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Welcome, trainer! If you’re reading this… then you royally fucked up. Yeah. You. Fucked. UP. Want me to explain? Oh, for certain! And in case you’re wondering who I am… well, shut up, because it doesn’t matter. Also, I’m not apologizing for bombshelling you with my sophisticated language. After the crap YOU pulled that ended up with you fucking (yes, FUCKING) a Shiny Gardevoir, you don’t deserve much in the realm of sympathy. You may not remember much of anything because the Gardevoir in question, the mischievous horny blue bitch, has a nasty penchant for unleashing Psychic-type attacks on you when you shamelessly get freaky with it. What a surprise that you’d wake up confused enough that I have to sully my reputation associating with a fucking PERVERT like you.
Lost you already? I bet I did, though it’s not as bad as you losing a simple battle against a wild Pokémon… and then losing your virginity to said Pokémon in gloriously, ludicrously disgusting fashion. But rather than continue to berate you like you know you deserve, you naughty, NAUGHTY boy… I’ll just go ahead and give you a not-so-quick, but VERY dirty recap of your… honestly impressive series of bumbling mistakes. Sooo… here we go…
*ABOUT TWO WEEKS PRIOR*
So, it all started when this adorably clumsy trainer, a relatively tall and slender, fair-skinned young man, first set out on his journey through the Hoenn region to become the next bigshot Pokémon master. Right. And despite the fact that you had to Surf your way from Pacifidlog Town of all places (the absolute WORST place in Hoenn to live, by the way) all the way to Littleroot to pick yourself up a Treecko to start your adventure with, no one could tell you anything. A Cooltrainer by trainer class (but certainly not in aura or finesse), you slept in your sporty red-and-white tracksuit for DAYS in anticipation to get the ball rolling on becoming the very best like no one ever was.
Your journey, for the most part, was pretty substandard and unspectacular. You struggled, stumbled, and failed your way upward through town after town, fast-tracking your way through after some other trainer went and saved the region from an environmental gang war that nearly caused the end of the world through the awakening of three ancient sleeping weather deities by the names of Kyogre, Groudon, and Rayquaza. I wish I could tell you THAT story instead, but YOU’RE not that trainer. And so, what we’re left with as far as YOU go, is the tale of a guy who skipped through half the goddamn region starting with you waltzing through the recently unblocked Rusturf Tunnel after barely beating that stuck-up teacher’s pet Roxanne, catching a few overleveled monsters that carried you to a cheap, flukey win over that undoubtedly sexy, but equally incompetent bimbo Flannery, and then convincing some jackass who happened to have the Balance badge to Surf you past Mauville to tumble your way through Fortree City without even BOTHERING to deal with Winona and that goofy ass flighty winged diaper suit she wears… on account of you picking a fucking TREECKO as your starter. Jesus… I mean, it’s a cool Pokémon and all, but it’s easily the WORST of the three. I’d ask why, but… I know who I’m talking to, so I’m not wasting my breath feeding you knowledge that you should’ve had when you started this dumb adventure. Anyway, as far as where this level of laziness and ineptitude got you…
“TREECKO! USE POUND!” You command your little green Wood Gecko as you and some punk kid in a stupid-looking hat, T-shirt, and shorts engage in a short, honestly VERY boring battle in the windy, grassy plains just west of Lilycove city. Don’t even ask me how you made it THIS far without actually evolving the damn thing, or even teaching it a SINGLE Grass-type move. As far as how that worked, by the way…
“TANK IT AND USE FLAMETHROWER, CAMERUPT!” the snot-nosed punk shouted, grinning with glee at the prospect of fleecing an idiot Cooltrainer out of some cold, hard cash. Also, yes. You used a Treecko against a FUCKING Camerupt. Good job.
“RUUUUUPTOOOAAAAH!” the gigantic, volcano-humped, red-furred camel hollered before letting loose a tower of flames from its maw that pretty much cooked your Treecko into jerky before it even knew what was happening.
“Damn…! I can’t lose to this Youngster after all my hard work and sacrifice getting this far!” you proudly proclaim, prompting other nearby trainers surrounding you to eye you up and down as you whip out your Premier Ball to call your useless starter back. Why is it in a Premier Ball? Who the fuck knows? Anyway, after you lied your ass off about hard work and tried to play off your boneheaded mistake, you swap Trashcko out for a fucking Aggron. Yes, an AGGRON. We skipped over you getting your hands on this massive, metallic monstrosity that runs around looking like the final boss of a Mortal Kombat game and smashing everything it sees into piles of rubble and regret, but let me tell you… This motherfucker… REALLY doesn’t like you. I mean, neither do I, but still.
“Dude, you DO know that my Camerupt has Earthquake, don’t you?” the annoying child smugly reminds you, giggling as he crosses his arms in full expectation to send your stupid ass back to Pacifidlog where all the other inept failures in the Hoenn region end up. Especially that demented dipshit that does nothing but stare out of his window looking for some imaginary island that supposedly just magically zips in and out of existence when it feels like. Fuckin’ morons out there just roasting in the sun and hallucinating all day as they live stranded in their backwoods water raft ‘town,’ man… Er, anyway…
“SHUT UP, KID! Go ahead and use WHIRLPOOL!” you command, throwing the other trainer WAY off as your giant fortress of iron and seething anger glares at you before reluctantly obeying your insipid command.
“What? Whirlpool? You DO know that Aggron doesn’t--!” he tried to argue before the bitter behemoth quietly SUMMONED UP A MILE-HIGH TORNADO OF WATER AND SENT IT CAREENING TOWARD THE FRIGHTENED CAMERUPT!
“CAMEH! CAMERUUUUUUUUUAAAAAARRHGH!” The poor, stupid Camerupt howled out in agony as it took 4x Super Effective damage from an opponent it was set up to be unstoppable against. The Camerupt fainted, of course, collapsing to the ground before being called back into its ball by its obnoxious trainer… who then began sobbing as he sprinted past you while throwing his last bit of pocket change into the air for some ungodly reason.
