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Barret was already settled into bed for the night when the tap at his window came. It must’ve been a few minutes past 10, definitely later than he was supposed to be awake. He slipped out from under his covers and crept to the windowsill, careful not to hit any of the creaky boards on his floor. He knew if he did, he’d get a fine scolding from Mom.
The young boy inched up to peer through the glass. On the other side, a familiar pair of wide, hazel eyes met his gaze. Barret carefully unlatched the window and pushed it open.
“Dyne? What is it?”
“I wanna go to the hideout, c’mon,” the smoky -haired boy said.
”But I’m already goin’ to bed.”
“You don’t look that tired to me,” Dyne remarked, quirking his eyebrow. “Besides, I just wanna go for a little bit. It’s a nice night out.”
Barret turned back to face his bedroom door. “But if my parents find out-“
“They won’t,” Dyne assured. “And if they do, I’ll cover for you. I promise.”
Barret had no idea what he could possibly say to get him out of trouble, but the urgency in Dyne’s voice implored him to go anyway.
“Alright. Give me a minute.”
With a flashlight, shoes, and new pair of trousers, Barret set off into the night with his best friend. It was a route they knew well enough that he probably didn’t even need the flashlight, but it was good to be prepared. They decided to slink through the back of town to avoid any stray adults who might snitch on them, leading the two boys through a narrow ditch. As they snuck along, a light came on at a house only a few yards away from them, making them freeze. Thankfully, it went out after only a few moments, and the boys rushed forward to the edge of the forest.
Out of sight of most of town, the two silently strolled in the direction of the hideout. The “hideout” is what they called it, but it was pretty much just an unfinished treehouse. They weren’t sure who built it, but either way, nobody went there besides them, so the two boys unofficially claimed it as theirs, down to a “B” and “D” carved into one of the floorboards. It was a special place.
As the wooden structure came into view, Dyne bounded through the brush to the ladder, scaring some fireflies out of the way in the process.
“Hurry up, Barret!”
Barret cautiously stepped over the branches, taking care not to mess up his clothes even more than they already were from the trek over. When he made it to the ladder, he grabbed the uneven, wooden rungs and ascended to where his friend already waited for him.
Dyne sat at the ledge of the hideout, a spot which overlooked the nearby trees and gave them a clear view of the rooftops in town. His legs dangled over the edge, which was possible due to the lack of a wall that was probably going to be added, but never was. As Barret sat down next to him, he tilted his head towards the night sky. A chill breeze blew through his short, curly hair while he tried to pick out planets from stars. Dyne was right: it was a very nice night.
After a while, their silence was broken by a long sigh from Dyne. He was resting his head on his hand, brow furrowed, as if he was trying to figure out the mysteries of the universe.
“Barret, can I ask you somethin’?”
Barret blinked. It was unusual for Dyne to ask such a question, since he’d always speak his mind whenever he pleased.
“Sure.”
Dyne fidgeted with his hands, still staring out into the expanse of the forest.
“What do you think about… boys who like boys? Y’know, like… Like how boys and girls are supposed to like each other.”
Barret stared at him. This wasn’t really a topic he had ever thought about before. Was that a thing? Before he could wonder further, Dyne piped up again.
“My mom was… um… talking about it earlier today. She was tellin’ me it was a bad thing. But that’s what I don’t get.”
Dyne stood up, his feet almost hanging off the wooden ledge. He dug into his pocket and pulled out a smooth stone, then tossed it over in his hand a few times.
“It’s just love, right? Two people loving and caring about each other. If that’s the case…”
With a calculated wind-up, Dyne pulled the stone back and launched it as far as he could into the trees. As the rock flew out of sight, lost among the twisting branches, he exhaled and sank back down to the floor.
