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There came a point of exhaustion where the body no longer felt any desire to actually rest. His brain was naturally stubborn to it's core, to the point where his mind and body would hold on until he reached the point of fainting. As he sat beside the extravagant canals of Old Sharlayan, looking at nothing in particular, Nero struggled to decide whether or not he wanted his body to continue in it's fruitless effort or crash onto the nearest flat surface before he could be found.
The Ironworks were celebrating after countless hours of unforgiving work. It was a miracle they were able to fix the ship from the island's so-called "engineers" and their handiwork. His beloved would never agree, but Nero was certain that times of peace brought on technological stagnation. By not involving themselves in war, the Sharlayans were not nearly as prepared to face intercontinental, let alone interstellar, travel in comparison to Garlemald. It was odd to both pride himself in the weight that rested on his shoulders yet to remain so envious of their peace. The Sharlayans were curious, growing, and alive. Nero could build hundreds of ships for his people and they would all be empty.
His fingertips ran through his long hair as he dismissed the thoughts. There was more than enough for him to worry about right here, right now. Mainly about the very man who was to fix all of their worries—Nero had to force himself to believe it so. If he didn't, his mind would itself to fall into the abyss that it always reached at his worst: total and utter apathy.
He rested his hand gently against his navel as he leaned back in his chair, contemplating the orange and purple hue of the sky, wondering what colors awaited them in infinity. Would Alabaster return and describe them to him? Would Nero live to see them? What great big future awaited them after this incomprehensible enemy, beyond even his own understanding? When Alabaster explained the past he traveled to, within the safety of hushed whispers of their sporadic moment of privacy, Nero found himself with the terrifying need to pray.
Not that he'd ever tell the Warrior of Light his atheism faltered. What sort of Garlean would he be if he admitted anything so vulnerable? Like many secrets he still held, some from a past he wished to forget, some far too new to even process, he was prepared to take them to his grave.
Then, before he could allow himself to panic, just as he had done that very morning, Nero heard a sound so specific he'd committed it to memory. It was the subtle sound of thin, gold chains moving to-and-fro with each step accompanied by the sway of a long tail. Nero turned his head just enough to acknowledge the younger man's presence, but he did not move an inch from his chair. He crossed his arms on instinct with the same stubborn instinct that kept him awake. Far too many times had the hero faltered at his doorstep, hesitated before a touch, whispered words that should have been shouted from rooftops. No more. Nero looked at the water and waited for the steps to grow closer.
A small exhale of relief still escaped him when he felt the man stand by his side.
"Neglecting your duties?" The Commander asked, with the same feigned nonchalance they have perfected after years of playing the same role.
"Hm…? No, I am not neglecting my duties. Honestly, am I not allowed even a moment to myself? A genius needs to reflect on his thoughts, you know." Nero said with a forced smirk.
The au ra rested his hand against the back of his chair. Nero expected to hear the wood crack under the man's strength. Instead, it hid the way Alabaster's fingers gently touched the back of his neck. It was as if all the blood in Nero's body rushed to the soft skin just to be near his touch. It used to be very noticeable whenever Nero felt flush, now it hid safely hidden behind long, golden curls—just as Alabaster liked it.
"Of course. I did not mean to intrude." Said the au ra. "I meant only to ask if you were busy tonight. I would like to share some words before my… journey."
Nero swallowed. "Garlond wants to throw a soiree in the Studium to raise spirits. Jessie will be the one organizing it, of course, but it does not interest me." The thought of attenting made him nauseous. To watch everyone celebrate while he waited for his lover's return would force him to abandon all subtlety. "The Ragnarok is completely operational. I will be very cross if I am called again, I checked everything in triplicate by my own accord. It is sound."
A long finger wrapped itself up with a thread of his golden hair. Nero could feel the long claw press against his skin. It almost made him shiver. "That is reassuring. I trust your intellect, Mister Scaeva, for it has saved my life many times before." Alabaster said with a fond tone. "If that is the case, I assume you will be free to join me at sundown."
