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"The task is simple: use your potions book to guide you through the brewing and make a potable vial of Draught of Living Death. First student to do so will win this vial of Felix Felices. I must say, having your hand at this potion will certainly make you feel like a million galleons! If not, may actually win you a million galleons depending on what you do. So to whoever wins our little contest, I pray that you use this potion wisely."
Jiwoong's eyes are fixated on the vial, eyes observing how the ever-famous Liquid Luck looks to the naked eye. It's a small dosage. According to his calculations and his readings, a vial's worth of Felix Felices would give him half a day's worth of extreme luck, more than what Jiwoong would ever ask for if he could use for some good fortune.
To an outsider, Jiwoong seems indifferent; his head prompted against the palm of his hand as his other writes down notes that Professor Han has previously mentioned during their lecture. After 2 hours of zoning on and on about the uses of asphodel and valerian root, Professor Han clasped his hands together and gave them all their little contest. Inwardly, Jiwoong wants that vial. It's embarrassing if he were to admit it out loud as he, Kim Jiwoong, a well-respected Hufflepuff amongst his peers who seem to have been blessed with fortune all his life seems to succumb to greed and want more. It's not intentional and for Merlin's sake, he is not greedy. He's simply nervous, maybe anxious, and completely human.
He feels an elbow dig at his side, flinching at the contact as his friend, Sung Hanbin, a fellow Hufflepuff, takes him out of his trance to wiggle his eyebrows at him, knowing exactly what's going on in Jiwoong's mind.
"Eyeing for it, aren't you?" he says teasingly, the same manner of voice someone uses when they know they're right. Jiwoong rolls his eyes for a split second, opening his potions book to the directed pages as a means to ignore his friend but Hanbin doesn't relent. He never does, "I know you, Jiwoong. You're worried about the Yule Ball."
Jiwoong fingers flinch at the mention of the event, a corner of the page getting folded. The older Hufflepuff doesn't reply but Hanbin knows he's hit the nail, smirking and shaking his head.
"You're seriously not gonna try?" Hanbin asks, seeing as to how Jiwoong isn't looking at the book anymore yet still keeping his gaze away from him.
"No, I will try," Jiwoong responds, eyes darting back to the book, "I just— I just need to do some preparations, alright?"
Hanbin doesn't say anything for a while and for a moment, Jiwoong is relieved that his friend isn't pushing on the topic any further. But he knows Hanbin and Hanbin knows him. It doesn't take long before he feels the other's hand on his shoulder, a tone of eureka lacing in his following words.
"You're gonna use the Felix Felices to ask Hao out for the ball, won't you?"
Jiwoong visibly stiffens, heat rising from his neck all the way to his cheeks. He wants to rebut, deny Hanbin of the satisfaction of being right, but he simply can't. It's the truth after all and it's a simmering truth that he's been horrible at hiding.
Jiwoong sinks onto the table, frustration and embarrassment written all over his defeated form, as he hears his best friend clap his hands together in a small celebration. Jiwoong dares to raise his head up, eyes darting across the room to sought after the familiar outline of black and green robes. There, in his view, comes Zhang Hao from the House of Slytherin, talking to a fellow housemate as he secretly munches on a piece of sugar-dusted chocolate crinkles.
He doesn't know how long it has been since he's been enamored by the other when he first saw him before the Sorting Ceremony. As the Sorting Hat pronounces Jiwoong as a Hufflepuff— his eleven year old legs barely reaching the floor as he sat on the stool— he wished deep in his heart that the fair boy that caught his eye would be the same. But, alas, as he peered over his shoulder from the Hufflepuff table, gaze fixated on Hao's sorting, he felt his heart crack at the announcement of Slytherin, the house taking Hao under its wing along with Jiwoong's hopes to get closer to him.
First to fourth year was absolute hell for him. He would have joint classes with Hao every now and then but it all amounted to nothing but a longing gaze and constant pining. Hanbin, who had been by his side throughout those four years watching him beat around the bush, often encourages the older to make a move. Jiwoong would rebut, saying that it would seem foolish to suddenly walk up to the Slytherin and make conversation. But Hanbin reminds him that he's Kim Jiwoong, golden boy of the Hufflepuff house, and it's much better to move on than to regret.
In a way, Jiwoong did take his advice.
The first time he found himself at the owlery during his fifth year, a small pouch of cookies in hand, he briefly pondered if it would seem ominous for Hao to receive treats from an anonymous sender. So he opted to reach into his robes, reeling out a piece of parchment and a quill, to attach a small note.
For you.
Sincerely, your secret admirer.
Hanbin called it lame when Jiwoong told him of what he did, said he should have put more heart into the note. But Jiwoong is already putting his pride on the line by sending Hao trinkets and pastries anonymously and he just hopes that the Slytherin wouldn't easily trace it back to him. Merlin forbid Hao to confront him before he could be ready for a full conversation with the other.
"You're not gonna get that Liquid Luck if you don't start brewing, Jiwoong," Hanbin snaps him out of his thoughts, holding out a small tray for him to take, "Here, I already fetched us some Sopophorous beans."
