Work Text:
[David Hollander stands at a sink in a home bathroom smiling warmly with a razor in on hand and a can of shaving cream in the other.]
David: Hi there, friends. I'm Daddy David and I'm here on the YouTube to show you some things you might not have had anyone to show you how to do when you were growing up. Are you feeling a little stubbled? Well, don't worry, because I'm here to shave the day! That's right, today, we're going to talk about how to shave.
[He goes through filling the sink with water and creating an edge before lathering his face with shaving cream. Once he begins to actually shave, he starts to talk about his personal life.]
David: My son Shane started shaving when he was sixteen. We thought it was because he wanted to impress his girlfriend, but we found out years later it was because he had a crush on his hockey coach, and his coach had shaved his beard off. We probably should have known he wasn't super interested in girls when he used to insist on leaving room for Jesus and he'd never stepped foot in a church in his life.
[He finishes the shave and splashes a bit of water on his face before grabbing a bottle of aftershave.]
David: Anyhoo, the key to getting a clean shave without any cuts is to let the weight of the razor do the work for you. There's no need to press down. And once you're done shaving, just rinse your face and apply a bit of after shave to make sure your skin doesn't get too irritated.
[David pats lightly at his face and then places his hands on the bathroom counter, leaning his weight against them as he smiles again.]
David: And that's it! Thanks for joining me, I hope to see you again [he picks the razor back up and waves it lightly in front of the camera] and I hope you know you're a cut above the rest.
How to Shave 21 views, 3 days ago
Dad David 2 subscribers
***
@numbertwentyfour wait, isn't this Shane Hollander's dad?
[David Hollander stands in a kitchen with several ingredients laid out on a large island. He's dressed in an Ottawa Centaurs shirt with the number 81 on the sleeves, and he leans casually against the counter with a warm smile on his face.]
David: Hi there, friends. It's good to see you again. My son, Shane, informed me that I should probably change my name on here, so you might notice the name here on the YouTube is a little different now, but the videos will be the same since so many of you enjoyed them before. So, my name is David, but you can call me, 'Internet Dad,' and today, I'm going to show you how to make your own dishwasher detergent in case you run out and can't go to the store.
[He goes through the list of ingredients, showing exactly how much washing soda, citric acid, kosher salt and the optional orange essential oil is needed, pouring each of them into a jar. When all of the ingredients are added, he places the lid on the jar and begins to vigourously shake it. He shakes the jar in silence for more than a minute before he finally puts it down on the counter and wipes his forehead.]
David: You want to make sure all of the ingredients are mixed in together, so I like to shake it for a good couple of minutes. Plus, it's a good workout. You know, I taught myself how to make this after I walked in on my son, his name is Shane, have I mentioned that? Anyway, I walked in on Shane and his boyfriend touching each other's butts and kissing once because we ran out of dishwasher tablets at our house. I didn't even know he was gay at the time. I also didn't know he was dating his rival. It was quite the day, actually. And I just ended up with more dishes and still nothing to wash them with, so this can be really helpful not only for your dishes, but also maybe not accidentally outing your son and Ilya Rozanov. You just never know. Plus, it smells really good.
[He shrugs and holds up the jar of detergent with a warm and friendly smile.]
David: Anyhoo, I hope you have a squeaky clean day and that it bubbles over with joy. I can't wait to see what we can learn together next time.
How to make dishwashing detergent 73 views
Internet Dad 19 subscribers
***
@numbertwentyfour Oh my god. Everyone get here RIGHT NOW. Shane Hollander's dad is dropping crazy Hollanov lore on the internet FOR FREE.
@h0ck3yis4luvers God, I love the internet.
@ilyaroanov81 Dad, I just made this and it does smell incredible. Thank you!
@internetdad @ilyarozanov81 hi buddy i'm glad you made it and it works i love you and i'll see you for dinner i hope this gets to you i love you bye
[David stands in an open field of a park with a colorful frisbee in his hand. He waves with the frisbee and smiles brightly at the camera, the light breeze ruffling his gray hair.]
David: Hi there, everyone. It's Internet Dad back with another how to video, and today, we're going to talk about how to throw a frisbee.
[He slowly begins to give step-by-step instructions. He shows how to point your shoulders towards your target. Then he explains gripping the disc with your thumb while placing the index finger on the outer rim and the remaining fingers underneath. And finally, David shows how to take a step with your leading foot, while extending your arm out and the snapping of the wrist to create the spin. He lets the frisbee fly where it gently lands some distance away on the soft grass. He nods, pleased with himself as he gestures toward the camera to follow him and he begins to walk toward the frisbee to collect it, talking cheerily as he goes.]
David: It's very simple once you get the hang of it! Just remember, it's really all in the wrist. You know my son, Shane, and I used to play frisbee golf a lot in the summers. It's not exactly the same as just casually tossing a frisbee, but the basics are similar, and he's an extremely competitive kid, so it was fun to go out with him to the course near our cottage. But one day we were out playing and he was standing near the basket, he was maybe sixteen? Seventeen? Anyhoo, a running group of shirtless men ran by and he wasn't paying attention and got nailed in the face and his nose was broken. You'd think with him playing in the NHL he would have suffered more than one broken nose, but nope. That's it. Just getting distracted by shirtless runners.
