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D-2
Fujinaga Sakuya hates to admit it, but he thinks it's about time to admit he has a teeny-tiny crush on a friend.
Hirose Ryo was actually much more than any old ‘friend’ to the likes of Sakuya. From middle school classmates who maybe exchanged three words per year to inseparable high school friends, Ryo was somebody who had made his presence much too known in Sakuya’s heart.
Sakuya blamed it on the ways that Ryo behaved around him. He’s shy around other people, but clings to Sakuya whenever they’re together. One time, a girl in their class joked that Ryo was practicing being a ghost for the cultural festival’s haunted house because of the way he wrapped himself around Sakuya’s legs. Whenever winter rolled around, he would even insist on using his hands to warm up Sakuya’s flushed face, something that eventually became so natural that neither of them questioned it. In summer, they would sit in front of the electric fan in Ryo’s house, or get popsicles after Sakuya’s soccer games—they probably blew most of their allowance on sweets every summer. Memories from the blazing heat to the snow, both good and bad, were subtly marked by Hirose Ryo’s existence.
Now, they were freshmen, enrolled in a mid-tier university in Seoul because it had always been Ryo’s dream to live in Korea and attend events for his favourite K-pop group, NCT 127. Sakuya eventually became a fellow fan after Ryo persistently put him on their greatest hits, but he was more stoked about travelling to a new country with his best friend. Initially, he was worried about the language barrier. However, there were a lot more Japanese exchange students than he had expected. One of those students was Tokuno Yushi, an awkward guy from Tokyo who was practically Sakuya’s personal Japanese-Korean translator because he was miles better than him in the language—though he was miles behind in the social skills required to put his fluency to good use.
“Hands off.”
Yushi’s chopsticks were about to cross into Sakuya’s bowl of ramyeon, his own bowl already slurped clean without a drop of soup left. Yushi couldn’t care less about what was his or Sakuya’s as long as his stomach was the one filled at the end of the day.
“You called me here and you want me to starve.”
“You won’t starve from eating one cup.” Sakuya wasn’t fully convinced by what he said either, considering the other guy’s appetite, but it was true that he was the one who had asked to meet in the club room. “I just needed advice.”
“Hmmm… One ice cream, one piece of advice.” Yushi pointed to the vending machine in the corner of the room and giggled to himself softly like his demand was funny. What was so funny about begging for food from an underclassman? Wasn’t this borderline bullying? If Sakuya wasn’t so desperate, he wouldn’t already be pulling out his wallet for some change.
“What flavour?”
“Matcha.”
For safety measure, Sakuya slotted extra money into the machine and got two ice creams. He passed them back to Yushi who grinned. “Now, will you listen to me?”
Yushi unwrapped the first ice cream and nodded, a cue for Sakuya to start speaking.
“Valentine’s Day is coming up soon and I don’t have a damn clue how to confess to Ryo.”
“Oh, Hirose.” Yushi’s eyes seemed to widen, but he didn’t sound too shocked. Well, he was probably more surprised by Sakuya’s sudden urge to confess rather than the target of his confession. Ever since Sakuya joined the soccer team, Yushi had been his only outlet for Ryo-related drama, and more often than not, the line between friend and lover seemed to blur between the first-years' petty arguments. “Just tell him how you feel. Be yourself.”
“You make it sound so easy.”
“I don’t know, I’ve never confessed to anyone before.”
“But you’ve been confessed to a billion times!”
“Really?” Yushi’s expression didn’t change as he continued eating, but it seemed like he really had no idea that all of the guys and girls who tried to talk to him after a soccer game were after his heart. “But I’m not dating anyone, so I don’t know. Shouldn’t you just say it?”
Sakuya supposed that it was true if it was anyone but Hirose Ryo at the receiving end of this confession plan. “But, I mean, I’ve known Ryo for so long, shouldn’t I put more effort?”
Shrugging his shoulders, Yushi mumbled, honest with his words, “Wouldn’t Hirose still like the Sakuya he knows best?”
It was cryptic to Sakuya what his upperclassman’s statement could imply, but he wasn’t given the luxury to settle on them when his phone rang.
