Chapter Text
“And?” James asked, entirely unprompted and yet expecting Sirius to understand nonetheless.
Sirius did not.
He turned his head towards his friend as they stopped at a red light, waiting for him to elaborate. James didn’t. Once multiple beats passed and red suddenly turned green, Sirius realised that James would not finish whatever thought he seemed to have started there.
He turned his sight back on the street, clicked his tongue to let Padfoot know it was okay to cross. Padfoot walked obediently at Sirius’ side, quiet and well-behaved which allowed Sirius to wonder some more about what it was that James had wanted.
And?
And what? What could he possibly be referring to when they’d just been walking in silence previously. Exactly as they are doing now. They’d been too tired to converse all morning, Padfoot having decided that their day should start at 5am on that wonderful summer day. That absolute menace of a dog.
And yet, despite never having been an early riser, James placed that word between them and acted as though it had made perfect sense to do so. As if he wasn’t even affected by their lack of sleep after staying up late and catching up after a couple busy days apart.
Though that ‘And?’ could also be an active sign of how tired James was. Too tired to finish a started thought. Too tired to realise he’d spoken at all?
And as Sirius’ thoughts slowly began to revolve around that singular ‘And?’ he decided it was far too early to spiral yet.
So, Sirius poked the bear.
“Geez.” He exclaimed suddenly, sighing and rolling his eyes as he threw his hands in the air. Obviously, his grip on Padfoot's leash remained as secure as before. Though the same can’t be said about James’ calmness. He whipped his head towards Sirius, eyes wide with shock before a crease formed between his eyebrows. A subtle hint of what the fuck in his deep brown eyes. James has about zero clues on what Sirius could possibly be so agitated over.
“Alright, alright, I’ll bloody bite,” Sirius declared in utter defeat, turning to face James as they made it to the other side of the road and turned left, heading towards their destination, “What’d you ask me ‘bout?”
James hummed, finally understanding that the end of the world wasn’t close-by. Sirius was simply as dramatic as he always had been. He set his eyes back on the path ahead, walked alongside his friend who still had his eyes set on him.
“Was just thinking ‘bout your dogsitter issue,” James finally admits, causing a rather violent sting to lodge itself in Sirius’ chest. The mere thought of his last dogsitter still made him gnaw his bottom lip until it’d bleed. “Fired the old one, right? But now?” James wondered and Sirius could see him picking at his nailbeds. Shit, he’s seriously anxious.
“If you can’t find one in time,” James starts once more, he picks and picks and picks at his nailbeds. Sirius keeps his eyes trained on his best friend, who only rarely is as anxious as today. The already existing sting in his chest is set on fire when he watches James open and close his mouth, struggling to find the words.
“Will you not come with me to pick up my puppy?” Ah.
The roadtrip that the both of them had planned in order to pick James’ new puppy up. It was a couple hours drive and James was anxious to do it on his own, having asked Sirius months ago if he’d come with him.
After everything that had happened recently, it had completely slipped his mind. And for a moment, he considered telling James Sorry, mate, can’t make it. But then he caught sight of James picking at his nailbeds again, red, inflamed and seconds from bleeding. Sirius looked up at his friend, met with the sight of James staring right ahead with his lower lip worried beneath his teeth and a crease between his eyebrows.
A thorny, painful ache reached up and beyond in order to cloud whatever path it could find. His lungs. His throat. Leaving him choked with an urge to be sick all over the pavement. An unbearable amount of guilt had settled itself deep beneath his skin and it was digging its way straight into his heart.
“Jamie.” Sirius suddenly said determinedly, leaning forward to get himself into James’ line of sight. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” and their eyes met the very second he’d finished his sentence.
It took James a handful of seconds before the meaning of Sirius’ words finally settled in, his face eventually lighting up as it usually does. The way it always should be. A shit eating grin spread across his lips as it turned into an all-teeth-smile rather quickly. James threw his arm around Sirius’ shoulder and pulled him into his side, hand coming up to ruffle the black mane that Sirius hadn’t paid any attention to that particular morning.
“Argh, James!” He swore, pulling and pushing to get away, “you’re totally ruining my-”
“Hair?” James interrupted, his laugh originating from the top of his lungs. Loud, clear and bright as ever. “As if! You haven’t even brushed it today! Liar!” James barked happily, causing a smile to settle on Sirius’ face as well.
The commotion between the two, as Sirius tried his best to free himself out of his friend's headlock, caused many heads to turn. A couple of scowls here and there, followed by many more glares when Padfoot suddenly joined in on the fun and jumped up at them, barking his own set of laughter.
──────── ˙ ࿔ ⋆ ✮ ⋆ ࿔ ˙ ────────
Originally, they would have arrived at the pet shop after approximately 10 minutes of walking. Though with their little incident of basically wrestling each other to the ground in the middle of the sidewalk and having to calm down an overly excited gigantic dog, it had turned into a little more than just that.
Though, finally, after shushing Padfoot and feeding him a bunch of treats from Sirius’ pouch and therefore bribing him to quiet down, they managed to move on. They walked the last couple of feet, still grinning broadly like a pack of idiots, arriving mere minutes after the shop had opened.
As they approached the store, they saw a worker organising the outside layout and placing down a couple dog beds. They wiped sweat off of their forehead, mumbled for fucks sake before tying their blonde locs back into a ponytail.
Christ, Sirius thought as he watched the guys’ biceps glisten in the sun. If all workers here looked that good, he might just have to turn this shop into his usual go-to for Padfoot.
“Morning!” James greeted with a grin, unaware of the shock Sirius was currently experiencing.
“Good morning!” The worker called back, turning to face them and placing a smile that screamed customer service on his face. Then, his eyes landed on Padfoot who was approaching the store alongside Sirius. Quickly, his smile turned more sincere as he greeted the dog, waving and speaking softly, well, hello there big guy.
Sirius’ lipcorners pulled upwards as he spoke, “Is he allowed in?” He asked, pointing at the entrance. The policies in these pet stores were always so differencing, he couldn’t be bothered to look it up anymore.
The worker looked back up, meeting Sirius’ eyes and answered with a nod, “For sure, just go right in. The register should be ready by now anyway,”
James and Sirius thanked him, stepped inside, away from the scorching sun and right into the cool breeze that hit them upon entry. Both sighing utterly content and staying there for a moment before they got their feet moving again.
“Alright,” Sirius started, taking the first step which encouraged their little group to follow right after him. He made his way deeper into the store. “What were we looking for again?” He turned to James, who was basically the reason why they’d even come here.
James pulled out a list from his back pocket, folded it open and then read it aloud.
“A leash, more collars and a variation of different treats. And if we find any, which I think we will, some toys. Sure, I’ve got some but-” James started walking, suddenly taking the lead. He stared ahead as he tried to find one of the things he’d listed. Clearly a little lost in the unfamiliar store if his puzzled look and disoriented head turning was anything to go by. Though, a clear determination set on his face, “I definitely need more toys than what I’ve got so far.”
Padfoot and Sirius followed right after, helping James out whenever he had a question.
No, this one's better or Wait, I saw something good over there and That’s fucking class, that.
Together they made their way through the leashes and collars, even engraving one with James’ phone number on the back. Though, when it came to treats, both stood in front of the shelf and merely stared at it.
“Which ones are Padfoot’s favourite?” James asked, sounding a little baffled as his eyes travelled the immense length of the shelf. Sirius in turn simply shook his head, pointing a finger down at Padfoot.
“Wrong dog, mate. With his medical history, you’d be better off asking one of those vegan dogs for help. He’s also painfully picky, so.” He replied with a shrug, watching as Padfoot sat there and stared up at the pair. He titled his head in question, as though he didn’t understand a single word. Which he didn’t. He’s a dog.
Absently, Sirius remembered the time he’d fed Padfoot cat food when he’d freshly got him because he’d run out of options and how he’d absolutely loved that godawful shit.
As Padfoot’s taste wasn’t to be counted on, James and Sirius started inspecting a bunch of different treats. They read the ingredients, placed them back and picked another one up. Though, James couldn’t get himself to settle on one and so the entire ordeal felt as though they’d wasted an entire lifetime on it. Eventually Padfoot settled on the floor, paws crossed and head resting on top. He seemed to know as well as Sirius that this might take another while.