It takes a moment for Jiwoong to re-orient himself, rubbing his eyes clear of confusion, before standing up and taking his place in front of his cauldron, analyzing the instructions for the Draught of Living Death.
***
"Are we sure that Professor Han gave us the right book? I mean, I know I've followed the instructions to a T but it was nothing near a potable Draught of Living Death!" Hanbin huffs, stuffing his face with a spoonful of mashed potatoes in his left hand and chugging a mug of moscat juice with his right, "I don't think anybody's getting that vial. If I didn't know better, I'd think Professor Han just wanted to wave the Felix Felices in our faces as we horribly fail to brew a potion."
"You're being dramatic, Hanbin," Jiwoong tells him, a soft snicker escaping his lips as he slurps his bowl of soup, "Maybe we're not getting the cauldron temperature right. Remember, last year at Potions, Professor Cho also mentioned that there's even a certain way of stirring."
Hanbin audibly snorts.
"That's ridiculous! Potions can't possibly be that intricate— oof!"
He drops his spoon on his plate, grabbing the back of his head as the clanking sound of metal meeting porcelain gets deafened by the sounds of simultaneous conversations by all of the students in the Great Hall. Hanbin is greeted by Matthew, a Gryffindor he grew quite close to during Quidditch, holding a tattered copy of their Advanced Potion-Making textbook in his hand.
"Do you ever take Potions seriously?" Matthew eggs at Hanbin who was still rubbing the spot on his head that Matthew smacked at, "There is specifics in Potions and you would know that if you did your essay yourself."
Hanbin simply smiled at Matthew, a boyish type that aims to charm rather than amuse.
"And you're the absolute best because of that, Maet," he clings towards the Gryffindor closer, rubbing his head on Matthew's shoulder like a cat giving affection, "I will forever be grateful for you for that!"
Matthew tries to keep his annoyed facade up and, if Jiwoong was any other outsider, he'd think Matthew was annoyed. But he knows better while Hanbin, for once, does not, looking over to the blushing Gryffindor— his face almost the same color as the inwards of his robes— with a knowing look.
"You're just lucky I like writing essays," Matthew manages to say through gritted teeth, Jiwoong knowing damn well it was a stupid excuse but still having the courtesy to prevent himself from calling the Gryffindor out, "If you're having such a hard time during Potions, you know I'd be happy to help."
Hanbin smiles at that, stilling his head on Matthew's shoulder.
"I would love to but I'd rather have you write my essays."
That earns him another textbook smack on the face, Jiwoong shaking his head at Hanbin's obtuseness to Matthew's subtle invitation of a study date.
"Definitely not a Ravenclaw," Jiwoong thought to himself about his friend.
The sound of wings flapping from a snowy owl is suddenly heard throughout the expanse of the Great Hall, a few students turning to watch the direction of the owl. To no one's surprise, the owl makes a turn towards the Slytherin table, making a swift descent as it reaches the sixth years, before promptly dropping a small box into Hao's hands and flying off. It seems to be routine at this point for Hao to receive an owl almost every day.
Jiwoong watches closely from two tables away, eyes focused on Hao's reaction as he slowly peels away the top flap of the box. Jiwoong feels the corner of his lips curl as he sees Hao take out the small trinket from within, a crocheted sunflower that instantly fixates itself to face wherever Hao is, making the receiver smile.
"Another gift?" Jiwoong hears Ricky, a housemate of Hao's, say as he looked at the trinket, "Same guy?"
Hao nods at the question, attention still focused on the charmed crocheted item in his hand.
"I was really hoping for it to be brownies again, you know," Ricky whines before returning his attention back to his meal, stuffing his face with a slice of blueberry tart.
Jiwoong remains on his spot, unmoving, still watching Hao as the Slytherin entertains the crocheted sunflower in his hand with much glee. It's a sight that rivals even the prettiest of charms, Jiwoong thinks, because no other scenery can ever make his heart skip a beat every single time the same way the sight of Hao smiling does. It's addicting and maybe Jiwoong is a creep for thinking that way but what he wouldn't give just to see that smile every single day.
He knows Hanbin is giving him a knowing look and Matthew is probably doing the same thing but he doesn't care. He's simply happy that Hao is happy.
Maybe he should have retracted his gaze sooner, already being greedy enough with the view and taking more time than he normally would to admire Hao, because Hao definitely felt a gaze grazing on his skin somewhere along that time causing him to peel away his attention from the trinket, meeting Jiwoong's gaze. Jiwoong immediately looks away, sinking his body onto the table much to his friends' surprise. Hanbin asks him what's wrong while Matthew looks on over towards the Slytherin table, saying nothing else.
Yup, he's too greedy. He should time his gazing next time. Can't go too overboard.
***
"Okay, so from what Matthew told me, washing the bean is better than slicing. But then again, I was half asleep while he was explaining so I may be wrong."
Jiwoong looks at his Potions textbook, then back again to Hanbin, giving him a raised brow.
"That makes no sense. How is washing the bean gonna be better if we're trying to get its essence?"