“Hello?”
“YOU’RE LATE.”
No ‘hello’ from the other end of the line, so in other words, a call from Ryo. Sakuya glanced at the clock on the wall as he began packing up his things—he was late by… one minute. “Yeah, yeah, I’ll be out in a second.”
Yushi waved goodbye to him, but his words still rang in Sakuya’s mind as he scurried to the English department building. It was a little walk away from the soccer club’s room, but manageable enough not to keep Ryo waiting any longer.
Ryo greeted him with two cold hands on his cheeks—it was almost like a slap from both sides, sandwiching his head between his palms. “Gahhh, you made me wait in this weather.”
“Sorry,” Sakuya grabbed Ryo’s hand and stuffed it in his pocket, hoping the heat pack in his jacket would warm them up. The chilly moisture in the air tickled his skin as they walked down icy pathways befitting winter. “Yushi was giving me an earful.”
“Huh? Isn’t Tokuno pretty quiet?”
Sakuya wasn’t going to reveal that the earful was the advice that he had asked for, so he quickly switched the topic. He exhaled, mist forming with his breath. “Damnit, I wish spring would come faster…"
“All of a sudden?” Ryo didn’t seem displeased by the idea, but was curious about the abrupt whim. He kept his round eyes ahead, and from Sakuya’s view (being of taller stature), Ryo’s beanie made his head look round too.
“I mean, I kinda felt bad making you wait in the snow, and I miss playing soccer on the field—Oh, we should go see the cherry blossoms this year too. I hear they’re beautiful along the Hangang River…” Sakuya instantly became talkative, rattling off things he wanted to experience during their first spring in Korea. It was almost like it was his idea to come here in the first place and not Ryo’s. Spring arriving early? Ryo was too logical a person to humour the possibility, but he laughed it off regardless.
The destination for today was a café not far from the heart of campus. Sakuya’s friend had wanted to hand him something in person, but instead of coming to campus, he had arranged the meeting to be at a nearby coffee shop. Ryo, on the other hand, was tagging along because Sakuya promised he would buy him a mango slushie before they headed back to their dorm. Sakuya wasn’t sure just how much more he could spend on other people’s food today.
When they walked in, somebody was already standing at the counter, making his order while smiling from ear to ear. No, rather than simply smiling, he was looking the barista up and down, his eyes locked onto his body’s silhouette while he turned his back to work the coffee machine. He was a handsome fellow, despite the seductive gaze he was giving the poor employee, who turned around to hand him an iced americano (even in the winter). Ah, upon seeing the barista’s face, Sakuya recognized him too. It explained why his friend had asked to meet here.
“Saku~ Over here.”
The person who waved them over, the friend that Sakuya was supposed to meet, and the same guy who was ogling at the barista was Oh Sion. He was a close upperclassman to the guys on the soccer team like himself and Yushi. However, this semester, he was focused on job searching, so he wasn’t active on the team or on campus as he was when Sakuya had initially joined the ranks. Sion always had an interest in learning the Japanese language, so he got along quite well with Sakuya, despite the age gap.
“Sion-hyung, hi, I didn’t know Maeda worked here.” Greetings were exchanged as they approached. Maeda Riku had met Sakuya a handful of times, but only ever when Sion was present. It was definitely because the two of them had a thing for each other, though Sakuya was always too afraid to ask exactly what.
“I like watching him all hard at work.” Sion wrapped a hand around the nape of Riku’s neck and played with the loop of his tight apron. Riku bit his lower lip and looked at Sion with a timid smile, as if trying not to burst out giggling from the flattery.
Ryo grimaced at the sight. Get a room, his face seemed to say, but he quickly regained his composure when he turned to Sakuya, who was looking for a drink to order. He elbowed his best friend and whispered. “What are you thinking?”
“We have a Valentine’s week special going on right now.” Riku pointed to the pretentious blackboard by the door. It was some kind of thick strawberry drink with cream cheese foam and topped with a cookie. Well, Sakuya didn’t have anything better to order and he was a fan of sweets, so he ordered one of those upon Riku’s brief promotion.
