Chapter Text
The year was coming to an end, and on the last working day, Viktor was in high spirits.
Christmas and New Year's Eve were just around the corner, which meant almost two weeks of vacation. Normally, this didn't make Viktor especially happy—he usually celebrated these holidays alone. Or rather, he spent them alone, because he rarely truly celebrated them.
When he was a student, everyone went home to enjoy some time with their families, but he had nowhere to go, so he stayed in the dorms. When he felt like it, he would cook something for himself, watch a holiday movie, and go to bed. When he wasn't in the mood, he didn't pay any attention to the holidays at all.
That year, however, he was going to celebrate Christmas with Sky and her boyfriend Steb. They were also throwing a New Year's Eve party with their friends, to which Viktor was also invited.
He'd met Sky in his first year at university, and although they were majoring in different subjects, they had bonded over a shared interest in botany and biology. Sky had developed a brief crush on him at the time, but when Viktor politely rejected her and came out as gay, they remained friends.
Now, it just so happened that Sky was working as an assistant on his and Jayce's project, and Viktor really liked that.
Sky was not only a talented scientist and a reliable colleague, but also easy to get along with. In addition, Sky was always available to discuss news and gossip circulating around their research center.
One such piece of gossip was, unexpectedly, his relationship with Jayce.
They had started working on a joint project about a year ago at Heimerdinger's insistence.
At first, Viktor hadn't expected much from this collaboration, perhaps because of his initial bias against Jayce. He had heard about him from other coworkers and expected Jayce to be just another pretty boy from a rich family who had everything handed to him on a silver platter and who couldn't see beyond his own nose.
But after their very first conversation, Viktor realized he was wrong. No, Jayce was, of course, a pretty boy. But he was also very hard-working, brilliant, genuinely passionate about science, and had a soft heart.
They clicked instantly. And now Viktor, who had previously been skeptical about his colleagues falling victim to Jayce's charms and singing his praises, found himself in their shoes.
The more he got to know Jayce, the more he fell in love with him. And Viktor genuinely enjoyed getting to know him—they could literally talk for hours about science, their hobbies, books, music, anything.
Pretty soon, they became inseparable. That, Viktor believed, was most likely what sparked the dating rumors about them.
When Sky first told him about it, Viktor was surprised: although he was already in love with Jayce, he had no idea where those rumors had come from.
At the time, he'd thought he was pretty good at hiding his feelings from those around him. And the idea that Jayce might reciprocate seemed highly unlikely.
After thinking about it for a while, Viktor realized that to an outside observer, their friendship might indeed look like... well, a couple's relationship. They often had lunch in the lab just the two of them, and when they went to the cafeteria, Jayce always sat next to him.
Jayce constantly touched him, even in public: he might put his hand on Viktor's lower back when they were walking side by side, or wrap his arm around Viktor's shoulders. They also attended all the official events they were invited to together. Moreover, Jayce posted photos of himself and Viktor almost every time they went out somewhere, which was quite often.
Viktor wasn't sure if Jayce knew about these rumors— at least, he never brought them up.
Sky, on the other hand, was sure that Jayce also had feelings for Viktor. Naturally, Viktor attempted to convince her otherwise. Yet, she seemed determined to prove him wrong. In the end, this escalated to Sky sharing her observations about Jayce with him whenever she had the opportunity.
Things like, "On Tuesday when you two were having lunch in the lab, I saw him grabbing your unfinished sandwich and eating it," "When you handed him the marker, his fingers lingered on yours," "Yesterday he looked at you in such a way when you weren't looking."
At first, Viktor thought it was all nonsense, but gradually he began to notice similar "ambiguous" things in Jayce's behavior himself. Some of them were difficult to ignore.
For example, Jayce might take his hand occasionally, or rest his head on Viktor's shoulder while watching a movie, or tickle Viktor's foot while massaging his leg. But Jayce never mentioned any of it.
What's more, there were times they stayed overnight on the lab couch when they got too caught up in their work. And every time, he woke up in Jayce's arms in the morning.
Viktor blushed, his breathing quickened, and thoughts that were anything but platonic crept into his head. And even though Jayce acted like it wasn't a big deal, he also looked a little flustered.
Over time, Viktor started to think that maybe Jayce really did have feelings for him too, yet he wasn't sure why he'd never made a move. Then again, Viktor himself was afraid to make a move, so he couldn't blame Jayce for that.
For now, Viktor just enjoyed their flirting, their time together, and what was going on between them. He knew he was going to miss his friend during the Christmas holidays, since Jayce was going to visit his mother. But they planned to call and text each other regularly.