“BWUUUAAAAHAAAAAGH! YOU’RE A FUCKING CHEATER-HER-HERRRRRRRR!” the spoiled little scrub wailed out as though that Aggron stomped on his toes. Whelp… there you go, asshole. Bullying little kids into giving you money by getting illegal moves onto Pokémon that had NO business knowing them. Thank God you had a copy of Heartgold and a copy of White 2 to get this absolute bullshit from Johto and Unova onto your team. Because you couldn’t just catch a regular Aggron the normal way. Fuckin’ noob… By the way, you actually CAN do this as far as Gen 6 is concerned. But nobody with a brain would even BOTHER putting Whirlpool on an Aggron. But then again, you’re here, so…
“YES! Heh! I won fair and square!” You lie again as you wear a shit-eating grin and flash a triumphant peace sign toward no one in particular as the other trainers in the area, mostly Gentlemen, Sailors, and Aroma Ladies, scowl in contempt at your deceit and dishonor. You didn’t care, however, as you then march along while that Aggron secretly contemplates squashing you flat before sighing and simply trudging along after you because you forgot to put it back in the Cherish Ball that it was NOT SUPPOSED TO BE IN ANYWAY. Nevertheless, the other trainers don’t even bother with you because you’ve made the rounds across the region as a known breaker of rules and ignorer of boundaries. “Alright, so who’s… N-next…?” you ask, your enthusiasm quickly turning into bewilderment as all the other trainers decided to actually LEAVE the area to avoid you stealing THEIR money as well.
“…Huh. Guess they must’ve been intimidated by my godlike aura,” you arrogantly assume, causing even your Aggron to roll its eyes in exhaustion and contempt.
“Gron, Gron… Aggron…!” your Pokémon protested, though you have no idea what the fuck it was saying. As such…
“I know, Butterface!” you… agree or something, going as far as to address the poor thing with a nickname it NEVER asked for, prompting it to glare at you like it planned on using ANOTHER illegal move to burn you to cinders. “We’re the best team in the world! You, me, Treecko, AND the random Feebas we picked up on the way here!” you further brag as you waste no time picking up the money you swindled off some innocent child… Although… HOW THE INCOHERENT, GAGGLY, CHARIZARD-FRIED FUCK DID YOU GET A FEEBAS!? You DO know those elusive sons of bitches can only be found in one route in the ENTIRE REGION, can only be found by fishing, AND have the lowest encounter rate by far, right!? Ah, never mind… Getting triggered. Anyway…
“…Groooooaaaaannnn…!” Butterface the bitter Aggron groaned… or rather, Gronned as it sighed and just went along with your incalculable foolishness.
“Although, I’m thinking we could use another party member. Maybe something to help Treecko out with… hm? What the heck is that?” you ask after your bout of pondering what unfortunate soul would disgrace itself being part of your team. But as you look past the nearby bushes lining the grassy mountainside… There it was. THERE… IT… FUCKING… WAS! “H-holy SHIT! That… Th-that’s a **SHINY!** Dude, we’ve GOTTA CATCH THAT THING NOW!” you urge, though it was tough to figure out what you meant by ‘we’ve’ when you’re the only person in the area, and it was clear that Butterface wasn’t listening. Anyhow…
“Hm…?” the elusive alternately colored Pokémon, a certain slender, graceful almost princess-like being of alabaster and minty blue whose dress flowed in the wind like a glorious flag, hummed as it turned around and cast its orange eyes onto you. Its sparkling blue… h-hair, or helmet, or whatever shining in the afternoon sunlight, the untamed creature locked its focus on you… with a suspicious blushing smile on its face as it seemed to be VERY interested in what it saw. “Ooh~! This one’s a total cutie…” it… SPOKE? Erm… Oooookay…? I mean, I guess I should’ve read my notes on that, but… sure. A Shiny Pokémon… that talked. Rrrright… Anyway…
“Hey, Gardevoir! You’re mine! Go, Ultra Ball!” you loudly and unnecessarily shout as you sprint your eager self over with a Great Ball in hand (Yes, the green one with the red accents on it and NOT the black one with the yellow stripes) and fling the wrong ball at the Shiny Gardevoir.
“Ah… He’s not nearly as bright as he is cute, but… I think I can work with that… Lmao…” the wild Pokémon, revealed to be a Gardevoir (which normally can’t even be found in the wild in Hoenn, bee-tee-dubz), acknowledged as it raised its long, thin, blue arm and swatted the Not-Ultra Ball away with hardly any effort. Oh, and… the Gardevoir’s voice came off as light and sweet like a dainty noble who chose their every word very carefully… s-sort of.
“Holy crap! It knocked away my Ultra Ball before it could even work!” you incorrectly assert as you stopped just a few feet away from your target with your uninterested Aggron following suit. “Looks like we’ll have to battle it, then. Come on, Butterface!” you command, looking at Aggron as it scowls at you again.
“Pffftt, hahahahahaaah! You named that poor thing ‘Butterface!?’ Wow, that’s so mean! LOL!” the Gardevoir cackled out loud, instantly revealing its secret as it doubled over, pointed, and laughed at the steely behemoth. In response, Butterface glowered at the Gardevoir hard enough that crooked streaks of red began to form in the sclera of its blue eyes. Methinks this Aggron was reaching the limits of its patience… but I digress. Anyway…
“Wait, WHAT!? Dude… A Shiny Pokémon that can flipping TALK!? Oh, I’ve GOT to make you mine!”
“Oh? You wanna take me, handsome~?” the Gardevoir stopped its jeering long enough to flirtatiously remark, blushing once again as it stared at you. “Funny you should mention that… I’ve been looking for a ‘partner’ for quite a while myself, but no one’s really caught my attention before now… I’m hoping you’ll be a worthy fit… Lol,” it kept on talking, striking a rather seductive pose that should’ve tipped you off RIGHT AWAY that something was amiss about this particular creature. And yet…
“Gron! AaaaAAAAggronnn!” Butterface hollered at you while pointing at the Gardevoir, its face CLEARLY full of discomfort… or rather, utter disgust as it wasted its breath on untrained ears trying to warn you.