A short moment passed, and the drinks were complete.
“Oh my god, can we come back again?” Ryo’s eyes sparkled after taking a sip of the mango drink that Sakuya so generously paid for. The two slipped into an empty table by the window, looking out at the snow that blanketed the roofs of local businesses. Meanwhile, Sion had left a souvenir for Sakuya and returned to flirting with (bothering) Riku at the counter as if Sakuya and Ryo weren’t there.
“It is pretty nice here, and the drinks are seriously delicious.” Sakuya enjoyed seeing the look on Ryo’s face more than whatever he was ingesting. The latter was pretty easy to entertain, always with a bright and cheerful aura wherever he went, so it was a joy to watch him eat. Sakuya was beginning to feel a little nervous, overly conscious, and his palms were sweating even in the dead of winter. He stirred his drink with his straw, trying to come off naturally as he asked, “Um… So February 14th is coming up.”
Ryo stared blankly at him for a moment before having what seemed to be a eureka moment. He exaggeratedly snapped his fingers at Sakuya with a huge grin. “Jaehyun’s birthday?!”
“Yes—wait, no.” The date was indeed also the birthday of the NCT member, and Sakuya had learned that from all the wisdom Ryo had drilled into him, but was Jeong Jaehyun’s birthday really the first thing that came to mind? Could Ryo have no interest in romance? Sakuya wasn’t mad, but he knew he had to put the conversation right back on track and corrected him. “It’s also Valentine’s Day.”
The grin he had was immediately swept off his face. Ryo knitted his brow in confusion. “Oh, right, what about it?”
“I was wondering if you had plans.”
“Nope, buuuuuut going to a Jaehyun cupsleeve event sounds nice.” Ryo pointed to the poster on the bulletin board of the café. It seemed that they were hosting a birthday event for the idol too, and since Ryo had enjoyed that mango slushie so much, he was more than eager to find any excuse to return. He turned to Sakuya, who couldn’t look him in the eye and took to playing with his straw. “How about you?”
“I’ve got nothing… Um… So should we go to the event together?” Sakuya figured that if he was going to confess his feelings for Ryo, they might as well dilly-dally a bit first to ease his nerves.
“Oh, you don’t have plans?”
Sakuya tilted his head, puzzled. “Why would you think that?”
“I mean, Sakuya is popular, has a lot of other friends, maybe secret admirers too.”
“Ryo is my only real friend.” They literally grew up together, go to school together, see each other every day, and sleep in the same apartment. Plans with Ryo would always take priority over others, even when they were impulsively made. Sakuya couldn’t believe that Ryo was looking for reasons in places that didn’t exist.
“Sakuya is Ryo’s too.”
And Sakuya knew it was true because Ryo had always repeated those words since they became friends, an affirmation that was second nature to him. Ryo wasn’t unpopular, and his academic prowess made him an admirable guy, but he had always been glued to Sakuya, so much so that Sakuya was all he knew. It was the same for Sakuya, who only had eyes for Ryo, though Ryo never thought so.
Ryo reached out to pat Sakuya’s head, playing with his strands of blonde hair between his fingertips. “Oh, the hair oil I got you has been working!”
Having the subject changed so drastically, Sakuya only laughed, humouring Ryo’s chatter until it was time to head home, his stomach churning in fear of what was to come.
D-1
Sakuya didn’t usually seek help first, but he began to realize that preparation for Ryo’s grand confession had his pride taking multiple hits. Last time, it was advice from Yushi, and this time, he needed the expertise of Sion.
“Do you really only own plaid?”
Sion thought it was ridiculous to see the same pattern in Sakuya’s entire wardrobe—with a couple ugly graphic tees in the mix—but it was reality. Throwing around clothes haphazardly, Sion shook his head at the difference between his and Sakuya’s styles. For starters, he wore a tight black outfit that complemented his stylish physique, while Sakuya watched him in a pink plaid jacket and sweatpants.
“Can’t you lend me something to wear?”
Sion turned to face Sakuya, then back at the closet, then back at Sakuya. For a second, he considered saying ‘yes’, but instead let out a sigh. “I guess you don’t need to try too hard with your appearance. You’re already cute enough.”
