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He stared through the glass at Sora’s sleeping face.
I can’t change.
His body didn’t feel like his. He remembered how Ansem had taken over him, an ugly transformation that always lingered at the back of his thoughts. Riku slowly lifted his keyblade to his heart, closing his eyes and remembering how easily Sora had sacrificed himself for Kairi. Would Riku have done the same, for her? He wasn’t so sure. He felt the tip of Souleater press into the middle of his chest, felt his sternum rise and fall beneath it. He felt angry. He felt angry, but it was no longer at Sora, like it had been eons ago when the door had opened- when Riku had opened the door. Nothing would ever be the same. Destiny Islands had been recompleted, but Riku was more broken then he had ever been, or at least, allowed himself to realize. With the darkness, with Ansem holding him together, using his body for his own bidding, he at least felt whole. Now, with no Ansem, no Sora, he felt like he was constantly on fire.
Who are you now?
Pathetic. Riku let his arm fall, Souleater’s edge clacking against the ground before vanishing as Riku let the keyblade go. He looked into the mirror on his left, and saw only hollow eyes looking back.
~~~
Riku sat on the edge of Hollow Bastion’s upper tower. Somewhere below, he watched Mickey leave. Sora was awake and travelling, and Riku would soon follow. It hurt, to see his laughing face from the shadows. Not that Riku would want Sora to look any way else, but Riku knew he would never get to share in that joy. Sora was doing fine, great even, without Riku. He didn’t need Riku, and yet Riku couldn’t seem to let him go. All he ever did was hurt him, over and over and over, and yet Riku still had the audacity to yearn for his company. How entitled. Riku scoffed, summoning his keyblade. He looked at Souleater, slowly bringing it to his other arm. The black cloak covered up to the bottom of his wrist, black gloves covering the rest. He used the tip to push the fabric away, revealing tan skin and flaking scabs. He didn’t need to wear a brace anymore, though he was sure that his old body hadn’t fully healed. His new body though… his new body was too healthy. Too strong. Too familiar. He dragged the sharp edge against the exposed flesh. It stung, and was more than deep enough to draw blood, but Riku didn’t flinch, not even when the blade caught and tugged at the scabs. He only felt himself get angrier, gritting his teeth to hold back. Sora didn’t need him, but he would not allow himself to avoid atonement by being so cowardly as to kill himself. He took a deep breath, and then threw his keyblade at the wall behind him. It collided with a sharp ring before disappearing back into his hand. Riku stared down at it, watching as he carefully turned it back towards his heart, a comfortable ritual as his eyes glossed over, imagining Sora in his place. How had it felt? How much had he loved Kairi, to die for her? Riku knew that he could do it, just like Sora. He would die for his love too.