Viktor had also prepared a Christmas present for Jayce, which he was eager to give him. He waited until there was no one left in the lab but them that evening. And, luckily for Viktor, that happened sooner than he expected. Obviously, a lot of their colleagues preferred to leave work a little earlier on the last day before the holidays.
Viktor took a box out of his bag and cleared his throat to get Jayce's attention.
"Hey, Jayce. It's the end of the day, and tomorrow the holidays begin, so... I wanted to give you my Christmas present in advance." Viktor smiled with anticipation. He was sure Jayce would like it.
Jayce looked at him excitedly. "You got me a present? Me too, wait a second." He took a box wrapped in funny Christmas paper out of his backpack. "Here! I wanted to give it to you today, before leaving." He handed the box to Viktor, beaming. "Will you open it?"
Viktor carefully tore the paper and opened the box. Inside there was a cozy-looking blue knit scarf.
"I... um... knitted it myself. For you." Jayce smiled a little shyly.
Viktor took the scarf out of the box. The corners of his lips naturally turned up into a smile, fondness spreading through his chest. "It is beautiful, Jayce. Thank you."
"I'm glad you like it."
"I didn't know you knitted." Viktor looked at him, raising an eyebrow. Over the past year, he had learned a lot about Jayce- his interests and hobbies, but this was the first time he'd heard about him knitting.
"Yes... I recently got into it." He looked away. "I wanted to make something for you with my own hands. Something meaningful and... warm."
Viktor's heart skipped a beat. "Thank you, Jayce. You're very kind. I'll enjoy wearing it." Jayce smiled heartily in response. "Now open mine. Here," Viktor said, handing him the small box.
Jayce immediately took off the lid and saw what was inside. "Oh my God! Viktor, where did you find it?"
"Well, I spent some time looking for this crystal on specialized websites and in various stores, and then it appeared at a collector's shop, so I immediately..."
"I can't believe it! I've been wanting it for ages!" Jayce was still staring at the blue stone, mesmerized.
"That's exactly why I bought it." Viktor replied, pleased with Jayce's reaction. He knew how fascinated Jayce was with crystallography and stones. And that he wanted to add this rare one to his collection.
Jayce leaned closer and gave Viktor a sudden, tight hug, still holding the box in his hand. Butterflies fluttered in Viktor's stomach.
"Thanks, Vik," Jayce murmured, still hugging him. "You're the best thing that's happened to me this past year."
The warmth of his body, the scent of his aftershave, the strength of his embrace, his words... Viktor's heart began to pound in his chest, as if trying to break free. Hugging Jayce back with one arm, he felt his face flush.
Giving in to the impulse, Viktor said, "Jayce... I think I'm in love with you."
For a heartbeat, Jayce froze. The next moment, he pulled away like Viktor's body was charged with high voltage. There was a look on Jayce's face that Viktor couldn't quite place—shock? Panic? Disappointment? Viktor wasn't sure. Everything inside him tightened, and he felt as if he were about to throw up the butterflies he'd been feeling seconds before.
"Um... Vik... but we're friends." Jayce's eyes darted around, his shoulders tense.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that... forget it." Viktor's voice came out stiffly. He could barely bring himself to look at Jayce.
"Well... I mean, I'm happy with what we have now and... I'd like to keep things as they are—on a friendly level." Jayce forced a tense smile, running his hand over the back of his neck.
Without really understanding why, Viktor decided to clarify, "I'm sorry, I just thought... eh, it seemed to me that some of your actions were... not entirely platonic in nature."
"I'm sorry if my actions misled you, but..."
Viktor felt a twinge of pain in his chest. He suddenly got angry at himself for even allowing the thought that Jayce might also be in love with him. And at Jayce for being too affectionate with him. This anger helped Viktor pull himself together.
"I got it, Jayce. Don't worry." He tried to respond with a neutral, good-natured expression. "I suggest we drop this topic and never bring it up again."
Jayce still looked visibly alarmed and confused. "Um... okay, if that's what you want..."
"Yes." Viktor managed to smile. "Are we still friends?" He held out his hand.
Jayce responded with a firm handshake without hesitation. "Yes, of course we're friends." Jayce's hand felt clammy. Although, maybe it was Viktor's.
"Well..." Leaning on his cane, he stood up from the chair. "Happy holidays," he began to gather his things into his bag, glancing at Jayce out of the corner of his eye.
Jayce still looked as if he had just been hit on the head with a shovel.
"Say hi to your mom for me." Viktor walked over to the rack and began putting on his coat. "And Merry Christmas." He was already heading for the door when he heard: "Vik! The scarf...!"
Viktor was in such a hurry to escape from the lab that he forgot about the gift he'd just received.
"Oh... yes, of course."
He returned to the desk and put the scarf in his bag.
Jayce looked a little puzzled. "Aren't you going to put it on?"
