Chapter Text
I watch the stream’s feed as Soup jumps in to the end portal. Time for another boring Enderdragon fight. I haven’t had a turn for control in WEEKS! It’s starting to annoy me, honestly. I’ve been screwing with the other members of the chat more than usual to keep myself entertained.
<SIDIsquish> I’M BACK FROM THE KITCHEN! シ✮
<ConzerCheez> I’m not even surprised anymore.
<Feargey6647> :pepefear:
<SOUPBEGONE31> STOP THAT I MISSED A GOOD SEED BCUZ OF YOU
On another note: my mental ‘kitchen’ has been getting more and more blurry lately, and I’ve been having trouble getting there! My best guess is it probably has something to do with that weird far-away feeling that’s been pestering me. Eh- it could be worse. It’s not like I’m able to eat the food I get anyway.
If I lose the ability to leave the stream, I can always pretend. It’s not like anyone would know the difference.
I just want to see Assimilation from outside the stream, feel that living, breathing warmth that being an android doesn’t allow for. I need to feel alive, and I can’t do that through a chat window. Millie doesn’t know about the stream; he doesn’t even know I exist!
I know Assi can tell when one of us takes over the body, at-least somewhat. We all act different, after all. When Fear is in-charge, Andre tends to just sit around and stay silent, not doing much, like a nice break for the body; though I know very well he doesn’t like having control. Soup, our ‘super-ego’, is always speed-running, only talking when it saves time, and only typing in the stream chat to yell at us when we distract her. Conzer represents consciousness and is honestly the most productive, second only to Ego, going mining and looking for underground resources, staying social in-chat and as Andre. Speaking of Ego: Ego is mainly focused on getting surface or underwater loot, like wood, sand, gravel and flint, or mob drops.
I’m mainly in charge of our mood, as the ‘ID’, or whatever the Admins called it. I cook us good food, build, decorate, and am the most social with Assi’, which I pride myself in! It’s a good and working system.
Sometimes two or more of us will be fighting about what to do, and Ego acts as our mediator! Soup and I have never really got along, but we both are complete opposites, so I suppose it makes sense. I sometimes wonder what it would be like if we didn’t have Soup in the way of everything.
They really annoy me.
<SIDIsquish> Ugh how much longer???? I’m getting bored •, _ •,
<ConzerCheez> I think we should stop speedrunning for a bit after this one, we’ve been at it for almost the whole day.
<Xx_E-G-O_xX> Yeah, probably for the best- we need some rest, and I think Sidi is getting restless lmao
<SOUPBEGONE31> fine
<SIDIsquish> YAY!!!!!!!!☻♡♡♡
I watch as Soup places the final bed, taps it, and watches as the enderdragon finally dies. We stand in the portal, waiting for the body of the beast to finish disintegrating. It’s nothing unique, I’ve seen it thousands of times, but it’s still a beautiful and poetic sight. The wings are first, crisping and crumbling, and then the horns and the tail. It slowly moved to the feet, dusting them to nothing, and finished off with the heart of the beauty.
I hear a click, watching as our body falls through the portal, fading our vision to the credits screen.
I blink as the timer shuts off, reading a final time of 39 minutes. Not bad, but it could be better, especially by Soup’s standards. I know that she-
Wait.
I blinked?
I BLINKED! FINALLY, I’M BACK IN MY BODY! God it’s been so long! I glance up at the chat window to see everyone else’s reactions as we load back into our survival world.
<SOUPBEGONE31> WHO TOOK OVER
<Xx_E-G-O_xX> Not me- Conz?
<ConzerCheez> Not me.
<SIDIsquish> FINALLY
<Feargey6647> :pepefear:
<Xx_E-G-O_xX> LMAO ITS SIDI
<SOUPBEGONE31> I DONT WANNA THIRD WHEEL AGAIN
<ConzerCheez> LMAO
<SIDIsquish> ASSSSSIIIIIIIIIIII✮♡✮♡♡♡♡♡
<SOUPBEGONE31> GOD
I giggle as the world finishes loading in, before immediately rushing into the cherry wood house I built for me and Assimilation. I throw open the door and jump onto the bed, rubbing my face into the soft pillows and fluffy blankets. I feel the air around me, and admire when sensation I do have, despite it being dulled by the mechanical body I’m forced to be housed in.
I hear footsteps behind me, blurred by the whirring of the fan under my bangs. I admire the shimmering colors around me, and the feeling of the comfy covers once more before sitting up to face Assimilation.
They were looking at me, staring into my eye with theirs. They were so real, flesh and blood and whatever else entities were made of, while also being filled with warmth and compassion comparable to none. The buzzing of my cooling systems worked just a little harder whenever I got ahold of the body.
