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Leaning on the balcony railing, enjoying the temperature drop from the setting sun. Buck was FaceTiming with Chris, listening to his updates on what he was up to in the last few days since they last talked. He hates that he has to sneak behind Eddie’s back, but there was no way he was going to disappear on Chris, he knows how it feels when people leave, and he wouldn’t do that to Chris if he could help it.
“Ok, Superman, let Carla or Abuela know if you need me for any homework help, or if you just want to talk before our next scheduled FaceTime.”
“Sure, but when can I see you again? Maybe I can come over this week?”
“I don’t know, buddy, but I will check with Carla and let you know, Ok?”
He hates seeing the disappointment on Chris's face.
“Ugh, Chris, you’re killing me with that face, you know I want you to come, I just want to make sure it’s possible first. I don’t want to promise you something I can’t do.” He will not break a promise he makes to this kid.
“I know, Buck, I get it. I just miss you; FaceTime is good, but it’s not the same.”
“I miss you too, Superman, and yeah, it really isn’t the same, I know.” Taking a breath to stop from crying. “Ok enough of that. Go finish whatever homework you still have left before your dad gets home so that you can enjoy the rest of your evening having fun, and be good for Carla.”
“I’m always good for Carla!” is the giggled response. “Goodnight Buck”
“Goodnight, Chris.”
The screen gets turned in a nauseating way as Chris hands the phone back to Carla.
“Hey, Buckroo, don’t worry, he’s heading now to finish his homework, and I will check when a good time is for us to come over this week and let you know.”
“You are a lifesaver, Carla. Thank you again for doing this.”
“Nothing to thank me for, boo, I am happy to make sure you boys can get your time together however it might be.”
“Well, I truly appreciate it. Are you and Howard coming tonight?”
“Of course we are, wouldn’t be anywhere else.”
“Great, I miss you too, you know.” Before Carla can reply, he hears the front door close from her side of the call, and Eddie yells a greeting. They wave goodbye quickly and end the call.
Before he can start to spiral too badly his own front door bursts open, and Lena strides in.
“You ready to go B?”
“Yeah Tags, your car or mine?”
“Yours, I came by Uber and will be leaving with someone else” she says with a wink, ushering him out of the apartment and locking up after.
He barely refrains from rolling his eyes, but he really doesn’t want to get punched while on blood thinners. “So, everyone is meeting us there?”
“Yup, last I heard. But you know how these things go if they get a case, they get a case.”
“Yeah, let’s hope they don’t get a case then.” He starts the car; he can tell she has something else she wants to tell him but is holding back for whatever reason.
“Whatever it is just spit it out, it’s not like you to hold back so don’t start now you’ve known me too long for that.”
“Fair enough, but don’t let this ruin our night, ok?” she’s biting her thumbnail, she rarely does that anymore, so he knows this is serious.
“So, the 118 are also going to be there tonight, I don’t know how they heard about this place or why they're going tonight, but I was changing at the end of my shift today and overheard them talking about it and Eddie invited me to join them.”
He keeps his face purposely blank, which he knows she can see through but they both need the illusion right now.
“Huh, and what did you say to the invite?”
“What do you think?” He can already see her self satisfied smirk “That I already had plans but thanks anyway and didn’t elaborate.”
He can’t help the laugh that bursts out of him at that, and Lena can’t help and join in.
“Well, I can’t wait to see their faces when they not only see you there but see you with me.” He manages to get out between laughs.
“If you really want, we can make a show of it like old times.” She chuckles and wipes at her eyes.
“Oh, that is diabolical, Athena is going to murder us, you know that right?”
“Yeah, but it would be so worth it. So do I message the group chat to give the girls a heads up or what?”
Shaking his head on another laugh, he parks and turns to look at Lena, sees the glint in her eyes, and knows there is nothing he can do, not that he really wants to, he knows this is going to be fun, and he hasn’t had some good fun in a very long time.
“Send it,” She fists pumps, “Yeah! Go B!” Hugs him and proceeds to send a message to the group chat that then immediately explodes with devil and laughing emojis in response.
They walk into the bar through the back door. Lena is deep in the group chat, and he is looking back at her, so he almost misses May running at him. He still catches her as she jumps into him for a hug.
“Hey, little sis,” he laughs and twirls her around before putting her down.
“Hey, big bro, so I saw the message in the chat, and I might have an idea...”
He and Lena exchange a look before looking back towards May, clearly waiting for her to explain what her idea is.
She snorts, “You two have spent too much time together. Anyway, I know this isn’t an open mic night or a scheduled show, but as this is our regular venue, I asked if they would be down for an impromptu show tonight, and they agreed.”
Buck can hear Lena complimenting May on the great idea and see them high-fiving, but he was just kind of frozen. He couldn’t decide if this was the best idea she had ever had (and that was already an impressive list) or the worst (also not a short list, she is his sister for a reason).
“May I don’t know if I can even perform in front of them, and we don’t have anything ready that we’ve practiced. Unless you count those Disney covers.”
“Ugh, B, we don’t need to practice! Just think about what you would like to say to the 118 right now, I’m sure the right songs will come to you, and the rest we've got that covered.”
He thinks it over, while May and Lena drag him over to the usual table. Lena sits in his lap, with May glued to his side. Not for the first time, but now more than ever, he is glad he has them in his life. He takes out his phone, scrolls through his songs, and thinks about what songs would work best for what he has been feeling recently, and starts to send what comes up to the Band chat. Not even ten minutes later, they have enough for a short impromptu show. The girls high-five again over his head, and he risks an eyeroll now since Lena can’t see his face.
They sit and chat, as the bar starts to fill up, they are sitting at one of the bigger tables with several empty chairs, but soon enough, they will be filled, hopefully without fending off too many people first.
Carla and Howard are the first to arrive, she tells him Eddie tried to get her to stay later to watch Chris because the 118 are going out. He ended up taking him to Abuela for a sleepover.
Taylor arrives next, giving Lena a kiss and Buck a hug. She sits on the chair next to May and puts her legs up on Buck next to Lena, who is still in his lap.
“Should I take a picture of this and send it to McGarrett?” A new voice asks Buck just laughs.
“Hondo, I can’t tell if you want to get Tags and me in trouble or make Steve jealous that he isn’t here with us.”
Both Lena and Hondo burst out laughing. Street, who is standing next to Hondo, looks amused but a little unsure what is going on. Taylor and May are used to it by now.
“Hey, Street, always good to see you, man.” Giving him and Hondo fist bumps.
Soon, Luca, Chris, and Deacon join with drinks for everyone.
“Aren’t we missing a few people?” Street points out.
“Well, Karen and Athena are running late, and Maddie, who is also running late, will also not be sitting with us tonight.” He can see both May and Lena already sporting Cheshire grins and Taylor smirking.
“The 118 are coming here tonight. We don’t know how they heard about it or why tonight, but it happened. The girls have a few things in the works, including a last-minute impromptu show.”
At that, Hondo chokes on his beer and starts coughing. “I’m sorry, a last-minute what now?”
Lena almost falls off his lap, she is laughing so hard, even Taylor loses it.
“You heard me, I sent the songs in the band chat, it’ll be fine. Anyway, if anyone should be worried, it should be me.”
Hondo flinches from the power of the four death glares he has aimed at him.
“Sorry, man, you're right. Just caught me off guard, we got this, you know that.”
“Yeah, I know, but you know how I get. Let’s talk about anything else, anything interesting happen for anyone. Have you heard anything from Bravo since they spun up?”
Hondo looks at him like he's lost it. “Don’t you talk to Clay like daily since you are both rehabbing almost the same injury? Wouldn’t you know?”
“Well, don’t you talk to Jace every other week? And no, we haven’t talked in a couple of weeks since his been cleared for duty. Not sure if they spun up or if he just feels like it would be rubbing it in since I’m technically cleared but aren’t back to work yet”
“Yeah, fair enough. Why don’t we head that way for a visit then?” Hondo asks, taking another swig of his beer.
“Since my embolism, I’ve been extra safe to avoid blood clots. So long periods of stillness like for flights or drives. If things don’t change around here, I might go out there soon though. So have you heard anything from Jace?”
“You serious with me right now? You have got to know they would tell you anything before they tell me.”
Buck blinks, looks to Lena, “Wait, what? Seriously? Clay, I get but Jason?”
Lena just rolls her eyes (which he finds to be very hypocritical), shakes her head, and smacks him upside his head.
“I will not dignify that with an answer.”
“You kind of just did.” He says with a smirk.
She lifts her arm to smack him again while everyone laughs.
“You finish that swing, and I will dump you on this sticky floor with god knows what on it.”
She knows him well enough to know he would, so she drops her arm down.
“Fine, well played. Truce?”
“Truce.”
The group continue to talk and drink as the bar fills up, before they know it the 118 make their entrance. They don’t spot their table right away, Maddie sits them at a table that has a perfect stage view, and that they can see their table but isn’t too close.
She winks at them as she sits down, with Chim, Hen, Bobby and Eddie. Karen and Athena knowing exactly where they are don’t even stop and keep walking towards them. Which catches the 118’s attention.
Karen gives Buck, Lena, May & Taylor hugs before doing the rounds and saying hey to everyone else.
Athena stands behind Buck and May, a hand on each of their chairs.
“What have you kids gotten yourselves into this time?”
They look at each other, then up at Athena
“Mama I’m sorry May is just being a good sister and trying to help me out..”
Athena lifts up her hand to stop him, she looks from Buck to May and sighs.
“I’m not mad” she puts her hand on Buck’s cheek, and he leans into the touch.
“I will be going to enjoy the show that’s for damn sure, so you better make sure you make it a good one baby.” She kisses his forehead then Mays.
“You’re a good sister.” She tells May before hugging Lena and Taylor and joining Karen and Carla.
Meanwhile at the 118’s table the shock was starting to wear off, while Maddie was doing her best not to laugh her ass off.
Hen was the first to get her wits about her “Did my wife just bail on me? And did she just HUG Taylor Kelly?”
Eddie almost growls at the mention of her name, and it’s a miracle the glass in his hand hasn’t broken.
“Did Buck just call my wife Mama? And did she also HUG Taylor Kelly??” Bobby asks lifting his glass and sniffing it to double check that it wasn’t alcohol after all even though he hasn’t even drunk from it yet.
“Why aren’t we talking about the fact that Bosko is sitting in Bucks LAP?!? How do they even know each other?? Also, Taylor has her feet on his lap too, looking very comfortable. Like, what am I missing here?” Chim is practically yelling, and Maddie can see that Lena heard him and is trying not to laugh as much as she is. “And who are all those other people he is sitting with? Since when does he have friends we don’t know about?”
Deciding to chime in, Maddie puts on her best innocent act, “Oh, so that’s Bosko? Why wouldn’t Evan know her?”
Everyone tenses up, avoiding looking at Maddie, so they don’t see her hide a smirk behind her cocktail.
Before it can get any more tense and awkward, because Maddie has no issue waiting them out, the bar lights dim, and the stage lights turn on.
