Chapter Text
The faint scent of gunpowder and ash filled the air, a few final gunshots ringing through the air before roach finally relaxed, scoping the treeline around him and ghost to make sure they took out all the enemies before he dare put his gun down.
The sky was surprisingly clear and blue, a good day compared to the usual orange that made him think they were on mars. Dust flew in the air, catching on whatever it could. The previously olive green grass was littered with bodies and empty mags, now painted a deep maroon with blood.
Roach's entire body ached. Injured and tired after that shit show. Every bone in his body hurt beyond comprehension, exhaustion seeping into every crack and crevice. His ears rang from the hours of listening to gun shots and loud yelling from soldiers, his throat dry and eyes burning.
His breath was all he could focus on, ragged and uncontrolled.
He stood up from his spot crouched on the ground, his knees and thighs sore from being in that position for an extended period of time. he dusted off his pants before sighing in exhaustion. Both the lieutenant and sergeant covered in dirt and grime.
It felt like his head was running in circles, his vision felt crooked and hazy, like he was in a dream.
He put a hand on Ghost's shoulder, black circles appearing in his vision and before he knew it everything was black. He felt his head hitting against the ground roughly, ghost's frantic call for his name after realizing what had happened the only thing he could focus on.
A cold sweat had formed at his eyebrow and the rim of his mask, suffocating him in a sense. He could feel his fingers slightly shaking. The dead and fried grass beneath his back felt soothingly cold to the touch, even though he could barely feel it through the thick padding of his gloves and gear.
After just a moment Roach quickly awoke, his body refusing to let him rest for even a second amidst a battlefield. "I've got you Roach, Hang on!" Ghost reassured , putting roach's arm around his shoulders for support, letting roach put his body weight on himself with open arms. Dare he say he liked roach depending on him.
The sergeant's breathing grew uncontrolled and frantic, sucking in short breaths, desperate to get air in his lungs. He could feel his mind spinning , trying his best to get a hold of himself. Exhaustion was dominating his body as much as he tried to fight it.
Ghost had held up pretty well, at least compared to his buddy. Though they both were covered in sweat. Ghost checked roach for any injuries, his eyes roaming over his body out of habit.
The rapid air from the rotors of the plane shepherd arrived in pushed the grass and dust away, straight into their face. a few stray leaves flying around in the sky. fortunately they both wore masks to it didn't affect them much.
The ramp slowly opened up , touching on the ground with a soft click. The general and a few shadows slowly emerged , shepherd slightly bent over as he approached them. His eyes rapidly skimmed over roach and ghost's form, years of experience aiding him.
Roach always noticed the small details about people, their habits, or just subconscious quirks about themselves even they may not have known. He was known for noting these type of things. Ghost found it quite endearing that roach payed such close attention to the small, unimportant details. But there were many things he found endearing about Gary.
Ghost and roach straightened up at the sight of their general, ghost letting go of roach after making sure he could stand independently. The general was a closed off man, nothing much known about him. Roach respected the decision to stay anonymous.
Shepherd always had a certain aura over him, the man was intimidating. Every room he walked into immediately shut up upon his entrance, and not only because of his rank.
He was always in a no-nonsense attitude, the kind of look in his eyes that told stories no author could write. He was the best fit man for a job like this they could think of.
"You got the DSM?" Shepherd interrogated, looking expectantly at Ghost.
"We got it, sir!" Ghost confirmed, exchanging a small nod of affirmation with the man.
"Good, That's one less loose end" Shepherd stated, throwing an arm around roach as he said the catchphrase.
Ghost furrowed his eyebrows, snapping his head to look at shepherd, but he was focused solely on Roach.
Shepherd reached his hand over to his sidearm, suddenly pointing it at Roach and pressing the trigger.
What the fuck?
A sickening gunshot tore through the air, Roach falling on his back from the impact, blood splattering on the ground behind him, a bullet now lodged in his heart. "No!" Ghost shouted at the sudden action, instinctively going towards Roach's body, quickly forcing himself to turn towards the traitor and reach for his side arm.
