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Saparata glanced at his plastic watch. It was a couple minutes past 12 at noon. They had agreed to meetup at 11:30. He was definitely going to nag Flux about making him wait in this heat.
He checked the weather. The text '39 degrees Celsius' followed by 'humidity of 92%' was displayed in bold white with a background of the sun. The lowest temperature today was 34 degrees. Yeah no, he regretted scheduling this hangout today.
Even if it could potentially drag Flux out of his house for maybe the second time this summer—the Conspiracy forced him out sometime in July—this was not worth it. But what's done is done. If Flux does not show up within the next 20 minutes, he'll go home and binge watch some Youtube videos.
His standards were quite low, weren't they.
He swore he was becoming one with the bench he sat on. Its metal edges singed his arms. He impatiently tapped his foot.
Though it wasn’t like Flux to arrive on time, considering last time when he fell asleep and missed their hangout, he still does make an effort. He wouldn’t keep him waiting for that long.
When the contrary happens, he would chide others for being anything less than five minutes early. It would be an understatement to say that that was obnoxious. The way his tone would be overly condescending yet equally judgemental while he feigns heavy disappointment. He was endearingly hypocritical, much to Saparata’s chagrin.
He spotted a familiar black haired boy rushing from a distance, drenched in sweat.
"Hey dude, where were you?" he greeted him with an enthusiastic wave. "You were late by like 40 minutes"
Fourty minutes huh. Well it could've been better, but he'll take it. He curses his fondness for the other, if this was anyone else, they would get a bit of a mouthful for such egregious timing.
"Yeah, I didn't mean to keep you waiting," Flux panted, "my dads were scolding me about not using my summer time to get an edge in school next semester"
That made sense. He always knew that Flux's dads were unfairly strict, especially towards their youngest child. It was astounding how despite their negligence, they were still as controlling if not even more at the same time.
"Really, they sound like assholes," he scooted towards the side of the bench, making space for Flux.
He mentally forgave the other, but a quick text would've been nice.
"They are," he sat "I think being overly controlling is an Aculon family special."
"I wouldn't say so, your sister seems nice," Saparata said.
"What about me?" a small frown appeared on Flux's face.
Saparata almost felt bad. Almost.
"Nah"
"You wound me!" Flux exclaimed theatrically.
He was about to double down, but he saw the other's tears starting to prickled the corner of his eyes. They weren't real at all, but seeing them was detrimental to his mood. Why did he care so much about an edgy tsundere?
"Fine, fine," he barely suppressed a chuckle of amusement, "I'm just kidding, you're my favorite."
He swore he could see a faint reddish tint dusted on Flux's cheeks. He brushed it off; it could’ve just been the heat. Or maybe it wasn't. This would not be the first time that the other had acted like that. Like that one time during lunch. Or during their history project outside of school when they met up at his house. Or—
He put a pause to his train of thought. It wouldn't be beneficial to dwell about this until he started driving himself insane again.
"Of course I am," Flux regained his composure, amusement laced in his voice, "who else could the one and only Saparata be enamored with?"
Oh how the tables have turned. His signature smirk never failed to cause Saparata to malfunction, this wasn't an exception.
He was like a system that was overloaded with graphics and information, he was overloaded by Flux.
The way that the sun reflected off of those amethyst eyes was hypnotizing. He could study them for hours, even days on end. Flux was perfect in every other way too. He'll never get over the fact that he was able to befriend him, nor that this moment was real.
"You here?" Flux waved his hand in front of Saparata's face.
"Yeah," it came out shakier than intended, almost breathless. Fuck his chud life.
"You know that was a rhetorical question, right?"
"Yeah," he let out a nervous laugh, "I just— I got caught off guard."
Flux let out an unconvinced hum, but didn't question him any further.
This was simply another day of pretending that he wasn't infatuated with the other. He knew he wasn't subtle at all, but it was at least on par with Flux's emotional intelligence.
Saparata relaxed his shoulders, not noticing how tensed up they were until this point. He took this as a chance to steer the conversation before they drown in this palpable silence.
"It's quite a nice day," he made an off handed comment, "there's not a single cloud in the sky."
"I'd beg to differ, we're literally being boiled to death out here," Flux grumbled.
Of course, ever the pessimist, he had to be the first to complain.
"I've been outside for longer than you because you were late," Saparata pointed out.
