him in silence before speaking again, carefully.
"Compared to us, Sion-hyung treats you like royalty."
…
Royalty?
"Let me rephrase that," Riku says, shaking his head. "He gives you special treatment. And before you ask, no, I'm not mad about it. In fact, the others all know that Sion-hyung will put you first before anything."
"Puts me… first?"
Riku groans. "Don't be all dazed now. You really never noticed how you practically have hyung wrapped around your finger?"
Yushi stutters. "I thought he—he was just being nice."
"He is, but," Riku reaches for one of Yushi's hands and holds it firmly, "genuinely, I think you're something else entirely to him." Yushi's ring, the one that bent earlier, twirls under Riku's fingers. "I'm honestly not surprised that he broke his ring to open a soda bottle for you."
It's almost like Sion is treating him like a lover.
Heat rushes to Yushi's face at the thought.
"Whether that means he likes you, or that you're a literal cat in his eyes, I dunno. But don't you think you owe it to yourself to clear up all of this doubt about the way he sees you?"
Whether that means he likes you.
Yushi's heart skips a beat. Could it really be true?
His brain unhelpfully reminds him of Sion doting on the other members. Yet, Riku stated otherwise.
Even if it doesn't turn out to be that way, then at least he would have an answer to the seven-years mystery that is Oh Sion. It would hurt, but he would do his best to cope with it.
Hope starts to bubble deep within him.
"Riku-chan."
Riku perks up with a crooked smile, like he knows that that's all he needs to hear to recognize that Yushi is in a better mood.
"Thanks for listening to me talk, and telling me about your… stuff," Yushi says clumsily.
Riku coos, and gives his hand one last squeeze before standing up. "I'll always lend an ear for you, dummy. It's already rare to hear you talk this much, so of course I'm seizing this opportunity."
"Yeah, yeah."
Yushi stands up from the table and gets pulled into a hug by a very enthusiastic Riku. Once they bid their goodbyes for the night and good lucks for tomorrow's concert, Yushi moves to leave Riku's hotel room, but not before turning around at the gasp Riku makes as he looks down at something on his phone.
"That thing costed eight-hundred-thousand won!?"
+ 1
"Ushi?"
Yushi looks up from where he's sitting on his bed when Sion walks into the room, shutting the door behind him. On second thought, Yushi probably should have tidied his room up a bit before calling Sion over to talk alone. Daeyoung's side of the room is clean as can be, but Yushi still has half of his belongings stuffed into boxes that he's been too lazy to unpack ever since they moved into the new dorm.
If Sion cares about the mess, he doesn't show it as he walks over to sit on Yushi's bed next to him.
"What's wrong? Did something happen?"
Always so attentive to him, like Yushi's well-being is his number one priority.
"You're tense."
He can tell even that. God, Yushi's heart can't take this much longer.
Here goes nothing.
Yushi reaches over to the nightstand beside his bed, and pulls out a small envelope from the top drawer. Turning to a confused Sion, he hands it to him.
"This is for you," Yushi says.
Sion takes one last look at Yushi before carefully opening the envelope along its edge. Reaching inside, he pulls out the contents with a flourish. His eyes widen when he sees it, and a strained noise comes from his mouth.
"What the… you—"
"I put it in an envelope to be neat."
"No, no, I don't care about that. Yushi, why are you giving me money?"
Yushi purses his lips and looks away in embarrassment. Sion looks unnerved to say the least. He's staring at him with increasingly furrowed brows and a huge frown, and Yushi's palms start sweating of their own accord.
"Seven, eight, nine, no, there—there's well over one million won in this stack," Sion says, flipping through the bills.
Did he mess up already?
Ah, what was he thinking, trusting his own ideas?
"Yushi, tell hyung, please? What is this about?"
Sion reaches for Yushi's arm so gingerly, pulling on it to get Yushi to look at him. When Yushi finally looks up, every part of Sion's face is screaming upset to him, that Yushi feels pangs of hurt at the fact that he caused this kind of expression on the person he loves the most.
Yushi lowers his eyes again, but he begins talking.
"It's—it's the money I owe you."
That doesn't do anything to quell Sion's visible distress.
"You don't owe me anything, what do you mean?"
"The money is for all of the times you broke something while helping me," Yushi says, at the loudest volume he can muster in his shrinking state. "Do you remember the ring, the headphones, that shirt, the other shirt, or the shoes from a long time ago? They got ruined and it's my fault, so… so this is the money to replace them. I, um, tried to remember what kinds of brands you wore, but I couldn't remember them all, sorry. The money is a guess at how much they cost so it's not exact—"
A choked sound cuts Yushi off.
