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make me a match, find me a find, catch me a catch

Summary:

Max had been in a rut since their return from Wonderland. It didn’t make sense. The thing that had been bothering him his whole life—everyone thinking he was just like his father—had been fixed! His efforts in stopping his dad had earned him overnight respect in Auradon, and any thought that he was going to go mad one day had been purged from people's minds. Yet something was still bothering him; Hazel could tell.

// Hazel makes a realization before Max and Luis do. Matchmaking antics ensue.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

Hazel had a plan.

Of course, she always did. She was captain of her very own crew, after all. And when one of her crewmates was in distress—say, a certain hat-donning asshole—she knew she had to do something to fix it.

Max had been in a rut since their return from Wonderland. It didn’t make sense. The thing that had been bothering him his whole life—everyone thinking he was just like his father—had been fixed! His efforts in stopping his dad had earned him overnight respect in Auradon, and any thought that he was going to go mad one day had been purged from people's minds. Yet something was still bothering him; Hazel could tell.

She first noticed it at lunch.

Her crew and Red’s crew had decided it was much easier to merge their tables rather than scream at each other from separate ones, leading to a massive Franken-table being created in the corner of the cafeteria. Hazel sat near the edge, Chloe to her right and Max across from her. Instead of eating, he was picking at the food on his plate, looking like he was trying to explode it through intense stares and small, frustrated twitches of his mouth.

She decided it was nothing, that he was having a shitty day and would be fine tomorrow.

He wasn’t fine tomorrow.

Hazel, Max, and Luis shared the same fifth-period class, Fairy Godmother’s lecture in Magical History. Max and Hazel were never big on showing up, much to Luis’s displeasure, only coming right before a big test to get some last-minute knowledge. That’s why they were there now, Hazel desperately scribbling notes on a random piece of scratch paper in a desperate attempt to retain something that would help her not fail the upcoming midterm.

Max was not. Instead, he was staring at the back of Fairy Godmother’s head as she scrawled something Hazel didn’t quite understand onto the chalkboard. His gaze was so intense she thought they might be psychically communicating.

She ripped off the corner of her paper, quickly writing down the words, "I’m not sharing my notes with you," and passing it to Max as subtly as possible. She watched out of the corner of her eye as he read it and snorted. He flipped it over, wrote something down, and passed it back.

"I’m aiming to fail. Someone has to stay with Luisa Jr."

It was Hazel’s turn to snort. They both knew that, despite his perfect attendance—save for the days they spent saving Wonderland—Luis was failing worse than either of them. Apparently, every single person in your family having a magical ability of some kind did not mean that you understood anything about its history or how it worked.

Obviously, that wasn’t the real reason Max wasn’t paying attention, but given that he was still joking around, Hazel wasn’t too worried yet. She figured that a Max who was still taunting HKs was a Max who was going to be okay.

When it finally clicked, they were all gathered in Red and Chloe’s dorm room for a Pink-enforced movie night.

Max was acting like his perfectly normal, pre-saving-Wonderland-induced-funk self, half-heartedly pouting and staring out the window after Red had told him off for trying his hat tricks on Pink.

"Stop trying to scam my sister. I know you don’t need money that badly," she chided, snatching the money back and handing it to Pink.

"It’s not about the money," Max responded, smirking mischievously.

And then Luis walked in, almost twenty minutes late.

"Aren’t you HKs supposed to be punctual and all that 'good' junk?" Hazel teased, spinning her hook around her finger absentmindedly as she looked him up and down.

"Go take it up with Coach Jenkins," Luis huffed, clearly exhausted from bolting across campus directly after a two-hour-long practice. He plopped down in the window seat next to Max, who visibly jumped at the intrusion. Max wasn’t the type to be jumpy; it was something that got trained out of you the moment you became conscious on the Isle.

Something was definitely wrong, and it was only wrong when Luis was around. So Hazel, being Max’s best friend and fearless leader, did the only reasonable thing and cornered him after his practice the next day.