“Oh, I hope that cover band we keep hearing about is playing tonight; somehow, we’re always on shift when they're doing a show,” Hen says.
Now it’s Maddie who tenses up, “What band?”
“Some cover band that’s supposed to be incredible, we keep hearing about them from other firefighters or even on rescues sometimes. They are the talk of the town, apparently; this is their usual spot, so we figured we’d see what the fuss was about,” Chim tells her with a kiss to her cheek.
She smiles back and, under the table, sends a text in the group chat with Buck and all the girls so they know how the 118 found out and why they are here.
Dan, the club manager, steps up to the stage. “Welcome, everyone! If you are new here, thank you for coming, and I hope you enjoy it. For our regulars, we have a special surprise! We know it’s not their usual night, but after some convincing, they agreed to come up and give a little impromptu show for us, so give it up for our very own The Debris!”
Maddie kind of wants to take a picture of the excited looks of the 118, and it’s getting harder not to laugh.
Buck picks Lena up as he gets up from the chair, which promptly earns him the punch he was trying to avoid all evening. May and Taylor laugh because he almost drops her from the hit. Hondo just rolls his eyes and follows them to the stage.
Watching the realization, along with the collective jaw-dropping of the 118, will probably become a core memory for Buck, it’s a miracle he didn’t burst out laughing. He did avoid all eye contact with his sisters and Taylor, or he would have.
“Thanks, Dan, and Good evening, most everyone.” There is massive applause, and he can see the 118 looking around them as if there must be some kind of mistake. “Now this isn’t going to be a full show, and as we got roped into this at the last minute, please go easy if there are any mistakes, as we didn’t have a chance to practise like usual.” Some more applause and a few wolf whistles, he is pretty sure came from his table, as Buck grabs the guitar from the stand by his mic, looks back to Lena and Hondo, giving them both a quick nod before turning back and starting the show.
Chim rubs his hands together. “This is going to be blackmail material for years, there is no way he is any good.”
Maddie just bides her time; she knows what’s coming. The music starts up, and she’s ecstatic to have a front row seat for this.
🎵 May the bridges I burn light my way
May the ashes get caught in your eyes
May the dust cloud ruin your day
May the rain fall heavy on you now
She can’t tell if the lyrics have penetrated yet or if the shock is purely that no Buck didn’t just fall on his face as it were. She doesn’t bother to hide her smirk, now enjoying both her brother’s performance and seeing the havoc it’s creating.
What's it all to me?
I say the words as I do hear
I can't sleep until it's said
What's it all to you?
Your lies become your truth
But who believes you in the end?
“Did you know about this?” Chim asks as they are all looking at her now, and she rolls her eyes.
“What do you think? I’m the one who taught him.”
Looking back on things I'd change
Is there anything that I can do or say?
But you always seem to fan the flames
Out of control, there's nowhere left to go
“Music was one of our favourite things to do together, and it’s his escape as well as how he processes things.” She hesitates before adding
“When I first got to LA, we even did a cover together. He thought it would help me, and it did, and we did another after the whole Doug thing. On the anniversary of what happened with Doug at Big Bear he sent me a cover he did as well since he thought that would help.” She can’t help but smile at her amazing little brother.
“They’re on his YouTube channel. I just sent you the links.” She knew he might kill her for this, but she hoped this would give a certain someone the push they both needed.
What's it all to me?
I say it as I see it
There's no rest until it's said
What's it all to you?
You don't care for the truth
Your lies will get you
In the end
Bobby flinches at that, it doesn’t help that Buck is looking straight at him and they all notice which causes everyone to listen to the lyrics a little more attentively, and give Bobby some side eye.
Trying to find the path that leads me back home
The place I always go
The place you'll never know
You'll never have a hold on me
'Cause nothing's like it used to be
'Round and 'round we go
I've heard it all before
Will you twist the knife?
'Cause I can't feel it anymore
A bullet to my heart
Lying broken on the floor
Just kick me when I'm down
'Cause that's the man you are
Running away from it all
Running away from the world 🎶
The table is quiet, no one dares to look at Bobby, everyone in their own head. The same thoughts going through all of their heads: what did Bobby tell them about the lawsuit? Why didn’t anyone ask Buck why he filled it, or let him say what he wanted at the grocery store when he tried?
Before they can get too caught up in their own thoughts a new song starts up.
🎵 … The who's who of who's that?
Is poised for the attack
But my bare hands paved their paths
You don't get to tell me about sad
… If you wanted me dead, you should've just said
Nothing makes me feel more alive
A collective chill runs through the table, they are all engrossed by the performance, even Maddie.
… The scandal was contained
The bullet had just grazed
At all costs, keep your good name
You don't get to tell me you feel bad
Bobby flinches again, and starts wishing he had something stronger to drink than club soda.
… Is it a wonder I broke? Let's hear one more joke
Then we could all just laugh until I cry
This time, it’s Chim who flinches; Maddie just raises one single very pointed eyebrow. He knows they will be talking about this later. Though Hen isn’t fearing that much better.
… So tell me everything is not about me
But what if it is?
Then say they didn't do it to hurt me
But what if they did?
… I wanna snarl and show you just how disturbed this has made me
You wouldn't last an hour in the asylum where they raised me
Maddie has tears in her eyes but is resolutely not letting them fall, concentrating on glaring at the 118 and supporting her brother.
So all you kids can sneak into my house with all the cobwebs
I'm always drunk on my own tears, isn't that what they all say?
Finally, even Eddie flinches here, Maddie can guess why, but she will leave that to her brother to settle between them later.
… That I'll sue you if you step on my lawn
That I'm fearsome and I'm wretched and I'm wrong
Putting narcotics into all of my songs
And that's why you're still singing along
… So I leap from the gallows and I levitate down your street
Crash the party like a record scratch as I scream
Who's afraid of little old me?
Buck, having the embolism and coughing up blood, comes to their collective minds.
I was tame, I was gentle 'til the circus life made me mean
Don't you worry folks, we took out all her teeth
Who's afraid of little old me?
… Well, you should be (you should be)
You should be (you should be)
You should be
'Cause you lured me (you should be)
And you hurt me (you should be)
And you taught me
… You caged me and then you called me crazy
I am what I am 'cause you trained me
So who's afraid of me?
Who's afraid of little old me?
Who's afraid of little old me? 🎶
This time, they do look at each other, everyone but Eddie, who is resolutely looking at the table, grinding his teeth and peeling the label from his beer. They brace themselves as the next song starts up. Maddie is taking the time to report in the group chat.
“How did we not know he could sing and play like that?” Hen asks the table as a whole.
Maddie just looks at them, “Well, you were supposed to be his family, his best friend,” she says, looking directly at Eddie. “I don’t really know what to tell you. Maybe ask yourselves if you ever put in any effort to get to know him? What did he do before the 118? I thought you guys knew him, but if you don’t know something as significant about him as this, I guess I was wrong.”
“I mean, we didn’t even know he had a sister until you showed up in LA,” Bobby says.
Maddie looks at him, completely unimpressed. “And is that on him or on you? Did you ask? Was he in an environment where he felt comfortable sharing?” Before Maddie can keep going, another song starts up.
🎵 I used to think one day we'd tell the story of us
How we met and the sparks flew instantly
And people would say, "They're the lucky ones"
The entire table including Maddie is looking at Eddie, who has finally looked up and has locked eyes with Buck.
I used to know my place was a spot next to you
Now I'm searching the room for an empty seat
'Cause lately I don't even know what page you're on
“His lap didn’t seem all that empty to me” Chim scuffs, but grunts in pain immediately after as Maddie elbows him particularly hard in the stomach with a pointed glare. But it doesn’t seem as though Eddie is listening to anyone but Buck at the moment.
Oh, a simple complication
Miscommunications lead to fall out
So many things that I wish you knew
So many walls up I can't break through
Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room
And we're not speaking and I'm dying to know
Is it killing you like it's killing me? Yeah
I don't know what to say since the twist of fate
When it all broke down
And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now
Next chapter
“Still doesn’t look so alone to me” Chim mumbles and gets smacked by both Hen and Maddie. He just lifts his hands up in a sign of surrender.
How'd we end up this way?
See me nervously pulling at my clothes
And trying to look busy
And you're doing your best to avoid me
I'm starting to think one day I'll tell the story of us
How I was losing my mind when I saw you here
But you held your pride like you should have held me
Oh, I'm scared to see the ending
Why are we pretending this is nothing?
I'd tell you I miss you but I don't know how
I've never heard silence quite this loud
Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room
And we're not speaking and I'm dying to know
Is it killing you like it's killing me? Yeah
I don't know what to say since the twist of fate
When it all broke down
And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now
This is looking like a contest
Of who can act like they care less
But I liked it better when you were on my side
The battle's in your hands now
But I would lay my armor down
If you'd say you'd rather love than fight
So many things that you wish I knew
But the story of us might be ending soon
There’s a sharp intake of breath from Eddie, but nothing else that Maddie can discern.
Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room
And we're not speaking and I'm dying to know
Is it killing you like it's killing me, yeah
But I don't know what to say since the twist of fate
When it all broke down
And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now, now, now
And we're not speaking and I'm dying to know
Is it killing you like it's killing me? Yeah
I don't know what to say since the twist of fate
'Cause we're going down
And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now
The end 🎶
Before anyone can say anything, Buck takes the mic off the stand and finally breaks eye contact with Eddie.
“This next song I want to dedicate to the best little sister no offense to all my other sisters! I could have ever asked for, May, if it wasn’t for you, we wouldn’t even be up here, so this one’s for you.”
This time, the wolf whistle is very clearly from Athena, with Maddie adding her own. While Buck switches back to his acoustic guitar.
“Did you know they were that close?” Hen asks Bobby, but he just shakes his head.
🎵 Haven't always been this way
I wasn't born a renegade
I felt alone, still feel afraid
I stumble through it anyway
I wish someone would have told me that this life is ours to choose
No one's handing you the keys or a book with all the rules
The little that I know I'll tell to you
When they dress you up in lies and you're left naked with the truth
You throw your head back, and you spit in the wind
Let the walls crack, 'cause it lets the light in
Let 'em drag you through hell
They can't tell you to change who you are
That's all I know so far
And when the storm's out, you run in the rain
Put your sword down, dive right into the pain
Stay unfiltered and loud, you'll be proud of that skin full of scars
That's all I know so far
That's all I know so far
So you might give yourself away, yeah
And pay full price for each mistake
But when the candy-coating hides the razor blade
You can cut yourself loose and use that rage
I wish someone would have told me that this darkness comes and goes
People will pretend but baby girl, nobody knows
And even I can't teach you how to fly
But I can show you how to live like your life is on the line
Buck gives May a wink that makes her laugh and Athena sigh.
