Chapter Text
“Happy Birthday, Haymitch!” Nightmare Sid’s voice melds with the real one as I jolt awake. He doesn’t understand why those words send me back two years, to the start of my trip to the arena.
“I’m up!” I ruffle his curls and watch them bounce. No doubt he’s nervous for today. He’s twelve, after all, and I will spend the next seven years crossing my fingers that he doesn’t wind up with what I thought would be my fate.
There were only a handful of things that got me through the year: knowing that my team consists of Effie Trinket, who does pretty much all of the work for me, my family, some friendly victors like Chaff and Mags, and my girl. Lenore Dove has been spoiled rotten by my newfound wealth. She doesn’t want much, but all I want is to keep her happy. She has an assortment of new dresses, one of which she was saving for today. Her last reaping day.
The thought manages to give me the courage to roll out of bed. I grab the clothes my mom laid out for me. Nicer than my normal wear but not so fancy as to be considered celebratory. As I fasten the last button, I wonder who I will be mentoring this year.
Last year was no walk in the park. I had to watch two of my former classmates get slaughtered. Rowan didn’t even make it through the bloodbath. I’d told her to run. Scotty listened to me, but ended up being lured by the District 3 girl who figured out how to manipulate the parrot mutts that ran rampant through the arena.
I shake the memories away and focus on my goal for today: spend as much time with the people I love before I have to get on that train. The air smells sweet, and I know my cake waits for me downstairs. Ma figured that since I have to leave every year, we might as well celebrate my life first thing. I can’t blame her.
I hear her before I see her. When my eyes land on Lenore Dove, everything fades away. The dress begins blue at her neck and then slowly transforms into a fiery orange as it falls at her feet. She’s even tied her hair back with an orange scarf that I’ve never seen her wear before. She glows brighter than the sun itself. No, she glows brighter than all-fire.
“What do ya think?” She grins in her way that lets me know she doesn’t need my answer. One look at my face and even President Snow would know I was too far gone. I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life looking at her like this. Listening to her sing, watching her feed those geese, and staying up late talking about everything. After today, the Capitol will have no say in her life. She will be truly mine.
“I think that I need to lie down.”
She lets out a rough laugh. “Not so fast! You’re the man of the hour.” She intertwines her fingers with mine and drags me in front of my glowing cake. She leads my family in the Covey’s birthday song, and then I blow out the candles— all eighteen of them.
I know that this moment won’t last forever. We will soon be by the Justice Building. I try to commit this moment to memory so I can look back while I’m away. Lenore Dove on my arm. Sid clapping and Ma laughing. It all goes away too fast. Ma slides the untouched cake into the fridge. My stomach flips as reality burrows its way in.
There is still some time until we have to make for the square, so Lenore Dove and I head back upstairs for a bit of privacy. The morning of the reaping is meant for her, and Ma respects that.
Lenore Dove stands in the light streaming through the window. “Have I ever mentioned how beautiful you are?”
“Once or twice.” She grins at me, eyes sparkling.
I come up behind her and wrap my arms tight around her middle. My chin rests atop her head as we gaze out the window. The first thing you can see is the square. The stone streets and decent-looking stores. I swear I can see the candy glisten through the Donner’s shop window. I wonder if they have extra chewy marshmallows today. Past that, a blanket of mist wraps protectively around the worn, gray houses of the Seam. The fog swirls around, creating an air of mystery and gloom. We can’t see it from here, but if you follow the road farther down, you will find the crooked little house that the Covey call home.
“Do you ever miss it?” She asks. “Your old house.”
“I miss being close to you. We’re on opposite sides of twelve now. Why?” My eyes fix on one house.
“It’s still your house, you know? You could go back.” She’s testing the waters.
“No, I can’t.” I try to prune the thought here.
“Yes, you can!” She turns to look me in my eyes. The sudden movement causes my hands to fall to her hips. “No one is keeping you here. If you refused all this… it could really say something.”
“It’s not as simple as that.” I search for more complex words, but I’ve always been straightforward. “They could still hurt the people I love if I act up.”
“I’m alright with that.” Her voice doesn’t waver.
“Well, I’m not! Besides, I’ve got Sid and Ma to worry about.” I tuck a loose curl back into her scarf. “Please, don’t cause any trouble when I’m gone. I need to know you’re safe.”