"Hazel? What—"

"Shut up," Hazel snapped, holding her hook up to his throat. "What did you do to Max?"

"Max? What’s wrong with Max?" Luis questioned, backing up as she moved closer to him, eyes wide at the seemingly random threat.

"I don’t know, but I know it’s your fault! Every time you enter a room, he gets all weird. I told you already—" She jabbed the hook closer. "You diss my crew, you’re not gonna like the lesson the Smees and I will teach you."

"I didn’t 'diss' Max! Look, I don’t know what’s up with him, but I had nothing to do with it. I like him!"

Hazel frowned. Luis seemed sincere, with no held-back shit-eating grin threatening to break out, no avoiding eye contact, no restless fidgeting. In fact, he seemed a little too sincere about his "like" of Max.

Hazel laughed. "I see what this is," she said, smiling as she lowered her hook.

"Hazel, look, I’m kinda wiped after practice, and I don’t really feel like having another dance battle. Not that I wouldn’t win anyway," he added, smirking.

"You didn’t even win the first time," she said, rolling her eyes. "But don’t worry. I’m not gonna challenge you to a rematch. Not right now, anyway..."

"You’re not?" he asked, his expression shifting back to confusion.

"Nope. I know you didn’t do anything to Max."

"You—what?" Luis questioned, completely baffled at this point.

"You like him too much," she said in a teasing tone, making sure to emphasize "like" as much as she possibly could. Luis’s eyes went wide, but she cut him off before he could protest. "I’m not gonna say anything. For now."

Luis nodded gratefully. "Can I go change now? Or am I at risk of a hook to the back of the head if I turn around?"

Hazel snorted. "Go. No hook-induced injuries today. Can’t make any promises about the future, though, so... watch out."

She spun her hook around her finger teasingly as Luis rolled his eyes and walked into the locker room.

With that, Hazel walked to Max and Felix’s dorm as fast as she could. The dorms at Auradon Prep had no locks on them, something about it being dangerous if there was another emergency and students couldn’t be reached. So when she arrived, she slammed the door open and headed straight to Max’s bed. Max was curled up in the corner, boredly fidgeting with his hat, spinning it on his finger and tossing it up and down. Felix was nowhere to be seen, which worked in her favor.

"Hazel?" Max asked, cocking his head in confusion at the sudden intrusion.

"What is wrong with you?" Hazel demanded, plopping down on the edge of the bed and crossing her arms.

"What’s wrong with me? You just burst into my dorm with no warning!"

"Yes, what’s wrong with you? You’ve been acting off ever since we got back from Wonderland!"

"Again, you just slammed open my door with zero warning, and I’m the one acting off?" Max pressed his lips together to hide the playful smile brewing, but Hazel saw right through it and smacked him in the arm.

"Stop deflecting! You are acting weird, and it’s only when Luis is around! I mean, I tried threatening him, and he acted like he didn’t know shit, but if he did something..." She dragged her hook lightly across Max’s throat, the implication clear enough.

"You—" Max paused and sighed, rubbing his eyes. "Luis didn’t do anything, unless you count his usual personality as something worth beating him up for."

"It is."

"Well..." Max rolled his eyes and focused on playing with his hat again.

"So if Luis isn’t doing anything besides being mildly annoying..." Hazel prompted, tilting her head at him.

Max sighed and shrugged. "I don’t know. I feel sick whenever I’m around him. I guess he just annoys me that badly."

He didn’t seem annoyed talking about it. Actually, he had an almost fond tone when talking about Luis, one he hadn’t used before.

And that’s when Hazel’s plan formed.

She needed to get these two dumbasses to talk to each other properly and realize what was going on. If she didn’t, Max would never figure it out, Luis would never say something organically, and Hazel would be stuck with this unspoken knowledge forever. Secrets were great leverage to have, but not when they were going to drive her insane, like her friends having weird tension for the rest of time.