“Yeah, that’s the spirit! Go ahead and use Fury Cutter, Butterface!” you eagerly command, shooting a smiling look of determination at your target. Only, instead of doing what you asked…
“GRAAAOOWAAD-DAMN IT!” the highly agitated Aggron, upon hearing that ridiculous nickname for the umpteenth time, flipped right the fuck out hard enough that it LEARNED TO SPEAK! It then grabbed your hacked Cherish Ball right off your belt, CRUSHED IT in its giant, meaty, metal paws to temporarily highlight itself in a blue glow… and then, it turned around and fucked right off to parts unknown over the mountainside. And in case you don’t understand what happened, you pissed your Aggron off enough that it RELEASED itself back into the wild with two illegal moves despite it not even originally BEING from Hoenn.
“H-hey! What are you doing!? You can’t just… Awgh, great…” you gripe, barely giving it any effort trying to reclaim your cheated Pokémon. “That’s the fifth Pokémon that’s done that since I started my journey…”
“Fifth!? Goodness, you must be a REALLY bad Pokémon Trainer to accomplish THAT wonderful feat,” the Gardevoir laughingly teased yet again. “And yet, I remain curious as to how much more you’re gonna royally screw this up lmao…”
“Hmph. No matter. I’ve still got YOU, Treecko!” you forgetfully declare as you grab your Premier Ball and release… the blackened, unconscious form of the pathetic gecko you let faint to a Flamethrower barely fifteen minutes before. The little lizard didn’t even utter a cry as it flopped to the ground, barely breathing because you forgot to give it a Revive. Jesus… “Ah. Right. Um… well, shoot. All I have left, then… is YOU, TickleMeNuts!” you… uh… y-you… you’ve gotta be FUCKING kidding me. There is not a SNORUNT’S CHANCE INSIDE OF MOUNT GODDAMN CHIMNEY that you named your Feebas that. The hell did that thing ever do to you? ASSHOLE!
“BHAAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAAAAH! Oh, my Arceus-Mew-Rhydon-Bulbasaur!” the Gardevoir busted out laughing as it fell over on the ground, rolling in the grass with tears in its eyes. “This guy’s an actual TROLL! LMFAO!” it… proclaimed, for some reason being fluent enough in English to belt out cringy internet speak… Oh god, this just keeps getting worse…
“Feeeebaaaassssssss…!” the poor, ugly grayish-brown fish hissed as it uselessly flopped and flailed all over the shrubbery next to the fainted Treecko… y’know, because it was a FUCKING FISH and you were nowhere near the water to give it a fighting chance. TickleMeNuts the Feebas, by the way, was also glaring at you while you stood there, nervously wiping sweat off your idiot face.
“Um… O-okay, I’m starting to see that I’m… in a bit of a stick wicket here…” you finally realize, though it took you fifty-eight YEARS to pick up on it.
“Ahahahah! Whew… Man, oh, MAN did I need that laugh…” the Gardevoir remarked, picking itself up as it got back into gear. “But yeah, it looks like you lost this ‘battle’ before it even began. This level of incompetence, I swear MUST take talent. ROFL!”
“Uh… w-well, I AM pretty talented, so…”
“N-no, don’t! S-sto-ha-ha-ha-hop~! Oh, my freaking GAWD, dude…! You’re hilarious!” the wild Pokemon kept on finding amusement in your inconceivable stupidity. But then… “I can tell I totally lucked out with a Himbo like you, daddy~!” it… uh… oh, boy… it FLIRTED with you as it cutely wiped a tear from its eye.
“Ahm… ‘Daddy?’”
“Yeah, daddy~! I’m talking to you lol!” the Gardevoir very clearly reiterated as it raised a hand that found itself highlighted in an arcane purple glow… soon after which the Treecko and TickleMeNuts were also highlighted in the same light. And before you knew it, and with a mighty fling of the Gardevoir’s arm, your last two remaining Pokémon were sent HURTLING off to God knows where, never to be seen in this story again. Why? Because this is the part where you made your worst and LAST mistake with no one around to save you. “And there goes the riffraff…”
“Um… I-I KINDA needed those Pok—!”
“Ah… Now that we’re finally alone, I’ll let you in on a little secret…” the Gardevoir hinted as it approached. You try with great futility to turn tail and run, though you find yourself ensnared in its psychic grip before you could even finish the THOUGHT of escaping. “No need to be scared, sweetie~! I just want to… spend some quality time together lol…” it whispered, getting all close and personal as it rested its beautiful whiskered face against your chest and began drawing circles on you while looking directly into your eyes.
“Ah…! Um… b-but I haven’t caught you yet…” you try to remind the wild Shiny Pokémon, though a certain part of you sort of took control of the conversation… when your pants began to twitch and bulge, much to the Gardevoir’s delight.
“Oh, that won’t be necessary, handsome,” the Pokémon asserted as it… trailed its hand down from your chest to your crotch, immediately cupping you and feeling you up to a mixture of astonishment… and pleasure on your part. “Because I’ve already ‘captured’ your interest. And you’ve most certainly caught mine…”
“M-Mmmmmh…~ Um… I-I ah… I’m not er… I-I see what you’re driving at, but… I only want to… t-to catch and train Pokémon, not h-have sex with them…”
“Rrrright. You DO know I can read minds, don’t you? Lmao…” the Gardevoir, a Psychic-type Pokémon, reminded you with a coquettish giggle as she continued to massage your loins.
“Oh. Fffffffuuuuuu…”
“Yeah. And I managed to see ten different ways you fantasized about fucking me… especially the one where you bend me over that guardrail over there and take me from behind…”
“…Y-yeah, well… T-there’s no laws against the Pokémon, Gardevoir… a-and I er… I’ve always had a soft spot for your evolution line…”
“More like a ‘hard’ spot, judging by the feeling of the Onix in your pants, sweetie…~” the Shiny Pokemon taunted once again, this time going as far as to push you down to the ground while you were still paralyzed in its psychic grip. From there, the Gardevoir got on its knees beside you, slipped its blue hand down your trousers, and gave you a light peck on the cheek. “And I think I can make this embarrassing situation worth your while…”
“Ghaaahaaah, oh, s-shoot…! W-wait! I’m… uh…” you fight through your obvious, burgeoning arousal to try and protest before you feel that Gardevoir’s hand-sleeve thing clamp down tightly around a certain phallic object hidden in your track pants. “Ahhm…~ F-fuck, dude…! Is… this really happening right now…?”
