shorthanded for the week

by Aiyta

Summary:

The Loons play beer league hockey at the Montreal Amateur Ice Arena on Tuesday nights and are perpetually short of players. One week, on the brink of having to forfeit, they gain a new player: Ilya Rozanov.

Or, Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov are regular people playing beer league hockey together. They fall in love, obviously.

Notes:

Right, let’s get to it.

As someone who played a lot of sport growing up, and a lot of social sport (i.e. ‘beer league’) during my teens and adult years (until The Injury, ugh) I always feel there’s a criminal lack of beer league fics in this fandom. So, in aid of creating the stories I want to see in the world, here I am.

I use book canon over show canon in most instances, except where I mix in a little show canon for flavour.

To be absolutely clear, Ilya’s English is dialled back a bit in this. In this AU the characters are Regular People and so Ilya does not grow up a hockey star bound for North America. This I think would mean he learned less English in his youth and also that it would take him longer, for financial and education reasons, to actually be able to secure a visa/leave Russia and move to an English-speaking country. This means he is less fluent as a ~30 year old in this fic than he is at the same age in canon (because in canon by 29/30 his English is great, as we know).

I have also taken some liberties with group chat functions here; I am using an iMessage skin but including features like self-setting nicknames, ‘tagging’ chat participants and logging of calls which iMessage doesn’t do. But it’s for narrative purposes so please don’t come for me.

CONTENT WARNINGS: General warning for canon-typical homophobia from the regular suspects.

IMPORTANT: This work uses a work skin for the text messages and so is best read with Creator’s Style left on!

You should also be able to hover over any Russian (or click on mobile) to get the English translation.

Chapter 1

The Loons (Tuesday)

Monday 10 May 2021 at 11:49 AM

Bood

Everyone who'll be playing tomorrow night’s game please say.

Also, Happy Birthday Shane.

Shane

Yes.

Thank you.

Hayden

Yes

Happy birthday Shane!

Hazy

Yes, and happy birthday to you Hollzy

Troy

Yes. Happy Birthday Shane

Pointy

hollzy my man have a great bday

yes for the game

Chewie

Yes

Hope you’re having a great day Hollzy, happy birthday

Shane

Thanks everyone. We’re on at 8:30pm on Rink 1 against MontREALEST.

Bood

Worst team name ever.

J.J.

Good luck boys. I’ll be back in Montreal next month, I’ll see you for a game then.

Hayden

Look forward to it man

The Loons (Tuesday)

Tuesday 11 May 2021 at 11:03 PM

Bood

@Pointy you owe me $20 for your match fee.

Pointy

i know i know

The Loons (Tuesday)

Wednesday 12 May 2021 at 10:54 AM

Bood

So as discussed last night it looks like next week we will be short of players. Anyone know anyone we could get to fill in? Ask around.

Shane

Could we ask anybody who we’ve had fill in before?

Bood

@Pointy is Chris around?

Pointy

i sent the 20 this morning brother

sorry man didn’t read the message

@Young you in mtl this week?

Bood

Next week.

Young

Hey nah sorry guys I’m in Ottawa for the foreseeable

Bood

No problems dude, thanks.

Shane

Sorry about this everyone, I didn’t want to leave you short.

Troy

Not only your fault Shane

Hayden

It’s neither of your fault, we all have days we can’t play

Bood

We’re always cutting it short given we only have 7 regulars anyway.

Shane

It would be good if we could find more regular players. Maybe we should ask one of the players that floats around as a casual fill-in, one of them might be open to having a more regular team.

Hazy

We are not asking Gil Comeau to join our team I’d rather not play with him every week

Bood

Definitely not.

Hayden

No way

Shane

It’s not ideal but if we need players maybe we have to consider it.

Hayden

After what he said to you last time Shane?

Shane

I can handle it.

Troy

I’d rather not

Bood

I will forfeit before I play with Gil ever again.

Pointy

me too hate that guy

Shane

Sorry Troy, I didn’t realise he’d said anything to you?

Troy

He didn’t

But Harris wasn’t there the time he filled in and I don’t want to know what he’d say if he was

Shane

You think he’d be homophobic?

Troy

Is that not what he was saying to you?

Shane

No. It was about me being Asian.

Bood

Fuck sake Hollzy. We’re really not having that asshole back.

Chewie

I am also Team No Gil Comeau. What about Breezy, the tall guy with the wife and daughter who come out?

