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In the cold of night, everyone had been dealt with. The warden had thoughtfully looked over every request, taking into consideration if prisoners should be allowed to ask for planks or saws -- courtesy of Prisoner 008.
However, at night, nobody needed the assistance of the warden. It left Es feeling without much purpose. Of course, they could go to sleep, but there was still so much to be done. After all, Es felt as if their work was never truly done, and what kind of warden would leave a job half-done? A useless warden, that is who.
The thought of doing all of these things makes Es's limbs feel heavy. They shake their head, rolling over in bed. Things like this shouldn't affect the warden.
How can Es be expected to deliver verdicts when they're exhausted? It's not logical, and strangely, Es finds themselves a little irritated at the thought of Prisoner 005, Shidou agreeing.
They look over to their nightstand, a simple metal arrangement placed right beside their bed. It's quite un-warden-like of them, but earlier in the day, they had slipped a few blades in their pocket after getting a shipment of prisoner requests (they had written in their own request for it).
After observing Prisoner 004, Kusunoki Muu's music video, and looking into the smaller details, Es started to get curious. They don't remember much from before they ended up here, and things like that are human experiences that most people probably experience.
Maybe it would stoop them down to the prisoners' level, but the exhaustion of overwork and the fog of a sleepy, teenage mind keeps Es curious.
And so, Es rolls down their shorts.
They place the clothing neatly to the side, and they pick up the blade. It's cool to the touch, and feels light enough to not be able to do any damage.
When Es looks down at themselves, they observe their body.
Maybe it's out of deeper curiosity, a desire to explore themselves, Es gently runs their hand over their slim thigh. They hadn't thought of their body much before -- it was just theirs. However, in the cold of night, they find themselves wanting to be warm.
The warden squeezes the flesh. It's soft, but there isn't much to squeeze. Pale.
They wonder if any of the prisoners see them sexually. If so, that would be deserving of punishment, but it makes them tremble with the thought of attention.
No point in observing something so small.
Es steadies their hand, picking up the blade and ever-so-gently pressing it against their skin.
It doesn't do much. When Es pulls it back, it only leaves a thin line of red and puffy skin surrounding the surface-level cut. Es huffs, determined to make this worth it.
Instead of pressing down, Es swipes the blade from left to right quickly, hard. It leaves a small slit, and it instantly starts to bead with little, vibrant pearls of crimson.
It doesn't hurt at first, but after a few seconds, it starts to sting. Es toys with their lower lip using their tongue mechanically, attempting to understand.
"... If I did this on my wrist... would that make me any less of a warden?" Es murmurs, only to themselves. Nobody else is listening, anyways.
Es swipes again, harder. It looks the same, if not slightly longer horizontally. Es's breath hitches as if they have discovered something new, even though they had already done it thirty seconds prior.
And then, once more. A little deeper.
It looks the same. How do people get it so deep, Es wonders? Why would you want to hurt yourself that badly?
Es swipes again.
It's not like it feels particularly good. You would have to be some kind of idiot to enjoy something like this.
Another.
Honestly... is this what teenagers do in real life? Es thinks.
Another.
Isn't it kind of pathetic?
And then, this time, Es sees faint white show up. Their eyes dilate instantly, and blood fills the wound, beading and congealing.
"..."
"It's pretty," They whisper, running a finger over it. Their fingertip stains red.
"Am I really...?"
Es feels their issued undergarment getting slightly more damp. They shiver, looking around the room as if they expect someone to walk in and stop them. Maybe they're expecting Mahiru to stumble in with a cup of warm milk, and to gently chide them as she wraps their thigh. They might also be expecting Shidou to enter and instantly start cleaning their wound, muttering something about how Es should be more careful, and Es could respond with an annoyed "I can take care of myself" or "You are a prisoner, and I am the warden". They might be expecting Jackalope to hop in and for the barrier to kick in.
However, none of that happens. It feels wrong.
"Displaying... symptoms of arousal," Es says quietly, their eyelids fluttering. They notice the beading blood dripping down the side of their thigh, but they couldn't care less about their sheets at the moment. "I'm wet." They remark, somewhat unsure with this revelation.
In a moment of sudden curiosity, Es touches themselves. They gently graze the end of their genitals, and they feel their breath hitch despite the taboo of it all.
"I'm... a warden," They say incredulously.
Ignoring their own words, they start to rub themselves. Of course, they don't know how. They fumble around a bit, the apples of their pale cheeks flushing softly.
When their small fingers find something that makes them shudder, they tease at it incessantly to find a reaction. Their lower abdomen tightens, and they stare at the wounds on their thigh, playing with the wetness that has accumulated in their undergarments.
"Mm..."
Es finds themselves gasping, and after a bit of messing around, they start to tense rhythmically.
"Mmn... ah..."
And after another few minutes, they guide themselves to a "half-climax". They don't know how to really make themselves cum, so they just keep going until they tense up and get exhausted.
"..."
Unfortunately, once they're done, they look around. No bandages.
"Do I really have to...?"
Es gets out of bed, dressed in only their damp undergarments and a button-up sleep shirt provided by Milgram.
They walk down to the restroom destined for staff only (which feels redundant, as Jackalope clearly cannot reach a sink or toilet), and thankfully, nobody sees.
Es uses toilet paper they soaked with water to clean the wounds, and they use bandages they found in the cabinet to stem the bleeding and wrap the cuts.
Once they've deemed themselves sufficiently cleaned, they sneak back to their bedroom, nearly stumbling upon a wandering Kazui. They manage to stay out of the older man's sight, and they make it back to their bedroom, where they promptly collapse into bed.
That night, Es is left dreamless, and they wake up the next morning with a sore thigh.