Chapter Text
“Noct, you have bandages in your bathroom right?” Prompto asks Noctis, sitting a few feet away from him on the couch in his living room and inspecting a spot on his arm, “I just realized I scraped myself or something, I’m bleeding a bit.”
“Yeah, yeah, go for it,” Noctis answers back, distracted by the game in front of him, eyes unmoving from the screen where he’s directing his magical swordsman fighting a crowd of shadow monsters, “When you get back I need you to look up a map for me, I am so lost.”
“It should be in the cabinet under the sink, Prompto,” Ignis calls out from the kitchen, not looking up from the pan he had on the stove, using chopsticks to deftly move and turn over some fish filets he was frying.
Gladio, laying across a single arm chair to the side of the couch, peers up at Prompto over the top of his book, eyebrows raised at the blonde questioningly. Prompto grins back at him and winks, fully aware of Noctis’ ignorance at their exchange before all but jumping off of the couch. He slinks over to the bathroom just off of the living room area, doing his best to not appear over eager to sell his plan.
Prompto closes the door behind him, releasing a heavy breath he didn’t realize he was holding as he works quickly to arrange the final parts of his latest plot to prank Noctis.
Ignis and Gladio both expressed mixed feelings of amusement and chagrin at Prompto and Noctis’ back and forth pranks directed at each other. However, so far neither teen suffered anything more than some minute embarrassment so their antics continued. Prompto and Noctis weren’t sure when this particular prank war would draw to a close but Prompto assumed it would eventually be a mutually agreed upon decision, perhaps after they hit some sort of peak.
For now, Prompto’s current plan was deceptively simple, requiring only some minor pre-planning and the funds to buy the veiniest and thickest nine inch dildo he could find online, but it was one that also could easily fail if Noctis even caught on to a hint of it. Prompto did need to ask Gladio for assistance buying the dildo. Thankfully he thought Prompto’s prank idea was funny and harmless enough and promised to keep his plan a secret as long as Prompto made arrangements for Gladio to be there when it happened. He was pleased that Gladio agreed to help him since asking Ignis to purchase the dildo would have been completely out of the question--Prompto could not imagine asking his crush of all people to purchase a sex toy for him, joke or not, and keeping a straight face.
Prompto had taken some time to stash the dildo in the bathroom when he and Noctis arrived at his citadel quarters after school, claiming he needed to pee when they stepped in. Carrying the dildo hidden in his backpack all day was a task in and of itself, let alone finding an inconspicuous place to hide it in the bathroom before he needed to use it.
Without further delay Prompto procures the dildo from the back of the sink cabinet, placed behind some spare toiletries, carefully maneuvering the swaying length so that it didn’t knock anything over. Prompto has to bite his lip to stifle his childish giggles just at the sight of it, the comically large dildo a tye-dye mix of hot pink and sky blue and covered in bumpy, criss-crossed veins and realistic skin wrinkles.
The flared base of the toy also doubled as a suction cup for the typical user’s convenience, but Prompto uses it to stick the fake cock to the back of the bathroom door. He measures the height of the placement against his own tallness, since Prompto was adamant that Noctis was only a couple of centimeters taller than him, making sure the dildo was at face level.
He has to hold back another laugh at how ridiculous the dildo looks suctioned to the door, the weight of the long toy causing it to droop slightly at the tip, the length wobbling precariously up and down. Prompto makes sure the door is unlocked and slightly open, taking a deep breath to steady himself.
“Hey, Noct, I can’t find your first aid stuff?” Prompto calls out with a raised voice, proud of himself for keeping a neutral tone.
“It’s in a box under the sink,” Noctis yells back, sounding still immersed in the video game.
“I really can’t find them, buddy,” Prompto grunts to sell his exasperation, “Could you help me please? I’m bleeding more than I thought.”
Prompto smiles wide when he hears the sound of the game menu opening up, signalling that Noctis took the time to pause the game. “I’m coming, keep your pants on.”
Prompto is waiting with bated breath as the sound of Noctis' footsteps approach him, the prince stomping his feet slightly as a show of his frustration.
“If I find it right away, I’m gonna be so pissed,” Noctis declares just as he reaches for the doorknob to swing the door out towards him quickly.
Prompto’s hands fly up to mask his shocked smile as the dildo smacks Noctis squarely across his cheek and nose with a resounding slap, the length trembling and shaking from the force of it.
“OH FUCK!” Noctis cries out, staggering back and falling to the hardwood floor with a loud thud.
Prompto and Gladio erupt into loud peals of boisterous laughter, Prompto gripping the edge of the sink to stop himself from completely collapsing to his knees on the bathroom tile.
Prompto’s laughter is deep, hearty, making his guts ache and leaving him gasping for air. Any time he thinks it’s passing or slowing down he just takes in the sight of the dildo still wiggling from the recoil or the bright red dick imprint across Noctis’ cheek and it renews.