Hazy

He’s with Scott’s team permanently now.

Hayden

Tanner from the front desk team? He sometimes fills in.

Bood

Tore his ACL two weeks ago, saw him hobbling around the arena last night.

Hayden

Fucking hell

Shane

Swear jar.

J.J.

I sent a few quick messages to some guys in know in Montreal, but none can play next week. Sorry boys.

Shane

Thanks for trying, J.J.

Marly

I was working with a guy on that Old Montreal regen project I was on before they transferred me who I think played hockey back in Russia or something

I can reach out to him see if he’s still around and willing to play

Chewie

Marly, my man haven’t heard from you in ages. How’s it in Boston?

Marly

Great dude loving it here, miss playing with you guys though

Bood

If your Russian friend is a decent guy then yeah ask him if he’s around to play. At this rate if it’s not him we might not have anyone.

Marly

Yeah look he’s a bit of an asshole but in a funny way

Hayden

Great, just what we need a funny asshole

Marly

I don’t remember him being racist or homophobic or anything I don’t think

He was good to work with, should be fine

Hazy

Very encouraging, Marly!

Marly

Nah don’t worry about it I’ll ask him he’s a decent guy

Chewie

He thinks 😀

Bood

If he’s down to play and he’s a forward and we don’t have to forfeit this week, that might just be as good as we can get. And if he’s a problem we just tell him to shut up and never come back.

The Loons (Tuesday)

Wednesday 12 May 2021 at 12:11 PM

Marly

I asked Rozanov and he says he’s cool to play

You want me to add him to this chat?

Says he plays forward, Centre usually

Bood

Even better. No, don’t put him in here, just give me his number and I’ll text him.

Marly

Sure thing Bood man

Shared Contact: Roz ↗️

Chewie

Yeah definitely don’t add him into the chat where we’ve been deliberating over whether he is a potential asshole, Marly

Marly

My bad my bad

Swear he seemed like a good dude

Just Russian

Hazy

Every time you try to reassure us it sounds worse.

Marly

I only worked with him a few months and I’ve just helped you not forfeit this week’s game, some thanks would be nice

Shane

Thanks Cliff, I feel better knowing we have someone to fill my spot.

Pointy

what if hes better than you hollzy and we don’t even need you back

Chewie

Better than Hollzy?

Hayden

Doubt it

Hazy

He’d have to be pretty good to manage that.

Shane

I’d like to see him try.

Pointy

💀

The Loons (Tuesday)

Wednesday 12 May 2021 at 12:39 PM

Bood

Okay, well I’ve contacted him and let him know the game time. Let’s hope he shows up.

Hayden

Is that in doubt?

Bood

Hmm, well all he responded to my message was a thumbs up.

Chewie

Wow, maybe we’ll have to forfeit anyway

The Loons (Tuesday)

Monday 17 May 2021 at 1:17 PM

Bood

Okay, attendance check. Confirm if you’re in for tomorrow’s game.

Chewie

Yes

Hayden

Yes

Hazy

Yes

Pointy

yes

Troy

Hope your fill in doesn’t let you down.

Shane

Good luck guys. Puck Me Slowly are weak in defence and with Kerr away for the next few weeks they’ll only be weaker. I think you’ve got a good chance to win even with low numbers.

Pointy

sorry never gets old seeing a serious message from hollzy that says puck me slowly in it

Hazy

🤣

Bood

Thanks everyone, we’re on at 7pm Rink 1 against Puck Me Slowly. See you there.

The Loons (Tuesday)

Tuesday 18 May 2021 at 7:28 PM

Troy

Did Cliff’s friend show up?

Tuesday 18 May 2021 at 9:05 PM

Pointy

hell yeah he fucking did

Bood

We destroyed them. He’s a machine.

Hazy

They did not get pucked slowly. It was fast and relentless puck. I think he might give Hollzy a run for his money, really.

Chewie

He really would. @Marly why didn’t you get this guy to play for us sooner?

Marly

Dope man glad he showed up

I didn’t even know he played hockey until the last week we worked together

He’s a man of few words

Hazy

Many of which seem to be sexual innuendos

Marly

Yeah

That guy gets so much play you would not believe it

Mostly we went out and he was my wingman

Very good at that also

Chewie

We know. He told us you were useless at clubs without him

Marly

Asshole, no I wasn’t

The Loons (Tuesday)

Monday 24 May 2021 at 12:41 PM

Bood

Right everyone, who’s in for this week’s game?