“What’s the matter, big boy? Never had your cock sucked by a Pokémon before?” the Gardevoir very, VERY lewdly asked, giggling all the while as it kissed you on the cheek once more before shifting itself downward and gripping the waistband of your pants to pull them down.
“Ah… N-no, I haven’t. I’m… w-well…”
“A virgin? I figured as much when I couldn’t find any memory of yours that had anything to do with a girlfriend. Yet, there’s PLENTY of memories involving you jerking off to pictures of Hex Maniacs and a certain Pokémon Champion from the Sinnoh region… and even a few where you beat your meat to… male Pikachu butts and the fantasy of you being pounded by a Salazzle that has a dick? Wow, lmao… You poor thing~! Your standards are all over the place!” the Gardevoir teased, putting you on blast as though it was ANY surprise that you were THIS much of an abhorrent social reject.
“…The curse of living in a world where privacy, even in your own mind, is more ‘suggestion’ than ‘guarantee…’” you dare to complain as though your moral compass, assuming you ever even HAD one, had finally begun to work for a second.
“If you’re so curious about what it’s like to not be a loser, then let’s change that, lol~!” the Gardevoir ‘excitedly’ suggested as it gave one good tug of your pants to reveal in broad daylight your veiny, thick, throbbing man meat standing at full attention despite you still being caught in a psychic hold you’d long since stopped struggling to break free from. “Oh, wow! You’re bigger than I thought… If you weren’t such a Himbo, I’m sure you’d have fucked a HUNDRED male Pikachu by now, dude!”
“Um… J-just to clarify, I don’t ACTUALLY want to--!”
“I’m not sure if you’ll fit inside me, but… let’s at least lube you up a bit before we find out. Nyaaaaaahm…~” the Shiny Pokémon proclaimed, ignoring the lie you were going to tell about not wanting to fuck loads of mousey, yellow, plump Pikabooty as it got busy with sliding your dong in its mouth. “Hmmmh…~ Mmmyaaah…~ Mmmmm…~” it hummed and huffed as it got to work on fellating you without warning.
“Ghwaahaahahaaaaaah, holy shit…! T-that feels… T-that feels AMAZING~! Hahhh…” you sing and breathlessly moan, immediately succumbing to your pitifully lustful urges, your every instinct to break out and run (of which there were none) melting away in that Gardevoir’s tight, slippery, hot little face hole as it bobbed, and sucked, and stroked, and licked all over your pulsating pole. “Hooh… A-alright, you convinced me. I don’t even care that we’re outside or that you’re a Pokémon…”
“Music to my nonexistent ears, daddy~!” the ecstatic Embrace Pokémon… ch-cheered, as it… oh wait, I… I see now. The EMBRACE Pokémon… Oh, goddamn it… Whelp. That explains a lot. Anyway, this Gardevoir, the certified freak it is, took the liberty of cupping your wrinkly ballsack in one hand while rhythmically stroking your dick with the other as it teased your tip with its tongue. The oddly velvety feeling of its hand gliding up and down your shaft tingled with such vigorous ecstasy that you nearly cum hard enough to warp space-time on the spot as you shiver and writhe in unfathomable pleasure. “Hmm… You like that, darling~?” it asked again, adjusting its hair as it did a mighty fine job of making you into Hoenn’s most infamous sexual deviant.
“Mmh, y-yeah… but I’m getting close, and I’d… i-if you don’t mind, I’d… like to um… t-to…” you stammer, your nerves getting the better of you to the point of Gardevoir noticing and temporarily halting its efforts just as you were about to hit the peak of your illicit arousal. The absolute TORTURE of blue balls, amirite?
“Go on and say it, daddy… What do you wanna do to me lol?” the promiscuous Pokémon sultrily asked (minus the ‘lol’ part) as it resumed it lustfully stared you in the face while edging your boner to the point of potentially bursting in its hands. It paid no mind to the fact that its face was smeared in a mixture of its own spit and your pre-ejaculate, nor to the fact that you were throbbing hard enough to cum like a shotgun blast all over its beautifully furry face.
“…I-I wanna fuck your pussy…” you finally come out and say it. Just like that, you’ve just hit a point of no return, outwardly professing your desire to basically have sex with an animal out in public. Good… fucking… LORD. ‘Shame’ must not be in your vocabulary, you pitiful fuck. The moment you made your lurid request, however, the Shiny Gardevoir sucked in air through its teeth as it made a face of pure apprehension.
“Ooh… Well, I wouldn’t mind you taking me to pound town with this gigantic shmeat, but… there’s a slight issue lmao,” the Gardevoir shared as it released you from its psychic grip, allowing you to climb to your knees. It was there, however, that the Gardevoir stopped you and pressed its hand to your shoulders as it stood before you.
“What’s the issue?” you decide to ask instead of just getting the hell out of there while you had the chance. Fuckin’ A…
“…I’m a guy, rofl!” the wild Pokemon revealed as it… or rather, HE, with a quick pink flash of psychic energy, revealed a… comparatively unimpressive, short but very cute, thick, marble-colored schlong with human proportions… fully erect with a glans colored like the blue in his hair, circumcised (because why the fuck not?), and pointed directly at your troglodyte lips from between his long, skinny twig legs as his balls dangled beneath it. And as the apparently MALE Gardevoir stood over you, smiling with horny glee as he stared at you like he expected you to do something strange… “…Well, daddy? This cock ain’t gonna suck itself lmao. But if you let me cum in your mouth, I’ll let you fuck my tight little horny, shiny femboy ass and become my boyfriend lol…~” he suggested, which is normally where a story like this should end. But you… YOU’RE special. You LIKE pushing the envelope far beyond what people expect of you, even when it costs you your entire reputation. And so…
“Nyagwoommmhh~!” you fully indulge, not even giving it a second thought as you wrap one hand around that Gardevoir’s girly meat stick while grabbing a giant handful of his narrow ass with the other. Taking that dick down like you were using post-Gen 7 Leech Life on it, and MUCH to your new boyfriend’s pleasant surprise, you sucked, slurped, gargled, fondled, and GOBBLED that cock like you were trying to win the world’s hardest (pun intended) wiener-eating contest.