Pain shot through Roach's body, he felt the bullet tearing through every layer of flesh and getting lodged right in his heart, not too far deep, or too shallow, the perfect position. The person it was shot by seemingly making it hurt even more.
In that moment it occurred to him, he was a clown for ever believing shepherd didn't see them as something more than weapons. Or tools you could say. Just pawns for him to order around and withdraw whenever he needed to. He was stupid for thinking they were more than that to him.
Ghost's hands were shaking and and mind completely clouded by the shock of the situation. Watching the person he cherished and cared for so deeply get shot right in front of his eyes.
The man who he spent countless days with. The man who helped him when he was shot in the abdomen and could barely aim. The man who he secretly developed feeling for. The man who loved him back, now laying lifeless and cold on the floor with a bullet in his heart.
Shepherd pointed his gun at Ghost's head, shooting the man who served him so loyally without any remorse, his eyes not losing sight of the DSM in roach's hands as he mercilessly killed the man roach loved.
Ghost's head jerked back with his body, falling on the floor with a nauseating thud.
Gary couldn't tear his eyes away from Ghost's body, laying lifeless and cold on the ground.
One bullet was all it took to end his life. Two bullets to completely change the course of their lives. They still had so much life left to live, their lives cut unfairly short.
Roach's eyes widened, his vision blurring at the sight. Ghost's body was still and unmoving now, the second that bullet touched him he was undoubtedly dead.
Roach felt his chest go rigid and the thought that Ghost never got the chance to see anyone in his last moments, the last thing he saw was The general- the traitor-pointing a gun at his head.
He reached his quivering hand over to his chest, giving it a brief touch before raising it back up to check.
It was covered with blood. his blood. Blood shed by a man he looked up to, someone he considered a fellow teammate. Someone he and his entire team placed their trust in.
Shepherd tucked away the gun, a weapon of violence as he walked to roach's side grabbing the DSM out of his weak hands with scarce care. Getting up to leave before Roach grabbed his wrist causing him to stop. Roach locked eyes with the man, almost asking him; Why?, eyes full of anger heavily overshadowed by sorrow.
The person he looked up to and strived to be like one day was the man who inevitably betrayed and killed him. not only him, he betrayed his entire team.
Shepherd moved his head to look at roach, eyes full of disgust at the man he betrayed ,sparing the sergeant an isolated glance before coldy shoving Roach's hand off his own wrist with aggression Roach never thought he would see from the general.
He turned and headed out of roach's line of sight, two shadows taking his place, one stationing himself at roach's head while the other at his feet, temporarily tucking their guns away as they lifted him off the ground as roach slowly faded into the void of unconsciousness.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Soft rays of sunlight layed on Ghost's table where he sat.
Roach had been thinking of this for a while, his feelings for the lieutenant. It was silly, Gary always knew he was gay, it was what caused his parents to disown him ,but that still didn't change things. Seeing him everyday without telling him his true feeling was a pain which slowly ate away at his mind and soul, working alongside him as nothing but comrades. nothing but friends.
He was scared. too scared to tell ghost what he felt, What if he didn't like him back? What if a confession forever made things awkward between them ? Roach was too terrified too ever build up the guts to go and tell ghost. Ghost never gave Roach any hints about what his reaction would be to a confession.
Sure roach knew ghost well, but he was still abundantly a mystery to roach. But that was what drew Roach to Ghost, the mysterious aspect was tempting to him, and what was the main reason he was so into Ghost.
One late night talking with Soap, roach got too carried away, opening up about his feelings for Simon. Soap wasn't very shocked, he'd figured out a month ago roach liked Ghost. Roach wasn't the best at hiding his true feelings apparently.
Though soap wouldn't stop teasing him about it any and every chance he got, careful that ghost wasn't around, of course, making roach regret ever sharing it with him. Soap didn't mind their complicated relationship as long as it didn't get in the way of any work.