Shane

Yes.

Troy

Yes

Hazy

Yes

Hayden

I’m out this week, sorry guys

Pointy

yes

Chewie

Yes

Bood

Made the minimum number this week, always a relief.

Shane

Okay everyone. We’re on at 10:00pm on Rink 2 against The New York Admirals.

The Loons (Tuesday)

Monday 24 May 2021 at 5:20 PM

Bood

Right, so Ilya has just text me to ask if we need a player again this week. Do we want him to play?

Troy

Who is Ilya?

Bood

Rozanov. Marly’s sort-of friend who filled in last week.

I’m very tempted to say yes, given we only have the minimum number of players for tomorrow.

Pointy

yeah man get him in

Hazy

A player like that? Yeah I do want the puck in offence more often

Chewie

Sure tell him yes Boody

The Loons (Tuesday)

Monday 24 May 2021 at 5:52 PM

Bood

Well, he wasn’t impressed with the time but it sounds like he’s in.

Troy

What a charmer.

Chewie

He was alright in person, and fuck can he play

Pointy

ready to meet your match hollzy???

Shane

I watched the webcast of the last game. He’s good. Misses opportunities because he’s too cocky. But his play is good to watch.

Hayden

Did tape review of the webcast did you buddy

Chewie

Of course he did

Hazy

How many hours Hollzy?

Shane

I had a look on the night to see how you’d gone, obviously. But I’m reviewing again now that we’ll be playing with him. Hopefully we can reduce any weaknesses of him being a new fit for the team if I’m familiar with his play style before we get out there against The New York Admirals.

Pointy

fuck ass team name

Bood

You know how proud Scotty and Vaughny are of being from NY.

Troy

Bit weird to make that your name at a beer league in Mtl though isn’t it?

Hazy

Brave of you to say, Troy. I thought Scotty was your hero.

Chewie

Scotty and Kip are everyone’s heroes for getting that asshole ref fired, but his team name is still obnoxious

Troy

Except for Dallas. He’s not Dallas’ hero

Bood

Fuck Dallas Kent.

Hayden

Fuck Dallas Kent

Hazy

Fuck Dallas Kent

Bood

Right. See you boys tomorrow to have our asses handed to us by THE New York Admirals.

Chewie

Now man, maybe not. We have Marly’s Russian manwhore friend now, maybe the tide is turning

Shane

Okay everyone, just to confirm again: we’re on at 10:00pm on Rink 2 against The New York Admirals.

The Loons (Tuesday)

Tuesday 25 May 2021 at 9:41 PM

Shane

Sorry everyone, I was held up at work and I’m running late. I’m five minutes away so I should make it before play starts.

Bood

If you’re here in the next few minutes can you tell us if you find wherever Roz has disappeared to?

Tall guy, curly brownish hair. Wearing a black jacket I think.

Chewie

Built like a fucking tank

Shane

I found him. He’s smoking in the no fucking smoking area.

Bood

Great.

Pointy

wow worst possible person to find you breaking a rule

Shane

We’re on our way inside.

The Loons (Tuesday)

Wednesday 26 May 2021 at 12:16 AM

Bood

@Shane have you recovered?

Shane

That guy is an asshole.

Chewie

Nothing like a healthy bit of competition between teammates

Shane

There’s a whole other team we are supposed to be competing with. Not with each other.

Bood

Yeah is that why you scored a hat trick just because he said he’d beat you to it?

Pointy

🤭

Shane

He needed to be shown that he’s not God’s gift to Tuesday night hockey.

Pointy

the both of you are gods gift to us finally beating scotty from new york

Troy

That did feel good. Harris says he’s sorry he missed it

Bood

Tell him we can’t believe he missed our triumph to be touring around on road trips with an actual professional hockey team.

Chewie

Not like the Voyageurs win anything these days

Pointy

that’s because they don’t have our rizz

their socials are hilarious these days though

Troy

My boyfriend does brilliant work 😍

Hayden

Something happen with the new guy and Shane?

Shane

No. He’s just annoying.

Bood

Oh yes it did. Riled him up like I’ve never seen before.

Chewie

They were double-shifting going goal for goal. We kicked Admiral ass into next week

Pointy

wont soon forget scottys face when he called him the oldest man on skates

Hayden

What? Shane?