"I already apologized," he didn't appear guilty at all, "besides you also have a higher heat tolerance."
"Yeah, unlike you I touch grass and go outside," Saparata retorted.
"I also do?" he raised an eyebrow.
"Name one time this past week that you've gone outside," Saparata challenged.
"Yest-"
"Conspiracy hangouts don't count,"
"Damn it," Flux sighed, "This is an outrage."
Saparata chuckled. He could almost see the steam rising from Flux's ears.
"But I do think I hate the summertime," he said, almost out of nowhere. "You know, with the sunlight, whatever my parents make me do, the heat, and the impending doom that is the next semester of school"
The air shifted into something more serious.
"I guess I understand,"
Saparata was never the best student nor did he care about his grades as long as he passed, but he still had his own issues with school. In a way, he was a social butterfly, but he was the kind that was merely acquainted with the majority of people, not the kind that had many meaningful connections.
His lack of care for his grades was something that he couldn't figure out how to change. All the information he gathered while studying appeared as nothing but a blur when he looked back. Despite how strict Flux's parents are, he sometimes wishes to have them because maybe then, he'll learn to care, for once. He really didn't want to think about his future, not in this economy.
"Huh," Flux grunted.
This prompted Saparata to look at the other. His gaze fell on the furry feline that made its way onto Flux. It was a black cat.
"Aww, it seems to really like you," Saparata said.
"Yeah…"
He noticed Flux's apprehensiveness.
"Are you not a cat person?" he questioned.
"No, I thought that was obvious from how I avoided Joseph" Flux answered.
"You avoid Joseph?" Saparata sounded incredulous.
"Yeah," he frantically added, "but before you get offended, I don't have an issue with him, I just don't really like cats."
"I see" Saparata replied.
Saparata pet the cat on its head, in tender strokes. The cat instantly hissed and clawed at him before dashing over Flux's lap to the far side of the bench.
"Aww it acts just like you," he teased.
"Shut up…"
Saparata chuckles.
"Am I wrong?" he asks smugly.
"Yeah?" Flux was vexed, "I act nothing like this— this clingy and hostile furball."
"Clingy and hostile," he parroted, "you sure those aren't the perfect descriptors for you?"
"No, I mean I suppose I'm hostile, but clingy?" his face scrunched up. "No chance"
Saparata furrowed his brows. It took all his strength to not explode in a boisterous fit of laughter.
"Then what are you doing right now?" He asked, overly innocuous.
"What do you mean" Flux was confused.
Saparata had to keep a straight face, but the other was making it impossibly difficult for him to so.
Because seriously? One of the top students in their entire high school, class president, anticipated valedictorian, sharper than a diamond, has no spatial nor physical awareness. How much maledaptive daydreaming must one indulge in to be able to land themselves in this position. Flux was truly built different, for better and worse.
"You're literally leaning onto my shoulder,"
Saparata dropped a bombshell.
Flux remained silent, choosing to fully bury his face into Saparata's shoulder instead. He was mortified, and this likely made it worse, but at least he wouldn't have to acknowledge this unfortunate positioning face-to-face with Saparata.
Saparata gazed down on him, and observed. He wished that he could see the others face, but having him bury it and cling onto his arm was good enough for now.
After a couple minutes, the cat nudged Flux back up. He immediately turned away. Saparata had to muffle a snicker.
They drifted into a comfortable silence.
"Hey," Flux said, almost too quietly.
Saparata perks up
"Yes?"
Flux seemingly serveyed the area. His fingers pressed hard enough on the bench for his knuckles to whiten. He was acting more fidgity than usual. But most interestingly was his face, almost bashfully red.
"I— I wanted to tell you something," he internally cringed at his own voice crack. It took all his strength to not look away sheepishly.
Saparata did his best to not burst out in laughter. This was a rare occasion. Flux was uncharacteristically diffident compared to his usual flair of insouciance. But Ish did embarassement look good on Flux. He noted to fluster the other more frequently in the future.
"Uh huh," he nodded, attempting to be as serious as possible.
A beat.
The cat, previously residing in Flux's lap, leaped out. Its nimble paws trampled over flowerbeds, swiftly slipping away. That snapped both of them out of their pathetic yearning.
"HEY-"
Before Saparata could blink, Flux was chasing the cat, following its steps.