And so, when Sirius spotted a worker sorting inventory into a shelf nearby, he decided to recruit some backup.
“Excuse me?” He called out, exactly at the same time as she turned around with a sweet and kind smile on her face. Though, when Sirius saw her, he couldn’t help but think that she resembled the previous worker a lot. Possibly they were related in some way.
Her entire presence could only be described as ethereal as she made her way over to them. Her long skirt gave the impression as though she were floating. Golden jewelry and wooden beads hung in her blonde, almost white, locs. Spiral patterns could be found all over her person, in her jewellery, her make-up and on her skirt. And though the bright green shirt with the shop's logo didn’t fit into her apparent aesthetic, Sirius still respected her way of self-expression. Especially when he heard the sound of her bracelets clinking as she walked.
“May I be of help somehow?” She asked, a kind tone that simply seemed like her personality and not a customer service facade. Her eyes flew from James, to Sirius and then Padfoot, which was when her smile grew even wider and Sirius watched her mouth a greeting.
“Yeah, so, my mate here’s,” He pointed at James, “he’s getting a puppy this weekend. We thought we’d get him some treats before he arrives but- well-” Sirius turned to the shelves, full of all kinds of treats, “we’re a bit overwhelmed, in all honesty.”
Ms. Rosier, as her nametag read, smiled widely at the mention of a puppy and followed Sirius’ line of sight when he stared at the shelf. She grimaced, followed by a hum and then pulled out what seemed to be a work phone. She explained as she pressed some buttons on it, most likely typing in a phone number.
“All in all, Personally, I’m more expertised in the cats department,” She looked up at the pair as her smile remained the same. She pressed a final button and held the phone to her ear as she continued speaking, looking at James and then Sirius. Somewhere in the back of the store, a phone started ringing.
“But,” Ms. Rosier said pointedly, “Fear not, we have a dog expert working today and he’s genuinely like a dog- Rem!” She suddenly interrupted herself, “I’ve got some customers here. Asking for advice on dog treats? Could you come and advise them please?” She asked, staring off towards the back of the store from where the ringing had initially come.
“Mhm, alright,” She nodded, holding one of her locs between her thumb and index. Again, she nodded and then flicked her loc over her shoulder. Her face lit up once more before she spoke again “Great! Thank you, Rem,” And with that, she hung up and pocketed the phone, turning towards the clueless pair. “He’ll come over in just a couple of seconds, just wait here, okay?” She ordered as she made her way back to her previous station as both James and Sirius shouted thank you her way.
There they stood, waiting and no longer wanting to read any more treat packaging. Though, as soon as Ms. Rosier was gone, Padfoot’s head suddenly shot up. He held his nose high up in the air and then stood from where he’d been napping previously. Sirius chuckled at the sight, never truly having understood the antics of his sweet boy.
“You the ones looking for dog treats, I assume?” A voice sounded, James jumping to answer as Sirius turned his head from looking at Padfoot, who was staring up at the worker, to also look up.
“Yes! I’m getting a puppy but I’m not sure what treats I should get..” James explained a little anxiously, trailing off. Sirius was more than content about not having to speak because holy shit.
Oh, those eyes.
This store felt more and more like a catwalk than a pet shop at this point. As soon as he’d looked up, he’d been met with light amber eyes, a colour so uncommon, Sirius didn’t even know it existed as an eye colour at all. Mr. Lupin’s skin was on the darker side, scattered with scars all over. A particularly interesting one spread from across his nosebridge all the way to his left ear, just barely missing his eye. And Sirius had to keep himself focused to not stare too much, not wanting to come across as rude. He averted his eyes in Padfoot’s direction.
“Mhm,” Mr. Lupin said, looking at the shelf and then down at Padfoot, who seemed overly excited as he stared up at Mr. Lupin. Sirius pulled him back by the leash, placing him between his legs so as to not come across as a bad dog owner. Padfoot barked a playful little sound, as he always did when he met someone new. Though Sirius felt as though today Padfoot seemed particularly excited with his immense fixation on the new addition to their group.
“Sorry, he’s just super friendly,” Sirius laughed awkwardly, trying to take attention away from Pads and then turned to James, “So, yeah,” He cleaned his throat, “We were looking for treats, right Jamie?”
“So you’ve said, yes,” Mr. Lupin replied with a barely contained smile, staring at the shelf and seemingly scanning it for something. “Don’t worry about your dog, Newfoundlands are just naturally affectionate. I don’t mind,” As Sirius stared in bewilderment at the man being able to name one of the breeds that were mixed into Padfoot’s heritage, Mr. Lupin took a couple of treats out of the shelf and held them out to James.
As he spoke, he held up each package individually.
“These are very popular with younger pups. They enjoy something to chew on and it keeps them busy too, you know? Though, make sure not to give too many, alright? Don’t want the little guy to chip a tooth,” He explained, voice even and educated, each word falling so easily as though he’d rehearsed this for years. Either that or Ms. Rosier was right and this guy was an expert.
“These here,” He started anew as Padfoot slowly made his way from in between Sirius’ legs over to Mr. Lupin, who already had a hand stretched out for Padfoot to sniff. Though, he didn’t let himself get distracted from his task and continued explaining.
“Are more for training, outside walks and everything else that should go quickly, right? They’re not that picky when they’re young so it’s good to introduce them to many different things and have them get used to a variation. That way you’ll struggle less later when they’re older. So, make sure to switch it up, alright?” Mr. Lupin searched James’ face for confirmation. James nodded eagerly as he agreed to take them all, rushing to say it as though they were running low on stock.
Which, they certainly weren’t judging by the fully stacked shelves right there.
Mr. Lupin’s hand had found itself nestled beneath Padfoot’s chin in the meantime, scratching his favourite spot. Sirius watched as he caused Padfoot to melt into a puddle while giving James some more treats which were full of ‘important vitamins’ and whatnot.
Once James had placed the treats in his basket alongside all the other things they’d gotten, Mr. Lupin turned his attention entirely onto Padfoot. His second hand joined in petting Padfoot and Sirius watched as a soft smile grew on his face.
“What’s his name?” He asked, meeting Sirius’ eyes, startling him and therefore pulling him out of his own head.
“Padfoot!” Cringing at his own volume, he cleared his throat and continued a little quieter, “Or- uhm- Pads, actually, but only when he’s not being an absolute menace.” Sirius then stepped closer and watched the employee carefully. “I actually didn't know he was a Newfoundland, since he was a rescue and all I ever got was ‘he’s a mix’.” Sirius explained, his imitation high-pitched and mocking. Mr. Lupin’s mouth corners twitched into a stronger smile and Sirius counted it as an immediate win.
“How were you able to tell, though?” Sirius fought the urge of stepping closer, fearful of overstepping or imposing. “Are there any other breeds you see in him?”
Mr. Lupin chuckled and nodded, pulling his hand away after patting the dog's head one last time. Padfoot chased after it with a pathetic whine.
“Newfoundland is probably the strongest gene,” He straightened up as he spoke, “but there’s definitely some Labrador and Russian Terrier in there too,” None of the names really rang a bell when Sirius heard them and yet it meant the world to be able to finally know what breeds his dog belonged to, even if it would just be to pull up their wikipedia page at home.
“Lupin!” Yet another voice called when Sirius opened his mouth to thank him for his help. All three of them turned to face the man standing behind them. And even this worker fit perfectly into the stereotype of every worker here being unreasonably attractive. Sirius wasn’t 100% they weren’t being recorded for a TV-Series or an insanely stupid youtube prank video right now.
He wore a wide grin and a strand of green hair laid messily in his unorganised hair. He’d smudged his eyeliner and wore a bunch of black jewellery that covered his neck, wrists, fingers and ears.
When the trio had turned, a low whistle sounded from Mr. Crouch’s mouth as his eyes roamed Sirius and James, though it died abruptly when he seemingly made eye contact with Mr. Lupin. He mouthed What? As he shrugged and then pointed with his finger behind himself.
“Cover the till for me, would ya?” He asked, teeth bared in a grin, “Please?” was added when Mr. Lupin didn’t reply, the e being exaggerated until Sirius could hear a sigh from beside him. Resignment.