The first phase of the plan was to recruit an HK.

Luckily for her, Pink kept her door open at all times.

"Pink!" she called, leaning against the doorframe.

"Hazel! You have to try one of these," she said, turning around from her makeshift baking station with a cupcake in hand. Hazel didn’t know how, but Pink had set up a mini oven without any fire hazard complaints from Uma. She doubted Uma was unaware; she seemed to know anything and everything. Maybe she had better things to worry about, like making sure the school wasn’t being threatened for a fifth time.

Hazel strode over, accepting it without hesitation. Pink was many things, good and bad, and a baker was definitely high on the list.

"I need your help." She leaned in, lowering her voice despite no one else being in the room. "But you have to be able to keep a secret." She held a finger up to her lips, emphasizing her point. Pink’s eyes widened with intrigue as she nodded, suddenly looking the most serious Hazel had ever seen her.

"I have it on good authority that Max and Luis are, well..." She made some vague hand gestures.

"Together?!" Pink shouted, her hand rushing to cover her heart in shock.

"Pink! Open door!" Hazel chided, shushing her.

Pink moved her hand up to her mouth, effectively restraining herself from another outburst.

"Not together," she continued. "Yet. That’s why I need you. I have a plan."

Pink nodded, accepting her role.

The first phase of the plan was officially complete. Now it was time for phase two: convincing Max and Luis to meet up somewhere to hang out with her and Pink.

It wasn’t particularly hard. Hazel texted Max, telling him that she was planning on meeting up with friends and that he should come, or else she would be stuck with losers and nobodies the whole time. She assumed Pink did the same to Luis, sans the losers-and-nobodies part.

Phase three was to meet up, then pretend something came up and leave Max and Luis alone together long enough that something might happen while watching from a distance, of course. She wasn’t going to miss something as great as Max finally getting his shit together. Pink just seemed thrilled to watch something good happen to her friends.

It was going great so far. They’d picked the Enchanted Lake to meet up at, somewhere secluded where Max and Luis wouldn’t have to worry about talking freely and filled with tons of great hiding spots. So far, the hangout had consisted of Pink watching in amusement as Hazel tried to drown the boys. As fun as it was, the sun was going to set, meaning they had to act soon.

"You know," Pink called from the gazebo where she was wrapping herself in a towel, "Red showed me this great spot we could dry off at before the sun goes down. But it’s kind of a..."

She paused, looking at Max and Luis.

"Girl secret."

Max raised an eyebrow skeptically, and for a minute Hazel was worried he wasn’t going to buy it. Girl secret? Really, Pink? She knew she should’ve been the one to come up with the lie; she was so much more experienced at it.

Thankfully, Luis was more trusting than Max. "Okay! Well, don’t take too long. Trust me, you do not wanna be wandering those woods in the dark."

"What? Think we can’t handle ourselves?" Hazel taunted, narrowing her eyes at him as she climbed out of the lake. "In case you forgot, I’m stronger than you."

"Really?" Luis questioned, a challenge in his tone.

"I seem to remember beating your ass back in Wonderland."

Pink crossed her arms, trying to appear intimidating in support of Hazel. "Yeah! We can handle ourselves!"

She grabbed Hazel’s arm and dragged her off toward the woods.

"Girl secret? You might be the worst liar I’ve ever met, Princess," Hazel whispered judgmentally. "I don’t know how they bought that."

Pink silenced her by placing a hand over her mouth as she pulled her into the perfect little spot to watch from. Hazel licked her hand.

"Hazel!" she gasped, pulling a handkerchief out of her pocket to wipe the spit off. It was pink and had a little P embroidered in the corner because Pink probably didn’t own a single thing that wasn’t, well, pink.

"Shhh! It’s about to get good."

The first thing Hazel noticed was that Luis offered Max his hand to help him out of the water. Being that it was Max, he didn’t take it, but he did shoot him an acknowledging look.

"Progress already," Pink whispered.