“HmmMMmMMMMYEAAH~! Oh, my gwaaaAAAaAaaawwwd, dadddyyyyyyyyy~! F-fuckin’ RAM this pipe down your throat! Mmmh, I’m harder than the surface of a Metagross right now… Hah~! Ooh, I’m already gonna cum…~” the increasingly desirous Pokémon announced as it grabbed you by the sides of your head and began humping into your mouth as you wrap your otherwise useless lips around its veiny white shaft. Seems you discovered a new talent in the weirdest way possible, though I can’t even PRETEND to be surprised at this point. Despite the fact that you were getting your gag reflex furiously tested, you pick this EXACT moment to show any level of competency in any capacity. Sucks to suck, I guess, but you’re clearly more of an expert on sucking than I could ever want to be.
“Mrrmrrmrrrgh~!” you mumble and moan, causing Gardevoir to shiver in delight as he tenderizes your throat with his chode to the point that you could feel him pulsing with almost every time that eager phallus slid between your saliva and precum-soaked lips. Before you got too carried away and screwed this up, of course…
“HmmmooooOOoOoOOh, Ffffuuuuuuuuck~! Hhaaaaaanh~!” Gardevoir moaned loud and proud, throwing his head back as he swiped his turgid penis out of your mouth and began rapidly jerking it off like he had a rash on it. And within the next second… BLAM! He nutted on your face like he’d never busted a nut before. We’re talking THICK, ROPY, VISCOUS GLOBS of that hot, sticky, pearly white jism just SPLATTERING all across your face as you, for some ungodly reason, kept your mouth wide open to accept your bitter, slithery, salty treat. That pervy Gardevoir really got off on it, too, as he held your face in place with one hand while still beating off with the other as splurt after squirt after splash of his Psychic/Fairy cum drenched your face and your tracksuit. Tell ya what, this Gardevoir came like a fucking HORSE. Of course, all good times must cum (pun intended) to an end as the Shiny Pokémon shivered on the last couple spurts of his boy milk on your chin and nearly collapsed in sweaty, cummy pleasure.
“Ooowagh… Hah… Mmm… Tastes… like pretzels,” you oh-so-observantly remark as if anybody fucking cared… while you also preoccupy yourself with wiping Gardevoir’s jizz off your face and… eugh, a-and fucking EATING it like it was your favorite brand of glue while you look the horny slut in his eye to see him glimmering with post-orgasmic joy at the prospect of you accepting his seed.
“Sorry, I’m a bit of a quick shot… on top of the fact that I’ve spent the better part of the last month edging my boy-clit just for you…” the Gardevoir… very unnecessarily divulged. Um… “Just laying in this field, on my back with my legs spread and my cock in my hand… stroking, and moaning, and fingering my ass all day long while I use my psychic powers to form a pair of lips and tongue to tease my boner with… Oh~! You have no IDEA how much by balls ached before you made me cum for you, daddy…~ Just describing it is making me horny again…~”
“Ya-huh. Totally get it, broski…” you, with all the class of a turd in the street, just mumble out as this fucking weirdo Pokémon pours his heart… as well as his cum out to (and on) you.
“That’s a funny way of saying ‘boyfriend,’ lmao. Is my cum yummy, though, daddy~?” inquired the very male, very shiny, very gay Gardevoir as he continued to stroke his erect, twitching cock in front of you.
“Shoot… I won’t lie, this is WAY better than the protein shakes mom makes at home from her own breastmilk,” you say withou… Wait, what the ACTUAL fuck? Bro, WHO THE FUCK TOLD YOU TO BLURT SOMETHING LIKE THAT OUT!? Did that Gardevoir’s hot, gooey cum have a hint of Hypnosis in it, you absolute dickweed? Every time I think you can’t get stupid enough, you just keep opening your whore mouth and yapping it up!
“Pfffft, wha-ha-ha-haahahahat!? ROTFLMAO, dude, that’s so random!” the Gardevoir, also never knowing when to shut the fuck up, babbled out some more inane 13375p33k as he howled in laughter… while turning around, getting on all fours, and moving his… weird little dress flaps or whatever the fuck those things were out of the way to give you a full view of his tight, glistening, winking pink bootyhole. And as he craned his head back and gave you a suggestive grinning look… “Babe, I totally NEED you decimating this sweet ass RIGHT MEOW, lol! Your sense of humor makes me EXTRA horny…” UGH, the cringe…!
“Well, sheeit, I’m game!” you eagerly accept, making it so you absolutely meet my expectations of you as a human being. Good thing I set my expectations REAL low to avoid being disappointed in a Poképhilic prick like you. Anyway, you wipe more of your new booty boy’s cock gel out of your eyes, take your pants off, shuffle over toward him on your knees with your fully erect boner wobbling in the air… and press the tip of it against his sweet little pucker while grabbing his hip with a hand. Seems you’re about to get lucky today, weirdo.
“Gosh, I wish we had condoms… I’m not sure I’m ready to lay a Pokémon Egg,” the Gardevoir lamented despite being male and therefore not… y’know what? No. I’m not even gonna explain that one. Fuck RIGHT off with THAT shit. ANYWAY… “Also, would you maybe mind loosening me up a bit with your tongue before we continue?” he requests, though he didn’t exactly get a verbal response from you. Wanna guess why, you fucking degenerate?
“Whoomaablooblabblobolorgm…~! Hahaaaaahn~, Mmmmmm…” you huff and moan as you grab two gigantic handfuls of this Gardevoir’s tiny, basically featureless ass, mash your ridiculous face into it, and jam your tongue so far up his sphincter that you could probably taste what he ate for lunch yesterday. Fucking DISGUSTING…
“HOOooOOOOh, YAAAHS~! Fffffuuuuck, it feels like you could hit my PROSTATE with your tongue, sweetieeeeeeenh~!” the Gardevoir howled and hummed loud enough to draw spectators from the VERY MUCH NEARBY Lilycove City, as well as from the entrance to the Safari Zone just a few dozen yards opposite the bustling metropolis. And y’know… you’d normally find yourself surprised at the idea that a group of old women, businessmen, and Pokémon Rangers would peer from the distance and be absolutely APPALLED at the debauchery you’re partaking in, but… of course, you’re too busy literally mixing this Gardevoir’s shit with your tongue like the irredeemable imbecile you are. “Ohn, yesss~! Fuck, I’m gonna cum agaiinnnnnnnnaaaahaahahaaaaaah, lol~!” he announces already as he leans himself forward to pull your tongue out of his butt, which leaves you pleasantly surprised as a trail of your drool connects your mouth and his… improvised love tunnel. You’re even more pleasantly surprised to see him whirl around and slide his barely useful femboy cock back in your troglodyte mouth and fire off another batch of ‘protein shake’ that you gulp down with such gusto that it makes your dick even harder. Grabbing at it and stroking as you sat there getting your throat pumped full of Pokémon jizz, you appear to lose what little sense of reason you have left as Gardevoir slowly removes his still erect fairy penis from your lips.