[David reaches the frisbee and bends down to pick it up.]
David: Thank you for joining me. I hope you can get outside and get some fresh air and enjoy tossing some plastic around with your friends.
[He lightly tosses the frisbee straight up and when it comes back down, he catches it in both hands.]
David: Hope to catch you later!
How to throw a frisbee 1,309 views
Internet Dad 201 subscribers
@ottawaforever We have to tell EVERYONE we know about this channel. EVERYONE.
@hockeyactually I ran into a pole once because I got distracted by shirtless runners, so. I love that I can finally find Shane Hollander relatable.
@h0ck3yis4luvers am I the only one who thinks David Hollander is really hot? 😳
@hockeygirl247 @h0ck3yis4luvers No.
@hockeywhore Daddy David, I love you.
@internetdad @hockeywhore a bunch of hearts send comment
@ilyarozanov81 This is the best day of my life.
[David sits on a couch in a living room that's covered in photos and hockey memorabilia. There's a laundry basket to the side of him, and he's cleared off a coffee table in front of the couch.]
David: Hi there, friends. It's Internet Dad and on today's video, I'm going to teach you about the best way to fold your laundry. Now, a lot of folks won't take the time to do this in any kind of proper way, but I can promise if you're able to take the time to do it, you and your clothes will thank me. Now, let's get started.
[He pulls out what looks to be a Montreal Voyageurs t-shirt, and when he fluffs it out and lets it hang down from his hands, burn holes can be seen on the logo. When David notices them, he looks confused until Yuna Hollander steps into the frame and grabs it from his hand.]
Yuna: I'll take that, dear.
[She pauses, holding the shirt so the holes can still clearly be seen, giving the camera a pointed look before she exits the frame again. David reaches in to grab another shirt.]
David: Okay, well. Let's try this again.
[He lays the shirt on the coffee table, explaining the process as he goes along. He folds one side in first, then folds the sleeve again, the follows with the other side on top, again folding the sleeve in before making the bottom slightly narrower and then folding the bottom of the shirt upwards. He demonstrates this again with several different types of clothing, speaking softly as he folds until the entire basket is finished.]
David: My son, Shane, loves to fold clothes. It's always soothed him, and one time when he was feeling really restless after a loss in Montreal when he was about thirteen, we took him to Simons hoping we could cheer him up with some new clothes, but he spent an hour in there refolding shirts and pants, and the manager came over and kicked us out. He was effectively banned from the store, and I don't think he's ever gone back, which is a shame because they have a really nice selection. Anyhoo, I hope you've learned something today, and that this knowledge can help take a load off your shoulders.
[He gives the camera an exaggerated wink.]
David: You're loved and I'll see you next time.
How to fold laundry 5,205 views
Internet Dad 673 subscribers
@iloveshanehollander OMG Daddy David. That wink. I love you.
@internetdad @iloveshanehollander I love you, too, friend.
@andrea1989 Shane Hollander being banned from Simons is some CRAZY lore.
@hollzy24 This is actually the sweetest thing.
@ilyarozanov81 My little laundry folding freak ❤️❤️❤️❤️🥹 Thank you for this.
@internetdad @ilyarozanov81 Of course, buddy. Look, I can respond to comments now all on my own. Mom didn't even have to give me any instructions this time.
@ilyarozanov81 @internetdad You're doing so good ❤️
[David sits in a room with a large puzzle table in front of him. There's a puzzle box with an image of a Saskatchewan grain elevator and wheat field underneath a bright blue sky. The grain elevator has the slogan 'Land of the Living Skies' painted on it.]
David: Hi there, my friends. I'm Internet Dad, and today, we're going to talk about the best way to build a puzzle.
[He begins to sort pieces, first finding the corners and border, and then making piles based on color. He works meticulously, describing the process as he goes. As he starts to make a pile of blue pieces for the sky, he tells a story.]
David: Now, this isn't the first time I've taught someone how to put a puzzle together. My son's boyfriend Ilya and I started doing puzzles together a few years ago, and he was a mess with technique the first time. He just wanted to find matching pieces and hope for the best, but this is really the only way to go, especially when you have one that's as complicated as this one with the wheat and the sky. But once he learned, it's become one of our favorite things to do together. We can just talk for hours and eat and drink expensive vodka. We're so lucky to have him in our lives.
[He stops and looks at his piles, nodding once to show he's pleased with how they look.]
David: This is going to be a tough one, but I think it'll be worth it when it's finished! I always feel so accomplished when I'm done with one of these. Anyhoo, I hope you can find a puzzle partner that makes your life a piece of cake. See you next time!
How to build a puzzle 10,411 views
Internet Dad 2,359 subscribers
@censfan Came for the Shane Lore, stayed for the Ilya story 🥺
@rednblack He really is the Internet's Dad OMG this is so wholesome
@montrealfemme where can i find a partner that wants to sit and do puzzles with my dad?
