Chapter Text
With a deep sigh, Shinichi fell back onto one of the benches off to the side, as the bustling crowd slowly filtered out of the festival grounds. In the middle of the plaza, unperturbed by the people eyeing him with a mix of secondhand embarrassment and confused amusement, was Kuroba, dashing around pretending to be unable to catch Conan in their game of tag, their bright laughs only outshone by the glittering of Kuroba's ridiculous haori.
Shinichi was still reeling over how embarrassingly blind he had been. He should have known, from that very first moment he had laid eyes on that cocky IT guy standing in his doorway, with his gorgeous smile and his unending patience and his stupid arms; God his arms-
He felt his face heat up, and quickly shook his head to try and clear it.
He didn't really remember when he had begun to think of Kaitou KID as handsome, but he certainly remembered the first time he realized he was thinking it. Or, well, he remembered KID telling him he was thinking it anyway, right around the same time Shinichi found out that his inside-thoughts became outside-thoughts when he was drunk enough.
Around the same time that drinking away the day of his divorce became a yearly tradition, only so he could avoid having to deal with his feelings about it.
KID had been there for all of it. Cleaning up after him and making sure he didn't hurt himself any worse, with that unending patience of his that Shinichi had never felt he deserved.
It had been more than three years now. Three years he had wasted, desperately yearning for a life that had never been meant for him in the first place. He'd always thought it was Ran herself he was missing; and he did, sometimes. But only now - with KID's help, again, like with so many things - did he even begin to realize that he was missing what he thought they had had.
That he was being nostalgic for a time that had never been.
“What's going on in that big smart head of yours?”
Shinichi looked up, pulled out of his thoughts by Ran walking up to him with an amused look on her face. She was clearly just trying to avoid getting roped into the game of tag, now that her girlfriend had also enthusiastically joined, but Shinichi still managed to give her a lopsided smile in return.
“Too much,” he offered, and then amended, “as per usual.”
Ran huffed out a small laugh. It was an answer she had heard a million times before. Many years ago, she used to ask him to clarify, but Shinichi would never give her a proper answer, so she had simply stopped. For a man whose job it was to piece together information coherently, he had always been profoundly incapable of expressing himself.
But tonight, a lot of things were due to change.
“You look gorgeous,” he heard himself say the same moment he thought it, as he looked Ran over. She was wearing a lovely pink-and-white kimono with bright orchids embroidered on it, and had matching flowers decorating her pinned-up hair as well.
She really did look beautiful.
For a moment, Ran just stared at him in surprise, like she couldn't quite understand what she was hearing, but she managed to catch herself again.
“Why, thank you,” she decided on then, and gave a little spin to show off her outfit even better. “Masumi picked it out, actually. For someone who almost exclusively wears leather pants and jackets, she has quite good taste.”
“Obviously,” replied Shinichi with a shrug of his shoulders, as Ran turned back around to him. And before she could ask what he meant, he added, “she picked you, after all.”
That startled a laugh out of Ran, but when no punchline or even any remark followed, she shook her head in disbelief.
Shinichi couldn't blame her.
“What's going on with you tonight?”
“Nothing,” he still said, and while it wasn't entirely true, it wasn't really a lie, either. “I've just been thinking. And I'm-” He sighed, and suddenly found himself unable to look at Ran anymore. Instead, his eyes wandered over to where the game of tag was becoming a lot more intense, when Masumi decided it was time for her to hunt Kuroba in earnest. “I've just been thinking. About some of the things I said.” Shinichi frowned, and watched Kuroba leap over a bench to avoid being caught. “About many of the things I didn't say.”
Quietly, Ran sat down next to him on the bench; he knew exactly the face she was making. Waiting, expectantly, for him to explain, even though he never usually did.
“I'm-,” he began, and then couldn't bare watching the game anymore either. Instead he turned to the ground, where his shoes were digging into the coarse gravel. For several seconds, he could only chew on the inside of his lip, but finally, he said, “I'm sorry. That I didn't turn out the man you wanted me to be.”
Over Conan's bright laughter, Ran breathed out an almost inaudible, “Oh, Shinichi-”
“No, it's okay,” muttered Shinichi, shaking his head before to stop her from saying anything he didn't want to hear. “I guess, I just want you to know that-” He broke off, again, as the right words just didn't quite want to form. Finally, though, he managed to make himself look back at Ran, and say, “I know I never said it, but I really did love you.”
Something Shinichi didn't quite recognize flashed across Ran's face. In the very least, it wasn't the pain or the disappointment he had become so accustomed to. It was much softer.
She didn't say anything, but for once in his life, Shinichi knew exactly what she meant when she instead let her head drop against his shoulder.
They sat in comfortable silence for some time, just leaning against each other, watching their favorite people play a rigged game of tag without a care in the world. Until eventually, Ran said, “Are you at least happy now? With him?”
He felt Ran nod her head towards Kuroba, as though to clarify who she was talking about. Shinichi's eyebrows knit together in a frown.
“We're-” He cleared his throat. “-not dating, him and I.”
Ran's head shot off his shoulder. When he turned to look at her, Ran stared at him incredulous.
“What?” she asked, but didn't leave room for an answer. “You've been pining for each other for years, what do you mean, you're not dating? Does Kaito-san know that?”
“Wha- Ran.” Shinichi felt his face fall, unable to completely follow what on earth she was saying. “I- We don't- I've only known him for, like- a few months-”
“Shinichi, please, you don't have to pretend, I know he's-”
They both fell silent at the same moment, just staring at each other. Shinichi felt like a deer caught in headlights and was sure he looked like it, too; Ran, however, seemed more surprised than anything. She was the first one to find her voice again, too, when she seemed to realize something.
“Shinichi, do you-” She actually breathed out a laugh. “Do you not know he's Kaitou KID?”
“Ran!” Shinichi immediately sputtered, looking around them as though there was anyone still around to hear them. There was, predictably, no one. “No, of course I know! I've known for-” He glanced at his watch. “Like two hours now-”
“Shinichi!”
“What?” He threw his arms up in defeat, as Ran tried to stifle her own chuckles beside him. “How on Earth do you know?”
“My best friend has been making googly-eyes at him for, like, a decade now, Shinichi,” she explained, with a kind of fond exasperation in her voice he hadn't heard in a long time. “And for at least half that time, he's had eyes for no one but you. I'd recognize that man anywhere.”
Shinichi opened his mouth to say something in his defense. Maybe at least explain himself. But really, there was nothing he could say that wouldn't make the situation even more embarrassing.
It really had been that obvious the entire time.
So he sighed, and dropped his face into his hands, if only to hide how red he felt it turning under Ran's scrutiny.
“You should talk to him,” she said then, carefully patting him on the shoulder as she got up from the bench.
“I will,” muttered Shinichi through his hands. At least that much he had already decided on. “Tomorrow. After his show.”
Ran breathed out another laugh, but at least, didn't say anything else. When Shinichi looked up again, she was already on her way to where Kuroba was now picking up Conan and over himself to sit him onto his shoulders in one fluid motion, their game apparently having come to an end.
Kuroba seemed out of breath, but once his eyes found Shinichi's, a broad grin found its way onto his face.
Shinichi couldn't help but smile back.