“Hmmm…~ W-wow, I think… I-I think I might be ga--!” you attempt to come out of the closet at the most redundant time in the world before you’re interrupted by the slender, frisky Pokemon kneeling down in front of you, cupping your face with his hands, and planting perhaps the sloppiest, breathiest, most tongue-heavy French kiss known to all the Pokémon world. Having long since proven you don’t give a single John Jacob Jingleheimer SHIT about decorum or basic human decency, you go right the fuck along with it. The two of you absolute reprobates slobber, grind, lick, and play tonsil hockey all over that field to the point that the very grass you’re fornicating on actually begins to WILT. The nearby Zigzagoon, Shuppet, Duskull, and Oddish all clear the area as even THEY find your actions too deplorable to bear witness to. And yet, the rampant sexual chicanery between you two continues.
“Hmm…~ Y-yeah, lick my chest plate, daddyyyyy~! Lol you’re like… fucking driving me WILD, and now I wanna ride that thick, pulsing dick until you empty your balls inside me… My booty is ready, lmao~!” the Shiny Gardevoir announced, which… for fuck’s sake, I was hoping at least ONE of you fucking morons wouldn’t be insufferable to listen to, but every single goddamn nonsensical ‘lol’ or ‘rotflmao’ from this oxymoronic Psychic IDIOT makes me want to drive a fucking TIRE IRON through my ears. But of course, this ain’t about me. No, this is about YOUR triflin’ ass. Speaking of whom…
“Wanna ride me? Or do you want me to fuck you doggystyle?” you ask with such disturbing casualty in your tone as you seem not to care AT ALL that you’re committing bestiality. I don’t give a fuck that the damn thing kinda-sorta LOOKS human if ya squint hard enough. It’s still a Pokémon, and therefore, it’s probably ILLEGAL to be fucking this thing. But then again, you DID cheat a poorly-named Aggron onto your team with two of the WORST transfer-only moves you could’ve given it, so… who am I to assume you’d know that there WERE, in fact, ‘laws against the Pokémon,’ Batman. After all, it’s how you wound up here. Anyway, onto the best part…
“Lmao, I wanna ride you, baby~! I wanna milk your cock while we make out… Hah~! I-I wanna cum all over you while you try your hardest to impregnate meeeeeh, lol~!” this infuriatingly stupid Pokémon commanded as he peppered your face with kisses despite the fact that your breath smells like his butthole. How very romantic. Hope I didn’t ruin that shameful boner of yours if you made it this far. Oops LOL!
“Awesome. Just… here, I’ll hold it up while you slide that sweet, skinny Gardevussy onto it…” you… uh, honestly I have no idea what the hell you just said. ‘Gardevussy?’ Bro, are your parents siblings or something? Dafuq you doin’ out here, just making up words and shit while you have hot, memetastic gay sex with a Pokémon out in public…? I guess your only saving grace is that it isn’t a Vaporeon you’re dicking down, but… trust me, the bar here is very, VERY low… and somehow, STILL SINKING. Anyway…
“Yaaaas, king~! Lmfao, I can’t WAIT for us to make magic from you sticking your ‘wand’ in my ‘PP Drainer~!’” the fucking Gardevoir punned as he pressed his open, pulsing boypussy against the tip of your rock-hard cock. “And a three… and a two… and a one… and… Hrrrrrrgh…~!” the perverted Pokémon grunted as he pressed his butthole harder on your erection… until eventually, with a fat, squelchy slurping noise, he… in a manner of speaking, ‘sheathed your meat sword’ as he straddled you and pressed his cum-soaked hands against your shoulders.
“Hoohohohohohh, my gosh…~! T-this is my first time…! I’m so happy that I won’t die a virgin anymore…!” you cheer to the point of actually CRYING about the fact that you just gave your first ever sexual experience… to a fucking ANIMAL. I’m… already getting SO tired of narrating this horrendous, depraved, writer’s block-influenced FARCE, but I… dammit, I just HAVE to know how this ended up with you in this jail cell. Thus… against my better judgment, we continue. By the way, yes, you’re in jail. PLOT TWIST! Bet you can’t figure out why, though. Anyway…
“HhoooowwaaaHAHAAAAAAAAUUUHN~!” the Gardevoir sang its immaculate power bottom pleasure out to the high heavens to the point that his voice echoed across the landscape and attracted even more unwanted attention as more spectators popped in and found themselves stunned… STUNNED to see what the hell was transpiring before their innocent eyes… “F-fuck me, daddy~! Y-yezzz, yezzz, gimmethadfugginhumancooooooooccccckkk~!” the Gardevoir delightfully and vulgarly begged as he began to throw those slim, almost entirely nonexistent hips in a circle, arching his back and drooling in unmistakable horny joy as he filled the otherwise peaceful air with the terror-inducing sounds of his tight, white ass plopping against your thighs.
“Whoahoo~! Y-yeah! Ffffriggin’ INCREDIBLE, man…! Hah…!” you sigh, moan, and sing as you spread your legs and grab Gardevoir’s hips to guide him into a rhythm of riding your morally bankrupt man missile. With every time his cheeks slap against your balls and the base of your cock, you grow closer and closer to completely losing your mind as the butterflies erupt in your stomach and your wang twitches and throbs inside this Pokémon’s ass. And as if this abomination of a lovemaking session couldn’t get more morbid, you find your lips once again greeted with Gardevoir’s as he leans over, grabs your head with both hands, and PLASTERS his lips and tongue all over yours in a horrific ritual of unadulterated lust and shameless self-indulgence.