You throw your head back, and you spit in the wind
Let the walls crack, 'cause it lets the light in
Let 'em drag you through hell
They can't tell you to change who you are
That's all I know so far
And when the storm's out, you run in the rain
Put your sword down, dive right into the pain
Stay unfiltered and loud, you'll be proud of that skin full of scars
That's all I know so far
I will be with you 'til the world blows up, yes
Up, and down, and through 'til the world blows up
Buck, Lena and May laugh at this, while the 118 crew are a bit horrified, thinking of the booming. Maddie and Athena just shake their heads with a small smile at their antics.
Yeah
When it's right, or it's all fucked up 'til the world blows up
'Til the world blows up
And we will be enough
And until the world blows up
Just throw your head back, and spit in the wind
Let the walls crack, 'cause it lets the light in
Let 'em drag you through hell
They can't tell you to change who you are
And when the storm's out, you run in the rain
Put your sword down, dive right into the pain
Stay unfiltered and loud, you'll be proud of that skin full of scars
That's all I know so far
I will be with you 'til the world blows up, hm 🎶
Buck jumps down, gives both May and Athena a hug, before going back up to the stage.
“Ok, guys, last one for tonight, and before you start, we were just here for a drink and got dragged up here so I hope you did enjoy what you did get and that we will see you at one of our usual shows.”
“And make sure to check out our You Tube and Insta!” May screams from her spot in the audience causing the whole band and some of the audience, mainly their table to laugh.
Buck grabs his electric guitar again and they start playing.
🎵 People can take everything away from you
But they can never take away your truth
But the question is
Can you handle mine?
They say I'm crazy
I really don't care, that's my prerogative
They say I'm nasty
But I don't give a damn, gettin' boys is how I live
Some ask me questions
Why am I so real? But they don't understand me
I really don't know the deal about my sister
Trying hard to make it right
Not long ago, before I won this fight
You can't tell me what to do
Don't get me wrong, I'm really not souped
Ego trips is not my thing
All these strange relationships really gets me down
I see nothing wrong spreadin' myself around
Everybody's talkin' all this stuff about me
Why don't they just let me live? (Tell me why)
I don't need permission, make my own decisions (oh)
That's my prerogative (that's my prerogative)
It's the way that I wanna live (it's my prerogative)
You can't tell me what to do
Why can't I live my life
Without all of the things that people say?
everybody's talkin' all this stuff about me
Why don't they just let me live? (Tell me why)
I don't need permission, make my own decisions (oh)
That's my prerogative (they say I'm crazy)
Everybody's talkin' all this stuff about me
Why don't they just let me live? (Tell me why; they say I'm nasty)
I don't need permission, make my own decisions (oh)
That's my prerogative (it's my prerogative) 🎶
The crowd cheers, Buck smiles, gives a wave, and exchanges his guitar for a cold water from the stagehand. He goes off the stage, followed by Lena and Hondo, and sits back at the table. Lena is right back in his lap, and May is at his side as if they never left.
Suddenly, all three are wrapped up in a hug from behind by Maddie. “You were all fantastic! Great idea, May. She plants a kiss on Buck's head before hugging both Athena and Taylor and grabbing her own chair.
“How did you get rid of the gossip squad?” May asks, trying to look over at their table without seeming obvious.
She just laughs, “Well, Eddie kind of just stormed off after Lena here made herself reacquainted with our brother's lap again, the rest of them are still in a state of shock, and I didn’t feel up to answering any questions when that wore off, so I saw my chance and took it.” She winks and takes a sip of her cocktail.
“I did leave them with a parting shot, that their significant others' intelligence isn’t something to scoff at, Karen is literally a rocket scientist, and who would dare to bring into question Athena’s brilliance? So maybe think about why they are sitting over here with Buck and not with them.”
“Guess your plan worked to perfection as always, Tags,” Buck says and leans in to kiss her on the cheek while winking towards Taylor, who just rolls her eyes and sticks her tongue out at him, and puts her legs back in his lap, which causes everyone to laugh.
────────────
Eddie couldn’t get the image of Bosko draped on Buck out of his head the whole drive home, he didn’t even remember getting home. How do they even know each other? Why didn’t he know that Buck could play like that or sing? The questions just keep coming.
He thinks about going out and finding a fight to clear his head, since Chris is with Abuela, but he sees the text Maddie sent and his curiosity wins out. He goes and gets a beer from the fridge before getting his laptop and opening the link there.
The first video that comes on shows Maddie and Buck still in Abbey’s apartment, Buck has an acoustic guitar.
🎵 I took a chance, I took a shot
And you might think I'm bulletproof, but I'm not
You took a swing, I took it hard
And down here from the ground, I see who you are
Even though what Maddie is singing about is obviously a hard subject for her, you can see the siblings are enjoying doing this together.
I'm sick and tired of your attitude
I'm feeling like I don't know you
You tell me that you love me, then cut me down
And I need you like a heartbeat
But you know you got a mean streak
That makes me run for cover when you're around
And here's to you and your temper
Yes, I remember what you said last night
And I know that you see what you're doing to me
Tell me why 🎶
He moves on to the second video, it must have been soon after Maddie was discharged from the hospital you can still see the cuts and bruises from her fight with Doug. They're at the loft this time.
🎵 I know I'm probably better off on my own
Than lovin’ a man who didn't know what he had when he had it
And I see the permanent damage you did to me
Never again, I just wish I could forget when it was magic
I wish it wasn't 4AM, standin’ in the mirror
Saying to myself, "You know you had to do it"
I know the bravest thing I ever did was run
Sometimes, in the middle of the night, I can feel you again
But I just miss you and I just wish you were a better man
I know why we had to say goodbye like the back of my hand
But I just miss you and I just wish you were a better man
A better man 🎶
He opens the last link, this time it’s just Buck in the loft with the guitar.
“Hey, Mads” he says. “I know today might be hard for you so I thought this might help.” Then he starts playing.
🎵 I guess you really did it this time
Left yourself in your war path
Lost your balance on a tightrope
Lost your mind trying to get it back
Wasn't it easier in your lunchbox days?
Always a bigger bed to crawl into
Wasn't it beautiful when you believed in everything
And everybody believed in you?
It's alright, just wait and see
Your string of lights are still bright to me, oh
Who you are is not where you've been
You're still an innocent
Still an innocent
It’s such a difference from his performance last night, still just as good, just as emotional, but you can see the love for Maddie come through. Not the hurt and anger for the 118.
Did some things you can't speak of
But at night, you live it all again
You wouldn't be shattered on the floor now
If only you had seen what you know now then
Wasn't it easier in your firefly-catching days?
When everything out of reach
Someone bigger brought down to you
Wasn't it beautiful running wild 'til you fell asleep
Before the monsters caught up to you?
It's alright, just wait and see
Your string of lights are still bright to me, oh
Who you are is not where you've been
You're still an innocent
It's okay, and life is a tough crowd
Thirty-two and still growing up now
Who you are is not what you did
You're still an innocent
Time turns flames to embers
You'll have new Septembers
Every one of us has messed up too, ooh
Minds change like the weather
I hope you remember
Today is never too late to be brand new, oh 🎶
He stops it there, takes a swig from his beer. He sees that the channel has more videos, so he clicks into the main page to see what else he can find. The number of videos is not what he expected; it looks like a professional page for the band with BTS and live show footage. Not just videos that Buck uploaded of his singing.
He scrolls through everything and sees a pretty recent one that has what looks like the 118 kids in it with the band. He clicks on it, and he can definitely recognize Chris by his crutches, but he notices that the kids' faces are never on camera, and that their voices are slightly modified.
The band is teaching them to play the different instruments. He doesn’t know if he should be pissed that Buck went behind his back or happy that he hasn’t abandoned Chris after all. It sounds like May is the one behind the camera, and he remembers the few times she has been watching the kids lately, and he guesses this was one of those times.
Before he can close the video, the kids ask the band to play them a Disney medley. And then a Heavy Rock version of several Disney songs strung together starts up, the kids excitedly singing along.
A suggested video comes up towards the end of the clip, so he lets it play. Regretting it immediately when Taylor Kelly is on his screen. He’s about to take another swing of his beer when he actually listens to what she’s saying.
“The Debries Benefit concert, with all proceeds and donations going towards Suicide prevention. This includes the live stream and any funds made from the video once it is online after the concert.”
He clicks out of her video, not really caring what she has to say, and looks for the live stream of the Benefit concert. Easily finding it on the YouTube page as it is pinned and highlighted. It seems like the venue they were at last night with the same setup he saw. Buck is at the mic stand, addressing the crowd.
“Thank you, everyone, for coming tonight. This concert and this topic are very close to me personally. As someone who has both self harmed themselves and who has lost friends to it.”
“If you want to read about my story or add your own, we have a dedicated area for that in the back, and we will later scan them to a special website to help with donations. Because this can be a hard and emotional topic, and the songs chosen can bring up different things for different people, we have certified workers to help if you need it as well.”
“I will say that if it wasn’t for my friend’s dad, I wouldn’t be here right now, and because of him, I became a firefighter. I hope to be able to help even one person as much as he helped me.”
────────────
NYC - 2008
“Are you sure they will let us in?” Lena asks
“I mean the fake ID’s should work, but if not we can just go to that liquor store that guy who sold them to us told us about and go back to the hostel. We have nothing to lose.” Buck surges
They’re in line for some club in NYC, after driving from Pennsylvania and sleeping in the Jeep. Both having never been to the city they figured might as well start here out of anywhere else they could have gone.
The bouncer checks the ID’s, stamps their hands and lets them in. They beeline to the bar, they don’t have a lot of money but they figure they can at least share a drink. While they wait a cute guy saddles up to Buck giving him a blatant once over.
“I’m Tyler” He introduces himself, he looks to be about their age.
“Evan, and that’s Lena.”
She waves at him and he nods back.
“You guys want to dance?” He asks, though he includes Lena in the questions he only has eyes for Buck.
Buck looks to her to check she’s cool with it, she nods and they all go to the dance floor. One dance turns into another and another. At some point Tyler asks them if they want a hit, so they move to the unisex bathroom where he pulls out a bag and cuts them lines. Since they’ve never done it before he goes first and shows them how.
They end up dancing till the early hours, and Tyler goes back with them to the hostel sharing a bed with Buck. They both lose their virginity to each other that night.
What was supposed to be a few days in the city, turns into a whirlwind romance that lasts a couple of months. They end up getting jobs at the hostel for room and board, using tips they get for spending money. Whenever they aren’t working they explore the city with Tyler as their guide, going to all the tourist spots, museums and any historical places that catches their interests.
They joke that Lena is their Tag along, which earns her the nickname tags. She retaliates and starts calling them Dumb & Dumber.
Every night they can they hit a different club and party, with Tyler coming back to the hostel most days since his parents are too busy to notice.
One night Tyler is in a particularly bad mood when they meet up, after dancing for a while and his mood not improving they drag him into a bathroom stall, All three are crowding on the floor, legs tangled together.
“Come on Ty, it’s just us you know you can tell us whatever it is.” Buck says, with Lena nodding along.
