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Dan Heng’s hips ached more often than not, these days.
It was one of many normal pregnancy symptoms — or, at least, it was a normal pregnancy symptom for the species throughout the world that experienced gestation. Since Dan Heng was the first Vidyadhara since the rise of Long the Permanence to undergo pregnancy, it was difficult to say whether the symptoms he had to endure were normal for his species or not.
But it made sense. The extra weight that rounded out his abdomen would naturally lead to more strain on his lower body, and with his hips being the first in line to support the growing curve of his belly, it was only natural that they would hurt a bit.
Looking in the mirror these days made Dan Heng feel a myriad of emotions that he wasn't quite sure how to deal with. The soft swell of his belly, the barely there but still present curve to his chest, the glowing Vidyadhara scales that refused to leave even when he was in his human disguise — perhaps his body naturally dedicated more of its focus to keeping his child healthy, and thus the cloudhymn keeping his form intact failed in certain places — seeing all of it made him feel both less and more like himself than ever.
And, within Dan Heng’s womb, an entire new life was developing. It was a wonderful and miraculous gift Dan Heng could have never imagine he would one day receive, and he was glad to share the experience with Blade, and everyone else who loved him.
From a scientific standpoint, Dan Heng also found the pregnancy truly fascinating. The protective shell that normally encased the young of his kind was forming inside of him as well, which could explain the extra aches and pains that troubled him. The medical examinations had revealed quite a lot of interesting information about the pregnancy, which Dan Heng had eagerly recorded in his own personal journal and the archives: the Vidyadhara child in his womb was developing similarly to mammalian species, but the placenta that normally formed to provide nutrients to the child was slowly but steadily remaking itself to a material similar to that of a Vidyadhara egg.
Bailu, as the healer who had been overseeing most of his medical examinations, theorized that once the shell completely formed over the child, Dan Heng would be ready to give birth. She estimated that, once the child’s egg was out of Dan Heng’s body, it would only be a few days before the true birth of their child.
When Bailu had asked Blade and Dan Heng whether they wanted to find out the sex of their child, they had both declined. Deep in their hearts, they knew that they would love the child no matter what; and with the pregnancy itself being nothing short of a miracle, Dan Heng wanted to truly meet his child for the first time once they were born.
Especially considering the fate of his first.
“Technically, this will be the second child I have created,” Dan Heng told Bailu quietly, after she finished putting away her medical examination instruments.
“Is that so,” Bailu said, and though she appeared to not know what he was referring to, the hesitance in her movements hinted at a deeper understanding.
Ultimately, when Dan Heng had first awoken in the Shackling Prison and known nothing of his past, he had not been guilty of Dan Feng’s sins. But, as soon as Dan Heng regained his lost memories and took ownership over the actions of his past self, Dan Heng knew that he needed to return to rescue the one person who had quietly suffered alongside them. He wasn’t sure if Bailu remembered anything of her past life as Baiheng, but if she did…
“It is only thanks to you, Lady Bailu, that the child inside of me is even possible. I—” Dan Heng’s voice cracked, and he hurried to wipe away the tears that gathered in his eyes. His grip on his emotions had truly been getting worse as the pregnancy progressed. Taking a breath, Dan Heng confessed to the sin that had been bothering him for far too long: “I sincerely apologize that I left you behind in the aftermath. If this child can be even half as courageous, half as brilliant as you are…”
Bailu’s ears twitched, and she straightened herself up with a small laugh. “Dan Heng,” she said, suddenly sounding far older than her years as she took Dan Heng’s hands in her own, “You gave me a second chance at life.”
Dan Heng tightened his hold on her hands, so small as they were in his larger ones. Even if she remembered her past life, Bailu was still only a child.
“It may not have been exactly what I wanted, but I have been able to help so many people as the High Elder,” Bailu continued. “And with you now with child, the Vidyadhara are hopeful that the long lines of reincarnation are soon to come to an end. The tides are shifting; the Preceptors no longer have the sway they once had over me or our people.”
Dan Heng reached out and cupped Bailu’s face in his hands. The light in her eyes was so, so familiar, and yet they shone completely anew. Baiheng had always been the most kind-hearted person he knew. He did not deserve her forgiveness, but perhaps he could do something to make up for the burden he had once placed on her. “Do you still dream of traveling the stars?”
Bailu’s smile was soft, wistful. “Every night.”
Overtaken by a crashing wave of maternal instinct, Dan Heng leaned down to press a gentle kiss atop Bailu’s head. “Once this child is born,” Dan Heng promised, “I will ensure that the High Elder line of succession is abolished.”
Blade, who had been standing nearby watching the two of them with a mix of melancholy and affection, walked over and knelt down at Bailu’s feet. “No matter what it takes,” Blade swore, “you, too, will be free.”
Bailu started sobbing then, throwing herself into both of their arms. Blade gathered the two of them more securely in his hold, and Dan Heng knew right there and then that the family they created would be happy, despite it all.
