Work Text:
You yawned as you flipped a nearby switch on, successfully turning on the 'OPEN' sign. As much as you loved working at night, it left you more than a little tired and cranky. With an annoyed grunt, you tugged at the lock on the door next to your reception desk. Still locked, check. You slide into the seat of your desk, cracking your fingers and opening your reading book.
Hopefully, today was gonna be a lazy day, nothing crazy.
Mere minutes later, as you think about that, the door opens, and in walks Batman.
Nevermind.
"You sure this is the place? Really doesn't seem right." An individual wearing red spandex trails after the bat, seeming doubtful of whatever it is they're doing. The flash? An odd pairing, but then again, they work together in the Justice League, so who are you to judge? The bat shuts the door behind them, entering deeper into the maw of your dingy shop.
"Ey, don't slam the door, this ain't a barn." You point your pen at Batman, already annoyed with the hero.
"Yeah, this is the place." The taller, black-robed vigilante grunts, walking over to the front desk, while the Flash looks around with doubts.
"You here for a room, or travel?" You ask your usual question, unimpressed at seeing the big and mighty bats.
"What do you think?" He rumbles out, looking down at you as his white eyes squint a little. You look over his shoulder at the Flash, who gives you an awkward wave.
"I don't judge." You look back up to Batman.
"Travel." He interrupts you at the end of your sentence, clearly nearing his patience's limit.
With a tired sigh, you whip out the guest book and point to a column.
"Your name." You watch unimpressed as he scribbles down 'Batman' on your page. Funny guy.
"Where ya travellin'?" You ask as you get up, flipping through your fat set of keys.
"Dimension four-six-eight-nine-three." Batman informs you.
"That's forty bucks." You tap the ledger, and a moment of silence passes before Batman procures a fifty for you.
"Wh- what?? Is that really it?" The Flash suddenly squawks out, looking at Batman. You cock an eyebrow while the taller hero looks at his colleague with a neutral gaze.
"What do you mean?" He asks.
"Forty bucks for interdimensional travel???" The Flash asks, bewildered.
"It costs that little because of the incredible customer service here." Batman comments quietly, and you genuinely can't tell if it's a joke or an actual explanation.
"You want me to charge you extra?" You lean on the desk, asking the Flash with some attitude.
"No-"
"Then keep quiet." Batman mutters as you walk over to the door, unlocking the lock on it and pulling it open.
Sure enough, that simple, old, shabby wooden door holds an aggressive, glowing interdimensional portal, its patterns swirling as it glares hungrily at the next visitors.
"Gimme a knock when you wanna come back, I'll let ya out." You leaned on the door as you watched the duo enter, the Flash, with maybe a little bit of doubt or fear.
Cute kid otherwise.
As soon as they enter, you slam the door shut, locking it again.
"Not even a thank you. Damn' supes." You roll your eyes, sliding back into your seat to read your book.
You read about one full chapter before you hear a loud rumble from outside. Repetitive, aggressive and attention-seeking. You think about what the sound reminds you of, but you're quickly answered by the person who kicks open the door to your business.
Lobo.
Well, the day just got a whole lot better.
"We don't serve suckers like you." You point your pen at him with a dry smirk, as he shuts the front door with his boot.
"Oh, what, this is some discrimination, I tell ya!" He grins as he takes a drag of his large cigar.
"You're the last of your species, I can afford to discriminate ya." You grin as he walks over, leaning on your reception desk. He blows the cigar smoke your way, grazing your whole face with it.
Were it anyone else, it'd upset you, and you'd kick them out. But be it Lobo, you make sure to smell the cigar smoke while it's still near you. It felt like a loving stroke to your cheeks.
"Missed me, sugartits?" He leans lower, so he's at your height. You didn't wanna give him the satisfaction of a straight answer.
"What do you think, Main man?" You lean forward in your uncomfortable seat, pressing your lips to his, feeling him reciprocate slowly. The kiss splits a second later.
"Oh, so that means terribly." He grins, jagged teeth on full display as he moves up, sitting on your desk, which groans in protest at his ridiculous weight.