@enthecrease I just know Shane Hollander is out there breathing a sigh of relief this week lol
@happyforhockey I will never get the image out of my head of Ilya Rozanov haphazardly putting a puzzle together only to be gently corrected by Daddy David.
@ilyarozanov81 @happyforhockey He is the best ❤️
[David stands in front of a large window. He has a drill in his hand, and what appear to be curtain rods lean against a chair where fabric is draped over the arm.]
David: Hi there, my friends. I'm Internet Dad, and today, we're going to be hanging curtains. Now, there's several different kinds of curtains you can buy, but these are just your typical, run of the mill curtains that can protect your privacy along with those outside your home.
[He goes through measuring and marking the wall with masking tape, drilling the wall brackets in, threading the curtains onto the rod, and finally hanging the rod onto the brackets. He pulls one side of the curtains back and lets the sunlight filter in while he talks.]
David: These may seem like an obvious thing to have, but I think they're very important, especially when you might be filming a video that's going to be sent to a stranger, and you have guests over at your house that are in a secret relationship because they know the world won't accept them even when they're doing nothing wrong, and then you catch them in the background of your video kissing and then they're outed to the entire world because you didn't have curtains up that could have prevented this whole thing from happening.
[He lets the curtain go, his face is more drawn than it's ever been in one of his videos, as the room darkens again and there's a beat of silence while the camera adjusts to the new lighting. Once it does, David is smiling again, his usual pleasant demeanor back in full force.]
David: Anyhoo, I hope this was helpful, and always remember to respect the privacy of everyone around you. That's something you can hang your curtains on. See you next time!
How to hang curtains 15,677 views
Internet Dad 3,002 subscribers
@numbertwentyfour Hayden Pike your days are clearly numbered 😂
@zamboneydriv3r Oh wow. Daddy David got angry 😯
@centaurzzz Surprised this wasn't the topic of his very first video!
@rednblack You get 'em, Internet Dad!!
@hollys09 What do you mean I'm getting to watch Shane Hollander's dad send a barely guarded message to Hayden Pike about accidentally outing his son and his son's boyfriend? God, I love the internet.
@ilyarozanov81 @haydenpikemontreal Just in case this is too subtle for you to understand, he's talking to you 😇
[David stands next to Ilya Rozanov inside a bedroom while Shane sits off to the side in a chair. They're all three in suits, Shane in gray, Ilya in burgundy, and David in a lighter shade of gray, but Shane and Ilya aren't wearing ties. They all appear calm and happy and relaxed, though it's clear David has tears in his eyes when he starts to speak to the camera.]
David: Hi, my friends. I'm Internet Dad, and today is a very special day. Today, we're going to learn how to tie a tie for someone else. I know a lot of you might know how to do this for yourself, but it's a little different on someone else since you're working in reverse. Ilya, son, would you come here.
[His voice trembles a bit at the end, and Ilya takes a step toward David, allowing a tie to be draped around his neck. David begins to explain the steps: crossing the wide end, looping the tuck, strengthening the knot and adjusting the length. By the time Ilya's tie is neatly tied, a tear has slipped down Ilya's cheek as he nods his thanks.]
David: I'm so sorry you don't have your family here, today.
[Ilya shakes his head, his lips pursed as he clearly tries to hold back more tears before he wraps David into a crushing hug.]
Ilya: My family is here.
[They finally part, David smiling at Ilya, a look of pride clear on his face. He then turns to Shane, who is taking steadying breaths in the chair, obviously emotional as well.]
David: Your turn, kiddo.
[Shane stands and walks to his father, who repeats the same steps with Shane's tie, slowly walking through them and explaining as he goes. Shane's face crumbles as David tightens the knot against his collar, and David reaches up to brush at Shane's tears.]
David: Being your dad has been the absolute joy of my life. I have never been more proud of you. [He looks to Ilya.] Of either of you.
[David pulls them both in for a hug, the three men standing huddled together in the middle of the room. Yuna walks in with flower boxes, stopping short when she sees them, her face going soft even as her eyes roll a bit at the display. She walks toward them, speaking a gentle reminder that it's time for them to finish getting dressed, but Ilya takes her arm and wraps her in the hug with them while she fusses about crushing the flowers. They eventually break a part, Yuna pinning them all with boutonnieres before she lightly pushes at the boy's backs.]
Yuna: Come on. Let's go greet your guests.
[The video switches, showing brief scenes throughout the night. A kiss to cheers, a dance, cake cutting, children running through the yard as a medium-sized brown dog chases them while adults mingle about laughing and happy. At the end of the montage, David is seen back on the screen walking into the house as he chats away with himself.]
David: And that is how you tie a tie for your sons on their wedding day. I'm so glad you—oh, shit!
[He breaks off, only just noticing Ilya and Shane pressed against a doorway near the kitchen, hands grabbing at any and every part of each other they can reach as the kiss passionately. They break away when they hear David, Shane blinking for the span of a few seconds as his mind tries to catch up with what he's seeing. When it does, he looks instantly annoyed.]
Shane: Seriously, Dad? Again?
How to tie a tie for your kids on their wedding day 104,899 views
Internet Dad 38,091 subscribers
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