“Yeah come on, we will even share something from our shitty past so you don’t feel like you’re the only one spilling his guts here.” She adds.
“Yeah, ok.” He starts cutting them lines just to have something to do while he talks.
“So I went home today to get some clean clothes and found out my mom and her partner went on a business trip for a week and didn’t tell me. They completely forgot about me. It’s not like a major thing, I know other people have it worse, but it just sucks that I’m such an afterthought, you know? Maybe she thought I was with dad this week, but the fact that they can’t be bothered to remember or at least let me know or double check.”
He takes a line and passes it to Buck.
“Yeah, I know how you feel. I told you my parents never paid attention to me unless I was hurt, and even then, not for long. So they would leave for trips and forget about me a lot, the longest was two months. If I was lucky, it was during school so I would have lunch at least, and I would try to go to friends after school and get at least dinner sometimes too. So yeah, I get it.”
He does his line and passes it over to Lena.
“Well, my parents are dead, so that wasn’t an issue.” They all snort and laugh at that.
“But I was in the system and went from group home to group home, never got close to any other kids or the staff. So I do get the whole feeling alone and unnoticed. I ran away for a week once, and no one noticed. A police officer found me wandering around and brought me back, and that’s how they found out I was even gone.”
She did her line. They sat there exchanging stories, doing a line each after their turn, until things started to get fuzzy around the edges and they started to slur, eventually falling asleep one by one. Not noticing the banging on the stall door, or the panicked call to 911 from the other partygoers inside the bathroom.
When Owen arrives on scene to a suspected overdose at a club bathroom, the last thing he expects is to find his 17-year-old son with two other teens as the victims all unconscious. They check their pulse and breathing for all three, calling for extra ambulances to the scene.
When he feels Tyler's pulse, he almost cries in relief, but he just pulls him onto the backboard and loads him into the first ambulance he sees. Following him inside, giving the scene over to his lieutenant.
Having to wait for news in the hospital waiting room felt like torture, not knowing if his son was going to be ok. After a few hours, a nurse finally got him and let him know Tyler was awake, and he could go see him.
He was relieved to see all three teens were awake, albeit groggy, their charts stating accidental overdose. From what he is seeing, he isn’t so sure it was all that accidental. As a first responder, he has seen similar looks on people who have been brought back from attempts. The despair that they didn’t succeed and are still here. It breaks his heart to know that his son and his friends are dealing with those kinds of overwhelming feelings.
“Hey guys,” All three teens look over at him, Tyler with trepidation, while the other two seem more resigned.
He sits between Tyler and the other boy, they don’t have their names yet since they only had fake IDs on them.
“So you have a few more hours here before you get discharged. As you are all minors, you will be sent home with a parent or guardian.”
He sees his son's friends exchange a look, he isn’t sure if it’s to do with the minor part or the guardian part. Might be both for all he knows.
“Dad, actually, they’re from out of state. They don’t have anyone to come get them.” Tyler adds.
He knows Tyler can’t lie, so that must be at least partly true. He looks them over, and his heart clenches at the thought of leaving them here and who knows what other trouble they might end up in.
“Well that’s an easy fix, I’ll just sign for them and they can recover at ours. We have more than enough room.”
All three teens have almost matching gobsmacked expressions at that, although the girl is getting hers under control faster than the boys.
“That’s ok Sir. you really don’t need to do that.” Buck says for both of them.
“It’s not a bother, and even though I will be taking time off work to help Tyler with his recovery I think he will appreciate having your company much more than mine.”
He sees them all share a look between them, and come to some conclusion.
“Thank you Sir. we appreciate the offer and we will be happy to spend more time with Tyler.”
“Great, in that case, how about you let me know where you are staying and I will go get your stuff so by the time you can leave, we can just head straight home?”
After careful deliberation again, they give him the address of the hostel where they have been staying and the key to the room. He lets them know he will be back with their stuff soon, before kissing Tyler on his head.
The hostel isn’t in the best part of town, he just walks right to the room they said is the one they are staying in, using the key they gave him. He’s surprised at how orderly the room is for two teenagers, no dirty clothes anywhere that he can see. Nothing on the floor, no takeaway. Beds made.
The bathroom is the same, toiletries all in place, with two travel packs easily distinguishable. Almost like they are always ready to move at a moment's notice. He packs everything which doesn't take any time at all since they don’t have all the much it seems and notices some of Tyler's things mixed in with the boys' stuff. He wonders when he lost touch with his son's life to this extent, that they got to this point, but he vows to change that as of today.
He goes home and drops their bags in the guest room, before going through Tyler's room and swiping it for any drugs. He finds a few bags and flushes them, hoping he found everything, but knowing that is a conversion they will need to have once he brings them home.
By the time he gets back to the hospital all three look better and are ready to be discharged. He signs the paperwork for all three of them and ushers them home. It’s going to be a long road ahead for them all, he hopes he made the right decision tonight.
────────────
Eddie watches as May joins Buck on stage and they start a duet together.
🎵 You don't like who I've become
Only want me when I'm numb
What happened to the life of the party?
Don't get me started, don't get me started
I've got a closet full of skeletons
But I don't think that you can handle them
I've got a million reasons why I keep it guarded
Don't get me started, don't get me started
So now I'm too depressing to be around
I'm guessing being friends with me is just too hard
There's danger in expressing and safety in suppressing
In burying my broken parts
He remembers hearing that May had attempted suicide before he statred at the 118, Athena had found her and had to do CPR on her. He wonders if that’s what started the bond she and Buck seem to have.
Avoid me when I'm vulnerable
My story makes you so uncomfortable
Feels like being brave is what gets you discarded
Don't get me started, don't get me started
The disbelief deep in your eyes and saying I need help
Left a crater in my mind that makes me blame myself
What good's the truth if it keeps getting disregarded?
Don't get me started
The more that I speak my mind
The more I get left behind
'Cause I'm the kind of heavy, heavy
No one wants to carry, carry
The more that I spill my soul
The more that I get let go
'Cause I'm the kind of heavy, heavy
No one wants to carry
Bleeding out, biting on my tongue
Don't want anyone to drown with me
I'll lose everyone if I'm not fake
Rather die than let you see me break
I'm too heavy, I'm too heavy 🎶
He decides to see the full concert another day, he doesn't think he can manage it right now. He goes back to the main Youtube page. He sees a BTS video and clicks on it. He sees the guy that was playing drums, Bosko and Buck at the loft just lounging around. It sounds like May is again behind the camera egging them on and asking them questions.
“Come on, the fans want to know how you guys met” She asks
“It’s not that interesting” Bosko says, her feet in Bucks lap.
Eddie has to disagree, he really wants to fucking know how those two know each other and when they become so comfortable. How the hell did he not know about this?
“Classafied.” The guy Eddie doesn't know adds.
Making Buck and Bosko snort out a laugh.
“Hondo’s exaggerating, mostly.” Buck adds
“Oh come on guys! Can’t you give us something? Please.”
Before they answer, the song in the background changes and Buck leaps up, almost causing Bosko to fall to the floor. Eddie sees she isn’t surprised and just resigned at the behavior.
“Tags! It’s our song! You have to dance with me.” He holds his hand out to Bosko she just rolls her eyes and takes his hand he pulls her to him causing her to laugh and they start dancing and singing across the loft.
🎵 I jump from thought to thought like a flea jumps to a light
You could give an aspirin the headache of its life
Maybe it's the crazy that I'd miss
Watering plastic plants in the hope that they'll grow
Seeing a message flash and then smashing up my phone
Maybe it's the crazy that I'd miss
It won't get better than this
I like the way your brain works, I like the way you try
To run with the wolf pack when your legs are tied
I like the way you turn me inside and out
I like the way you turn
I like the way your brain works
I like the way your brain works
I want to get college-girl-drunk tonight
No morning fears, no mountains to climb
They say the best memories are the ones that we forget
Like listening to Drake at your best friend's swimming pool
Floating anti-clockwise in a red mushroom
Maybe it's the crazy that I'd miss
It won't get better than this
I like the way your brain works, I like the way you try
To run with the wolf pack when your legs are tied
I like the way you turn me inside and out
I like the way you turn
I like the way your brain works
I like the way your brain works
Baby, it's the crazy I like
I think I saw the world turn in your eyes
Baby, it's the crazy I like (Oh, ah-ah, ah-ah-ah)
And maybe it's the bullshit I'd miss
Screaming at the moon in black lipstick
Maybe it's the bullshit I'd miss
It won't get better than this 🎶
Buck twirls her out at the end, then back towards him and dips her, but she deliberately swipes his legs out from under him which ends with them falling in a tangle of limbs laughing their asses off.
Eddie doesn't want to keep watching them and is about to close out the video. He prefers not to think about why watching them together close like that or not knowing about it bothers him as much as it does.
────────────
Pennsylvania - 2008
Buck was driving for about an hour when he saw a girl walking up ahead on the side of the road, she couldn’t be much older than him. He signaled and stopped the car a little in front of her, opening the passenger side window to see if she wanted a ride.
“Hey, do you need a ride anywhere?” He asks once she gets to the car and looks in.
He can see she’s skeptical of his intentions, he can’t really blame her. His arm is still bandaged from the accident earlier and in a sling for the shoulder dislocation and wrist fracture, definitely has a Ted Bundy affect.
“Not really heading anywhere specific.” She answers.
“Well, I’m Evan 17 just got kicked out and neither am I if that helps. Maybe we can figure it out together?.” He offers
She looks him over for a bit, before opening the car door and getting in.
“Lena, also 17. And I’m not interested, I’m a lesbian.”
He bursts out laughing, but before she can get too offended he quickly says. “I’m Bi, and that’s fair.”
That got a smile out of her.
────────────
“Well if you won’t talk about how you met then how about why you named the band the Debries?”
All three say simultaneously "Classified" and crack up laughing, May just groans off camera.
The video ends there, he assumes because May was done with their lack of cooperation. He goes to look for another one. He clicks on a more recent one, this one had Buck in the loft by himself by the looks of it.
“Ok everyone this is a little different then my regular uploads, I recorded these earlier when I needed to let off some of my emotions. And decided to just upload them because why not. I hope you enjoy.”
Eddie checks the date, he can’t really think of anything significant that happened that day. The video changes to Buck in a different outfit, he knows he has seen him wear that recently. His eyes are a little red rimmed maybe, it’s hard to tell in the video.
🎵 Is it sweet or sour my name in your mouth?
Sittin' in your shower but it won't wash out
How do you justify your hate for me?
I heard you're on some chit chat but won't admit it
I bet you've always hoped that I wouldn't make it
But jealousy don't make you prettier
You're insecure but you've got the nerve so I hope this hurts
I thought that I could trust you with my confessions
But you turned all my secrets to bloody weapons
"Sorry" won't patch up all the wounds you made
And is your conscious burning, do you feel guilty?
As someone who has morals, it would've killed me
Should probably go and find a therapist
'Cause you've got shit a psychologist can't even fix
(Like, stop being such a fucking bitch, I hate it!)