He takes one big drag, blowing smoke out right after. "Well, I missed you too. Brought you somethin'." He lifts his arm up and reveals to be holding a decapitated head of some kind of alien. "A gift."
"Oh-"
"Procured with love, baby." He sets it on your desk, it's several tongues hanging loose out of its maw.
Upon closer inspection, you notice a heart carved on its large forehead, with Lobo and your initials inside. Sap.
"You trynna get in my good graces again, hot shot?" Your index traces the slack skull that's now rotting on your desk.
"Is it workin'?" He reached out, one big grey finger gently stroking your cheek.
"Maybe." You smirk, giving him the brownie points and leaning into his hand. Lobo seems to grin in victory, his palm overtaking your cheek.
"Look, sugar, I gotta ask for a favor." He leans down to you again, his red eyes focused on you. Then your body... then quickly back up to you.
"Oh, so that's why you're here, not to actually see your incredible girlfriend." You give him a fake scoff, to which he laughs.
"No! It ain't like that, sweet cheeks!" He defends himself, leaning back as he kicks the one foot that's off the ground. "No, I'm looking for this ah... powerful artefact from another dimension."
"And you want me to get you over yonder." You muse, watching him tilt his head with a fond smile.
"Yeah, exactly. But I wanted to ask if you wanted to come with." Lobo muses.
"Lobo, I'm workin'." You tap the desk with your finger.
"That's what you said the first night we met. Didn't stop you then~" He grins at you.
"Biggest mistake of my life." You smirk at Lobo, making him bark out a laugh.
"C'mon! Live a little with your boyfriend. Y'know, I'm gettin' real lonely without you. Hurts my little black heart." He grunts, setting his hand on his chest, as his other puts the cigar out on your ashtray.
You sigh and cave in just a little.
"What kinda artefact is it?" You question, seeing his red eyes dart about a little.
"Well, it's... a ring. I want another for my collection." He grins, wiggling his many-ringed fingers at you. You remember numerous times that big hand held yours, or the amount of times those fingers were in your most private places... god you missed his hands.
"That's it?" You ask with light doubt.
"S'it." He hums.
You think for a minute, wondering about your job.
Then, with an 'eh whatever', you get up and head for the glowing sign at your door, which Lobo loudly celebrates.
"Fuck yes! Been a while since you and I have been on a date." He grins as you walk past him to the door, making sure to smack your ass as he quickly follows.
Swallowing the happy sound that nearly came outta you, you unlocked the portal door. Originaly you wanted to let him in first, like the egoist that he is, but to your surprise, Lobo held the door open for you.
"Ladies first." He gave you a wink.
"My my, you're really trying today, huh?" You chuckle as you step backwards into the portal.
A tingly feeling rushes over your body, tickling your insides and leaving a sour taste on your tongue. Kinda like eating sour gummy worms, or drinking a fizzy drink.
You emerge somewhere you don't recognise. Purpleish, blueish grass is under your boots, the sky is bright orange, and floating meteors are all around. Place would be almost pretty. Shame Lobo's coming.
Sure enough, the mountain of a man emerges from behind you, looking around.
"Whadda dump." He grunts, throwing an arm around your shoulders.
"Be nice, you're a guest." You smile up at him, making him soften up a bit. He doesn't give a flying damn about the world he finds himself in, but he does care about you. So he might make an exception to behaving nicely.
"Only for you." He gives you a smirk before putting his fingers to his mouth and whistling for his bike, which seems to zoop in out of nowhere.
Leading you to the space hog, he nods for you to follow.
"Need to get you a helmet. Don't want a repeat of last month's performance." He grunts as you sit behind him, wrapping your arms around his waist like you had been instructed many times before.
"I don't think a helmet could save me from a few kilometres of falling." You muse, to which he revs the Space Hog up.
"An enchanted one could. That's another date idea." He grins, proud of himself.
"Y'know, there are other date ideas, other than getting ancient shit, Lobo." You comment as the bike takes flight.
"Oooh, so you saying you wanna do somethin' else with me?" He chuckles, jokingly reaching back and squeezing your thigh, successfully making you push your face into the back of his leather vest.
