Chapter Text
He only meant to stay for one drink...
He was supposed to be heading home...
He wasn't supposed to be out for very long...
Morgan was currently 'running errands' or at least that's what he had said he was doing but... but really he had just need to get out of the apartment for a little while, that's all. Just needed some air and when he saw the open sign for the underground bar light up he just figured he'd go in for a quick drink...
That had been two hours ago.
But hey... technically I've only had the one drink... Which was true. He had been nursing the whiskey neat for nearly that whole time. Sipping and swirling... Swirling and sipping... Lost in the quiet emptiness of a just opened bar and a smoky amber drink...
He hadn't expected there to be a live band tonight. It was a Tuesday. Who had a live band on a Tuesday? Apparently, this jazz club does.
They were setting up on stage now, some young group, clearly here just for exposure. They had secondhand instruments but they seemed to be well cared for... They probably weren't half bad.
I should go...
I should finish my drink and go...
I- I've tried this already and it didn't work... I should just go...
Morgan swirled the last sip of his whiskey again, but didn't lift the glass to his lips.
He never really seemed like the jazz type? Maybe... Maybe he won't show?
The crooked smile that quirked his lips was anything but happy.
Morgan drained the last of his drink just as the first few notes of the sax carried throughout the small space.
There weren't that many people here, it was a Tuesday night after all. So it wasn't a surprise that he spotted the blond man who just walked in so quickly. Morgan had only just stood up when he walked in, was actively fishing out his wallet to pay- was- was just about to leave... But still he couldn't help but look up when he walked in.
Old. He's older...
And something painful squeezed around his heart- the very something he had been pretending not to notice for months now.
Alex wasn't dressed the way he usually did, not something high-end- high fashion, nor was it strangely eclectic and odd. It was a crisp faded button down and blue jeans. His boots were clean, but worn. Work boots, that had seen some work. He wasn't wearing too much jewelry, some small studs, a good watch, a nice leather belt... but that was it. His hair was still styled though- still messy without looking like a mess, still neat without looking slicked... and it sparkled at more than just the temples when he walked through the light. He was close to half silver now, not just a few tasteful grays here and there. And there were lines on his face, not just from laughing. Small wrinkles across his brow, creases around his mouth... Crows feet around his eyes... His hauntingly beautiful yellow eyes. Glasses sat perched on his nose- but Morgan could see the split across the bottom half- bifocals now, not just for reading.
Alex was... older. He easily could have had ten years on Morgan so... it was probably more like twenty. He was from the future- the far future... He would have answers...
I should go- should leave before he notices me...
Morgan quickly set the bill on the counter, not caring that it was more of a tip than he'd meant to leave. He tucked his wallet back into his pocket, scooped up his coat and—
Honey yellow.
They glowed out of the dim lighting at him, vertically slitted and terrifying... And they were looking right at him.
Alex was standing next to a booth, was literally across the bar from him... But he'd met Morgan's gaze with all the intensity as if they had been standing right next to each other. And then the son of a bitch had the audacity to smile at him, a quick pleased thing- all charm and delight and- and he gave a little two-finger wave before nodding to the booth, the invitation clear before he slid onto the bench.
He was facing away- was facing the stage. I could slip out. Could just walk straight to the exit and he wouldn't even notice. I should go- I should go. I was just supposed to be running errands. I—
Morgan found himself stepping up to the table despite his better judgment.
Alex had seemingly gotten a drink from somewhere, something undoubtedly sweet as was his preference, and he was stirring it with his straw when he glanced up.
"Fancy seeing you here~" He hummed in just the exact way Morgan remembered. All purrs and softness and- and—
Morgan slid into the booth across from him.
"Not really a surprise for you though..." He replied, trying his damnedest to not let the ache show, "But I didn't figure you were much of a jazz fan."
"Music is music." He replied with a shrug, "Besides I've grown to like the slower stuff more, gives me something to savor."