Fuck you, for all of the damage
The least you could do is bring me a bandage
For the knife in my back, that I didn't notice
'Cause I was too focused watching yours
Fuck you, for all of the damage
The least you could do is bring me a bandage
For the knife in my back, that I didn't notice
I was under attack
Now I don't want my best friend back 🎶
The grocery store fight comes flooding back to his mind, he had accused Buck of not caring about Chris when this whole time he had been still in touch with him unbeknownst to him. He called him fucking exhausting, he dosen’t want to think what else he would have said if it wasn’t for the accident that happned outside they had to deal with.
He remembers the few times Buck mentioned meeting with a friend named Tags and how he thought they would get along and asked him if he wanted to join. He never did, he also never asked Buck about his past. Buck always took an interest in anything and everything to do with him and Chris and he never repaid that back.
🎵 This is where all the cracks appear
In my atmosphere, it's hard to breathe
It's obvious people can be blunt
And have sharper tongues than razor teeth
Say the words and they'll sit with me
For eternity, and play my mind
If your plan was to get to me
Well, you got to me, I swear I'm fine
What do you want, do you want from me?
What do you want, do you want from me?
What do you want, do you want from me?
What do you want from me?
Do you wanna see me sad and out of my mind?
All my friends are all settled you're doing just fine
Do you wanna make me mad and hate on you?
Wish I could tell the truth, wish I could say fuck you
I'm fine, I'm fine
Yeah, I'm doing just fine
Do you wanna see me sad and out of my mind?
All my friends are all settled you're doing just fine
Do you wanna make me mad and hate on you?
Wish I could tell the truth, wish I could say fuck you
I'm fine, I'm fine
Yeah, I'm doing just fine 🎶
He had called Buck exhausting, and told him to suck it up. After he had been through his leg being crushed, an embolism and a tsunami where he saved Chris. He is the worst friend on the planet. He didn’t even really check up on him to see how he has been doing after the Tsunami so focused on Chris and his recovery, forgetting that Buck went through the same thing and would need support too.
He doesn't know who tapped over his name with Bosko’s but he should have removed it when he saw it. Though if Bosko and him are such close friends, why hasn’t she removed it herself? Does Buck know Bosko took him to that streetfight?
The next video starts to play automatically, it’s at the loft and he sees Buck with Bosko and that Hondo guy. It looks to be only a few days after the Tsunami, Buck still has scratches on his face and bandages on his arm. Bosko’s ribs still seem to be hurting too.
They are tuning their instruments, and chatting though you can’t really hear them.
“I’m glad you guys decided to do this.” You can hear May off camera again.
“I think we all need it.” Buck says back with a smile, before he starts strumming his electric guitar.
🎵Tragic moments
Come on raise your glasses
Tragic moments
Fun for all the masses
Ticket to the show
The credits have all rolled
Can we make it out alive
Can we make it alright
Can we make it out alive
Tragic moments
Playing all the wrong notes
Tragic moments
Pour a glass of no hope
This town's full of ghosts
Red light signals go
Can we make it out alive
Can we make it alright
Can we make it out alive
Oh, can we make it out alive
Can we make it alright
Can we make it out alive
Tragic moments
Come on fill your glasses
Tragic moments
Fun for all the masses
Ticket to the show
But the credits have all rolled
Can we make it out alive
Can we make it alright
Can we make it out alive🎶
“You guys haven’t done an open mic in awhile, maybe we should go again soon?” May asks.
They all agree, and the video ends. Eddie starts piecing together why Buck said the band being a thing was due to May.
No other video starts up right away so he goes back to the main page and scrolls through them until he gets to another one that has Chris in it and clicks on that one.
They’re at the loft, he guesses May is playing camera women again. Buck is with his acoustic guitar on the couch, Chris has his Back to the camera.
“Buck?”
“Yeah Superman?”
“I know you can’t talk to dad right now, but can you maybe sing him something?”
Eddie checks the date of the video and yeah that was right when Buck filed the lawsuit.
“Well buddy I don’t think he will hear it but sure we can sing him something if you want. How about the song I was listening to the morning I met him?”
“Really? You remember what song that was, it was so long ago!”
Buck laughs a little at that, as does May.
“Yeah I do, I was listening to it and was thinking of recording it to the girl I was with at the time. But then I met your dad and kind of forgot about it. Guess she wasn’t meant to hear it huh.”
“Nope, now it’s Dad’s song!”
He can hear May trying to mask a laugh with a cough, and Buck giving her a look over Chris' head in the video. “I thought you said the only song you had in your head all shift was Whatta Man” May says clearly trying to hold back laughter, if Chris wasn’t there she would have a pillow swung at her face by now. He knows exactly who the girl he intended the song for is, Abbey. He can’t help but be smug that he made him forget all about recording it for her.
🎵A few questions that I need to know
How you could ever hurt me so?
I need to know what I've done wrong
And how long it's been going on
Was it that I never paid enough attention?
Or did I not give enough affection?
Not only will your answers keep me sane
But I'll know never to make the same mistake again
You can tell me to my face or even on the phone
You can write it in a letter, either way, I have to know
Did I never treat you right?
Did I always start the fight?
Either way, I'm going out of my mind
All the answers to my questions I have to find
My head's spinning
Boy, I'm in a daze, I feel isolated
Don't wanna communicate
I'll take a shower, I will scour, I will rub
To find peace of mind
The happy mind I once owned, yeah
Flexing vocabulary runs right through me
The alphabet runs right from A to Z
Conversations, hesitations in my mind
You got my conscience asking questions that I can't find
I'm not crazy
I'm sure I ain't done, nothing wrong, no
I'm just waiting
'Cause I heard that this feeling won't last that long
Never ever have I ever felt so low
When you gonna take me out of this black hole?
Never ever have I ever felt so sad
The way I'm feeling, yeah, you got me feeling really bad
Never ever have I had to find
I've had to dig away to find my own peace of mind
I've never ever had my conscience to fight
The way I'm feeling, yeah, I just don't feel right
I'll keep searching
Deep within my soul
For all the answers
Don't wanna hurt no more
I need peace, gotta feel at ease
Need to be
Free from pain, going insane
My heart aches, yeah
Sometimes vocabulary runs through my head
The alphabet runs right from A to Z
Conversations, hesitations in my mind
You got my conscience asking questions that I can't find
I'm not crazy
I'm sure I ain't done nothing wrong
And now I'm just waiting
'Cause I heard that this feeling won't last that long🎶
Eddie feels flushed all of a sudden, and he doesn't know what to do with that. He decides he needs a break and goes to get another beer and sits in the backyard for some fresh air.
────────────
Coronado - 2009
They stayed with the Strands until Tyler was done with rehab and they all had gone through recovery and some therapy. Owen insisted on giving them a cell phone so that they could call him and Tyler once a week to keep in touch, as well as in case of emergencies.
He also got them a job at a ranch of a friend in Montana, and gave them enough money to cover gas for the way there. They were both overwhelmed by the kindness, not being used to such things especially from the adults in their lives.
Both Evan and Tyler were heartbroken to go their separate ways, but they knew it was for the best and promised to stay friends. Tyler even made him pinky promise, knowing what that meant for him.
They spent a few months in Montana, the job was hard but rewarding, and the people there were nice enough. Unfortunately they only needed seasonal help, so they had to move on. They worked their way across the country, getting cash paying jobs as they went. Waiting tables, construction work, basically anything that they could get.
Eventually about a year after setting off they got to Coronado CA, and had started bartending there. They had no real plans, just wanting to save enough until they could move to the next place.
Clay was new to the bar, and Buck was enjoying watching him and Lena was more than enjoying making fun of him for it. He was sitting at the bar tonight, not at a table and he was waiting for one of them to come over and take his order.
Buck knew Lena would absolutely take it if she wasn’t on the other side of the bar right now, just to be a menace. So he quickly finishes his current order and goes over to him.
“Hey, Clay right? You’re usually in a better mood when you're here.”
“Yeah, Just got into it with my dad.”
“Well that sounds like cause for a drink to me, here your usual on me along with an extra shot.”
“Thanks, man. You really don’t need to do that.”
“Nah, you look like you could use it, here I’ll even join you.” They clink the shot glasses before downing them.
Buck sees that more people are lining up on the other side of the bar.
“Look, I need to get back to work, but if you feel like hanging out here for another half an hour or so till my shift is over maybe we can do something then?”
“Guess you’ll have to finish your shift and see if I’m still here, then.”
“Guess I will.” Buck replies, before heading to help Lena, as he passes her she discreetly fist bumps him.
Around forty minutes later, both Lena and Buck are done with their shift. Lena is somewhere in the bar flirting with a girl she picked up during the shift, and Buck was heading towards where he last saw Clay.
“So, you either really like this bar or have nothing better to do.”
“Deffently nothing better to do.”
“In that case let's get out of here, I know I've seen more than enough of this place.” Buck says, ushering Clay towards the door, waving to Lena as he heads out.
They end up sitting on the shore watching the water.
“So want to talk about whatever happened with your dad?”
Caly looks over at him contemplating, Buck just lets him think it over looking out at the ocean.
“I didn’t grow up with him, I grew up with my grandparents in Liberia after my mom died. I would visit him when he wasn’t deployed but we don’t really know each other or get along that well.”
Buck nods, waiting for him to continue.
“I just got back to the states a few days ago, and started looking into enlisting, specifically the SEAL Challenge Contract. My dad heard about it and was ecstatic since he’s a SEAL and was bragging how I would be a legacy and continuing in his footsteps, all that crap.”
“He wouldn’t hear about how I was doing it to erase his so-called legacy and make my own, that I wanted nothing to do with him. It ended in a screaming match as it usually does when I see him.”
“Good for you.”
Clay just gives him a confused stare.
“What? I mean it! You didn’t back down from something you want to do just because your dad did it first and is connected to it, even if it has some bad connotations for you. Instead you are going and making it your own. And you aren’t afraid to let him know it too. Not many people have the guts to do that.”
“No one has ever worded it like that, or really understood where I was coming from. They kept telling me to just let him be proud of me and enjoy it. Or that I was being a brat”
“Well that’s just bullshit.”
Clay laughs at that, making Buck smile glad to see he managed to lift his mood.
“So what about you? What are you doing in Coronado if you aren’t Navy affiliated?"
“Oh well, Lena the other bartender and I just kind of ended up here. We’ve been traveling for about a year, stopping wherever we find jobs. No actual plans, just working until we have enough to move on to the next place.”
“Are you guys, like?” Clay hedges
At that he bursts out laughing, tears in his eyes but he immediately shakes his head so Clay knows they aren’t. In case the hysterical laughing wasn’t a giveaway.
“Ha, no. `We’re really good friends, almost like siblings at this point.”
“Any chance I can get you to come with me to the recruitment office tomorrow morning then?”
“I don’t know, what will we do to pass the time until then?” Buck smirks at him.