It stank, much like the rest of Lobo, but it was a stink that brought on a certain amount of comfort and familiarity. You've come to crave the stench of alcohol, cigar smoke and leather. It meant the big bad main man was around, and he was gonna give you either comfort or a good fuckening.
Either was good with him.
"Do you know where you're going?" You asked, setting your head on his shoulder, avoiding the spikes on his vest.
"Oh yeah. I can sense this thing calling my name like you do when we fuck." He grins, proud of that one.
"Don't blueball yourself, big guy." You chuckle, but hug him tighter still. You swore you could feel one of his hands gently patting yours that was on his chest. A little later, you decide to quest out some more questions. "What's up with the ring? Why do we want it?" You ask him, feeling him take a sharp turn to the right, avoiding a floating piece of space rock.
"It's ah... like an all-powerful bullshit ring, gives you superior strength, invulnerability and all that regular shit." He just kind of throws it out there, making you ponder. Why would Lobo, of all people, need a ring for invulnerability? He already has all that. But he did say he needed another ring for his collection. Looking at his fingers, he had only one last space left, his ring finger.
Lobo takes another sharp turn, now heading lower in this alternate reality. The bike seems to go over some kind of large body of water. A lake or a large pond or something of the like. You're not a river specialist.
What you are, though, is amazed at the beauty of the Space hog disturbing the surface of the water and creating two large, beautiful fans on water behind you. Like a trail. You grin as you slowly lean down, choosing to dip your hand in, feeling the water slap your hand, as if excited to meet you.
You felt a tug on your shirt.
Looking down, you saw Lobo's large mitt holding your shirt to keep you safe, in case gravity decides to take you from him. Not that it should dare to do so.
Soon, you straightened back up on your seat, hugging close to your Czarnian boyfriend again. Seems that he's taking the scenic route, not rushing his bike, just letting it cruise about.
The sky was a beautiful orange-reddish color and seemed to drag on forever with its creative cloud formations. Whatever this place was, you liked it. And you were happy that Lobo proposed this as a date idea.
"It's somewhere around here..." He suddenly mutters after cruising for a bit. The bike lowers down to the grassy ground, and you are promptly taken off of it with Lobo's help. Of course, you can get off on your own, but boy, does it feel nice to be grabbed under the arms and set down like some kinda princess.
"Doesn't seem right, does it? You'd expect some kinda temple, or at least a guy protecting that ring." You walk forward, looking around the fairly empty area.
The ground was covered with beautiful blue flowers, almost looking like overgrown daisies. A light breeze was in the air, once again reminding you that this was quite a peaceful, pretty place.
Lobo showed up beside you, looking around with a scowl.
"Somethin's tellin' me it should be right here somewhere." He looked around. It was quiet, too quiet.
Suddenly, his spiky, black locks stood on end.
"Get the hell outta-" he roughly pushed you away, just moments before something bore out of the ground beneath you two, and proceeded to grab Lobo into its maws.
Now, mind you, this wasn't the first time you've seen Lobo get mauled, shot, sliced or eaten, for this instance. But it still is a shocker each time it happens. You scurried back to his bike, hiding behind it. The Space Hog rumbled with both anger at its master's death, but also satisfaction at having you close and safe.
That thing, which dug out of the ground, first chomped Lobo into its maw and then proceeded to swallow him whole. Gross. You stared with bated breath as it proceeded to look at you next, its small, yellow, beady eyes taking time to focus in on you.
"Oh no..." You mumbled, hiding behind the bike as the thing growled.
Before the beast launched forth, it paused, seemingly gagging and twitching.
While you were a little concerned for your love's well-being, the Main man proceeded to cut through the monster's belly, sloppily falling out while the creature screeched in defeat, slamming to the colorful ground, its bright magenta blood soaking the grass. Lobo crawled out of its gut, stumbling a little.
"Gross! So much for cologning myself up for the date..." The immortal growled and proceeded to shake like a dog, throwing all the gut slime and gunk off of himself. He looked around, one eyebrow cocked up.