Hanbin pauses for a while and looks through a piece of parchment, the same one he used when he was "jotting down notes" while Matthew explained alternative methods to brewing Draught of Living Death. Much to his embarrassment, it didn't seem helpful, looking at his illegible handwriting that showed obvious signs of sleep.
"Well, we can figure this out. Let's just follow the instructions in the book and hope for the best," he concedes, putting away the parchment back into his robe pocket and reeling his textbook closer.
Jiwoong doesn't say anything, shaking his head.
"Well, here goes nothing."
***
"Brilliant, Mr. Zhang! Absolutely brilliant! A successful brew!" Professor Han cheerfully announced, his voice reverberating throughout the entire classroom that it makes Jiwoong's heart sink.
He looks down at his own cauldron, a barely viable concoction brewing inside that it almost mocks him amidst the sound of cheering Slytherins and applause from other houses. Hanbin joins in on the congratulatory before realization strikes him, looking back at his best friend.
Jiwoong doesn't say anything but his face says it all.
There goes his chances.
He silently closes his book and packs up his Potions set, heart sinking as he watches Professor Han hand over the vial of Felix Felices to Hao.
***
Jiwoong holes himself up in the kitchen right after that, dumping all of his feelings into the batch of strawberry cheesecake that he's currently making. The house elves all look at him with worry, noticing the negative aura surrounding Jiwoong's entire being as his stirring becomes more impatient rather than calculated.
The house elves know that Jiwoong is someone who bakes or cooks with his emotions, his inner thoughts getting broadcasted just by something as simple as how he cracks an egg. To see him so absent and blinded with how he stirs, it's extremely apparent to the other creatures that something is upsetting him.
Pinky, a petite elf, warily approaches the wizard, holding a metal plate full of strawberry and jam.
"Pinky has brought Kim Jiwoong's requested ingredients," the elf says, hopping on boxes to place the ingredients on the table next to Jiwoong, "Does Kim Jiwoong require any further assistance?"
Jiwoong remains silent, continuing to fold his cream cheese together as a means to let out his frustration. For a beat, Pinky was about to say something— maybe to repeat their question— but Jiwoong beats them to it.
"No, Pinky," he says through a grunt, still focusing his attention on the cream cheese that is obviously over-tended to, "I'll just call you if I need anything else."
Pinky peers over to the brooding wizard, who seemed more occupied by his mind rather than the task at hand.
"Is Kim Jiwoong sure that they are okay? Pinky and the rest of the house elves are worried."
Jiwoong stops at that, almost letting go of the metal bowl in his hands before re-orienting himself to return to his cream cheese, this time folding it slowly.
"I'm fine, Pinky," he barely lies through his teeth, stopping his folding as he dares to repeat his words again, "I'm fine."
Pinky doesn't say anything for a moment and for a second there, Jiwoong thought he has convinced the elf of his mood. But Pinky knows him, shockingly enough for him, and Pinky knows that Jiwoong bakes with his heart on his sleeve. Pinky knows something is wrong.
"Is Kim Jiwoong thinking about Zhang Hao from Slytherin?"
Jiwoong drops the metal bowl in his hands on the table, eyes wide as saucers as he finally turns to look at the house elf.
"H-How'd you know about Hao?" he asks with a bit of panic. Jiwoong has never mentioned other peers aside from Hanbin and occasionally Matthew as he cooked and baked alongside the elves, so how on earth did they know about Hao?
"Pinky knows Kim Jiwoong has been sending Zhang Hao their desserts. Pinky sees Zhang Hao with Kim Jiwoong's creation the very next day after Kim Jiwoong has made them," the elf points out as if it was obvious.
"What?" Jiwoong accidentally says in a drag, voice pitched high in an obvious bluff to feign ignorance to whatever the elf was saying, "I.. I have no idea what you're.. what you're saying."
"Pinky thinks Kim Jiwoong likes Zhang Hao."
Like a reflex, Jiwoong spins his head towards every corner of the kitchen as if looking for an outsider who could have possibly stumbled into his secret. He bends down to Pinky's level, holding up his finger towards his own lips as a signal for the elf to be quiet, Pinky mirroring his actions.
"Don't say it out loud!" Jiwoong anxiously pleads as if Pinky had used Sonorus and announced his crush on a certain Slytherin for the entire school to hear.
"So Pinky is correct! Kim Jiwoong does like Zhang Hao!"
"Shh, Pinky!" Jiwoong panics once more, grabbing the elf into his arms to shush them from saying any more.
"Kim Jiwoong likes Zhang Hao! Kim Jiwoong likes Zhang Hao!" another elf— named Dodi, was it?— chants from across the kitchen, continuing Pinky's teasing in their stead.
"Please! Shh! Don't say it so loud—"
"Kim Jiwoong likes Zhang Hao?" he hears another elf repeat.
"Who is Zhang Hao?" another elf asks.
"Oh, the nice Slytherin? Kim Jiwoong likes the nice Slytherin?"
"Kim Jiwoong likes the nice Slytherin!"
This is what Jiwoong gets for spending all of his time surrounded by elves. With a quick flick of his wand, he casts a Muffliato, hoping that in the case there ever was an eavesdropper, they wouldn't be able to hear the happy song of the elves as they teased Jiwoong about his crush.
