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“I really admired how you talked to Mob last week,” Reigen said.
Mob had come in asking for help concerning his panic attack. Unwelcome memories of his time with Mogami had been returning and causing unwanted emotions. Mob had felt pretty guilty over the whole thing. Reigen hated to see him so upset, but fortunately Serizawa had known what to do.
Now it was just the two of them in the office, after hours. These were some of Reigen’s favorite moments together, not that he’d ever say it aloud. These moments held space for more intimate meetings.
Serizawa shrugged his shoulders. “I was just trying to apply what I’ve learned.”
Reigen shook his head as he approached his boyfriend. “It was more than that. You saw through his pain and provided him with answers.”
Serizawa huffed out a soft laugh. “I wouldn’t say I gave him answers, but thank you. I’m glad he could rely on you, too.” Serizawa tilted his head in his boyfriend’s direction. “Don’t you know how much he admires you?”
Reigen scoffed. “I don’t know why.”
“Reigen,” Serizawa said with a frown, “there are plenty of things to admire about you.”
Reigen shook his head, and turned away from Serizawa. He didn’t want to fight, not this early in their relationship. Reigen didn’t know how long Serizawa would want to be with him. He definitely didn’t want to end it over something as silly as accepting compliments.
The problem was Serizawa had never learned how to let things go. He’d been obsessed with the supposed danger of his powers (Reigen still couldn’t believe such a gentle man had been considered a threat) that he’d locked himself away for 15 years. That kind of obsession to detail didn’t disappear over night. But now Reigen was becoming the new source of Serizawa’s fascination.
A part of Reigen didn’t like it. It was ungrateful to think, but he did. He should appreciate any favor Serizawa granted him. But the burn of Serizawa’s gaze made Reigen feel like a bug under a microscope. If Serizawa looked too closely he might realize what a filthy creature Reigen really was.
Selfish, lying, arrogant- those were words Reigen was familiar with, not Serizawa’s compassionate descriptors. In the few months they’d been dating, Serizawa had called him handsome more than once. Even thinking about it made Reigen blush.
“-you listening?”
Reigen looked up at Serizawa’s questioning gaze. “Of- of course I am!” He said confidently, sticking out his chest.
“So you think it’s a good idea? You’ll come with?” Serizawa grinned. “Because I think it could be really good for us!”
Shit. Reigen had no idea what Serizawa was talking about. Whatever it was, he could see the signs of Serizawa’s excitement clear as day. His hands were bunched at his sides, as if holding back extra energy, and his grin was so wide Reigen could see his gums. Not to mention his foot hitting the floor like a dog waiting for a walk. God, Reigen loved dogs.
He puffed out his chest. “Of course I’ll go with you, Serizawa!”
Reigen cleared his throat. He couldn’t admit to not knowing what Serizawa was suggesting. What kind of boyfriend didn’t listen to his partner? Besides, if Serizawa thought it would be good for them, it had to be in their best interests. Right?
It was not in their best interests, least of all Reigen’s.
Reigen and Serizawa stood on a dingy, concrete path. In front of them was a series of cramped businesses and homes all shoved into an apartment complex. ‘Talk therapy’ was written on a light blue hanging sign, above the third apartment from the right.
Reigen placed a hand behind his neck, scratching at the sweat growing there. He eyed Serizawa with a grimace of a grin. ‘Awesome job, Reigen,’ he thought, ‘wait to fool Serizawa. Idiot.’
“You sure this is the right place?” He asked, holding onto his expression.
Serizawa looked over at him, frowning. “Uh, yeah. Just like I said earlier. It’s therapy. Were you listening?”
“O-of course I was!”
Reigen looked at the office as he felt a rock drop in his stomach. There was no escaping this. He took a deep breath and headed to the double doors. With sweaty hands, he pushed them open.
“So, what brings you in today?”
She wore round, semi-rimless glasses over dark brown eyes. Her long nose sat perfectly between each lens, and it crinkled when she smiled at them. The therapist’s black hair was tied into a neat bun. Reigen sat in his scratchy, crumpled white dress shirt with sweat on his brow and coffee stained teeth. He crossed his ankles and looked towards the door.
Serizawa seemed perfectly at ease. ‘Probably because he actually knew this was coming,’ his mind supplied, unhelpful. Meanwhile Reigen felt gross and unprepared, like he was at a parent teacher conference with the principal. Not that Serizawa was his mom, obviously. He just meant-
“Reigen-san?”
“Hm?”
“I asked if you’ve ever been to talk therapy, or therapy in general?”
Reigen tried to hold back the irritation in his voice, he really did, but it slipped out with a scoff. “No, I haven’t.”
He’d hoped that would dissuade her from further questions, maybe even make her uncomfortable enough to focus on Serizawa. But if anything, it did the opposite. She smiled at him.
“So, did Serizawa-san initiate this meeting? How are you feeling about that, Reigen-san?”