Roach hopelessly loved everything about that man. Even if his face was obstructed by a mask, he displayed emotion in ways other people never noticed. His blue eyes Roach could stare at for hours, personality that suggested Ghost would strangle him at any moment.
It all fueled Roach's feelings, and the guilt too. He didn't even know if Ghost was straight or gay. And he would die before he straight up asked. (that was intentional)
Ghost's rank gave him his own quarters, while a sergeant like roach had to live in the barracks with other sergeants and such, Roach regularly went in and out of ghost's quarters, they both still had a tight knit freind ship. But that was the problem, they had never been anything more than friends, or mates.
Whatever it was it was always platonic, no romantic feelings, at least up until now. Roach lay sprawled out on ghost's bed, already long comfortable on the bed.
Ghost sat on a chair as they both chatted, Soap had been urging roach to finally confess his feelings to ghost. "Tell him before you die at least, Gary. You never know what'll happen tomorrow" The captain always said. The threat of death was always present. Roach knew about it from the moment he enlisted.
It never truly bothered him nor did he fear it. He just hoped it never came too early, or at least that it didn't come before he told Ghost his feelings. Roach made up his mind he would tell ghost tonight, Finally confess to the man. Dread consumed him as the moment finally came, all prior confidence seemingly on hiatus.
Roach fidgeted with the cuffs of his shirt. He only had his mask and goggles on, the helmet discarded long ago. Roach sat up on the bed, building up the courage to ask Ghost.
"Ghost. I have to talk to you." He calmly said, in contrast to the storm brewing inside his head right now. God he felt like a teenager confessing to their highschool crush right now. Right after saying that he felt his brain and heart short circuiting, so much courage and bravery for what?
Ghost looked at roach at the sudden change in tone, a slight hint of concern masking his words. "What's wrong?" he asked, easy and practiced words rolling on his tongue naturally as he looked at him, a hint of worry in his shielded eyes.
Roach had played out this moment in his head hundreds of times, it was all he could focus on prior to this moment. Every possible situation mapped out in his head and how he would react to it.
But there was always that one response in his head. What if ghost liked him back?
Ghost understood by roach's body language this was something serious, moving to sit beside roach on the bed. The movement instantly made Roach's chest tighten even more, it felt as if his ribs were closing in on his heart at the simple gesture.
"Ghost I..." Roach begun, his throat closing up. He felt like a fool suddenly going quiet right in the moment. He pushed out words resting on the tip of his tongue forcefully.
"I....I don't know how to say this but....Over these past few months I've...I've developed feelings for you." Roach confessed. His voice slightly strained and crack-y from how nervous he was, Too scared to even glance at ghost's face.
A hundred thoughts were funneling through Roach's head right now. "If you don't like me back its completely okay, I just-" Roach stuttered , the words stopping in his tongue.
"Roach." ghost interrupted him. Roach looked up at Simon in that moment. His mask not giving away any information as to what ghost's reaction was.
"I like you too, Gary."
Well he wasn't expecting that. His stomach stirred and curled in on itself , tying itself in a knot as a response. suddenly his eyes grew wide, fists uncurling.
"I didn't know how to tell you.." Ghost confessed, his voice was softer now. More vulnerable, nothing like the mask he kept on during missions.
Roach was at a loss of words. he was fully expecting to just end up making a fool of himself. Not ghost confessing to him too. The tips of his fingers burned, he could feel his ears going red.
"Simon.." Roach murmured. He never thought he might actually get a partner, all his life he was only ever in two relationships and both were when he hadn't realized he was gay.
He could feel his heart warming up, overwhelmed with emotions, positive ones thankfully. His stomach getting butterflies, though the feelings made him queasy.
They both stayed in silence for a moment, taking everything in. The revelation that the person that they had a crush on actually liked them back. The air felt tight, no one knew what to say from the amount of emotion rushing through their heads right now.
