Chapter Text
Chapter 1
Today's Bouquet; Nasturtium, Heliotrope, Orange Lily, Red Columbine, Dragonwort
Cw; attempted suicide, suicidal ideation, obsession, Victim blaming, Manipulation
There's hesitation before he pulls the trigger.
A single moment where he questioned himself - if this was really how he wanted things to end - and his finger failed to fully push down on the trigger like he meant to.
The thought had been in the back of his mind ever since that… 'customer service' call. Maybe the thought had appeared once or twice even before that. The idea of it seemed nice - leaving everything behind to finally rest. No Verity, no living in fear, no fearing that every little move he made would set him off.. just.. nothing. A void maybe, or possible something else. Maybe he would simply just… stop existing.
He had no idea what could lie on the other side, but it had to be better than this, right?
It would hurt, he knew that, but then he could be free.
He had braced himself for the inevitability of pain - white hot and blinding as a metal bullet tore through the soft flesh of his chin to travel up through his jaw into his brain. He had tried to comfort himself with the thought that it would just last a second, maybe two as long as he aimed correctly. He wasn't exactly sure of the logistics, he hadn't exactly researched his chosen method considering he had chosen it maybe ten seconds ago - amidst Verity's sob story that he couldn't even muster up an ounce of empathy for.
He looked forward to what would follow - peace, hopefully. Anything that wasn't an eternity with Verity. Perhaps he could even reunite with Twixxel as his consciousness ceased to exist on the mortal plane.
He so desperately wanted to see his friend again - to hug him and apologize for everything that happened, for getting him killed, getting him involved in the first place. It was a burden he alone should have shouldered - he never should have brought anyone else in. Inviting him into this world had been basically inviting him to his own death sentence.
He could even almost see Twixxel welcoming him to the other side, like a hazy image behind Verity. He could almost hear him, too. 'You don't have to go this far, just to see me, bro,' with that slight laugh in his voice he did when he was trying to cut through tension. Or maybe he would be angry at him, for his death. Mob wouldn't blame him.
His death, everything that followed, it was all his fault.
Why should he get to survive, when he had practically killed Twixxel?
But still - he didn't want to die. He didn't want things to end this way. He was so terribly afraid of death, of pain, of what it would feel like, and, as much as he looked forward to what could follow, he was equally as afraid of it.
But it felt like there was no other way.
How else could he escape?
No matter what, Verity would follow him. He could go to the ends of the earth and Verity would still find him - as he had made very clear. Verity would always find him.
The chains Verity had wrapped around him were wrapped so tight it was suffocating - the only way out would be to go somewhere Verity couldn't follow.
He hadn't exactly been absorbing much of Verity's spiel, but one thing had been made clear to him; Verity couldn't die.
It was almost bittersweet, the feeling that washed over him as he made peace with his decision. He feared the unknown, feared death itself, but at least Verity wouldn't be able to follow.
It was just a second of hesitation.
And, in that split second - between wondering if this was really his only choice and his finger finally beginning to press down on the trigger, a hand grabs tightly onto his wrist, wrenching the gun away violently as it goes off with a loud bang.
Mobs previously closed eyes fly open in a panic as the bullet tears through the ceiling, instead of tender flesh and hard bone like it was supposed to - ears left ringing in the aftermath, a sharp pain in his right ear like that of a needle digging into it. Sharp, piercing and unforgiving.
His eyes catch onto the smoking hole the bullet leaves behind.
Small and insignificant as it was, Mob couldn't tear his eyes away from it. What it represented.
He was still alive.
He was alive and well and not a corpse on the ground like he had planned on - breathing and so horribly present. His chest heaves with every breathe, he could feel the shaking in his entire body, like static. He felt the clothes on his body, the clawed and thin, bony, hand wrapped around his wrist-
Mobs breathe hitches, catching in his throat as a terrifying clarity washes over him, like everything was suddenly in HD.
His wrist was being held away from him by a hand, clutching it so tight Mob could feel the bones creaking under the pressure. Which meant something was holding onto him.
And there was only one other entity in this world - as Verity made sure of.
He doesn't dare look away from the ceiling , chin still jutted up to the sky from when he had turned the gun on himself, nestling it under his chin. He didn't want to confirm the reality of what had to be in front of him - the monster that was the main character in every one of his nightmares since he had experienced it first hand.