"Sundown? Are you certain?" Nero lowered his shades. The implication was hidden in his expression, one that Alabaster had grown accustomed to deciphering.
He chuckled. "Ah, I suppose not sundown. Later in the night would be best." Once the Scions have said their goodbyes, he could imagine the young man say, as he had so many times before.
Nero pushed his shades back into place. "I will see if I have the strength for it."
"I have purchased a tab on your behalf in The Last Stand. It will last you three moons, four if you do not go daily." Alabaster said as if he was nonchalantly speaking about the weather.
"Do you expect to be gone that long?" He almost gritted his teeth at the mere thought of waiting moons for the man to return. The researchers at the Studium had estimated the star was to be destroyed in far less than that. Mayhap the young man was trying to reassure him.
"You of all people know very well that I know nothing." Alabaster replied. "I shall go where they take me for however long they need me." His words would usually sound heroic and inspiring. Today, he spoke as if he'd reached the final step of grief. Nero felt envious once again
The tender touch left the back of his neck, though the heat on his skin remained. Nero had to stop himself from reaching it just to make sure it was real. It could be the exhaustion, the revelation he'd been struck by this morning, or the fact that his beloved was about to leave the star to fight a god at the edge of the universe. Logic had left his mind hours ago.
Nero looked back at the au ra as he walked away without another word. After years of finding ways to communicate that did not involve speaking, Nero knew Alabaster was only silent when he was certain of something. If he wasn't, he would be a stuttering mess, begging for reassurance from Nero until he finally believed it to be true. He knew Nero would come to him, he knew Nero would never allow him to leave without saying goodbye. They would never allow each other to do so anymore.
Nero stood and slowly walked to The Last Stand, his stomach rumbling loudly just to remind his stubborn mind that if it insisted upon staying awake until his little rendezvous, it would need to eat. He might feel heartbroken, abandoned, and terrified of what was to come, but he'd be dammed if he ever passed on the opportunity to enjoy the little luxuries the Warrior of Light constantly offered. Whether they were gift or a penance, he would never deny Alabaster's generosity again. Especially if this was to be the last…
Nero shook the intrusive thoughts away and looked upon the nearby sea, desperate for the moment the sun finally hid beneath the waves.
Damn it all, Nero thought to himself. I've even started imitating his melancholy.
—
Truth be told, Nero expected Alabaster to stay in the Levilleur mansion during his stay in Old Sharlayan. The grandiosity of the mansion rivaled even that of the Baidur estate, even if it was far less colorful than the traditional Ul'dahn decor he'd grown quite fond of over the years. Still, just like Alabaster, the Levilleurs had all the gil in the world. Nero had little time to spy on his lover's interactions as much as he usually would, but all evidence pointed at the likelihood that the family would be incredibly fond of the Warrior of Light, especially considering the way he cared for their young twins.
Despite this, Alabaster and the rest of the Scions chose to stay in the Baldesion Annex. The Warrior of Light did not dare suffer through a lack of luxuries, of course, and rented out the inn just for his small group of adventurers and revolutionaries. It was as if the younger man was making Nero's arrival as difficult as possible. Alabaster was lucky he was such a talented spy.
Their method was always the same—if Alabaster flickered the light twice, the coast was clear for him to enter through the window. Three times meant he could enter through the main doors with no problem, though that was typically reserved only for cities that did not know Nero's former connections to the Empire, which were becoming far and few in between. If Alabaster turned off the light entirety, it was a sign for Nero to flee. Thankfully for them, and unfortunately for Nero's knees, the light flickered twice. The garlean rushed to quickly scale up two stories with no aid but his own contraptions. Everything in this damn island was made of beautifully polished stone and marble, not exactly the most conducive material for climbing. Nevertheless, he made it inside with minimal effort and without detection.
A hand came to gently grab his own, large and strong with claws as hard as diamonds. Nero knew the touch better than he knew the sound of his own heartbeat. Alabaster helped him down from the window with the same manner as one would help a damsel down some stairs, and a smile that never failed to make Nero feel like the most important man in the world. Tonight, he could pretend he was, at least until Alabaster returned as an even bigger hero than he already was.
