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"It's not about the skills. Dante annoys me less."
When Felix had heard what Spade had said when asked why he made Dante the drummer for his band, the realization hollowed him out. His smile lingered for a heartbeat too long before faltering under its own weight, suddenly feeling less like happiness and more like noise. He became painfully aware of the space he occupied, the way he'd spoken over people all the time, the way every silence had felt so unbearable that he'd rushed to smother it with himself, the way he was too eager, too loud, too bright. His chest tightened as embarrassment flooded through him, hot enough to make his skin prickle. He wanted to apologize, but for what? For this moment? For every moment before it? Instead, he had stood there, quiet for what felt like the first time in his life, realizing with growing horror that maybe his silence wasn't making the room uncomfortable. If anything, it finally gave everyone else room to breathe.
He had always thought being easy to be around was enough. He'd spent his whole life trying to make himself lighter for other people. When Felix decided to become clone #7 instead of clone #4, but then Waru decided that he wanted to be clone #7, Felix took on the role of clone #6 and let Waru have what he wanted. When Spade took Felix's phone and ordered a pepperoni pizza for himself instead of letting the group come to an agreement about what anyone wanted, including Felix, Felix simply accepted the outcome. He had even agreed to be the one to sleep on those uncomfortable chairs so everyone else could have somewhere more comfy to rest at night.
But being that nice just wasn't enough. Every conversation he'd ever bulldozed through seemed to overlap in his mind. Every interruption he'd brushed off as excitement, every joke he'd stretched too long, every moment he'd mistaken polite patience for genuine enjoyment. The awful thought landed with perfect certainty: I'm annoying. I've been annoying this whole time.
So when Waru invited Felix and Brolly to join his own band, Felix accepted without hesitation. He'd been genuinely excited to be asked, but the sting of what had happened earlier refused to fade. Spade had turned him away for one reason alone: he was "too annoying." It didn't matter that Waru had been rejected for the exact same reason. That wasn't comforting. Waru went out of his way to rile people up, provoking people because he enjoyed the reaction. Felix had only ever wanted to make people smile. The fact that they'd ended up in the same place didn't make their reasons feel any less different.
When they got home to prepare, Waru tossed Felix and Brolly each a pair of green glasses to match his own before disappearing into the shower to get ready for the band's debut. Brolly slipped his on immediately, squinting through the tinted lenses as his vision adjusted, but unable to really see anything through them. Neither of them was watching Felix. Neither of them could really see him. The house was suddenly quiet, save for the muffled rush of running water behind the bathroom door. Felix stared at the glasses in his hands, then slowly looked away. A thought settled into his mind with a terrible, unwavering calm - not impulsive, not loud, but inevitable. If he really was the problem, then maybe the only thing left to do was make sure he never became one again.
The blade pirouetted, swept forward, and returned again, never hurried, never uncertain. It carved with precision rather than force, red liquid slowly oozing out of the surface of every cut. Every slice was a testament to the guilt Felix felt for the way people felt about him, and the anger he felt at himself for not being more likable. There was a kind of reverence in the performance.
"It's not about the skills. Dante annoys me less."
The words replayed themselves on loop in his head with every cut. Not "I don't like Felix." Not "Felix is too much." Just "Dante annoys me less." Somehow, that hurt more. Because it sounded honest. It sounded like something someone says when they aren't trying to be cruel. Just truthful. As Felix continued to spiral, he began to notice things he never paid attention to before. How often he was the loudest one laughing. How quickly he jumped to answer questions. How often he was the one proposing activities and keeping conversations going while the others were perfectly happy sitting in comfortable silence. Maybe he was the problem after all. Brolly was sitting quietly across from him, green glasses obscuring his vision and sparing him from witnessing the bloody scene unfolding.