"Is it that obvious?" Jiwoong asks to no elf in particular, sinking down onto the floor to accept his fate.
"Pinky thinks it may be a little telling. Pinky thinks anyone who knows Kim Jiwoong would immediately know that Kim Jiwoong likes Zhang Hao."
Jiwoong's face flush with embarrassment.
So he has been obvious. If a couple of house elves who he hang around with and only talk to about pastries, academics, and sometimes his friends about could decipher his fat crush on Zhang Hao, then it must be like a neon sign hanging above his head that's screaming "I like Zhang Hao from Slytherin!" for the other students. And if Zhang Hao knows but doesn't do anything about it then it must be because Hao doesn't feel the same way.
Great, now he needs to make a batch of cupcakes along with the cheesecake to let out this additional turmoil swimming inside of his head.
***
"Jiwoong, I don't know if it's just me, mate, but why do these cupcakes taste so sad?"
The mentioned wizard deadpans Hanbin a look, pausing his quill.
"Well, just spit them out then."
"Hell no!" Hanbin munches further into the cupcake until his mouth is littered with white frosting, "I said they tasted sad not horrible!"
Jiwoong doesn't know whether to roll his eyes or snicker, instead, returning his attention to his Arithmancy assignment, not even wanting to think about Potions because of the memory of losing the opportunity to have a Felix Felices. It still leaves a small sting in his heart, knowing that his only chance of ever asking Hao out were dashed from his grip. Hanbin has told him numerous times that it shouldn't depend on a vial for him to make a move but, alas, there is a reason as to why he wasn't sorted into Gryffindor five years ago.
In all honesty, he's been frustrated with the entire ordeal. He's not just mad about losing the vial but he's incredibly upset that he placed all of his luck on it for the sake of asking Hao out. He knew it would be a losing game but he was so close. Maybe not close to brewing the perfect Draught of Living Death but close to enough to see an opportunity to make himself known in front of the Slytherin.
If only he studied better for the subject.
"Still upset about Potions?" Hanbin breaks the ice after licking his fingers clean of frosting, checking on his friend due to his long silence.
"Would it be bad if I am?" Jiwoong mumbles, barely audible for Hanbin to hear.
"Of course not, bud," the other assures, "I know you've always wanted to ask Hao out but," he reaches out for the other's hand, "Are you sure you don't even want to try? Think about it. If you're not going to make a move, someone else will. Can you really handle that?"
"No," Jiwoong immediately thinks, trying to shake that unauthorized jealousy away. The thought of Hao going to the ball with someone else, much less actually dating them, it sets Jiwoong's nerves on fire that it can only be extinguished by one sure fact: he has no right. Jiwoong has no right to be envious of Hao's future date because at the very least, whoever that person may be, they had the courage to do something. Sure, Jiwoong gives Hao gifts and pastries but they're not explicit. They're not an actual attempt of courting the Slytherin but, rather, at least letting Hao know that there is someone in the wards of Hogwarts that likes him so much. So Jiwoong has no right to envy if he, himself, has no plan to authentically pursue.
"I can," Jiwoong lies through his teeth, trying to score his emotions as Hanbin reads him. Hanbin can see right through his best friend's bluff, letting out a heavy sigh.
Hanbin would say more but Matthew suddenly makes his presence known, plopping down next to the former as he perks to the two Hufflepuffs.
"Did you guys hear? Someone asked Hao out during Divination!"
This makes Jiwoong drop his quill.
"What?!" he practically shouts throughout the Great Hall, causing a few nearby students from the neighboring Gryffindor and Ravenclaw tables to turn their heads towards him.
"No way!" Hanbin exclaims, shifting his eyes every now and then towards his best friend, gauging his feelings, "Did you see who?"
Matthew scoots closer, causing the two Hufflepuffs to do the same. He looks around for a quick second before returning his attention towards them, voice low for only them to hear.
"Anton Lee!"
The two gasp at the mention of the student. Anton Lee, a housemate of Matthew's from Gryffindor, is well-known throughout Hogwarts as a star Seeker in their house's Quidditich team. Ever since his first year, Anton had already become immensely popular and sought after. So to be the subject of his affections would be, no doubt, a lot of students' dreams. Furthermore, he's a descendant of one of the last remaining pureblood families in the Wizarding World, someone who can complement Hao's pureblood status as well.
Jiwoong can't help but sink onto the table.
"Did Hao say yes?" Hanbin asks for him, knowing fully well that his best friend is very much curious to know the answer even if he wanted to put a deafening charm on himself, in fear of hearing the worst.
"I don't know," Matthew answers, "From what I heard, Anton has been approaching him for days. I wasn't able to get more concrete information from Taerae when he attended Divination since the Ravenclaws were seated at the other side of the room from where Hao was but all he can say for certain was that they were both smiling at each other a while ago. He even said Hao was bubblier than usual so...."
Hanbin turns to Jiwoong at that point, ready to comfort the other. Jiwoong beats him to it, already standing up.
He quickly makes his way towards the kitchen.
***
"Kim Jiwoong, sir, not to question your methods but Pinky thinks the eggs are over-beaten."