“Then what’s so bad about it? Who cares if it’s a boy and a boy? I just don’t get it…”
Barret turned the idea over in his mind. He’d only ever seen boyfriends with girlfriends, and husbands with wives. The idea of two boys going on dates, holding hands, kissing… it made him uncomfortable in a way that was hard to describe. But why? Wasn’t it just love, like Dyne said? Love wasn’t a bad thing. Even so, he couldn’t shake the feeling that that was something boys were not supposed to do.
“I guess that makes sense,” Barret said. “I just don’t get why a boy would like another boy.”
Silence fell again, but this time, it didn’t feel so… comfortable. Out of the corner of his eye, Barret saw his friend, still looking deep in thought, draw his legs up to his chest.
Dyne turned his head away. “Yeah, you’re right.”
Dumbass.
Dumbass.
YOU DUMBASS.
Barret ran his hand—his only hand—over his face and up through his hair. He could feel his heart stuck at the bottom of his stomach and his chest heaving. An invisible weight pressed down on him, sinking him further into his bed.
For the longest time, he had left his old memories buried in the pits of his mind. It was easier to forget the happy parts than to remember what you lost—to have to carry that grief with you. Even now, months after the planet was saved, he was still trying to jog his memory. Trying to regain what he lost. To remember, even if it was painful.
When that old memory first resurfaced again, brought forth by the view of the stunning night sky across the treeline, Barret felt that familiar twinge of loss and longing. But this… this was something different. When he recalled Dyne’s words from that night, he couldn’t help but feel like they’d taken on a new meaning.
When it finally clicked, the realization hit Barret like a train.
No. No. Please don’t tell me. It can’t be true.
A million details that he’d never even registered flooded his mind, overwhelming him with new information.
The way Dyne looked away that night, never making eye contact with him until he went home.
The way that Dyne would never grab Barret’s hand to drag him off on a new adventure from that night forward, ever again.
The way they’d never again share a blanket, huddled up on a couch during the cold winter months, just like they did when they were little.
The way that, years later, after both boys had stopped often visiting, Barret noticed that the initial “B” in the hideout was adorned with a heart carved around it.
He was in love with me.
The pit in Barret’s stomach felt large enough to swallow him whole. How hadn’t he noticed? How long did he know? How long did it last?
None of those questions mattered now. It was too late. Dyne was gone. There would be no discussion, no moment of insight or understanding—everything had already withered away. His best friend, that same little boy, was at rest in the sands of the desert.
Barret reached over to his nightstand and pulled open the drawer. He felt around for a few seconds until his fingers touched the familiar, smooth charm. He carefully took the pendant into his hand, studying the way the light of the moon highlighted the edge of the metal.
Was he scared that night? Did he reason for hours about what to say? Was he going to tell Barret that he loved him?
Warm tears began to stream down Barret’s face. He gingerly closed his hand, bringing the enclosed pendant to his chest. In his mind, he was so used to seeing the angry, scarred face of his friend, tortured from the pain and grief of everything that transpired in Corel. Always haunted by the man who had suffered too long and had nothing left to fight for. But now, that vision was replaced by a child. The boy turned to him, and his hazel eyes lit up when he met Barret’s gaze. Had he always looked at him with such pure wonder?
With a strangled breath, Barret gripped the pendant even harder. A wave of grief and guilt tore through his entire body, but deep inside, he knew he had to feel it. For his sake.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know then. But I know now.”
Barret exhaled slowly, settling his heart. As some of the pain subsided, the boy in his mind stared at the ground, averting his gaze just the same as he did that night.
“You were right. There’s nothin’ wrong with two people loving and caring about each other. I wish I’d told you that. That I’d had your back. That you didn’t have to hide from me. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
In an instant, the boy was gone, leaving Barret alone with his thoughts. He loosened his grip on the pendant, running his thumb over the sun-patterned engraving on the front. Someday, when his time came, Barret would return to the planet too, and when he did, he would make sure Dyne knew.
When the next dawn came, the tree overhanging Marlene’s favorite play spot would bear two new initials.