Gladio seems to be in a similar state to Prompto, his face red and streaming with tears as he makes eye contact with the blonde. The larger man approaches Noctis with the intention to help but is still guffawing and falling over himself as he half-heartedly tries to get Noctis to his feet.
“What in the world?” Ignis comments, having left the kitchen to see the chaos that was taking place, his brows furrowing as he takes in the sight of the huge dildo stuck to the door and the Prince of Lucis on the ground.
“I’m gonna fucking wet my pants,” Prompto wheezes, voice high-pitched with the effort, struggling to get himself to his feet.
Ignis seems to make the connection of what took place as he sees the reddening mark on Noctis’ face, the corners of his lips turning up into an amused smile for a single moment, Prompto catching it just before it goes away. Ignis’ expression then changes to one of worry, going to Noctis’ side to assist Gladio with lifting him, the larger man’s shoulders still shaking with restrained snickers.
“Are you quite alright, Noctis?” Ignis asks, voice soft with concern even while his lips occasionally twitch into a slight smile, “I heard the sound of it hitting you all the way from the kitchen.”
“It’s not that bad,” Noctis grumbles, tenderly touching the slap mark on his cheek, “I was more surprised than anything.”
“Still got you good,” Prompto grins, finally pulling himself together, “You had no idea!”
“Noct, I don’t know if you want to get some ice on it,” Gladio suggests, biting his lower lip in an attempt to hide a smirk, “We don’t want that mark to last.”
“There’s a mark?” Noctis says, running over to the mirror in the bathroom to see his face, carefully maneuvering around the dildo. He frowns, face turning pink with embarrassment and anger when he sees the long narrow mark on his cheek, “Dude, you suck so much.”
Gladio curiously reaches for the dildo, grabbing it gingerly around the middle of the length and popping it off of the door with some effort, “Wow, this feels pretty solid. Thick. You sure it didn’t hurt you?”
Noctis grimaces. “Please don’t say it like that.”
“I’ll get the ice pack for you, buddy,” Prompto announces, feeling a pang of guilt in his chest at having actually hurt his friend, “You go back to the couch.”
Ignis nods, placing a hand at Prompto’s lower back to lead him into the kitchen, “I will assist you in preparing the ice pack. I will have to put dinner in the oven to keep warm for now, regardless.”
Prompto flushes at Ignis’ warm hand touching him in what would normally be an intimate spot but he mentally shrugs it off, chalking it up to how friendly Ignis always was. “Yeah, thanks Iggy.”
The slap mark does not go away by the next morning, Noctis waking up with his cheek still slightly red and sore. Ignis helps to apply some color correcting moisturizer to help mask it for him to attend school with Prompto.
At the very least the blonde is sincerely apologetic about the prank and vows not to plan anything in the future that could cause physical harm, which makes it hard for Noctis to truly be upset with his friend. At lunch the prince has to wave off Prompto’s continuous waves of apologies and promises to make it up to him, reminding Prompto that their friendship was intact and that they were still best friends.
Nevertheless, the wheels in Noctis’ mind have been turning most of the day, Noctis feeling the need to plan a worthy retaliatory prank that he could execute sooner rather than later.
Their writing teacher is lecturing them on the passage they were assigned to read for homework, Noctis usually taking this particular class as an opportunity to sneakily nap but finding himself more awake and alert than usual. He’s staring down at the blank notebook page before him, tapping the end of his pencil gently against the paper and trying to grasp any floating ideas for a prank.
He glances over at Prompto, catching the blonde staring down at his phone screen, which he had hidden beneath the desk and on his lap. Noctis just manages to make out that the messages Prompto is looking at are from Ignis, recognizing the glasses and heart emojis Prompto added to the end of Ignis’ name in his phone. Prompto’s lashes are lowered as he reads over the messages, thumbs occasionally tapping something out before he deletes it, the blonde spending a lot of time deliberating on what to say.
Noctis knows that Prompto has a crush on Ignis, having gotten the confession out of his friend during a late night conversation that got too deep, but Prompto was fairly subtle about it. Prompto handles his crush by keeping a respectful distance from Ignis, only texting him sporadically and fighting down blushes any time Ignis shows him positive attention. He did not like discussing his feelings towards Ignis much with Noctis, even when Noctis promised his friend to keep his secret. Noctis knew Prompto is far too shy to approach their older friend.
Noctis was not and is not interested in dating anyone at their school or at all outside of it. He instead lives vicariously through Prompto’s dating life, his friend having dated a boy from another class for about a year before breaking up and confiding in Noctis that he hooked up with a man in his mid-twenties a few times only last month.
The blonde is not currently seeing anyone as far as Noctis knows and probably wants a break from dating in general, a move Noctis approves of. The prince was not a fan of the way Prompto’s ex treated him and Noctis also was concerned when he heard about eighteen-year-old Prompto sleeping with someone considerably older as a rebound. Normally Noctis would leave Prompto to his own devices when it came to dating but he did express that he thought Prompto should stop talking to his older hookup, advice Prompto seems to have taken to heart since Noctis has not heard about it since.
