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My eyes flutter open and immediately want to shut to drift off again from how soft my mattress is. However, I fight my urge to fall back into slumber land and slowly make my way out of bed.
It isn’t all for nothing though, as I ascend down the stairs the smell of something delicious cooking in kitchen hits me. Causing me to pick up my pace.
I enter the kitchen and the whole scene looks like it was cut out of a magazine and glued onto my wall. Everything is so perfect and primitive, from the marble countertops to the hardwood floor.
No one has noticed me yet so I take some time to admire the picture in front of me.
My eldest sat on one of the islands barstool scribbling something into his school book. If he’s anything like me he’s definitely avoided his homework down to the last minute, and now is rushing it just before school.
Despite being not being blood related, he looks an awful lot like his father. I was convinced it was because they shared the same colour of sandy blonde hair. However, he dyed it a dark purple the other day and they still look like the spitting image of each other.
Our youngest sits in the seat next to her brother, almost mirroring his actions, except she’s colouring in her book rather than doing last minute homework. Her markers scattered everywhere take up the majority of her ‘working space” and creeps onto her brother’s area too.
Joshua turns around and spots me hovering in the doorway. His eyes light up as he sees me. As I’m spotted I fully enter into the kitchen, while he turns the stove off.
“Good morning, Love” He address me with.
“Morning!” I reply.
“You sleep well?” he asks casually.
“Oh you have no idea” I smile.
He turns his attention away from the food cooking and walks around the island to me. He looks lovingly into my eyes before pressing a quick kiss to my lips.
This moment of peace is interrupted by a very dramatic “Ewwww” comes from our daughter . Which causes us both to let out a small giggle.
Joshua speaks again “I’ll put some toast on for you” I smile appreciatively at the gesture and take up the next empty seat at the table
I watch him as he plates up the kids food and places the plates in front of them. Atlas doesn’t look up from his textbook, however murmurs a quick ‘thank you’. Unlike her brother, Sienna looks up from her drawing to thank her father probably.
A sudden pop startles me, only to realise it’s the toaster. Joshua laughs at my shock. I try to glare at him for laughing to me, but I can’t wipe the smile off my face to add any maliciousness to my gaze.
He plates my toast up the same as he did with the children’s food. It makes me feel normal despite the only thing I can eat without throwing my guts up being butter bread.
He sits down next to me and rests his hand on my thigh. The scene is so perfect it makes me want to cry.
I think back to that one night we sat like this in the dim lights of my bedroom in the Nurse’s Building. He mapped out our whole life then in that very moment. And look where we were now.
The stillness of the picture is broken by Atlas, quickly packing away his books into the school bag that was lent against the side of his chair.
He slides out of his chair and walks out of the kitchen. I hear the sound of the front door, before he yells out a quick ‘Goodbye’ to us, before heading to the school bus.
I turn to Josh “You got the day off today then today?”
“Yeah, just me and you today” he snakes his hands around my hips and squeezes slightly, making me let out a soft giggle again.
“Right!” he declares “We better get you to school then, Sienna”
“Noooo, can’t I have the day off with you” she whines.
“Come on, hon. We’ll go to the park and get ice cream when we pick you up later. How’s that sound?” He seals the deal with a kiss to her forehead
“Fineee” she says with a sigh.
—————————
After we dropped Sienna off at school, we came back home with the whole day to ourselves.
We through the door talking about nothing until Joshua brings the conversation to an actual meaningful topic.
“What do you want do then today, Sydney?”
“Hmm” I consider my options for a moment, theres only so much time in the day and there was so much i wanted to do. Joshua spends a lot of time in the hospital and when he’s off, it typically clashes with my little part time job in the café in town. However, today we were both blessed up each other’s company for the whole day.
“We haven’t baked together in a while” I comment, however my tone makes it more of a question.
“No we haven’t” he reassures “How do you feel about cupcakes?”
“Oh my god! I haven’t had a cupcake in agessss” I drag on.
He lets out a small laugh “I’ll take that as a yes then”
“Duhhh” I reply, affectionately.
I walk over to the pantry to grab the ingredients from inside, while Joshua searches the kitchen for where we last left the scale and mixing bowl. Eventually, Josh does have to come help me because the sugar was placed at the very back of the top shelve, and I couldn’t reach.
We lay all the ingredients and equipment out and divided the work, therefore it should be more efficient. However, if this is like every other time we’ve baked together we’ll be too wrapped up in the other’s business to actually concentrate what we were meant to be doing ourselves.
“Can you pass me the sugar, babe?” Joshua asks me.
“Right here, hon” I said, giving him a playfully look.
Joshua rolls his eyes, trying to hide the grin plastered across his face
“As sweet as you are Sydney, I don’t really think we can add you to the mix” He laughed.
“Yeah, yeah” i say, passing him the sugar.
Eventually, we finsh making the batter, then evenly (as we can) distribute the mix into the dozen cupcake tins, before placing them in the pre heated oven.
We move on to making the buttercream. Joshua’s whisking it, while I clean up in the sink next to me. He turns the setting up
a bit too high and some of it sprays me.
Realising his mistake, Josh quickly turns off the electric whisk and starts to profusely apologise to me. As he does so, I take a glop of the mixture on my finger and boop it right on his nose.
He looks at me in confusion for a second, trying to analyse my thought process. Before he realises my motivations, I stand on the tips of my toes and lick the buttercream off.
He laughs “You never cease to confuse me”
“I gotta keep you on your toes somehow” I reply, wittily
As I speak his eyes flicker down to my lips. I catch his gaze slipping, but i say nothing. Despite his attempt at subtlety, what he speaks he anything but that.
“Can I kiss you, Sydney?”