Pointy

nah man roz

Hayden

Right, that makes more sense

The Loons (Tuesday)

Wednesday 26 May 2021 at 8:56 AM

Bood

Morning, boys. I had a text from Roz last night. He would like to join the team as a regular. Thoughts?

Chewie

Good with me

Pointy

lets ask @Shane 😄

Shane

Fine.

Hayden

Really?

Hazy

Your new mortal enemy?

Chewie

Not everything’s a comic book Hazy my man

Hazy

Really, comic books are just reflections on the real-world so I wouldn’t say that’s strictly true. Everything could be a comic book, and a comic book could be anything

Shane

He’s a good player and we need good players.

Bood

We not enough for you Hollzy?

Hazy

Hollzy’s metrics for anything rely on hockey skill and we should be at peace with that by now

Shane

That’s not what I’m saying. We’re always low on regular players and we could do with a regular player that gets pucks in the net.

Pointy

well its fine with me i like winning

Hazy

I have no objection.

Hayden

Yeah okay I’m good if everyone else is good

Bood

One concern, though.

Chewie

Oh?

Bood

I genuinely don’t think he likes Shane very much and I guess that’s going to be mutual, which is fine. But, he did call Shane ‘pretty boy Captain’ in our very short text conversation.

Troy

You think he might be saying that because Shane’s gay?

Shane

He won’t be the first person to try to upset me by saying that.

Pointy

illegal to be gay in russia you know

Bood

Is it?

Troy

Yeah, Harris has it listed as a place we can’t go for holidays and stuff. I mean, even before the wars and everything

Pointy

right exactly i did a class on navigating legal differences in cross cultural communication for my international relations degree and it came up in that

its no joke they disappear you to siberia and shit

Chewie

You are always so full of surprises Pointy

Pointy

thanks bro

Hayden

Right so we don’t let him join?

Hazy

It wouldn’t be fair to assume that he’s intolerant just because Russia is

Shane

He was saying all sorts of things yesterday about my backhand and my fancy skating. He’s just a chirping asshole.

Chewie

He say anything to you @Troy?

Troy

Nothing not related to the game. He said I was the team’s strongest winger, except for when he was on wing.

Hayden

Jesus Christ. Thinks a lot of himself doesn’t he

Bood

Okay, Shane if you’re sure man then I say we may as well bring him in. Let’s keep an eye on him though, any signs that he’s got any biases he can’t let go of and we kick him out. I don’t care if we lose a regular. Things are much nicer at the arena these days, we’re not going back to the bad old days.

Chewie

Agreed

Pointy

yeah bro

Troy

Okay

Shane

Please don’t bring him into this group chat, though. We don’t need him reading the chat history. I’ll make a new one.

Hayden

Alright let’s do that, good thinking

Hazy

Sounds good to me!

Shane changed the group name to The Loons (OLD).

Untitled Group

Wednesday 26 May 2021 at 2:10 PM

You created a new group chat.

You named the group The Loons (Tuesday).

You added Zane Boodram, Hayden Pike, Wyatt Hayes, Troy Barrett, Antoine LaPointe, Nick Chouinard, Jean-Jacques Boiziau, Cliff Marlow and Chris Young to the group.

You set your name to Shane.

Shane

Hello everyone. Please put all communications about The Loons Tuesday night hockey in this chat from now on.

Zane Boodram set their name to Bood.

Troy Barrett set their name to Troy.

Bood

Thanks, Shane.

Jean-Jacques Boiziau

New chat?

Shane

Yes.

Antoine LaPointe set their name to Pointy.

Pointy

starting afresh big boiz

Jean-Jacques Boiziau set their name to J.J..

J.J.

Something changing up there in Montreal?

Nick Chouinard

Just welcoming a new member.

Nick Chouinard set their name to Chewie.

Chris Young set their name to Young.

Young

Purging the chat boys?

Wyatt Hayes set their name to Hazy.

Bood

It’s good to just have something fresh and new every now and then, Youngy.

Shane

@Bood can you add Rozanov.

Bood

I’m on it.

J.J.

Marly’s Russian friend?

Hazy

I think you mean our newest Loon, J.J.

Hayden Pike

For better or worse

Shane

Hayden, delete that. This is exactly why we made a new chat.

Hayden Pike has deleted a message.

Shane has deleted a message.

Bood

Should I wait for you to get this out of your systems or should I go ahead now?

Hayden Pike set their name to Hayden.

Shane

Go ahead, Zane.

Bood added +15141508181 to the group.