Mr. Lupin stepped forward, asked James and Sirius if they had any other questions and when both denied, he started walking towards the till, wishing them a good day. Mr. Crouch walked at his side, a slight bit shorter than the other and was chattering away happily. Sirius watched them until they turned a corner.
“Might just be me, but,” James started, looking around, checking if anyone was close-by to hear them, “how come everyone that works here is painfully good-looking?” he whispered, causing Sirius to nod in agreement.
“It’s as though it’s a job requirement,” Sirius whispered in response as he turned to face his friend who nodded enthusiastically. Padfoot on the other hand was still staring at the corner Mr. Lupin has disappeared behind.
They stood there unmoving until they realised just how stupid they must’ve looked. They immediately moved on. After all, they hadn’t checked everything off of James’ list yet.
──────── ˙ ࿔ ⋆ ✮ ⋆ ࿔ ˙ ────────
As Sirius and James finally approached the till, Sirius noticed Mr. Lupin sitting there as he flipped through some sort of magazine. Once James started placing his items down, Mr. Lupin looked up at the pair. That polite customer smile found its way onto his lips as he grabbed the first couple of items and scanned them. Sirius bagged them up once they’d been through.
“Found everything well, then?” Mr. Lupin asked, tapping something on his screen as he checked the price of one of the toys, nodded and then handed it over to Sirius.
“Yeah,” James replied cheerily, placing the snacks down last and then helping Sirius pack it all up. Mr. Lupin was still going through the thousands of toys that James had picked out. Seems as though the process of scanning those was a little more complicated than other items. “This shop’s way bigger than the one close to Sirius’ place, right mate?” James added, shoulder bumping his friend and urging him to reply. Sirius simply nodded, eyes fixated on watching Mr. Lupin work.
If only he could get another good glance at those eyes of his, just to confirm he hadn’t hallucinated the colour.
“Well, it’s not huge but we do have a lot of stuff,” Mr. Lupin replied casually as he checked over a carrot toy that James had been particularly excited about getting. Mr. Lupin turned it over a couple of times, a crease forming between his eyebrows as whatever he seemed to be searching for wasn’t there.
“It’s got no tag on it, I’ll have to ring my mate real quick. Sorry.” He placed down the toy, pressed a couple buttons and squeezed the phone between his shoulder and ear as he continued working, waiting for someone to pick up.
“Oh, I can just look for another-” James offered, already taking a step in the toy section direction.
“S’alright, mate. Don’t worry, this’ll be quick.” Mr. Lupin interrupted and shot James a quick smile.
He didn’t seem to be in a hurry and certainly not chucking items at an inhumane speed towards James and Sirius as some other cashiers these days would. There wasn’t anyone standing in line either and maybe that’s where his calmness originated from.
“Evan, that you?” He asked into the phone, scanning no more items and taking the phone into his hand. With the other hand, he picked the carrot toy back up and placed it down in front of him. “Help me out quickly, will you? After all I’m covering till for your boyfriend right now,” Mr. Lupin chuckled and then proceeded to explain what toy he was holding and that he needed its price or article number. Once James and Sirius had packed everything apart from the carrot up, Mr. Lupin was still talking on the phone.
A bit bored, Sirius took a look around the place and noticed a pinwall just to his right. He stepped a little closer, full of curiosity about the advertisements on it. He let his eyes wander across it all and then read the title which was written in a beautiful pink cursive handwriting.
For Services, Sellers & Buyers !!
Then he roamed the board some more. Someone offering tutoring lessons, another selling his schoolbooks, a couple of apartments, CD’s & Vinyls, a cleaning service and-
He’d almost missed it.
Almost glanced right over it.
Though, when he caught sight of the attached picture, his attention didn’t budge anymore. This wasn’t just any picture.
It was amber eyes illuminated by the golden hour. A laugh caught in the moment, pearly white teeth on display, canines visible and sharp. It was Mr. Lupin, sat in a coffee shop with a casual sweater, right after an awfully good joke. A candid shot and the best damn one that Sirius had ever been allowed to witness.
Upon closer inspection, Sirius noticed the smile he wore so openly was slightly crooked. A scar that cut through his upper lip caused it to be uneven, uncommon, disfigured, weird and... simply… perfect. Sirius couldn’t get himself to believe anything other than just that. It’s perfect.
He stared at the picture for a while, scanning it up and down and left to right. It was entirely fascinating and mesmerising at the same time. It held his attention until he realised the presence of a handwritten text right next to it.
Dogsitting Service
I’ve been dogsitting for the majority of my life and love dogs with the entirety of my heart (if not more). They’re not called man’s best friend for nothing after all.
I can handle small, medium and large dogs perfectly fine and do not mind doing housesitting for a weekend if you plan to have a small holiday! I work in a pet-shop part time so I’m not constantly available but will try my best to accommodate you!
I would love to meet you and take care of your furry friend.
xxx - xxx- xxx
Kind regards, Remus Lupin
“Holy shit,” Sirius whispered, staring at the paper and then over at Mr. Lupin. He was currently ringing up James’ total price as James held his card against the reader.
This was perfect. Mr. Lupin had gotten along with Padfoot right away. Padfoot was still excitedly staring up at Mr. Lupin. Sirius would have to drive off to that roadtrip alongside James this weekend and there was no chance of finding, meeting with and credentials checking another dogsitter. This was his chance at getting a decent dogsitter.
“Did you need your re-”
“You dogsit?” Sirius cut him off, pointing at the pinwall and specifically at Mr. Lupin's picture on it. He watched as those amber eyes settled on him. Mr. Lupin held the printed receipt in his hand, staring at Sirius as though he was trying to figure out what to say even though there was obviously only one possible answer.
James was looking back and forth between them, narrowing his eyes to try and read the paper on the pinwall. He probably couldn’t see it though, he hasn’t updated his prescription since he got his first pair of glasses at the age of 11.
“Uhm,” Mr. Lupin started, recovering from his initial shock and handing James the receipt without actually waiting for an answer whether he wanted it or not. “Sorry, that was- well- I’m a little taken aback.” Mr. Lupin laughed briefly, a huff of a laugh. His hand ran through his hair, “Didn’t exactly expect you to- Yes, I do. I dogsit.” Mr. Lupin’s’ gaze fell to Padfoot and then went back up to meet Sirius’.
“You free this weekend?” Sirius turned back to the paper on the pinwall. Do not mind doing housesitting, he’d written. It would be perfect. Fate would be playing right into his hands.
Oh, please, dear heavens.
“Please tell me you’re free this weekend,” Sirius added a little more desperately when no answer came, staring at Mr. Lupin. His heart raced in anticipation, incredibly nervous about this slipping through his finger when it was this close.
As the silence stretched, Sirius felt the tension in his body grow. A tortuous feeling that made him feel as though his life were on the line.
“I am, actually,” Mr. Lupin answered finally and Sirius’ head whipped towards James instantly, both grinning stupidly wide. Their roadtrip wasn’t a mere promise anymore, it was being chiseled into stone as they spoke. “My number’s right on there,” Mr. Lupin said, pointing at the ad of his own service as another customer placed their things down in front of him. “Save it and text me the details, alright?” And though he asked, there was no space to argue as he greeted the next person and left James and Sirius to themselves.
Sirius saved Remus Lupin’s number as Padfoot’s wagging tail smacked against his legs and James made sure to grab all the bags.
“If that wasn’t a fucking success, I don’t know what could be,” James said as they walked out of the slide door, Sirius grinning from ear to ear. Padfoot walks alongside Sirius, receiving a treat from Sirius’ pocket. One of his favourites.
Sirius was excited to have found a potential dogsitter, knowing there was still a bunch of questions he had to ask Mr. Lupin (or should he be calling him Remus now?). Anxiety still bubbled beneath his skin and turned his blood boiling hot, and yet.
Yet, he also found some calmness in the fact he’d be seeing those eyes again. Though, maybe, that’s something he’d better keep to himself.
──────── ˙ ࿔ ⋆ ✮ ⋆ ࿔ ˙ ────────
Sirius stepped into his home, kicked his shoes off and threw them against some random wall. It was about 7pm and Sirius had spent far too long standing up, walking around and shopping for whatever had been left on James’ list.
For a man constantly so unprepared, he sure did plan this one out.
