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“Dammit.” Lewis grimaced and lowered the binoculars. “No. He's gone.” He squinted at the valley hills. Their boy had split.
“You think he saw us?”
He hesitated. “Maybe. Say, Tom?”
“Yes, sir?”
“Head back to the station with the sheriff. Find the next possible stops.”
Tom gave a nod. “Yes, sir.” He turned to leave then stopped. "Will you be returning to D.C.?"
Lewis still hesitated and looked around. There had to be something they missed. “No. I'll stick around here. Maybe circle back. I'll join you at the sheriff's station in a bit."
Tom looked unsure but left.
Lewis slowly meandered to his car and stood there with the door open as everyone dispersed. He kept thinking.
Their boy was smart - a lot smarter than they had given him credit for. The agents had been disguised as a gas station worker, a woman driver, and a hitchhiker. He didn't know where it went wrong. Their boy must've known the place… must've gone there once in a while.
He muttered to himself. They weren't as thorough as they usually were. He sighed and tapped the roof as the last agents loaded up.
He waved as they drove by. He watched the car disappear down the lane. He closed his car door and walked back to the dirt road.
Just what if their man was there and laughing at them.
He tsked and looked through the binoculars again. Maybe he missed something. Maybe he didn't see him. Maybe he saw something and his mind played tricks.
He saw a car. He jerked. He almost ran back to the car to whizz up the hill and through the thicket before their man got away. But something stopped him. He looked again.
It was a light blue Chevrolet. He caught the plate.
It was familiar. Etched in the back of his mind. He’d been subconsciously looking for it ever since its owner left the bureau without warning.
He packed away the binoculars with a different purpose and jogged up the hill. His heart hammered in his chest, hoping that the owner wouldn’t drive away before he got there-
He came into a clearing up top and found him sitting on the hood with a cigarette between his fingers. “Jim.”
“I was hoping you wouldn’t find me. With the other agents,” he clarified, going off of Lewis’s stunned look. “Didn’t want to sit through an interrogation, y’know.”
Lewis nodded a little. “Yeah…” He put his hands in his pockets because he had no idea what to do with them. He stared, still unable to believe he was really there. God, Jim looked worn out. Almost aged. And it hadn’t been even a year yet.
“I, uh…” Jim squinted a little. “I think I made your boy split.”
“What? Oh, that…” He gave a light chuckle and a shrug. “It’s alright. We’ll get him.”
Jim nodded, barely cracked a smile, and took a very long drag of his cigarette. His exhale was slow and controlled as he watched the landscape ahead. He should have left the minute he’d seen the agents pull up to the gas station. Better yet, he shouldn’t have stopped for a smoke break. He should have kept going to the next town. At least there would be more places to hide.
He guarded himself. He knew Lewis had questions. He’d left suddenly, without a forwarding address or a goodbye.
Silence stood between them and they were miles apart.
God, Lewis wanted to know everything that had led up to Jim’s sudden departure. He needed to know what he could have done to help him.
If it had been the stress of the job, he would have helped lighten the load. If it had been a need for a change of scenery, he would have gone to all the field offices in the country to recommend Jim for the job. If it had been a need for a change of career, he would have supported him. He would have helped him look. He would have helped him find a place near a good-paying job. He would have been there.
It’d been six months, and he thought about Jim every day.
He sighed and rubbed at the tension in his forehead. He carefully leaned on the hood, just within arm’s reach. He spoke very timidly, “Jim?”
His heart skipped at the inspector’s softness. “Yeah?”
“Why’d you leave?”
Jim didn’t want to answer. The truth was too much. Instead... “It’s been hard. Sometimes harder than I thought.”
Lewis studied him. His features were hard and guarded, and Lewis knew he’d just get the same deflection if he kept prodding. Even if the question was why hadn’t he returned to D.C. if things were so hard.
He sighed softly and looked out across the landscape. He watched the steady stream of smoke plumes in the corner of his eye, and he felt the walls barricade around Jim.
So, he told his old partner the details of the case as if nothing had changed. “We thought he’d be here. Had agents posed at the gas station at the ready. Then the truck passed through but he didn’t. The driver was stopped down the road, but there was no sign of him. We’re putting- Tom’s putting agents at the next possible stop.”
“Tom?”
He winced. “My new partner.”
“Ah.” Jim took a careful inhale of his cigarette. “He fresh out of the academy?”
“No. He’s been at the Cheyenne field office.” He chanced a glance at him. “He’s a good agent, Jim.”
He gave a short, soft laugh. “I don’t doubt it, Lew. You always pick the good ones.”
Lewis warmed. It sounded like their old banter. His nickname on Jim’s tongue, and the light in his eyes as he reminisced. He wanted it again. He wanted it so bad. But he fought down the urge to beg for answers. Jim could leave, and he could very well never see him again.
“You know, you’re not supposed to discuss your work with civilians,” Jim said fondly.
Lewis smiled some. “There’s no one out here. Besides, I trust you.”
“Still?” He didn’t mean for it to sound so disbelieving. “After I’ve been gone for a while?”
He smiled and reached out, resting his hand on Jim’s shoulder. He felt the soft locks that had grown in length brush along the top of his hand. “I’ll always trust you.”
There was a softness in Jim’s eyes. Lewis remembered seeing that same look during those last few weeks before Jim suddenly left.
He couldn’t help his own affection in his gaze and voice. “I’ve been worried.” He searched Jim’s face, those dark circles beneath his shadowed blue eyes. His thumb gave the barest caress to Jim’s cheekbone. Then he lowered his hand before he did something he’d regret or worse, spook his former partner. “You didn’t leave a phone number. No address. Nothing.” He grimaced. “I… It’s taken everything in me to not do a federal check on you.”
