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Kris was walking down the dark hallway of their school as they felt the control of the soul subvert, confirming that they were truly on their own now. Nothing else would be listening in. Until the next morning, that is.
Now that Susie retreated back to castletown, looking forward to said tomorrow, Kris felt hollow. Just like the cage they're supposed to be. Nothing but a vessel to hold something far greater than they are. Needs overlooked and feelings disregarded.
She wasn't looking forward to seeing them. No, she never even truly got to know them while simultaneously, she learned to be her truest self right in front of them.
The scene of Susie smiling reassuringly as she closed the door on them still haunted them. It's like they were losing the one person who made them forget about the looming future just by spending time together.
No matter how hard they tried to think of anything else, the fact that Susie will only continue to drift further away from now on was ever present.
Kris knew that whatever they wished they had going on with her was never going to work out. They went into this knowing that the two of them wouldn't be fighting on the same sides. That none of this would last. That Susie's hope-emitting eyes would only rest on them for so long until they find someone better.
Still, no knowledge in the world could have prepared them for this eroding pain.
The heavy weight Kris carried on their shoulders made it more difficult than usual for them to open the large doors out of the school. An eerie creak broke the silence, followed by a despondent thud as the door fell closed behind them.
The sweet scent of the festival still lingered in the air like an afterthought of what could have been if, at any point of time, things went differently.
It only left a bitter taste in Kris' mouth. None of this was ever for them to keep. It was never theirs to begin with.
They should be happy for Susie. She found a home. Not only as in a place to sleep at night but also in form of a person.
Now Noelle will get involved too...
She's gonna learn the truth about the dark words, stumbling into the crossfire, believing this would take away the pain of the reality that took all that was dear to her.
After everything that happened today, she'd find her eternal comfort in the arms of Susie. Escaping into a better world, leaving all her sorrows behind.
They were the scum of the earth for being the one to take all this away from them. It's not long until they have to disrupt the balance of light and dark again.
Despite not even being soulless right now, every step Kris took felt like they were dragging concrete across the ground as they marched onward. The quiet streets were still covered in remnants from the couples parade and memories of the past.
They never had an actual chance at winning the voting. Not back then, not now.
Kris knew that. And they should be fine with that.
After all, being obligated to pick between king and queen always felt like gaining such a connection was something solely reserved for someone else. Not for them.
Noelle and Kris are both older now. It's childish to look back into the past like that.
Neither of them had any clue what they were doing.
The festival lights painting the town in a melancholic blue flickered for just a moment as Kris turned the corner passing the hospital.
Noelle...
She would get better without them. They were no use to her anymore. She's got Susie to cheer her up now. She's the one who will stop her tears and make her laugh now.
It's not like they were ever any good at it either way. All they did was make her forget about all the things that made her cry.
But did they ever manage to make her happy?
Just then, Kris heard too familiar sniffling coming from the forest behind the hospital.
She doesn't need them anymore, right?
Noelle did her best to cover up and muffle down her cries so nobody had to hear as her whole world was falling apart again.
Why was this happening? Why now? Why does everything she ever wanted slip away the moment she gets it?
How can the best day of her life turn into her worst nightmare so quickly?
This world just won't let her be happy. Noelle isn't supposed to make her own decisions. She has to be quiet and nice and never even think about what she wants.
This is what happens when she acts out of character.
Now her dad won't ever wake up again. And it was her fault. Because she was selfish. Because she didn't listen to what she was told to do.
Noelle just isn't supposed to be happy. She is supposed to loose everything dear to her and then carry on with the same unchanging life, pretending like none of it filled her mind with this gnawing urge to just do something crazy and disappear as well.
But then Susie came into her life. Rude, brave and everything Noelle wasn't.
It was the first time she saw a glimmer of light in the darkness that covered her life like a heavy blanket, weighing her down until she could barely breathe.
Susie was the first person to give her hope again after such a long time. To spark new thoughts into her stagnant mind. To evoke feelings she had never felt before. To make her heart beat again after considering it dead for far too long.
She actually made her consider having a future again.
But at what cost...?
Back when her sister left, Kris disappeared from her life too. Now dad is gone and she couldn't help but expect susie would now turn away from her too.
Her dad.
Noelle's whole body ached with guilt at the memory of him just laying there, still and motionless on that hospital bed when she arrived late. Her mom didn't even spare her a single glance. Not even when her daughter was at the edge of breaking down, no longer able to hold back the tears that she fought to hold back so violently. Noelle swore to the Angel she wouldn't cry in front of her dad anymore and give him another reason to worry about her while he was already going through so much.
She had to leave that hospital room. She couldn't see any of it a second longer. She swore she would be strong for him the way he had always been for her, but Noelle had always been too weak to keep such promises to herself.
Inside that room, everything was so bright, overwhelming, too much. It left Noelle with a relentless ringing in her head, like the continuous flatline of a heart monitor.
Now all she wished for was to sit by her dad's side again.
Let him comment her gameplay.
Let him tease her about her way too obvious crush.
He was the last one who still held her while she cried back when her sister disappeared.
Now he was disappearing too. Until he-
She didn't want to finish that thought.