Bailu had made them both promise that they would fetch for her right away if Dan Heng had even the slightest suspicion that he was about to give birth, and after a few more heartfelt words, had sent them away with Dan Heng’s clean bill of health. Blade had already told Dan Heng that Elio promised that no scripts would require Blade to be away from Dan Heng on the day of the birth or after. So, both Bailu and Blade would be by Dan Heng side once their child was ready to enter the world.
“Even if there were a script asking me to leave,” Blade had said, pressing a kiss against the tender skin of Dan Heng’s stomach, “I would defy destiny itself to be there with you.”
Ears flushing at the sappy memory, Dan Heng hummed and rubbed the swollen skin of his stomach, shifting restlessly on the pile of blankets and pillows that covered the floor of the Archives. When Dan Heng had first found out that he was pregnant, the entire Astral Express crew had begged him to finally take the room they had offered him so many years ago. Though he had agreed at first, after a week straight of being unable to sleep, Dan Heng had moved back to the Archives, bringing with him an assortment of soft bedding to make his chosen area to nest more comfortable. The instincts in his hindbrain prevented him from sleeping anywhere he did not feel safe, and though Dan Heng felt perfectly fine anywhere on the Astral Express, it was harder to quell his instincts when he was asleep.
His fluctuating hormones, too, made it harder still to fight back the part of him that wanted burst through the door and demand that one of his crewmates find his mate immediately.
Blade is just on a mission, Dan Heng reminded himself, forcing his gaze away from the closed door of the Archives and back down on the book he had been trying to read for the past few hours. He has not abandoned you. Blade will be back later.
It was easy to speak and think logically to himself, even if none of it was particularly convincing.
Whatever. Dan Heng had gone most of his life without Blade by his side, and even now, after the two of them had renewed their vows and continued the research into Vidyadhara fertility that Yingxing and Dan Feng had died before completing, Blade and Dan Heng were not inseparable. Dan Heng was still the archivist and guard of the Astral Express, and Blade was still a vital member of the Stellaron Hunters. The universe and their paths forward did not stop just because Dan Heng was about to welcome new life to their families.
With a sigh, Dan Heng rubbed his eyes and settled himself more comfortably against the wall. His back twinged at the movement, and the way the fabric of his shirt chafed against his too-sensitive skin made him want to rip it off. At least, leaking through the fabric of his shirt was an uncommon occurrence; Dan Heng knew he would be far too overstimulated if yet another pregnancy symptom decided to make itself known.
Quite frankly, the book Dan Heng was trying to read was probably a lost cause. But Dan Heng was bored, and he wanted something else to distract him from the aches and pains that were a near-constant fact of existing in his body at this point in the pregnancy.
Dan Heng glanced over at his phone. Perhaps he could text the group chat to see if anyone was free…?
No. Dan Heng was bored, yes, but he also had no energy to do anything particularly tiring. March and Stelle did their best to be mindful of his reduced energy levels — they had always been rather thoughtful of his introverted nature, even before his pregnancy — but he knew that he did not have the strength to hang out with them today. Sunday was much calmer, and Dan Heng did often seek out his calming presence, but he was visiting Robin that day and was not aboard the Astral Express. Himeko was a pleasant conversationalist, but since Dan Heng could no longer choke down her caffeinated brews, she had taken to creating equally if not more monstrous decaf versions filled with all manner of supplements that were supposed to be good for the baby; he did not want to reject her too many times in one week, but his stomach could only handle so many dubiously flavored liquids. Welt, on the other hand, got along swimmingly with Blade, the two of them finding common ground in discussing all manner of old and new technology, which only made Dan Heng miss Blade even more.
Sighing yet again, Dan Heng stared back down at the pages in front of him. He had the distinct feeling that he had been rereading the same words, over and over and over, but none of the information in the book registered in his brain.
I hope Blade comes home soon, Dan Heng thought, thumbing idly through the pages. I know he doesn’t want to be away from me for too long…
“You’re never around these days,” Dan Heng said, the tone of his voice carefully neutral in a way that was meant to conceal his anger but likely only alerted Blade to it.
Dan Heng had woken up that morning to the other side of his bed in the Archives empty, even though he had expected Blade to have come home already. Fury and hurt had curdled in his gut, and he had run to the bathroom to empty the contents of his stomach, cursing Blade in his head for not being there before remembering that Blade had told him that the script would be a little longer than usual, and that Dan Heng should expect him back not on the same day, but the day after.
Although the day after was better than an entire week, Dan Heng still had not appreciated the lack of Blade’s presence by his side. Nausea wrecking his system and his draconic instincts overtaking his thoughts, Dan Heng had holed himself inside Blade’s designated guest room (that he barely used) and pulled out the spare clothes Blade kept there. Surrounded by the softness of the textiles and the lingering notes of Blade’s scent, Dan Heng had fallen into a fitful sleep there, and had only just woken up at Blade’s return.