Then it erupts into the loudest laughter he has ever heard at point blank range.
Yushi can only stare, bewildered, at Sion throwing his head back and landing on Yushi's soft sheets and absolutely guffawing with the energy of someone who has just heard the greatest joke ever conceived by mankind.
He is suddenly very grateful that the only ones in the dorm at the moment are him and Sion. Sakuya would probably hit the wall to tell Sion to shut up, Ryo would yell at Sakuya for whacking on the property, and they would all get a noise complaint from their neighbors. Again.
When Sion is done laughing, he sits up from the bed and wipes his eyes, taking a moment to collect himself.
"…It's not exactly the right amount—"
"Stop, stop! You're so funny, Ushi-ya," Sion reprimands with a smile.
Yushi pouts. "At least let me finish."
Sion moves closer to Yushi, which makes him want to back away. He almost does, but Sion touches his wrist before he can.
"You don't need to pay me back for anything."
Yushi frowns in protest. "But it's my fault that you broke your things."
Sion shakes his head.
"You've been thinking about this a lot, right? I'm sorry. Hyung is sorry, for making you feel like you had to repay him for this."
He turns his entire body to sit facing Yushi's direction on the bed. So, Yushi does the same, and moves to sit on his bed until he and Sion are facing each other.
There's little to hide behind at this point.
Sion's eye contact on him burns intense, but something in Yushi tells him not to look away.
A deep breath, before Sion speaks again.
"I don't really care about the things that broke, Ushi. If they break, they break. Look, I'm even wearing the ring, see?" Sion holds out his hand for Yushi to see, bent ring and all. It's pitifully loose on Sion's finger. "So don't give me money for it, okay? I helped you those times and I don't regret it. Think of it as fulfilling my leader duties."
Leader duties.
Is it really the case?
Yushi fidgets with Sion's broken ring. "I don't believe you."
Sion's smile drops. "Huh?"
"If it's just leader duties, then why don't you go to such lengths for the others?"
Nothing is said immediately, so Yushi keeps talking.
"What do you see in me?" he asks.
The silence is a cold contrast to the boisterous laughs from just a few moments ago. Yushi lets go of fidgeting with the ring to let him think, but then Sion is enclosing their hands together to trap them, holding them. Sion's hand wearing the bent ring, and Yushi's bare, pristine hand.
Ba-dump.
Yushi curses the simplicity of his heart, being so easily affected by the touch.
The setting sun that filters in through the blinds illuminates Sion in hues of gold and orange. Across their hands, the light catches on the metal of the ruined ring, and it looks beautiful.
"You're really going to make me spill everything, huh?"
Those words sound scathing, but when Yushi looks into Sion's eyes, he sees something closer to warmth. Longing.
Is it foolish of Yushi to hope it's love?
A thumb caresses the back of Yushi's hand.
"If it weren't for you, I don't know if I would have made it this far."
Yushi opens his mouth to object, but Sion continues before he can say anything.
"When we were trainees, there was a time when new people were coming in every week. I kept saying hello to everybody, because it felt nice to make new trainee friends when I didn't know many people in Seoul yet. I had the mindset that we were all in this together, and we'd share snacks, drinks, help each other out on the dances we were struggling with. Share vocal tips, teach Korean etiquette to the foreigners, all of that bonding stuff."
Yushi nods. The earliest days of his trainee period were some of the hardest, but the feeling of camaraderie was there, even when he wasn't able to make those same friends Sion did.
Sion grins, but then it drops as quickly as it was formed. "One by one, those trainee friends left the company. I'd greet new people the same as before, wanting to make friends again, but then they would leave too. As time went on, I barely had any friends who stayed. So I stopped saying hello to the new trainees."
Sion is the one who starts fidgeting with Yushi's hand. Yushi lets it happen.
"When our friends debuted without us, I almost felt betrayed. It was never their fault, but at the time, it was like being abandoned, all over again. The only thing keeping me sane back then was the fact that I wasn't in this alone."
Yushi's breath hitches.
"The only person that never left me behind after all those years was you."
Sion's head hangs low, no longer looking at Yushi's face. Still, Yushi listens, always.
"You were the only person that could understand exactly what I felt, because it happened to you, too. You were there even before I joined, and the very definition of a star trainee. So when we got pushed into participating in that survival show, I wanted to become closer to you. Closer than polite greetings in the practice rooms, or the cheeseballs I bought when your Korean wasn't good yet."
Yushi blushes at the memory of their first meeting.
"Practicing and performing nonstop back then was some of the hardest weeks of my life, but it was worth pushing through the pain because I got to learn a little bit more about you at soondae restaurants or walks by the Han River. The fact that we debuted together, after all that time, meant everything."