Maybe Prompto could use some quality time with Ignis. Noctis also wants Ignis to return the offending dildo to Prompto anyway, which was currently collecting dust in his bathroom cabinet. This plan would effectively kill two birds with one stone.
Noctis feels a plan starting to click into place, a mischievous smile curving his lips as he stares down at his empty notebook, mind toying with a few ideas. He begins to write a vague script that he can rehearse for when he sees Ignis next.
Noctis thankfully only has to wait until later the same day to put his plan into action, almost ecstatic when he gets the text from Ignis that he was coming over to his apartment to check on him.
The prince makes sure to start to set the stage for his scene, anticipating Ignis’ arrival. He opens a couple of textbooks and his notebooks around on the couch and the coffee table where he’s sitting in the living room, making it look like he was overwhelmed with homework. In an added stroke of genius, Noctis texts Ignis that he has a lot on his mind, planting a seed of worry in his chamberlain’s mind.
Noctis opens up his laptop and works diligently on his homework to sell his narrative, making sure to still leave some of his assignments unfinished to shortly wrap up after his conversation with Ignis. His heart all but leaps into his throat when he hears the knob click open and turn at the entrance, Noctis taking a deep breath to brace himself.
“Your highness,” Ignis greets, voice accompanied by the crinkle of the paper bag filled with groceries, the tall brunette placing the bag on the island counter separating the kitchen from the living room. Ignis pauses a moment to look over at the Prince, Noctis feeling Ignis’ eyes on him as he turns back to his essay assignment. Noctis types out another sentence, giving the appearance of being fully immersed in his work. “You appear quite busy today. This looks far more than the usual amount of assignments you are normally given, is everything alright?”
Noctis heaves a sigh, shoulders rolling forward with the weight of it. “I don’t know Igs, I just feel like…” He hesitates purposefully, running a hand through his hair and mussing it, “Just something going on and it’s making it hard for me to focus on anything. I can’t get my homework done.”
When Ignis goes to take a seat at the armchair across from him, he leans forward to rest his arms atop his knees. Recognizing the pose as Ignis’ classic “concerned big brother” position, Noctis knows he’s got him. “Noctis, you know you can speak to me. About anything.”
“It’s about Prompto,” Noctis forces his lips into a frown to fight back the urge to grin, “It’s kinda… personal. I don’t think he’d want me to talk about it.”
“So long as no one is being harmed, I will keep it a secret,” Ignis’ eyebrows notch together, clearly stressing, “I might be able to help.”
“That’s the thing, he’s…”
“He is what?”
Noctis casts his eyes to the floor to feign nervousness at his admission, “I’m worried that Prompto is just doing a lot of weird and dangerous stuff… Like sexually.”
Ignis leans back, spine straight. “Sexually?” He echoes, the high points of his cheeks flushing pink.
“Yeah, like, he’s been sleeping around with a lot of people at school,” Noctis is grateful that his own blush would appear normal in this conversation, because there was no other way to say what he practiced, “I don’t think he’s even using condoms or anything, he complains about being in pain and it being rough, that kind of thing.”
“Is that all?” Ignis asks, voice giving the appearance of being invested and his green eyes widening with unease.
“Well, he also had an older boyfriend?” Noctis adds knowing that at least this part of his story was true, making it easier to sell, “Like he was sleeping with this guy that was far in his twenties, totally creepy vibes. Just worried about him being safe.”
“Of course,” Ignis breathes, blinking a few times to absorb the information, “Have you spoken to him about your feelings?”
“Well, yeah, but he just kind of waves off everything I say,” Noctis answers, “I don’t think he’s taking it seriously coming from me.”
Ignis’ expression shifts to one of determination, eyes sharp and lips pulled in a straight line. “I will speak with him.”
“No, Iggy, I don’t want him to know I told you,” Noctis gives the best protest he can, gesturing pleadingly, “I’m embarrassed I’m even letting this get to me. It’s stupid, I know, I’m just worried.”
Ignis shakes his head, resolute in his plan. “I will not mention that I gathered any information from you. As a friend, I am also concerned for his physical safety and if he is being coerced.”
Noctis offers a small smile at Ignis, fighting down a bigger shit-eating grin, “I’d appreciate that, Iggy. Thanks so much.”
“Of course. He is my friend, too,” Ignis gets up to ruffle Noctis’ hair affectionately, “I do not want you to stress about this any further. Is there anything else I may help you with?”
“I think I got it with my homework, I’ll try to narrow down what I have to do,” Noctis says, looking down sheepishly before meeting Ignis’ stare, “But, uh, I did want to ask if you could return Prompto’s dildo to him.”
Ignis nods, looking thoughtful, “Do you believe that he actually uses it?”
Noctis has to fight down a roar of laughter at the question, pressing his lips together in a tight line. “I mean, it’s possible.”
“Right,” Ignis’ lips turn downward, the flush returning, “I will get dinner ready.”