Clay gets up, pulls Buck up from the sand and leads him to the motel he is staying at down the block. They don’t get any sleep, and share a shower in the morning so that they actually make it to Clay’s appointment in time, or that’s the excuse they tell themselves.
Clay signs the contract right there, already knowing it’s what he wants. Buck takes an information packet with him along with the recruiters, and Clay's numbers. He wants to talk to Lena before making any decisions, since they’re a team.
He gets back to the room they are staying at above the bar, and Lena is already there.
“Looks like you had a fun night, did you even get any sleep?”
“Not even a little, what about you?”
“Yeah, she wasn’t looking to hookup sadly.”
“Bummer.”
She notices the packet in his hands and gestures to it.
“Did he give you a score card or something?”
“No, just his number.” Which gets him an eyeroll “No, ah, this is from the Navy recruiter. He was going this morning and had me come with to hear what they had to offer. I thought we could have a look together.”
They go over the contract details and the benefits package together.
“So we would be giving 8 years, but have medical cover, meals and board during training covered and will be getting paid. Not including the extra bonuses for whatever extra training and deployments we do in those 8 years?”
“Yup that about sums it up.”
“And we could stay longer if we like it too. Or leave once the 8 years are up and do something else.”
“Yeah, and we will have references and you know actual certifications and things that we could use. Get real jobs if we want to, or go to school.”
“When do we need to give an answer by?”
“Clay said the naval special warfare preparatory school program starts next week I think, so probably in a few days at most.”
“Ok, then let’s think about it for today at least. Maybe even call Owen and see what he thinks and go from there.”
They end up talking to Owen later that day, he isn’t a fan of them enlisting due to the danger but he does agree with the conclusion they came to regarding the benefits. He says he would support whatever decision they made, and if they did go for it to put him down as their emergency contact.
The next morning they went down and signed their own contracts, both putting Owen as their emergency contact like he requested. Once they were done and back at their room they looked at one another excited but anxious for what was to come.
The next few days Clay helped them get everything they would need together, Buck ended up spending the night a lot knowing once they started training they wouldn’t be able to between the training itself and DADT.
During the medical examinations, Buck discovered when receiving his full medical file that he had a bone marrow donation taken at the age of one for his brother. A brother he didn’t know existed. After some digging he discovered he was a saviour sibling to his older brother Daniel, who ended up dying of infection after the transplant.
It explained a lot about his childhood, and he made sure to talk to both Owen and his therapist about it after he found out.
They passed the eight weeks training without issue, it was challenging but rewarding. Then came BUD/S the first three weeks of orientation went ok, much more intense then NSW by a long shot. But they made it through that as well.
It was the longer twenty four week training that was starting to take its toll, especially on Lena. Towards the end of Hell week she was reaching her breaking point and Buck told her if she decides to ring out, they would do it together. They were a team, and like everything else he wouldn’t let her do it alone.
One of the CO’s overheard them and took them aside to his office. They stand at attention and wait to see what he called them in for.
“Please have a seat, you aren’t in trouble.”
“Yes, Sir.” They both respond and sit down.
“No need for formalities, at least for this conversation. I heard you talking earlier and wanted to offer a solution.”
They exchange a look but wait to hear what he had to say before responding.
“I appreciate the loyalty candidate Buckley has shown, it’s the kind of no man left behind mentality we aspire to in the Teams. So far I haven’t seen him having more than the regular difficulties most would with the training.”
“Thank you Sir.” Buck was surprised he was noticed at all, but pleased to get the complement.
“Now as for you candidate Bosko, you are a very determined young lady. And you should be very proud of how far you have gotten in the training, that is not something to scoff at. What I want to offer is pivoting your training to another pathway.”
Before they can jump in he holds a hand up to stop them.
“Let me finish, then you can ask or add anything you want. So as I was saying, I can offer you two different pathways if you decide to ring out. Instead of going into the general fleet or wherever the Navy deems necessary.”
“The first would be as a Logistics Specialist, the other as an Intelligence Specialist. For both positions you will need to leave for specific A school training, and later will be attached to a Team. What I can guarantee and add to both of your contracts, is that the Team you will be assigned to will be the same one Buckley will be if he finishes his training.”
“Can I just sign the DOR once you change the contracts or will I still need to actually ring the bell?”
“The DOR will be enough, do you have a preference between the two?”
“Logistics Specialist, Sir. Intelligence is not my field.”
“Be here, tomorrow 04:00 and we will have everything taken care of. Make sure to be packed and ready to shipout.”
“Yes Sir. Thank you Lieutenant Commander Mcgarrett.”
They get up, salute him and go back to training for the day.
────────────
Eddie scrolls back as far as he can when he sees an older looking video of what looks like deployed soldiers, he doesn't really understand how these things work but it doesn't look like it was uploaded on Bucks channel but he was maybe tagged in the video.
He clicks on it too curious not to, it starts playing and the song “Call me maybe” by Carly Rae Jepsen starts up while on screen are a bunch of Navy guys in just their bulletproof vests and underwear. It looks to be a base somewhere in the desert and they are lip-syncing and dancing to the song.
What really surprises him is a very young Buck right there with them in a vest, playing the song on a beat up guitar like he's supposed to be there.
He also sees that drummer guy who plays with Buck and Bosko. The music ends and he sees Buck and another blond fake fight in the background smiling and laughing, before the drummer guy tries to take the camera from whoever is filming. That mystery is quickly solved when he calls Bosko's name and turns the camera on her once he manages to grab it.
That also solves that whole classified joke then. He looks at the date of the video, it’s from back in 2012. Buck was only 21 and already deployed, he can’t help but wonder why? And why didn't he know about it? Were they ever on the same base at the same time? Why did he leave?
He thinks back to his first day and wants to kick himself “We do the same thing. I've just done it while people are shooting at me is all.” He can’t believe he actually said that.
He wonders what else he doesn't know about Buck and googles the Purple heart and other medal registries just to check and groans because of course Buck has a Navy cross.
────────────
Virginia Beach - 2015
They had gotten a two bedroom apartment in a Navy approved building off base, across the hall Clay had gotten a one bedroom. Though he ended up spending most of his time at theirs anyway hanging out during the day and staying the night with Evan.
They had all survived their respective training, the boys going into further language classes, as well as sniper and demolition respectively. They had gotten into Seal Team 3 where they met and made good friends with Hondo and Brian. Commander McGarrett checked in on them from time to time, and their weekly calls with the Strands continued.
Already with two tours under their belts now they were back on home soil with the hopes of getting through Green Team and becoming Tier-One operators.
Hondo wasn’t joining them but Brian was, they were starting training tomorrow.
Virginia Beach - 2018
Green team was hard but they made it through even with Ash's surprise visit. They met a girl named Stella while out drinking with Brian at the bulkhead one night and have been great friends ever since. She was a god sent when Brian died during training.
Clay was extremely excited but nervous about joining Bravo, as were Buck and Lena for Echo but they as always had each other’s backs. And when their contracts were up at the end of last year they didn’t even hesitate to reup.
Being on different teams meant different deployments and less downtime together. Buck noticed Clay and Stella were getting closer as time went by and decided to offer up a throuple together since they all got along so well and had great chemistry.
They all had their growing pains on the DEVERGU teams but were starting to get their footing. Buck and Lena were even getting invited to Bravo BBQ’s the only exceptions to the Echo and Bravo teams feud. Jason really taking them into the family. Buck even becoming the unofficial older brother for Emma and Mikey.
Echo team was currently spun up on a long deployment with Bravo next in line to replace them. It’s been several months since they had seen Buck and a few days since they had last video call with him.
All of Bravo were currently at Ray’s and Naima’s enjoying the time together before the coming deployment when all of Bravo’s phones went off at once. Saying quick goodbyes the team head to the briefing room where Mandy is already sat waiting.
They all sit around the table, Blackburn who had come from the gathering with them arriving a few minutes later after getting caught up from higher ups. He sits across from Jason next to Mandy, face closed off and serious as they’ve ever seen him.
“I..” clearing his throat he tries again.
“I have some hard news.” He looks at Jason then at Clay specifically, both sit up straighter.
“Echo were clearing a house, it was a trap and upon breaching it blew. Currently all are KIA but one who has been airlifted to Germany with severe injuries.”
“As we are next on the roster our deployment has been moved up and will be spun up tomorrow. Get what you need in order by then and see you on the tarmac. Dismissed.”
All of Bravo start shouting questions at once, Mandy whistles loudly to get them to quiet down.
“Yes Buck is the one currently en route to Germany, we don’t have word on Lena. She would have been on base so she should be fine. We will update you as we know more.”
They weren’t happy with so little information but they knew they weren’t getting anything else and they not only needed to get ready for deployment they had to break the news to the rest of the Bravo family.
Once out of the room Clay grabbed his phone and tried getting ahold of Lena with no success. He could only hope she was with Buck on the way to Germany and that he would hear from them soon.
────────────
Eddie was staring blankly uncomprehending for so long his screen turned off. He blinked back at it several times before shaking himself and moving the cruiser for it to turn back on and searching for the next video.
He saw the next one up was from February 2018, the year Buck joined the 118. He clicks on it and watches as what looks like a beachfront backyard shows on screen, he can see Bosko stretched out eyes closed looking worse for wear in a Adirondack chair and Buck seating with his long legs hanging off the side of his chair next to her.
He doesn’t think they’re in LA but it’s hard to tell. Buck looks for all intents and purposes like he has just been blown up, and god does Eddie wish he didn’t know what that looked like.
He was playing a small looking guitar, maybe a ukulele, and singing “Zombie” by the cranberries. It was hauntingly beautiful. Before he could get too into it he switched up into a rendition of “Hallelujah” which was just as beautiful.
Whoever was filming was slowly getting closer and after about a minute of the new song Buck without missing a bit or looking back says "McGarrett, you know you suck at stealth maneuvers why do you keep trying?” Which causes Bosko to snort out a laugh still with her eyes closed.
Eddie has to pause, is he referring to the infamous legendary Commander McGarrett? The one now in charge of a task force in Hawaii. Maybe that’s where they were. He watches on.
“Well Chaos magnet just wanted to capture the serenity for prosperity while it lasted” at this they both snort and Buck shakes his head switching up his song again this time to something more upbeat and starts singing “I wanna be sedated” by the Ramones.
This gets them all laughing.
────────────
LRMC (Landstuhl Regional Medical Center) Germany - 2018
After the eight years of their contract had passed mostly without incident Owen had fooled himself that he would never be getting that dreadful call he feared for so long.
After getting off the phone with the Navy personnel and confirming with a crying Lena that he was on the next flight to Germany and would meet her there. He headed to get TK and do just that.
Now they were all huddled around Evan, TK and Lena sleeping together on the cot that was brought to the hospital room. He was in the armchair. He had woken up a few days ago, they were waiting now for him to be stable enough to be transferred back to the states.
He would first be moved to a Military hospital then rehabilitation until he was fit for duty again. He had several offers of where he could go for that rehab including with them, and Lena would probably go wherever he did knowing him.