Sirius sighed heavily as he collapsed from exhaustion, dropping himself down on his couch without even taking off his jacket or hanging up his bag. The couch cushion lay in the nape of his neck as Sirius stared up at his own ceiling and wondered what had possibly possessed him to stay out on his feet for this long.
He’s not entirely sure there were even still feet attached to his legs anymore. Numb from all the exercise, he groaned when he felt his phone vibrate in the pocket of his jacket, annoyed that he’d have to move to pick it out.
buzz
buzz
bu-
“Coming, coming- Christ,” Sirius muttered into the empty house, Padfoot looking up from where he’d found a comfortable spot on the carpet right in front of the couch. He seemed about as exhausted as Sirius felt, which made Sirius rather content because dealing with an hyperactive Padfoot at 7pm was not something he was ready to do tonight.
As he finally managed to fish his phone out of his pocket, the screen's brightness was set so high that he had to squint before being able to read whatever message had just come through. Though, when he finally did manage, he wasn’t exactly surprised to find. out that they’d been from James.
Right. He’d almost forgotten after everything that had happened afterwards. Though, he wouldn’t thank James for reminding him, not after what he’d made him go through.
Instead, he gave the message a thumbs up and then proceeded to open a new chat with the number he’d saved in his phone under Dogsitter Remus Lupin. A brief memory of their eyes meeting crossed his mind, a fleeting moment of seeing those amber eyes directly before him once more. Though, his mind couldn’t do the real thing any justice.
Sirius typed out an opening message instead of pondering any more on that.
And then he deleted it.
He wrote it anew.
Wrong. That’s not it. Again.
He started once more-
Good evenin-
Scratch that. That’s horrendous. Who starts a text message like that?
Mr. Lupin, I’m texting due-
Delete. Delete. Delete.
He inhaled sharply and bit down on his inner cheek. He’s pretty sure that Padfoot could do better than him and the dog didn’t even have thumbs to text with.
Padfoot. Sirius thought and looked up from his phone screen to be met with the sight of his dog dozing off in the middle of the carpet. He’d thrown himself onto his side, legs stretched out and deep asleep with his head on the carpet. One of his paw-pads were visible from where Sirius was sitting and he couldn’t help the little coo at the sight of them. He truly did love Pads’ paws. Soft snores rang through the room as Padfoot’s slumber deepened only.
Sirius pulled his phone forward, snapped a picture and then added a message right beneath it.
Dogsitter Remus Lupin
Today 8:12 PM
he’s super chill, pinky promise
he’s more fluff than big scary dog, like serious just a gentle giant
would be great if you could dogsit him this weekend..?
well, that’s a chill dog if i’ve ever seen one
and yes, of course
great!
and also stay in the guest room, please?
i don’t like the thought of him being alone while i’m gone
mhm, i can do that
i actually don’t have any shifts this weekend, so that works out really well
as for my prices btw, i charge £17 an hour
though when i housesit it’s £350 a day, does that work for you?
it’s perfect!!!
thank you so much
oh and please let me know about any weird rituals padfoot has
it’s super important to uphold their routine
has he got any allergies?
about that
uhm
actually, i’ll leave friday at about 9pm
do you mind coming over early so i can show and tell you about everything
maybe 7pm?
It took him longer to reply this time, leaving more than enough place for Sirius’ anxiety to spike. He imagines he’s acting like one of those overbearing dog parents, controlling, annoying and generally a pain to be around.
And yet, he’s well aware that after everything, he truly needs to make sure things go smoothly unlike last time.
His eyes flicker up to Padfoot for a moment, heart heavy with guilt as it is so many times these days. Quietly waiting for a response from Remus, he watches as Padfoot’s chest rises and falls with each breath he takes. Each steady breath. Sirius takes one each time Padfoot does, calming his racing chest.
With that, he closed the chat and placed his phone down on the cushion next to him. He took a deep breath and then brought himself up to his own feet again, still aching from the day he had. One look around the apartment told him he’d have to clean a bit before Mr. Lupin (or Remus?) would come over in two days. Though today wasn’t that day.
He whistled to get Padfoot’s attention as he moved into the kitchen, listening as his dog stood from his brief nap and trotted after him. He doesn’t remember when or how it happened but at one point he’d accidentally trained Padfoot to rise at the sound of a whistle. He took it in a stride.
He grabbed a bit of raw beef, kibble, some blended veggies and Padfoot’s vitamins. A bunch of things his vet had prescribed to keep his health up and running. Sirius mixed it up, measurements and ingredients engraved in his mind after having Padfoot for all these years. The familiar smell settled in the kitchen, calling Padfoot’s attention and causing him to stand close by and watch Sirius’ every move.
In comparison to most nights in which Sirius would chatter about his day and Padfoot would answer him in yowls and yips, this one was quiet and peaceful. Neither of them felt the need to make a sound.
Once done, Sirius placed the bowl in its designated spot and sat down at the dining table himself. He waited and watched as Padfoot finished it all, licking the bowl clean. Once he’d had some water and seemed ready to lie down, Sirius called him over. As he always did after a meal, Sirius checked Padfoot’s eyes for any redness, his ears for any rash, his nose and breathing, his muzzle for any swelling and the colour of his tongue before letting him go. He sent him to lie down, whether in his kennel, his bed or on the carpet, Sirius didn’t mind.
Sirius stayed at the dining table, watching Padfoot settle on the carpet and lie down the exact same way he did earlier. From there on out, Sirius watched. Quiet. Unmoving.
No music. No radio. No phone.
The apartment was as quiet as it could be, Padfoot’s soft snores the only sound that reached Sirius’ ears. He kept his eyes trained on his furry friend and watched his chest rise and fall rhythmically. There was the occasional leg kick that sped Sirius’ heart up and he almost leapt out of his chair. Though, he quickly realised it wasn’t a full body spasm. It was simply his sweet boy dreaming peacefully. Good.
After an entire hour of never taking his eyes off of Padfoot, Sirius decided he was safe. It was okay.
Even breathing. No swelling. No tremors.
It’s okay, he told himself, slowly standing up and moving down the hall. He dragged his feet and leaned against the wall for some halt.
He’s fine, he reminded himself as he crawled into bed, still dressed in his outside clothes, too exhausted to even realise or truly care.
He’s okay, Sirius thought as he drifted off to sleep. His heart racing, lodged high in his throat and eyebrows scrunched up in worry. His mouth felt dry though he couldn’t bring up the energy to grab the bottle of water on his nightstand. He drifted off without a sip
And as any other night, Sirius couldn’t rest peacefully at all.
In the middle of the night, he woke drenched in his own sweat. His previous nightmare, vivid and far too real. A memory of another day. A terror that was mere recollection of what his life once had been.
He raced down the hall immediately, knocking into walls and furniture. His eyes barely open, mind half-awake. Though, when he saw Padfoot deep asleep on the carpet by the couch, he took a deep breath and settled on the couch.
His eyes remained on Padfoot until they fell close all on their own.
Whenever he woke with another shock, Sirius would repeat the pattern. He’d stare until he couldn’t anymore. No doubt, he barely got any rest that night.
──────── ˙ ࿔ ⋆ ✮ ⋆ ࿔ ˙ ────────
On Friday Padfoot had once again chosen the ungodly hour of 6am to rise. Though, Sirius had been up for a while already due not having been able to get a lot of sleep. It was still an ungodly hour to have a gigantic dog rise and soon turn hyperactive. At least he’d been able to get some more hours of sleep yesterday, when Padfoot had insisted on sleeping in Sirius’ bed.
Before Padfoot had woken, Sirius had managed to write down about half of the things he had to stock up on for the weekend. Now however, Padfoot trotted up to him, yawning and stretching before he placed his head on Sirius’ lap and stared up at him.
“Morning, Pads,” He ran his hand through the dog's fur, smiling down at him and earning nothing but a lovely stare in return. Huge dark eyes that held nothing but pure and unconditional love.
His phone buzzed on the table and he took his hand away from Padfoot to check it.
Liar.
But anything to keep James from worrying, right?
Sirius smiled as he stood, Padfoot right behind him. He made his way to the garden door and opened it, allowing Padfoot to go outside. It’s usually why he gets up so early anyway.
Another message came through as he sat down in one of the lawn chairs he’s got, watching Padfoot go around and sniff the plants as though it’s the first time he’s out here. (It’s not. He’s had the same garden for good five years now).