[a pause]
“I wish you would”
After being granted permission, he places his hands on my hips, while I wrap my arms around the back of his neck. He looks tenderly into my eyes, which I mirror. I don’t know who moved in first, but in no time our lips are on each other. Our mouths moved with the practice of two ballet dancers. This is no where near both our first times kissing. Both of us being experienced with each other, of course, and other previous partners.
As we broke apart, I notice Joshua’s lips are painted a glossy pink, which i only assume the same glaze wets my lips too.
We take a small step back from each other. Neither of us break the silence, instead turning back to our respected jobs.
—————————
Even though we made the buttercream while the cakes were baking, we still had to wait a bit to let the cakes cool down before we started decorating them. So we decided to chill in the living room for a bit and put a movie on.
We snuggle up on the couch in the living room. We have the electric fireplace running and a blanket draped across both of our legs. Despite our house having good insulation, the winter weather still made it through our walls.
I rest my head on Josh’s shoulder as he jumps through the diffrent streaming services on our TV, looking for something good to watch. We eventually decide to rewatch this sappy little romcom we both enjoy.
Halfway through the episode we were watching. I leave Josh and go back to the kitchen to finish the cupcakes by myself. He did offer to help, but it’s only really a one man job, so i declined.
I walk back into the lounge, balancing a plate of cupcakes and 2 cup of tea for us. The episode we were midway through is paused. The thing I admire most about Joshua is his attention to the little details in life, in this scenario pausing our show so i don’t miss anything.
Instead, Josh occupies his time with one of the novels our book club is reading. He’s a little bit slower than me at reading, likely due to the fact he concentrates more on small details, while i rush through books quite quickly. As ashamed as I am to admit, sometimes I don’t properly read them. Well I do, but my eyes read the words but my brain doesn’t process them. No matter, it’s a good switch off for my brain anyways.
I place down my balancing act on the coffee table, the noise of the china being placed down alternating my husband of my presence. I go back to my previous spot on the couch of being as close as i can to Joshua without our bodies merging into one.
As I sit back down next to him Joshua marks his page and reaches for the TV remote on the table in-front of him to press the play button.
I reach for one of the cakes on the plate. I don’t often treat to myself ‘real food’, knowing I’ll have to throw up later. But today i decided the cupcakes were worth heaving over the toilet for 10 minutes with Joshua holding back my hair.
—————————
Somehow, we still had some time to before we had to pick the kids up. Josh’s parents were watching Sienna for a bit after school and Atlas had plans to go out with his friends, so we decided to go on a walk together since the weather and gotten a lot sunnier later in afternoon.
There’s this cute little woodland path in our neighbourhood that leads to the local park. We walk along it so often I think I’d remember the route even if I went blind.
The path does remind me a lot of our time back at camp. However, the trees don’t cast ominous shadows and you don’t have the constant feeling you’re being watched. Well and (lots of) other things.
As we start to walk, Joshua’s hand interlinks in mine. As we lock fingers, I feel the cold hardness his wedding band against my skin. Despite our rings making holding hands a little bit uncomfortable at sometimes, that never deters us from doing it.
I look down at my own band, identical to his.
It gives a nice comforting, pressure to my left ring finger. Whenever I feel anxious I often play with it, rolling it between my thumb and pointer on the opposite hand. It grounds me for some reason, I’ve never worked out exactly why, but it just does.
The line of trees open up to a big green grassland. The park is relatively basic with a children’s playground, a couple picnic tables & trashcans scattered around and a bridge that crosses the river that runs through the park.
Despite how gorgeous and spacious the area is quite most of the time. The spot is quite a hidden gem, likely due to the only entrance being through the pathway through the woods. There’s only people around today, probably due to the bad weather earlier in the day.
We lay down on the grass, and soak up the suns rays for a minute or two. At some point during the peace my head finds his way into his lap. Josh’s hands glide through my hair, before starting to braid it.
I don’t know whether it was the suns rays, my husband braiding my hair or the entire feeling of domestic bliss, but my eyes started to feel heavy. I try to fight it, but i couldn’t help drifting off. The last thing i remember before sleep took me was Josh leaving down next to my ear and whispering
“I love you.”
—————————
My eyes open again, but I am no longer laying in my lover’s lap or graced by the warmth of me and Joshua’s shared bed.
My back is in agony from the Nurse’s Buildings cot. I try to fall back asleep to escape this reality, but the pain is unbearable, so it sit up. I go to play with my wedding band nervously, only to find there’s nothing there. Right. It was only a dream.
The oracle fumes tell me it’s breakfast time. I panic for a split second thinking I’m late for the morning announcements, only to remember my getting fired.
I pick up the crutches lent against the wall. I peep into mine and Jedidiah’s shared room, but he’s no where to be seen… as always. What did I expect.
I think I might so see Adam. I can’t think of anything else better to do today. I quickly get ready, putting on makeup and such, though I don’t know why I bother.
As I exit the Nurse’s Building I hear all the kids running around from whatever activity they were assigned this morning. I can’t bear looking at them, but my eyes stray away from my path anyway.
I couldn’t work out what the activity was, but despite my curiosity I wasn’t about to tread all the way back to the Nurse’s Office and dig through the announcement notes to find out.
What I do know is it involves a lot of screaming, which I also know is giving me a migraine. I see several counsellors standing off to the side, supervising the kids. None of them spot me, except Joshua.
His gaze meets mine and he gives me a puzzled look, as if studying me. Our eye contact remains unbroken for what feels like an eternity, but it is probably only 5 seconds at most. This is shattered, as from behind him Yvonne’s voice calls out something I can’t make out, causing him to turn to her. He shouts something back with I also can’t make out, until he turns his attention back to me.
As our eyes lock again and he gives me a small smile, but under it is a question
‘In another life?’
I return his smile, answering the unsaid question
‘In another life.’