“Fine. I’ll play nice.” I feel her muscles relax as she lets the issue go.
I pull her in and plant a soft kiss on her lips. “Thank you.”
“How can I say no when you do that?” I feel her smile.
My thumb moves across the smooth plane of her cheek. I study her face. I could never forget it, but I still worry I might. Her strong chin and sharp cheekbones are made soft by the curls that frame them. Her eyes shine bright as the light catches them, and now and then you can catch the red hue in her hair.
“Now, what exactly are you doing?” Her lips turn up into a knowing smile.
“Trying to make sure I remember exactly what you look like so I can take that image with me to the Capitol.” My hand drops from her face the moment her smile disappears.
“You listen to me, Haymitch Abernathy. If there is one thing I want you to remember, it’s that I love you like all-fire. You got that?” She pats my chest where the flint striker lies under my clothes.
Before I can respond, Ma is at the door telling us it’s time to go. My girl takes my hand, and we step away from our private sanctuary and into the lion’s den.
Sid steps tentatively outside ahead of us. “Lenore Dove?” I ask.
“Yeah?” I watch her watch him and know she’s thinking the same thing.
“Tell me everything is going to be okay.” We stop. This is where I’m to say goodbye and make for the stage.
“Oh, Hay…” That’s all she says before kissing me. I soak in the feel of her. “We’re gonna be just fine.”
I want to believe her. I want to believe that the last two years have been some prolonged nightmare and I will wake up to Sid’s voice. I will catch the sight of three blonde heads bobbing in the square as the Donners and Astrid walk arm in arm. I’ll see a glinting coin flipping in Wyatt’s hand and hear my sweetheart trailing after me. Ma will ask me to fill the cistern or gather the hardwood ashes in the fire pit so she can make lye soap. But I know those things will never happen again.
My feet have carried me to the Justice Building where I will be until it’s time for me to be on stage. Last year I made the mistake of looking at Lenore Dove in the crowd the whole time. I nearly went mad with worry. This time when Effie grabs my elbow and thrusts me out the door, I look at the floor. The wood creaks with each step. It amazes me how Effie can keep upright in those monstrous shoes.
The anthem begins. I instinctively look to the sky but quickly drop my gaze. There are no fallen tributes. Yet. This makes my already queasy stomach somersault. If I had eaten breakfast, it would already be broadcast to all of Panem.
The new mayor takes the stage. I haven’t bothered learning his name. He reads the Treaty of Treason aloud. As if we could forget why we are all here today. If Snow thought that I’d fall in love with the Capitol after I won the games, he’s sorely mistaken. My hatred for it still burns.
Effie walks to the mic looking like she’s stepped out of an ice storm. Her skin is made paler than ever by the frosty blue dress that has so many shiny beads embedded into it I can’t imagine it moves. Her lips are the same color, and her hair is bright white with swirls of sparkling blue.
“Ladies first!” My stomach drops further with each clacking step she takes. She dips her hand in the bowl and rustles the papers around for what she calls suspense. Finally, she grabs one and heads back to her mic. “The very privileged lady is… Lenore Dove Baird.”
I gasp. I grasp the bottom of my chair, so I don’t tip over. The mirage of colors she’s wearing draws my eye to her. I can only hope the Capitol finds her as beautiful as I do. She keeps her head high as she marches up the steps. I must do whatever it takes for her to win. I know she can.
“And the young man who is to accompany this lovely lady is…” Effie’s voice pierces through the quiet square. Her mouth screws up in discomfort, and I know exactly whose name is on that slip. “Sid Abernathy.”
I watch numbly as my little brother climbs the steps. Lenore Dove pulls him beside her, and he clutches her dress. I know that look. It’s the same one he had two years ago before I was taken to the train. The only difference is that now he cowers behind Lenore Dove instead of Ma.
Ma! It takes a while to spot her until I notice a break in the crowd. Ma is on her knees. Burdock, Blair, Otho, and Astrid crouch beside her to console her. How can you console a mother who for the second time has to watch her kid fight to the death? Simple answer: you can’t.
Two peacekeepers have to drag me into the Justice Building. I barely even register the movement until the doors close in front of me, blocking my view. It takes all I have to turn and face my girl and my little brother. When I see them, I become sick. A horrifying truth has just entered my mind. I must say goodbye to one of them because both of them surviving is not an option.