As per usual, Nero felt incredibly under-dressed beside the man. If he had the time, he would have dressed in one of the many dresses or slips that Alabaster had gifted him over the years, but it would be impossible for him to walk towards the Baldesion Annex in such an outfit without arousing suspicion. Nero instead opted for a red turtleneck and a pair of dark, expensive trousers—both also gifted by Alabaster. The au ra was dressed as casually as he could tolerate being, which was still far more effort than anyone should put into dressing when confined to their bedroom in the dead of the night. A half buttoned up shirt, perfectly tailored trousers that must have been steamed just moments ago, and a leather shoes more expensive than Nero's existence. All just to greet Nero for a final rendezvous that no doubt came with the expectation that all of their clothing would be promptly thrown to the floor.
Nero smirked as he noticed the inn room's decor. The lights were dimly lit, the orchestrion played the gentle voice of a crooning garlean, the table already outfitted with sweets and wine for them to share, and the nearby mattress looked as inviting as ever, adorned with rose petals and sweet perfume. "Did you prepare all of this before or after your Scions went to bed?" Nero asked.
"In between each of their visits, I scattered the rose petals as Y'shtola and I spoke. I assume her lack of sight wouldn't allow her to notice the romantic flair I added, but one can never be too sure with her." Alabaster chuckled. "Wine?"
Nero paused. The younger man poured them both a glass before he could even respond, seeing as his answer was always a resounding yes please. He cursed under his breath and shook his head, "None for me tonight."
He eyed the au ra's face for a hint of suspicion but saw none. Alabaster simply nodded and drank his own glass in a quick gulp, setting it aside for now. Where he would usually see an air of anxiety and nerves from his lover, he instead watched as a confident man wrapped his arms around his waist so they could sway to the music. It was certainly loud enough for Alabaster's allies to overhear. Would they think anything of it? Should either of them even bother to care if they, on a night like this?
"You want to talk about it." Alabaster stated softly. There was no need to elaborate on what it was. "Usually it is the other way around."
Nero scoffed. "Tonight is different and you know it."
"How so?"
"I never had a doubt in my mind you would return. No matter the trial, I at least knew you would survive every single time. The Hero of the Star, untouched even when battling so-called gods and their rabid followers. And now…" He grit his teeth as he forced himself to say it out loud. "It is statistically unlikely, but I am uncertain. You know how I detest uncertainty. My work on the Ragnarok was enough to keep my mind distracted, but now that it is finished…"
A carefully manicured hand takes his own, callouses of their shared labor and violence touching with a gentleness they were still unused to. "What an honour it is to be the object of your worries. There was a time in my life I thought you worried about nothing."
"I was under the same impression." Nero admitted. "You are the ever anxious one, the very thought of public speaking would almost make you faint. Yet you stand unafraid at the thought of traversing the stars. Are you certain you are my Alabaster?"
"Prometheus lies dormant in my mind, if that is your worry. It is I and I alone for you." With an effortless twirl at the swell of the song, Nero is turned until his back is pressed against the taller man's muscular chest. "Do not mistake my calm for my lack of fear. I have kept it hidden all week, it has become instinctual to hide it in front of the people I love."
"Smooth talker."
"I learned from the best." The young man replied as he pressed a kiss to his neck. A familiar heat overtook his body at the touch. One that was electric and comforting all the same. The same large hands that were swaying him to the music now held him in place as they explored his torso. A cold touch pressed against the flushed skin underneath his sweater. "And believe me, at this moment, I am at ease."
"You need not lie to me." Nero muttered. "If you must cry, faint, scream, I would not fault you. Dare I admit I would be doing the very same under your circumstances. If I could only go with you—"
"That is out of the question."
"You need my expertise! What if the ship is in need of repair? What if you need another pilot? What if—"
"We've the help of the rabbits."
Nero scoffed. "The loporrits would not be opposed."
"But I am. I need you here." Alabaster took a deep breath. "Selfish as it may be, I see no reason in saving a world that does not have you. I will not put you nor my own sanity at risk. You will stay and that is final."