It was easier to draw a line between Verity and the Monster when Verity himself looked so different - a harmless , friendly yellow ball with a seemingly permanent smile on his face verses an impossibly tall entity with long limbs and a disfigured face with bones that cracked with its every movement.
He could categorize them differently in his head. They were the same thing, but Verity was at least partially safe. As long as he stayed in that ball form, Mob could relax minutely.
That other form, on the other hand…
He had yet to have an experience that wasn't terror and pain, fleeing, adrenaline coursing through his veins as it screeched and ran after him.
His chest was heaving, heart pounding so hard it felt like it was slamming itself against his ribs in an attempt to burst out of his chest, that high pitched whining buzz still ringing in his ears - muting every other sound like he was hearing it through a wall.
His eyes finally trailed down.
Verity had transformed in that split second of hesitation, that much was already obvious. The entity was focused entirely on him with a terrifying intensity, mouth open, saliva dripping from sharp teeth as its own chest heaved.
It was angry.
"V-Ver-!"
"You'd rather die than stay with me!?" The grip on his wrist tightened, and Mob winced, something like a whimper leaving his lips. Its voice was muffled, like Mob was submerged under water, but still loud and distorted like it usually was when it was like this.
It was terrifyingly angry.
Mobs hands shook as he took in the monster before him, terror so thick you could practically cut it. Hulking form, hunched over him, holding his wrist so tightly it was beginning to ache, deep rumbling growls coming from its chest that set off old instincts he thought he had shoved far enough down they'd never resurface.
He had to have reached the limits of Verity's patience by now, right? With this latest stunt, going into the room he had been explicitly forbidden from entering, trying to get rid of him…
Verity had killed for less. Killed everyone else for trying to leave, and Mob had basically tried to leave thrice now in quick succession.
He had to be next. Another 'x' on a sign in a sea of others (right next to Twixxels-).
Mob almost took solace in this fact.
It looked angry enough to kill - and Verity was probably starving.
It wouldn't be by his own hand, and the last thing Mob wanted was to be eaten, but at least he would be free-
"After everything!? Everything I said? Everything I've done for you!?" Its voice rose with every word, Its face looming ever closer to Mobs, sharp teeth on display like a threat - snapping in his face.
Mob free hand instinctively came up to grip at Verity's as its grip tightened once again, now to an almost painful degree. Mob tried to claw it away, fighting against the grip, teeth gritted as he fought back a grunt of pain. Verity's hold was absolute, like trying to break out of a steel cage. Or a metal shackle.
"YOU DON'T GET TO DO THAT!"
Mob shut his eyes tight as Verity's teeth gnashed, snapping at him like he wanted to swallow him whole.
Was that Twixxel's blood he could smell on his breath, or was he imagining things?
He almost hoped those teeth would close over him already and end his suffering.
"Let me-"
"NO!"
His voice was terrifyingly clear through the haze, the ringing in his ears finally beginning to die down.
Both of his hands were captured now, both held away from his body, the grip now so painful Mob let out an involuntary, audible cry of pain. The gun clattered uselessly to the floor with a metallic 'clang' as he lost his grip on it.
Verity looked as if it was only just barely holding itself back from outright maiming him, drool dripping from its lips, shaking like it was taking effort to not eat him.
"YOU PROMISED!" Mob flinches as far back as he could, shaking.
"I SHOULD KILL YOU-"
Then, he seemed to glitch - that distorted, stretched face twitching, and for a moment, Mob could see the spherical shape of Verity's original form. It was gone before he could process it, leaving him wondering if he actually saw it.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry- NO, NO NONONO YOU TRIED TO LEAVE- We could get home before nightfall if we left now- why would you do something like that-?" Its voice kept wavering, switching between a burning fury, soft and apologetic - like he was hanging on by a single thread, and that helpful voice from the beginning, when he first met it.
"Stop-!"
Verity's grip tightens further.
"WHY SHOULD I- I- I'm sorry I don't mean to-"
"It hurts, please-" Mob could only tremble helplessly in the midst of Verity's breakdown, completely at its mercy.
"YOU HURT ME- Why would you try to get rid of me- There's a stronghold at-! IT SHOULD HURT-"
Tears slid down his face, Mob barely holding back sobs as they tried to tear themselves out of his throat. The pain of Verity's hand around his wrists like a shackle was becoming too much.