Jiwoong doesn't respond to the elf, focusing all of his frustrations towards the bowl in his hands, whisking the batter together as he keeps his teeth in a grit. He's holed himself up again in the kitchen, already having baked three sheet pans worth of smore-flavored brownies. Currently, he's whipping up the fourth batch and he has no idea if he'll stop by the fifth or sixth.
His head is completely clouded. He's upset, hurt, and admittedly heartbroken but, at the same time, his conscience is telling him that he has no right to be. It was inevitable, wasn't it? If Jiwoong wouldn't do anything, it was a matter of time before someone else would and from what he had just heard, someone else did.
Of course it had to be a Gryffindor. True to his house, he had the balls to ask Hao out.
He hates it but he hates himself more for lacking the courage to do anything for the past five years.
Five years. Jiwoong reviews the number over again in his head, biting his lower lip as his eyes prick with an imposing tear. It's been five years since he's been struck completely smitten by the Slytherin who somehow charmed him by just one look and a smile.
He remembers it so vividly as if it was only yesterday. The time, right before the Sorting Ceremony where Jiwoong's world would start to completely orbit around one person.
He was a nervous first year, not knowing what to expect as he stood in front of the entrance to the Great Hall. His parents, both half-bloods, assured him that Hogwarts will do him good, allowing him to hone his powers and other endeavors he wishes to pursue as it did to them. They both hoped that schooling would do their son some good as he had always been timid, preferring to be quiet than to make himself known. They hoped he'd be able to at least put himself out there and make a friend. Needless to say, they were ecstatic when they received an owl from Jiwoong which mentioned him making a friend named Sung Hanbin under the same house and managing to make a better name for himself throughout his six years at Hogwarts.
But despite what he's achieved, he keeps replaying that night in his head.
Amidst the chaos before the Sorting Ceremony, his eyes caught sight of him.
There, right by the stair railings with the back of his hand covering his laughing face, was Zhang Hao— petite, fair, and incredibly charming. Jiwoong didn't realize he was staring until the boy's eyes met with his and, at that moment, it was as if everything slowed down for him, the Earth started spinning on a different axis, and his world zeroed in on one thing.
That night, Jiwoong forgot his worries and all he wanted was to get close to him.
Five years and he never took himself up on that promise.
Five years since he started pining in silence.
Five years since he's been a coward hiding behind each and every anonymous gift.
"Should Pinky put the finished brownies into a container, sir?"
Jiwoong snaps out of his thoughts at the question, looking over to the house elf.
"Oh, yes. Yes please, Pinky," he sighs, grabbing the separate bowl of dry ingredients to incorporate with his wet one, "I think the brownies are cool enough to pack."
"Four in a pack as usual?"
Jiwoong nods.
"Do I set some aside for Zhang Hao of Slytherin, sir?"
Jiwoong stills, not exactly sure if he should.
Would it still be appropriate for him to keep sending Hao gifts even though he's already going out with someone? Wouldn't it be disrespectful to keep giving him anonymous presents when there's already a brave soul that asked him out? But then again, if his gifts suddenly stop, Hao would wonder. Sure, he's not consistent with the daily presents but Hao would soon wonder and if Hao suspects it's because Jiwoong knows he's going out with Anton without making it known to the entirety of Hogwarts, then Hao would start wondering how his secret admirer knew of it if there were only Ravenclaws and Slytherins during Divination which would then lead Hao to believe that his secret admirer is from either houses which Jiwoong was not. It could just stop at that but Hao would definitely start considering spreading gossip. Either way, it would seem like an invasion of privacy or him taking hearsay as fact. But would it really be hearsay if multiple people witnessed Anton asking Hao out?
He shakes his head from those thoughts, sighing.
"I'll pack it myself later," he tells Pinky, grabbing a deep tray to pour his brownie batter in, "I'll just finish this batch."
Pinky nods at him, starting their work to package the brownies by fours.
It was silent work after that, the only sound heard being small cardboard boxes getting folded and filled with brownies for the Hufflepuff to distribute in his common room. As the fourth batch of brownies bake in the oven, he helps Pinky with the packaging, internally debating with himself if he should still set some aside for Hao like usual.
And as if Merlin, himself, decided to make the decision for him, Jiwoong and the house elves suddenly hear footsteps loitering about outside of the kitchen. It didn't alarm them, really, students tend to pass by the kitchen often so for everyone inside, it wasn't something that they'd give too much attention to.
Jiwoong was on his ninth box of packaging brownies when he hears the kitchen door swing open, a voice he knows all too well breaking the comfortable silence that he and the other house elves have established.
"Ooh! Are those brownies that you have there?" Hao's voice echoes throughout the kitchen, making Jiwoong drop a brownie. Luckily, Pinky was able to catch it before it hit the floor.
"Hao?" the Hufflepuff accidentally mutters out, eyes wide as saucers as he takes in Hao's approaching figure, eyes fixated on the platter of desserts in front of him, "W-What are you doing here?"
Hao almost skips towards the work table, his lips bunching into a pout as he turns to Jiwoong.
"I got really hungry so I'm looking for food."
Jiwoong gives him a confused look.