“Do you think that I’m trying too hard to impress Ryo…” The younger of the two had the bangs of his hair tied back like a little sprout coming off his head, really accentuating his childlike nervousness. Usually, Sakuya was more of a stoic character, but talking about Ryo really showed his true colours as a confused child.
“I tried really hard to impress Riku too, and it worked like a charm.”
Hearing Sion mention the Japanese barista, Sakuya looked up. “Wait, so you guys are actually dating?”
“Huh? Yeah, we’re already two years in.” Sion raised an eyebrow, surprised that Sakuya hadn’t caught on, or maybe he didn’t want to notice what was happening. “What, you didn’t know?”
“Thought your behaviour was just… a cultural difference.” Sakuya shrugged. At least that answered his question from yesterday. The cultural difference thing was a lame excuse though, seeing as Riku was Japanese too. Now that he thought of it, that definitely explained Sion’s interest in learning Japanese.
Sion smirked, almost cocky. “Well, in any case, my plan to confess to Riku was foolproof.” Sakuya seemed to have a fire of curiosity in his eyes because Sion knew to continue feeding him the details. “Should I write it down? Maybe it’ll help you.”
Sakuya fervently nodded. The grace of Oh Sion was blessing him, he thought, because he didn’t need to ask and there he was scrawling notes on the perfect date plan to woo a man. His benevolent deed wouldn’t go to waste, Sakuya promised.
“Ah, Hirose Ryo! Excuse me.”
In the quiet of the campus library, a large figure stood beside Ryo. Looking up from the notes on his laptop, Ryo took off his headphones (that were playing NCT Doyoung’s solo album on repeat) and met the eyes of an older student.
Kim Daeyoung was his name, and although Ryo wasn’t entirely familiar with him, he recalled that Sakuya was in a project group with him this semester for some stupid elective that Ryo couldn’t enroll in. Ryo didn’t have any negative impressions of Daeyoung though—he was friendly and polite every time they crossed paths, even to an underclassman like himself. He greeted him back with a nod, but a perplexed look lingered in his eyes.
“I was planning to return it to Sakuya myself, but since you’re here, could you give it back to him?” He held out a pink pencil case with the letters ‘Sa-ku-ya’ written rigidly in hangul and once more in hiragana. Ryo was impressed that Daeyoung had recalled him being close with Sakuya, seeing as he trusted him to return the item in his stead (clearly he was unaware of how attached at the hip they seemed to other people).
“Oh, thanks.” Ryo received the pencil case and tucked it into his bag. He made a mental note to leave it on Sakuya’s desk once he got back.
After a productive studying session, Ryo returned to the apartment to near silence, save for the sound of the shower running. Sakuya was definitely in there, so Ryo paid no mind and slipped past their open bedroom door and delivered the pencil case back to its rightful owner. He gently placed the object on Sakuya’s desk, but there was something odd on the same surface.
Sakuya’s notebook, a spare one that Ryo had never seen being used before, was opened up to a page with Korean writing scribbled on it. First of all, Sakuya usually wrote his personal notes in Japanese as he was more fluent in it, and secondly, the title of the page said ‘Perfect Date for Ryo’, a phrase that he never thought Sakuya would ever think about. A date? Dating? Was Sakuya always interested in romance, or was it because it was Valentine’s Day? Had Ryo just never noticed, or maybe he didn’t want to notice because the image of Sakuya hand in hand with somebody other than himself made his skin crawl. But the title specifically had his name, written in hangul lettering.
A date? For Ryo? Was there another connotation to the word ‘date’ in Korean, or was it exactly what it said? Ryo had always liked Sakuya, more than a friend, but never brave enough to be the one to say the words that would turn their relationship into that of lovers. Maybe that’s why, after pining years, Ryo wasn’t sure how to feel. If he wasn’t overthinking, and those words were a reflection of Sakuya’s feelings, he didn’t know how to react knowing that all the time he spent liking him from a distance would blossom into more. He was conflicted, unsure if happy or bittersweet was the right way to describe it.