Ghost never would have confessed to Roach on his own. He never believed in he could confess without either embarrassing himself or over-complicating the relationship if the other person didn't like him back. And it wasn't like him to like someone like this, it would be embarassing for big bad ghost to be confessing his feeling to a sergeant.
Fortunately for him Roach made the first move. Roach placed a warm hand on ghost's covered cheek, ghost leaning into it as they both held eye contact. He didn't really know what to do now that they'd established their feelings. Maybe lean in for a kiss? Nah that felt a bit too fast, he didn't have a problem with it but he wasn't sure if Roach was okay with it.
And he would never forgive himself if he kissed roach without consent. Roach stared into his eyes for a moment, at the same eyes he'd fell the hardest for, the same eyes that had seen horrors he still wasn't aware of, the same eyes that had seen various people's insides, but that's what roach fell for first.
Roach reached over to his mask, pulling it down to rest right below his chin, slowly leaning in towards ghost.
Ghost's eyes softened at the gesture. He already knew what roach was doing and he didn't mind it. he reached up and pulled up his own mask, bunching it up at his nose. Roach stopped right before he touched his lips, as if realizing something.
"Do I have your permission?" Ghost almost let out a laugh at the interruption. Roach never failed to amaze him with his dumbass self even when they were quite literally about to kiss.
Ghost grabbed roach's face with both hands, slotting their lips together gently as if he'd done this a thousand times before. His gentleness caught roach off guard, ghost handling him as if he were the most fragile thing he'd ever laid his hands on. Heat pooled low in his stomach as he cherished the moment.
Even the smallest movement held a lot of weight, Roach's concern to make sure he always had Ghost's consent offered a peek into his caring self which he didn't often display.
Roach quickly melted at the touch, His lips were soft and warm. Comforting even. He could feel his face heating up in the moment, his stomach doing backflips and summersaults.
Roach pulled their faces closer together, deepening the kiss even more, holding back a grin.
Ghost really didn't take himself for the romantic type, he believed that after his last failed relationship he would never be romantically involved with anyone again, though he was proven terribly wrong by his feelings for Gary.
They only broke away for a moment to catch their breath, roach letting out a soft breath as their lips parted. Roach could hear his own heartbeat thumping in his ears, his breaths shaky as he tried to get a proper hold of himself. He could feel the hue of pink coating his cheeks.
Ghost's body heat was comforting, It wasn't that roach was cold, he just liked the feel of someone else's body heat.
He honestly wasn't planning on telling anyone about this, he would most likely prefer their relationship to stay under the surface, it would be embarrassing for everyone in the damn building to know both of their situation.
Roach's hand dropped down to the crook of ghost's neck, he could feel how warm it was even through the mask, god he must be burning up in there.
"Ghost I..." he fumbled over his words slightly, still flustered by their kiss, his tone got a chuckle out of ghost. An actual chuckle.
"Just, don't say anything Bug." the nickname rolled off his tongue like second nature, Roach personally loved that nickname, a pet name reserved specially for him.
"Sure ,Ghost" roach complied, a small, heartfelt smile breaking through and adorning his face like jewels sparkling in the moonlight. Ghost smiled at roach, before grabbing his face and pulling him closer again
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Roach awoke to being thrown against the ground harshly, his head hitting the ground roughly, for a moment the world around him was blurred and spun violently before his gaze finally focused.
The impact sent dirt flying in the air. His body rolled once before finally falling limp. He didn't even have enough energy to pick his own hand up, Blood loss was a bitch. His gear suddenly weighed him down like it held all the weight in the world.
He bunched up all the energy he had left to turn his head to look at the two shadows holding ghost's body the same way they did with his.
They roughly threw ghost's corpse on the ground beside roach, as if he were nothing but a piece of garbage to be tossed out. He couldn't tear his eyes away from the sight, as much as he wanted to look the other way and throw up his insides.