"Ha, right." Morgan laughed, his hands firmly in his pockets even though Alex's were just resting on the table. More details were jumping out at him now that he was up close, like how his shirt had just a little bit of dirt on the collar, or how his skin was more sun-worn. How he looks almost exactly how his dad did when we first met. The half silver, the crows feet, even the bifocals. The calm comforting nearness of him was nearly the same too- except Alex's was laced with that underlying power that always surrounded him, even now.
Morgan wasn't sure if it was the comparison or the familiar gold sparkling on his finger that had his throat going all tight, but regardless he had to look away- had to give himself a moment to compose himself.
"So..." Alex hummed when Morgan didn't say anything else, "What brings you out to a bar on a Tuesday night? You're not usually one for drinking alone on a weekday... not unless the me of this time has done something in particular to piss you off~"
He'd meant it as a joke- had said it as a joke... but it made the red hot coal sitting inside his chest burn all the hotter. It felt like choking- like he'd breathed in a lung full of scorching smoke and he'd been holding it for weeks- had been keeping it all in- keeping it stuffed down inside so no one at home would notice. It used to be so much easier, swallowing down the pain. He used to be good at it. Used to be able to tolerate it for so much longer than just a few months. I spent a lifetime choking down the pain but now I can't seem to stomach it anymore... guess having kids really does change you. It was a shame his parents had never taken that particular lesson to hear—
"Morgan? Morgan darling, what's wrong?"
He flinched at the movement- flinched when Alex leaned closer- when he reached out- reached across the table, palm up- the invitation so obvious it made his eyes sting. Aw fuck—
Morgan rapidly blinked back the tears, scrubbing at his face for good measure. He- he was making assumptions- was assuming this Alex was who he wanted him to be, he- he needed to explain himself at the very least before he started blubbering.
"—Are you a serial mass murderer?"
The question was so abrupt it took Alex by surprise, watching Morgan's head pop back up, his expression guarded but- but fragile, so Alex answered honestly.
"No—"
Morgan's expression shuttered.
"—I'm retired."
And then it came back, but very confused this time.
"What?"
"I'm retired." Alex repeated, "We both are... our villain days behind us, well, except for special occasions."
"Our villain days?" Morgan repeated slowly.
"Yes...? You the clever thief and me the, well, living embodiment of inhumanity itself?" Alex explained, one silver blond brow arching, "Ringing any bells?" Only for him to stop and check his watch, "I didn't think I was that far in the past? Or- Uh no, I'm not in the wrong dimension by accident again, am I?"
"I... don't know, are you?"
"Well only one way to find out." He huffed, before lifting his hand and—
*Snap!*
"Ah- nope, I'm right where I'm supposed to be." He confirmed before shrugging.
"Oh-kay... that's good."
"I'd like to think so, yes..."
But again an uncomfortable silence settled between them.
One that seemed to be ticking by like molasses...
"So... you wanna tell me when this is for you or..." Alex hummed, lifting his drink to sip at, brows wiggling a little.
And Morgan snorted, shaking his head as he glanced away again. "You've clearly aged but you don't seem to have grown up, have you?"
"Excuse you." He scoffed indignantly, "I am the pinnacle of maturity."
"Pfft. Sure you are."
"Hey, I'm not the one avoiding the problem here." Alex pointed out... accurately.
And some of the levity drained from his face again. "I... guess that's fair." He sighed, before just leaning forwards a little, his hand first rubbing at his face and then up through his hair, before finally just plopping down onto the cool wood tabletop. Instinctively he began tracing the grain with his fingertips...
"I guess I'm... just trying to figure out if you're my Alex is all..."
"Your Alex?"
And Morgan closed his eyes, not wanting to see this Alex's expression when he said, "Yeah... My Alex, not- not the one that came back from spending all that time at the bottom of the ocean..."
He didn't know what exactly to expect when he said it. Scorn maybe? Exasperation? Frustration that he still wasn't over this? That he was from the time where he still hadn't accepted that everything he had ever known was a lie- that the love of his life was gone- that he was never supposed to have existed in the first place- that every single hardship and heartache he had ever gone through at his best friend's, then partner's- then tax benefits spouse's- then real spouse's hands was all just a fluke- that none of it was real. It was all just some grand accident inflicted on him by the same high school hero who he had admired from a far for so long... Just one more ephemeral thing in a life made entirely out of illusions. Maybe I was always just delusional? Maybe I- I never should have believed any of it for a single sec—
"—yours."