──────── ˙ ࿔ ⋆ ✮ ⋆ ࿔ ˙ ────────
Sirius didn’t kill James after all. Mostly because he’d had a coffee and a croissant ready for Sirius when he got into his car alongside Padfoot. And once Sirius grabbed those two, he’d pretty much forgotten that he’d planned on killing James at all.
Now, Sirius sat at home and waited for Remus Lupin to turn up. He’d forgotten all about his death threats towards James as anxiety bubbled up in his stomach.
Sure, Sirius has always been sociable. He’d never miss the chance to make a new friend, talk to a stranger, or be a social butterfly. He shouldn’t feel anxious right now. He should be excited to meet a new soul, right?
Though today felt different. This wasn’t only about being sociable. It wasn’t just for fun. It wasn’t merely about being friendly and likeable. This was making sure Padfoot would be in good hands for the next two days. This was about making sure Padfoot would be healthy, comfortable and safe.
Sirius reached for his phone, trying to distract himself. Though, the doorbell rang and he halted immediately with his hand in his back pocket. He stared at the door as if it were about to be kicked down any second now. Padfoot’s head shot up from where he’d been resting, a quick glance at the door and then stared at Sirius. Unlike other times, he didn’t bark and yowl as though the world was ending and Sirius was more than grateful about that.
So, Sirius stood, wiping his palms on his thighs. He turned to look at Padfoot and remind himself of who he was doing this for. That it was okay. It would be just fine.
It’ll be okay, he told himself once more as he stepped towards the door.
Even Regulus had signed off on this and that means something alright. Sirius knows he can trust his brother's taste in people.
Sirius’ hand landed on the door handle with one last deep steadying breath that didn’t help with his racing heart and nervousness at all, and he slowly opened up the door. Padfoot stood and trotted over to the door just as it finally opened to reveal the other side.
Remus turned around at the sound of the door, stopping his admiration from whatever it was he’d been staring at while waiting. A small smile crept onto his face, more polite than truly genuine, and he held out a hand to Sirius.
“Remus Lupin, we met at the shop and you texted me? Wasn’t sure if you’d remember my face,” He explained clumsily as Sirius took his hand, nodding as he did so. A small smile tugged at his lips as he thought, how could I forget? How could I ever forget those eyes of yours.
Especially now that they were highlighted by that longsleeved red polo shirt, messy curls hanging low into his face and an eyecatching opal hung around his neck. If Sirius hadn’t ever seen effortlessly pretty, then today would have been the day.
“Sirius,” He introduced himself, taken by the sight of Remus Lupin’s eyes for longer than could be considered friendly eye contact and turning away to look at Padfoot. Therefore entirely missing the way Remus’ eyebrows lifted in surprise when he spoke his name and furrowed together to create a crease right after.
“You alright if I call you ‘Remus’?” He asked as he stepped aside and made space for Remus to step inside, Padfoot excitedly wagging his tail behind Sirius’ back.
“Uh-” Remus started, chuckling and continuing, “Go right ahead, mate,” Remus kicked his shoes off by the shoerack and placed them inside neatly, grinning a lot wider and earnestly when he caught sight of Padfoot. Who, upon being discovered, greeted Remus while wagging his tail so harshly that it made a thumb noise whenever it hit the wall.
“Padfoot. Ready for a sleepover? Hm, big guy?” He held Padfoot’s face in both hands and ruffled his ears so they fell from one side to the other.
Sirius couldn’t help the way the corners of his mouth pulled up as he watched the two. It was more than relieving to see Remus have such a natural way with Padfoot.
Once Remus rose from petting Padfoot, Sirius started showing him around his home. First, the kitchen, then the living room, the bathroom, storage, guest room – where Remus left his overnight bag and picked out a notebook and pen before telling Sirius’ to keep going.
The entire ordeal ended up being a little awkward. They didn’t click entirely too well. There were no jokes or lighthearted remarks. Remus asked questions, yes, but only ever related to Padfoot. And Sirius wasn’t entirely sure what to make of it all, though he answered each one as well as he could.
Is he allowed there? He’s allowed everywhere.
Where does he sleep? Wherever he wants, really. Usually the living room carpet.
Do you have times where he’s not allowed to use the garden? After 9pm and before 6am.
How long are your usual walks with him? I try to keep it up for half an hour to an hour. Sometimes a bit shorter if I’m busy or he’s tired.
Is he allowed in the guest room? Yeah, sure.
And though, Sirius was more than relieved to have found someone so invested and considerate enough to even ask these questions. He couldn’t help but feel a pit in his stomach. It’s not as though he imagined them getting along perfectly right away, chattering and joking. And yet, he couldn’t truly stand the silence that hung between them sometimes, though he could barely do anything about it. Or at least, he was too nervous and unsure of what exactly to do.
He felt a bit like a hypocrite. Previously, he hadn’t wanted anything but a professional relationship between them. Being friends with Remus wasn’t something he needed, not a necessary want or desire. Though, now he stood here in his home, walking through it and patiently listening to Sirius. He’d dressed himself like a regular library-visitor, smelling of citrus and musk with amber eyes meeting his every now and then. And Sirius couldn’t stop himself from hoping they’d got along better.
And when he did try to come up with something to say, Remus either didn’t react or he’d abandon the idea at the last second because it felt simply too strained and forced.
If they ended up not being acquainted at the very least, Sirius felt as though he’d be missing out on something. Which is exactly why he was wrecking his brain over this.
And as his thoughts circled, he stepped towards the last room of the tour.
His own.
“This one's mine,” Sirius explained as he pushed the squeaking door open and walked right inside. Remus lingered in the doorway for a while before taking a shy step past it.
Odd, Sirius thought as he opened his closet and took out a box of dog toys, placing it on the bed. Remus hadn’t hesitated much in any other room.
Maybe he was just a little uncomfortable with being in a strangers’ personal room?
“These are Pads’ toys. I keep them right there,” He pointed at the open closet behind himself, “and he knows they’re there. It’s best to just leave them here and come and grab whatever it is you’d like him to play with.” Sirius explained, brushing over the toy collection he’d had since he got Padfoot.
Padfoot, who had been following them around during the tour, also came into the room. Once he’d spotted the box of toys, he sat down at the end of the bed and stared up at it. He barked just once, demanding one of the toys to be handed over to him.
“Want one?” Sirius laughed, waving one of the plush toys in front of his face but Padfoot showed no interest. Not that one then. As he tried a couple more toys none of them seemed to be what Padfoot had his heart set on. He could feel Remus’ eyes on him as he continuously failed to give Padfoot what he wanted.
“May I?” Remus suddenly asked hesitantly, head held lower than usual and reminding Sirius of the way Padfoot looked when he’d just been up to no good. Slowly Remus reached out a hand for the toys in the box, though he didn’t touch any just yet. Only once Sirius nodded did Remus start digging around in it. It took a bit of shuffling toys to the side and reaching deep down until he seemed satisfied with what he pulled out.
A blue plastic chewing toy that Padfoot used to love a couple years ago but had suddenly abandoned and forgotten about. Sirius wasn’t entirely convinced his dog would be satisfied with it when Remus held it out to him. Though, he didn’t interrupt and just let him be.
And it turned out to be exactly what Padfoot had wanted. He wandered off with it hung in his mouth and his tail wagging softly behind him.
Sirius immediately met Remus’ eyes. His confusion must have been evident in his feature because without asking verbally, Remus was able to answer him in no time.
“He was staring at it through the plastic,” Remus explained, tapping the transparent side of the boy. There weren’t any other words that followed those as Remus’ eyes wandered the room and suddenly caught on to a picture on Sirius’ nightstand. Immediately, Sirius followed his line of sight and found himself looking at a childhood picture of him and Regulus.
It was right after they’d emancipated and Sirius got legal guardianship over Regulus. It was them eating hot dogs while sitting in a park they’d found. Their first picnic ever. Their first street hotdog. Their first breath of air. And their first time experiencing freedom. Both of them had matching grins for the entire day, if not the whole week.
The picture was taken by Sirius. A selfie where Regulus sat in the back, smiling as widely as he rarely does. His hair unkept after the top of the doubledecker had ruined it. The sauce of the hotdog was dripping onto his hands and neither of them cared.