Bood

Welcome to the group chat Rozanov.

+15141508181

This is surprise.

Bood

You asked to be added dude?

+15141508181

You did not respond.

Bood

Yeah fuck sorry. Welcome anyway, hope you’re still in.

+15141508181 set their name to Rozanov.

Rozanov

Team name is The Loons?

Chewie

You’ve played for us twice now, you didn’t know the team name?

Rozanov

Wasn’t told team name. Just arena address and what rink to be at.

What is a Loon?

Shane

It’s a bird, sort of like a duck. They’re really common here in summer.

Rozanov

Ah, Shane Hollander.

Hazy

Shane can do a pretty impressive loon impression you know? It’s the reason we have have the team name. Hollzy you’ll have to show him at next week’s game

Rozanov

Da, Shane Hollander. Show me next game.

Pointy

da is russian for yes

Chewie

Thanks Pointy, though context was getting me through just fine this time

Hazy

You also learn that in your international communications class?

Pointy

nah just googled it

Shane

@Rozanov welcome to The Loons. As you know we play every Tuesday at the Montreal Amateur Ice Arena (MAIA). The time slots for games range from 7:00pm to 11:00pm. Every week @Bood takes attendance the day before the game, but if you know you’re going to have to miss a game ahead of time it’s best just to let everyone know as soon as possible. After we confirm attendance I post the game details here including the game time, rink number and opposing team name. You can also check those things for yourself on the MAIA website.

Shared Link: MAIA Tuesday Beer League Timetables ↗️

Rozanov

So professional, Shane Hollander. Very thorough.

Bood

Yeah so one other thing is that generally as teammates we try to get along with each other and actually like each other. Just to be clear.

Rozanov

I am doing this.

Hayden

Are you?

Rozanov

Yes. Maybe not with you.

Hayden

Wtf dude

Pointy

ha man you're funny roz im glad youre here and we're gonna win

Rozanov

Yes we will.

Hazy

Not sure we’ll be winning next game, we’re up against Lemmy’s Nomads.

Chewie

And on that thought just how the fuck did Lemmy’s team get so good

Hayden

Lemmys a good player

Shane

Lemaire is decent but they win games because of their depth.

Bood

He told me last month they have a regular roster 14 guys deep.

Chewie

Imagine knowing 14 guys good at hockey and regularly available on a Tuesday night fucking hell

Pointy

if we had 14 guys we’d smash lemmy and sully

Hazy

Nobody’s smashing Sullivan he’s a brick wall of a guy. Maybe toppling him would work.

Pointy

we’d both smash and topple all of them

Rozanov

You have me now. We will smash and topple them.

Hayden

You cannot be serious dude

The Loons (Tuesday)

Monday 31 May 2021 at 12:18 PM

Bood

It’s that time again. Everyone in for tomorrow please say so.

Shane

Yes.

Hayden

Yes

Chewie

Sorry guys not me this week, the kids have been sick all weekend and I think I’m coming down with it

Bood

That sucks man. Get better soon.

Shane

Forwards will have to take shifts in defence, then.

Bood

Sure, if we’ve got enough that it’s not a forfeit anyway.

Pointy

yes

Hazy

Yes

Young

I’m in MTL this week if you want

Pointy

yes youngboi!

Bood

Yeah that’d be great Chris my man. Any chance you’d be alright mostly in D?

Young

Sure why not

Bood

Hero. Thanks dude.

Rozanov

Yes.

Shane

Even if Chris takes more defence shifts, we will still need to rotate some forwards through. That going to be a problem for you @Rozanov?

Rozanov

No. I am good at every position.

Young

Wow

Hazy

No need to worry next time I’m not available then boys, Roz will goaltend.

Rozanov

Okay.

Chewie

Wow indeed

Troy

Yes for me.

The Loons (OLD)

Monday 31 May 2021 at 1:01 PM

Troy

Harris will be coming tomorrow

Shane

This is the old chat, Troy.

Troy

I know...

Bood

Oh, you want us to keep an eye on our new teammate?

Troy

Just in case, you know. You mentioned maybe there was a risk so

Bood

Sure man, don’t worry about it. If anything happens we all have your back anyway. This guy says anything to Harris and we’ll have him back out in the no smoking area fast as you want.

Shane

Nobody should be in the No Smoking area. It’s a No Standing area also.

We also shouldn’t be talking about a team member behind their back in a separate chat.