It was a growl, that one word. Something that made the ground shiver- that made the music waver- that had the lights flicker. Something that had Morgan's eyes snapping back open in an instant.
The quiet rage had settled across Alex's shoulders like an old coat. Something familiar and comfortable. It was heavy with power- with an unshakeable intensity- something that made the air smell thick with copper and ash and—
The tears that sprung to his eyes this time were too overwhelming for him to just blink away.
And just like that the crushing pressure was gone- the power vanishing, but not from fear- not on accident. Alex didn't recoil from Morgan's grief, no... he simply stood up and walked around the table.
"Scoot over..." He hummed softly while Morgan tried to stifle his sobs.
"I- I- It's fine- I'm fine- I just—"
A hand brushed along his hip, Alex's tall muscular frame leaning down over him- filling the air with a wash of hay and flowers and cinnamon and— He slid effortlessly further down the bench so Alex could sit next to him.
That same hand then quickly snaked it's way around his waist and tugged.
...not that Morgan had needed the assist. The second Alex as settled in next to him, Morgan had turned towards him- and moved from burying his head in his hands to smooshing his face against the faded sage green fabric of his shirt. A fabric that was now being clung to with both hands as his love tried to muffle his sobs against Alex's chest.
It was a tight space- not really meant for cuddling like this, but Alex made it work, he twisted towards his partner, not caring if his back was going to give him trouble in the morning, this was more important. This was always more important.
Besides... my husband can help me massage it in the morning~ Somehow he'd never heard this story. His spouse had never mentioned their out of sync meeting in this little jazz club on a Tuesday, so it would be the least he could do.
So Morgan clung to Alex, clung to this lifeline- to this fact. To the tangible living breathing proof that things would get better. That His spouse wasn't gone- that the love of his life wasn't lost to him forever... Maybe that's why he cried harder, because now he had hope again- had to live with it- live through it. He couldn't just stuff it all way and pretend his life from before wasn't real. It was real and eventually it would be real again... and wasn't that just a horrific thing to live with?
So yes, he clung to Alex. And yes he did his best to savor it- to find sanctuary and comfort in this moment- in the arms of his love... a reprieve before he'd have to go back to living with a stranger who took his spouses place.
A stranger who looked like him and sounded like him. Who laughed like him and smiled like him but- but wasn't him. He didn't love Morgan. He didn't even know him. He slept in his own room again, lived his own life again. He didn't hum good morning before bending down to kiss him, a mug of coffee already being offered. He didn't brush passed him in the hall a little too close just for the excuse to touch him. He didn't ask him about his day or what he was scheming. He didn't try to lure him into watching a rom-com with offers to cuddle. He didn't parent the same way or clean the same way or cook the same way- He- he was an imposter claiming to be the original and Morgan had just had to- to bear it. He had just had to carry on like it was fine- like his heart hadn't just been yanked from his chest while he tried to fix it.
And in the dead of night- when he was alone and awake in an empty bed... he wondered if it was only fair? Alex had ripped his own heart out from the yearning, right? Maybe this was karma for making his spouse suffer... Maybe his first spouse had gotten off easy by just being killed when she lost her heart, because at least then she'd only have to suffer this once...
Minutes passed before the silent sobs slowly faded into quiet hiccuping...
Morgan still didn't pull away and Alex didn't expect him too, but when Morgan's breathing had evened out- when he no longer sounded so ragged, Alex asked, "How long has it been?"
"A- a few months..." His words barely louder than a whisper.
"Ah..." Was all he said back.
They sat together for another minute, for another stolen moment... but it couldn't last forever. Even though this might be his Alex, he wasn't this time's Alex. There was a Morgan in the future who would be waiting for him to return... So after another shaky breath, Morgan finally sat up.
And Alex let him, not trying to keep Morgan any longer than he wanted... but he kept his hand around the younger man's waist. No matter the age Alex still couldn't stand to watch his partner cry. "Here..." He hummed gently, pulling a soft monogrammed handkerchief from his pocket.