Sirius always felt pride mixed with something bitter when he looked at that picture. They were eighteen and seventeen, discovering the world for the first time. For the first time. But at least they were discovering it. At least they were still living.
Though, his reminiscing took a rather abrupt end when Remus’ eyes snapped to Sirius.
To the picture.
And back to Sirius.
He squinted a little and then there was a certain recognition in his eyes.
“Oh, holy shit,” Remus huffed a laugh, hand going through his hair as his mouth fell slightly agape. “Shit. You are the Sirius? As in Reg’s brother, Sirius?” Remus asked, the entirety of his polite and collected tone melting away. His eyes flickered across Sirius’ face, taking it in and seemingly comparing it to the other Black brother he seemed to know.
“I do see the resemblance,” Remus leaned in, back out, turned to the picture and then nodded slowly. “Yeah, yeah... how did I miss that before?” He asked, as though it was unbelievable he did miss it, seemingly implying that Regulus and Sirius looked like twins. Sirius wasn’t really having any of that.
“Though, I’m certainly better looking, aren’t I?” Sirius joked, a smile plastering on his face because this was exactly the opening he’d been waiting for. There was no more forced politeness or monotone expressions with the ghost of a smile. And if he had any control over it, he’d make sure that those wouldn’t make a comeback.
No, because this was Remus grinning from ear to ear after hearing Sirius’ words. This was the Remus that spoke not for the sake of asking a question but because he had something to say. This was calm, relaxed Remus, ready to rile Sirius up just for the fun of it.
“Have you seen your brother, mate? He’s like a renaissance painting come to life. You on the other hand…” His eyes wandered down the length of Sirius, taking him all in and meeting his eyes once he’d seemingly finished his inspection. He waved his hand around as he spoke, pointing at the entirety of Sirius’ person “Bit more like a wanna be Rock’n’Roll star that just rolled out of bed, running late to his gig at the local pub,”
Sirius gasped, hand on his heart as he laughed, taken back by the sudden change in personality. “You wound me, Remus,” Sirius replied, unable to hide his grin. “I wasn’t exactly expecting to be burnt like that today,” A broad smile lingered on his face as he spoke. “I can definitely see why Reggie and you are friends though, probably exactly what he would’ve said to me,”
“As if,” Remus waved him off and chuckled, “He would’ve been way harsher than that,”
“Shit, yeah he would have,” Sirius huffed, placing the box full of toys back in the closet and signaling for Remus to follow him as he continued speaking. An ease all too familiar settled within Sirius. He finally felt back in his element. “Would’ve probably said something outrageous like ‘Sirius, the only world in which you look better than me — dressed like that, with that hair — is the exact same world in which I don’t exist and all humanity is wiped out by firebreathing pigs.’” Sirius imitated, waving his hands around dramatically playing up his posh accent so he sounded like his brothers.
He knew he hit the nail on the head when he heard Remus burst out laughing behind himself. When glancing over his shoulder, he caught Remus’ eyes shining with raw amusement.
“I know that because he’s told me,” Sirius stated, coming into the kitchen and leaning against the counter. Remus sat down on one of the high stools at the counter, right opposite Sirius and facing him with a grin. “Word for word, by the way,” Then, Sirius picked out his food recipes for Padfoot and a couple things he had just prepped earlier that day.
He still had to teach Remus all about Padfoot’s diet. Remus, perfectly prepared, immediately took out his notebook. The grin remained on his face as he pulled a pen out of his back pocket.
“I wouldn’t have gone as far, but I do have to say…” He trailed off putting his lips in a thin line with a mock apologetic expression on his face as he met Sirius’ eyes once more.
“You’ll break my heart if you agree with him, Remus,” Sirius said, eyes trained on Remus with his lips in a sad little pout. Remus chuckled and playfully, he zipped his mouth shut with his index and thumb, placing the imaginary key in the small pocket on the left side of his chest. He patted it once and gave Sirius a thumbs up.
Sirius dumped everything on the counter between them and splayed them out before Remus. His heart raced at the thought of explaining Padfoot’s diet, fear of Remus getting it wrong. Suddenly, in one brutal hit, his playful attitude dissolved. He genuinely felt as though he’d be getting whiplash with the way tonight was going.
“This one’s really important, okay?” Sirius began, mood souring in the matter of seconds. Remus’ eyebrows formed a crease and he nodded seriously, catching on to the sudden change and placing his pen on the paper before him. It caused Sirius some relief knowing that Remus had been able to catch on so easily.
“Padfoot has serious allergies. Write that down,” He tapped Remus’ notebook and waited for Remus to finish the title before continuing.
“Absolutely no chicken, no dairy and no nuts.” Sirius annotated, counting each on a finger and watched Remus write them down in all caps as he nodded along. He only continued once he was sure Remus had finished writing each one down.
“What are his allergic reactions to having those?” Remus asked, same tone as earlier. Distant. Calculated. Concentrated. Sirius was more than happy to have that tone now. This was when it mattered most and he couldn’t have been more thankful.
“After every meal you must check his eyes, ears, nose, muzzle and his tongue,” Sirius answered tensely, counting them down on his fingers again and watching Remus write it down closely. “If something were off, there would be some discoloration or swelling,” He brought his hands together at the thought of such a reaction, wringing them nervously.
“If none of those apply, watch his breathing. It gets all laboured if he’s having a reaction.” Sirius closed his eyes, took a deep breath. A break. A second.
He opened his eyes to continue. “He also gets tremors, like extreme shaking. Watch out for that after any meals, okay?” He watched once more as Remus wrote it all down. Writing. Writing. Writing. There was no sound, just the pen scraping against the paper as ink flowed smoothly. No verbal confirmation.
“Remus.” Sirius’ voice broke a little, memories of days he’d rather forget coming back up. His throat tightened, each swallow turning into its own challenge. His vision swam, all blurry as he bit his lower lip and commanded it to stop. It didn’t.
It never did.
He wrapped his arms around himself, his stomach churning uncomfortably as he swallowed thickly one more time. He prayed for his voice to sound stable as he spoke again, demanding what he needed most right now.
“Remus. Tell me you understand.” It caused Remus to look up. His eyes widened at the sight of Sirius, though Sirius turned around before Remus could comment on his state. He refused to be taken under a microscope right now. He refused to break down before he got to explain everything.
Remus hesitated before he spoke, as though he wanted to say something entirely else. Luckily, he must’ve realised Sirius didn’t want to hear anything other than what he asked for.
“Yes, Sirius. I understand.” And though it’s what he was waiting for, Sirius’ heart ached painfully anyway. As though it was being ripped out of his chest, stabbed a hundred times over. Hastily, he wiped at his eyes as tears spilled down his cheeks. Padfoot must’ve realised something was off, soon coming up to Sirius’ side. He pushed his head against Sirius’ thigh, rubbing up against him like a cat. Sirius chuckled wetly.
“I’m alright, Padfoot,” he assured, running a hand through the dog's fur. He grounded himself on the feeling of it. Padfoot was fine. He was right here. He took a breath when he felt Padfoot taking one, slowly calming his racing heart slowly.
And when it finally felt somewhat normal again, Remus spoke – as though he’d known. “What's the medical procedure if I recognise one of those symptoms?” He asked, causing Sirius to turn his head and look at him. Right. He wasn’t done explaining yet.
An extremely important question.
“See the cabinet above the fridge?” Sirius pointed at it, impossible to miss. He sniffed and wiped at his nose with his sleeve, wincing when it came away with wet snot. Gross.
Remus nodded and waited for further instruction, staring at the cabinet. Sirius kept his eyes trained on Remus as he continued, “I’ve got his Epi-pens in there. There’s instructions on the use as well, you just-”
“Blue to the sky, orange to the thigh,” Remus interrupted, meeting Sirius’ eyes straight on with not a single hint of uncertainty, pure and raw confidence followed his next words. “I’ll remove the blue cap and inject it into his outer thigh. I’ll hold it there for three seconds, then remove it and massage the area for approximately 10 seconds. Correct? I’ll phone a vet immediately after the injection. Do you have a preferred one?” Remus asked, watching Sirius closely as said man couldn’t help but gape at his knowledge.