Unfortunately, because of the distance, they couldn’t catch much of the boys’ conversation, only observe their actions.

Max bent down to pick up a towel and, lightning-fast, turned around and chucked it at Luis’s head. After shouting what Hazel could only assume were obscenities, Luis spun the towel, wrapping it into a tight, rope-like shape, and swung it at Max, who was currently dying of laughter. He noticed just soon enough to catch it, grabbing onto the end and pulling. For once, Luis’s muscular build was actually useful, making him too heavy for Max to fully knock over. Instead, they were pulled close together. Incredibly close together. Of course, both of them were too stubborn to drop their ends of the towel, leading to an intense and vaguely steamy stare-down.

"How long are they going to—"

"Shut up," Hazel silenced Pink with a finger to her lips. "It’s about to happen."

Suddenly, Luis was talking, and Max was dropping his end of the towel and backing away, leaning against one of the gazebo’s pillars. He tilted his head and looked at Luis with the most confused expression she had ever seen from him, and then it hit. She watched in real time as Max’s face went from confused to annoyed to, oh, shit, that’s what that feeling is.

They stayed silent and unmoving for what seemed like eternity. Hazel thought for a second that they might not say anything at all and just wait awkwardly until she and Pink returned.

But then Luis walked toward Max. He grabbed his face, and Max let him, something that made her almost burst out laughing. She had seen one person besides her try to touch Max’s face before, and it had resulted in Felix’s nose bleeding from how hard he was pushed into the nearest wall. But here, with Luis doing it, he didn’t seem uncomfortable at all. In fact, he seemed content.

Pink gasped loudly as phase four officially became a success.

The two watched as Luis leaned in, kissing Max softly, and then harder as Max grabbed his shoulders to pull him closer.

Hazel looked away, slightly disgusted at watching her best friend kiss someone but also so proud of herself. Him too, for accepting love and care from another person after not doing so his entire life, but mostly herself for her amazing planning and scheming.

It was time for the best and final phase: gloating about how well the other phases had gone.

"How is it that I’m so good at everything I do?" she asked, holding up her fist for Pink to fist-bump. She did so enthusiastically, practically vibrating with excitement at their plan working so perfectly.

"Oh. My. Hearts. Hazel, we did it!" she practically squealed, shaking Hazel from side to side.

"What can I say? My plans are always flawless. Now let’s go before they figure out that we’ve been stalking them."

"I think they’re too distracted," Pink said, giggling as she offered Hazel her hand. She accepted, letting Pink pull her to her feet. They headed back down to the gazebo where Max and Luis had, thankfully, stopped kissing and were finally drying themselves off without throwing towels at each other.

"All dried off?" Luis asked, holding up another towel just in case.

"Yup!" Pink said, shooting him a thumbs-up.

They waited for the boys to finish drying off, then started on their journey back to Auradon Prep. Pink walked in front with Max trailing not far behind her. Luis hung back, choosing to walk with Hazel.

"I know you had something to do with this," he said, low enough that Max couldn’t hear. "I’m not dumb."

"Could’ve fooled me," Hazel teased. "What tipped you off? Was it the secret girl dry-off spot? You know, I told Pink that was a horrible lie."

"You’re telling me there’s not a secret spot girls go to dry off?" he joked back, smiling. "But anyway, thank you."

"Anytime."

She paused for a second, and they walked in silence, listening to the ambience of the forest.

"My helping you doesn’t free you from the pain you’re going to receive if you do anything—and I mean anything—to hurt Max."

"Wouldn’t dream of it, Captain." And with a dorky two-finger salute, he was off to catch up with his new boyfriend.

She wasn’t quite sure what Max saw in him, but as long as he finally got Max out of this rut, she would stand by her plan.

God, it felt good to be right.

Notes:

Mind if a pirate and a princess fujo out?

I feel like I kinda lost my touch when I got to the actual confession part, which sucks, but whatever. Hazel is still funny in the first half.