"Thanks..." Morgan mumbled back through a stuffy nose, drying his face as Alex dried his shirt with a thought. Alex didn't comment on his puffy face or runny nose so Morgan didn't either, no he just sat there, comfortable inside someone else's personal space, an act that had taken him over a decade to accomplish.
Still, he had so many questions. "I- I know you can't tell me anything- can't tell me how to fix this without messing up the timeline more than I already have but..." And finally he looked up from the tiny embroidered A to meet Alex's eyes, "Please..."
And it damn near broke his heart. He'd already been here once before- had already sat with his love through this once years ago but that didn't make it hurt any less now. "Oh, darling..."
More tears sprung to his eyes, more threatened to spill over now at that look on Alex's face- at the soft grief in his eyes- at the pain pulling down the corners of that perfect mouth. That wasn't a pet name his Alex used very much- not one of his go-tos, not when 'shnookums' still got such a strong reaction out of him but- but clearly it would be a name he would hear a lot in the future... But that was a future he hadn't seen yet- one he hadn't lived yet, so the naked love on Alex's face was something he had to turn away from- not when his own heart was aching so bad.
Alex covered Morgan's hands with one of his own, stilling the anxious twisting of the small cotton square. "It will get better I promise- I promise..." And he gave his love's fingers a gentle squeeze, waiting for soft brown eyes still glittering with pain to meet his own, "but you're going to have to bare it for a little longer."
"How- How much longer?"
"I... I can't tell you."
And a fresh tear escaped.
"I'm sorry- I'm so sorry, love." Alex tried to soothe, hand coming up to brush it away, to cup a face he had loved for nearly all his life. "I know how hard this is for you- how lonely you are but- but we figure it out. We do."
"I just- I just miss you so much—" But the beginnings of another sob cut him off. He fought hard against it- against the misery trying to swallow him whole. He had his cry- had let some of this agony out but- but if he didn't stop now then he might never stop. And that's not fair to Hawk- It- it can't lose both it's parents to this mess- it just can't.
Still Alex did his best to comfort him- to cradle him. "I know... Oh my darling thief, I know..."
Which won a watery laugh from his partner. It was nice to see that the overly romantic gestures were still effective in times like this.
"But- But I am still there, even if it's hard to tell..."
And Morgan closed his eyes, closed them and leaned his cheek into the hand that was the right shape and the right warmth but had new callouses and a new feel to it. Because he was right- it- it felt nearly impossible to tell some days. But there were the others- the ones where he could see his Alex buried underneath the ocean of other memories.
"You'll get through this- We'll get through this, I swear." He whispered as Morgan took slow even breaths- as his love tried to collect himself as best he could.
"Oh-okay... okay... I can- I can do that..." And finally he opened his eyes, "So long as there is an end, I can do this."
You can do so much more than you know... Alex thought as he stared down into eyes he saw sitting across the dining table from him every morning- eyes he woke up next too- eyes he went to sleep next to. Even after all this time, they were still the very same eyes. "Yes, yes you can."
If this had been another time- had been the right time for both of them, Alex might have leaned down to kiss him and Morgan might have let him... but it wasn't so he didn't.
"...th-thanks." Morgan whispered, finally- finally pull away. Finally sitting up- finally supporting himself on his own again. "...for talking to me." Which was all he had meant to say, but the "-this time." still slipped out under his breath.
Words Alex instantly picked up on. "This time?"
Morgan considered briefly just shaking his head- just ignoring the question but... its not like that would make the sting hurt any less. "Yeah I... I tried this once already, looking for you at a live musical performance but... I think you were younger- that you were from before you cared about me as much, I think. You said it sounded like a me problem and left."
As much as Alex wanted to say that he would never do that... it sounded exactly like something he would have done in his younger days, not that he could remember the specific moment his partner was referring to. But if it hadn't meant anything to me then, why would I have bothered remembering it... Aloud all he said was, "...sorry."
"Yeah... it's fine." Morgan puffed out on a sigh, twisting back around, shifting to sit hip to hip with Alex now, not half sprawled across his lap. "...it's not all bad."