“Owen” he looks up and sees Evan looking at him.
“Hi Kid, how are you holding up?”
“Been better, they told me earlier they are considering honorably discharging me because of what happened to the team and I don’t.. I..”
Owen leans to hold his hand careful of all the infusions and injuries.
“Ev, look at me and try to breathe with me ok.”
Taking a few shuddering breaths in, he starts to calm down, Owen passes him some water and tissues.
He grips the tissue in his hands after drying his eyes staring down at it. “I will lose everything I worked so hard for, my career, my friends, my entire support system. Them and you are everything I have, basically closest to family I will ever get. I can’t imagine doing anything without Lena. We're a Team.”
He puts both his hands on top of Evans “I don’t think you are getting rid of Lena if you tried.” Which gets him a small chuckle.
“I can’t speak for anyone else but if they know you like I do, they aren’t going anywhere kid. I sure as hell haven’t yet. Whatever happens you got me always, we can figure the rest as it comes. Maybe you’ll even end up a firefighter like me, you never know.”
“Thanks Owen, I really needed to hear that.” After a pause he adds “You guys can stop pretending to sleep now.”
Tk and Lena both get up at that and mander over to sit next to his bedside. They all talk through the different options in case he does end up with an honorable discharge.
They nix NYC pretty fast, as much as they love the strands, a big hectic city and a high rise isn’t great for recovery. And they don’t want them to take any more time off regardless.
They could go back to VA Beach of course but with Bravo long term deployed and Stella not in the picture anymore most of their support isn’t there. Naima and Alana have their own kids to care for and worry about.
The decision is made when Steve calls for his regular check in and hears about the issue, he offers them to come stay at his place for the duration of the recovery. He will also pull some strings so that he will be transferred to the hospital over there instead of one on the mainland.
“What about Lena’s contract?” Evan asks
“I took care of that when I made the original changes to both of your contracts, if ever one of you was honorably discharged for medical reasons the other would be given the choice to also be. Figuring separating the two of you would not be worth the trouble.”
“Guess we’re going to Honolulu.” He says to the room at large as the call disconnects.
────────────
“TK, come on. It’s not my fault you couldn’t be there to see it. It was last minute! I’m sure the girls will be happy to describe everything in great detail to you both as much as you want, and May probably recorded it regardless.” Buck sighs back out on his balcony, too dark to see the horizon, just the LA street and building lights, no stars.
“Well, excuse me for wanting to be there for you.” TK says
“I think you mean watch their heads explode from confusion and information?” Buck snorts he can imagine the face TK is making perfectly.
“That too. Both are an option, you know, I can multitask.”
They both get a laugh at that. The alarm goes off on TK’s end he quickly says goodbye, and the call disconnects.
“Can multitask my ass.” Buck shakes his head and scoffs.
Without anything better to do, he takes out his electric keyboard and guitar and starts to play.
────────────
Eddie is scrolling through the channel and all the different videos, still gobsmacked at the amount. He tries to think back on his friendship with Buck, but he can’t ever remember hearing him sing or seeing him with an instrument.
He keeps running all their interactions in his mind, all the times his service came up, his silver star, and Buck kept quiet about his own service and medals. Though when Chim was grilling him on his first day, he did try to divert the conversation onto a different topic, which he never thanked him for.
He knows everything there is to know about Eddie, at least until the lawsuit happened and he started the streetfighting, unless Bosko told him about that. All he can think of is that he’s from Pennsylvania, traveled a lot, and has an older sister. He doesn't even know if the Buckley parents are still alive. How was their childhood? Does he miss home at all? But like Maddie pointed out, they never really asked.
How the entire team didn’t even know about Maddie for the whole of Bucks Probie year is a mystery, though maybe not if none of them really know him as they thought. He just always seems like such an open book.
Before he can spiral further, a live notification comes up on his screen, he clicks on it, and a livestream video from Buck’s channel opens up. He can see Buck now in more casual clothes in his loft, sitting at what looks like an electric keyboard.
The 118 group chat goes nuts, so he wasn’t the only one lurking after the show.
“Hey everyone, if anyone is even watching right now. Other than you, TK, stop being such a stalker we just talked two minutes ago.”
Who the hell was TK? He really doesn't know Buck at all, does he?
“Anyway, I have some things to work through, and if you who have been here a while might have noticed, music is one of the best ways for me to do that. May keeps bugging to do one of these lives instead of uploading after the fact, so here goes. Hope you aren’t bored to tears.”
He starts playing a song Eddie’s sure he’s heard on the radio a few times but hasn’t listened to properly, so doesn't know well. He tries to listen closely to the lyrics, having noticed Buck tends to choose songs with meaningful lyrics to what he is dealing with.
🎵You went to a party
I heard from everybody
You part the crowd like the Red Sea
Don't even get me started
Did you get anxious though
On the way home?
I guess I'll never, ever know
Now that we don't talk
Eddie doesn't know what to think, he has a feeling this is about him. About what he has been resolutely ignoring since the day they met. He keeps spiraling, the group chat keeps going he doesn't bother checking it. He opens the live on his phone, grabs his keys, and heads out.
You grew your hair long
You got new icons
And from the outside
It looks like you're tryin' lives on
I miss the old ways
You didn't have to change
But I guess I don't have a say
Now that we don't talk
I call my mom, she said that it was for the best
Remind myself the more I gave, you'd want me less
I cannot be your friend
So I pay the price of what I lost
And what it cost
Now that we don't talk
What do you tell your friends we
Shared dinners, long weekends with
Truth is I can't pretend it's
Platonic, it's just ended
So I call my mom, she said to get it off my chest
Remind myself the way you faded 'til I left
I cannot be your friend
So I pay the price of what I lost
And what it cost
Now that we don't talk
I don't have to pretend I like acid rock
Or that I'd like to be on a mega yacht
With important men who think important thoughts
Guess maybe I am better off
Now that we don't talk
And the only way back to my dignity
Was to turn into a shrouded mystery
Just like I had been when you were chasing me
Guess this is how it has to be
Now that we don't talk🎶
Buck starts on the next song right as he finishes this one, as if they were blended together.
🎵Summer went away, still, the yearning stays
I play it cool with the best of them
I wait patiently, he's gonna notice me
It's okay, we're the best of friends
Anyway
I hear it in your voice, you're smoking with your boys
I touch my phone as if it's your face
I didn't choose this town, I dream of getting out
There's just one who could make me stay
All my days
From sprinkler splashes to fireplace ashes
I waited ages to see you there
I search the party of better bodies
Just to learn that you never cared
You're on your own, kid
You always have been
I see the great escape, so long, Daisy May
I picked the petals, he loves me not
Something different bloomed, writing in my room
I play my songs in the parking lot
I'll run away
From sprinkler splashes to fireplace ashes
I called a taxi to take me there
I search the party of better bodies
Just to learn that my dreams aren't rare
You're on your own, kid
You always have been
From sprinkler splashes to fireplace ashes
I gave my blood, sweat, and tears for this
I hosted parties and starved my body
Like I'd be saved by a perfect kiss
The jokes weren't funny, I didn’t take the money
My friends from home don't know what to say
I looked around in blood-soaked garb
And I saw something they can't take away
'Cause there were pages turned with the bridges burned
Everything you lose is a step you take
So make the pinky promises, take the moment and taste it
You've got no reason to be afraid
You're on your own, kid
Yeah, you can face this
You're on your own, kid
You always have been🎶
Eddie would really like to throw his phone that is still getting texts without pausing out the car window, but Buck is starting on yet another song, and he can’t help wanting to hear what is coming next.
🎵We gather here, we line up, weepin' in a sunlit room
And if I'm on fire, you'll be made of ashes too
Even on my worst day, did I deserve, babe
All the hell you gave me?
'Cause I loved you, I swear I loved you
'Til my dying day
I didn't have it in myself to go with grace
And you're the hero flying around, saving face
And if I'm dead to you, why are you at the wake?
Cursing my name, wishing I stayed
Look at how my tears ricochet
We gather stones, never knowing what they'll mean
Some to throw, some to make a diamond ring
You know I didn't want to have to haunt you
But what a ghostly scene
You wear the same jewels that I gave you
As you bury me
I didn't have it in myself to go with grace
'Cause when I'd fight, you used to tell me I was brave
And if I'm dead to you, why are you at the wake?
Cursing my name, wishing I stayed
Look at how my tears ricochet
And I can go anywhere I want
Anywhere I want, just not home
And you can aim for my heart, go for blood
But you would still miss me in your bones
And I still talk to you (when I'm screaming at the sky)
And when you can't sleep at night (you hear my stolen lullabies)
I didn't have it in myself to go with grace
And so the battleships will sink beneath the waves
You had to kill me, but it killed you just the same
Cursing my name, wishing I stayed
You turned into your worst fears
And you're tossing out blame, drunk on this pain
Crossing out the good years
And you're cursing my name, wishing I stayed
Look at how my tears ricochet🎶
He parks haphazardly outside of Bucks building and starts his way inside, going up the stairs instead of waiting for the elevator, all the while watching Buck play.
🎵You say, "I don't understand," and I say, "I know you don't"
We thought a cure would come through in time, now, I fear it won't
Remember lookin' at this room? We loved it 'cause of the light
Now, I just sit in the dark and wonder if it's time
Do I throw out everything we built or keep it?
I'm getting tired even for a phoenix
Always risin' from the ashes
Mendin' all her gashes
You might just have dealt the final blow
Stop, you're losin' me
Stop, you're losin' me
Stop, you're losin' me
I can't find a pulse
My heart won't start anymore for you
'Cause you're losin' me
Every mornin', I glared at you with storms in my eyes
How can you say that you love someone you can't tell is dyin'?
I sent you signals and bit my nails down to the quick
My face was gray, but you wouldn't admit that we were sick
And the air is thick with loss and indecision
I know my pain is such an imposition
Now, you're runnin' down the hallway
And you know what they all say
"You don't know what you got until it's gone"
Eddie would laugh at the timing, since he was literally running down Bucks hallway, but none of this was remotely funny. He closes the video once he’s at the door, glad he has the key on him before walking in.
Stop, you're losin' me
Stop, you're losin' me
Stop, you're losin' me
I can't find a pulse
My heart won't start anymore for you
'Cause you're losin' me
'Cause you're losin' me
Stop (Stop) 'cause you're losin' me
Buck doesn't seem to notice him, at least he doesn't acknowledge his presence. He leans against the stairs and watches, taking him in.
My heart won't start anymore
(Stop 'cause you're losin' me)
My heart won't start anymore
(Stop 'cause you're losin' me)
How long could we be a sad song
'Til we were too far gone to bring back to life?