A sniffle emerges, perking Yushi up in alarm to reach for a tissue, before Sion pulls on his arm to sit back down. At a loss for what to do, Yushi simply shuffles closer until their knees touch.
Truthfully, he wants to do more. Sion doesn't cry easily, so for him to be brought to tears talking about his struggles back then… how long had he been holding this part of him in?
Yushi suddenly remembers the one other time Sion cried—last year, in front of fans, after Yushi had spoken about his trainee days. The turbulent days only they understand.
"I love everyone. Achieving my dreams with a group of people I can call my dearest friends, who I am proud of every day, is more than I can ask for. Looking after the people I care about is natural. But…"
Sion squeezes Yushi's hand and looks up, and Yushi's heart catches in his throat at the unshed tears brimming in Sion's eyes. Sion says it sincerely:
"I feel like if I don't protect you, then I'll lose the only constant I've ever had in my life."
Yushi's words leave him. Because truly, what do you say to that?
Yushi regrets not committing the interviews to memory. Everything Sion has said about him points to him being such a precious existence to his hyung and Yushi's entire being positively, resolutely, soars.
Loving Sion isn't even a question anymore, he realizes. This warm, itchy, buzzing feeling he got in his brain-to-heart pathway whenever Sion spoke to him before always had a name—from day one, it was called love.
The kind of love that makes him want to spend the rest of his life with Sion, to be the constant in each other's lives.
Enough of this.
Yushi pulls Sion's hand forward to crush him into a hug. Sion yelps, surprised, but then he laughs and wipes his eyes a little.
"Ushi, are you cold?"
Yushi voices a soft denial, laying his head on Sion's shoulder. The hug is warm, secure between them, and it only takes seconds before Sion buries his head into Yushi's neck. It's been a while since they had a moment like this. They rock back and forth a little, before Yushi speaks with newfound boldness.
"Do you like me, hyung?"
Sion freezes still as ice. The laugh that comes after sounds feigned.
"I like you a lot. You're an amazing friend—"
"No. Do you like me like a boyfriend or girlfriend?"
The hug lasts shorter than Yushi would like, with Sion breaking it to hold Yushi by the shoulders in front of him. His expression is a mix of skepticism and amusement.
Yushi won't back down.
"Ushi, you asked that in such a funny way," Sion says, like he doesn't quite believe him.
Yushi pouts. "I want to know if you have a crush on me."
"How will I know you won't hate me after I give you my honest answer?" Sion jokes.
"Because I love you."
Sion's eyes widen. His grip on Yushi's shoulders twitch, like he's torn between letting go and holding him tighter.
"Like… like a friend, or—"
"Like a boyfriend," Yushi says. Heat spreads to his cheeks, but he doesn't stop holding eye contact with Sion, who's starting to sweat under his gaze. "I love you, hyung. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, if that's okay."
Sion blinks, eyes wider than ever. All at once, Yushi is struck with shyness. He's in too deep now to take it back.
"You make me really happy, and you take good care of me, so… please say something."
It has the complete opposite effect of rendering Sion speechless. The longer he stares like a deer in headlights, the more Yushi's resolve crumbles.
Was this a mistake? Should he have—
"Are you trying to make me cry again?"
Ah, he screwed up.
Yushi looks away. "If you don't feel the same, it's okay."
Sion pulls Yushi into a hug he doesn't expect. It's strong and warm, like Sion doesn't want to let go.
Yushi is perplexed, but he struggles in an attempt to break free. Against him, Sion barely budges, which challenges Yushi to fight back harder, until they both end up tumbling onto Yushi's bed sheets.
Suddenly, Yushi feels a kiss on his forehead.
"Hyung…" Yushi whines.
It doesn't stop Sion, who's decided that he's gone on the offense and is now planting dozens of kisses to Yushi's head like a baby, swaying them both back and forth before landing more kisses to random areas of forehead, hair, and ears. Yushi's feeble attempts at backing away from the onslaught only move him further up the bed, until he's smushed against his pillows at Sion's mercy.
"Ah, hyung, it tickles!"
"You're just too cute, you know that?"
Sion finally stops his attack and settles for laying on the bed and holding Yushi in an embrace. Yushi fights the instinct to curl into it. He still hasn't heard an answer yet.
"You practically proposed to me without even asking me out first," Sion giggles.
Oh.
"Did I say it like that?" Yushi asks.
"Telling someone you love them like a boyfriend and that you want to spend the rest of your life with them sounds like a marriage proposal to me."
Sion is smirking, and Yushi thinks it's annoying.