"It's... not?" Alex asked slowly, curiously. Because that was not what he remembered Morgan saying about the whole ordeal.
"No, I mean I- it is pretty bad for me and Ohio's not like, thrilled or anything," Morgan explained, "but Hawk's been really enjoying doing hero stuff with you."
However instead of scoffing or saying something snarky about never wanting to be a hero, Alex simply hummed quietly to himself, a very non-committal sort of sound.
"What?"
"I would..." He began slowly, trying to make sure he wasn't influencing the timeline too much, "just check in with it a little more, yeah?"
"...Why?" The suspicion obvious in his words, his brows pulling low only added to the effect.
"I... It told me years afterwards that even though being a hero had been fun I... I was acting more like a distant relative than it's parent and... and it started to weigh on it some. My not acting right, I mean." Alex explained.
"That's..."—not what it said to me the other day... But this was also such a new thing for Hawk too- a new and very confusing thing for a hivemind no less. to understand. I doubt it has any concept of what 'losing' yourself actually means, it can always tell who it is- they are legion. Merging back together wouldn't change that as far as it knows... To Alex he simple said, "Thank you. I'll talk with it some more tonight then, just to see how it's doing."
"M'hmm..." Glad if nothing else that he might be able to help easy the discomfort his child was experiencing through this... unfortunate circumstance.
But Morgan didn't try to continue the conversation after that, instead choosing to actually listen to the music Alex had come here to see. The band on stage was alright, nothing to write home about, but then again Morgan also wasn't one for jazz most days. I... I should probably—
"...I love you." Alex whispered into the quiet that had slowly begun to surround them. He didn't comment when he heard Morgan's breath catch- or when his heart skipped a beat. He also didn't turn to look at his love, he simply let them both sit in that moment together, uninterrupted.
"...I love you too." And his head thunked against Alex's shoulder a little, his fingers slowly- tentatively to brush against Alex's knee a little. Just his pinky making contact- just- just something to help this feel more real. Alex's fingers gave his hip a gentle squeeze in turn.
Minutes ticked by like that.
One song...
Became two...
Became three...
And with them the guilt slowly grew until finally Morgan whispered. "I... I was supposed to be home hours ago."
"Okay." That was all Alex said- no further explanation, no further reason needed. He turned to press a kiss to the top of Morgan's head, humming, "I love you." And then extracting himself both from their embrace and the booth, offering Morgan his hand to help him out.
"I love you too..." He hummed back, taking the offered hand if only to prolong the moment a little longer, "I- I guess I'll see you soon."
"Yeah..." Alex agreed, also not letting go yet even though his partner had slid free. "Hey Morgan?"
"Yeah?"
"I have never stopped loving you... not even through this." He breathed, before lifting Morgan's hand to his lips.
Heat and warmth and a giddy sort of embarrassment washed through him- one that hit him hard enough that he had to clear his throat before speaking as Alex slowly lower his hand again.
"Never...? Not even when you threw your heart into a volcano?" He asked, brows arching a little as he attempted to ignore the scorching heat coloring his face.
A wicked little grin further crinkled his already crinkled eyes. "My heart still yearned for you even when it wasn't in my chest... why do you think only you were able to keep rescuing it~?"
"...I shouldn't think that's romantic." Morgan mumbled reluctantly, because dammit that was such a good answer-!
"But you do anyway~?" And he wiggled his brows for good measure.
"Yes." Morgan huffed, cheeks just as pink as before, if not more so, and Alex beamed. But he really couldn't keep stalling... so with one final squeeze he let Alex's hand go. "Goodbye Alex."
"Goodbye Morgan..." And he tucked his hands into his pockets so he didn't try to reach out and brush away the frown lines on his lover's face. "I'll see you soon, I promise."
That won him another quick smile so he would just have to take it.
"You better." He chuckled... before making himself turn away. Before making himself walk across the bar and open the skinny blacked out door to the world outside.
Slow sultry jazz swam in the air around him as he walked up the step back into the life he had been hiding from. It was a good think he knew Alex kept his promises otherwise... he might never have been able to leave...
You better. Dear god, you better...
...please.