Of course, it wasn’t uncommon for people to know how to use an Epi-Pen these days. And yet, to be so confident that you’d interrupt and revise it yourself? Even if it didn’t destroy every single one of his doubts, Remus’ knowledge sure did cause some relief. Sirius could feel himself relax a little, tension in his shoulders melting away slowly as he nodded to answer Remus’ question.
“Yeah, a vet close by knows Padfoot’s medical history perfectly. Their phone number lies alongside the Epi-Pen in the cabinet.” He replied, still a little baffled. He leaned against the counter behind him and let his head fall back and stared at the ceiling.
He suddenly felt far too light after getting the medical history out of the way. As though he were floating, losing his grip on the ground. What an unnatural and odd feeling that was.
“Good.” Remus’ pen scraped against the paper. He seemingly still had a lot to take notes on. Sirius just let him be. He could use a minute or two to collect himself.
And as he did, he found himself wandering from thought to thought.
How lucky he was to have found Remus on such short notice. Where did Remus' knowledge of dogs come from? Where did his medical knowledge come from? Would he ever be able to dogsit for James as well? Would he even get along with James’ puppy? What would the puppy be like anyway? Excited and Hyper? Calm and Quiet?
Excited to meet said puppy soon, Sirius remembered that James must be coming soon. He checked the time and realised his friend would be arriving in about forty minutes.
There wasn’t a whole lot more to do or show Remus. And now that Remus seemed to be wrapping his notes up, Sirius wondered what he could do with the extra time. Was there anything else he’d have to show Remus? Anything he had yet to tell him?
Sirius’ eyes flickered down to the page in front of Remus, words all over and all across. A couple of things were circled, others written in all caps while some had a huge exclamation mark at the end. Sirius could only remember his little brothers’ words as he watched Remus close the notebook, satisfied with his work.
You could say that he is a bloody miracle.
For once, Regulus’ might’ve actually had a point. Because who else would put in this much effort for a dog they barely knew? A dedicated dogsitter was not easy to come by, Sirius knew that exactly. He couldn’t be more grateful for the hand that fate had dealt him this week.
And yet, he’s always been of the greedier type.
Always wanting just a little more.
“Remus.” He watched Remus as he looked up from where he’d just been checking his phone. Sirius stepped closer once more, hands on the counter that separated them and leaned fully into them. On one hand, because it felt cool. On the other hand, because he refused to let Remus see him shaking while asking this.
“Sirius.” Remus replied, eyebrow raised in question and waiting for the other to finish his thought.
“Would you mind.. um..” Sirius began, trailing off and losing some of the assured tension in his shoulders. His previously secure grip on the counter didn’t feel that secure anymore. “Well, I wanted to ask- If it’s no trouble- and you’re comfortable with it, of course- If you could, well,”
Something warm pressed down on his hand, a steady weight.
He stared down at whatever it was that covered his hand and therefore stilled his trembling fingers.
Remus’ hand. And when he looked back up, he found Remus’ amber eyes already trained on him. He received a light squeeze, a slow nod for him to continue. Sirius took a deep breath to calm his nerves and assured himself it would be fine to ask. There’s no shame in asking.
“Would you mind sending me updates on Padfoot every now and then?” Sirius’ said, quickly rattling the words down in a single breath. His eyes flickered from Remus’ left eye to his right, left, right, left, right and then settled there. As though he’d searched and failed to find an answer in them.
Another deep breath sounded, pulled through his teeth and painfully slow. It carried the sound of a wounded hiss. Sirius’ eyes closed before he continued, explaining where no explanation was requested. Yet, it only felt right to.
Or maybe he felt as though he had to fill the silence. He wasn’t entirely sure which one it was.
“My last dogsitter,” He started, feeling his heart speed at the mere thought of her. Memories replayed over and over like a broken CD that could only remember the worst part of a movie. He squeezed his eyes shut, urging the recollections to disappear though none of them listened. And yet, he refused to open his eyes. He’d rather suffer through that than watch Remus’ eyes fill with pity as he spoke.
“She- It was bad. I told her. No chicken. No dairy. No nuts.” A deep breath. Breathe.
“I’d… I’d explained it. Properly. Slowly. She... well, she told me she got it. I trusted her words.” He felt Remus’ hand give a small squeeze of encouragement. Another memory came up like acid from his stomach, pushing its way into a front row seat.
He couldn’t stop it from playing out.
He came home from somewhere, slammed the door. No one was home. Odd. Maybe they’re on a walk, he thought as he got into the kitchen.
He accidentally kicked something on the floor. An empty yoghurt container. Licked clean. Sirius’ heart sped, he told himself not to worry. Petunia had probably had it earlier. It’s okay. It just fell.
Still, he searched for Padfoot with quick steps. Not in the kitchen. Not in the living room. Not in the garden. Not in his-
In his room. There he was. Laying on the ground with his body shaking. He wheezed through each breath and whined pathetically. His snout was covered in something an awfully similar colour as that container on the ground earlier
Sirius' heart stopped entirely as he watched Padfoot lying there. Gasping. Eyes shut. Shaking. Trembling. His muzzle swollen, ears painfully red.
It took a second until he shook himself out of hit, muttering a string of curses beneath his breath. He scrambled to get to the cabinet. He tripped. He hit his hip on the counter. He hissed in pain and continued on.
As he removed the cap, he phoned the vet. He slammed it down with the vet on speaker, helping him with the instructions of the Epi-Pen as his mind remained clouded with worry and fear.
One.
Two.
Three.
Out. Massage for ten. Speak to the vet. Remain composed. Stay calm. Think. Think. Think.
He picked Padfoot up, trying his best to ignore the way his breathing grew weaker. He’d carried him in his arms as he ran to the vet close by. Tears streamed down his cheeks, blurring his vision. Red lights. Cars honking. People shouting after him.
All that truly registered was that Padfoot wasn’t moving. Padfoot wasn’t moving. Padfoot wasn’t-
“Sirius, it’s okay,” he followed wherever the invisible force was pulling him. Though, he didn’t dare open his eyes. What if Padfoot still wasn’t moving?
“Sit.” Something pushed him down. A hand on his shoulder. Soft cushions were right beneath him.
“Mr. Black, please take a seat. We will inform you once we know more.” Someone pointed at a seat he didn’t want to take. He stared at it for a while before finally sitting down.
His legs and arms were aching. His lungs burned and his forehead was hot with sweat running down, mixing itself with the tears on his cheeks.
And all he could think about were Padfoot’s wheezing whines. The way they grew quieter with each step he took on his way here.
He dwindled his thumbs until the friction of his own skin started to burn and he sat down on his hands.
A couple minutes later, his lip bled from worrying it between his teeth too much.
“Open your eyes, Sirius.” Someone commanded. He didn’t dare. He shook his head. Don’t make him live in a world without his dog. How could he ever bear the burden of failing his sweet Padfoot?
“You are safe. You are at home, okay? You’re with me, Remus. I’m your dogsitter. The new one.” Someone explained. Remus explained.
Remus.
The name echoed in Sirius’ head until he managed to recognise it.
It’s the amber eyes.
“Padfoot is here with us. He’s waiting for you to look at him. Right, bud? You’re just waiting for Sirius to look at you, hm?” Padfoot barked at whoever had asked. Remus had asked. Right. Remus is here.
Padfoot barked?
A bark sounded. Sirius would recognise that bark anywhere.
His Padfoot had barked.
Sirius couldn’t help but laugh. He laughed and laughed and laughed. Ugly, thick tears ran down his cheeks and his laugh drowned in his sobs as his heart broke a second time that day.
Sirius pried one eye open, then the other. Eyes landing on his sweet baby with a wet smile – when had he started crying? He pulled one of his trembling hands from Remus’ hold and held it out to reach for Padfoot’s head. Padfoot walked right into it, allowing Sirius’ hand to run through his fur.
“It’s okay. He’s here. He’s fine. He’s been fine all day, remember? There’s nothing here that could hurt him. Nothing that can hurt you.” Remus’ words were like a broken record, a radio station, some static sound. Sirius couldn’t quite make sense of them as his ears felt stuffed with cotton. He didn’t respond. He wasn’t sure why Remus was saying any of what he was saying. Yet, it was nice to not have utter silence envelop him right now and so he left it be.
His hand ran through Padfoot’s fur, fascinated by the feeling of it. Remembering all the other times he’s done this since that eventful day. Padfoot’s fine.
