Chapter Text
Chan was nervous. Way too nervous. The concert was going to start in an hour or so. The concept was a little special this time, Chan had made the decision to please the fans, revealing a part of his past for stay. I would do it for stay but mostly for his members. Chan hoped sharing his emotions with them would build stronger their bond. Sometimes he can't help but feel a bit lonely. They all had such great dynamics. Such great talents. He too had talents of course. He knew it. Or he wanted to believe it.
Truth is, Chan felt a bit lost. At first, when he integrated JYP he was à rapper. But being part of 3RACHA got him criticated because his rap wasn't as strong or rapid as Han or Changbin. Quickly, what he considered as his strength became his insecurity and he focused his skills on singing. He knew how to sing. Everyone said he sang heavenly. But he felt bad. He felt like he couldn't specialise anywhere.
He sang but didn't consider himself as a vocalist since he considered himself inferior in singing to Jeongin or Seungmin. He rapped but not as well as Changbin or Jisung. He danced but not as well as Minho. He produced but he didn't have Han's genius.
Chan felt mediocre in everything. Stay kept telling him he was doing great but he just couldn't acknowledge the facts. He told himself he needed to be a perfect leader at least. But even there he felt like failing. Sometimes the members wouldn't open to him. They wouldn't talk to him. It made him feel sad and useless. But he understood if they needed space. He gave them space. Sometimes to much. There was times where Chan would disappear in his studio for days.
Part of Chan knew why he was so insecure. He knew it but rejected the truth. It was because of his past. His love. His bleeding wounds.
He hoped letting it out while singing on stage would help. He wanted to tell the truth to his members. He wanted to be understood.
But he was scared. Sharing his feelings with them seemed dangerous and fragile. He couldn't appear as fragile and broken. He was the leader. He needed to be strong. And singing his pain didn't seem strong. He thought it would make him look weak.
It wouldn't. What Chan didn't know was that talking pain, singing pain, telling pain is as strong as it could be. The amount of courage necessary would make him shine on stage.
And the rage. The blinding rage that would sing his pain and insecurities will make him admired and powerful.
As the time of the concert was approaching, Chan went to the room to get his stage clothes. As he got into the room, chaos exploded.
Hyunjin was lying on the ground wailing like a dying pig
Changbin sat next to him looking at the lying boy like he was his midnight dessert.
Minho was sprawled across Hyunjin on the ground completely unbothered.
Seungmin was sitting on Minho with a wicked smile.
Jeongin was seated peacefully on the couch.
Felix was not so peacefully sniffing jeongin's hair like cocaïne.
Jisung had stolen the cameraman's camera and was filming it all.
God, Chan loved this. He really did. This was his daily routine.
Jeongin started whining on the couch : " Hyuuuuuuuung, stop him from sniffing me please. I can't do this anymore. I am gonna disintegrate. "
Chan laughed at the younger's desperation.
" Okay, Felix, my bro, could you please stop being addicted to jeongin's hair ?" Chan asked, laughing.
" Neverrrrrrr " Felix said with a wicked smile.
"- You should try hyung, his hair smells soooooo good."
"- Thanks but I'll pass. " answered Chan, provoking a little laugh from Changbin.
Chan then turned to Hyunjin, Minho and Seungmin who were still on the floor.
"- You should start getting prepared guys, the concert is for soon. " Chan warned.
"- Yes dad. " snickered Minho.
Chan furrowed his brows but Changbin slapped Minho 's head.
"-Show some respect to your hyung. " he ordered seriously.
Even though Changbin was actually younger than Minho, he had enough maturity and authority to back up Chan when the youngers did too much. Chan felt very grateful to him for it.
"- Sorry ... " muttered Minho while rubbing the back of his head.
Chan exhaled softly, a sincere smile displayed on his lips as he shook his head.
Soon enough, the stylists and make-up artists came in and they all started getting ready. They were all given their clothes in the dressing room. As Changbin was given an outfit that highlighted his muscles, Jisung whistled joyfully. Changbin laughed at his antics and went to the changing room. Chan who was looking from afar blushed slightly. Thinking in fact, Changbin will look insane in this outfit. Actually, he really admired the way Changbin looked so effortlessly handsome in any outfit.
As Changbin stepped out of the changing room, Chan sucked in a deep breath.
Changbin looked very good. His shirt traced so well the lines of his defined muscles everyone in the room looked at him in awe.
"-Man , you look really good. " Hyunjin said suddenly.
Changbin snapped immediately towards him and wriggled his eyebrows in that flirtatious way Changbin did so well.
As hyunjin laughed off, Chan got out of his trance, suing himself for staring. Unfortunately, Felix didn't miss the faint blush on Chan's cheeks. In a second, he was on Chan, clinging to his shoulders and maintaining him in place. Chan had a bad feeling about this. A very bad feeling.