Ugh… I’m honestly almost as appalled as all the onlookers whispering among themselves (some of which included Wild Pokémon that were staring in varying states of confusion and disgust) as we all bore unfortunate witness to you treating this world like it was your jizz-soaked sex toy. Listen, I’m about ready to close the book on this report, so let’s just uh… power on through, or something. I’m gonna need therapy after this… So, carrying on…
“Hmm…~ Oh, yeah, Gardevoir…~ Ah…~ M-milk me for every last ounce of my nutter butter, you handsome beast…” you very eloquently command your interspecies lover (fucking SHOOT me already) as he really puts his back into pumping your hard-as-steel hard-on in his effeminate Yaoi hole. The slapping of his cheeks against your thighs gets louder and more rapid as he also reaches a hand downward to begin jerking his fully erect semen cannon. For all intents and purposes, it appears this was going to be quite the uh… ‘pleasurable’ normal (for a given definition of ‘normal’) gay encounter… but little do YOU know in your infinite lack of wisdom, this is where your sordid tale takes a wild 180-degree turn straight to the Distortion World.
“AAaahaAAAHAAAMAaaAAAAAHH~! Y-yess, dadddyyyyyyyyyy~! ROTFLMFAO, I’M GONNA CUM LOL~!” the Gardevoir shouted to the high heavens, throwing his head back as he continued to furiously bounce on your cock like he was riding on a pogo stick meant for bootyholes while jerking his little femboy prick like he was trying to set it on fire from the merciless friction he was causing. Seriously, this horny fucker’s dick started to look like a kielbasa link with a blue head, he was stroking so goddamn hard and fast.
“BWAAaaAAHhhAAAHAAAaaaawaah, m-me, toooooWWAAAAAAHHN~!” you holler out to the high heavens as you grab your bestiality buddy’s bouncing booty and SLAM your cock in down to the hilt. Aaand in a gloriously REVOLTING moment of immeasurable climactic joy and horny pleasure, you AND that Shiny Gardevoir blow your loads hard enough to nearly FLOOD the entirety of Route 121 with your forbidden and detestable ‘love.’
“FwwoooooaaaaaHHaAAAAHN~! I-I can feel your skibiddy jizz getting me SUPER Anal Preggers right now, lmao~!” the Gardevoir sang out the single most BRAINLESS statement known to man as his entire body seized up and encased itself in a truly TERRIFYING pinkish-purple glow… followed by a FUCKING BLACK HOLE just conjuring up above you two from out of fucking NOWHERE! What the fu--!? Wait… Actually, let me see this thing’s Pokédex entry. Blah blah blah, psychokinetic power… yada yada, protect its trainer… DISTORT DIMENSIONS AND CREATE A [FUCKING] BLACK HOLE… Aaaaaaand you thought it was a good idea to have sex with this thing. You’re actually a fucking IDIOT, dude. And NOW look what happened! That comment I made earlier about one of you cumming hard enough to warp space-time ACTUALLY came true! I wasn’t even TRYING to foreshadow anything! FUCK!
“WhablawaghrlaglarlgahAHAWAGOGALARAGAAHAHAWAHWAHWHAAAAAH!” you nonsensically babble out a bunch of useless gibberish as you find yourself CLAMPED into this horny, brainrotted psychopath’s butthole with no hope of escape as his essence flows through you and tears away at your every muscle fiber like you were being pulled apart by piping hot meat hooks. Your agony is known by no other as you’re ripped asunder from the inside by Gardevoir’s orgasmic power surge. But hey, at least his boypussy was tight enough for you to bust the best nut ever, right? Totally worth the miniature DISASTER happening all around you, with innocent people and Pokémon alike being sucked into that black hole without warning and with no conceivable possibility of ever being seen again. Those who were wise enough to make like trees and GET THE FUCK OUT OF THERE did just that… though their survivor’s guilt from having been forced to watch their neighbors and loved ones vanish without a trace due to your boneheaded, potentially WORLD-ENDING decision to stick your dick where it didn’t belong. And as Gardevoir also pays no mind to the destructive potential of his climax as he squirts out another series of thick, bubbly cum ropes all over himself, you, AND the ground surrounding you…
“Hwoowaaaaaahaaahahaaaaahn, y-yeah… FFffffffugggggg…~” the Gardevoir moaned in absolute, breathless jubilation as it finished up unwittingly committing a mass murder through cumming his fucking brains out all over your dumbass face again. And as you lay there, convulsing and twitching like the nutted-out, braindead fucktard you are, you of course pay no heed to the consequences of your actions OR the carnage in the form of the ENTIRE ROUTE being ripped to shreds. Where there should’ve been gates and grass and Wild Pokémon… was instead a massive, filthy, cum-soaked crater littered with loose articles of clothing and tufts of fur from all those innocent creatures you just fucking killed with your weaponized lust and incompetence. “Hah… W-wow, daddy…~ You sure do know how to show a guy a good time lol…” the annoying Shiny Pokémon babbled on some more as he rose to a seated position and pulled your flaccid cock out of his ass to let loose enough ejaculate that it formed an enormous puddle around your own ass and thighs. You truly are fucking HOPELESS, bruh… “Holy fucking shit…! You came so much for me, lmao~!”
“Whaamramrbluarglurblh…” you uh… I don’t even know. Your brain appears to have been totally scrambled from getting the equivalent of being stuffed in a microwave for way too long. The consequences of your reprehensibly foolish actions. Anyway, you only get to enjoy the immensely painful afterglow of your unholy, illegal union for so long before…
“WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED OUT HERE!?” shouted a male member of a team of Pokémon Rangers as they all came in to figure out the source of the commotion. “DUDE! DID YOU JUST FUCK THAT **SHINY** INSTEAD OF CATCHING IT!?” he asked with such desperate urgency in his voice that you somehow snap to and wake up enough to notice your cum-drenched self being surrounded by a horde of pissed-off Pokémon Trainers. Meanwhile, your new illegal boyfriend remained seated on you, stunned beyond words by the fact that so many angry humans were approaching you and him like they wanted to kick the shit out of you both.