Dan Heng was now standing in front of the bed, several of Blade’s coats scattered around the bed while he wore one of Blade’s undershirts. The undershirt was tight over the rounded curve of his pregnant belly, but it had been the article of clothing that smelled the most like Blade, and though Dan Heng was annoyed with his lover, the shirt still soothed him deeply.
Blade’s hand came up to rub soothingly across Dan Heng’s lower back — that area had been aching recently, especially as their child liked to shift downward in their movements — but Dan Heng’s sour mood inspired him to step neatly away from Blade’s touch.
Well, if Blade didn’t realize that Dan Heng was irritated before, then he surely did now.
“Elio’s scripts demand it of me, for now.” Blade kept his voice low, placating, the kind of delicate treatment that made Dan Heng both grateful for his lover’s presence and rankled at the reminder that the emotions swirling through him were not purely logical. “But he has promised me that I will be on leave from my duties soon. But for now, I must follow the scripts, so that you and our child will be safe."
Blade walked closer, his eyes soft. "If I had the final say, I would not leave your side for even a moment.”
“I can do things on my own,” Dan Heng spat, his grievances taking a sharp turn in the opposite direction. “I don’t need you around me all the time! I’m not helpless!”
Blade blinked at Dan Heng. “I didn’t say you were.”
“But you implied it.” Dan Heng crossed his arms and shook his head. “Just because I don’t like that you’re not around all the time, doesn’t mean that you need to be around me all the time.”
Blade blinked again, slower this time, as if he were silently begging for Dan Heng to explain to him exactly what it was that he wanted from him. “…Naturally.”
The worst part of this was that Dan Heng knew that he was making absolutely no sense.
Dan Heng desperately wanted Blade to be around more often, to spend most of his time with him. But he again knew that Blade was still part of the Stellaron Hunters, so he had to complete his scripts, and Dan Heng was part of the Astral Express, so he wasn’t always fated to accompany Blade on said scripts. Dan Heng didn’t want to keep Blade from his important work, nor did he want to make Blade feel guilty for having to leave him behind.
“Are you hungry?” Blade asked, his gaze taking in the messy state of the room before focusing back on Dan Heng. “March told me that she heard you vomiting this morning, and Pom-Pom said you had not requested any food today. I’ll be back with something for you to eat.”
Blade turned around to walk toward the door. Quick as a whip, Dan Heng’s tail materialized and wrapped itself around Blade’s leg, forcing him to stumble in his steps.
“I just told you that you’re not around often enough, and you want to leave?” Dan Heng frowned, the tip of his tail swishing along the ground.
With a sigh, Blade shook his head and turned back to face Dan Heng.
“A-Heng,” Blade said, his exhaustion obvious in the sag of his voice and the shadows under his eyes. “A-Heng, I love you, but I can’t read your mind.”
Hot tears formed quickly in the corners of Dan Heng’s eyes. Blade’s expression quickly morphed into one of such plain concern that Dan Heng couldn’t bear it, so he used his tail to yank Blade closer and hid his face in Blade’s chest.
Blade’s arms wound automatically around Dan Heng’s shaking form. This, too, was made harder by the pregnancy; where Dan Heng had once fit perfectly in Blade’s hold, his protruding stomach now made it impossible for him to completely melt into the embrace. The tears only flowed harder then, as Dan Heng grappled with the irritation of not being able to comfort himself in the way he so desperately craved and the guilt for thinking badly of the pregnant belly that housed and protected their child.
After several long, not-sniffly (but still certainly teary) moments, Dan Heng forced himself to crane his neck upward.
Blade’s gaze on him was patient, understanding, loving. Dan Heng could hardly believe that there had been a time where looking into Blade’s eyes had inspired fear in his soul; now, the gold was a reminder that they had each faced seemingly insurmountable trials and come out on the other side better for it.
“I’m sorry for snapping at you,” Dan Heng said, his tail loosening its hold on Blade’s leg, but not quite letting go. Rather than squeeze the daylights out of Blade's leg, his tail wound around it sheepishly. “Could you stay with me for a few moments before we go eat dinner?”
Blade pressed soft pecks against the tips of Dan Heng’s horns. “Of course. Always. You just have to ask.”
Dan Heng clung to Blade tighter, resting his face against the warmth of Blade's chest. Moments later, when Blade walked out into the parlor car, the damp spots on the front of his shirt were obvious, and Dan Heng followed behind with clearly puffy eyes. Still, nobody said anything.
Pregnancy was hard. Pregnancy was aching hips and headache-inducing nausea and uncontrollable mood swings. Pregnancy was yelling at Blade when he had no choice but to carry out Elio’s scripts and then backtracking and crying when faced with the overwhelming nature of everything happening inside of him.
But, as Dan Heng patiently allowed March and Stelle to coo over his stomach — the two of them never tired of rubbing his belly and saying strange jokes — and nodded at Sunday to let him know that he was also allowed to touch, Blade’s warm hand steady against the still aching part of his lower back, Dan Heng found that pregnancy was everything he ever dreamed of, too.