Hazy

It won’t become a thing, Hollzy. I don’t want to assume anything about the guy either, but we still don’t know him very well and we’ve got a good team here. We’ll just make sure he’s going to be a good fit

Bood

No, it won’t become a thing. But I’m with Hazy, we assume nothing but just make sure we keep the team environment a safe place. Let’s take it back to the main chat now.

The Loons (Tuesday)

Monday 31 May 2021 at 1:07 PM

Bood

Great everyone. That’s 7 skaters plus Wyatt, it’ll be our best turn out for ages.

Shane

Thanks Zane. Everyone, we’re on at 9:00pm tomorrow on Rink 2 against Lemmy’s Nomads.

Pointy

we’re coming for that ass lemaire

Troy

Why do you have to say it like that, Pointy?

Pointy

sorry troy 🫡

still, we’re coming for his ass

The Loons (Tuesday)

Tuesday 1 June 2021 at 6:45 PM

Pointy

hold your noses when you get here dudes locker rooms smell ripe this evening

Bood

Did you get the game time wrong?

Pointy

nah man youngy and i are filling in for devils on ice we’re gonna do a double

Hazy

Is loyalty dead, Pointy?

Shane

So you’ll be tired for our game?

Young

No, no, no we’ll skate slow for The Bro

Pointy

the broph

Young

Mike The Broph Brophy

Hayden

You know Shane will be pissed about this

Shane

I’m not pissed.

Bood

See? He’s pissed.

Shane

Fuck off. I’m not pissed. I just personally wouldn’t offer to fill in for anyone else before my own team’s game.

Hayden

There you have it boys

Pointy

we have seven skaters tonight! we are invincible

Hazy

Ha. Look forward to reminding you of that later when you’re hands on knees struggling for breath.

Tuesday 1 June 2021 at 7:32 PM

Rozanov

Very strict regime you run, Captain Shane Hollander.

Shane

I do not run a regime.

It’s just regular casual beer league hockey.

Rozanov

Now you are being strict with me.

Shane

Fuck off, I am not.

Hazy

Alright, you two are really going to need to learn to get along.

Bood

The two of you might’ve done better on opposing teams.

Rozanov

I would win.

Shane

You’ve got to be joking? In your dreams.

Rozanov

I would destroy you, Shane Hollander. You and your weak backhand.

Shane

I don’t have a weak fucking backhand.

Rozanov

You would watch me lift beer league trophy. You would be jealous.

Shane

You won’t be lifting any trophy, Rozanov.

Rozanov

Oh?

Hazy

Bit of a self-own, Hollzy, since in this actual situation you are on the same team.

Rozanov

Yes. Please be good to teammates, Captain.

Hayden

What is going on here and is anyone actually on their way to the game

Bood

Well, I am.

The Loons (Tuesday)

Tuesday 1 June 2021 at 11:04 PM

Hazy

What did I tell you @Pointy @Young

Pointy

point taken old man

Young

Hey, I have to live my best life when I’m over here in La Metropole before I go back to lame ass Ottawa

Shane

Ottawa is the political and administrative heart of this country.

Pointy

oop

Young

Yet you moved to Montreal 🫵

Shane

For school and work. There’s nothing wrong with Ottawa.

Young

Says the guy who doesn’t live there to the guy who does 🥲

Bood

Hey Chris, you still got the details for paying your match fee?

Young

Yeah I’ve got it Boody

Bood

👍

Shane

It was a good game, everyone. Might’ve been better if all our team were fresh on their feet, but we put up some good numbers. Next time around I think we could give the Nomads a real challenge.

Troy

You didn’t count a 5-4 scoreline as a real challenge?

Shane

I mean we could win. Next time.

Hazy

Right, it’s only a real, good, proper challenge for Hollzy if he wins in the end.

Shane

I hope you all like winning, it’s what we should be aiming for.

Bood

Yes, nothing would fulfil me more than a MAIA ball cap and a handshake from Wiebs.

Pointy

love wiebs actually, good dude

Hazy

It would be nice to win this thing once, I don’t mind the MAIA caps the champs get. I think I’d even wear it out in the summer.

Chewie

That’s the spirit Hazy

Sorry I couldn’t make it tonight boys, sounds like you did well

Shane

Mostly, yes.

Troy

Harris said he was very impressed with the power play now

Bood

It definitely is better.

The Loons (OLD)

Tuesday 1 June 2021 at 11:37 PM

Bood

Harris say anything else, Troy?