Those unrequited feelings he harboured—did Sakuya really feel the same way?
Ryo leaped into his own bed, suddenly overly conscious of having shared a room with Sakuya-who-wants-to-go-on-a-date-with-him all this time. He wasn’t going to get any sleep tonight.
D-DAY
Sakuya stared at his reflection in the café window, and while his reflection was very much still a clear image of him, he had decided to dress up specially for today. After Sion had nitpicked his collection of plaid flannel to hell and back, he generously gave in and offered to let him borrow some clothes. What Sakuya hadn’t realized was that rather than ‘some’, Oh Sion owned a lot of clothes.
Ryo had already scheduled a dentist appointment in the morning, meaning he would arrive later. Actually, he had even asked Sakuya if he wanted to come with him to the clinic since it was in the area, but once he saw Sakuya digging through shirts and slacks that were clearly not his own, he figured that he should leave him alone for now—it was already nerve-wracking enough as it was knowing that Sakuya was brewing a romantic date today.
Sakuya hated the way Sion’s clothes fit his body, creating a silhouette unlike Sion’s. The absence of colour was seriously not his taste either and lacked any personality. It was true that his upperclassman’s handsome looks carried the vibe of the outfit because Sakuya looked like a grade schooler trying on his father’s clothes to act cool or something. He had even tried to style his hair today, but the YouTube tutorial he pulled up was too complicated to follow, leaving evidence of a half-baked attempt on his head.
“You look like you’re waiting for your girlfriend or something,” a voice laughed out from behind a very focused Sakuya, who was still tidying his loose strands of hair in the window reflection. It was Ryo, leaning over his shoulder, wearing an oversized black puffer jacket and beanie as usual—Sakuya began feeling a little self-conscious that he had dressed up, but Ryo hadn’t.
“Uh, something like that.”
“Just a joke, sorry.” Ryo coughed awkwardly.
The whole café was decked out in photos and merchandise of NCT 127’s Jaehyun, the Valentine’s birthday boy that had Ryo forgetting that it was a romantic day a couple of days ago. Despite the birthday festivities, both of them were a bit too conscious of the implications of hanging out together on such a day.
“Can I get one… 99 Degrees Peachy Lemon Blast and a um… Dandelion Melon Cream Soda? And a tiramisu parfait.”
“Sorry, could you repeat that?” Riku was the one taking their orders yet again, and with the loudspeaker playing Jaehyun’s music to set the tone, it was difficult for him to hear the elaborate names of the event’s specialty drinks. Sakuya grumbled, not really wanting to say those absurd names again. He turned to Ryo for reassurance, but he was much too engrossed in those posters of Jaehyun.
“Uh, yeah, just the peachy lemon and the cream soda and the tiramisu parfait, thanks.” Sakuya turned back to Riku with an uneasy smile.
The drinks were ready in little to no time, and Sakuya returned to a table that Ryo had claimed while they were waiting. Sakuya held out the drink to Ryo with a nudge, and Ryo robotically reached out in response.
Their fingers grazed each other slightly before Ryo viciously snatched his drink from Sakuya’s hands. Sakuya wasn’t sure if he was imagining things, but Ryo was never this jumpy around him—after all, skinship had never been new in their friendship.
Not long after, Ryo had already begun comfortably eating the parfait, getting whipped cream and cocoa powder on the side of his lips. He looked up amidst his focus on the sweets, eyes upwards like a pleading dog. His gaze was met with Sakuya, holding his phone out and the camera pointing right at Ryo.
“Hmm?”
Sakuya snapped a photo, then pointed to his own lips. “You’ve got something here.”
“Huh?” Ryo wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, startled by the evidence of food on it. He pointed at Sakuya, half embarrassed, half annoyed. “What the hell? Delete that photo.”
Sakuya smiled, his mouth agape from the slight laughter bursting from it. “What, no, don’t worry, you looked pretty.”
“Oh.” Ryo parted his lips, then pressed them into a thin line devoid of emotion. “Thanks.”