“I’ll be back,” Flux hollered from a distance. The wind distorted his voice.
He was so focused on not losing the cat that he hadn't realized he lunged right in front of a red traffic light.
A rectangular white blur collided with his sillouette, merging into one
Saparata stared.
Through teary eyes, the world was painted crimson. The grass, the flowers, the roads, all dyed in gruesome shades of red. It appeared as paint spilt onto a canvas.
A metallic tang slithered into his mouth.
His body was a puppet, no longer his own. The strings tugged him step by step to the corpse of his friend. The tears had obstructed his vision, but that was irrelevant. Regardless of circumstance, he would find his way to Fluixon through any path in every universe.
He disregarded the rivers of blood that seeped into his clothes as he wrapped the black haired boy within his arms. His skin was littered with asphalt, open wounds, and fractured and protruding bones.
Fluixon was never a mirthful person, his eyes were rather lifeless at times, but it was never even close to this. Now they were truly bereft of the stubborn determination that silently lingered in his gaze. It was background noise, unnoticed when existent, but leaving a chasm of emptiness when gone.
The sight of all this prompted bile to rise in his throat.
He shook Fluixon violently, as if it would reanimate the other back to life. As expected, it didn't.
The summer heat beat down on him, taunting his misfortune. He swore he could feel the animosity radiating from up above.
Through a gasp, Saparata snapped his eyes open.
He was on his bed, clutching his chest. The contractions of his larynx thundered through his body.
His throat was abnormally dry. He took a swig of water, still dry. Then another, and another. The water bottle was now empty, and his throat was still as parched and sore, if not even more. It was like pouring milk into a cracked glass—regardless of the amount, it all leaks out either way.
The faint whiff of rust still lingered despite there not being any blood. The aftertaste of vomit was prominent, almost goading him to throw up again.
He haphazardly snatched his phone from his nightstand and check its virtual calendar.
11:58 pm
August 14
It was exactly one day before the date set in his dream. He has a hangout with Flux tomorrow, on the exact date in his dream. Shit.
But no, he’s being irrational. He’s dreamed of failing upcoming exams, getting sick right before important presentations, and losing his progress in video games that he has spent hundreds of hours in. None of those has ever happened. Except for the exam one, but hey chemistry is hard, especially when they start adding numbers and letters into it. Wasn’t that reserved for math?
He shoved his phone under his pillow. It had already been charged to 80% battery, that should be enough to last a day.
Mind still racing, he rolled and fumbled until he exhausted all mental and physical stamina. He didn’t try doing anything to relieve his discomfort as he wasn’t nocturnal at all, and any attempts to do so would leave him even more exhausted in the morning than usual. He’ll have better luck suppressing everything down.
He drifted off to sleep, praying that his nightmare was just that, a nightmare, and nothing more.
It was a bit past 12 at noon again.
Flux was late, the same as how he was late in his dreams. He felt a pit of fear start festering.
He spotted a familiar black haired boy rushing from a distance, drenched in sweat.
"Hey dude, where were you?" he greeted him with an enthusiastic wave. "You were late by like 40 minutes."
"Yeah, I didn't mean to keep you waiting," Flux panted, "my dads were scolding me about not using my summer time to get an edge in school next semester."
He'll stick to what he said in that dream until Flux says something different.
"Really, they sound like assholes," he scooted towards the side of the bench, making space for Flux.
"They are," he sat, "I think being overly controlling is an Aculon family special."
"I wouldn't say that, your sister seems pretty nice," Saparata said.
"What about me?" A small frown appeared on Flux's face.
No, this was getting bad. Fuck why was this basically an reenactment of the dream. The combination of the heat and fear caused his head to throb as he continued ruminating over the previous events.
Every time he swallowed, his throat sanded itself. The dryness accompanied by the lingering aftertaste of puke brought on an onslaught of nausea.
The anxiety and unease must have been obvious because Flux noticed.
"Hey, you alright?" Flux asked.
"Yeah, it's just a headache," he answered dismissively.
Alright, nice save, but he’ll have to be careful to not let it show this much. If he gets questioned further he’d be done for. Because what was he going to say? I had a dream that you died today while chasing a cat, and you’re acting exactly the way you did in that dream?
"You should probably go home," although his tone wasn't gentler, it lacked its usual snark. "I'd rather not be responsible for you dying from a heatstroke"
"I think I'm fine," he continued to deny.