Hazy

I don’t know about Harris but I think I noticed what you’ve noticed Bood.

Bood

I didn’t say I noticed anything.

Hazy

Come on, he was acting weird after the second intermission.

Troy

It was fine when we got there. I introduced Harris to him and Harris said they chatted a bit. He asked Harris what he did for work and seemed interested to hear about the social media work he does for the Voyageurs.

I saw him looking at Harris a little in the second period, when Harris put his pride toque on. Then, well, after the second intermission he was looking between the two of us like we were contagious.

Shane

What happened at the second intermission? I didn’t see anything.

Hayden

Probably when we went off in search of tape

Pointy

yeh piker you hollzy and bood were off but troy thanked harris for refilling his water bottle with a lil smooch

Hazy

Very cute

Not sure Rozanov thought so, though. He stared at them like they’d come down on a spaceship. Which obviously would’ve been cool if they did, but they hadn’t.

Bood

Admittedly I did notice the weird glancing in the third period. I just didn’t want to lead the witnesses or anything.

Pointy

this isn’t court dude

Bood

I just wanted to know if he actually said anything to you or Harris, @Troy

Troy

No. Not after the second intermission. Just the weird looks

Bood

Okay. What do we want to do?

Troy

I don’t think we can kick him off the team for a few odd looks.

Bood

Fuck that, we can do whatever we want.

Hazy

Let’s see how it goes from here. I guess if he’s never seen a gay couple before it might’ve just been a little odd. If he’s a decent guy it won’t be an issue next time.

Only if that’s okay with you Troy and Shane?

Troy

It’s fine with me. Harris too.

Shane

I don’t think you need my input. I won’t be kissing anyone during intermission so he probably won’t even know about me.

Bood

What, no plans for a boyfriend?

Shane

No. You know I’m bad at dating.

Hayden

You’ll find your guy, man

Hazy

Yeah you will Hollzy!

Bood

We all believe in you. Though you should maybe try to date if you want to find someone.

Shane

Now we’re off topic.

Bood

Okay, okay. We do nothing for now, but stay wise. Be alert but not alarmed, everyone.

Pointy

aye aye alternate captain 🫡

The Loons (Tuesday)

Monday 7 June 2021 at 12:03 PM

Bood

Everyone who is in for the game tomorrow please say so.

Troy

Yes

Hayden

Not me, I’m on sole parent duty this week

Hazy

Yes

Shane

Yes.

Monday 7 June 2021 at 2:48 PM

Bood

Well, this is not looking good.

Pointy

hey dudes i'm in

Chewie

Let me see what I can do. I was going to be out this week but I don’t want you to have to forfeit

Hayden

Shane don’t even bother trying to say Gil Comeau was casting around for a team this week in the MAIA group

Bood

Yeah, really don’t. You are way too forgiving dude.

Rozanov

Who is Gil Comeau?

Bood

A racist and probable homophobic asshole who picks up games as a fill-in.

Rozanov

He is racist and homophobic to Hollander?

Bood

No just racist to Hollzy.

Rozanov

Describe to me.

Bood

Describe how he was racist to Shane? No way dude. You’ll just have to take our word for it.

Rozanov

No. Describe Gil Comeau to me. He looks like what?

Hazy

You would’ve seen him around the arena. He’s middling sort of height, solidly built guy. Short, sandy sort of hair. Big Montreal Voyageurs fan, he’s usually wearing their jersey around.

Rozanov

I have seen him.

Monday 7 June 2021 at 3:27 PM

Bood

Right, okay. @Rozanov are you playing tomorrow or are you out?

Rozanov

I am playing.

Shane

I wasn’t going to say anything about Comeau. We all agreed to forfeit rather than play with him.

On that note, if Nick can’t play do we want to try looking around for someone else so we’re not operating with minimum players again?

Bood

I guess Chris is back in Ottawa @Pointy?

Pointy

yep back in o-town

Bood

Did J.J. say he would be around sometime soon?

Hayden

Two weeks from now

Bood

Ah fuck.

Hazy

We could make like Mike Brophy and poach some players from other teams at other time slots to pull a double for us?

Shane

We could if we wanted to be assholes like Brophy.

Pointy

have mercy hollzy when will you forgive me

Shane

There’s nothing to forgive.

Hayden

He says with gritted teeth

Bood

If we’re desperate we can do that, though we’re in the busiest time slot this week so it might not work out.