Until there is nothing left of him but dust-
Noelle choked as her mind finished it either way. She couldn't breathe. She wanted to scream but her voice drowned out before it could reach her lips.
The tears running down her face stung in her eyes as she grasped for air that just wouldn't enter her lungs.
Her dad will never wake up again!!
That thought crashed through her like a wave dragging her head under water as she clawed at her chest for anything that would make this torture stop.
Every passing second pulled her deeper into panic, like sinking to the bottom of open water. The light of the surface growing further away with each heavy heartbeat that rumbled through her body.
She couldn't breathe!!
Just as she was certain she was gonna suffocate on nothing, her body finally gave in as one trembling breath after the other entered her lungs. They were short, unsteady and tore through her insides but she was breathing.
Noelle held her hands in front of her mouth to quiet down her sobbing but the pain still found its way out.
All those mental wounds she was never able to properly heal, that she had to tip-toe around carefully, they were all out in the open again.
And now she was alone with no one by her side anymore.
Between her muffled crying and shaky breaths, Noelle heard a sudden sound coming from the surrounding trees.
After that, all she could hear was her own heartbeat, hammering anxiety into her chest once again.
This was not the heartbeat she wanted to hear!
Though for a split second, her stupid mind hoped that whoever made that sound must be Susie and now that she's here, she will pull her into her strong arms and reassure her that everything would be fine and that none of this was her fault.
That her father would be alright.
And Noelle would believe her even if she knew it wasn't true.
But when she got a closer look between the trees after wiping away the tears that were obscuring her view, all she saw was the weird neighborhood kid who once knew her better than she did herself. Head lowered, one arm holding the other as if looking for reassurance themselves.
She once knew them better than anyone else as well. A part of her wished that they would have just jumped at her from the shadows of the trees like a rabid dog again, making her scream loud enough for the whole town to hear. Maybe then, just for a moment, she'd think of something else rather than her own misery.
Looking at them standing so far away now only confirmed that, in fact, she didn't know them at all anymore.
Another wave of tears was about to hit her as Noelle turned away, out of their sight. She must look awful right now.
All she could do was hope and fear that Kris would just walk away and leave her here. They wouldn't want to deal with the emotional mess she was right now.
They weren't whatever she wanted them to be back then anymore. They never were.
Kris wouldn't come to cheer her up anymore.
Those times were already long gone.
Maybe she just had to close her eyes and escape from this nightmare.
But as much as she tried to wake up in a world where everything was fine, where her family wasn't falling apart, where she could just bury herself in Susie's embrace and be held forever, she was still here.
Instead, reality answered with the rustling of leaves on the ground next to her.
Opening her eyes, she could make out Kris' form through her tears. They were leaning against the same tree trunk, hunched up just like her. Not close enough to touch, but closer than they have been in years.
Something about their presence made Noelle feel like she didn't have to cover up her sobs anymore.
It felt familiar, almost comforting to cry with Kris right next to her.
They know her like this. They know her pain and all her ugly sides. What even was there to hide that they haven't seen already?
For the longest time she thought they were just picking on her back then but while riding the ferris wheel together with them earlier, Noelle realized that this was their own unique way of trying to cheer her up.
She, on the other hand... got really bossy around them at times... and told on them whenever they caused mischief, resulting in them getting into trouble...
Even then, they always came back to her.
They were an essential part of the times she thought back to so dearly. Even if their connection was forced, she didn't even want to imagine what a childhood without the Dreemurrs would have been like.
Still, none of this explained why these past few days, Kris had suddenly gotten close again in such an unfamiliar way. It almost felt like they just forgot about the distance that split them apart years ago and kept them from reconnecting any further than lending pencils in school.
They were different now. Back to the Kris who avoided her and her gaze.
"Kris? Why are you here..?"
Noelle asked between her sobs, not believing that they would actually be here out of their own volition. Not for her. Did her mom send them to get her back and deal the final blow, shattering her to pieces she can then rearrange to her liking?
Kris, on the other hand, tried everything to put what was going on inside their head into words but they just couldn't find any. And even if there were some they could muster up, they had no right to speak them now. This was about Noelle, not them.
Even so, there was no way they could actually change the situation she was in. No answer they could give or action they could take would bring her father back to life. They knew this would happen but didn't do anything against it...
All they could do now was sit next to her and know that she deserved better than their silence.
But knowing that it would only hurt her more if Kris didn't answer at all, they fell back on the one language they spoke that didn't require any words. Picking up a stick from the branches surrounding the two of them, they started drawing lines in the dirt.
Still in disbelief, Noelle realized what they were doing and wiped her tears away again to look at their work.
There were two figures, one with small antlers, the other wearing a horn headband.
This rather simple depiction of them was already enough for Noelle to get lost in the past again. Back when Kris would still shake the ferris wheel cabin to stop her from crying about something that was so out of reach from the beginning on.
When the worst thing she had to fear was what kind of prank they had planned next for her.
In the drawing the two of them were holding hands.
Noelle was just about to ask if they could still do that but then Kris quickly wiped their shoe over that part of the drawing and turned it into the both of them making a rude gesture.