Reigen remained silent. Serizawa, picking up on the intense quiet, opened his mouth to speak. He bent forward in his chair.
“While I initially planned this meeting,” Serizawa said, “Reigen did agree to it. I thought it could be god for us.”
“I didn’t-! I mean,” Reigen sighed. “I don’t understand why you think we need to see a therapist. You can ask me anything you want to know. Frankly, I’m offended.”
“I’m not trying to hurt your feelings, Reigen,” Serizawa said. “I just think it could be helpful for you to see someone.”
Reigen ran a hand through his hair. “I thought you said this was for us? What are you trying to get at, Serizawa?”
For the first time that day, Serizawa looked uncertain. His gaze drifted to Reigen while he bit his cheek. His tan fingers intermingled with the others, a nervous habit he’d yet to drop.
“I tried telling you earlier,” he said.
“I think it could be good for us. I’m already seeing a therapist, but I’d be willing to come along if you want to see one as well.”
“If? Where did you get the idea I should see a therapist from, huh?” Reigen looked at him indignantly. “I’m perfectly healthy. I haven’t been in a war or kidnapping, my parents never got divorced, and I certainly don’t think we’re having problems. But apparently you do!”
“I don’t think that!” Serizawa looked over at the therapist, silently asking for help.
“Reigen-san,” the woman said, “there’s no need to be defensive. No one is here to hurt you. I’m sure Serizawa only means well. And, therapy isn’t just for soldiers or children of divorce.”
Reigen ignored her. Instead, he turned to his boyfriend. Normally he wouldn’t be so rude, but he couldn’t just sit by and let these two talk about him like he wasn’t there. He’d certainly never needed therapy before, and he didn’t need it now.
“Well, I have some questions of my own,”Reigen said as he turned to his boyfriend. “Why don’t you trust me to handle myself?”
“See, that’s what I’m talking about,” Serizawa said. “You think no you need to do everything yourself. Can’t you just try this, for me? I don’t even have to stay. Or, if you’d feel more comfortable, I will.” He put a hand over Reigen’s. “I just want you to give it a try, okay?”
Reigen sighed. “Fine, I’ll do it for you.”
Serizawa smiled. “Do you want me to stay?”
Reigen shook his head. “Not sure I’m ready for that.”
“So,” the therapist said, “it sounds like you weren’t brought here under traditional circumstances.”
Reigen laughed. “Serizawa told me about it. I just didn’t expect it so soon.”
“Didn’t he tell where you were going?”
“Well yeah, but I didn’t know we’d be starting today.”
“And you… want to continue?”
“Well,” Reigen shrugged, “I told Serizawa I’d give it a try, so I mine as well.”
She nodded and crossed her legs. The woman sat in a leather chair, like Reigen. It was a seemingly comfortable space, filled with plants and soft, neutral furniture. It reminded Reigen of what he might want from his own apartment.
There were a lot of things Reigen still wanted from a living space. Right now, he was making a cheap place work. But he dreamed of large rooms filled with plants and paintings, soft greens and dark blues.
“Reigen-san?”
“Hm?”
“What were you thinking, just now?”
“Oh I was just thinking of what to have for dinner when this is over.”
“Reigen-san,” she said, not unkindly, “it’s my job to read people like this. I can tell when you’re lying.”
“Oh, it’s your job you say?” Reigen smirked. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
The woman, Akida, sighed. “Reigen-san, do you want to be here? You’re not required to stay.”
“I…” Reigen bit his lip. “Honestly? I don’t know. It scares me that Serizawa thinks I might need this.”
Normally, Reigen wouldn’t be honest with a therapist. But if it would get him out of here, and make Serizawa happy, maybe he really should give it a try. He sighed as he tapped his foot against the floor, ignoring the urge to pace.
“Why scare you?
“Well, I don’t want Serizawa to think he can’t rely on me.”
She nodded. “You know, seeing a therapist doesn’t mean you’re unreliable. You said you and Serizawa are also business partners, and he goes to therapy. Do you trust him?
Reigen frowned. “Of course I do!”
“Then what makes you think he can’t rely on you?”
“I mean, normally I wouldn’t say that,” Reigen said, holding up a hand to defend himself. “Of course Serizawa can rely on me!” Reigen wagged his finger in the air. “And I don’t have a problem with Serizawa going to therapy, so don’t try and trip me up there.”
Akida laughed. “I’m not here to pull something over your eyes, Reigen-san. I’m here to help. Let’s start from the beginning, okay? Why don’t you tell me about yourself?”
Reigen nodded. “I can do that. Well, you already know my name and that I’m in a relationship. I’m the owner of Spirits and Such, you’ve probably heard of it. We’re a local psychic parlor, where I work with my partner and student.”
“Your student?”
He sat up proudly, “yes. He’s a hard worker. Besides that, he’s strong and compassionate and funny even when he doesn’t meant to be.” Reigen paused, thinking of the empty office he and Serizawa would be returning to. His posture sagged. “Though, he doesn’t work as often as he used to.”