Chewie

Sorry for the wait guys I really can’t make it

Shane

That’s fine, Nick.

Bood

It’s not like we don’t run at minimum most weeks, we’ll be fine just be prepared for a tough game everyone.

Shane

We’re on at 7:00pm on Rink 3 against The Mad Zambonis.

Bood

See you there, boys!

The Loons (OLD)

Tuesday 8 June 2021 at 9:12 PM

Troy

Uh…?

Hazy

Yeah.

Bood

What first?

Hazy

Troy, go first.

Troy

He separately asked me and Harris both how we ‘get treated’ here. I thought he meant in Canada but Harris said he got the impression he meant at the rink specifically

Then in the third he asked me if this team had other people with boyfriends

Hazy

And then he spoke to Gilbert Comeau for, what, ten minutes after the game?

Pointy

seven minutes, i timed it in case you needed a figure

Chewie

Nice assist, Pointy

Bood

I’ve never seen this guy speak so much except to chirp Shane and now to have an extended conversation with Comeau after we said, hey, that guy is a bigot.

Shane

Did anyone hear what he was talking to Comeau about?

Troy

Nope.

Hazy

No, I tried to skirt by but they seemed to be watching their volume

Bood

Do we need to get rid of this guy?

Pointy

i think he’s funny and alright but if he’s a phobe he has to go

Troy

Harris said he thinks he hasn’t truly asked or said anything offensive yet

Bood

No just tried to ascertain how many gays he would be forced to play with on his team.

Hazy

It’s the cosying up to Comeau that worries me

Troy

Harris says maybe we shouldn’t be hasty. Unless he says or does something clearly ill-intentioned

Bood

We’re hearing a lot about what Harris thinks. What does Troy think or is this a couples stance?

Troy

Is there a problem with it being a couples stance?

Bood

No dude, my couple’s stance is whatever Cassie wants, too.

Troy

On subjects like these, I am best deferring to Harris’s wisdom

Hazy

Fair’s fair Harris knows his stuff. Hollzy?

Shane

He hasn’t said anything to me.

Pointy

except for all the talking he does to you during games?

Shane

Yeah but that’s chirping and stuff. He hasn’t said anything serious.

Hayden

I heard him ask you last game if you like being a fancy model?

Shane

It’s because I’m on that poster in the lobby.

Bood

Uh, and??

Shane

It’s chirping, I guess. He’s a bit of an asshole.

Chewie

Normally the chirping is for the opposition

Pointy

i always forget about that poster hahahahaaa you’re basically the king of maia

Shane

I am not.

Bood

I’m starting to feel really suspicious about this guy. Something is up with him.

Pointy

i love a good mystery we will solve this

Hazy

Should someone try to see if Comeau will admit to what they spoke about?

Bood

If you want to try talking to that guy then all power to you, Hazy.

Shane

I don’t think he’d talk to me.

Hayden

No, me neither all things considered

Chewie

I won’t be volunteering. You’re on your own Hazy

Hazy

I’ll keep it in mind as a back up strategy.

The Loons (Tuesday)

Tuesday 8 June 2021 at 9:45 PM

Rozanov

Is very quiet in here tonight. Did you all die? Three full periods too much for you?

Shane

Nobody died.

Great work everyone, I know we all pushed really hard without any rest. A close win but a good one.

Bood

Yeah, well done everyone. If we can string a few more of these games together we have a shot of making it through the playoffs.

Rozanov

You have not done this before?

Shane

We came close last season.

Rozanov

Then we will do better this season.

Pointy

fuck yeah who do we have next hopefully not THE new york admirals

Shane

You know you can just go check the schedule yourself, Antoine. But it’s not The New York Admirals, it’s Super Stick Handlers.

Rozanov

Ah I should have joined their team instead. I am the best at stick handling.

Shane

You don’t even have the best stick handling on this team.

Rozanov

Oh, yes? Who is better? Are you better stick handler, Hollander?

Shane

Obviously, yes.

Rozanov

I would like to see it.

Shane

Then watch me next week, asshole.

Rozanov

I will.

Chewie

Do we all remember what has been said about how teammates are supposed to get along? Or do we keep forgetting that?

Rozanov

I keep telling you I am doing this.

Notes:

Since this fic is from Shane's POV I didn't add Bood's texts to Ilya into the fic. But I've posted them here for anyone who wants to see them!