“Wha…? I-I uh… t-this isn’t what it looks like… Gardevoir and I were uh… j-just training…” you fumble through your most pathetic lie yet as you process how royally fucked you are… in a BAD way.
“Training what? Your cock in his tight little ass? That’s super GAY! And therefore, ILLEGAL!” shouted a female Pokemon Ranger, though her expression bore a flustered blush as she found herself ‘secretly’ rubbing her clit through her booty shorts. “Hmmmh~! F-fffuck…! Y-you’re allowed to have sex with Pokémon, but it can’t be in public, it can’t be unprotected, and most importantly, it can’t be GAY! Oh, but it was SOOO fucking hot, though… Ahn~! Oooooh~!” the evident Fujoshi further insightfully informed as she masturbated her salivating pussy to the point of her secretions running down her thick, dimply thighs and soaking her pants and her socks… um… I mean, I guess. Sometimes I wonder about people in this universe… For fuck’s sake…
“Uh, n-no! Y-ya see, I ran out of Pokémon to battle him with, and I didn’t wanna run away! I did what I had to do and stuff, you guise! Ya gotta belie--!”
“Nah, bro, that’s STILL GAY!” a third Pokemon Ranger, another guy, called out with the most laughable shocked expression on his face as he pointed at you and Gardevoir while the two of you gawked in clueless wonder at all the attention you were getting… while everyone continued to completely ignore the girl flicking her bean and cumming to the point of looking like she was having an orgasmic stroke as she completely soiled her shorts and collapsed on the ground in complete euphoria. My hope for this planet dwindles with every word I have to type into this travesty, let me tell ya…
“N-no, you have to under--!” you try to explain again to no avail.
“YOU’RE GAAAYYY!” the same Ranger yelled again, making sure to remind you of most important of the only two laws you apparently broke. “YOU’RE--! HE’S GAAAAAAAAYY!” he panicked some more, looking around for people who agreed with him as he pointed at you. This incredibly immature maneuver somehow works, however, as those Pokémon Rangers, joined by surviving civilians and bystanders, got angry enough that they immediately converged on your position to um… let’s say PASSIONATELY teach you a lesson in etiquette and consideration… y’know, when they considerately stomp you into a bloody puddle in the next few seconds. And as the mob converged and descended upon you in a vengeful or otherwise vicious rage…
“Looooooks like that’s my cue to go. Catch ya on the flippies, babe~! I’m outta here, lmao~!” the Gardevoir announced as he waved a psychokinesis-activated hand in front of himself. And within the next second, he vanished with a psychic poof without a trace. And so, he left you stranded there after using you to get his rocks off. How embarrassing for you to think you ACTUALLY had a boyfriend in that stupid talking Pokémon…
“…Ah, shit,” you murmur, knowing for certain that your ass is GRASS. That knowledge becomes even more evident when you get a sudden mouthful of grassy rubber in the form of one of those Pokémon Rangers trying to actually kick your mongoloid Pacifidlog teeth in. The rest of the overdue ass-whuppin’ that would invariably result in the VERY THANKFUL END of your ill-fated Pokémon journey had come in very short order as you fell victim to MULTIPLE hurricanes of blows from all directions with your only priority being to protect your balls as you curl up in the fetal position and accept your punishment… an apparent hurricane of fists, feet, spit, and frustration with your astounding lack of insight…
*BACK TO WHERE WE ARE NOW…*
Hm. Y’know what? Maybe it WASN’T Gardevoir’s powers that caused your memory loss… Kinda hard to tell between the orgasm that nearly cost you your life and the group beating you suffered as a result, though those people were REALLY thorough with kicking your ass before they dragged your unconscious, blood-and-cum-smeared body to the police station, undone pants and all. Either way, you’re kind of a sicko for doing all that shit. No one has seen that Gardevoir since, and given how rare Shiny Pokemon are in general anyway, no one really bothered to look. Well, except for the legion of other greasy, lonely, smelly perverts you spawned that got into this ‘trend’ of… Shiny Hunting, where they sit in the same spot for hours, if not DAYS on end hoping to attract a differently colored waifu that basically functions the same as all the regular versions of the same Pokémon, save for some useless sparkling effect that just wastes time on speedruns.
That, and the part where no Pokémon, Shiny or otherwise, would EVER want to fuck the weirdos you inspired to waste literal YEARS off their life clock hoping for a random encounter when they know there’s all sorts of methods to save yourself the effort. Like RNG Manipulation, even though people call THAT cheating for some moralistic reason. Who fuckin’ cares, bruh!? You’d NEVER know how anyone got their Shiny if they didn’t tell you, so stop being such an elitist cocksucker over a children’s video game! Fuckin’ nerds… Anyway, good fucking job killing a bunch of people and Pokémon with your incurable stupidity that’s more than likely been made WORSE by the concussions and brain melting you were subjected to. And now, as you sit in front of me in that honestly pointless straitjacket, drooling all over yourself like the absolute waste of human potential you are, I contemplate just how many more like you will come out the woodwork wanting to stick their dicks in a Lopunny (which, let’s be real; Nintendo WANTS you to fuck that thing), or get their pussies and asses fucked by a gang of Machamp and Eeveelutions… ESPECIALLY that hideous Water-type one. AND the Fairy-type one, the creepy little fucker. Ugh, REPULSIVE. Most compatible for breeding and most in-tune with your feelings, they say… Absolutely, vomit-inducingly loathsome…
Well, anyway, this hasn’t really been any fun. If anything, just smelling you from a half-mile away made me feel like I needed to get crawled over by a band of Slugma to get the funk off me. Being here TALKING to you? It’s made me lose my faith in Pokémon as I know it. I think I’m gonna go sell my soul to Giratina and join that eyebrowless dipshit from Team Galactic that yeeted himself into the Distortion World. Maybe there, at least any bestiality-related debauchery that happens there will make a little bit more sense. You never saw me here, by the way. Never, EVER mention we even had this conversation. Go fuck yourself, Mr. I-Have-No-Standards-And-I-Must-Cum. Or girlfriend, or boyfriend, or Pokémon waifu, or whatever the hell you’re into. As if I give a shit… I’m done. Go away now. I don’t even know why I bothered doing this. This shit over wit, bruh.
THE END