The awkward reaction left a bitter taste in his mouth. Ryo would usually laugh it off or hit back harder, but instead he meekly accepted the compliment—what the hell was on his mind? Sakuya kept his eyes down on his drink, thinking to himself that maybe things would get better once the rest of the day’s agenda got started.
Ryo wasn’t particularly into movies, but he enjoyed watching them with other people in the comfort of one’s home thanks to streaming services. Sakuya was the same. Nonetheless, for some reason that Ryo couldn’t pinpoint, he was extremely adamant about taking him to see a new release in theatres.
“Let’s watch this one.” Sakuya pointed at the screen, his finger over a film poster. It was something a little moody-looking, with the genre tagged as romance underneath. Ryo wasn’t familiar with the film, but then again, what would he know about movies?
Ryo raised an eyebrow until something caught his eye. “Wait, didn’t you wanna watch this instead?” He pointed at the movie next to it, a Japanese horror film. He recalled that they had watched the trailer for it together a while back.
“Um, I’m just worried you’ll be scared—are you sure you can handle that in public?” Sakuya teased, sticking his tongue out. He was unwilling to admit that the romance film was indeed a part of Sion’s plan. Apparently, he and Riku had gone to see one and ended up dating that night. Was it really that effective? Sakuya was skeptical, but Sion was so enthusiastic when drafting the agenda that he didn’t want them to go to waste. "Can't we watch this instead?”
Ryo’s suspicions were quickly quelled by the statement—Sakuya was relieved by how lucky he was that Ryo was so positive and would never doubt him.
The movie, a romance film from America, was being shown with a set of Korean subtitles for the theatre’s audience. Ryo was diligently studying the language, but it definitely took 100% of his brain power to keep up with the film. His eyes were glued to the screen the entire duration, making sure not to miss a single word. Once the credits began rolling, he turned to his right, where Sakuya sat.
“Hey.” Ryo nudged his shoulder. Sakuya was slumped in his seat, passed out with a still full bag of popcorn in his lap. “Wake up.”
Fluttering his eyelids open, Sakuya looked around the room to people beginning to clear out. He didn’t mean to fall asleep, but halfway through the film, he was sick and tired of reading subtitles, and it was so calm that he couldn’t help but shut his eyes for just a couple of minutes… turned into 60. Maybe the romance film wasn’t a good idea, but he was hoping that at least Ryo enjoyed it. Sakuya wasn’t even awake during the emotional climax, so he had no opinions to offer as they walked out of the theatre in awkward silence.
The sun was setting quickly, and it seemed like the right time to get dinner. Sion had given Sakuya a condensed list of restaurant recommendations before they decided on one near the café.
“Hey, if you really wanna eat sashimi, we should.” Ryo pointed to the restaurant next to it, a familiar joint they had been to a few times.
Sakuya didn’t realize that his eyes were drawn to the menu at the front of the store until Ryo had pointed it out. He shook his head, saying that it was alright and that he had heard great things about the place they were gonna eat at (from Sion, though he didn’t reveal that), before entering.
However, he immediately regretted saying that, clearly unable to stomach the meal he had ordered from the way poked at it with his fork with swollen lips.
It was a pasta restaurant crossed over with a family diner—bright lights and colourful walls that gave a retro feel. Most importantly, the entire menu consisted of Western food, something Sakuya wasn’t especially knowledgeable on since he was a picky eater who tried his best to keep to his list of familiar foods. The descriptions on the menu were of no use at all, seeing as it didn’t have many photos to go off of, so he told the waiter that he would have what the table next to theirs was having. On the other hand, Ryo picked something off the front ‘recommended menu’ page for convenience.
Was the dish he chose really supposed to be that spicy? It wasn’t even bright red like you would expect from infamous spicy foods like those Buldak noodles. Clearly, the chefs were setting him up.
Ryo sighed, wondering if Sakuya could tell how pathetic he looked. “We should’ve gotten something you like, why would you try to show off like that?” He switched their plates. “Here.”
Sakuya grumbled. Well, it wasn’t like he knew the dish would be spicy anyway, but Ryo had a point. Just thinking about the sashimi they could’ve had next door really felt like a punch in the gut. He continued to eat, this time from Ryo’s order, keeping an eye on the other’s expression. It was difficult to tell if he was upset or having a good time, munching down on a meal he didn’t choose.