Sirius took a deep breath.
Another controlled one.
He remembered to count by the third. By the fourth his chest didn’t feel as tight. When he reached number five he suddenly realised how dry his throat was. Six was when he felt the couch cushions beneath him and how soft they were. The free hand that wasn’t in Padfoot’s hand moved from Remus’ hold on the cushion. By breath number seven, he knew he needed a tissue and just wiped it with his sleeve again. His ninth was just a calm, long, easy breath to take all that information in.
At ten, he looked at Remus. Remus and his amber eyes that helped ground Sirius some more.
Remus gave a nervous smile, as though he felt guilty of the recently occurred events. As though it was his fault that Sirius just had a panic attack in front of his new dogsitter. Goddamnit.
Sirius ran the hand on the cushions through his hair and stared up at the ceiling. At first, there was simply disbelief about the situation he had just created. And then, he finally realised any previous tensions were just building up to this very moment and were now finally leaving him alone. It slowly melted off of him, nothing more than a mere puddle on the ground now.
He couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled up
“Well, that was fucking embarrassing,” Sirius stood abruptly with a smile, causing Remus to shoot his arms out in worry. His eyes were wide, puzzled. As though he couldn't make sense of the situation.
“Want something to drink?” Sirius asked as he trotted back towards the kitchen. Padfoot followed his every step. So did Remus. His hand remained on Padfoot, hiding his still shaking hands in his fluffy fur. Though his mind seems to have calmed, his body obviously hadn’t gotten the memo yet.
“Uh, sure,” He heard as he pulled two cokes out of the fridge and set them down on the dining table. They took their seats there. Opposite each other. Once more. Sirius opened his bottle immediately, taking his first sip.
“Are you okay?” Remus almost whispered, head low once again. Eyes big and head low. That habit of his really did remind Sirius of Padfoot. An odd habit for a grown man maybe, but whatever makes Remus happy.
Sirius nodded once without a word and then took another long sip from his own coke. He waved Remus off with his free hand.
“I’m sorry about that.” Sirius placed a hand on his chest as the fizz travelled down into his stomach, “Seriously. It’s just- it’s a sensitive topic. As you’ve seen.” Sirius’ eyes wandered to Padfoot.
He felt disappointed about not managing to tell the story in full. He felt as though it was important to. Though, maybe a small explanation would have to do it tonight. He didn’t have to push himself to tell Remus about the entirety of it. Hopefully someday but surely not today.
“He almost didn’t make it.” Sirius whispered, lips above the opening of his bottle. He kept his eyes trained on anything far from Remus. Padfoot. The door. The table. Anything but Remus.
“Oh, Sirius,” Remus’ voice sounded pained, “I’m so sorry. We don’t have to talk about it anymore if it stresses you out so bad.” In the corner of his eyes, Sirius watched as Remus reached out and pulled his hand back before their hands touched.
Instead, Remus spoke again, “I promise to send updates. I promise to be careful.” And though he hadn’t wanted to, Sirius’ eyes still managed to find Remus’ after that promise. He’d almost forgotten about his own request. Though, Remus had not.
“I promise you can trust me.” Remus’ eyes felt sincere, eyes clear with nothing but kindness shining through. Sirius nodded, palms flattened against the cold glass of the coke bottle. He averted his eyes and stared down into the dark liquid.
Though, Sirius’ reason to trust Remus wasn’t one because of something he was displaying right now, as much as Sirius wanted it to be.
“I trust Regulus with my life.” Sirius started, hoping and praying this would end well and his brother wasn’t the idiot he always playfully insulted him as. “And he trusts you with his. And so, I trust you.”
Silence settled over them for a moment. Sirius lifted his gaze and their eyes stayed on each other for a while. The silence remained as they finished their drinks, quietly settling into a peaceful atmosphere that was occasionally interrupted by Padfoot sneezing. In the meantime, Sirius came down from whatever nervous edge he was still sitting on. And Remus felt as calm as spring itself.
“Did you ever help Reggie the way you helped me today?” Sirius asked, eyes cast down as he traced the rim on his bottle with his finger. He wondered if he could get it to make a sound.
“I have, yeah,” Remus replied with barely any hesitation. “He had these really intense panic attacks.” I know, Sirius wanted to say. I used to help him, he wanted to add. It’s because of the pressure our parents put on him, he wished to explain. Though it wasn’t his place. So, he remained quiet, listening to Remus. “He was stubborn. Said he didn’t need help.” Remus chuckled fondly, “I was stubborn too. I didn’t care about what he said. I learned a bunch of breathing exercises for him.” Remus shrugged, Sirius could hear the shifting of his shirt as his eyes still focused on his almost empty bottle.
“You’re a good friend, Remus.” Sirius concluded with a smile. More than happy to know how much Regulus’ friends care. Satisfied to know there’s someone that cared enough to break down Regulus’ walls. “He’s lucky to have you.”
“He’s lucky to have you, Sirius.” Remus countered, not allowing Sirius’ words to settle for a single moment before speaking. “I know what you did for him.” Remus’ hand tapped the table in front of Sirius, causing him to look up. “Raising him? Protecting him? Emancipating and applying for guardianship? He told me about it all.” Sirius wasn’t sure what a speechless expression looked like, though he’s pretty sure it would match Remus’ baffled one. Opening and closing his mouth in an attempt to find the words he’s looking for.
Remus added after a while, a smile on his lips, “He praises you at every chance he gets. He strives to be like his big brother.”
Sirius chuckled. It was a wet sound. Maybe a little disgusting. He’s done far worse than that today. He rose from his chair, wiped his nose on his sleeve and headed towards the kitchen.
“God, Remus, learn to just take a bloody compliment, will you?” He called over his shoulder, splashing water into his face as he reached the sink. He could hear Remus chuckle from behind him.
Remus remained quiet after that. Sirius did too. Once more, they settled into a peaceful quiet. At one point, Remus sat down on the carpet with Padfoot and started talking and playing with him. Sirius watched for a while, a fond smile on his face as he watched Padfoot truly enjoy his time with Remus. Then, he took out his laptop and got some work done before James would eventually show up.
As he worked, Remus’ words echoed in his head like they’d engraved themselves into the walls.
He told me about it all.
He praises you at every chance he gets.
He strives to be like his big brother.
He is so rubbing that into Reggie’s face later. Entirely only remembering it to tease Regulus with it. Not because of the pride that bloomed in his chest when he’d heard Remus speak it.
Sirius failed to hide his smile as he emptied his bottle. Remus happened to catch it from where he was sat on the carpet, watching with a far better contained smile.
──────── ˙ ࿔ ⋆ ✮ ⋆ ࿔ ˙ ────────
Sirius pulled Padfoot in for a hug after he’d put his phone in his pocket. He squeezed him tight, taking a deep breath and only letting go after a handful of seconds. Sirius doubts Padfoot knew what was going on but maybe it was better that day. He also doubts he could leave if Padfoot looked anything but relaxed and content.
Padfoot sat there, tilting his head and Sirius fixed his right ear that was flopped over. He smiled, a bitter feeling settling in his heart. As he stood from his crouch, he found it more difficult than other days to straighten up. This felt just a hunch too final for Sirius.
“I’ll send you updates on him,” Remus assured right before any anxieties could resurface. He held a faint smile on his own lips, a look of encouragement in his eyes.
“Thank you,” Sirius stepped backwards, turned around to approach the door and stopped when his hand landed on the handle. And though he’d wanted to turn around and take one last look at Padfoot, he couldn’t bear it.
And so, he went and left without turning. He’d be back soon. It’ll be okay.
He threw his bag in the back of James’ car and then jumped into the passenger seat.
“Ready?” James asked, grinning from ear to ear. And though Sirius felt heavy with guilt, burdened by his decision to trust yet another stranger, he placed an equal grin on his face.
“Been born ready, mate,” He clicked the belt and listened to the car rumble to life As they drove, Sirius watched as his home got smaller and smaller in the rearview mirror.
With his throat tight and hands sweaty and trembling, Sirius was happy to receive a message.
A distraction. Good.
Dogsitter Remus Lupin
Today 9:11 PM
he misses you too, by the way
don’t worry, i’ll take good care of him
it’ll be okay sirius
you just make sure you enjoy your roadtrip, alright?