“And that… troubles you?”
“What?” Reigen’s gaze shot up from the floor. “Of course not! Mob is welcome to live his life as he pleases. He’s the main character of his own life, after all.”
“Do you usually lie to others, Reigen-san?” She asked as she jotted something down in her notebook. “Or is that specific to me?”
‘What?! She saw right through me!’ Reigen focused his attention on the door, rambling an answer as he thought of what to do. How could this woman read him so clearly? Now, Reigen didn’t want to brag, but he’d convinced his fair share of people that he was an honest man. Which he was, usually!
Everyone was allowed a white lie or two. Besides, he had his career and reputation to think about! It wasn’t like he lied brazenly. No, he helped others where he could while maintaining a professional boundary. He wasn’t some senseless liar who went around fooling people for fun.
“Reigen-san?”
He looked away from the door, pushing his anxious thoughts with his gaze. Maybe she would slow down if he played her game. Therapist was just a title on a wall, right? He could win this.
“Yes, Akida?”
“That’s the third time you’ve pulled into your own thoughts and let them run away with you,” she said.
Reigen frowned. “Excuse me?”
“I just noticed your thoughts seem somewhat scattered. Are you sure you’re alright?”
“Of course I am,” he lied. “Besides, it doesn’t trouble me that Mob wants to move forward in life.”
Reigen looked away from her, thinking of how horrid he was the last time Mob wanted to move forward in life. He’d been a real jerk back then, and he couldn’t forget his cruel words to Mob. ‘Grow up’ as if Reigen knew anything about that, as if he knew what it was like to have real friends. He’d never been so sorry in his life.
“It’s not wrong if you miss him, you know,” she said. “That doesn’t make you a bad person.”
Reigen shook his head. “You don’t understand. If I miss Mob too much I could hurt him.”
She nodded slowly, before pulling out her notebook. “Could you elaborate?”
“Well,” Reigen sighed. “I just don’t know how to have casual friendships with people. I either never give anything until one of us leaves, or I try too hard and take up too much of their time. Then, they get sick of me. I hold on too tightly, I guess.”
“And why do you think that is Reigen-san?”
He laughed, something dark and humorless. “Hell if I know. I’ve always been like that. My mom told me when I was a kid I’d only ever have one friend at a time. But they never lasted.”
“Is that when you stopped trusting people?”
“No,” Reigen rushed to reply, “I trust people. Sure, my mom and I could be closer but we talk on the phone. And I trust Mob and Serizawa. Why am I getting harassed in here when this is the best I’ve been in a while?”
“I’m not criticizing you, Reigen-san,” Akida said warmly. “These are only questions, I promise. It seems to me that you’re very sensitive to rejection.”
His nose scrunched up. “What?”
“It would make sense why you lie a lot, if that were the case.”
“Hold on,” he said, “slow down. You’ve lost me. What would make sense?”
“That you’re sensitive to rejection. You’re afraid of people getting to know the real you because you’re afraid you’ll be rejected.”
Reigen blinked. He opened and shut his mouth, trying to think of something to say.
“Woah,” he exclaimed. “You can’t just spring that on me.”
Serizawa studied patiently at Reigen’s apartment, textbooks and piles of notes scattered around him. The apartment was snug, and Serizawa was a little embarrassed by how much of it he took up. He’d tried studying on Reigen’s twin bed, but it was clearly not meant for someone his size. He wasn’t as fit or as lanky as Reigen.
Another reason Serizawa was studying was to distract himself. He felt a little guilty for springing something as big as therapy on Reigen. Sure, he’d asked his permission to go together but he hadn’t talked to him about one on one therapy. Then he’d just left him with a stranger.
What if Reigen took Serizawa’s attempt at helping him the wrong way? He’d seemed insulted. But a therapist would help him process that frustration, right? Serizawa’s nerves were cut off by the sound of the door opening. Serizawa turned towards it, hoping to see a smiling Reigen. He did not.
Reigen’s eyes were wide with what Serizawa assumed was shock. Had Akida-san been too harsh? Despite the front he up, Serizawa knew Reigrn could be quite sensitive when his walls were challenged. Had she acknowledged that, or simply shoved them down?
“So,” Serizawa opened, “how was it?”
Reigwn crossed his arms, his mouth quirked to the side as he searched for the right words. “It was… a learning opportunity,”
“Oh? Are you… okay?” Serizawa approached him. “Are- are we okay?”
Reigen nodded, and offered him a small smile. “We’re okay. But please never do that again.”
Serizawa laughed, a combination of relief and nerves. “So, what did you learn?”
Again, Reigen’s mouth quirked to the side. “I think I have ADHD.”
Serizawa laughed again, this time without holding back. Reigen began to smile, relieved by this reaction. They laughed together in Reigen’s dingy apartment. And Reigen found he didn’t mind it.