Looking at Brolly filled Felix with guilt. Felix wanted to be happy. He should have been happy. After Waru had invited him into his band without hesitation, Brolly had welcomed him aboard, and in a short while they'd be making their debut together at the music store. It was everything he'd wanted only that morning: a place to belong, people who wanted him around, another chance after the first had fallen apart. By every reasonable measure, he'd landed on his feet.
So why couldn't he stop thinking about the one person who hadn't wanted him?
The excitement he'd felt when Waru asked him to join had been real, but it kept dissolving beneath the weight of Spade's rejection. Those four words looped through his mind until they drowned out everything else. Every time he caught himself smiling, guilt followed close behind. It felt wrong to celebrate when he couldn't stop mourning something he'd barely had to begin with. Worse, it made him feel ungrateful. Waru had offered him a place without asking him to change, yet all Felix could think about was the place that had never been his. He hated that about himself. He hated that someone had reached out a hand, only for him to keep staring at the door that had been slammed in his face. No matter how hard he tried to focus on what he had, his mind kept wandering back to what he'd lost, or perhaps, what he'd never truly been allowed to have in the first place.
No matter what life threw his way, one thing Felix never had to question was knowing that Brolly would always have his back. His love was so genuine and unconditional that it reminded Felix every day how lucky he was to have him in his life. Through every challenge, every laugh, and every moment in between, Brolly's kind heart, unwavering loyalty, and endless love gave him strength when he needed it most. It was a gift that Felix would never take for granted.
And Waru?
Felix could have sworn that Waru existed for the sole purpose of getting under his skin. He always knew exactly which buttons to press, from barging into group activities and ruining them to making the kind of smug comments that had Felix clenching his jaw before he'd even had breakfast. Half the time he was convinced Waru was ragebaiting him just to watch him snap, and the infuriating part was that it usually worked. But beneath every argument, every sarcastic jab, and every eye roll, there was an unshakable certainty that if everything fell apart, he'd be there. He'd never let Felix get away with feeling sorry for himself, but he'd never let him face anything alone, either. Somehow he could call him an idiot and make him laugh in the same sentence, then remind him, without ever saying the words outright, that he would always have his back. Felix would probably never stop finding him unbelievably annoying, but he also couldn't imagine facing the world without knowing Waru was always in his corner. It was infuriating that the person who got on Felix's nerves more than anyone else was also the one he knew he could trust the most at the moment, and Felix couldn't help feeling guilty for thinking that.
The guilt gnawed at him more than the rejection itself. Every time he caught his thoughts drifting back to Spade, it felt like he was betraying the people who had actually chosen him. Waru had made room for him without question. Brolly had treated him like he belonged from the start. They deserved a bandmate who was excited to be there, not someone quietly grieving the opportunity he'd lost somewhere else.
Then, with effortless grace, the blade danced. It glided through the air in shimmering arcs, catching the light with every elegant movement before descending upon the waiting flesh. Each stroke was fluid and deliberate, a practiced ballet of steel and skill. Each cut was an apology.
I'm sorry, Spade.
I'm sorry, Brolly.
I'm sorry, Waru.
Felix's inner monologue was interrupted by the sound of the bathroom door bursting open. He hastily pulled his sweater's sleeves down, hiding the cuts on his arms as Waru strode in, sporting a new hairstyle and decked out in an outfit that looked similar to Parappa the Rapper.
"Is that what you're wearing?" Waru frowned, looking at Felix, who was wearing the same clothes as usual but with a spiral clumsily attached to the front. Felix hesitated upon noticing Waru's sleeveless outfit.
"Well -"
Felix was interrupted as Brolly took off his glasses to look between the two.
"Waru, it's October! Wear a coat or something, you might catch a cold!" Brolly said, concerned.
"Pussies," Waru jeered at them. "Alright, get your instruments. Time to get this show on the road!" he said, grabbing his accordion and marching out the front door.
"Y-yeah!" Brolly said timidly, following Waru.
"Yeah!" Felix said, hoping they didn't notice the waver in his normally cheerful voice.