"Oh... no. Later. It's not that cold right now." Viktor shrugged, already halfway to the door. "Merry Christmas, Jayce."
"Merry—"
Viktor shut the door behind him and hurried as fast as he could to the parking lot. His head was buzzing, and his whole body seemed to refuse to obey him.
Once in the car, he finally took a deep breath, and as he exhaled, a sob escaped him. Tears streamed down both cheeks. His hands were shaking.
Viktor felt disgusted with himself—disgusted that he had dared to hope for something impossible, while knowing full well that people like Jayce don't fall in love with people like him.
He saw that the light in the laboratory window had gone out, which meant Jayce would be in the parking lot in a couple of minutes. Viktor didn't want him to see him crying in the car after being rejected. He'd had enough humiliation for one day. So he started the car and drove home.
Once he got there, he headed straight for the couch. Collapsing onto it and covering his face with his hands, Viktor gave in to the tears he'd been fighting back the entire way home. His head felt empty, and it seemed like his whole body was numb too. Like Viktor was just a hollow shell of himself. Overwhelmed by emotional turmoil, he lost track of time.
When he eventually managed to catch his breath and wiped his eyes, the moon was already up. Viktor sat up and looked into the distance at the night lights in the window.
Suddenly, he felt something heavy on his lap. It was Rio, of course. Viktor looked down at her with his swollen eyes. She was already settling down on his lap, kneading his pants with her paws.
"Oh, thank you, baby. You're always there for me, aren't you?" Viktor ran his hand through her fur—she purred contentedly, then curled up into a loaf.
How fortunate, he thought, that he and Jayce would not be seeing each other for another two weeks.
His phone vibrated on the coffee table. Viktor glanced at the screen—it was Sky. He picked up.
"Yes, Sky." He hoped his voice sounded natural.
"Viktor? Are you okay?" Apparently, it didn't.
"Uh... overall, yeah."
"You don't sound like it. Are you sick? Should I come over?"
"No, Sky. Everything's fine. It's just..."
"What happened?" She sounded concerned.
"I confessed to Jayce and... he rejected me."
"What? No way! How?"
"Um... I don't know what came over me, I wasn't going to, I just..."
"What did he say?"
"Something about us being friends and him liking things the way they are right now." Viktor kept petting Rio's head. She squeezed her eyes shut, looking delighted.
"Oh, what a jerk!"
"Sky, please. He's just..."
"No, Viktor, he acted like he was into you too! All the signs were there!"
"I think I just read too much into his... eh... displays of friendship and got the whole thing wrong." Viktor tightened his lips and shrugged.
"Yeah, and so did half the research center. Of course he likes how things are now, Viktor! You're practically inseparable, all your attention and affection belongs to him, you rush to spend time with him at a moment's notice."
"Yes, but obviously I won't be able to... endure this kind of closeness with him. At least for a while."
Sky clicked her tongue. "It's a good thing it happened before the holidays: at least you have some time to recover."
"Yeah... that's true," Viktor sighed.
"So, are you still going to be friends with him?"
"I'd like to keep our friendship, yes. But... I'm not sure things could be the same as they were, you know."
"I understand, Viktor. I think that's natural... I'm sorry, but I hope you agree that if nothing between you changes and you don't set boundaries, you won't be able to get over him."
"You're probably right, I guess. I let myself get too caught up in him, didn't I? What was I hoping for?" Viktor put his hand to his forehead, squeezing his eyes shut.
"Don't say that, Viktor. He was the one who acted... Okay. It doesn't matter anymore. Should I come over?"
"No, Sky, thank you, really. We'll see each other tomorrow at your Christmas dinner and... I'd prefer to have some time alone tonight."
"Okay. But if anything, you can always call me."
"Of course. See you tomorrow." Viktor put down the phone. He needed to change clothes and make dinner, but he felt exhausted. And Rio was sleeping on his lap.
After sitting like that for another 10 minutes, he finally picked her up.
"Sorry, Rio, I have some things to do."
She responded with a disapproving meow.
Once he had changed and washed the stickiness of the tears from his face, Viktor opened his bag. Instead of his journal, the first thing he saw was the blue scarf. He let out a disappointed huff.
Obviously, he wasn't going to wear it—now it reminded him of his heartbreak and rejection. It would be like wearing a constant, suffocating reminder of his unrequited love.
Of course, he couldn't throw it away either—that would be disrespectful to Jayce's work, and just plain rude.
Give it to someone else? That wasn't an option. Firstly, it would be impolite, and secondly, it would just be weird. "Look, my crush at work knitted me this scarf, but he rejected me, so... do you want to wear it?"
In the end, unable to decide what to do with it, Viktor threw it on the top of the coat rack in the hallway.