"Don't cry Mob, please don't-" Then the grip tightens so much, Mob could almost envision his bones cracking under the pressure, vision whiting out. "THIS IS WHAT YOU DESERVE- why do they always try to leave- YOU'RE MINE- There's a good spot to farm xp at- YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME- I'm sorry- STOP-!"
.
.
There's an almost audible pop, and Mob briefly wonders where it came from, before an intense, throbbing pain, flares up in his right wrist. Burning, a bolt of agony, hellfire under his skin, that had him sobbing, a fresh wave of tears streaming down his cheeks - an involuntary cry of pure pain ripping from his throat as he hunched in on himself as far as he could go with both wrists held away from him like they were.
Verity itself seems to pause for a moment, surprised, as if it hadn't meant this to happen.
"I-I'm sorry-" Verity got out, back to that soft voice, full of regret. Verity released him like he had burned it, and Mob dropped to the floor, cradling his wrist in his other shaking hand, both wrists ached something fierce, but while his left was only mottled and bruised - painful but still useable, the other….
Mobs right wrist felt heavy, a deep sickening ache that felt almost wrong, limp and already swollen as blood pooled in the joint where his wrist met his arm. It felt like it wasn't even properly attached anymore, just flopping uselessly. Like an accessory that had veins and could feel.
Mob wanted to muster up some form of anger, anything other than the terror, despair and pain he was suffering from, but he couldn't. He just felt tired and heavy and so so scared. He wanted this all to end. Sobs and whimpers left his throat as he curled into himself, like using his own body as a shield against a threat.
"I didn't mean to-" Then he glitched again, a large, too wide smile sliding across his face, shaky, unsettling, like it was barely holding back… something. It's own panic, maybe, desperately trying to justify what it has just done.
"It's okay, It's okay. You hurt me, I hurt you - equivalent exchange, right?"
Mob looked up at him, bewilderment breaking through the haze of panic and fear, mouth hanging open in shock.
"If you- if you hadn't tried anything, this wouldn't have happened. But it's- it's okay! I forgive you!"
Verity came forward, and Mob scrambled back in a panic, heart in his throat.
"D-Don't come any closer-" Mob finally got out through sobs, clutching his broken wrist like a life line - despite the pain.
Verity paused, like it was hurt by this, then moved forward anyways, mouth set in a line.
Gently, or as gently as Verity could be like this, its clawed hands came to pry his hands away from each other, hoisting him up. Mob let out another cry at the flare up of pain in his wrist as it was jostled.
"It's okay, It's okay," It sounded like it was trying to comfort itself more than Mob. "We'll fix this."
Verity's smile was shaky, barely holding back the anger Mob knew was still there. It was more of a grimace than an actual smile, and Mob had the inexplicable urge to apologize - like bile crawling up his throat. He didn't understand why, he certainly didn't have anything to apologize for! But the urge persisted, and Mob had even begun to open his mouth to let the words fall out with pitiful sobs. Maybe, just maybe, even if he didn't mean it, Verity would be kinder, maybe he would stop hurting him like this.
"Don't." Verity said smoothly, hands tightening once again, and Mob let out a despairing warble of pain, more tears sliding down his face. They were beginning to burn from how long they rested on his skin.
"I know what you're going to say. Don't say it unless you really mean it. You might be sorry your little plan didn't work," It pulls him closer, "but you're not sorry you did it at all, are you?" Closer again.
Mob swallowed nervously, throat suddenly dry.
"I-"
"Shhhh…" Mobs mouth shuts with an almost audible click, bottom lip wobbling. "It's okay. You'll learn. As much as you try to be, I won't let you be like the others."
"Verity-"
"You're different, Mob."
Verity's long spindly arms release his wrists, and Mob drops unsteadily to his feet, wobbling. Its arms instead come to circle around him, pulling him into its chest tightly - like he could never be close enough. Like if it just brought him a little bit closer, they could merge together . What a horribly terrible thought. An awful, haunting, facsimile of a hug that neither could take comfort in.
"You came back to me." Mob shivers, arms hanging limply at his sides, wrist still burning, eyeing the gun that seems so far away now, though it was just a couple feet.
"That doesn't mean-" He tries to croak out.
Verity cuts him off like it knew what he was about to say, whispered like a prayer;
"It means everything."
Next time; Butterfly Weed, Foxglove, Amaryllis, Hemlock, Nightshade