Minimal care was evident in the shadows' movements. His body hit the ground with a rough crash, rubbing salt to the wound, his corpse slightly rolling before settling right beside roach, hand extended towards roach's as if he were reaching out to hold his hand one last time.
The comms crackled to life, Price's panicked and emotion filled voice coming in on the other end.
"Ghost come in! This is price!" he took a sharp breath "Roach! Ghost! Do not trust Shepherd, I repeat Do not trust shepherd!" Price warned, maybe, just maybe if price were a few moments earlier roach and ghost may have survived. It was rare to see Price sound this frantic, he was usually the most emotionally kept together dude on the team.
Nonetheless the frantic shouting from price didn't stop the shadows from pouring gasoline over both ghost and roach's limp corpses. The Gasoline seeped through his clothes, the feeling cold and wet on his bare skin. It was almost comforting to feel something familiar in his final moments.
Price's frantic warnings were like background music now, loud and clear to the traitor standing right in front of roach. As the shadow finished pouring the last bottle of gasoline, Shepherd stepped up, taking a swig of the cigar in his hands one last time in front of roach. Almost mockingly.
He flicked his cigar onto ghost, the flame immediately catching on fire. Shepherd held eye contact with roach for a second, his soulless eyes devoid of any regret before he turned around and walked away. Completely unfazed by his own sick, twisted actions.
Roach turned his head to look at his lover, he could feel his vision blurring up, tears threatening to fall, he extended his hand to hold ghost's hand one final time. The familiar warmth of his hand was now gone, stolen by the wrath of death, replaced with a stinging cold feeling.
Sobs broke out uncontrollably ,raw and rough from his chest as he felt the fire burning his skin, boiling it up and prodding deep into his muscles. Slowly but surely the smell of burning skin and ash filled his nose, Charred flesh visible if he looked down.
The embers dug deep in his skin, it felt like every single one of his nerves were being pulled out while he was kept completely conscious throughout it all, God what did he ever do to deserve such a fate?
Roach sharply inhaled a few rapid breaths, coming out in small , hurried gasps instead at a desperate attempt to calm himself down from the immense pain suddenly hitting like a truckload all at once.
At least Ghost wasn't alive to experience the immense pain.
"Simon, I'm so fucking sorry. I'm so, so sorry" Roach apologized desperately, as if it would bring him back. It wasn't his fault, it wasn't anyone's really, but the silence from ghost was even worse, fueling roach's sobs as the raging flame slowly swallowed the doomed couple.
It wasn't supposed to end like this. No, they were supposed to have retired together with a small cabin in the woods with a cat or some shit, living a quiet but peaceful life together after serving in the army for years. They were all supposed to be alive. Pulse hammering loudly in his ears every day to remind him he was still alive and well, planting marigolds or casa lilies in their garden besides the roses after a long day at the park or something.
Roach still had so much to live for, he never got to get married, see a volcano or any of the other thing she had on his mental bucket list, all his unrealistic dreams crushed like a used cigar.
It was inevitable, they would die eventually ,Gary knew that from the moment he enlisted, but he would have preferred if he died in more of a heroic way, rather than being shot at the hands of the general.
Roach wondered what it would be like, how would price react? how would soap react? Soap had always told Roach about death, about how he could die at any moment, every second was a battle of life and death. Soap had tried to get Roach to be calm with the idea of death, which he had succeeded with.
No one would ever find their body, they would never get a proper burial. All price and soap would get was gonna be radio silence. No funeral, No proper burial, just ash in a field.
Nonetheless it didn't matter now, As the last of his energy faded, the once so energetic and full of life soldier now burning beside his lover in a field of despair.
Through ghost's tinted sunglasses he could see his shiny eyes. Desolate and empty as they stared at roach, devoid of any life or emotion. He couldn't put into words how much he would give to see them alive once more.
Price's shouting continued on, begging ghost or roach, anyone to give him a reply, but it didn't matter now , as no one was listening anyway.
A single tear rolled down roach's cheek, falling onto the grass as he squeezed ghost's hand for the last time.