Jim gave a soft, freer laugh and gently elbowed him. “Thanks for not invading my privacy.”
Lewis let himself take comfort in Jim’s relaxed smile and that bit of contact. “I’d do it in a heartbeat, you know.” He looked over. “Check up on you.”
Jim smiled some. “I know.” He gazed out at the horizon. The stars were starting to bloom in the sky and the night animals were chirping and hooting. It was getting late. He hadn’t planned on staying out that late. He needed to get on the road to the next city. Somewhere far away from all of this…
He sighed before snuffing his cigarette out on the hood and dropping it into the dirt. “I better get back.”
Lewis stood quickly as if to stop him. “Why don’t we go for dinner. I’ll buy.”
He paused, seemingly taking a moment to consider, but shook his head. “No.”
“I insist.”
Jim stood there almost with bated breath. Almost like a deer - if he didn’t move, Lewis wouldn’t see him. God, he didn’t want to. He survived his feelings alone better than he ever had at work. And to be in close proximity to Lewis again without the permission to touch-
“Please, Jim.” Lewis tentatively reached out and squeezed his shoulder. “For old time’s sake.”
His breath hitched and he felt himself nod. “Yeah… Yeah, alright.”
They sat at booth in a diner. They’d just given the menus back to the waitress, and Jim was a little restless.
“How have things been?”
He shrugged. “I've been wandering, really. Taken odd jobs in cities. No… no commitments.”
“The pay good?”
Jim shrugged again. “It’s fair. I’ve been able to keep up the motel charges.” He hadn't been able to stay anywhere for more than three weeks. Just something about settling down unnerved him.
But Lewis didn’t like that. Jim needed to be grounded. He needed a place to call home. “Make any friends?”
“Not really. Not… personal, you know? Just enough to get by for a while before I move onto the next city.”
Lewis chewed his lip. “Mm.” He studied him again. He’d been doing that quite often during this dinner.
There was something wounded beneath the cover he gave. Jim could fool a suspect but he couldn't fool an inspector. Lewis noticed how his eyes kept shifting from the table, to the door, to the napkin and fork in front of Lewis. He looked at the other guests and the waiters but didn’t look at Lewis unless he had to or unless he was reassuring him. Even when he did, Lewis was inclined not to believe him.
When the food came, Jim ate for a bit, enjoying this nice meal before he went back to gas station coffee and sandwiches. Lewis still watched him. He found himself wanting to reach across the space and take his hand. Assure him things were okay. But he made sure not to talk much so Jim could keep his appetite and eat.
Then the end of the meal came, and Lewis stood at the side of his car. He didn’t want to let the night go just yet. “Interest you in a nightcap at the bar down the street?”
Jim smiled some. “Sure.”
Once there, Lewis held open the door for Jim who paused in the threshold and teased, “You’re still buying, right?”
“Shut up,” he grinned.
They talked about aimless things at first. The weather and the labor unions. Then they talked about the bureau and Art and their old restaurant. One drink, two drinks, three...
Lewis watched and smiled at the red flush to his cheeks. Jim was very pretty. He didn’t think Jim knew how pretty he was. He looked at his watch - it was getting late. He wondered if it would be inappropriate to invite himself to Jim’s motel room.
And Jim felt more and more like he could invite Lewis back to his room. The reality of being turned down getting smaller and smaller with each fantasy.
“Come back to my motel room?” Jim chanced, liquid courage amply flowing in his veins.
Lewis smiled softly, eyes gentle. “Sure.”
But Jim threw back the last of his third drink. If only he’d had the nerve. And he didn’t have the nerve.
His dream was the same again. Same build, same scene, same length above him.
He was face down, pressed against the pillow, with Lewis’s hand against his lower abdomen. Their panting in sync then off beat as they moved together. Their grunts and moans matching. The tangy smell of sweat and taste of salt. Thrusting, rutting, climax, sweetness. Jim’s name called out, hummed and coated in slick and a raspy voice. Always a dream he’d long had.
But he’d hold onto this more than the others. He’d hold onto it the rest of his life.
“Lew…” he whispered, full of love and lust and desire… before he fell asleep, spent and content. He’d deal with the cold emptiness in his heart in the morning. He always did.
Jim's eyes opened. He was sticky and alone and aching to hold onto that dream. He slowly sat up and sighed heavily and so sadly. He felt tears prickle in his eyes. He pressed the palms of his hands into his eyes and did his best to push the achiness away. It was a damn good dream. He heaved a sigh and sniffled. He stood and grabbed his robe on the chair and slipped on his shoes. A walk around the block. That always calmed his broken heart.
He was at the door when he heard something.
“Jim?”
He paused. He was sure he was hearing things.
“Where're you going? Come back to bed.”
He turned. He saw Lewis in bed, hair mussed and eyes drowsy and arm resting across Jim's spot, hand open toward him. He stared. It… hadn’t been a dream.
He still stood there, dumbfounded.
“Come to bed.”
It really was real. He breathed out a smile and chucked his robe and briefs off again and got back into bed.
Lewis chuckled and pulled him close. A good and comforting shiver ran up his back and spread across his head when Lewis touched him. They kissed when Jim was cozy under the covers again. Lewis put his hand to his back and Jim's ear found his heart. Their legs intertwined and their fronts touched so intimately.
Jim's head was safely in the crook of his neck. “Jim?”
“Yeah?”
“I'd like you to come back to D.C. with me.”
Jim smiled and swallowed back the aching of love and happiness in his throat. “Oh, Lew…”
“Come back home with me,” Lewis breathed.
“I will.”