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-Kakashi-
He always hated hospitals. They brought his father here after he d- after he ki- whatever. They didn’t need to. He was obviously beyond anything the healers could do. The morgue is kept in the hospital though, and they had too much pity for him, so they pretended to try and help before they brought his father to the basement.
Although to be fair, Kakashi had a strong sense of smell, and there was only so much one could do to hide the blood and the death and the antiseptic that clings to the air of the hospital like skin.
It kept stealing his attention. Between the blood on his hands it’s not real it’s not real it’s not - it’s Rin’s blood though and it is on his hands it will always be on his hands and Obito would nev- and the death song in the air and the look on Minato’s face when he talked to him like he can only see her killer only a monster would kill someone as good as Rin and he taught this monster how to kill does he blame himself? Kakashi hopes not, this was all his fault she was dead because of him he killed her He couldn’t focus on anything Minato was saying. Was he asking something? Probably. Just agree with him, say something, nod your head. Why can’t he bring himself to respond? Is he frozen now, too? A frozen monster a killer - worthless useless garbage Obito would be so angry at him for what he’s done - his best friend is already dead and Kakashi can still only hurt him worthless worthless worthl-
“Kakashi, are you even listening to me? I need you to report. I know there is more to what happened between you and Rin.”
He could finally hear his words, and he was asking for no I don’t want to tell Sensei what happened what if he only thinks I- what if I tell him and he knows what I am - worthless pathetic garbage
“Can I report to Shikaku or Inoichi instead?” He couldn’t seem to take his eyes off of his hands the blood was dripping off of him now that he could talk. Why can he only do one thing at a time? Pathetic.
Minato says something and stands to leave; in his peripheral vision, he sees that he pauses at the side of the hospital bed, like he's going to say something else, but he doesn’t before he leaves. Probably better that way, Kakashi couldn’t hear what he was saying anymore because the blood on his hands was ringing in his ears and the death song in the air was so loud all he could smell was the blood hidden under the bleach but not just under the bleach it was on his hands so distracting.
The door opens again.
He always liked them. Kakashi hoped that they wouldn’t change how they looked at him after they learned what he di- after they learned that he was a killer a monster Obito please forgive me
“Alright kid, we’re going to go over a couple of things with you today. We’ll take your report, which we will turn over to the Hokage in full detail. Then we will be doing a standard psych eval to see if you are fit for active duty at this time, the Hokage will only know the results of this evaluation, he doesn’t need to know everything and depending on how that evaluation goes we may have to go over some other things. Do you understand, Kakashi?”
He nods say something you coward, so he does.
He gives his report and logically Kakashi knows that it’s perfect - he’s been a shinobi for so long he could give a neat, concise report as easily as he took in a breath but right now it felt like time stood still and breathing wasn’t easy anymore so he doubts his own credibility. Kakashi would never kill Rin. This can’t be real, because it’s hard to breathe and time is frozen and he is frozen and Minato looks at him like he’s a monster and Rin is dead Obito please I’m sorry I failed you and the blood was still dripping off his hands, trailing down his wrist in violent rivers that belonged to Rin I’m a monster so this can’t be real.
He almost convinces himself that he’s just remembering a dream none of this can be real but Inoichi believes and Shikaku believes him too and he trusts them to know what’s real and what isn’t more than he doubts himself. Even if it means that he killed Rin.
Does that mean that the blood is real too?
The psych eval goes about as well as he expected.
Kakashi is on leave until he is cleared for active duty by Inoichi himself. Apparently he’d be too good at tricking the others.
Kakashi is told he has to stay in the hospital for another week so the medics can monitor his chakra input.
The blood has stained the blanket now, but the nurses insist that it’s clean when he asks for a new one so he sleeps tries to sleep but everytime he closes his eyes he sees Rin’s an- with her blood and the death in the air.
Her funeral happens on day three of his hospital stay, and maybe it’s good he’s stuck in the hospital because he would go if he could but would that even be okay? He killed her, and funerals aren’t for the people who stole them from the world she was so good how could he do this to her they were for the family left behind.
Minato-sensei didn’t stop by that day.
Or the next.
His next visitor is actually the Sandaime. The official story is that he killed her to prevent her capture and preserve the village's information.
Apparently, nobody has questioned it.
Apparently, that was a good thing? It isn’t. It can’t be.
Am I really that kind of monster?
-Obito-
The first time it had happened had actually been just before Rin died.
He was running as fast as he could, and he was so afraid for them. He had never felt as desperate as he did in that moment and he just needed to know if they were okay and if he would make it in time (he didn’t) and he must have done something with his chakra because when he finally found them he watched Rin die by his own hand and also Kakashi’s? Two perspectives at once of the same moment - the worst moment of his life.
Rin is dead now.
Is Kakashi okay? There was so much blood, and it was on his hands and the Sharingan gives him perfect recall. He couldn’t forget if he wanted to.
He didn’t want to think about it.
But he did want to think about how he had seen through Kakashi’s eye (and it was Kakashi’s - the gift of a dying boy, even if he wasn’t really dead now). Maybe he could do it again?
It’s just - how?
Did he channel his chakra to Kakashi’s eye? He had to’ve. How do you channel to something no longer attached to you? To a separate tenketsu. When he gave away his eye did Rin (he missed her already) also transplant the tenketsu it was attached to? Are they the same thing for dojutsu? Does he just need to pretend it’s still his eye?
Worth a shot.
He brings his left hand (his only hand, the Hashirama cells making up the right half of his body feel foreign and wrong) in a tiger seal and holds it in front of his missing eye (not missing - pretend it’s still there). He feels his right eye spin with chakra, and closes it to redirect his focus to what isn’t there and then - he was in a hospital?
No, Kakashi was in a hospital.
There was blood on his hands and why hadn’t they cleaned that off for him? Didn’t they know he wouldn’t want to see it? It looked fresh still, is it even real?
Sensei’s voice cut in and Obito tried to look at him - look for comfort even if he was a little angry that he hadn’t come back for him. Unsurprisingly, he can’t redirect Kakashi’s gaze from the blood (so he could watch and hear and experience, but he couldn’t really affect anything - he felt like a ghost). “Kakashi, what happened? I know Rin’s injuries match the damage you can do with your Chidori and I know about the faulty seal.”
‘It’s not real it’s not real it’s not - it’s Rin’s blood though and it is on my hands it will always be on my hands and Obito would nev-’ Kakashi’s voice sounded dissonant - was he even talking? Were these just his thoughts? Regardless, he sounded like he was in so much pain.
Obito would never what?
“Kakashi please, I want to advocate for you but I need to know more. Right now, Hokage-sama believes that you killed her because of the seal, but there’s no way that you would do that - not as my student. You would wait until I could check the seal myself and at least try to fix it first,” Kakashi looked up (finally) and Sensei’s eyes looked so sad and so blue. To Obito, he looked heartbroken but he knew that Kakashi only saw pity there ‘Worthless useless garbage. Obito would be so angry at me for what I’ve done.’
“Kakashi, are you even listening to me? I need you to report. I know there is more to what happened between you and Rin.”
“Can I report to Shikaku or Inoichi instead?” This sounded clear - like Obito was in the room with him and -
Inside his head, Kakashi was falling apart. He sounded broken. But out loud? There was nothing. Obito thought that he knew what his friend sounded like without feeling but he had never heard him sound so -
So -
Empty.
He couldn’t keep listening to this.
Kakashi was not okay.
He cut off his chakra.
‘Obito would be so angry at me for what I’ve done.’
No, please don’t think that. It wasn’t your fault, Kakashi.