There was no point it rehashing the argument. Especially not so close to the launch. Nero loved to argue, there was no denying it, but he only enjoyed it when it was against an opponent be wanted to anger, which was most people. Despite this, the thought of Alabaster being angry at him before he was set to leave would probably drive him insane. Under any other circumstances, with any other adventure, Alabaster would be ecstatic to allow Nero to join him. This was the first love where he had no regrets with how it transpired, how they met, and how they have continued despite it all. Really, his only regret was not asking to join the Warrior of Light in an adventure sooner.
When Alabaster returned, they should go to the to the ends of the star together.
"Worry not, I shall scream and panic tomorrow in the Ragnarok as it take off. I made a passing comment that the twins might have to tranquilize me before it we leave the atmosphere. Unfortunately, they did not laugh and took it all rather seriously." Alabaster waved a hand with the nonchalance of a man who knew he might meet a certain death. "But I am at ease, I assure you. When I am with you, I can forget about my responsibilities. That was the lie you seduced me with, after all. A few hours with a mysterious, unnamed, handsome garlean who would make me feel at ease in exchange for a few secrets…"
Nero smiled fondly at the memory. It was almost five summers ago when he first met the young man just to seduce him out of intel, only to be seduced in return. "Ah, so you only liked me because I was a distraction to your work?"
Alabaster skillfully helped out Nero out of his clothes, folding it as his eyes scanned his lover's muscular yet slender frame. "Amongst other things I've become quite fond of."
"Are you attempting to seduce me with a lie too?"
Alabaster tilted his head. "Whatever lie might that be?"
"The one where you pretend you aren't fearing for your life." Nero said.
"And here I was under the impression that we were both playing the same role." The young man replied with a sad smile. "Are you scared?"
Nero tensed. "Terrified, which is not a feeling I am accustomed to, being a man as trained and intelligent as I."
"Then we shall remove our masks tomorrow once I'm flung into space. But, tonight, why don't we kiss and lie to each other?"
Nero stepped forward to assist the young man out of his own clothing. The touch alone was enough to tear Alabaster's attention away from folding his clothes—a force of habit he'd never understand from the Ul'dahn. Regardless, the Warrior of Light's attention was entirely on him. A single amber eye stared into his own as Nero reached up to remove the last article of clothing. The eye-patch covered Alabaster's greatest shame, the event that proved to his family that he was an embarrassment to be hidden away and ignored. Nero's finger gently soothed the old, deep scar. The only one inflicted upon Alabaster that never truly healed. There was a time when the very thought of removing his eye-patch in front of anyone was unthinkable to Alabaster. Now, Nero yearned to see him without it, knowing that the sight was for him and him alone. If this was the last time he was to see the other man, he would see him completely or not at all.
Their lips pressed together with a welcome sense of desperation, both of them hungry to taste the other as much as they could, as if they were to forget it in the morning. It was incredibly easy for Alabaster to pick his lover up as if he was light as air. Nero's heart raced every damn time the young man treated him like this, more like a damsel than a man twice his age. He'd long since came to terms with the fact that it did not perturb him in the slightest. Alabaster made him feel young, both thanks to his aether and his affections. Being in love was supposed to be exciting, he hadn't realized just how much he missed it until it was too late to easily fall out of it. Why would he? His head and heart finally felt light. Alabaster guided him to bed with a hungry look in his eyes—or eye, rather—and the unspoken promise of devouring every last part of him.
Then, almost like a cruel joke, Nero felt his head grow far too light for his own good. He covered his mouth and hurled himself to the edge of the bed. It was a good thing he moved quickly, just in case he vomited over the beautiful bed sheets that Alabaster had no doubt requested. After taking a few deep breaths, no vomit actually escaped him, but the nausea did not subside.
"Nero?!" Alabaster said in shock as he watched the older man. Thankfully, he wasted no time in grabbing the nearest bowl and holding it near Nero's head. "Whatever is the matter?"