And now for the real moment that he had been waiting for all day. The time to tell Ryo how he felt. Sakuya wasn’t one to strictly script things out, and he knew in his mind that the words to tell Ryo how he felt were already within him. Only a short walk to the park and then he’ll spit out the words he had been dying to say all week.
They walked and walked and walked until they reached the waterfront, the beautiful panoramic view of the nighttime city lights behind them. The snow was peaceful as it cascaded from the black sky, covering up the pair’s tracks that they had left behind. Ryo quietly followed Sakuya, his own nose turning red from the cold. His breath hitched once Sakuya stopped in his tracks to turn around and face him.
This was it.
“Ryo, can I tell you something?”
‘You don’t need to ask for permission’ was what he wanted to say, but there was something that bothered Ryo all day.
Despite knowing that the events were all meant to lead up to this very moment, he didn’t feel… happy… about it. If Sakuya were to drop the statement right now, could he properly accept it? Were Sakuya’s feelings even real, or were they all fabricated like this stupid date plan he had been strung along all day? Ryo had an inkling of doubt ever since Sakuya showed up in those foreign clothes that belonged to neither of them. He didn’t know what to believe, but after following him from place to place, he began to realize that nothing felt genuine. It was a soulless date full of uncharacteristic choices lacking in any bit of that Sakuya-ness that Ryo loved. Then this confession too, was it truly Sakuya’s? He couldn’t believe he was questioning his best friend’s intentions right now. He swallowed hard before speaking up from the silence.
“Sakuya, I had fun today... But, whatever it is you have to say, I want to hear it from the real you.”
Ryo looked up to face Sakuya, and even with such a cold tone, he was still smiling.
“I…”
“I’ll go back first, don’t stay out too late, okay?”
Was Ryo hoping that Sakuya would run after him? They lived in the same apartment, so it would’ve been natural to hear the sound of footsteps heading in the same direction. Instead, the whole journey home was in utter silence. Ah, where was Sakuya to warm up these freezing hands of mine…
“Yeah, you can sleep over tonight.” Sion’s warm voice sounded through Sakuya’s phone. “But I have a guest right now, I hope you don’t mind.”
Sakuya was wondering why he would be the one minding when he was the one being all mopey and inviting himself over to Sion’s home at an inconvenient time, but when he had finally arrived at the address and saw the other guest in question…
“Yushi?”
He greeted Sakuya with a brief wave. “I guess it didn’t go well.”
“If it went well, I wouldn't be sleeping here tonight, would I?” Sakuya wasn’t one to run from his problems, but he really needed to run from Ryo—solely for tonight to sort out his thoughts and to not bring discomfort to Ryo. That date that Sion had prepared so diligently had become a disaster, and he wasn’t sure that he could face him just yet.
From the stories that Sakuya used to tell him, their fights had never gotten this bad before, so Yushi showed a bit of concern for the pair. He made room for Sakuya on the couch and listened intently.
Sakuya recounted the events of the day. How the two of them had gone to the cupsleeve event, before watching a romance movie, and getting dinner. He even made sure to mention his faults like falling asleep or picking a meal he couldn’t stomach—though he glossed over them quickly so as to not embarrass himself further. Then finally, the words Ryo had said to him before heading home. He uttered them the same way Ryo did for extra accuracy.
Yushi blinked once, twice, without speaking.
Sion hung his head down solemnly before muttering, “So, my plan was a bust…”
“Huh? Your plan?” Yushi, who hadn’t caught up with Sakuya since that time in the club room, was hearing this for the first time. He pointed at Sakuya, then looked him up and down, noticing the odd taste in clothes for the first time. “Who the hell are you supposed to be dressed like?”
“Um… Sion-hyung, I guess.”
“And the movie—whose recommendation was it?”
“Sion-hyung’s…?”
“And you wonder why Hirose didn’t believe that it was the real you trying to speak.”