Felix dipped his head near Chan's ear with a wicked smirk.
"- Don't think I didn't catch you staring hyung. " whispers mischievously Chan's aussie bro. Chan huffs and turns his head away to avoid looking at Felix or Changbin. But Felix doesn't stop. He never does.
"- Those muscles really are something else, don't you think ?" asks sneakily Felix.
Chan nudges playfully the latter and starts giggling at his bro's antics.
"- Felix, I must say, you all have pretty developed muscles here.
- True. Though I prefer your ass. " jokes Felix.
At this moment, the whole room, who seems to have heard what Felix just said, erupted.
"- Stray kids butt ! " Jisung screamed wildly.
"- Kangaroo butt ! " Minho screamed along.
"- Best butt. " Jeongin nodded in acknowledgement.
Chan falsely huffed in desperation with an amused smile displayed on his face.
"- You guys are insufferable. " Chan said looking at his members.
"- You love us. " countered Seungmin.
"- Do I ? " Chan responded wickedly.
The whole room held their breath.
"- Yeah I do. " finally said Chan, leaning back on his chair with a smirk, fully enjoying teasing his members. The said members giggled and huffed in false annoyance.
"- You're such a tease. " said Minho with a smile as Chan laughed wholeheartedly in response.
After a while, they were all given their outfits and went one by one to go change.
Seungmin got out in a black outfit that suited him nicely. Chan admired Seungmin's legs. They gave him this presence and handsome vibe anyone would acknowledge. And his overall face was really nice too, Chan really hoped Seungmin would grow to be more comfortable in smiling. He liked Seungmin's smile the most. It is the most beautiful thing in the world.
Hyunjin went next and came out with a grey glittery outfit. His gorgeous dark hair flowed effortlessly over his shoulders and the outfit left his well defined arms uncovered. Hyunjin stole every look effortlessly in a way Chan could only admire.
IN came out next. His fully white outfit contrasted perfectly with his dark hair separated by few white strands. What stood out the most on him was his sharp jawline and his veiny hands. Those Chan liked the most of the boy.
Han came right after Jeongin. His outfit was completed by loose jewelry. The overall vision made him look royal. Chan smiled slightly, proud of his 3RACHA maknae.
Lee Know 's outfit had this beautiful stray vibe. Chan particularly liked how Minho looked in this outfit. Even though Chan actually thought Minho looked good whatever he weared. The man being naturally stunning.
Felix stepped out, following Minho. His outfit highlighted his beautiful silhouette and his slim but muscled body. Chan was always impressed at how Felix was so strong and thin at the same time. Not mentioning that Felix was drop dead gorgeous. Chan had rarely seen anyone this angelic in his life. He low-key considered Felix 's face perfect.
Finally, Chan stepped out of the room. Everyone stopped talking. Every gaze was drawn to the leader.
The white fur coat dropped graciously to his ankles. The white pants and boots completed the pure heavenly look. Chan's make up was meticulous and delicate. It sharpened his already gorgeous looks. The fake piercings looked illegal on him. He looked good. He looked perfect. He looked powerful.
All the members jaws dropped. Not a sound was made in the room. Chan nervously smiled as he scratched the back of his neck.
"- Do I look bad ? " the leader asked nervously.
"- No !" Felix gasped, practically offended.
"- How could you not look good anyway hyung. " Minho said seriously as Chan blushed slightly.
"- No but, seriously, hyung you look awesome. " Seungmin said with a sincere smile.
"- Yeah, you look soooo great ! " exclaimed Jisung, practically jumping off the couch.
Hyunjin and Jeongin nodded seriously in acknowledgement.
"- Stay will absolutely love this. " said Changbin with a smirk.
Feeling confident, Chan took a few steps towards him and leaned a bit forward, a devilish smirk displayed on his lips.
"- Do you love it ? " Chan flirted dangerously.
Changbin sucked in a sharp breath, his cheeks slightly tinted. Which Chan considered as a personal small victory. Unfortunately, soon enough, Changbin's demenaor changed. His eyes darkened and he stared directly in Chan's eyes with conviction, fierness and something else Chan couldn't determine.
"- Yeah I do. " Changbin said breathlessly.
Chan smiled slightly in acknowledgement and backed off to let some space to the poor boy.
All the other members who were watching smirked at Chan's bold attitude.
"- You are more confident recently with us hyung. " Minho pointed.
Chan chuckled nervously. Minho was right. Maybe Chan felt more comfortable with them because of what he was about to reveal on stage.
"- Yeah, I guess i am ... " Chan answered.
"- I like it. " Minho suddenly said with a smirk, making Chan blush.
"- We like it. " barged in Jisung.
They all took a deep breath and stepped on stage. Immediately, the screams of stay greated them and the adrenaline started pumping.