"There's food in the Great Hall though?"
Hao thinks that answer over but his pout remains in place.
"For some reason I thought I'd rather go to the kitchen to look for some."
Jiwoong would press further but his head answers for him, nodding at Hao's answer.
"Is it okay if I have some? Or were you supposed to give them away elsewhere?" Hao's eyes move towards the boxes and the stack of finished packaged brownies.
Pinky then cuts in, answering for the Hufflepuff before Jiwoong could.
"Kim Jiwoong would be delighted to give you some!" the house elf says, grabbing a plate and putting four brownies on them, dutifully handing them to the Slytherin, "This sir loves to make brownies fo—"
Jiwoong shuts Pinky's mouth before the elf could confess much more in his stead. He knows damn well that the next words that would be spoken would be "for you" and Merlin forbid for Hao to know the sole reason why these brownies exist.
Hao didn't seem to pay attention to Pinky's succeeding words after being given the brownies, already humming in delight as he took a bite.
"These are delectable!" he takes another bite, "Though they taste quite familiar to the ones my anonymous suitor gives me."
Jiwoong's heart drops, his palms immediately sweating.
"Really, now? How- How can you say that?"
Hao takes one last bite of the first brownie, letting it linger on his tongue a little longer as his head tilts in thought. Hao proceeds to shrugs his shoulders.
"Hm, I don't know. Maybe I just miss them."
Thank Merlin he wasn't holding a brownie because he would have definitely dropped it again.
"Miss them?"
Hao tilts his head again as if to rethink the thought over. In the end, he nods in confirmation.
"Mm, yeah? Oh, the brownies, I mean. My secret admirer sends me gifts almost every single day. Some days, they're desserts. Other days, they're little trinkets like keychains or mini wood carvings," Hao seems to smile at the thought, clearly showing pleasure from recounting his received presents, "I don't know who they are but I'm grateful for them."
Silence soon takes over, Jiwoong not knowing what to say next. Before he could change the topic, Hao adds on to his last words.
"But if I'm going to be completely honest, I'd really want to meet them to tell them I won't be able to return their feelings."
Jiwoong's heart drops in an instant, his chances getting shattered for the second time that day. Hao doesn't seem to notice this, continuing.
"I've thought of sending them an owl regarding my sentiments but since I have no idea who were sending them, I couldn't. Honestly, I'm grateful for their gifts and I've loved every single one of them but it's not fair to them. I can't reciprocate anything if I don't know who they are," Hao shrugs, biting a second brownie, "But that's also.... amongst other things."
"Amongst other things?" Jiwoong repeats, raising a brow.
"Yeah..." Hao slowly confirms, "Amongst... other things."
Jiwoong leaves it at that, not wanting to know anything more if it's exactly what it's about.
Of course he'd reject me. He likes Anton Lee. There's no use in denying it.
Jiwoong feels his chest tighten, almost as if it was crushing within itself threatening to spontaneously combust under its own pressure. His shoulders started slumping, his head dipping to look at his tattered shoes against stone ground that seemed to contrast with Hao's shiny loafs. He immediately tries to pick himself up, not trusting himself to keep it together if he were to let himself simmer in his feelings for any longer. He raises his head but, still, doesn't dare to look at Hao in fear of breaking.
Silently, Hao enjoys his brownies but takes his time. Jiwoong decides to return to the task at hand, wanting to busy himself. By the fourth package, Hao speaks up again.
"You know, I've been thinking. Should I still go to the Yule Ball?"
Jiwoong stops what he's doing, stunned at what he's heard. He turns his whole body back towards Hao's direction slowly, as if trying to gauge the situation.
"W-What do you mean?" he stupidly stutters. Hao doesn't seem to mind it.
"Well, so far, I don't have a date yet but all of my friends do. Ricky has that pesky Griffyndor that's been courting him for weeks, Kuanjui got asked out by a housemate, and Wonbin had Anton Lee at his feet begging for him to go with him," Hao snickers at the last line, "Lucky bastard."
Jiwoong basically shoots up at the revelation, adrenaline pumping throughout the course of his veins and setting his spirit on fire. He stands up abruptly, shocking Hao.
"Anton is taking Wonbin to the ball?" Jiwoong asks in a shout, still surprised.
Hao looks at him weirdly but nods, nonetheless. He coughs out a bit before recollecting himself.
"Yes?" Hao confirms, "Anton's been bugging me every Divination class if Wonbin got asked out by anyone and I'd always tell him that Wonbin's been waiting for him. A while ago, he asked if I'd want to help him on his 'promposal' as Muggles would call it and of course I agreed. They just made it official right before I came here. Why is there anything wrong with Anton asking Wonbin out?"
Jiwoong can't help but break into a bright smile, the weight on his heart lifting almost instantaneously that he feels like crying. He knows Hao is looking at him like he's crazy so he quickly sits down, beaming a smile.
"No, nothing's wrong," he almost giggles in glee, "Everything's great!"
Hao eases into Jiwoong's newfound joy, nodding along.
"Well then do you have a date?" Hao carefully asks, now looking at the Hufflepuff through timid lashes.