A shaky laugh escaped Noelle at the sight of it that still ended up sounding more like another sob than anything else.
Were they actually... trying to cheer her up again with this? Were they here... for her?
"Kris..." Noelle's eyes wander to their hand for just a split second before looking away again. Her voice was raspy and pained in her throat. "Can we still...? I just... need to hold something..."
Kris tensed at her request, caught off guard by how she would still reach out to them when they were the reason so much was left unsaid between them.
Despite it all, they reluctantly placed their hand in hers, finding her fingers just as cold as their own.
Sharing this small moment of almost forgotten proximity, Noelle finally allowed herself to close her eyes and take a few slow breaths until most of the trembling in her body began to fade. Tears still threatened to fall from the sides of her eyes but this unbearable urge to scream and hyperventilate was gone.
She couldn't help but stare at the stupid drawing in front of her and hope that someday, if she actually makes it through this, things would return to how they once were...
"I... don't know if I'm able to go through this again, Kris... I'm not strong enough to lose anyone else..." She whispered just loud enough for Kris to hear. "My dad... he meant everything to me... He can't be gone too... Just tell me that this whole week was only a crazy dream and none of it actually happened... That's what it is, right? Dad promised me he'd get better... Susie would never like me back and you... you wouldn't actually try to cheer me up again."
But Kris didn't say anything. Instead, they continued drawing with the stick in their free hand.
A long snout with a big smile and sharp teeth, eyes filled with hope. Long, messy hair, broad shoulders...
Everything in them screamed to snap the stick in half to ease the torture they were putting themselves through but right now, what they felt didn't matter. Noelle was doing worse and they needed to change that.
"None of this should be real..."
When Kris came to draw her hand, they altered their work again to make Susie hold Noelle's hand.
At that, Kris did what had to be the only right thing to do and loosened their already light grip on her hand, expecting her to do the same and let go. Instead, her fingers only tightened around theirs.
Wouldn't she rather be with Susie right now?
To her, they were just the stepping stone to get them together until they didn't need them anymore, right?
Kris caught a glance of her face through their hair. Noelle's eyes were red and swollen from crying, her fur wet and stuck together, hair messy... Far from the perfect girl the rest of the town knew her as.
"And even if all this was real... no one would want me like this... Not when I'm such a mess...
After Dess left, I was too much for you as well..."
The moment Noelle said that, a sharp pain shot through Kris' body, making them turn to face her fully. Before they even realized, their hand tightened around hers as well.
"You don't need to look so concerned, Kris..." Anyone else would have been creeped out by their deep intense stare but Noelle only found a nostalgic sense of comfort in them. "You haven't looked at me like that in years... Why now?"
Kris' gaze faltered under the weight of the guilt they felt for just leaving Noelle on her own when she needed them the most. They still believed that they didn't have the right to sit next to her like this after what they had done. Noelle always deserved someone much better than them.
But they just... couldn't bear seeing her sad. And no one else was around when they walked down that street hearing her cries in the distance.
At the same time, they also knew that nothing they could do would actually cheer her up now. It wasn't enough anymore to hide bugs in her pockets or make her believe that mice were about to mistake her hair for delicious cheese.
Nothing they could have done at that time would have brought back her sister.
And nothing they could do now would save her dad.
None of this would ever make her forget about something as devastating as what was happening right now again.
Kris' silence made Noelle come up with her own conclusion.
"I'm making you do this again... You don't actually want to be here, right?"
Noelle tried to force a smile on her face but her trembling lips betrayed her as more tears escaped her eyes in the process.
Just the thought of this already quickened her heartbeat once more, just like her breathing. She's being a burden for others again. She wasn't supposed to be like that! Kris never actually liked her at all!
The lack of a definitive answer only intensified the pressure to just let this self-sabotaging urge take control of her again.
"I know it, Kris! I know that you've always hated me!! You can just tell me, I deserve it!! Everything here is already so messed up- No I am messed up and-!"
But before Noelle could spiral any further, Kris took their intertwined hands and placed the back of hers against their chest, letting her feel their quickened but steady heartbeat.
Once again, dark brown eyes met crimson red. Noelle was taken aback by the implications of their action while Kris was rather embarrassed but refused pull away. They quickly avoided her gaze again, looking down and hiding their expression behind their bangs while still adding their other hand on top for reassurance.
As much as it confused her, Noelle couldn't deny feeling this familiar kind of comfort she had already experienced earlier at the lake. Kris was doing this for her?
The calming rhythm against her hand grounded and reminded her of better days...
Diverting her gaze from the bits of Kris' flushed face she could make out, Noelle looked up to the stars, thinking about how they were so far away while the sight of them still managed to give her some sort of warmth. They were always shining bright even in the darkest of nights.
For a long while, Kris and Noelle remained like that, only the gentle autumm breeze ghosting through the trees keeping them company.
Nevertheless, at some point, a tired yawn escaped Noelle's lips. She was exhausted. This whole day has taken everything and even more out of her.
So, despite the stinging, her eyelids grew heavy just like her head.
"Thank you... Kris..."
Was all they heard her mumble before another weight appeared on their shoulder. A less metaphorical one this time, followed by faint snoring not long after.