"I still mean it," Yushi says.
The smirk falters, which counts as a victory in Yushi's book. It's replaced by a more softer, more bashful expression on Sion's handsome face.
"I've always loved you the same way."
Yushi can't stop the blush that spreads across his cheeks.
"I feel like," Sion starts, redness blooming across his own face, "I already confessed to you myself when I told you all of that stuff."
Yushi pouts.
"Say it properly. How was I supposed to know that was a confession?"
Sion laughs, a genuine sweet thing. "Sorry. Hyung will try to be more clear."
Then he rises off of the bed with his arms caging Yushi in below him.
Yushi's heart thumps like mad against his ribcage.
"I love you, Yushi. For a long time, everything around us has been so uncertain. But if there is something I've always been certain of, it's the way you make me feel. If you'll have me, I want to stay by your side and protect you always, as your boyfriend, husband, or whatever you'd like to call me."
Why even ask at this point?
Yushi reaches up to hold Sion's face in his hands. Sion nuzzles into it.
"You're mine."
They both chuckle at the declaration.
"I'm yours," Sion says.
He lowers himself until he's right in front of Yushi's face.
"Can I kiss you? I've… always wanted to do that."
Sion looks so shy and adorable that Yushi feels the urge to tease him.
Just this once.
"No," Yushi replies.
Before Sion can look too distraught, Yushi takes advantage of his surprise to roll them over until he's straddling Sion under him.
Yushi places his hands on either side of Sion. "I want to be the one to kiss you instead."
Sion looks him up and down, grinning as his competitive streak has officially been challenged.
"Hyung is going to kiss you first."
The ensuing battle for first kiss is nothing short of absurd. It's the kind of play-wrestling you'd expect from people half their age—and yet, Yushi loves it. They're laughing with mirth as they're determined to gain the upper hand pushing away each other's faces and simultaneously going in for the kiss. Eventually, they start making full use of Yushi's mattress and moving back, surging forward in attack, jumping to dodge incoming attacks, until they're full-blown standing on the bed.
Sion, with the stance of a cocky pro wrestler, jumps and tackles a giggling Yushi into the pillows like his life depends on it.
The resounding snap! coming from behind the bed stops them in place. Then, the top of the bed dips downwards, sliding Yushi and Sion ever so slightly forwards. Sion reflexively presses a hand to the top of Yushi's head, stopping him from colliding with the headboard.
Yushi would be charmed by it if not for the utter nonsense that just happened.
"Did—did you just break my bed frame?" Yushi asks.
Sion looks dumbfounded. "I. Um. I might've broken your bed."
Another cracking sound from somewhere mocks them.
"I am so sorry."
Sion looks genuinely apologetic and startled. Just when he starts looking off to the side to check for damages, Yushi takes the chance.
He grabs Sion by the cheeks and kisses him on the lips.
Sion makes a sound of surprise, but then he melts into kiss with equal vigor. It's slow, sweet, and kind of clumsy with Yushi not knowing what to do about their teeth or where exactly to move his lips, but it's so uniquely them that he wouldn't trade it for the world.
When they part, they both take a moment to just bask in the silence of each other.
Yushi smiles. "I win."
Sion blinks. Then, he laughs, tucking himself into the crook of Yushi's neck.
His place to be.
"You've bested me, Tokuno Yushi."
They both laid entangled in Yushi's broken bed, uncaring about the awkward angle and unwilling to move from each other's arms.
"Are you sure you don't want to be roommates with me?" Sion asks.
Yushi shakes his head. "We already told the fans our dorm arrangement, so it'd be fishy if all of a sudden it turned out we roomed together instead. Besides, you wanted the room alone because you like your space."
"I like Ushi's space, too."
Sion giggles when Yushi slaps his leg.
"Also… I don't know if I want the managers to find out," Yushi says.
Sion nods in understanding, and doesn't question it.
Seconds pass in silence before Sion perks up in another thought.
He turns to look at Yushi and smirks.
"Since your bed is broken at the moment, why not use mine?"
Yushi blushes. "Are you planning something dirty?"
Sion's grin grows wider. "I was just thinking that you should come sleep in my bed while you wait for a new bed frame to arrive. What dirty things are you thinking of?"
The man has the audacity to cackle while Yushi's face burns with embarrassment. Yushi turns away from Sion to sulk in tiny protest.
Once Sion is done laughing, he pulls Yushi impossibly closer towards him that it looks like they'll become one, at this rate. Yushi's moping ends in record time, because he turns his body to snuggle into Sion's embrace, again.
Savoring each other's warmth, they fit perfectly together.
Forever sounds wonderful when it's with Oh Sion.