"We didn't have the time to eat whilst working on the Ragnarok. They supplied us with that dreaded archon loaf. I think it's catching up to me…" It was a half-truth. He had been subsiding mostly on the disgusting Sharlayan 'bread', but it was not the reason for his nausea. It was clear that Alabaster believed him, he knew the au ra well enough to know he was far too picky about his own food to ever try the invention.
"Is there anything I can get you? Should I call for a medic?"
"No! No." Nero sighed and laid back down on the mattress. "I will be fine. But I'm afraid I might not be well enough to… satisfy you."
Alabaster offered a warm smile that immediately pissed Nero off. "That is alright—"
"It isn't." Nero interrupted. "This isn't how this night was supposed to go. It was supposed to be perfect. Perfect! One last bloody hurrah before you go to the unknown and I may never see you again."
"Darling…"
Nero closed his eyes. "Your last memory of me will have me sickly and paler than usual." He groaned, feeling quite pathetic.
"Nonsense. You look as handsome as ever, and the island's sun has kissed your skin to a lovely hue." His lover consoled him with a gentle kiss. Nothing about Alabaster's tone indicated that he was disappointed, which was maddening. It would make far more sense to Nero if the young man displayed even hint of resentment. Maybe it would make lying to him far easier.
There was a time where lying to the man had been as instinctual as breathing. Every instinct in his mind was telling him simply admit exactly what was going on. And yet, the words Alabaster had shared just moments ago rang in his mind. I will not put you nor my own sanity at risk. Nero's truth no doubt would send Alabaster to a horrid state and, unfortunately, the safety of the universe was their current priority.
"Would you like a cigarette?" Alabaster asked.
Desperately, Nero thought to himself despite his best judgment. "No, I don't want to risk feeling worse." He paused. "I cannot recall the last time we met like this and didn't have sex."
"Neither do it… Yet, we both deserve a calming night, don't you agree?"
"Do you truly expect me to simply lie here for the rest of the night? I fear I might not last very long, my exhaustion will catch up to me." Nero said as he pressed his body against Alabaster's. Hard, cool skin pressed against his flushed body. Running his fingers against the dark scales, he did his best to commit the patterns to memory.
"We haven't slept for days. Mayhaps it's for the best." Alabaster reassured him. There was no point in protesting, especially not as the young man wrapped his arms around his body and curled his long, dexterous tail around his leg. Nero was trapped against him without the means nor strength to escape. There was nowhere he'd rather be.
The instant Nero closed his eyes a final wave of exhaustion hit his body, one so strong he could no longer ignore it. His hands flew up to grab Alabaster's arms and squeeze. His meager strength was no match for the Warrior of Light's, but the touch was for his own sake. Years of military service and chronic insomnia made him into a light sleeper—if Alabaster were to leave without waking him, Nero would feel him slipping from his grasp. The tight squeeze from the other man no doubt served the same purpose. Mayhaps, when Alabaster returned, they would both learn to sleep without an underlying sense of paranoia.
A whisper was spoken against his ear, one so soft he could have sworn he dreamt it.
"I don't want to go," the au ra said with the tone of a man who never said the words aloud before. "There are times where I detest this title. I truly do. But I've no choice. I am sorry."
It was a moments like these where he remembered just how young the Warrior of Light was. Three and twenty summers, thrust into saving the world the instant he became a man without a moment of reprieve save for nights like these, where he momentarily become a person again in Nero's arms. The words were probably not meant for Nero to hear, but he replied regardless, his fatigue ridding him of his common sense.
"When you return, we will get away from it."
Alabaster rested his face against the sweet smelling soft curls on the back of his head, grown and tended to just for his lover's sake, just as one would with a garden in a shared home. "From what?"
"Your work. Your destiny. Whatever they may want from you." He yawned. "Just be sure to save the universe so there may be something to return to." Nero said, both as a threat and a pleading.
"Yes…" The younger man said with a tone of realization, as if everything had suddenly clicked into place. Selfishly, without thinking of the rest of the world nor its impending doom, Alabaster pressed a kiss to the back of Nero's neck.
"For us. I shall go for us." He promised. With that, Nero finally allowed himself to rest, hoping dearly it prepared him for what was to come.