Amidst all of the chaos in his mind, he hadn’t noticed that Flux stood up and was gently shaking him by the shoulders.
"Saps, I'm serious," he wore a more serious expression compared to his usual aloofness. "Heatstrokes are dangerous things that people don't realize they have until they faint and have to go to the hos-"
"Flux, I'm fine," he laughed, "I'm not like you, I actually go outside"
"Fuck you?" Flux was taken aback. So much so that it was amusing.
"But really, I'm fine. I've had this headache since this morning," Saparata said.
It technically wasn’t a lie. He’s been having this headache since last night. And despite it being minimal, it still counts.
"If you say so," Flux sighed. "The second you feel something wrong or your symptoms worsen, go home"
"Awww, so you do care," his voice carried a minor lilt.
Even when he’s dealing with possible premonitions of the other dying, he has to take every opportunity to rile him up. It’s like a symbol of their friendship. Plus, he knows it’s the truth. Flux might be an avoidant ass, but his mask does slip from time to time, and the sight underneath is breathtaking.
"Is this is what I get for making sure you don't die," Flux deadpanned.
"Yeah, it was really nice to see you fretting over my health," he joked, "I should get headaches more often."
It was really fun to see Flux actually care for him. Despite it being a joke, he does contemplate doing it.
Flux let out a heavy sigh, "I'm killing both you and myself next time."
He sat back down, likely convinced that he couldn’t out-stubborn Saparata. They both lounged on the bench, enjoying each other’s company.
Saparata relaxed his muscles. He felt a lot more at ease. Perhaps, everything will be alright and that nightmare was solely fictive. Playing indie horror games for an entire afternoon does get one into that type of mood. His head now felt lighter.
He looked back at Flux, realizing the other’s lack of water bottle. Had he seriously just been out here for half an hour without anything to drink? Given his stubbornness, Saparata was sure that he was thirsty, but simply too socially inept to ask.
“You want water?” he offered.
“I suppose,” Flux answered.
Right, here comes Saparata’s daily reminder that Flux was an Aculon. That family was so insufferable due to their ostentatious and overly formal demeaner.
“Fuck you mean I suppose?”
“Why are you being so mean?” Flux did not think in fact think the other was being mean.
“Fine I’m sorry, but like answer the question” Saparata was exasperated.
“I mean I guess I do”
That was even worse. Saparata is wanted to gauge his eyeballs out.
“Okay just have the water,” he replied, fed up with the other, “I don’t want to hear you say anything else since it’s clear that you don’t know how to talk to people.”
Surprisingly, Flux did not retort.
Saparata tossed the plastic water bottle to the other. He caught it with grace.
“Thanks…” Flux was hesitant, “also, since you have already drank out of this bottle, this would technically count as an indirect kiss”
“Oh,” Saparata forgot about that, “Uhh, I’ll get you some water from the nearby restaurant.”
He really needed to think about the implications of what he does more often. He might even take back all his backhanded remarks about Flux’s social ineptitude. Since if it could’ve saved him from saying that he’d easily choose to not talk to others for a month.
“No, no I am fine, I just wanted to let you know,” Flux started twisting off the cap, before pausing.
“I’m fine with that too,” Saparata replied, suspicious laced in his voice, “But are you sure you’re alright since you’re the one who’s like, indirectly kissing. I know that you’re likely saying that just because you don’t want me to run 10 minutes there and back.”
“No I really am,” A faint red dusted his ears, “I am more than fine with it.”
“What do you mean by that?" Saparata was flabbergasted to say the least.
“Not much,” the flatness in his voice was dialed all the way up, concealing his true feelings, “I’ll tell you later.”
“Fine”
Flux chugged half the bottle in less than five seconds. It was weirdly impressive.
Out of the corner of his eye Saparata spotted a familiar black feline sneaking around the bench. The cat wasn’t the direct cause of the accident in his dream, but it contributed to it. Despite there not being any signs of today paralleling his dream, he wants to play it safe.
“Wait, I think my headaches getting worse,” he used the excuse that the other had handed him on a silver platter, “you can keep the water, I’ll go home.”
“You are being responsible for your health for the first time in your life,” Flux rolled his eyes. He was unaware of the cat beside him.
“Shush, you say that like you’re better,” Saparata scoffed, faking annoyance.