"Sugartits?" His voice was his usual lax self as he called out, but there was a hint of concern. He had a soft spot for you, due to the fact that you could be killed with a single breath from the wrong alien species, he felt protective over a mortal like you.
"Alive! And you?" You peeked up from behind the large bike that guarded you.
"Mostly intact. But look what I found!" He victoriously lifts a shiny ring above his head. Must be the one you were looking for!
Curious, you left the bike and started approaching your Main man. Wonder what this whole adventure was about then. Lobo took a few steps towards you and bent down to tear a couple of the blue flowers off the ground. It was a sudden motion from him.
"Lob- what..?" You cock an eyebrow as he proceeds to tear the roots off of the small bunch of flowers he ripped out. Much like one would break someone's neck.
He proceeds to ceremoniously clear his throat and stretch the flowers out to you, his grip maybe a bit too tight on the poor flora.
It makes you chortle a little as he grins in victory.
"For my date."
"Oh gee, thank you, Lobo. Why so out of nowhere? Hoping to get in my bed?" You ask as you take the blue flowers from his big hand.
"Eh, can do that without flowers." He waves you off, then proceeds to show you the ring he procured, his eyes focusing on it, rather than your face.
Naturally, in classic Lobo fashion, it has a skull on top and some small spikes around it.
"Aw, that's cute. Pretty." You compliment him.
"Not as purdy as you." He gently pats your cheek.
"Flirt. So, why'd we go get a ring that does basically nothing for you?" You questioned the big man in front of you.
"Glad you asked." He cleared his throat, stepping closer to you and looking down at you. "You're the only one I'll do this for. So you better remember and not tell anyone." He rumbles and slowly gets down to your height, kneeling on one knee.
"What, the great big Lobo kneeling in front of one lowly human?" You grin at him, stepping close to him, to stroke his cheek. He simply smirks at you.
"That, and asking for one lowly human hand in marriage." He grinned, watching the stunned expression grace your face.
"What..?" You mumble, watching as he raises the spiky ring up to you, your hands loosening around the flowers that you were given but a moment before. "Seems real metal of you humans giving shiny rocks to each other fer courtin'. Thought I'd give it a shot." He grins, his yellow-ish teeth coming in full show.
"But wh- since when do you- when do you wanna marry, Lobo?" You look at him, astonished and utterly shocked.
"Since I met you, duh." His grin turned into a more sincere smirk.
"You're so ridiculous, Lobo..."
"Zat mean you won't marry me..?" He cocked an eyebrow, his voice cracking.
"What- no! I mean- yes! Of course I'm marrying you, you big dumb idiot!" You quickly corrected yourself, seeing Lobo's villainous grin make a return.
"S'what I thought!" He grabbed your hand by your wrist, tugging it over to himself, and planting the ring on your finger. It seemed to shrink just a little, to fit your human hands. "That's mine now!" He growled victoriously, standing up to his full height.
Before he managed to stand all the way up, you grabbed one of the chains hanging from his neck and pulled him down to your height to kiss him. He quietly growled into the kiss and, as per usual, gave it his all. His large hands immediately greedily went to your ass, as was his well-known custom.
"This a part of the whole courting system, huh, sweetheart?" He split the kiss, looking at you with his dumb kind of mischief. Telling him to shut up, you pulled the Czarnian back to your lips and made sure to thank him properly.
A few minutes later of eventful kissing, Lobo suddenly picks you up, throwing you over his shoulder.
"I got a WIFE!" He grinned proudly as he stomped over to his bike, with you over his shoulder like some prize.
"You're shouting it like I'm a trophy!" You chuckle while he carries you, gently setting you down on your designated seat.
"'Cause you are, ditzy." He booped your nose once he sat you down. "Now we need ta get you a wedding dress, so I can take ya outta it." He smirked, to which you smiled back.
"Uh-huh, but only if you get cans for the bike, with a sign that says 'Just married!'." You smirk.
Lobo thinks for a split second, then snakes his arm around your waist with that smug smile of his.
"Deal, wifey."