Jiwoong is caught off guard but he doesn't let it show on his face, save for the flustered hue of red that's slowly creeping on his cheeks.
"No, I don't."
Hao nods slowly.
"Any particular reason?"
Jiwoong's newfound relief gives him the courage to crack a smile, looking at the Slytherin in the eye with half a mind to stop his mouth from running.
"Thought the person I wanted to ask was taken."
Hao's neck snaps to look at him, an unreadable look in his eyes that Jiwoong just can't seem to understand. It looked like a combination of many things. Surprised was definitely one of them but beneath it seemed like confusion and something else. Amongst other things.
"Oh," Hao replies, slumping, "I-Is that right?"
Jiwoong wants to slap his mouth for speaking without thinking. It makes all the nerves that disappeared return right back into his system. Hao seems to deflate and Jiwoong wonders if he's seeing things with how the Slytherin reacted. Carefully, he thinks his words over in his head.
"Any particular reason for your question?"
Hao visibly becomes flustered.
"Just.. wondering," he tries to avoid eye contact, giving Jiwoong a sure tell of his bashfulness, "Didn't think the golden boy of Hufflepuff would have a hard time getting a date."
Jiwoong can't help but snort, not only at the ridiculous title that people has called him but as well as the assumption that Hao has towards him in regards to finding a date.
"Well, I only want to ask one person out," Jiwoong finally admits, looking at Hao.
"Well, why haven't you?" Hao returns the gaze, looking hopeful.
Jiwoong cracks a timid smile.
"Well, up until a few minutes ago, I thought he had a date. Turns out," he looks the Slytherin in the eye, "He was just helping a friend out."
Hao opens his mouth to say something but quickly closes it, opting to straighten his posture and carefully gauge Jiwoong's answer too with a question of his own.
"Y-Yeah? Well weren't you courting them somehow?"
Jiwoong immediately answers with a shake of his head.
"I've sent them desserts, keychains, all of those small gifts just to make them smile but soon, I realized, I'm just hiding behind anonymity instead of being forward and letting him see me."
Hao's eyes visibly widen, his hold on the plate of brownies loosening that he had to catch himself before it could fall from his hand. He turns to Jiwoong, heart thumping against his chest.
"You—"
No turning back. Jiwoong tells himself.
"I've been the one owling you," the Hufflepuff finally confesses, eyes trying its best not to look away from Hao's surprised own, "I'm your secret admirer."
Hao's words seem to die on his tongue, so many thoughts obviously racing in his head that Jiwoong could even make out one of them just from a lucky assumption. Hao looks at the plate of brownies in his hand, then back to Jiwoong, a warm smile stretching across his lips.
"I've been waiting for you to say it."
It was Jiwoong's turn to have his eyes widen.
"W-What?"
Hao can't help but chuckle, raising the plate in his hands as he looks back at the Hufflepuff.
"I know how these brownies taste by heart and you're the only student in Hogwarts that spends his time in the kitchen, for Merlin's sake," Hao starts, approaching Jiwoong's space, "I know it's you who's sent me all these gifts. Your owl may be a snowy owl like many others but yours has the least noticeable black highlights on its feathers. And, Merlin, don't get me started on you looking at me. Every single time I receive something, I always see you looking at me in anticipation. Can't you make it any less obvious?"
Jiwoong's face must be totally red now because Hao giggles heartily, looking at him with a certain shine in his eyes that makes the Hufflepuff wonder if he's just seeing things. Still, Hao doesn't back away, only stepping closer.
"I've been waiting for you to say it," he repeats his earlier phrase, looking at Jiwoong in the eye, "I.."
Hao pauses, trying to still his breathing.
"I wanted to know if what I've been hoping for is true. That you like me."
"I do," he confesses after inwardly steeling himself, even a little surprised with himself with how fast he answered, "I really really like you."
"You do?" Hao asks, almost unbelieving, "You like me?"
Jiwoong nods simply, trying to not make his nerves obvious. "For the past five years."
Hao looks at him, silent. His hands tremble as he raises it to hold Jiwoong's shoulders, making the Hufflepuff hold his breath at the contact. Promptly, Hao swallows the lump in his throat.
"I like you too," the Slytherin inches closer, voice almost like a whisper that Jiwoong wouldn't even believe what he heard if he wasn't looking at the other, "For the past five years."
"Five years?"
Hao blushes even further, burying his face on top of the back of his left hand that's resting on top of Jiwoong's shoulder. Jiwoong feels Hao nod his head fervently, like a sort of vulnerability that the Slytherin is so glad to finally strip himself free off. Jiwoong finds himself lifting his arm to hover atop the expanse of Hao's back. For a second he falters but, ultimately, decides to act on it, embracing the other in his arms.
Hao looks up in disbelief but melts altogether as he snuggles closer.
Jiwoong has so many questions. He's still bewildered by the fact that the boy he's been yearning for for half a decade is here in his arms, clinging onto him like they've known each other for years. Like they've had conversations, exchanged familiar glances, and whispered dreams to each other before. But he doesn't dare air them out. Not yet, anyways. The moment is so fragile and new that Jiwoong wants nothing more than to make it last forever.