“Ah, but honestly I’m glad,” Flux let out an almost genuine smile “I’ll see you next time.”
Even though he probably won’t see Flux until school begins again, it’s worth it, knowing the other is safe.
“See you,” He waved goodbye.
As Saparata walked away, he heard horrified gasps from the people around him. He snapped his head around and saw a sight he’ll never forget.
Cracked ribs, ruptured organs, and red staining his whole body. The boy’s small intestines hung out from his left, a gallbladder on the right. Shrapnels of bones flew within a two meter radius. His insides were visible, blood pooled onto the bench and surrounding patches of grass. Chunks of his flesh was scattered across the general area as well.
It was Flux.
Saparata's limbs felt numb, the scene before him permanently etched itself into his mind.
He whipped his head away, unable to stand seeing Flux in such a sacrileged manner. But right before, he saw a small, though unmistakable smile.
The chirps of cicadas and torrid weather engulfed him, sending his body plummeting to the ground.
Once again, he has succumbed.
The heat haze seems plundered away a darkened world after another, each ending in the same outcome—Flux's death.
He has seen the other die in hundreds of ways under numerous circumstances. Something has to change.
He'll do it the next loop.
It has been tens of years since he's entered this cycle. And once again, Saparata finds himself on his bed, gaze boring into the calendar. For the first time since a couple hundred cycles ago, he chooses to do something different.
This time, he will take the Flux's place. He'll make sure he survives.
And so, he arrives at the park, burning with resolve. Even though Flux was consistently late in each cycle, Saparata will still come at the same time that he did in the first one. He wasn't sure if this was some sort of twisted masochism, or if he has truly gone so insane that he dressed his inconvenience as devotion.
He spotted the black haired boy rushing from a distance.
"Hey dude, where were you?" he greeted him. "You were late by 43 minutes."
"Yeah, I didn't mean to keep you waiting," Flux panted, "my dads were scolding me about not using my summer time to get an edge in school next semester."
"They sound like assholes," He scooted towards the side of the bench.
"They are," he sat, "I think being overly controlling is an Aculon family special."
"No, your sister seems nice," Saparata said.
"What about me?" Flux asked.
"No"
"You wound me!" Flux exclaimed.
The conversation fell into a dim chatter. He's been through this so many times that every dialogue and action was automated. He was eavesdropping on a conversation that he was apart of.
Every time he tried to steer the narrative down a different path, he was restrained by some innate force. It kept him from traversing too far from the original timeline. He was truly a stranger imprisoned in his own body.
And Flux, well he was the only thing keeping Saparata sane through this madness. Those amethyst eyes and witty comebacks were the sole things that remained consistent throughout. The reason he has not given up yet is because of that man, cunning like the devil, yet with a divine appearance.
His mind was a canvas, and its pallet was full of Flux. Flux had integrated himself into Saparata, and was like the world to him. No, not like the world, he was and will perpetually be Saparata's world.
But everyday since that nightmare, he had been torn away, thousands of times. And like clockwork, Saparata wakes up the day before.
But this time,
it will change.
Flux started running after the cat. Saparata followed, catching up to them. He silently thanked Flux's hatred of sunlight for causing his unathleticism.
The sensations of every past instance of this event flooded his mind.
The scent of blood leaking in between the cracks on the road, the amalgamation of cricket chirps and car honks, and the sight of Flux dead with tire marks all over him.
He saw the truck. It was a blur, but this time he was in it, pushing Flux out.
He flashed a grin at Flux. It was unsettling, as expected. It carried all the sentiment of a teen forced to live the equivalent of decades in a time loop, having to witness the gruesome death of their friend again and again.
For a split second, he could see his own body, tattered and disfigured. He also saw Flux rushing towards him, appearing completely distraught. As much as he wanted to hold on to his consciousness for the other, he was tired and he accomplished his goal.
He let the darkness take over, and surrendered himself to death.
A black hair boy was hunched over on his bed, weeping hysterical tears. Each tick of the analogue clock mounted on his wall echoed through his room. It was right before midnight on August 14th.
"It didn't work again," he murmured, inaudible through his vehement sobbing.
He contemplated giving up, but he knew that his opinion did not matter. He would be plunged into cycles over and over regardless. So he has to try.
And maybe, just seeing Saps was enough to keep him going.
He forces himself asleep, preparing for another one of these heat haze days.