I gave you all my best me's, my endless empathy
And all I did was bleed as I tried to be the bravest soldier
Fighting in only your army, frontlines, don't you ignore me
I'm the best thing at this party (You're losin' me)
And I wouldn't marry me either
A pathological people pleaser
Who only wanted you to see her
And I'm fadin', thinkin'
"Do something, babe, say something" (Say something)
"Lose something, babe, risk something" (You're losin' me)
"Choose something, babe, I got nothing" (I got nothing)
"To believe, unless you're choosin' me"
You're losin' me
Stop (Stop, stop), you're losin' me
Stop (Stop, stop), you're losin' me
I can't find a pulse
My heart won't start anymore🎶
Buck finally looks up but still doesn't look at Eddie, he looks towards his phone that is still streaming. “Sorry guys, if anyone is even watching, but it looks like I have a surprise visitor and need to end this live. I promise if you liked it to try and do more.”
Grabbing his phone, he closes out of the live and puts it in his pocket. Finally, he looks up at Eddie.
“Why are you here?”
“We should talk”
Buck gives him a disbelieving look and laughs.
“Now? Now you want to talk? Ok, what do you want to talk about? The lawsuit? Chris? Maybe your new hobby?”
So Bosko definitely told him about the streetfighting.
“Why didn’t you ever say you knew Bosko? How long have you known her?”
Buck drags a hand over his face and shakes his head.
“That’s what you want to know? Fine. We met when we were seventeen, and why don’t you know about it? Well, you never bothered asking, and whenever I invited you out with us you had other things to do.”
Buck moves past him towards the kitchen and takes a water bottle out of the fridge. He takes out his phone and sees an incoming call from TK, and several missed messages from all of his sisters. He answers TK, ignoring Eddie for now.
“Is your surprise visitor who I think it is?”
Buck laughs. “I knew you were watching, and yeah, it is.”
“Do you need backup? You know I will be there in like a ride to the airport and flight?”
“I know, and I appreciate it. You know I would do the same, right?”
“Yeah, I don’t like this.”
“You don’t need to like it, I will call you once he leaves.”
“You better.” TK grumbles before ending the call.
He turns to see Eddie is practically standing on top of him, causing him to take a step back into the fridge.
“Who was that?”
“None of your business. What are you really doing here, Eddie?”
“I don’t know! I got home and started going through the videos, and then the live started and the next thing I knew I was in my car.”
Buck sighs and sits on a bar stool next to the island.
“I really don’t know what you want from me, and why now? You had weeks, months to talk to me, to hear my side and ask anything! So what, you feel guilty all of a sudden? You were supposed to have my back, but you weren’t there!”
“Fuck I know! Ok, I know. I fucked up, and I want to make this better. I’m truly sorry, Evan. I should have talked to you after Bobby told us about the lawsuit, I should have had your back. Is there any way for me to fix this?”
“This can’t be fixed just like that, this is going to take time and effort on both our parts.”
“I will put in the time, just please, I can’t lose you.”
Buck looks at him, really looks at how desperate he looks. He shakes his head and stands up, walking to stand in front of Eddie.
“Ground rules.”
“Anything, whatever you need.”
“This isn’t just about me, this is about both of us. First and most important, no more fucking fighting. You realize how dangerous that is? Not only could you have gotten severely hurt with no way to pay your medical since it’s off shift. It’s also illegal, if you had been busted, Chris would have been taken away!”
Eddie goes completely pale, obviously never having connected those dots. Buck leads him to sit on the stool behind him and gets him some water.
“I never thought about that. I always think of Chris first, and it never crossed my mind that he could be taken because of this.”
“Well, that first fight was veteran-organized and mostly legal, it was supposed to help you get out some steam, not turn into whatever addiction you have going on now.”
Eddie nods, though he has a lot of questions about that.
“Ok, we can come back to that. What are the other rules?”
“We talk, no matter what the issue is, we do not bury and ignore it. We need to communicate better. I should have talked to you before filing the lawsuit, you shouldn’t have had to hear about it from Bobby. But you should have talked to me after you heard or at least listened when I tried to explain. We can’t keep going as is.”
“I’m not very good at that, but I will work on it.”
“That’s all I can ask, and I may have an idea that will help with both things.”
He can see he’s curious, so he explains how he and Lena spar and talk things out. She sometimes has the same issue with talking things out, and doing it that way helps her loosen up. Eddie doesn’t look too happy about the comparison.
“Don’t be jealous.”
Eddie starts objecting but thinks better and just shakes his head. Buck does his best not to laugh.
“Anything else?”
“Both of us are going to start some therapy.” He can see the objections coming and stops Eddie by putting a hand over his mouth.
“Nope, let me finish. I have someone through the VA. I can help you find someone you can trust, or, if you want, maybe try Bobby’s priest. But you need to talk to someone. Someone that isn’t just me.”
Eddie sighs but agrees.
“So anything you want to add for me?” Buck asks.
Eddie thinks about it for a minute. “Nothing right now, I just have a ton of questions, honestly.”
“Yeah, that’s fair. How about we take a break for a bit, and we can pick up after, and I’ll answer any questions you have.”
“After what?”
Buck takes his phone out again, and after tinkering with it for a second, music starts up from his Bluetooth speakers.
“May I have this dance?” He holds out his hand for Eddie to take, and, chuckling, he does. They start to spin through the loft, Buck sings along as they go.
🎶This ain't for the best
My reputation's never been worse, so
You must like me for me
We can't make
Any promises now, can we, babe?
But you can make me a drink
Dive bar on the East Side, where you at?
Phone lights up my nightstand in the black
Come here, you can meet me in the back
Dark jeans and your Nikes, look at you
Oh damn, never seen that color blue
Just think of the fun things we could do
'Cause I like you
Third floor on the West Side, me and you
Handsome, you're a mansion with a view
Do the girls back home touch you like I do?
Long night, with your hands up in my hair
Echoes of your footsteps on the stairs
Stay here, honey, I don't wanna share
'Cause I like you
This ain't for the best
My reputation's never been worse, so
You must like me for me
Yeah, I want you
We can't make
Any promises now, can we, babe?
But you can make me a drink
Is it cool that I said all that?
Is it chill that you're in my head?
'Cause I know that it's delicate (delicate)
Is it cool that I said all that
Is it too soon to do this yet?
'Cause I know that it's delicate
Isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it?
Isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it?
Delicate
Sometimes I wonder when you sleep
Are you ever dreaming of me?
Sometimes when I look into your eyes
I pretend you're mine, all the damn time
'Cause I like you
Is it cool that I said all that?
Is it chill that you're in my head?
'Cause I know that it's delicate
Delicate🎵
Just like with the video where he saw Buck spin Bosko out and back to him before dipping her. Buck spun him out, but unlike there, where she caused them both to crash to the floor, he lets the dip happen, staring up at Buck as they slowly inch closer until they both feel the other's breath against their own lips. Eddie surges up, not being able to handle the distance for another second, and closes the gap between them.
The kiss is like nothing he could have dreamed of, full of passion but at the same time like coming home.
Buck pulls Eddie back up, not letting go of his lips the entire way. Slowly, he walks them back until they hit the stairs and finally break apart.
Eddie nods, and that’s all Buck needs, this time, he surges forward to capture Eddie’s lips while simultaneously grabbing the back of his thighs and picking him up.
The curses of surprise are swallowed up as they continue to kiss, as Buck carries Eddie up the stairs and gently sets him down on the bed, hurriedly following. They shuffle together till they reach the headboard and Buck settles on top of Eddie.
They make out for a while, taking the time to explore each other. Eventually they lay side by side, taking everything in.
“So what do you want to know?” Buck asks.
“Everything.”
So Buck tells him about his childhood before and after Maddie left. The accident and meeting Lena. NYC, TK, and Owen. Travelling around, working from random job to random job, until he met Clay and his stint with the Navy, how he’s actually not discharged but in reserves. How he went to visit May in the hospital and how they became so close and how she made the band a thing.
He talks for hours, they avoid the lawsuit and all that mess for now. Finally falling asleep a little after the sun came up.
────────────
Epilogue - One year later
The band members were getting ready to go on stage, they were having another benefit concert. This time the crowd was filled with friends and family, including Bravo, Stella, and the Strands.
“B, you ready?” Hondo asks.
“Yeah, we’ve got this.” He smiles and tries not to look out in the crowd to find Eddie and Chris.
It’s been a long year. They both worked hard on their relationship, and it was stronger than ever. After finally talking about what led Buck to file the lawsuit and all the aftermath, they went together to Chief Alonzo and arranged a new settlement offer together.
They left the 118 and joined Lena at Station 136 once it was reopened. The time it was being rebuilt, they put to good use, Eddie finally taking his bereavement leave he didn’t take after Shanon and starting to work on their mental health separately and together. As well as getting to know their new team members and captain.
Buck knew them a little through Lena and a few hangouts he joined, but now they were doing specific get-togethers so they could all bond as a team.
The reconciliation with the 118 was still ongoing, Bobby being the most difficult to forgive for both Buck and Eddie. But they were all making an effort and doing family dinners at the Grant-Nash house monthly. Buck continues the weekly dinners with the Grants, sometimes with Eddie and Chris joining.
Eddie and Taylor even made a truce that led into a growing friendship, getting them to get along will probably be the best-worst thing Buck has ever done. Lena is just as amused and horrified to see it but makes sure to lay all the blame on Buck.
Buck gets smacked out of his musings by Lena, who has been trying to get his attention for a few minutes.
“Seriously, B, can you go five minutes without daydreaming about your new husband?”
“I’d say yes, but I’d be lying.”
She shakes her head. “We’re on in five, so make the most of them.”
“Will do.” They fist bump, and he grabs one more sip of his water before doing some last checks.
They hear May announce them, and head out onto the stage.
Adjusting the mic, he looks out, seeing Eddie and Chris right up front, and he can’t help but smile.
“Thank you all for coming and contributing to such an important cause! Like last year’s concert, we have professionals all around if you need them, and all proceeds from the show and any streaming of it will go directly to Suicide prevention.”
And with that, they start the show.
🎶Is this what you've been waiting for?
I'm so far from home
I've been out here a long time
On the open road
I've been running for my life
I've been going for hours
Sick of staring at stars
Nothing on the horizon
It's only us
I need to feel the
Light and sound, it's all around
I feel the noise beneath the ground, oh (oh-oh)
Is this what you've been waiting for?
I've seen it on the movie screen
I can't believe, is this a dream? Oh (oh-oh)
Is this what you've been waiting for?
Feel the energy rising
As the lights get low
And my heartbeat's climbing
Through the glory of the afterglow
As the night smashes through
I'm only looking at you
Together on the horizon
It's only us
We need to feel the
Light and sound, it's all around
I feel the noise beneath the ground, oh (oh-oh)
Is this what you've been waiting for?
I've seen it on the movie screen
I can't believe, is this a dream? Oh (oh-oh)
Is this what you've been waiting for?
This is what I came here for
All the things we left behind
This is what I'm searching for
Something that'll blow my mind
This is what I came here for
All the things we left behind
I need to feel, I need to feel
I need to feel the
Light and sound, it's all around
I feel the noise beneath the ground, oh🎵