And it would have, if Pinky didn't chirp happily with the other house elves at the sight.
"Kim Jiwoong and Zhang Hao from Slytherin are embracing!" says the house elf, causing the other elves to perk their attention to the new couple.
"Kim Jiwoong is with the nice Slytherin now?" another elf says.
"Kim Jiwoong is finally with his crush!" another chimes in.
Jiwoong's face turns the deepest shade of red, flushed, and oh so embarrassed. He wants to tell Pinky and the other elves off, scream at them to knock it out so he can still save some resemblance of dignity but he hears Hao giggle and all threats die on his tongue.
"If I knew the elves were keeping your best kept secret, I would have ventured to the kitchen sooner." Hao says through a smile, looking at the Hufflepuff in the eye with a new shine.
Jiwoong sees it clearly now. Hao looks at him in the same regard that he looks at the Slytherin. His heart melts and combust all the same, slipping his hands to hold Hao's waist with nervous hands. Hao notices and smiles even wider, pulling even closer if he ever could.
"I just..." the Hufflepuff finally starts, ear tips going red, "I don't believe you've liked me for so long. Just as long as I've liked you," Jiwoong's eyes dart down in embarrassment, yet his hold remains on Hao's waist, "H-How? Why? When did this happen?"
Hao could barely get a word in before Jiwoong added another question.
"Won't your parents kill you for liking a half-blood?"
Hao couldn't fight the urge to hit Jiwoong on the shoulder, causing the other to flinch.
"Do you really think we still live in an era of Pureblood puritans? After all that has happened in our history? And what? Just because I'm a Slytherin?"
Jiwoong freezes.
"No, that's not what I meant I just—"
Hao sighs, cutting Jiwoong's ramble.
"Jiwoong, we're literally standing here right now because a pureblood fell so hard for a half-blood that he betrayed his side of the war to save him. Times have changed. Us getting together won't be a problem anymore for my family. I promise you that."
Jiwoong only nods, looking away, feeling a little ashamed for spouting out such nonsense.
Hao calms himself down, reaching out to hold Jiwoong's face into the cup of his hand, forcing the Hufflepuff to look at him. Though his next words had no preface, Hao can't think of any other way to make Jiwoong realize that it's okay.
"It was before the Sorting Ceremony when I first liked you. I caught you looking around and thought you were really cute. You had an adorable fringe back then you know," Hao giggles when he hears Jiwoong snort at the memory of his eleven year old self, "And I wanted to approach you sometime after the ceremony but Sung Hanbin was always around you. Always with you since first year."
Hao said the last line like a bitter pill, an obvious gnawing pang of envy laced in his words. It makes Jiwoong try to hold back a boyish smile to know Hao had felt this way for years. But then again, it also makes him want to punch Hanbin just because his best friend was the sole reason why it took them half a decade to get where they are. He'll revisit that thought when he sees the other Hufflepuff again.
"Then you became Hufflepuff's golden boy some time along the way and it felt like I can't reach you," Hao looks back at Jiwoong, "But I see how you look at me whenever your owl sends me gifts. I see how you anticipate for my reaction and, at first, I thought it was all in my head— that it was just curiosity like everybody else when I first started receiving them— but you always looked. I knew it had to mean something if I wasn't delusional."
Jiwoong tightens his hold on Hao.
"You weren't."
Hao smiles softly at the assurance.
"I wasn't."
Jiwoong inches closer, noses almost touching.
"I've always liked you."
Hao takes a sharp inhale but doesn't pull away.
"I've always liked you too."
Jiwoong wonders if Hao would let him move closer, eyes darting to the Slytherin's brown own as he looks down to his lips before going back up to meet his eyes. He hears Hao chuckle, pulling away.
"At least take me out to dance first before stealing a kiss," Hao teases, combing his fingers through Jiwoong's slightly disheveled own, "Oh, golden boy of Hufflepuff."
Jiwoong leans back with a smirk, finding it in him to relish in the title for the first time since being dubbed by it. He holds Hao closer by the waist, eyes settling in contentment and adoration that he knows Hao can feel. He thinks over the implicit invitation, thanking his lucky stars that he's not as dense as Hanbin to look over the implication.
"Zhang Hao, would you like to go to the Yule Ball with me?"
Hao happily bites back a smile, nodding his head.
"I would love to go to the Yule Ball with you."
***
"Anton, have you seen Hao?" Wonbin asks the question abruptly as he and the Gryffindor were sharing a treacle tart in the Great Hall. Anton doesn't look up from the plate where he was taking a portion of the slice to collect on his fork before bringing it up for the Slytherin to take.
"He went to ask Jiwoong out to the ball."
Wonbin shoots up in surprise.
"He did? Why didn't I know about this? What the hell got into him?"
Anton reveals the empty vial of Felix Felices in front of Wonbin, seeming to answer the other's questions with no further follow-up questions.
"He finally did it, huh?"
Anton smiles and nods his head, still holding up the fork with a piece of treacle tart.
"He did. Now, open up."
Wonbin obliges and accepts the forkful of tart, humming in glee for his friend finally making a move on his long-time crush.
[FIN.]