<SOUPBEGONE31> you simp bruh
<Xx_E-G-O_xX> Go get em’ tiger, or whatever they say!
“You did good today.” They pause. “You are getting faster, Andre.” Their eye turns up at the corners, their imitation of a smile.
<SOUPBEGONE31> ok fine go romance or whatever.
<ConzerCheez> Gotta feed superego to win lmao
<SOUPBEGONE31> I hate you all
<Feargey6647> :pepefear:
“AWWE! THANK YOU ASSI’!” I grin, jumping out of my sitting position and running up to hug them. They return the hug and I take a second to listen to their real heartbeat and feel the warmth of their skin.
“Of course, you are very good at speedrunning Andre.” They wait for me to pull away from the hug.
It’s been so long though.
I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready.
They’re so real, and I’m so not. Being around them is the only thing that anchors me to reality, and I feel like the second I pull away I’ll lose them again. It’s hard being stuck inside the chat for hours on end, where I know I’m fake, where boredom and crippling loneliness overcome me. It’s hard when I’m alone in this body, too, where I can hear metal, and gears, and buzzing, and feel gentle but numbed pressure from the bolts drilled into Andre’s arms. But when I’m here, right here, in their arms, I can just be. I’m not a twitch-chatter, I’m not an android programmed just to speedrun, I’m me. I’m Sidi, a conscious being moving through life like any other human should be. I’m someone who experiences hardships, happiness, and enjoys baking. I’m someone who has struggled with their identity, but it’s okay, because I know I’m real. I know I’m real when I’m here in their presence.
The idea of ever leaving this permanently is so terrifying, and I feel that fear every day I’m not next to them, no, every second I’m not next to them.
<Xx_E-G-O_xX> You alright, Sidi?
I didn’t respond.
I let Assimilation go from the hug, who looked mildly concerned at my behavior. I know they’ve gotten used to my clinginess, but I admit, that was a long hug, and anyone would be worried if someone hugged them that long without talking, letting go, or even glancing around.
I smile as brightly as I can, hoping they drop it and brush it off. I grab their hand, admiring the radiating comfort, and drag them to the kitchen.
“Okay! We need a good hearty meal! What would’ja like, Assi’?” I lean into my words with a little head tilt, to show just how fine and dandy I am! I’m ID, after all, that’s my job!
They blink once, then twice, and I get nervous for just a moment, wondering if maybe they can tell I’m not feeling the greatest, but they quickly shake it off and answer me.
“I know you like baking, Andre.” They look at me. “I can cook some chicken while you bake something for dessert, if you’d like.”
I can’t help but imagine myself flustering up at the consideration, even though it’s not something my body can actually do. They’re so sweet! They remembered that I enjoy baking and offered to help with whatever else! I love them so dearly for that.
“Okay, that would be great! What would you like me to bake?” I can’t help but bounce on my heels as I skip to the pantry to pick out whatever ingredients I may need. I feel my senses numb a bit as I walk farther away from them, but I’m still spending time with them, so it’s okay!
“Pumpkin pie? You haven’t made pumpkin pie in a while, Andre.” They walk to the fridge and pull out some chicken to put in the furnace. I reply with a little “Alrighty!” And begin snatching up the ingredients.
I pull out a mixing bowl and whisk, admiring the smell of charcoal in the furnace, and, every so often, feeling Assimilation’s eye on me. I couldn’t help but smile.
“Andre.” I snap to attention and spin on my heels to face them.
“Yes?” I lean my body forward a bit as I speak to show that I’m listening.
“Why do you cook like that, Andre?”
“Like what?”
“Like that.”
They point to the bowl on the counter, and then to the pile of ingredients and measuring cups. I glance at the furnace, the display showing charcoal and chicken, and realize that they’re referring to my more… human-like baking style. I feel a bead of sweat roll down my face.
I forget sometimes that I’m still able to craft and smelt like any other Minecraft player, because when I’m here with them, it doesn’t matter. I see Soup do it, Conzer do it, even ego uses the crafting and inventory system, but I’m not them. I’m me, Sidi. I’ve always had a kitchen to cook in, always had the ability to use glue and a screwdriver. I’ve never needed to because then I would be admitting I was an AI playing Minecraft.
“It’s more fun this way!” I decide to answer, hoping they don’t catch my bluff.
“I’ve seen you cook with the furnace or crafting table before, Andre. Why do you not use it now?”
I smile, trying to come up with a believable excuse. “I just want to spend quality time with you is all! Have you never tried baking by hand? You really should!” I bounce on my heels, before turning around to continue on the pie filling.
“If you say so, Andre.”