Chapter Text
The pain she was feeling, was excruciating.
It was coursing through her body and nestled somewhere deep within her gut. She stood firmly on the spot near her front door inside of her flat as she watched his arms exaggerate above and in front of him, whilst his words lashed out at her and his voice raising with every sentence. She had stopped listening to him at this point. The argument dragging out for what felt like hours. She could feel the prickling of tears that were threatening to spill down her cheeks. She could feel the burn within her throat as she tried to push her emotions back down. Once he paused to take a breath, that was her shot. And before she knew it, her words fired out like speeding bullets as she looked at him dead in the eye
"I wish I'd never met you, Colin Bridgerton!"
That was it. That was the moment that changed everything. She watched as if in slow motion the way his hard facial expressions that seconds ago were filled with anger suddenly morphed into a look she will never forget. Like someone had ripped out his heart and crushed it into tiny pieces in the palm of their hands, correction-her hands. She was to blame.
Oh good god, what had she done?
She stepped back with a sharp gasp, covering her mouth like she could swallow the words deep down and lock it away. But it was said, and it was too late. The damage was done. All of a sudden, the world tilted and her head felt fuzzy.
"oh god, I don't feel so good"
She backed herself away slowly, her hand reaching out in front as if trying to grab onto something that wasn't there. She stumbled, with her vision slowly going hazy and blurry. She blinked hard, trying to scan her surroundings, looking for somewhere soft to land but she could already feel her knees start to buckle, and her heart was pounding as if it was trying to escape her chest. Everything was spinning now, her ears were ringing with a high pitch and her breath was becoming shallow.
"Colin" she gasped, like she needed to anchor herself to him, as if she knew this would be the last time. She heard the panic in his voice as he cried out to her but before she knew it, she collapsed, not even feeling the moment her body hit the floor, succumbing to complete silence and darkness.
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She heard the faint sounds of the street, cars beeping and double decker buses passing by, as she delicately opened her eyes to the sharpness of daylight.
"Oooooh my head" she groaned to herself, covering her eyes with her forearm. As she shifted her body, she moaned again but only because she felt a sharp twinge in her lower back as she moved and shuffled herself to sit up.
"fuck"
Her eyes scanned her surroundings.
Ah - so that would be why she was in pain, she was on her living room floor that was in no way comfortable at all. Just a hard laminate floor that is not designed for sleeping on for however long it had been. She felt fuzzy as if she had been drunk, had she passed out? She couldn't even recall a time she ever got that hammered that she passed out, but there was a first for everything. However, upon inspection, there didn't seem to be any evidence of a night of drinking. No bottles or wine glasses lingering on coffee tables, kitchen sides or in the bins. She didn't remember going out last night either, come to think of it-she couldn't remember anything about yesterday. She felt her phone in the right side of her jeans pocket and pulled it out. 2 missed calls, 1 from an unknown number, the second was off El leaving no voice message but followed by a text message saying she would try to call back later. She also had messages that had built up from group chats, but nothing she really missed out on.
Maybe she fainted? As far as she knew, she was in good health, maybe she should get in touch with her GP, but seeing as the time was now, 3:45pm? well damn. she missed half of her day already- how long was she passed out for? Her throat felt incredibly dry, so she headed for the kitchen and downed a glass of water like she hadn't drunk in days. Feeling like her body needed nourishment and energy, she made some food and then went to shower, hoping to wash away the feeling that she couldn't quite shake off,
As she was in her towel drying off, she took the time to observe her flat- god knows why. She just couldn't rest, feeling like something was off (besides the obvious fact she had passed out). Something had changed. She couldn't place it, but she knew, she could feel it. She walked around with curiosity, observing her home like it was not in fact hers, but a strangers, seeing it all for the very first time. She remembers picking out the colour orange in her living room because it made her feel brighter. The plants that hung in their crochet baskets in the corner because it brought in life and despite how silly it sounds, it made her feel less lonely. The sofa that was second hand, but the comfiest sofa she ever owned. That one purple cushion that had a stain on the back from when she dropped spaghetti. It was her little home and she loved it. But right now, she didn't love it as much as she had for reasons unknown. As she settled back into her room, she sat on the edge of her bed, her head tilted to the side as she rubbed the towel to try off the ends when her eye caught on something. She dropped her head towel and slowly made her way to her bookshelf as she took hold of a baby pink heart shaped photo frame that looked old and tatted, but it was empty. Huh- how odd. She placed it back on the shelf and then looked up to see the collection of polaroids hanging from a string with little pegs holding them in place. She looked fondly at them only to suddenly be disturbed by her phone vibrating.
Her best mate. She smiled as she hit the green button
"El! it's so good to hear from you"
"Hey babes, I know, sorry I'm just getting back to you now, but you know how it is with work."
"oh sure, no worries. I have been preoccupied myself"
"So....dont keep me waiting any longer, how did it go?"
Pen creased her brows as she sat herself back down on the bed
"how did what go?"
"you know, the meeting with the publisher?"
"ah right, yeah it went really well. She liked my first draft, said it had potential but needs work. She's going to send it back over with her notes for me to reflect and work on in the mean time and basically we go from there"
She heard a loud gasp from the other end of the phone
"PENNNNNN, this is HUGE!"
"yeah, yeah I guess it is"
"You guess it is? no, it absolutely is, make sure you celebrate that. You've come along way pen and worked your ass off for this and it's finally happening"
she scoffed "not quite El, there is still a long way to go"
"I'm not dismissing that fact but let's appreciate with where you are now, yeah? It's a big achievement"
she sighed because of course, as always, El was right. It IS a big deal and she SHOULD celebrate- If only it was that easy.
"alright, fine, horrah for me" she said sarcastically whilst rolling her eyes
"that's my girl!" El snickered "now I'm gonna host a party for you in your honour at mine, but before you say no" she rushed in sensing pen was going to instantly reject the idea (which of course she was) "I promise to stock up on that wine you love so much and I promise you can have unlimited access to my library for respite"
Considering how weird she had been feeling in herself, she wasn't really in the mood for alcohol, even if it was her favourite. Maybe she shouldn't be drinking until she at least had a full health check, but Eloise's library was like no other so- she had her there
"fine, but make it small yeah? you know I don't do big crowds"
"no problem babes, it will mainly be family anyways"
"Sounds great- although do expect a rejection from Portia. Can't imagine this would be something she would give her time for"
"Nothing new there then, but I will send the invite out anyways, just so she doesn't have my head the moment she found out we threw a party without inviting her ladyship"
pen giggled "good thinking, always good to cover your back when it comes to Portia"
El chuckled "Indeeds, ooo by the way guess who you are FINALLY going to meet"
"who?"
"Colin! he's finally coming home, Pen"