It wasn’t like the gears hadn’t tried turning in his head—he definitely thought hard about what Ryo could’ve meant. Nonetheless, it was only after Yushi’s comment that the weight of his mistakes was truly felt. Sakuya parted his lips with an ‘ah’. Even Sion seemed to realize how much he misguided the kid.
“I’m sorry.”
“No, it’s fine, really. I can fix this.” Sakuya bit down on his thumb. He knew he could fix it, but how? Was the solution really as plain as it seemed?
D+1
The next morning, probably groggy from crashing on Sion’s couch, Sakuya checked the time. Ryo was definitely out of the house right now because of classes—Sakuya was certain of it since he knew his schedule to a T—so Sakuya slipped back into their apartment to get ready to face Ryo. With a fresh set of clothes from his closet, some good old flannel and jeans, he headed for campus.
“Hey.”
Sakuya waited in front of Ryo’s class, trying to catch him as he exited. Was he coming off too strong? He had no clue what the right way to do things was, but this was what his gut was telling him (and he would rather not spend another night at Sion’s with nothing but worries).
“Sakuya…”
“Um… Can we talk somewhere quiet?”
Ryo complained that it was way too cold outside, so Sakuya offered to get him a cup of hot cocoa to hold onto and hand warmers from his coat pocket. They sat side by side on a bench as students walked to and from their class. Ryo mumbled, chin tucked into his down jacket, “You didn’t come home last night.”
Sakuya leaned to his side, resting his head on Ryo’s as if it were natural. Ryo didn’t jump nor push him away. “I stayed at Sion-hyung’s place… Since we were fighting, I didn’t wanna make you uncomfortable…”
“We were fighting?” Ryo suddenly whipped his head towards Sakuya, making the latter stagger back a bit. His honest facial expressions were giving away his surprise. “I’m not mad at you or anything, so does that mean we were fighting?”
“You weren’t?”
“Hmmm… I was a little disappointed on my own… But trust me, I was just scared.” Ryo smiled, his gaze falling from Sakuya’s face to his cup, the hot cocoa's heat slowly dissipating the longer they spent outside.
Sakuya hummed in response. He was scared too—he understood just how important a moment like that was and that he had ruined it. Sakuya’s chest ached watching Ryo, who spoke so kindly about him with so much sincerity.
“I like you so much, Sakuya—I always have—so I was terrified that the words you were going to say yesterday weren't your own. I didn’t want to make myself seem like a fool if my feelings were one-sided, you know?”
Ryo had nothing to hide from Sakuya—he truthfully couldn't hate him no matter how hard he tried. No matter how wronged he felt, he knew that Sakuya wasn’t a bad person. Even just being here, listening to him ramble like this about emotions he hardly ever shared, reaffirmed Ryo’s trust.
“Wait, back up, how were you so sure that I was going to confess?” Now it was Sakuya’s turn to become shocked. Well, Sakuya had always had a hunch that Ryo liked him back, but that was along with the belief that Ryo didn’t know how Sakuya felt. Was it just the love in the air yesterday? Or…
“I saw the notebook on your desk,” Ryo whispered. The page titled ‘Perfect Date for Ryo’ that kept him up at night flashed through his mind. He slouched back into the bench, kicking his feet against the snow. “Sorry.”
Sakuya sighed, finally comprehending just how stressed Ryo was if he had known about it in advance. “No, I’m sorry—for making you uncomfortable and also for not reciprocating your feelings until now.” And a lot more things, really. Sakuya took a deep breath, lying back on the bench before turning his head to face Ryo, their eyes meeting sideways. “I like you too, Ryo. These are Fujinaga Sakuya’s true feelings.”
Ryo bumped shoulders with Sakuya the way they always did, a silent yet comfortable sign of acceptance. The smile on his face grew, the same radiant and positive one that Sakuya was sure could melt any icy day. Sakuya pushed him back with a wide grin before cupping Ryo’s flushed face in his warm hands.
On an ordinary winter’s day, that was how Fujinaga Sakuya finally said the words he wanted to say to Hirose Ryo. That friend’s familiar warmth, enough to melt all bitter memories of the snow—maybe Sakuya’s wish for an early spring came true.